Please tell me I'm not going to ruin my child!

[CLBMom]

I have posted on here before about my dilemma I am currently facing with my children's education. They are currently in Catholic school. Right now I have ds4-k4, dd8-2 and ds10-5. The original reason we started considering hsing was purely financial. I'm a nurse and injured my back at work last year (had surgery 3 Weeks ago). No idea when or if I will ever return to work. All 3 of my kids are doing wonderfully at school socially, with no discipline issues EVER (I'm shocked by this lol). All the teachers have nothing but good things to say about them. My younger 2 are also doing awesome academically. Its my oldest I'm worried about. First let me backtrack. We did preschool at home. He started K reading 3 letter words , could count to 50. All the normal preschool stuff. K was in ps. First week in the teacher yelled at me for teaching him too much at home. By January he was coming home telling us how the teacher was having him teach the other kids that didn't know anything :001_huh:. We pulled him out and finished K and did first at home. Life happened and I needed to go back to work the summer he finished first. So I put him and dd4 in a private Christian school. That worked well for 2 years till 3rd grade when my son got beat up on the playground because he was Catholic and his God wasn't the "real" God. The school refused to discipline the other boys involved and stated my son was being too sensitive. Sooooo we switched one again to their current school. As you can see my son has been rather jerked around from school to school. It didn't seem to be a problem. He made honor role and tested well above grade level on standardized tests. Then we started this year. He has held a steady C all year with the occasional D thrown in there.Like I said before behavior is wonderful. I really think he has learning gaps that are just starting to show. I've talked to the teacher and she seems to think he just needs to slow down. I really feel there is more to it. He really likes his teacher, she is young and seems to be laid back and lots of fun maybe too much fun. So here I am trying to plan hs curriculum for 3 kids with no education other then what I've learned here, which is a lot. As I do this I'm getting this nagging feeling that I'm just going to screw him up more by pulling him in yet another direction. For what it's worth he hated the idea if hsing at first but is now excited by it. I'm not sure what brought on that change of heart other then a lot if his buddies are leaving at the end of the year to go to PS. Please tell me I'm not going to ruin him. PS isn't an option, the middle school we are zoned for is 25 miles away and has is own police department! I think if I do it right I can very possibly get him on track, but how do I do that without screwing it up? I'm not near as worried about the other two because they are younger and I guess I figure it is simpler and I have more time . If you are still reading this thank you . I pray the hive has some words of wisdom for me.

[Rosie_0801]

It will take time to find your groove, because it always does when we start something new; but I would wager that you won't ruin him for life because you will work hard to avoid it. ;)

 

Suppose you type up your plans so far and see what the Hive has to say about them?

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

[NanceXToo]

It's normal to feel anxious about doing something different and making a change. It's normal to have that nagging feeling about "what if I screw them up" when YOU are taking on the responsibility instead of passing it off to someone else (the school).

 

Isn't funny how we don't think that way about sending them off to school? ("What if I screw them up by sending them there???") Just because it's considered "the norm" to do so?

 

I know how you feel because homeschooling was never on my radar a little over three years ago. My daughter started out in public school. I pulled her out toward the end of her third grade year and I had that nagging feeling, too.

 

But I was surprised at how quickly it just felt right and natural and how easily we fell into our own way of doing things and how relatively smoothly the transition went and we just never looked back. Three years later my only regret has been not doing it sooner, and she's only 11 but so far I don't feel like I've ruined anything or anyone. I feel that I have a lot to offer my kids, that homeschooling has a lot to offer, that I have a vested interest in their outcome, that I can offer them a more customized education, a more well-rounded one, we enjoy being together, I'm enjoying their childhood and they are getting more out of it, it's really been great overall and I found myself wondering, if anything, what I was ever worried about.

 

I think you will be just fine. :) You're obviously putting a lot of thought and research into this, you obviously care about your kids, so do your thing, and try to enjoy the process.

[ThisIsTheDay]

As Rosie said, it will take a bit of time to find your groove.

 

I don't have any advice on picking curriculum; you might try at the K-8 boards. But I would start slowly over the summer, with one subject (wherever you think he is weakest) and then perhaps picking up a second subject. It doesn't even have to be a formal curriculum, maybe just having him work on writing or reading. I would definitely recommend that you begin a family read aloud and read to your kids as a group at a certain time each day. From my own experience with boys, I would also do what I could to get my kids outside each day. If you are unable to walk with them, perhaps there is something you can buy for your backyard that they might enjoy, or you can make regular visits to the park, etc.

 

I'd plan for a "first day of school" celebration in August or Sept., whenever you plan to really begin school. Everything you plan will probably not work perfectly. Give yourself some grace. Your efforts and your love for your child(ren) will more than make up for whatever missteps you may take. (We ALL take them!!)

 

As to your original question, you will NOT mess up your kids by homeschooling. I think that's a fear known to most of us, particularly those who pull their kids out of a "regular" school. If you were going to mess them up, it wouldn't matter if they were in ps, private school, or at home.

 

While I would suggest moving slowly and working at maintaining/building that bond, other families might find it works better to jump right in. You will know what will be best for your family.

[kareng]

As Rosie said, it will take a bit of time to find your groove.

 

I don't have any advice on picking curriculum; you might try at the K-8 boards. But I would start slowly over the summer, with one subject (wherever you think he is weakest) and then perhaps picking up a second subject. It doesn't even have to be a formal curriculum, maybe just having him work on writing or reading. I would definitely recommend that you begin a family read aloud and read to your kids as a group at a certain time each day. From my own experience with boys, I would also do what I could to get my kids outside each day. If you are unable to walk with them, perhaps there is something you can buy for your backyard that they might enjoy, or you can make regular visits to the park, etc.

 

I'd plan for a "first day of school" celebration in August or Sept., whenever you plan to really begin school. Everything you plan will probably not work perfectly. Give yourself some grace. Your efforts and your love for your child(ren) will more than make up for whatever missteps you may take. (We ALL take them!!)

 

As to your original question, you will NOT mess up your kids by homeschooling. I think that's a fear known to most of us, particularly those who pull their kids out of a "regular" school. If you were going to mess them up, it wouldn't matter if they were in ps, private school, or at home.

 

While I would suggest moving slowly and working at maintaining/building that bond, other families might find it works better to jump right in. You will know what will be best for your family.

 

I totally agree! :iagree: The beauty of homeschooling is that you can tailor it for your family and your circumstances. So starting slowly over the summer gives you the ability to tweak as you go. I'll be praying for you! :-)

Edited March 13, 2012 by kareng

[*********]

I would guess that MOST of us here have had that 'Am I going to mess them up by homeschooling them' thought at one point. I did, at least. In the beginning. 'Cause it's a big responsibility, this education thing. :001_smile:

 

But you know, I've had the 'I hope I don't screw them up' thought about a LOT of things in their lives. But the older I get, the more experience I have being a mom, the less often I have that feeling.

 

You worry about it because you love them. And the fact that you CARE if you mess them up, IMO, means you are less likely to actually do it. :D

[Matryoshka]

Isn't funny how we don't think that way about sending them off to school? ("What if I screw them up by sending them there???") Just because it's considered "the norm" to do so?

 

LOL speak for yourself. :) I'm planning to send my oldest two off to ps high school next year, which is the first time they'll have ever gone to school ever, including preschool, daycare - nothing!

 

I am totally having those feelings. Homeschooling is our norm - this seems like a really radical choice :willy_nilly:.

 

To the OP - if the younger two are happy and thriving, would it be less overwhelming to bring home the oldest for a year first, then the other two next year?

[ktgrok]

Ok, the drastic grade change and new desire to homeschool says to me there is more going on at school than meets the eye. I bet he is stressed out. Bring the poor kid home! You won't mess him up. If you are up posting at 3am about his education you are too good a parent to mess him up.

 

Bring him home!

[Parrothead]

It really is hard for a concerned parent to mess up a kid's education. It will be fine.

[Ellie]

Perhaps these quotes might help you decide:

 

The Right and Duty of Parents Regarding Education

36. The task of giving education is rooted in the primary vocation of married couples to particpate in God's creative activity: by begetting in love and for love a new person who has within himself or herself the vocation to growth and development, parents by that very fact take on the task of helping that person effectively to live a fully human life. As the Second Vatican Council recalled, "since parents have conferred life on the children, they have the most solemn obligation to educate their offspring. Hence, parents must be acknowledged as the first and foremost educators of their children. Their roles as educators is so decisive that scarecely anything can compensate for their failure in it. For it devolves on parents to creat a family atmosphere so animated with love and reverence for God and others that a well-rounded personal and social developement will be fostered amonth the children. Hence, the family is the first school of those social virtues which every society needs.

John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation, Familiaris Consortio, 1981, n. 36

 

2221. The fedundity of conjugal love cannot be reduced soley to the procreation of children, but must extend to their moral education and their spiritual formation. "The role of parents in education is of such importance that it is almost impossible to provide an adequate substitute." The right and dtuy of parents to educate their children are of primordial and inalienable.

Cathechism of the Catholic Church

 

The Church recognizes the importance and the responsiblity of parents in educating their children, even though "homeschooling" is not specifically mentioned. :-) I don't see anything that says "...only until the children are school age, and then that responsibility becomes the Catholic school's."

 

I have no doubt that you are capable of teaching your children at home. And you don't have to justify that decision. The mere fact that you have children and that you want to homeschool is enough. :)

[katilac]

It really is hard for a concerned parent to mess up a kid's education. It will be fine.

 

This, exactly. If you put in the time, if you and he are both working at it steadily, you will not "mess up" his education. Will you pick the wrong text for a certain subject? At some point, almost certainly, but the same goes for any school. Kids who are in school survive terrible texts, substitute teachers for entire semesters, and other negatives without ruining their entire education.

 

"Just do it" stikes me as a very apt slogan for homeschoolers. As long as you "just do it" on a regular basis, you are moving in the right direction. The biggest pitfall for hs'ers, imo, is that it's very easy to NOT do it. Every month or so, step back and evaluate. Are we on track? (on track for your own goals) Are we putting in the time and effort needed for a quality education? And so on. Great hs'ing can look different from family to family, but it should always be a priority, not an afterthought.

 

I agree with putting the focus on your oldest - it is much easier in elementary. Is there any chance of bringing him home this year? That would give you guys a couple of months to experiment and find your groove before next year.

[GingerPoppy]

I agree with a pp that it is a great idea to start one subject area (the weakest) over the summer, along with a read aloud.

 

Don't worry about ruining him--it sounds to me like homeschooling might be just the thing to help him fill in whatever gaps are there. School will just go flying ahead, while you can take the time to find problems, fix them, and go at his speed.

 

I think grade 5 is a pretty common time to suddenly find a child not doing as well, but I think you're right--gaps are just coming to light. He reminds me of one of my current students. The boy had always done fairly well from K - 4 (at least on his report card), but started having real problems in grade 5. I started working with him and found he was completely lacking a strong foundation in understanding math (concepts of place value, operations, decimals, fractions, and so on) going back to about grade 2. When the math was easier, he was able to muddle along and follow a set of steps to get a good grade. But when the difficulty increased and a higher level of problem solving was expected, he had no foundation to draw from and started doing poorly.

 

Anyway, meet him where he is and find the weak links. Have fun, and don't worry about the bad days. There's definitely a learning curve, but you'll get through it!

[mumto2]

Put together a plan that you think will work well for you and your kids. Keep an eye on this forum. Great links and ideas are constantly being posted. Most importantly remember there will be gaps. All education methods have them. Cover your curriculum choices well and enjoy it. Try not to worry that someone else is doing something else. If you really like that idea maybe that is what you should do next.

[wapiti]

For the moment, I'd have more conferences with the teacher to dig deep down behind the reason for the poor grades. I'd want to very specifically identify gaps in each subject area, even if it means, for example, leafing through a grade level curriculum with your ds to see what he knows, or making him do placement tests to see what skills/content he gets wrong/can't do. I'd also want to make sure that gaps were the issue rather than there being the possibility of a learning issue. Maybe the new school is more demanding generally, or uses materials that are more advanced than the old schools, or presents lessons differently. Whatever it is, whether you keep him there or homeschool, you'll want to know the reasons behind the poor grades.

 

Then, I'd spend from now on after school, and through the summer, addressing the gaps. I'd homeschool next year (or starting now) if the gaps were very significant, like whole grade levels in every subject. But, I'd be reluctant to pull him out of the current school if I thought the school was otherwise offering an education with which I'd be satisfied if you and he were able to close the gaps in the short term.

[Teachin'Mine]

You won't ruin your child. Your child will likely thrive. :001_smile:

[momoftwoinga]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Bang!Zoom!]

For the moment, I'd have more conferences with the teacher to dig deep down behind the reason for the poor grades. I'd want to very specifically identify gaps in each subject area, even if it means, for example, leafing through a grade level curriculum with your ds to see what he knows, or making him do placement tests to see what skills/content he gets wrong/can't do. I'd also want to make sure that gaps were the issue rather than there being the possibility of a learning issue. Maybe the new school is more demanding generally, or uses materials that are more advanced than the old schools, or presents lessons differently. Whatever it is, whether you keep him there or homeschool, you'll want to know the reasons behind the poor grades.

 

Then, I'd spend from now on after school, and through the summer, addressing the gaps. I'd homeschool next year (or starting now) if the gaps were very significant, like whole grade levels in every subject. But, I'd be reluctant to pull him out of the current school if I thought the school was otherwise offering an education with which I'd be satisfied if you and he were able to close the gaps in the short term.

 

This is really good advice.

[Night Elf]

Do you think you will homeschool longer than a single year? If so, then you won't mess him up by getting him caught up to where you believe he should be.

 

Homeschooling allows you to cater to his specific needs. His teacher cannot give him much one-on-one attention because she has to teach the other kids as well.

 

Is it possible to just bring him home and leave the others in school for a while? It sounds like they are doing fine but the problem is really his grades. Although you also said you have financial concerns. Private schools can be expensive. Where I live, they are completely out of our league.

[CLBMom]

Thank you ladies for all the advice and encouragement :) I thought about pulling him out now but the school charges a ridiculous fee for breaking the contract and it would be the same cost to just leave him in 3 more months. He is taking the Tera Nova next week. I am going to talk to the teacher and request that we review those results as soon as they get them due to his change in grades. He did wonderfully last year. He got between 7th stanine in English and 9th in science and history. I am hoping that this will give me an idea of where he is right now.

I hate to think I am a big part of what is wrong with him. I explained about my injury and the financial stress it has caused. We all know how good kids are at picking up on their parents stress. He is very worried about my health, he talks about it often. He started seeing the school counselor last fall because of the grades and all she can find wrong is his stress about me. He asks about my prognosis a lot. I refuse to lie to him, the truth is we just don't know. It will be a year before we can determine if the surgery was a success. If I "behave" myself I have a good chance to have a pretty normal life. Doctors have told me that if I return to the same work and continue to put all that stress on my body, I will probably cripple myself within 10 years. Obviously this is why I have no plans to return to work full time. Maybe in the distant future I will be able to handle part time like one day a week. We shall see. When he asks I tell him that Mommy and the Doctors are doing everything we can to make sure that I heal correctly. He understands that I have a lot of restrictions. He has been awesome about stepping up and helping me with housework, laundry and all those things I can't do. Again Mom feels guilty that all the kids have had to take on more work because of me.

We definitely plan on hsing more then one year. At least through middle school for ds10. Not sure about high school, ds10 already has his sights on playing high school baseball. We will tackle that when in comes. I myself was hsed in high school so I'm certainly not against it. I know life happens but for now the plan is long term.

Now for curriculum. Like I said I'm mostly worried about the oldest because I feel I have less time for error. For ds10 and dd8 I was thinking TT, but now I'm not so sure. It is $$ and that is an issue. Currently I'm considering MM. As for grammar, spelling and writing I'm completely lost. There is so much to pick from! Maybe R&S? I'm open for suggestions but not very good at the hives abbreviations yet:tongue_smilie:. For history I'm looking at RC Connecting history. I'm thinking I could do it with the 2 older together with the oldest doing more of course. Science I have no clue but want something secular. My second biggest fear is how to teach ds4 (will be 5 in August) to read. I need a good phonics program that won't take all of my time. I'm not looking for a full K program. I think just a good phonics program, some math workbooks and math play with lots of read alouds will be enough. Plus he will be tagging along with the older 2 in history and science. Well I've written another book. Thank you again for all of your help:001_smile: