bnrmom Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 We have a long history of issues, and I'll spare you the details. She's a textbook narcissistic, victim mentality. My mom had hip surgery last week. Rough recovery, wasn't able to keep food down for a week, has been transferred to a nursing care facility and will be there for another week. Every single day I've been there, bringing food, running errands, doing laundry, putting socks on and off, dealing with nurses and prescriptions, putting lotion on her back, getting the right popsicles, making special soup, baked potatoes, muffins - anything she might be able to eat. You name it, I've been doing it. My sister was helping a bit last week, but refused to run errands or come by my house to pick up things my mom needed from here (my mom lives with me) even though my house is literally 4 minutes from the nursing facility. My sister lives 10 minutes from here. She refused to pick up the more comfortable leg wedge that was only sold at a medical supply store that is 6 minutes from her house, because, and I quote, "she had too many of her own errands to run." My sister is in part time art school, which started back up this week. She has not been to see my mom since Tuesday, and informed her via text that she will be unavailable for the foreseeable future. She's busy this week, this weekend, and all next week. Just too busy. You know, how a single person with no kids and no job would be when they go to art school part time. She completely bailed on me when my mom could no longer pay her rent and had to move in with me 5 months ago. Completely disappeared. Didn't help pack a single box or anything. She was "too busy." I am done. I am just done. I have spent hours and hours and hours helping my sister through every single freaking drama of her life (and there are sooooo many). It is a completely one way relationship, and I am done. I don't take cutting people out of my life lightly, but I don't see any reason to continue this relationship. I homeschool my kids, I work part-time (and Jan is the busiest month because I do bookkeeping and 1099s and the 31st is the deadline). Plus I've had to take over all my mom's clients (she's in the same line of work) because she didn't think she'd be out of commission this long. I'm doing conference calls at lunch when dh is home to watch the kids, and working evenings and weekends. I know on this board I don't have to list how crazy it is to homeschool and work at the same time. I have been going like a crazy woman, have cut out all "me" time - haven't gone to yoga in weeks, despite it being the only thing that keeps my back from going out. And she is just fine with dumping all of this on me. I want to scream and send nasty emails, but I'm just going to breathe through this and move forward. But thank you for letting me vent! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Vent away. My relationship with my controlling, argumentative sister wasnt worth all the stress she caused. I had to cut her out of my life for dh's and my sanity. I have no regrets at all. One sided relationships are really draining. I HEAR you. With your mother living with you, how can you truly cut her out of your life? Set up boundaries and stick to them. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Your sister is a jerk. I'm sorry! Vent here anytime!! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I'm so sorry! :grouphug: :grouphug: Definitely feel free to vent. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 :grouphug: Is your mom understanding all this? If she has "clients" she isn't 85 and demented. If she is on board about this, and this current trouble is over, consider getting durable power of attorney for her, so that if she should become incapacitated for any reason, you do not have to discuss the details with your sister. Your mother may not have much, but I've met these types, and they can get ugly over the big screen TV as soon as they see blood in the water. Also, medical power of attorney. Your mom doesn't need this trouble in her life when the chips are down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Your sister is a jerk. I'm sorry! Vent here anytime!! :grouphug: :iagree::iagree::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bnrmom Posted January 20, 2012 Author Share Posted January 20, 2012 :grouphug: Is your mom understanding all this? If she has "clients" she isn't 85 and demented. If she is on board about this, and this current trouble is over, consider getting durable power of attorney for her, so that if she should become incapacitated for any reason, you do not have to discuss the details with your sister. Your mother may not have much, but I've met these types, and they can get ugly over the big screen TV as soon as they see blood in the water. Also, medical power of attorney. Your mom doesn't need this trouble in her life when the chips are down. Oh, she completely understands all this. She is 70 and in perfect mental health. I believe I am already listed as medical power of attorney. My sister has been a PIA for such a long time, that there is no way my mom would want her dealing with any serious issues. My mom loves her, of course, and has tried hard to have a relationship with her, but everything is always about what my mom isn't doing for her, how she didn't give her enough when she was a child, how my mom loves me more, blah blah blah. It's so old I can't even stand it. She even had her long time therapist tell her that she had to stop blaming everything on her mom, so she switched therapists. Oh, and my sister has only been here once to see my mom since she moved in, and that was Christmas Day, when she asked if she could come over (first I'd heard from her in 3 months) and then showed up with a raging fever and left 2 hours later because she was so sick she could barely stand up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmama Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 :grouphug: Is your mom understanding all this? If she has "clients" she isn't 85 and demented. If she is on board about this, and this current trouble is over, consider getting durable power of attorney for her, so that if she should become incapacitated for any reason, you do not have to discuss the details with your sister. Your mother may not have much, but I've met these types, and they can get ugly over the big screen TV as soon as they see blood in the water. Also, medical power of attorney. Your mom doesn't need this trouble in her life when the chips are down. This is excellent advice (having once been there, and much more was at stake than a TV, though I totally get what this poster is saying!) This is so tough. Sorry you must deal with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PentecostalMom Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I'm so sorry! :grouphug: :grouphug: Definitely feel free to vent. :grouphug: :iagree: I have sisters that drain me too. Fortunately, we live in different states. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltop Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue in WI Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Glad your Mom understands. :grouphug: Vent away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura in MI Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Your sister is a jerk. I'm sorry! Vent here anytime!! :grouphug: :iagree: :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 :grouphug: Vent away! I have an extended family member who sounds a lot like your sister. It's hard when you have to draw the line, but ultimately, for your own sanity and for the sake of your children, sometimes you have no choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 she sounds like the pits. I have 2 narcissists I am dealing with. I have found peace in realizing that as much as I'd like to tell them how it is/ tell them off/ tell them how I really feel...they will likely never be in a place to see the truth in it, because it is all about them...so I have just distanced myself and refused to give them much space in my head. It helps. I am trying to help my sister come to the same place, she runs around with much guilt and much kissing up activity. I gave up 10 years ago and have peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Oh, she completely understands all this. She is 70 and in perfect mental health. I believe I am already listed as medical power of attorney. My sister has been a PIA for such a long time, that there is no way my mom would want her dealing with any serious issues. My mom loves her, of course, and has tried hard to have a relationship with her, but everything is always about what my mom isn't doing for her, how she didn't give her enough when she was a child, how my mom loves me more, blah blah blah. It's so old I can't even stand it. She even had her long time therapist tell her that she had to stop blaming everything on her mom, so she switched therapists. Oh, and my sister has only been here once to see my mom since she moved in, and that was Christmas Day, when she asked if she could come over (first I'd heard from her in 3 months) and then showed up with a raging fever and left 2 hours later because she was so sick she could barely stand up. Even in your original post I was questioning jealousy. Now I'm certain it's an issue with your sister. Stay strong!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 My experience is that mom goes back to her original relationship with sister. :grouphug: I'm sorry this is so difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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