HappyLady Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 Have any of you experienced this where one child gets more gifts than a sibling from one person? My BIL and SIL have always given more to my DD than my DS and it's starting to bother me. It started last year when my DS had his first Halloween. Granted, he was only a month and a half at the time, but my BIL and SIL came over to give my DD a pumpkin and didn't get one for my DS. I thought it was odd they didn't buy my DS one seeing as it was his first Halloween, but I let it go. Then at Christmas, his first, my DD got WAY more than my DS. I figured since he was just a few months old it was no big deal. My BIL is in charge of buying the Christmas gifts (since my SIL buys for the kids in her family) so I could chalk this up to him just being a guy and not thinking, but my SIL buys my DD a Christmas ornament every year and neither last year nor this year did she buy my DS one. She doesn't have a special relationship with my DD (like being a Godmother) so why my DD gets an ornament every year and my DS doesn't get one is beyond me. My DH doesn't think I should be upset by this, but I think if it continues not only will my DS realize someday his sister gets more than him, but he's REALLY going to be hurt when he sees his aunt buying his sister a special ornament and he gets nothing. I want to say something, but my DH says I shouldn't. What would you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 If it happens again next year I might say something in a half-joking way.."next year he'll be be old enough to enjoy an ornament of his own" or something like that. But I wouldn't sweat it this year. He's still a baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaceman Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 I'd give it another year or two. It may just be because your little one is so little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 Well, my youngest is 10 months and he only got 2 gifts from us. My other kids got a lot more then that and we love them all the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susann Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 I honestly wouldn't of thought to get a pumpkin for a one month old or presents for a three month old. I'd let it go two-three more years before saying anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acurtis75 Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 How old is your son? I rarely buy gifts for children under two unless it's a specific event related to them (I.e. baby shower or birthday). Even then I normally buy practical things like diapers. I bought gifts for a friends' 6 and 4 year old but not the 2 month old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 If it happens again next year I might say something in a half-joking way.."next year he'll be be old enough to enjoy an ornament of his own" or something like that. But I wouldn't sweat it this year. He's still a baby. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 Have any of you experienced this where one child gets more gifts than a sibling from one person? My BIL and SIL have always given more to my DD than my DS and it's starting to bother me. It started last year when my DS had his first Halloween. Granted, he was only a month and a half at the time, but my BIL and SIL came over to give my DD a pumpkin and didn't get one for my DS. I thought it was odd they didn't buy my DS one seeing as it was his first Halloween, but I let it go. Then at Christmas, his first, my DD got WAY more than my DS. I figured since he was just a few months old it was no big deal. My BIL is in charge of buying the Christmas gifts (since my SIL buys for the kids in her family) so I could chalk this up to him just being a guy and not thinking, but my SIL buys my DD a Christmas ornament every year and neither last year nor this year did she buy my DS one. She doesn't have a special relationship with my DD (like being a Godmother) so why my DD gets an ornament every year and my DS doesn't get one is beyond me. My DH doesn't think I should be upset by this, but I think if it continues not only will my DS realize someday his sister gets more than him, but he's REALLY going to be hurt when he sees his aunt buying his sister a special ornament and he gets nothing. I want to say something, but my DH says I shouldn't. What would you do? Frankly I would have found it odd if someone bought a pumpkin for a six week old infant. Doing the rough mental math, your son would have been about 3 1/2 - 4 months old at Christmas last year and about 16 months old this Christmas. Again, it seems odd to me to buy an ornament for a young infant or toddler. Could it be that your bil is just being practical and thinking what is point of getting such a young baby or young tot a gift unless they are in need of baby items? Why not wait until they're a little older and will consciously enjoy receiving gift? I'm guessing that next Christmas the gifts will be roughly even since your son will then be 2 years old. If not, you could either mention it then or even up the situation yourselves. I would not say anything now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvnlattes Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 I'd give it another year or two. It may just be because your little one is so little. :iagree: I don't feel this way personally but I have a friend who used to buy several things for her older children while the youngest only got a couple until he was about 3. The reason she gave was that she didn't want to buy him a lot of things he