*~Tina~* Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 So I have a loved one who I will refer to as a saboteur :D last night I had a hankering for some chocolate and asked him to pick me up a Snickers with Almonds....I was specific. He comes home with my requested candy bar...a bag of Chex Muddies, a bag of Hershey Nuggets with Almonds, and a big box of Russell Stovers Pecan Delights...claiming he saw the candy bar last and wasn't sure which I'd want :glare: These are MY favorite things and I am incredibly bad about snacking when junk is in the house. Now of course my lack of willpower isn't his fault but do you see the issue here? It's like bringing home liquor to a recovering alcoholic and saying "don't drink it". :001_huh: When I point out his saboteur behavior...he responds with "you don't have to eat it!" which is technically true and in turn brings up feelings of inadequacy and weakness if that makes sense :glare: I feel there is this underlying intent to undermine my weight loss and it bugs me. This has been a reoccurring thing and I need help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Mmm.. I don't know. I would think that he's really just trying to get you what you like. If you have a talk with him and tell him that you don't want to eat sweets for a period of time, and he's still bringing you home goodies, then maybe he's a saboteur. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry gardens Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Hmm. While I understand the dilema, if this is your husband, I'd be hard pressed to criticize a husband who brings home his wife's chocolate snacks. Maybe he can stash them away in the trunk of his car, along with other emergency supplies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love2read Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 :grouphug: No suggestions, but I understand. I posted a week ago about losing 10 pounds just from cutting out candy and desserts. Everyone knew I had sworn them off and that I was feeling and looking better. Dh gave me a 3 pound box of candy for Christmas. I gained the 10 pounds back already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I think it's a man thing and I think they do it because they love you;) My DH does this all the time - I am not a big sweet eater so I will ask him for a small chocolate bar and he will come home with 3 different family blocks, 4 bars and a box of chocolate ice-cream. When I ask why he does it he always says -I just wanted to get you a nice treat - I knew you wanted chocolate so I got you some:D Of course I never touch it and the kids and Dh end up eating it all - but it's the thought that counts. He does the same whenever I ask him for any one small thing - a single ice-cream turns into a box - a piece of cheesecake turns into 3 whole cakes of different varieties - to a man bigger is always better when he is trying to do something nice for his lady:D He isn't trying to sabatage you - he is trying to love you;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I was listening to a story on NPR about keeping resolutions-- one suggestion was to make a list of possible roadblocks that might come up & think about how to address them beforehand. Also, I would keep a little healthier choc in the house so you don't have to ask DH to go on a candy run! I mean, make some choc-dipped apricots or nuts yourself. I wouldn't waste time blaming DH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leav97 Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I understand. I've been there. It's hard. I have yet to find a solution. My DH will suggest going for ice cream. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberia Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I think your hubby is a sweetie. But, I know it's hard, and it's frustrating when others don't understand what you're trying to do. However, I had to decide recently to put the FULL ownership of what I eat squarely on my shoulders. If I make other people responsible for my choices, I really have no control over myself. I'm the only true saboteur of my healthy habits. There will always be temptations. For me, learning how to handle them is the greatest challenge/reward. Unless someone has made a lifestyle decision like this, they really don't understand it, and I don't really expect them to. Keep up the good work, and don't let one little slip up derail you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 does the sabotuer have insecurity issues that if you get skinny you will not love him anymore? Or go look for someone more "desireable"? Or think he's fat and homly? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 This is my problem too! I know dh does it because he loves me and he likes to see me enjoy myself, but it is unhealthy. FWIW, my hubby is a Schwans man, so there is never a shortage of treats to be found! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I wouldn't keep and/or eat unhealthy foods just because I paid money for them. If you don't want them in the house and no one is likely to eat them except for you, throw them away. Some people see that as wasting but really, does it make sense to eat unhealthy stuff so you can get your money's worth? Maybe if you throw the stuff out regularly, he'll get the idea that you really don't want the stuff around and he'll stop wasting money to buy them. Tell him you appreciate his thoughtfulness but you would rather have hugs and kisses than sweets. And next time you get a craving for sweets, you should purchase it yourself because you know you won't go overboard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I think the problem started with asking him to get you the candy bar. I realize that a treat here and there is ok but I think you are going to have to get your own treats. I have better will power in the store if I go with just enough money for the treat and nothing else! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Honestly, if this a recurring problem, I'd take everything other than the candy bar you asked for and throw it in the trash. Maybe that will send the message? My DH loves to say, "So, when are the cookies going to be ready?" I've been on Weight Watchers for over a year. That man loves snacks, but I've told him he can have them at work, away from me. Not that I never buy him anything (or make the cookies he loves), but this is a constant thing. It can be wearing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jplain Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Well...you did ask for candy, so I think accusing him of sabotage is a little harsh. ;) It might be safer to procure your own cheat foods from now on. In our house, when that kind of thing happens it is often a communication issue. When you said, "Honey, could you get me a Snickers bar?" maybe he 'heard' this: "Honey, could you get me a Snickers bar? I've decided to put off trying to lose weight for a while longer." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) It doesn't sound to me like he's sabotaging you. I am also on a weight loss journey, so I feel your pain. Ive lost 77 pounds so far and am reall close to my goal (yay!!). What I would suggest is to send the snacks to work with him. Not being passive aggressive - but get them out of the house. You can't succeed as easily in a toxic environment. For the treats - I would buy the treat you want - divide it in half - and then freeze it. Or, buy one small package of the snack size and freeze those. When you want one, you can defrost it. In the time it takes to defrost, you may decide you don't need it after all. Or, you eat it, but it's only half of the original treat, or a small version of what you want. I've found that it's the first few bites that taste great - so limit it to those bites. You can also start looking for treats that satisfy you for few calories/fat. If you like the chocolate - you can get sone with fewer calories and more health "benefits". Since starting my journey I've found SO MANY great low cal options that I now prefer over the old ones. You can do it. You make the choices. You pick what you eat!! :) Edited January 4, 2012 by Kayaking Mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyndie Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 It's like bringing home liquor to a recovering alcoholic and saying "don't drink it". :001_huh: When I point out his saboteur behavior...he responds with "you don't have to eat it!" which is technically true and in turn brings up feelings of inadequacy and weakness if that makes sense :glare: ! You must live with my hubby. :lol: This is EXACTLY what he says. I don't even ask him to buy me chocolate, I just tell him I don't want to see it. lol We have a locking snack cabinet. We originally got it b/c the children have severe allergies but my husband wants his snacks so we compromised by getting him a locking cabinet for his food that the kids are allergic to. Now I asked him to put HIS chocolate in the cabinet and lock it. He forgets to lock it or leaves his chocolate on the counter for me to put away or repeatedly asks me if I will help him eat it. Yeah, nice. I finally told him exactly how I felt - that he was trying to sabotage me (I'm not trying to lose weight, just get rid of a chocolate addiction) and that his lack of willingness to put my temptation in the stupid cabinet that is RIGHT THERE with a lock on it, was unloving. He still didn't get it. So I told him to look at his x-box but don't play it. He's a gamer. :D THAT made him see my point. Last night when I was pining away for chocolate, he would not unlock the cabinet. Finally...he did the loving thing and helped me. I've been trying to get cooperation in this area for 2 years. I get that my chocolate addiction is not my husbands responsibility but he would never bring an alcoholic drink around a recovering alcoholic. Why shouldn't I expect the same type of respect from him? If your husband continues to sabotage, I'd get a locking cabinet that only he knows the code to...it does work even though you may want to break the lock sometimes. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 DH has a tendency to do this. He claims he forgets that I don't eat carb filled sweets. Most of the time I'm not tempted, but then again, sometimes I am, and having treats in the house doesn't work in my favour. :001_huh: I got two small boxes of hand made chocolates for Christmas. :glare::lol: Well, those I ate. :001_huh: But if he comes home with more junkier sweets, I toss them out immediately. At first I was worried about being wasteful. However, eating them is wasteful too, and really bad for me. Sure, I don't have to eat them, but my life as a homeschooling mom is quite stressful, and I don't want to deal with an extra issue, kwim. If you don't want to toss them our for real, dump them in a garbage bag, and stuff them where it is hard for you to reach. If we had a garage, I'd be putting them there. Or in a shed. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 FWIW, my hubby is a Schwans man, so there is never a shortage of treats to be found! Mmmm....Gold N Nugget bars...:drool5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertDweller Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 My weakness is kettle cooked chips. Sometimes I will ask dh to buy them, but he has a habit of buying them whether I ask or not. When that happens, I make him keep them in his van. Out of sight, out of mind. That isn't possible with many foods, but perhaps you can convince dh to hide what you don't want. The other option is to give away or throw away. I hate to be wasteful, but I learned early on when dieting that throwing food away really isn't so terrible. If I get mad enough at myself about wanting to lose weight, I just don't care. It's going in the trash instead of my mouth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtrmlnlabs Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Mmmm....Gold N Nugget bars...:drool5: Hey, where was that little drooly smile guy for the Johnny Depp calendar post!!! :glare: But yes, my DH is like this. My solution: I am the only grocery shopper. I make sure I do not ask him to pick anything up for me, EVER!! Occasionally he'd bring something home, all on his own, to be nice. I'd complain about how many "points" that it is and he'd tell me "who cares, you look great and don't need to lose anything." How do I complain about that;) My guess is that's what OP and other PP's hubby's feel too. I find it frustrating and sweet. It does make it hard to stick to watching what I eat though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I'm not sensing that there's a history of manipulative behavior or controlling issues with him, so I think he's trying to show his love for you by getting you what you like. I really doubt he's trying to sabotage your diet; I think he's trying to please you and in the past, chocolates have done the trick. Maybe just thank him for being so thoughtful and at a later time, talk to him about your weight loss goals and ask for his support. Honestly, if this a recurring problem, I'd take everything other than the candy bar you asked for and throw it in the trash. Maybe that will send the message? I think that's just mean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 However, I had to decide recently to put the FULL ownership of what I eat squarely on my shoulders. If I make other people responsible for my choices, I really have no control over myself. I'm the only true saboteur of my healthy habits. There will always be temptations. For me, learning how to handle them is the greatest challenge/reward. Unless someone has made a lifestyle decision like this, they really don't understand it, and I don't really expect them to. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*~Tina~* Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 it's very interesting reading the different perspectives...I do think there is some truth to just about all it...and I fully admit that I'm totally weak when it comes to just about any combination of chocolate and nuts:tongue_smilie: It is ultimately my choice to eat it or not...but c'mon I'm here hsing and hanging out with kids all day...chocolate is stress relief, comfort food...AND it tastes SO good :lol: It just seems almost mean to bring it into the house by the bag full knowing I'm working SO hard to try and keep off what I've lost and continue to lose. I asked for one candy bar...that wasn't the green light to go wild. If he was trying to kick the soda habit and ask me to bring home a Pepsi for him, I wouldn't pick up his four favorite sodas and throw in a couple extra just for good measure ;) I'd bring home ONE Pepsi (and probably a lecture to go with it). I think it's a combination of saboteur behavior, a bit of insecurity, and yes love too :) but dang it...I'm SO weak...guess that's the real issue here...this is a huge weakness for me and I want support not enabling :D Now...who wants chocolate?? :lol: ETA: He knows I LOVE books...but even so...he ain't never bought me a single one on his own accord!! Just sayin' lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyndie Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 ETA: He knows I LOVE books...but even so...he ain't never bought me a single one on his own accord!! Just sayin' lol! ROFL Maybe next time you're craving chocolate, ask him to bring you a book. Replacement therapy!! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krista in LA Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 He sounds like my dh - probably thought he was being nice by getting you a treat. Obviously you need to make it clear to him that you can't have those things in the house or you will eat them. I think I would tell him to take them to work to share with his co-workers. Otherwise, you need to throw them out...in the big garbage can with lots of other nasty things so you won't go digging them out later...ok, maybe I'm the only one who would feel tempted to do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 OK - Chex Muddies go to the kids for a special snack. The Hershey's and the Russell Stover's chocolates can go in the freezer where they won't be so convenient to snack on. You are allowed one (1) per week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cedarmom Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 [quote name=*~Tina~*;3469703 I asked for one candy bar...that wasn't the green light to go wild. If he was trying to kick the soda habit and ask