PeacefulChaos Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) Thanks everyone. :) Edited June 20, 2012 by PeacefulChaos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntgoodwin Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 That sounds like they have only one (broad) issue with the church, and that is that they prefer a family-integrated church, and they see that as biblical. From what you wrote, every issue goes right back to that. To me anyway, it doesn't sound like a bunch of problems that they are trying to do the exact opposite, just one. Imagine if you were attending a church that required everyone to attend services standing on their heads. Then you go to a church that requires everyone to attend standing on their feet, and they decide they prefer that way. Everything about your old church seems completely upside-down at that point, right? In reality, only one thing is different that everything is somewhat related to. ^no idea if that analogy makes sense or not... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 It sounds exhausting. Try to pass the bean dip and see if you can talk about other things or quick spending so much time with them. I'm sorry this is difficult for you. We've had people leave our church, tell us how much better the other church is, and a few years later come back. It's the menu generation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Sounds like a maturity issue. Do they only have young kids? Since all of your examples were about children, and if they only have young kids, they might be in that phase some of us go through (not me--never me!) thinking that there is just one right way to do things. Such types are annoying. :001_smile: The problem is that they are shoving it down your throat and it's rude when they are criticizing what they know you/your church does. I'd just change the subject, and if they can't let it go, limit your time with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juniper Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 (((((((hugs))))) that is no fun. :glare: Hopefully they will get it out of their system soon, you can only talk about so much :D Are they still within the same branch of Christianity? I only ask, because in the RC and EO branches it doesn't make sense to separate out the age groups, because there is a specific service done by Priests. But it sounds like this is just a different flavor within the same branch. In that case I think it is in bad taste. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 We've changed churches for various reasons and I would basically say that the church didn't currently meet the needs of our family. Period! Why do people have to go into detail? Why burn bridges? For you who have to listen to the reason, why not say something pleasant like . . . "I'm so glad you've found a church that meets the needs of your family." If you feel compelled, maybe you can add . . . "There's nothing like feeling at home in your church and we've found that with our church too." or something like that. BTW, I thought your thread title was going to vent about church STAFF not stuff. Glad it wasn't the staff and just one of the flock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) Yeah, same basic branch, just a little different. They are actually older....All their kids have grown up and have children of their own. Edited June 20, 2012 by PeacefulChaos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 "I'm glad you're enjoying your new church. Would you like some bean dip?" Yeah, they're being an awkward pain, but I suppose their newfound zeal will wear off one of these days. Until then, keep passing the bean dip. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Listen, new converts to anything need duct tape over their mouths for at least 90 days. Just smile and tell them you are happy that they have found a church that fits them so well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 It sounds like they have discovered a way of worshipping that really connects with their beliefs about the importance of family togetherness, and they are just really excited about it. When you have a lightbulb moment, you want to share with others who were in the same place you were, hoping that they will have a lightbulb moment too. I understand that it's annoying, but it's also nice in a weird way. They do sound overly excited, which has made them a little insensitive. Give them some grace. If their excitement turns to proselytizing or openly badmouthing your church, then you should say something to them. I bet after the newness wears off and they see that you are still happy at your church, they will stop bringing it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnowWhite Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 If it helps any, we moved from a church like the one your friends moved TO and began attending a church like the one you attend. I *puffy heart love* it. I was exhausted with mothering children through church. We don't have the children's church though, and I guess I am glad my 7yo and 11yo are with us in church (not that it makes any difference to your post :lol:) I am thoroughly enjoying having my OWN Sunday School and my OWN worship without the demands of my toddler which I respond to 24/7 the rest of the week. I am tickled pink that my sons are making Christian friends in Sunday School and at Awana, and that my oldest will be moving to the "students" group in the fall. There is so much for him to learn about being with other Christian kids and about having his OWN relationship with Christ. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I think I'd go ahead and say something like, "This is the 12th time you've brought this subject up. Are you sure you are just making conversation or are you trying to get us to change our minds about it?" Then depending on the answer, tell her/them flat out they are barking up the wrong tree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiveOaksAcademy Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) :) Edited June 20, 2012 by FiveOaksAcademy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) As someone who recently converted to something that is in some ways the complete opposite of how we used to "do" church, I would say it makes for awkwardness on both sides. I confess to the enthusiasm your friends are showing and need the above-mentioned duct tape over my mouth (and heart even) sometimes. We DO love where we are now, we DO think it is one of the best ways to worship (or we wouldn't have switched, you know?), and we DO want our friends to know that if they've had the same frustrations we've had with church at all that they might find what we've become a part of as the solution, too. But, yeah, sometimes we can be overly-enthusiastic and need to learn how to focus on the people/friendship, and not on the different ways we worship God. I would say that it's hard on THIS side when we don't feel like we can just be who we are and talk about our Christian experience with friends who think we're trying to proselytize them (or who have even voiced "concern" with what we've decided). We're not necessarily doing that -- just living who we are. Judgment in these things can flow both ways. It must be a good/great skill to have to be able to not let this major of a thing to come between friends. I haven't been very good at it and hope to grow in this area. Love this cartoon. Our priest shared it with us last week. Edited June 19, 2012 by milovaný Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 At my church here, we have children's church for little ones, a nursery and we do have separate SUnday schools and the youth programs do not interfere in time with any thing. I like it this way. I have no problems with people who don't want things this way but would get really annoyed if anyone was trying to convert me to some other way over and over again. As others said, some statement about how you are happy they found a church home that is appropriate for them should be repeated as often as necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 I think I'd go ahead and say something like, "This is the 12th time you've brought this subject up. Are you sure you are just making conversation or are you trying to get us to change our minds about it?" Then depending on the answer, tell her/them flat out they are barking up the wrong tree. I may have to do this. It is a very complicated situation, but I have had to tell them before (regarding church again, but different issues) that I'm happy for them but I'm not going to be joining them. Maybe they just need a reminder every 6 months or so. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I really feel for you. I am SO tired of people who believe their way is the right way and there aren't any other choices. I recently went through an experience that changed the way I see life in general. My father passed away and watching him die changed my view on a lot of things. I can no longer believe there is a right way for everyone. I think what works for your family is the best and no one has the right to impose their ideas on you. I enjoy learning about people who choose to live differently than I do and I like hearing their reasons for their choices. BUT I don't want to be preached at, I go to my church for that. :001_smile: At this point in my life I don't think I could hold my tongue and would have to tell them to change the topic. The body of Christ is meant to work together and perform different functions not bicker and argue over minor differences. Hope your friends cool down soon! God Bless, Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I think given your concern about your kids that the next time it happens, it might be helpful to send your kids out of the room (plan on an errand that will work ahead of time) and address the process of what is happening rather than the content: "When you discuss this in front of our children (process), it has the potential to undermine our spiritual authority, which I'm sure you would never want to do. We're happy for you that you are enjoying your new church. However, when you continue to bring it up repeatedly, it is awkward because while we're happy for you, our convictions lead us to stay where we are. (process) Could you please discuss things like a good sermon topic or something? (request for different content)" Don't discuss the content of children with parents vs. separated from parents. If they bring it up after you are this straightforward, you'll have to decide how much the social contact is worth to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 As someone who recently converted to something that is in some ways the complete opposite of how we used to "do" church, I would say it makes for awkwardness on both sides. I confess to the enthusiasm your friends are showing and need the above-mentioned duct tape over my mouth (and heart even) sometimes. We DO love where we are now, we DO think it is one of the best ways to worship (or we wouldn't have switched, you know?), and we DO want our friends to know that if they've had the same frustrations we've had with church at all that they might find what we've become a part of as the solution, too. But, yeah, sometimes we can be overly-enthusiastic and need to learn how to focus on the people/friendship, and not on the different ways we worship God. I would say that it's hard on THIS side when we don't feel like we can just be who we are and talk about our Christian experience with friends who think we're trying to proselytize them (or who have even voiced "concern" with what we've decided). We're not necessarily doing that -- just living who we are. Judgment in these things can flow both ways. It must be a good/great skill to have to be able to not let this major of a thing to come between friends. I haven't been very good at it and hope to grow in this area. Love this cartoon. Our priest shared it with us last week. I'm curious. Besides the people/friendship, isn't there a huge common ground with other Christians? Isn't there a way to talk about what you have in common that would still enable you to be your new selves and yet have strong fellowship with Christians who worship differently? I guess I'm not getting why the differences need to come up. I can see why they'd come up if there is a desire to change someone's mind on either side, but other than that, I don't quite understand why differences would come up all that often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I'm curious. Besides the people/friendship, isn't there a huge common ground with other Christians? Isn't there a way to talk about what you have in common that would still enable you to be your new selves and yet have strong fellowship with Christians who worship differently? I guess I'm not getting why the differences need to come up. I can see why they'd come up if there is a desire to change someone's mind on either side, but other than that, I don't quite understand why differences would come up all that often. I've noticed that a subject generally comes up a lot when one side of the issue truly believes that they have The Way. And it gets the most annoying when one side believe they have The Way and the other side is live and let live. -- so they don't see why the first side is so vocal about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker25 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 My only caution, and I don't know if this is what your dealing with, would be please make sure your not bringing it up over and over again. We recently switched to a church like your friend. It's something we'd been praying about a lot. We'd known for awhile that this was the direction God was leading us. We were the only family in our current church who was living this way and our children were starting to feel left out. Finding a church that matched up with our specific beliefs was very refreshing. That being said, I don't have a problem with people who send their kids to children's church and youth group. I do sometimes share a sermon or an article on FB about what we are doing and why. It does not mean I want everyone to do it, but I know for us when we found out that there were others out there like us it was HUGE! I do it in case anyone is searching like we were. There is someone in my life who gets riled up whenever I mention the way we are living. They have taken it upon themselves to point out every little problem they see with our approach to church and child rearing. It's actually to the point I had to cut them out of our lives to a degree. This person was just so personally offended at the choices we made, which was crazy to me. They were choices we made for our family, not anyone else. I am sure reading through your posts that this is not what you are doing and I am sorry about how your friends are treating this. We were very careful when we left not to make a big deal about it. If someone asked we told them, but we stressed that the church we were leaving was a great church we were just going in a different direction. I've kept a few friendships from that church with no problems. My closest friend is actually the children's director from that church. It was a little awkward at first but we've finally found our footing again and it's going great. The preacher's wife still does our portfolio check for school. :) It is possible to maintain a relationship beyond what your beliefs about church are. I agree with it being upsetting to have it constantly mentioned around your children. I run into that with people who think we should be doing children's church and youth group. Some have even asked my kids, "Wouldn't you be happier in (fill in the blank)?" It riles me up quick! I would mention it to your friends that you are glad they found something that works for them, but that you think what your doing for your family works for you. Tell them also that you are afraid they are confusing your kids and to please not mention it around them again. I hope you can resolve this, but if not..well, I'm afraid you'll have to do what we did. Weigh the pros and cons of the relationship and decide from there whether it is worth keeping them in your lives. It's suffocating when you are constantly told your doing it wrong! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I've noticed that a subject generally comes up a lot when one side of the issue truly believes that they have The Way. And it gets the most annoying when one side believe they have The Way and the other side is live and let live. -- so they don't see why the first side is so vocal about it. I agree with this, and with the idea of talking with them. Just because you do not wish your family to worship their way does not mean they should keep repeating it in hopes that you will "get it" or "come around." At the same time, I agree with others to extend grace to them, especially if they may be so excited that they are chatty about their new experiences. Hopefully they will remember that at one point, they too enjoyed the church you are still attending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) I'm curious. Besides the people/friendship, isn't there a huge common ground with other Christians? Isn't there a way to talk about what you have in common that would still enable you to be your new selves and yet have strong fellowship with Christians who worship differently? I guess I'm not getting why the differences need to come up. I can see why they'd come up if there is a desire to change someone's mind on either side, but other than that, I don't quite understand why differences would come up all that often. Good questions. I wish it were that simple, but what we converted to is so very different from what we came from that there are just some areas of our church now that some people aren't comfortable with because they are based in beliefs that contradict the beliefs we used to hold (for example, icons and crosses on our walls, having a priest and participating in the sacrament of confession with him, believing the Eucharist contains the real presence of Christ, that baptism is a literal washing of sins not just a statement of faith, etc.). So even though we're all Christians, some of our beliefs and practices do make some of our old friends uncomfortable now. And it goes both ways: not only are they uncomfortable with some of our beliefs/practices, we're also now uncomfortable with some of the beliefs we used to hold. YES, my ideal is that we could relate despite this (and we have been able to do so with many people!), but in some particular relationships, it hasn't been so easy. Edited June 20, 2012 by milovaný Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) That sounds like they have only one (broad) issue with the church, and that is that they prefer a family-integrated church, and they see that as biblical. From what you wrote, every issue goes right back to that. To me anyway, it doesn't sound like a bunch of problems that they are trying to do the exact opposite, just one. Imagine if you were attending a church that required everyone to attend services standing on their heads. Then you go to a church that requires everyone to attend standing on their feet, and they decide they prefer that way. Everything about your old church seems completely upside-down at that point, right? In reality, only one thing is different that everything is somewhat related to. ^no idea if that analogy makes sense or not... :iagree::iagree::iagree: I do not think this is an issue of the OP's friends making them feel bad or compared to. It just sounds like they see things about "church" in a new filter or paradigm which EXCITES them and for some reason the OP is offended or defensive? I do agree it sounds like they would enjoy a homechurch or family-centered type of church fellowship. Different strokes for different folks. No need to get bent out of shape over it. :D Just smile and pass the bean dip on this one. P.S. Um... did the OP say in her first post she fell asleep during the sermon in church? Did I read that right? Edited June 20, 2012 by tex-mex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) When I was 9-11 years old, yes, I did fall asleep. :) Edited June 20, 2012 by PeacefulChaos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juniper Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Is it at all possible they have some inside information you do not. I have been in this situation EXACTLY and I could not share what I knew while they were still there. Even if they had flat out asked me, I would not have been able to say anything. Just throwing it out there. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) Nope. They don't. Edited June 20, 2012 by PeacefulChaos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 They also could just feel defensive--even if you've never said boo about their choice--they know they are stepping out of the norm? And their first reaction is to defend their choice against people who they know believe differently. I find myself defending our choice to people I've known for years--and then I realize I don't have to. But I'm another one that needs duct tape--but I think it's spring a leak because I am so happy and content (not that it's marker for anything!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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