wouldn't remember anyway. Hopefully it will all change in a year or two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 Honestly at that age, I told my family to NOT buy the little one anything. Assuming you have kept anything from the older one, than the younger one has sufficient things to play with. It doesn't really matter if it's girl/boy stuff. At that age, they don't really understand presents, they really don't care if something is used or a new, girl/boy. So it wouldn't bother me at all at this age. There is really only so much a baby/1 year old can do as far as toys goes and why spend money just to say he got stuff. At 2 and 3, they like to open presents but still don't understand "equality". So until your son is 4 or 5, not only would I not be bothered by a younger receiving less, I would be actively encouraging it. By 4 or 5, they like to open, and have their own stuff. Before that, totally unneccessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 I would not give presents to such a little kid - he won't understand and connect them with me (in fact, my SIL specifically asked that we do not give presents to her 2 y/o because she's too little for it to really make sense). Giving a one year old a Christmas tree ornament is not something I would consider sensible - he can't appreciate it. Wait at least another year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 Yeah, I'd not worry about it for a couple more years. Our littlest guy didn't get a lot this year, mainly because we have plenty of infant boy clothes and toys already. And when we got pumpkins, for instance, each of the older three kids picked one out, but we didn't get a fourth one for the baby. NBD yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted December 27, 2011 Author Share Posted December 27, 2011 I should have said my DD is almost 4 and my DS is 1.5. My DD has ALWAYS gotten A LOT from them, which is why it concerns me. I completely understand buying less for my DS since he's so young, but just because my DD has always gotten so much it makes me nervous that this will continue. And my DD has gotten an ornament every year since her first Christmas. My SIL told her (even though she was too young to understand) that she wanted to get her an ornament every year so that when she went out on her own she'd have enough ornaments to decorate her own tree. So why not do the same with my DS? You know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 I should have said my DD is almost 4 and my DS is 1.5. My DD has ALWAYS gotten A LOT from them, which is why it concerns me. I completely understand buying less for my DS since he's so young, but just because my DD has always gotten so much it makes me nervous that this will continue. And my DD has gotten an ornament every year since her first Christmas. My SIL told her (even though she was too young to understand) that she wanted to get her an ornament every year so that when she went out on her own she'd have enough ornaments to decorate her own tree. So why not do the same with my DS? You know? It makes sense why you are nervous, and I WOULD say something if it continues next year. Something casual, not accusatory, just feeling it out. If it continues after that, I would take a hard line and not accept gifts for DD unless DS also receives. But for now, I wouldn't worry about it. It could be that SIL sees decorating the house as a Mommy/girl thing, so DS's future wife would have it covered. She may do something different for him. Or maybe not...but you still have a couple of years to feel it out and then deal with it before he is old enough to be hurt by the discrepancy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 My SIL told her (even though she was too young to understand) that she wanted to get her an ornament every year so that when she went out on her own she'd have enough ornaments to decorate her own tree. So why not do the same with my DS? You know? Maybe she thinks it's not something a boy would appreciate? I could see a future wife wanting to decorate the tree with HER ornaments, but I don't know any guys who are particular about Christmas tree ornaments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 I agree with waiting it out.. some people have a set age they start buying gifts for, and before that not so much. Another thing to keep in mind.. sometimes people go by monetary vaule. For instance, my mil bought my youngest 3 gifts and my eldest two. Her theory was the money spent not the amount. My parents did the same thing, but again it was really even in regards to cost. All though I'm not sure my parents even considered their 2 for one and 3 for the other to be honest. ;) Basically, I just wouldn't stress over it. He's little still and they might not think of getting him stuff because he's little. All though an ornament is weird not to get one no matter the age, unless they felt you might prefer to get "baby's first ornament." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted December 27, 2011 Author Share Posted December 27, 2011 Thanks, everyone! I feel better about this now after reading your responses. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 Just agreeing with everyone else. I would wait and see. They probably just figure he is too young. I wouldn't buy for a child that young. However, in a couple years I would. I get wanting things to be fair. It stinks to be the kids who gets left out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 This happens with my parents and my kids are not babies. My parents are variable on how well they have a HIT on any gift, let alone for each child. Things are not always equitable. I pre-warn my kids not to put too much concern into what gifts they get from my parents. My parents don't have much money and I've even said, "sometimes, they just get a little silly with their gift ideas." I tell them to say thank you and move on. And that's just what they do now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 Honestly at that age, I told my family to NOT buy the little one anything. Assuming you have kept anything from the older one, than the younger one has sufficient things to play with. It doesn't really matter if it's girl/boy stuff. At that age, they don't really understand presents, they really don't care if something is used or a new, girl/boy. So it wouldn't bother me at all at this age. There is really only so much a baby/1 year old can do as far as toys goes and why spend money just to say he got stuff. At 2 and 3, they like to open presents but still don't understand "equality". So until your son is 4 or 5, not only would I not be bothered by a younger receiving less, I would be actively encouraging it. By 4 or 5, they like to open, and have their own stuff. Before that, totally unneccessary. :iagree: We told family to :chillpill: on presents for the 2 y.o. -- she likes opening the gifts, sure, but she's just as happy with an empty box. She already has *everything* she could need or want b/c she has the toys/books/clothes from the older siblings. Plus, she's happiest to play with whatever *they* are playing with at the moment... Grandpa *did* get her a bongo drum filled with musical toys. All the kids seem to like it. Other than that, we wrapped boxes of cookies and crackers for her and she was over the moon. (She loves food!) Other hits were socks, some slippers, and rain boots/umbrella. (She loves to put on/take off socks/shoes.) But I have to admit that we're totally NOT wanting stuff for her now. She's not old enough to notice, she doesn't need anything, and we just don't need the *stuff.* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimm in WA Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 (edited) removed post Edited December 29, 2011 by Kimm in WA remove post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 I think the ornament thing is a little strange - even if he is a baby it is still a nice keepsake. The rest I wouldn't worry about yet. We didn't start buying things like pumpkins and such for my youngest till this year when he turned 2 and became interested. We wanted to save money while we could :tongue_smilie: My little guy got less gifts then the olders this year but he didn't notice because there was one gift I got him that I knew once he saw it he would ignore everything else - and I was right -he only cares about that one thing. Around 2 is when our kids start demanding to have the same things as their big brother's and sisters and thats when we start getting things for them. We've only recently started buying the two year old his own meals when we go out -before that he used to just share. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted December 29, 2011 Share Posted December 29, 2011 Perhaps the SIL mentioned getting an ornament, and the BIL talked her out of it as being less important/necessary for a boy child (than a girl child). I have shorted my husband's nephews on some things, at his .. insistence is too strong a word, but basically his assurance that his family culture has different ideas than mine does LOL. It's worked in reverse, too, with him requesting his family not buy things for our son that he thinks aren't ... appropriate isn't the right word, but maybe "relevant" or "proper" (though that's too strong a word, too). And it's an obvious discrepency between my kids because they're of different genders. It is what it is, though, and while I may not agree I respect his family culture (though I do verify it with his sister or mom sometimes first, and occasionally go against his preferences with the blessings of his family) I've never been one to promote that life -or anything, really- is fair. Unfairness happens, even within the family. Sometimes in your favor, sometimes not. Nobody in my family has yet to be scarred by this, but I have many American friends who grew up with everything fair that are continually hyperfocused on 'fairness' as a right in all courses of their lives. They can be miserable company, at times. The OP says it is bothering 'her' - which is understandable. But work hard to not let your own emotions project and form that of your children's. I know from experience this is easier said than done, but the effort is worthwhile and important. (((hugs))) hopefully there's a good, if unexplained reason, and it's not anything more. Who couldn't love a little kid?! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted December 29, 2011 Share Posted December 29, 2011 I honestly wouldn't of thought to get a pumpkin for a one month old or presents for a three month old. I'd let it go two-three more years before saying anything. :iagree::iagree::iagree: A pumpkin for a 3 month old? First off, it's a GOURD. It's not like it was a savings bond. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted December 29, 2011 Share Posted December 29, 2011 One year one of mine got a needed laptop, this year, one got an expensive instrument. Little kids don't know/understand, and big kids get it. Some of the best gifts are all about Crayola Watercolors and big packs of Playdough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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