me to bring home a Pepsi for him' date=' I wouldn't pick up his four favorite sodas and throw in a couple extra just for good measure ;) I'd bring home ONE Pepsi (and probably a lecture to go with it). I think it's a combination of saboteur behavior, a bit of insecurity, and yes love too :) but dang it...I'm SO weak...guess that's the real issue here...this is a huge weakness for me and I want support not enabling :D Now...who wants chocolate?? :lol: ETA: He knows I LOVE books...but even so...he ain't never bought me a single one on his own accord!! Just sayin' lol![/quote] I'm thinking he figured if you didn't eat it he could. or not feel guilty when he does eat it. So, in dealing with it, I wouldn't ask him to get whatever, cause you know what is going to happen . He's just not on board with you. Which is frustrating, my hubby can be that way too. Now he's finally kind of getting it. But still if I say I'd like a little candy, i could see him doing the same thing. But every time you throw away the candy, your husband and friends will get it more. You are not the same person. Before you may have used sugar as comfort food, but now you are differant. When he sees that differance , hopefully he'll begin to get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farouk Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 it's very interesting reading the different perspectives...I do think there is some truth to just about all it...and I fully admit that I'm totally weak when it comes to just about any combination of chocolate and nuts:tongue_smilie: It is ultimately my choice to eat it or not...but c'mon I'm here hsing and hanging out with kids all day...chocolate is stress relief, comfort food...AND it tastes SO good :lol: It just seems almost mean to bring it into the house by the bag full knowing I'm working SO hard to try and keep off what I've lost and continue to lose. I asked for one candy bar...that wasn't the green light to go wild. If he was trying to kick the soda habit and ask me to bring home a Pepsi for him, I wouldn't pick up his four favorite sodas and throw in a couple extra just for good measure ;) I'd bring home ONE Pepsi (and probably a lecture to go with it). I think it's a combination of saboteur behavior, a bit of insecurity, and yes love too :) but dang it...I'm SO weak...guess that's the real issue here...this is a huge weakness for me and I want support not enabling :D Now...who wants chocolate?? :lol: ETA: He knows I LOVE books...but even so...he ain't never bought me a single one on his own accord!! Just sayin' lol! Tina: You're right about the self-control thing. Of course, re. Pepsi, it's good that there is the 'normal' versus the 'diet' varities. I'm sure it must make a difference for some people, anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry gardens Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 ... Tell him you appreciate his thoughtfulness but you would rather have hugs and kisses than sweets. And next time you get a craving for sweets, you should purchase it yourself because you know you won't go overboard. Hugs and Kisses? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farouk Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 Yes, Kisses has a double meaning, of course. (I was once with an English guy who was offered a choc but didn't seem to have figured it out, what a Kiss choc was...) :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*~Tina~* Posted January 6, 2012 Author Share Posted January 6, 2012 Hugs and Kisses? :lol: ROFL Maybe next time you're craving chocolate, ask him to bring you a book. Replacement therapy!! I'm gonna try this...I bet he'd balk! ;) He sounds like my dh - probably thought he was being nice by getting you a treat. Obviously you need to make it clear to him that you can't have those things in the house or you will eat them. I think I would tell him to take them to work to share with his co-workers. Otherwise, you need to throw them out...in the big garbage can with lots of other nasty things so you won't go digging them out later...ok, maybe I'm the only one who would feel tempted to do that. I have been known to sniff out chocolate...even when hidden... I wouldn't rule out a Constanza :lol: OK. - Chex Muddies go to the kids for a special snack. The Hershey's and the Russell Stover's chocolates can go in the freezer where they won't be so convenient to snack on. You are allowed one (1) per week. RS was gone by the time i read this...if I could eat just one I would've never had so much weight to lose :tongue_smilie: Besides I would probably microwave it :lol: Thanks you all! Ps. Today was my birthday...you know what that means...cake!!!:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farouk Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 :lol: I'm gonna try this...I bet he'd balk! ;) I have been known to sniff out chocolate...even when hidden... I wouldn't rule out a Constanza :lol: RS was gone by the time i read this...if I could eat just one I would've never had so much weight to lose :tongue_smilie: Besides I would probably microwave it :lol: Thanks you all! Ps. Today was my birthday...you know what that means...cake!!!:glare: Hi there, Tina. Well, then, happy birthday... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*~Tina~* Posted January 12, 2012 Author Share Posted January 12, 2012 Hi there, Tina. Well, then, happy birthday... Thank you! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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