This is breaking my heart. I hope the Hive can help

[plain jane]

My 10yo dd is a sweet, loving, sensitive child. I've had many, many people tell me there's something special about this particular child. :) She's just so sweet, considerate, compassionate, loving, empathetic, sensitive to the needs of others, wise beyond her years, etc.. In short, it is an honor to be her mother and I often feel I don't deserve her.

 

Here's the part that breaks my heart. She's very very sensitive to the emotions of others. She's the one who tries to make everyone feel welcome and comfortable at her birthday parties, she's the peacemaker, the ear that listens, the one who cares and is aware of how others feel and how they react to her. She's also very shy. She used to be very awkward, both in mannerisms and what she said/how she spoke but has come a long way in recent years. She's even forced herself to not be shy and to talk to new people even when inwardly she doesn't want to or is scared to.

 

She has always been in classes, usually multiple classes per week. Some classes are just homeschooled children but others are mostly PS kids. She's having problems with the ones that are mostly PS kids. She says the kids are nice to her but she's not able to make any friendships. She recently told me she tries to talk to the other girls and join in their conversations but they often end up ignoring her and she feels stupid. :( She says she sometimes feels awkward because she says they just ignore her or they pretend to listen for a few minutes then move on to talking to others.

 

I quizzed her to try to get to the root of the problem. Mostly it sounds that perhaps:

 

a) she's not interesting enough or not saying what she wants to say in an interesting enough way to hold their attention

 

or

 

b) she really has no clue what they are talking about and has nothing to add and so isn't included in their conversations

 

She says that she tries to find the "quieter" girls in the classes- the ones who she believes are more suited to her personality. It's not a popularity thing for her at all. But she says even those girls don't say much to her despite her efforts. Part of me thinks that they're all 9-12 year old so they're probably a bit shy and awkward as well even though they do go to PS ;) and probably don't know what to say at times (just like her) and that not saying anything is their way of dealing. Most of the girls know one other girl in some of her classes and I speculate it's easier for them to talk to those they know vs. trying to meet a new girl. Of course, I'm not there, I could be totally off. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm pretty critical :o it's a fault of mine so I don't think I'm wearing rose colored glasses when it comes to my dd. I know she is shy and can be awkward, but I also believe her when she says she's trying. I've seen her force herself to talk to girls and have it pay off. But in some of her classes, it's really not. Those are the ones where the girls are in PS. Sure, they're nice enough and don't tease her or anything but they don't really include her either.

 

I know she is super quiet but I do know she tries. But I do know that the girls who are really outgoing and boisterous "scare her". LOL She's intimidated by them even though some of them are just loud, not mean, kwim? She doesn't gravitate to that type though. She's told me she puts careful thought into who may have similar personality to her and tries to befriend those girls. I also think part of the issue could be she's overly sensitive to how they are reacting to her vs. a child who is more outgoing or more confident (or oblivious? ;):confused:) and she notices their reaction more whereas a different personality wouldn't.

 

At any rate, dd is upset that she's not fitting in. I don't know what to say to her. I don't know how to encourage her and most of all, I don't want her to get to 16 and really resent me for somehow stunting her relationships in life by homeschooling her.

 

She's not overly sheltered. We watch TV, movies, she reads books that other kids read, not just classics. LOL We have video games and I try to keep up on the cool toys and get them for the kids (or at least let them know about them) even if they're not interested, just so they know what other kids are into.

 

Plus, like I've said, we're out several times per week. She's been in classes since she was 4. She has about 5 good friends that she sees and talks to regularly and who are of very similar temperament to her. Beyond that, it's pretty painful. 2 of those girls are probably moving away in the next couple months and I'm worried for my dd.

 

I'm sad that she's sad and I don't know what to do. She's already in 4 classes per week PLUS I try to go to drop in park days that local groups put on. We're out almost every day of the week doing something or other. Of course, there's not always 10 year old girls there, but I'm trying. :tongue_smilie:

 

What do I do? How do I help her? I feel so terrible for her. She doesn't say she's lonely. She's happy with the friends she has but she's sad she can't seem to fit in with the girls at some of her classes despite knowing some of them for 2 years now.

 

Any advice? Sorry this is so long. I hope you don't mind if I ask you not to quote this. I don't want to leave too much info about my kids on the internet for all time. I don't want to embarrass my sweet dd but I would like some input on this.

[Sara in AZ]

Wow. This sounds a lot like my dd 9 only she isn't articulate enough to express to me just how she's feeling. I share many of your concerns. She has been going to a weekly full day enrichment program for this whole school year and has not made a single friend. It hurts my heart. I am proud of your daughter for making the effort to try.

 

No advice but I'm interested in the replies and I hope you find peace about this.

Edited May 17, 2012 by Sara in AZ

[Susan C.]

Hi Jane,

Have you heard of Meyers Briggs Temperament Indicator? It is a personality test. There are several things online. I have a hunch that your dd is one of the rarer temperaments. Both of my dc are, they are 1%-3% of the population. Dd18 was talking to a friend a few days ago, and said for the first time, someone got her jokes (his temperament is very close to hers). Both have said over the years that they didn't fit in well with most groups they have been in, but still got along with the kids. Homeschooling didn't cause it, but homeschooling did help because they had freedom to choose friends, or to just be on their own. Homeschooling kids don't seem as peer dependent, at least mine weren't. They do have each other, and that helps. Dh had a terrible time in school (he is close to their temperaments), that is one reason I chose to homeschool, I didn't want my sensitive creative kids to be run over by stronger personalities. I wanted them to be able to grow up without that pressure. I just finished homeschooling dd, and ds just graduated from college. He said he wondered why a lot of his friends (who are like him) struggle with self esteem, and we wonder if it is from being picked on for being different.

Edited May 17, 2012 by Susan C.

[Bang!Zoom!]

Totally off the wall (but with reasons behind it, too long/boring details to get in here) - idea, but does your daughter have a lot or any pets?

 

It's a seemingly trite question, but not intended that way.

[KJB]

My daughter was very much the same. I finally put her in high school mid-way through ninth grade. She had home schooled up until that point. She now is flourishing.

 

My daughter always felt out of the loop. She is very sweet and kind, but she lacked confidence. She actually is pretty outgoing in many ways and is able to perform in front of hundreds, but when it came to making friends she had such a tough time. In her case, she was becoming depressed and I was worried.

 

In my opinion, when kids are high school age, they need a say in their schooling. If a student is able to self direct and has strong connections and relationships, home school is such a great choice. For students like my daughter, I think school is the best choice at her age.

 

I am so glad I home schooled her all of the years prior. I would do it again in a minute. In our situation, though, with frequent moving and uprooting, my daughter at now 15 needs the easy choice for friend making which where we live now happens to be the school. The other upside is I don't have to figure out how to teach AP classes! :D

 

I'd say take it one year at a time. Follow your instincts and consider all of your options. Be open minded and listen to your daughter and what she wants.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I feel for your dd. :grouphug: We have found PS girls to be very cliquish starting at about 3rd grade. (Not so much the boys) Even talking to someone out of their " group" is not where they are at.

[Melinda in VT]

She has 5 good friends and she is happy with them? The other kids in class are nice enough?

 

Maybe the only problem is her expectation that she will have a friend in each class?

 

I don't mean to dismiss her feelings, and maybe I've gotten the wrong impression from your post, so feel free to disregard this if it doesn't seem to fit your situation.

 

Even public schooled kids don't always have a good friend in every activity. My kids have had 2-4 good friends each. Sometimes they have a friend in an activity and sometimes they don't. If they enjoy the activity and the practice or class is well-run, they are too focused on what they are doing to have much time for chatter anyway.

 

:grouphug: I am sorry your daughter is upset. She seems like a great girl.

[houseofkids&pets]

This sounds like my dd12. I know that if kids would just give her a chance, they would see what a great friend she could be (loyal, kind, caring...). It breaks my heart too. Dd has now started making comments about wishing that she was like other kids. It is really affecting her self-esteem. We are looking for a counselor for her because she seems to be at a point in her life where she needs to talk with someone else. She thinks that I have to say nice things about her because I am her mom, but since no one else likes her, she can't possibly have any positive attributes.

 

One*mom, I would love to know more about your pet question. Dd has 8 pets (yes, 8 and we don't live on a farm :tongue_smilie:). She talks about becoming a veterinarian when she is older. She also saves her money from birthdays, allowance, etc. and buys supplies for a local no-kill cat shelter. I am proud of her!!

[jennsmile]

She sounds like me. Even now I have few "friends" though lots of people I know.

But if she has 5 friends that really is lots even when I was in public school my group of friends was often not bigger than that.

[Pippen]

Even public schooled kids don't always have a good friend in every activity. My kids have had 2-4 good friends each. Sometimes they have a friend in an activity and sometimes they don't. If they enjoy the activity and the practice or class is well-run, they are too focused on what they are doing to have much time for chatter anyway.

 

:grouphug: I am sorry your daughter is upset. She seems like a great girl.

 

I agree that even ps kids don't always have a friend in every activity, but don't agree with the too much time for chatter comment. Social needs among kids vary greatly, and for some the enjoyment/success of the activity is very much interwoven with the social interaction.

 

Socially my daughter is thriving now, but wasn't during her elementary years (either hs or ps). It wasn't until she started ps junior high and had a much wider--and more mature--pool of girls to connect with that it happened.

 

Also, just a thought since you're casting for ideas--did she have any speech differences or delays when she was younger? Sometimes kids genuinely need help learning the social aspects of speech.

[Gentlemommy]

:grouphug:That sounds so hard! If it's anything, it sounds an awful lot like how I was...and now, I'm a happy, healthy adult with just a handful of amazing friends. :001_smile:

Does she have any hobbies or interests? I danced growing up, and while I didn't have play dates with my dance friends, we did see each other daily, and so by default, we were close. ;) Also, knowing I had that talent/passion helped ease the awkward moments at school. I had something to look forward to after school.

I'm also curious about the pet/animal connection...I *always* wanted pets. I was constantly bringing lizards, baby birds, ect. home. And now, as an adult, I volunteer at a barn, just for the pleasure of being there. :001_smile: My kids are taking riding lessons, and for mothers day, my request was riding lessons for me.:D

 

Oh, and I would have LOVED being homeschooled. :001_smile:

[J-rap]

Just throwing out some ideas, maybe totally off base.

 

1. Do you think you're overreacting? It sounds like she is naturally rather reserved but that she's making a good effort and that is still evolving. That's already a really good thing! Maybe if you try and talk it down and don't escalate the situation (I'm not saying that you are), she'll relax about it all and change her expectations.

 

2. Girls that age can be very cliquish. I think usually they don't even mean it in a bad way. But if there is a group of girls who spend all their time together all day every day, and then one lone person pops in just for a class or two, they will subconsciously see her as the outsider and not include her as part of "their" group. It is a whole subculture that she has not been fully part of over the years. They all have the same "language" and understanding of things within that subculture that she does not have.

 

3. If she already has 5 good friends, I'd say that is great! When my kids were homeschooled full-time, they probably only had 2 good friends! Even the ones who eventually went to PS part-time probably only had 2-5 kids total that they really considered their good friends.

 

4. We rarely had finding friends or being accepted by others be our goal. Rather, we concentrated on things like confidence, having neat opportunities to carry out their interests, being people of character (kind, reliable, etc.), and having ambition. Perhaps you can steer her away from seeking the approval of potential friends, and instead find a project or activity or hobby for her to do that would excite her, give her more confidence, and give her a good, healthy outlet. I think if you keep working on the characteristics, etc, above -- as it sounds like you already are -- over the years she will become the kind of person that people are drawn to without her even trying!

 

I don't mean to undermine what your daughter is going through; I'm sure it's hard. These are just thoughts that focus less on feeling sorry and instead being positively proactive.

[plain jane]

She has 5 good friends and she is happy with them? The other kids in class are nice enough?

 

Maybe the only problem is her expectation that she will have a friend in each class?

 

I don't mean to dismiss her feelings, and maybe I've gotten the wrong impression from your post, so feel free to disregard this if it doesn't seem to fit your situation.

 

Even public schooled kids don't always have a good friend in every activity. My kids have had 2-4 good friends each. Sometimes they have a friend in an activity and sometimes they don't. If they enjoy the activity and the practice or class is well-run, they are too focused on what they are doing to have much time for chatter anyway.

 

:grouphug: I am sorry your daughter is upset. She seems like a great girl.

 

To be honest, we had a talk about this- how not everyone is going to be a "friend" and about different personalities etc. I don't think the problem is that she's expecting/wanting to have a friend in each activity- it's that in the ones where the girls are mostly PS they often won't even talk to her. She says she realizes they won't all be close but that it hurts when they just ignore her. She's left feeling like she's not worth their time and that she's boring. She would be happy if they'd just include her in conversation and she could feel like she was a part of it. FWIW, she's been with this one group for 3 years so it's not like they're all new girls or anything.

[leeannpal]

To be honest, we had a talk about this- how not everyone is going to be a "friend" and about different personalities etc. I don't think the problem is that she's expecting/wanting to have a friend in each activity- it's that in the ones where the girls are mostly PS they often won't even talk to her. She says she realizes they won't all be close but that it hurts when they just ignore her. She's left feeling like she's not worth their time and that she's boring. She would be happy if they'd just include her in conversation and she could feel like she was a part of it. FWIW, she's been with this one group for 3 years so it's not like they're all new girls or anything.

 

Would you feel comfortable asking one or two of the girls to come over? perhaps if she got to know a couple outside of the classes it would help.

[2squared]

My sweet 10yo is much the same way. We are the only homeschoolers in our community, so all her friends have to be PS kids. She, too, feels left out often, and it breaks my heart. Since she is naturally quieter and shy, I know that a part of the situation is her personality. But....parts of it isn't.

 

One thing she struggles with is the unspoken PS culture. Little things like when partner activities happen, the other kids run like maniacs or "call" their partners. In PS, social standing is impacted by who your partners are. My dd doesn't do those things, but she always (and I mean always) ends up with partners who are not her friends.

 

Another thing she struggles with is not having the same frame of reference to the other kids. They are in school most of their day doing the same things together with the same group of kids. My dd can't join in those conversations. She doesn't have experience with the lunch food or how Mr. Smith reads aloud or whatever. Honestly, I can't see how she could join in those conversations. :sad: Since that is what the kids talk about most, she is often on the outside looking in.

 

So....I work really hard to get my dd face time with her circle of friends. The more she is with them, the more she will have commonalities, and the more she will be able to join in the group. We've lived here for 2.5 years, and things are finally - FINALLY - going well for her. She has a PS friend over or goes to an activity with them 1-2 times per week. It's a lot for me to handle, but when her # of touch points drops from that level, her social spot drops too.

Edited May 17, 2012 by 2squared

[plain jane]

Just throwing out some ideas, maybe totally off base.

 

1. Do you think you're overreacting? It sounds like she is naturally rather reserved but that she's making a good effort and that is still evolving. That's already a really good thing! Maybe if you try and talk it down and don't escalate the situation (I'm not saying that you are), she'll relax about it all and change her expectations.

 

I wondered about this. :) I waited a good while before posting here and thought through it as best I could. Dd and I discussed it at length and it was a thoughtful discussion but not an emotional one, if that makes sense. She wasn't necessarily upset in a crying sort of way, just more, concerned that she was boring and didn't fit in and disappointed that the other girls didn't want to talk to her.

 

2. Girls that age can be very cliquish. I think usually they don't even mean it in a bad way. But if there is a group of girls who spend all their time together all day every day, and then one lone person pops in just for a class or two, they will subconsciously see her as the outsider and not include her as part of "their" group. It is a whole subculture that she has not been fully part of over the years. They all have the same "language" and understanding of things within that subculture that she does not have.

 

I suggested this to dd and she is mulling it over. She initially felt that this was a big part of the problem- that the girls were really close from going to school together all day and that she was an outsider. I don't know all the girls all that well but I do know they come from all over and that most of them do not go to the same schools. It's quite possible the groups are being broken down by schools. Dd didn't ask to go to go to school but I can't help but wonder if she's heading there in her thoughts.

 

3. If she already has 5 good friends, I'd say that is great! When my kids were homeschooled full-time, they probably only had 2 good friends! Even the ones who eventually went to PS part-time probably only had 2-5 kids total that they really considered their good friends.

 

4. We rarely had finding friends or being accepted by others be our goal. Rather, we concentrated on things like confidence, having neat opportunities to carry out their interests, being people of character (kind, reliable, etc.), and having ambition. Perhaps you can steer her away from seeking the approval of potential friends, and instead find a project or activity or hobby for her to do that would excite her, give her more confidence, and give her a good, healthy outlet. I think if you keep working on the characteristics, etc, above -- as it sounds like you already are -- over the years she will become the kind of person that people are drawn to without her even trying!

 

I would love some suggestions to the bolded above, if you have any. :) Yes, you are right. I can work on steering her away from seeking the approval of others. It's something I know I have struggled with and I don't her to. I'm still mulling this over as to whether it's an approval thing or simply she doesn't want to stick out. At this point, she's not emotional about this, but she is concerned as to why it's happening

 

I don't mean to undermine what your daughter is going through; I'm sure it's hard. These are just thoughts that focus less on feeling sorry and instead being positively proactive.

 

I didn't feel like you were undermining what she was going through and I appreciate the different perspective. I wanted to focus on the positive and what she can change but I also want to acknowledge what she's experiencing and try to help her cope with her feelings about it.

 

She's put a lot of thought into this and has tried to make changes to herself. I don't see it so much (at this point) as seeking approval but rather her seeing a deficiency in herself and trying to change that. I'm proud of her for saying she tried to find girls that based on her observations of them, thought would be a better fit for her. She used to be painfully shy so her going up to a group of girls and taking part in a conversation is huge. It's not working out :tongue_smilie: but it's a good first step. I just wish I knew what more to say.

[Tammyla]

In our experience, it is just the way life is. I think this is a big reason so many kids around the age of 12ish start narrowing their activities, friends etc. They tend to to identify and hang out more in small groups; the days of play-dates or just putting kids together and them getting along well are left behind.

 

Girls can seem or be mean, clicky, or just more into their own feelings than the ignored or excluded one. It doesn't mean anything about your dd other than she isn't one of their group.

 

She sounds like a sweetheart, and these growing up lessons can be very hard on sensitive kids.

[fairfarmhand]

She has 5 good friends and she is happy with them? The other kids in class are nice enough?

 

Maybe the only problem is her expectation that she will have a friend in each class?

 

I don't mean to dismiss her feelings, and maybe I've gotten the wrong impression from your post, so feel free to disregard this if it doesn't seem to fit your situation.

 

Even public schooled kids don't always have a good friend in every activity. My kids have had 2-4 good friends each. Sometimes they have a friend in an activity and sometimes they don't. If they enjoy the activity and the practice or class is well-run, they are too focused on what they are doing to have much time for chatter anyway.

 

:grouphug: I am sorry your daughter is upset. She seems like a great girl.

This....

 

I was not homeschooled and as a child I was exactly like your daughter. I had one good friend from grades 6-8, until that friend moved away. Afterwards, I had zero good friends. I did have friends, but not close ones. For a long time that really hurt me. I was never sure what I did to have that happen. But, in retrospect, I look at it like this.

 

I am an introvert. I am happy that I have good friends, and I don't really need a best friend (female that is). Sometimes it can be lonely to not have someone that you can call no matter what. But that is the way that it is. That is the way that I am. I guess I am just not cut out for "best" friend situations. When I was a kid and all the other girls were pairing off with cliques and best friends, I was on the outside looking in. But now, the cliques and best friends don't bother me, for whatever reason.

[2squared]

We rarely had finding friends or being accepted by others be our goal. Rather, we concentrated on things like confidence, having neat opportunities to carry out their interests, being people of character (kind, reliable, etc.), and having ambition. Perhaps you can steer her away from seeking the approval of potential friends, and instead find a project or activity or hobby for her to do that would excite her, give her more confidence, and give her a good, healthy outlet. I think if you keep working on the characteristics, etc, above -- as it sounds like you already are -- over the years she will become the kind of person that people are drawn to without her even trying!

 

I also wanted to add that my dd finally found a couple activities this year that she loves. She joined basketball and dance, and she thrived participating in those activities. Interestingly, she had friends in one activity and not the other, but she was quiet, shy, and more of a loner in both activities. Those activities, though, provided commonalities with other girls her age so she wasn't as much of an outsider in other social settings.

[JFSinIL]

Another person told me once that you have to meet 100 people to make 5 acquaintances of which one or two will become good friends. Seems about right. And the guy who said this was (is) a major, popular extrovert (and has been on tv now, too, although if you blinked you missed him.)

[Harriet Vane]

Hi Jane,

Have you heard of Meyers Briggs Temperament Indicator? It is a personality test. There are several things online. I have a hunch that your dd is one of the rarer temperaments. Both of my dc are, they are 1%-3% of the population. Dd18 was talking to a friend a few days ago, and said for the first time, someone got her jokes (his temperament is very close to hers). Both have said over the years that they didn't fit in well with most groups they have been in, but still got along with the kids. Homeschooling didn't cause it, but homeschooling did help because they had freedom to choose friends, or to just be on their own. Homeschooling kids don't seem as peer dependent, at least mine weren't. They do have each other, and that helps. Dh had a terrible time in school (he is close to their temperaments), that is one reason I chose to homeschool, I didn't want my sensitive creative kids to be run over by stronger personalities. I wanted them to be able to grow up without that pressure. I just finished homeschooling dd, and ds just graduated from college. He said he wondered why a lot of his friends (who are like him) struggle with self esteem, and we wonder if it is from being picked on for being different.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[coralloyd]

I thought I would mention something, that I haven't seen mentioned yet. You said that she tries to make friends with the quieter girls. In my experience the louder more outgoing girls would be the ones to befriend her. I am that loud girl :D. Growing up most of my close friends were (and still are) the quiet/shy girls. I know you said they scare her. However, she might find that they are exactly the kind of friends she needs. My quiet friends have taught me a lot about humility and thinking before I speak; where I have encouraged them to come out of their shell a little. She might not be on the outgoing girls radar right now. If she could get past being scared and if they are truly nice girls; she might find them more willing to include her.

 

ETA: I was hsed. We homeschoolers come in all personalities. This is just who she is.

Edited May 17, 2012 by coralloyd

[MrsBear]

To be honest, we had a talk about this- how not everyone is going to be a "friend" and about different personalities etc. I don't think the problem is that she's expecting/wanting to have a friend in each activity- it's that in the ones where the girls are mostly PS they often won't even talk to her. She says she realizes they won't all be close but that it hurts when they just ignore her. She's left feeling like she's not worth their time and that she's boring. She would be happy if they'd just include her in conversation and she could feel like she was a part of it. FWIW, she's been with this one group for 3 years so it's not like they're all new girls or anything.

 

Honestly, I'd include in discussion with her that measuring one's self-worth by whether a small clique includes her or not isn't a good measure.

 

And honestly, it's helps to really think about the fact that she is different than and is having different experiences day-to-day than the girls in PS in her class.....this is something I've spent time discussing with DS as this year it's become more evident that he and his PS friends aren't always on the same page, and that's okay, but it's there - like the "boy-banter" that happens with his scout friends - there is no malicious intent to hurt feelings, but sometimes DS has felt like his feelings were hurt....he just doesn't face the boy-banter day-to-day, but when DH explained it to him, he no longer felt hurt and instead understood it for what it is, boy-banter that second grade boys do when they're all together playing and it's not directed at DS, if he pays attention, he'll see they all banter back-and-forth with each other as they're playing together.

[MrsBear]

I thought I would mention something, that I haven't seen mentioned yet. You said that she tries to make friends with the quieter girls. In my experience the louder more outgoing girls would be the ones to befriend her. I am that loud girl :D. Growing up most of my close friends were (and still are) the quiet/shy girls. I know you said they scare her. However, she might find that they are exactly the kind of friends she needs. My quiet friends have taught me a lot about humility and thinking before I speak; where I have encouraged them to come out of their shell a little. She might not be on the outgoing girls radar right now. If she could get past being scared and if they are truly nice girls; she might find them more willing to include her.

 

ETA: I was hsed. We homeschoolers come in all personalities. This is just who she is.

 

:iagree:

[Bang!Zoom!]

Pets are great to build a bridge between girls in particular around this age. Taking the dog to the park is always a hit, gives the girls something to talk about.

 

They also are very unconditional and give an avenue of love that is really healthy I think for shy folks. Sometimes, attending pet centered activities is a great place to meet others on that same page. It often is an activity that pulls like minds together. It's a really good social setting that draws neat people together. Animals are just so simple to love.

 

Is there any chance your community has activities that pull together kids who care for animals? There might be something out there even in the advocacy areas. I wonder if a good fit (if not exceptional) socially could be found in those groups.

 

It sounds like with 8 pets she has some really amazing qualities to her.

 

If you'd like, I can bug my oldest daughter about it, she's quite out there with her love of animals and nature.

 

G, growing up, didn't have any fit struggles, she was the coordinator type and loved being the mastermind for large groups around animals. I saw a lot of these types of girls just blossom and be beautiful around each other. There's really something special about it.

 

Caretaking for animals and the outdoors is somehow much less complicated than people, and a lot more fun and joyful for some; I really think it has to do with the atmosphere of unconditional love flowing around.

[LostSurprise]

My 11 year old son is like this.

 

Its not any easier if they do go to school. The other kids at preschool just did not get him. They would wander off when he talked. He really doubted himself from that.

 

But the 60 year old lady who drove his bus? Loved him. Dropped him off last. They would have long wandering conversations.

 

It was the same with me growing up. I don't think I had a single friend who *got* me until I went to college. I had a few friends in school who liked me because I was a good listener and a nice person, but it took that long to find great friends.

 

Don't worry so much. With this kind of personality the friends you do make are close. Just let her know she's just right the way she is and when she's been around a bit she'll start meeting the rest of us. ;) We're few and far between but we're a force for good in the universe, and people appreciate us when they've seen how flaky most people can be.