How to socially redeem yourself when you've stepped in it

[Jean in Newcastle]

Sigh. I said to this woman at Zumba, "Hi, you're V's mom, aren't you?" Her response, "No, I'm not her mom! I'm her sister! Do I look 70 to you?" She was hopping mad. (In my defense, she didn't look 70 but she did look like she was in her mid 60's). I did not say that though! I said that I was so sorry, of course she didn't look old. . . So was there any possible way to redeem myself after I stepped in it so royally and she took it so badly? (And yes, next time I should say "Are you related to V?" and let her define the relationship. I've learned that lesson.)

[skirch]

"Well that makes so much more sense! I was thinking you looked awfully young to be her mother. I wonder where I got that idea from?"

[Belacqua]

You apologized for an honest (and not so horrible) mistake. If she's determined to rub her mad spot for a while, there probably isn't much you can do. Maybe she was having a lousy day, but most people would just laugh that off and accept your apology with a little more grace. Sorry she was so snitty to you.

[Stacia]

Maybe next time you could say, "Hi, you're V's grandma, right?"

 

Then, she'll probably be glad you thought she was just the mom last time. :tongue_smilie::lol:

 

Oh well. Not sure why she was so snitty. I wouldn't take it personally. It was an honest mistake. Obviously, she was having a bad day.

[Reflections]

I'm sorry - I have no good advice on this. I can only sympathise with you and say that I've stepped in it a time or two (or three), too. Most noteably was when I asked a woman when she was due and she told me to my horror that she was not pregnant.

 

One day it will be funny. Really.

 

But IMO, her response was a little over the top to someone she didn't even really know.

[SKL]

Would saying "wow, she looks so young" have made things worse? That's probably what I would have said.

 

She was probably having a bad day. Shoot. Some people have thought I was my dad's wife (that cradle-robber) . . . and that my younger sister was my mom's sibling. Once my brother was told he couldn't buy my mom a beer until SHE ["your girlfriend"] was carded. Ha ha! People need to lighten up.

[mom2denj]

First, that is funny, sorry!!! I can't believe how mad she got. Geesh people it's not the end of the world!:tongue_smilie:

 

I am 43 and I have a 5 yr old. I have had a few people ask if she was my granddaughter. I just laugh it off.

[Jean in Newcastle]

First, that is funny, sorry!!! I can't believe how mad she got. Geesh people it's not the end of the world!:tongue_smilie:

 

I am 43 and I have a 5 yr old. I have had a few people ask if she was my granddaughter. I just laugh it off.

 

That's the thing. I've been asked if ds14 is my grandson! I think it was her hairstyle - it was one of those short curly styles that is common with people in their 60's.

 

I think there was a language problem or cultural issue there too. She's Vietnamese. Sometimes I've noticed that having a language barrier makes things more blunt.

 

I do feel badly though. I think I'll probably slink around when I see her now in embarrassment.

[fraidycat]

Most noteably was when I asked a woman when she was due and she told me to my horror that she was not pregnant.

 

See, and I'm the mean pregnant witch who said this to strangers when I WAS pregnant, just to see that look of horror. Maybe you asked me? :lol: Yes, I may be a little on the evil side. Muahahahaha! (that's my evil laugh)

 

As for the OP, it wasn't that bad of a question and it seems V's sister may have overreacted a bit. There is really nothing that can be done now, IMO. She'll get over it, or she won't. No biggie, either way the problem is more hers than yours.

[Lisbeth]

Maybe next time you could say, "Hi, you're V's grandma, right?"

 

Then, she'll probably be glad you thought she was just the mom last time. :tongue_smilie::lol:

 

Oh well. Not sure why she was so snitty. I wouldn't take it personally. It was an honest mistake. Obviously, she was having a bad day.

 

Hee! Love this! Or, "oh is your mom just 70? I thought V said she was older."

[KristenR]

:001_huh: Maybe she got so defensive because this is something that has happened to her before. Maybe you're not the first to make that assumption....

[A.J. at J.A.]

Sigh. I said to this woman at Zumba, "Hi, you're V's mom, aren't you?" Her response, "No, I'm not her mom! I'm her sister! Do I look 70 to you?" She was hopping mad. (In my defense, she didn't look 70 but she did look like she was in her mid 60's). I did not say that though! I said that I was so sorry, of course she didn't look old. . . So was there any possible way to redeem myself after I stepped in it so royally and she took it so badly? (And yes, next time I should say "Are you related to V?" and let her define the relationship. I've learned that lesson.)

