MamaT Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 My 12yo dd has been a gymnast since she was 5. The sport is her passion and she is naturally gifted. For years she has gone to gym 4 hours or more a day, 5 (now 6, at her new level) days a week. She will do all the schoolwork she can, go to gym, come home and eat dinner, take a shower, and finish her schoolwork without once complaining. All that to say, she has an incredible work ethic. She is the hardest worker of my 6 children. She has new coaches this year - one is a several time Olympic coach and the other (his wife) competed in Worlds. She has definitely benefitted from their coaching. We have been to one meet this year where she easily won all-around. Here's my dilemma: Since that first meet, she has had an issue with one of her series on the beam. She has gotten scared of doing it. It IS a dangerous series, but in gymnastics she has gotten used to getting past fear. I know that she will eventually get over it and complete the series - no worries. Her coach is demanding that she do this series at our meet this Saturday or scratch beam. Scratching beam means she gets a 0 score for beam, and since this is a qualifying meet, could put her out of State competition (which she has won before, and which will disappoint her greatly). Our suggestion was that she do a simpler series for this meet and work on the more difficult one in practice before the next meet. Her coach is not budging. I think she has forgotten that my dd is 12 and not an adult. My dh talked to her for almost an hour this morning and she is insisting that my dd will scratch beam. Should we talk to her and insist that dd be allowed to compete beam, or just stay out of it and let the coaches coach? We all (our family) sacrifice our time, money (to the tune of many thousands a year), and hate to see dd's chances of progressing through state and regional shot at the beginning of meet season. I know this is long, so if you read it all and have an opinion, thanks. I'm afraid my Mama Bear that hates to see her dd disappointed, clouds my perspective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 I'm certainly no expert on competitive gymnastics, but it sounds like the coach is being entirely unreasonable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 Can you insist? If your dh talked to her for an hour, and she wouldn't budge, how will you convince her? Does she know your dd is scared or does she think it's a discipline/attitude/laziness issue? What a tough situation. I'm sure my claws would come out. P.S. It feels weird to call your dh "dh" and your dd "dd" when I know you guys irl. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 My kids are not competitive athletes, but my son is a gifted guitarist and works with a world class teacher . . . From that perspective, I would say that you are generally well advised to just go with the coach's guidance. The coach has btdt, and probably at the same or younger age. The coach understands what your child needs to learn in order to get to the next level. There have been times when I have spoken up and advocated for what I want for my son, but i always do it carefully. . . A while back, I decided that i wanted ds to enter in particular competition summer 2012. I told his teachers that, 'I'm pulling the mommy card . . . And I'd like ds to enter in the xxx competition next summer because of reasons 1, 2, and 3. What do you think?" This approach worked well for me, as his teachers laughed at my phrasing, had a chance to talk me out of it - but did not try to do so- but the way I phrased it made it clear that I had a strong opinion. They all agreed that it was a reasonable thing to do, and got on board iwth the idea quickly. By now, I think they might each think it was their idea. It helps that this was the first time I had ever done such a thing, and I have not done it since. For all other aspects of music, I have always completely deferred to the teachers . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 We're just starting on the gymnastics team with dd (5) and she's just a level 4, so I don't know what I'd do in your situation. BUT, what if your dd entered and just did the easier series during the competition? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowbeltmom Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 She has new coaches this year - one is a several time Olympic coach and the other (his wife) competed in Worlds. She has definitely benefitted from their coaching. We have been to one meet this year where she easily won all-around... Our suggestion was that she do a simpler series for this meet and work on the more difficult one in practice before the next meet. Her coach is not budging. I think she has forgotten that my dd is 12 and not an adult. My dh talked to her for almost an hour this morning and she is insisting that my dd will scratch beam. Should we talk to her and insist that dd be allowed to compete beam, or just stay out of it and let the coaches coach? We all (our family) sacrifice our time, money (to the tune of many thousands a year), and hate to see dd's chances of progressing through state and regional shot at the beginning of meet season. I think your suggestion is more than reasonable. I would be listening to dd on this. If she were forced to do a routine when afraid, she risks a serious injury. I would tell dd to ignore the coach and do the routine she wants on the beam. I would then be looking for another coach that shares your same views on athletic development. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 I think your suggestion is more than reasonable. I would be listening to dd on this. If she were forced to do a routine when afraid, she risks a serious injury. I would tell dd to ignore the coach and do the routine she wants on the beam. I would then be looking for another coach that shares your same views on athletic development. Really? I would never think to do that. I'm not sure that's a good idea at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 One thought is that the coach is likely insisting that your dd do the harder series bc the coach sees it as mentally important for her to get past that fear right now. Competition is mental as much as physical. If you don't trust the coach's motivations (ie you fear the coach is just wanting a win rather than wanting your dd to progress/perform at her best), or, if you don't trust with the coach's professional judgment, then you will probably be best off by first trying to talk it through until you've resolved your concerns . . . Or, if you can't resolve them, find new coaches. I am sure you are investing heavily in this, and you need to be able to trust the coaches. If you do trust them on all levels, then you need to let it go, support the coaches, and hug your dd telling her that you know she will do her best and that she will be awesome, win, lose, or draw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted January 26, 2012 Author Share Posted January 26, 2012 I'm certainly no expert on competitive gymnastics, but it sounds like the coach is being entirely unreasonable. Me too. Thanks for agreeing with me. :001_smile: Can you insist? If your dh talked to her for an hour, and she wouldn't budge, how will you convince her? Does she know your dd is scared or does she think it's a discipline/attitude/laziness issue? What a tough situation. I'm sure my claws would come out. P.S. It feels weird to call your dh "dh" and your dd "dd" when I know you guys irl. :lol: I think if we called her and absolutely insisted, she would give in, but my fear is that it would make her angry with us. I don't want her to get mad at us and take it out on dd, who spends upwards of 20 hours a week with her. I know you know this dd :001_smile: She is so quiet and reserved that she doesn't speak up for herself - to someone who doesn't know her I can see how it would look like stubbornness. She stood on the beam and tried for an hour yesterday. When she came off the beam, she was sobbing. It broke my heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 I think if we called her and absolutely insisted, she would give in, but my fear is that it would make her angry with us. I don't want her to get mad at us and take it out on dd, who spends upwards of 20 hours a week with her. If she is willing to take out her anger on your dd, is this a person you really want as a coach? I think you're giving her way too much power. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngieC Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 My dd is an L4 gymnastic, but this is my advice: If I were you, I would go on over to chalkbucket.com, register for their forums and post your question again. There are a lot of very knowledgeable coaches who should be able to help you with this question. If you don't want to post there, I would say only approach the coaches and insist she be able to compete beam if you think you can do so without damaging your daughter's gymnast/coach relationship. Good luck and I hope your dd overcomes her fears! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted January 26, 2012 Author Share Posted January 26, 2012 I think your suggestion is more than reasonable. I would be listening to dd on this. If she were forced to do a routine when afraid, she risks a serious injury. I would tell dd to ignore the coach and do the routine she wants on the beam. I would then be looking for another coach that shares your same views on athletic development. She can't ignore the coach and do it anyway. She mounts the beam with a front tuck from a springboard, which a coach has to place before the routine. I don't want her to do that anyway - it smacks of disrespect to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 Why's she scared? I know there has been a lot of coverage locally of a gymnast who suffered a spinal cord injury in a fall from the bars in practice-less than a week after winning with the same routine, and it's had a lot of girls scared. In listening to the parents of the team girls, a lot of the girls are having to back off on difficulty a little bit and regain their confidence in themselves, because of the fear that "This could happen to me". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 She can't ignore the coach and do it anyway. She mounts the beam with a front tuck from a springboard, which a coach has to place before the routine. I don't want her to do that anyway - it smacks of disrespect to me. :iagree: Talking with the coach and insisting on doing it your way is one thing, but blatantly lying is quite another thing altogether. I would suspect that if your dd pulled a stunt like that, the coach would quit on the spot. And I wouldn't blame her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted January 26, 2012 Author Share Posted January 26, 2012 If she is willing to take out her anger on your dd, is this a person you really want as a coach? I think you're giving her way too much power. I know she wouldn't do it consciously. It is just that we need to maintain a good rapport with her in our circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 What is the coach's reasoning? If the coach has a sound well-thought-out reason that she can explain well to you and to your dd, that would make a big difference in this decision. Otherwise, I'd insist that your dd be allowed to compete the routine that she is comfortable with. I wonder if the coach see this is a power struggle with your dd and is trying to stick to her guns so as not to seem like a pushover. If so, she is instead punishing her athlete for not feeling prepared to do what's asked of her. I think many adults do this at times, we just pick the wrong battle. The middle of a competition is NOT the time to conquer a fear. This might be a good opportunity for your dd to learn how to trust her own isntincts as to what she's ready for, and for the coach to learn more about your dd as an athlete. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 What is the coach's reasoning? If the coach has a sound well-thought-out reason that she can explain well to you and to your dd, that would make a big difference in this decision. Otherwise, I'd insist that your dd be allowed to compete the routine that she is comfortable with. I wonder if the coach see this is a power struggle with your dd and is trying to stick to her guns so as not to seem like a pushover. If so, she is instead punishing her athlete for not feeling prepared to do what's asked of her. I think many adults do this at times, we just pick the wrong battle. The middle of a competition is NOT the time to conquer a fear. This might be a good opportunity for your dd to learn how to trust her own isntincts as to what she's ready for, and for the coach to learn more about your dd as an athlete. Cat :iagree: As you can see, at least 2 Cats are in agreement on this one, so forum law dictates that you have to do what we say. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 As you can see, at least 2 Cats are in agreement on this one, so forum law dictates that you have to do what we say. :D :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted January 26, 2012 Author Share Posted January 26, 2012 What is the coach's reasoning? If the coach has a sound well-thought-out reason that she can explain well to you and to your dd, that would make a big difference in this decision. Otherwise, I'd insist that your dd be allowed to compete the routine that she is comfortable with. I wonder if the coach see this is a power struggle with your dd and is trying to stick to her guns so as not to seem like a pushover. If so, she is instead punishing her athlete for not feeling prepared to do what's asked of her. I think many adults do this at times, we just pick the wrong battle. The middle of a competition is NOT the time to conquer a fear. This might be a good opportunity for your dd to learn how to trust her own isntincts as to what she's ready for, and for the coach to learn more about your dd as an athlete. Cat The power struggle deal is what we felt like was going on - but maybe we were wrong. :001_smile: Dd just sent me a text to tell me SHE DID IT! She then went on to do it repeatedly. She is going to compete the more difficult series. Could it be that her coach was right? I guess I can chalk this up to a lesson learned (for me). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 My first question was her age, around 12-13 they go through significant body changes that can alter their center of gravity and cause some miscalculations, especially on beam...she is not prone to these fears, there can be a valid reason why she is! Do not look at this as a power struggle, take the time to hear him out and make sure you are clearly expressing your reservations...if there were an injury, would he assume liability or you? There lies the answer to the question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 The power struggle deal is what we felt like was going on - but maybe we were wrong. :001_smile: Dd just sent me a text to tell me SHE DID IT! She then went on to do it repeatedly. She is going to compete the more difficult series. Could it be that her coach was right? I guess I can chalk this up to a lesson learned (for me). It doesn't matter now who was right, if your dd is fine with doing the more difficult series now -- I'm so glad this is working out for her! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 Has your daughter been successful in completing the pass during practice before becoming scared of it? Could her coach be making the ultimatum in hopes that it will have your DD push past some fear that has become deep seated in her brain? Does this skill combo make the difference of competing different at a lower level? I know from watching the higher level girls at our gym that they cannot be considered the next level at a meet unless they have all of that levels skills. There was one girl stuck on level 7 for 3 years because she refused to do a move on one of the apparatus. My own DD refused to do two skills correctly and had to repeat her level because of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura in MI Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 What is the coach's reasoning? If the coach has a sound well-thought-out reason that she can explain well to you and to your dd, that would make a big difference in this decision. Otherwise, I'd insist that your dd be allowed to compete the routine that she is comfortable with. I wonder if the coach see this is a power struggle with your dd and is trying to stick to her guns so as not to seem like a pushover. If so, she is instead punishing her athlete for not feeling prepared to do what's asked of her. I think many adults do this at times, we just pick the wrong battle. The middle of a competition is NOT the time to conquer a fear. This might be a good opportunity for your dd to learn how to trust her own isntincts as to what she's ready for, and for the coach to learn more about your dd as an athlete. Cat :iagree: We've had something similar happen with dd14's coach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted January 26, 2012 Author Share Posted January 26, 2012 Has your daughter been successful in completing the pass during practice before becoming scared of it? Could her coach be making the ultimatum in hopes that it will have your DD push past some fear that has become deep seated in her brain? Does this skill combo make the difference of competing different at a lower level? I know from watching the higher level girls at our gym that they cannot be considered the next level at a meet unless they have all of that levels skills. There was one girl stuck on level 7 for 3 years because she refused to do a move on one of the apparatus. My own DD refused to do two skills correctly and had to repeat her level because of this. She has completed this pass repeatedly in the past, and yes, it was a matter of pushing past fear. No, it was not a required skill for her level. She is competing 8, and it is a level 9 skill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 She has completed this pass repeatedly in the past, and yes, it was a matter of pushing past fear. :) So maybe the coach took a risk and picked the *right* battle. Sometimes you just don't know until it all plays out. Congrats to your dd. I don't know her, but I am proud of her.:hurray: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 Is it a BHS-BHS? I am glad it worked out for you guys, but I thought it might be of some comfort to know my daughter also got weirdly frightened of that series. We changed gyms over it. The new gym wouldn't let her change to a new series, either, but we thought perhaps they could "fix" it. They made some progress, but not enough. My daughter (level 9) finally got a stress fracture in her back from all of the backwards bending. THAT is when I put my foot down, played the Mom card, as someone else said, and it was accepted by the coaches. As soon as she was cleared to tumble, she switched to a front tuck/back tuck. Loves it, gets lots of compliments on it, can't wait to compete it (she is out with an elbow injury right now). Anyway, that is our story about the BHS/BHS series. Hate it! Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted January 26, 2012 Author Share Posted January 26, 2012 Is it a BHS-BHS? I am glad it worked out for you guys, but I thought it might be of some comfort to know my daughter also got weirdly frightened of that series. We changed gyms over it. The new gym wouldn't let her change to a new series, either, but we thought perhaps they could "fix" it. They made some progress, but not enough. My daughter (level 9) finally got a stress fracture in her back from all of the backwards bending. THAT is when I put my foot down, played the Mom card, as someone else said, and it was accepted by the coaches. As soon as she was cleared to tumble, she switched to a front tuck/back tuck. Loves it, gets lots of compliments on it, can't wait to compete it (she is out with an elbow injury right now). Anyway, that is our story about the BHS/BHS series. Hate it! Terri Yes, it's BHS/BHS! Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 Yes, it's BHS/BHS! Lol For those of us who don't know gymnastics, what is that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 For those of us who don't know gymnastics, what is that? Back handspring back handspring on beam. Nearly every college gymnast, and many elites, have this in their routines. It is much, much harder than it looks. Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 Back handspring back handspring on beam. Nearly every college gymnast, and many elites, have this in their routines. It is much, much harder than it looks. Terri Oh, I don't know. I think you are underestimating how hard beam routines look to those of us who don't see them over and over again. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 (edited) My 12yo dd has been a gymnast since she was 5. The sport is her passion and she is naturally gifted. For years she has gone to gym 4 hours or more a day, 5 (now 6, at her new level) days a week. She will do all the schoolwork she can, go to gym, come home and eat dinner, take a shower, and finish her schoolwork without once complaining. All that to say, she has an incredible work ethic. She is the hardest worker of my 6 children. She has new coaches this year - one is a several time Olympic coach and the other (his wife) competed in Worlds. She has definitely benefitted from their coaching. We have been to one meet this year where she easily won all-around. Here's my dilemma: Since that first meet, she has had an issue with one of her series on the beam. She has gotten scared of doing it. It IS a dangerous series, but in gymnastics she has gotten used to getting past fear. I know that she will eventually get over it and complete the series - no worries. Her coach is demanding that she do this series at our meet this Saturday or scratch beam. Scratching beam means she gets a 0 score for beam, and since this is a qualifying meet, could put her out of State competition (which she has won before, and which will disappoint her greatly). Our suggestion was that she do a simpler series for this meet and work on the more difficult one in practice before the next meet. Her coach is not budging. I think she has forgotten that my dd is 12 and not an adult. My dh talked to her for almost an hour this morning and she is insisting that my dd will scratch beam. Should we talk to her and insist that dd be allowed to compete beam, or just stay out of it and let the coaches coach? We all (our family) sacrifice our time, money (to the tune of many thousands a year), and hate to see dd's chances of progressing through state and regional shot at the beginning of meet season. I know this is long, so if you read it all and have an opinion, thanks. I'm afraid my Mama Bear that hates to see her dd disappointed, clouds my perspective. NVM, glad it worked out. Faithe Edited January 27, 2012 by Mommyfaithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted January 27, 2012 Author Share Posted January 27, 2012 :) So maybe the coach took a risk and picked the *right* battle. Sometimes you just don't know until it all plays out. Congrats to your dd. I don't know her, but I am proud of her.:hurray: Cat Thanks for being proud of her with me! Here is a picture of her doing her straddle jump on the floor at her last meet: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrdinaryTime Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 Amazing! So glad she conquered her fear! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 Thanks for being proud of her with me! Here is a picture of her doing her straddle jump on the floor at her last meet: She's stunning! I wish I had legs like that, lol! I'm really proud of her!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 Thanks for being proud of her with me! Here is a picture of her doing her straddle jump on the floor at her last meet: Gorgeous straddle jump!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 The power struggle deal is what we felt like was going on - but maybe we were wrong. :001_smile: Dd just sent me a text to tell me SHE DID IT! She then went on to do it repeatedly. She is going to compete the more difficult series. Could it be that her coach was right? I guess I can chalk this up to a lesson learned (for me). :party::party: Yeah! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AStableBeginning Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 Awesome straddle jump! I have two level 5's this season and a little one moving to pre-team next week and hoping to make level 4 this summer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.