 

Ooh ooh ooh - pick me! I've done this once with a friend of mine from MOPS. She was at the pediatrician with her kids and there was a man I saw with her outside (he looked significantly older to me at the time) - I said it was nice her dad could come help with the kids. She looked at me, "That's not my dad, that's my husband." I never did really know if she thought it was funny or was angry with me.

 

However, when I was first married (DH was probably 24 and I was 23), we were shopping for shoes in the shoestore for him. Anyway, this lady comes up to me (I'm younger than DH, remember - that's important) and says, "Oh, shopping for your teenager too, huh? I was horrified! I looked at her and said, "He's my husband!" I can't remember if I said, "and he's older than me." but I can assure you DH got an earful after that. He, of course, thought it was hilarious! This man still gets carded at the grocery store and he is almost 42. Just not fair!! and I look every bit my almost 41 years. UGH!

 

Vent over,

Angela

[A.J. at J.A.]

Most noteably was when I asked a woman when she was due and she told me to my horror that she was not pregnant.

 

I've done that before - now I have a vow - no matter how pregnant they look...if they want me to know, they'll tell me! LOL!

[A.J. at J.A.]

Would saying "wow, she looks so young" have made things worse? That's probably what I would have said.

 

 

I have another one (I think this is therapeutic for me)...I was in WalMart with my mom (she's 62 and had me when she was only 22 - so she's on the young side)...anyway, we were in WalMart and this old guy who works there and sees her a lot looks at me and then looks at her and says, "I didn't think you were old enough to have such old children." I'm not kidding!!! I couldn't believe he said it that way. Again - walking away shaking my head. UGH!

[A.J. at J.A.]

First, that is funny, sorry!!! I can't believe how mad she got. Geesh people it's not the end of the world!:tongue_smilie:

 

:iagree:

[A.J. at J.A.]

See, and I'm the mean pregnant witch who said this to strangers when I WAS pregnant, just to see that look of horror. Maybe you asked me? :lol: Yes, I may be a little on the evil side. Muahahahaha! (that's my evil laugh)

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[Jackie in AR]

Most noteably was when I asked a woman when she was due and she told me to my horror that she was not pregnant.

 

I once did that very thing to my brand-new next door neighbor. I wanted to crawl into a hole when she told me that she wasn't expecting. She was very gracious about it, and we never mentioned it again.

 

Two or three years later someone asked me when I was due and said that I seemed to be getting bigger every week (which is how often she saw me). I told her in a nice way that my baby was four months old. :tongue_smilie:

 

What goes around really does sometimes come around. :D

Edited April 4, 2012 by Jackie in AR

[Wheres Toto]

I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds like she was having a bad day.

 

Dh is 55 and has a 6 year old and a 4 year old. He's constantly asked if they are his grandkids. He doesn't get upset though since he realizes that would be more "normal" - his younger brother has a grandchild that's in her 20's.

 

I'm 13 years younger but no one has ever asked if I was his daughter. I used to look young for my age but not since I had my last two kids.

 

We went to a retirement party for one of dh's college professors when my son was around 2 or 3 and my oldest was 13 or 14. She did look older but it was still amazing how many college kids asked her what she was studying at the university (she was in junior high) and how many adults assumed ds was her son so I was grandma. A young grandma, but still. :tongue_smilie:

 

It can be very hard to tell someones age based on brief acquaintance.

[Tranquility7]

Sigh. I said to this woman at Zumba, "Hi, you're V's mom, aren't you?" Her response, "No, I'm not her mom! I'm her sister! Do I look 70 to you?" She was hopping mad. (In my defense, she didn't look 70 but she did look like she was in her mid 60's). I did not say that though! I said that I was so sorry, of course she didn't look old. . . So was there any possible way to redeem myself after I stepped in it so royally and she took it so badly? (And yes, next time I should say "Are you related to V?" and let her define the relationship. I've learned that lesson.)

 

UGH I am so sorry that happened to you!!!!!!

 

I did the same thing to a lady visiting our church a couple of years ago - I asked if she was my friend's mom, because she really did look a lot older than her - only to find out that she was a friend from college! :blushing: :blushing: :blushing: I felt SO BAD. She wasn't at all mean or nasty about it, but I am SURE it hurt her feelings. I learned the same lesson you did - NEVER ASSUME!

[Alicia64]

You apologized for an honest (and not so horrible) mistake. If she's determined to rub her mad spot for a while, there probably isn't much you can do. Maybe she was having a lousy day, but most people would just laugh that off and accept your apology with a little more grace. Sorry she was so snitty to you.

 

:iagree: And I think it isn't very gracious of her to be mad. As if she's never accidentally said something like that. I think most of us have. Sometimes I've said things like that because anxiety is clouding my brain.

 

Also, as a way out, I blame my poor eyesight. Which is real.

 

Go easy on yourself. I've said some really doozies.

 

Alley

[Jenny in GA]

I remember when I was getting my hair done, by a hairdresser who I knew was exactly three years older than me, and another hairdresser in the salon walked by and said to him, "Oh, you're doing your hair for your mom! How sweet!"

 

I was absolutely mortified, especially since I was sitting in the chair and there was nowhere to "go," so to speak. Plus, what I was having done was getting extensions put in, because I had recently been diagnosed with a serious disease that had made a lot of my hair fall out, among other things ... so I felt like, "Great, now I'm diseased and ugly and look 30 years older ..."

 

But whatever. I didn't say anything, and wasn't really mad. I wouldn't recognize the woman if I ever saw her again.

 

I would say the best thing at this point is to just pretend it never happened, although that's easier said that done ...

[Princess Peach]

See, this is when it's advantageous to be an introvert...I never would've spoken to the woman to begin with! :D

[A.J. at J.A.]

See, this is when it's advantageous to be an introvert...I never would've spoken to the woman to begin with! :D

 

:smilielol5::smilielol5:

[famof5redheads]

I was mistaken for my sister's mother when I was in my early 20's by a co-worker of hers. We are only five years apart. Anyone who says the lady should have laughed it off has probably not been mistaken for someone 20 years older, but she shouldn't have been rude to you. She will get over it and have a funny story to tell later if she has a sense of humor. You sincerely apologized and that's really all you can do. Go easy on yourself and chalk it up to a learning experience. I've also made the mistake of asking if someone was pregnant when they weren't. Will NEVER do that one again!

[Karen in CO]

Smile at her and greet her nicely. You made a mistake, and she was rude. Culture and language could have played a big part. Just go on from here. Really. It is okay. I think we've all probably been on both ends of those conversations.

[BigMamaBird]

In this case, I don't think you have to socially redeem yourself. You made a mistake, she overreacted, it's over. If she wants to live her life being so sensitive, that's her issue.

[Brilliant]

I did this recently. I know someone at church, and I met a younger woman at church w/ the same last name. So I asked, "Are you so-and-so's daughter?" (IDIOT!) She laughed hysterically and said, "No, I'm her sister-in-law!" I then realized that she was probably only about 10 years younger. I was mortified because she thought it was so amusing that I'm guessing she reported it to the older s-i-l.

[swellmomma]

I would probably go to V and make a half laughing half apologetic comment of "OMG I just embarassed myself so much, I accidently called your sister your mom"

 

It will get V laughing and chances are she will talk to her sister and tease her about it which often works to make the person see the humour in it not the insult.

[MamaT]

I think she overreacted a bit, and I wouldn't say anything else about it. I have asked someone when they were due, only to have them tell me they weren't pregnant. I do not ask strangers that question anymore, even if they look like they are going to give birth right then. :001_smile:

 

My sister has been asked if she is my mother many times. She is 12 years older, and I have always looked younger than my age. Someone once referred to my dh as my dad! We all think it's funny and laugh about it. I think the lady at Zumba must take herself a little too seriously. Just pretend like it never happened.

[justamouse]

You apologized for an honest (and not so horrible) mistake. If she's determined to rub her mad spot for a while, there probably isn't much you can do. Maybe she was having a lousy day, but most people would just laugh that off and accept your apology with a little more grace. Sorry she was so snitty to you.

:iagree:

 

:grouphug:

[Kathleen in VA]

In this case, I don't think you have to socially redeem yourself. You made a mistake, she overreacted, it's over. If she wants to live her life being so sensitive, that's her issue.

 

:iagree:You did what you could - you apologized. You can't control her response. Just continue to be your sweet, friendly self and chalk it up to experience.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Thank you everyone for making me feel better. I do still have this "I wish I could undo this" feeling but of course I can't. I guess it's harder to just shake off because my intention in going up to her and asking to begin with was motivated by friendliness and wanting to be welcoming and it ended up having the exact opposite result.

 

And to the person who mentioned that she wouldn't have talked to her because she was an introvert. I have this strong mix of introversion and extroversion. My introvert side wants to never make eye contact with anyone again! And my extrovert side (which is partly a result of forcing myself to get out there and talk to people) wants to take a vacation.

Edited April 4, 2012 by Jean in Newcastle

[Reflections]

See, and I'm the mean pregnant witch who said this to strangers when I WAS pregnant, just to see that look of horror. Maybe you asked me? :lol: Yes, I may be a little on the evil side. Muahahahaha! (that's my evil laugh)

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol::001_huh: