Secular/non-religious folks -- have you ever had someone say ...

[Audrey]

... that they left religion or converted or are now studying your philosophy/way of life because of your influence? If you have, how did that make you feel?

 

My question comes because this is something that happened to me recently. It is never my intention to sway anyone either way. I have, in the past, taken on novice Witches, but they were already Witches when they came to study with me. I had nothing to do with their choice of path.

 

This situation... is different. I am not sure how to feel about it at all.

[SailorMom]

Only my DH.

I really didn't figure out my belief system until we had been married about 15 years. I'd been "going along" with Christianity....

At first, he really wasn't on-board with deism. He was fine with me believing it, but was still a Methodist. After about a year of talking about it, he started reading some of the books I ahd read, etc.

He is now absolutely a deist and can't imagine being otherwise.

[Carrie12345]

Not exactly. But I will say that dh was NOT an atheist when I met him. And I do joke about being his fall from grace!

 

My interest in Pagan/Wiccan ideas (which dh also had an interest in, but before I knew him) was never influenced by any irl person. In fact, I've only met one witch in my life, so far as I'm aware.

 

But I do think I'd feel weird. I don't want to be the reason for anyone's belief or lack there of.

[SailorMom]

... that they left religion or converted or are now studying your philosophy/way of life because of your influence? If you have, how did that make you feel?

 

My question comes because this is something that happened to me recently. It is never my intention to sway anyone either way. I have, in the past, taken on novice Witches, but they were already Witches when they came to study with me. I had nothing to do with their choice of path.

 

This situation... is different. I am not sure how to feel about it at all.

 

Ok - so as to the feelings....

You are in no way responsible for someone else's decisions of faith. Educating someone as to your own faith is fine, and normal. Their decision whether to follow through is their own, and no one else's.

[Audrey]

Not exactly. But I will say that dh was NOT an atheist when I met him. And I do joke about being his fall from grace!

 

My interest in Pagan/Wiccan ideas (which dh also had an interest in, but before I knew him) was never influenced by any irl person. In fact, I've only met one witch in my life, so far as I'm aware.

 

But I do think I'd feel weird. I don't want to be the reason for anyone's belief or lack there of.

 

 

I think that is what is bothering me most.

[Ipsey]

I think it's a little different than what you're asking for, and this is from the point of view of a "leaver", but I left 20 years of Evangelical Christianity (when I was 33 years old), partly because I saw the lives of my non-Christian family.

 

When I was losing faith in the Bible and God/Jesus, I was partially afraid because I wondered how to teach my children to be good, moral people without such things. Then, I thought of my younger brother, who is one of the most decent, honest, kind people I know. He's always been a non-believer, and I've always admired him. Then, I thought of many of my other friends who weren't believers and were good, moral people.

 

So, it was easier for me to just dump my last reasons to even give any sort of acknowledgment to religion as a guiding force when I saw that their lives were just as moral, or more so, than many religious people I knew.

 

I've never told my brother that. He would probably shrug it off. I spent lots of time trying to convert him. I've heard that a Christian should be able to convert people without a word, simply by the holiness of their lives. That's the way my brother converted me (or, deconverted me :))

[Rosie_0801]

Of course it has never happened to me, but I guess how I'd feel would depend on how the person was treating me as an information source. Being treated like a book is fine, being treated like a demi-god-guru would not be cool.

 

Rosie

[JennifersLost]

I wouldn't take the first time they said such a thing too seriously - people say all kinds of things, you know?

 

If they kept saying it, I'd put a little distance between you - draw a boundary, so to speak. Sounds like a person who needs to follow something or someone, and that's not the point at all.

[Audrey]

Of course it has never happened to me, but I guess how I'd feel would depend on how the person was treating me as an information source. Being treated like a book is fine, being treated like a demi-god-guru would not be cool.

 

Rosie

 

I wouldn't take the first time they said such a thing too seriously - people say all kinds of things, you know?

 

If they kept saying it, I'd put a little distance between you - draw a boundary, so to speak. Sounds like a person who needs to follow something or someone, and that's not the point at all.

 

 

To me, it kind of feels like the bolded, but I could be over-reacting. It is, overall, a very confusing experience for me.

[Audrey]

Ok - so as to the feelings....

You are in no way responsible for someone else's decisions of faith. Educating someone as to your own faith is fine, and normal. Their decision whether to follow through is their own, and no one else's.

 

 

Logically, I know I am not responsible, and that I have no obligation as such. But, the person says I am, so in their mind, I am. That's uncomfortable for me.

[Jennifer3141]

I have had women come up to me at Dianic events and say things like, "You REALLY can live without god???" and be utterly shocked. But I think the only one I've ever really tempted to the "dark side" was my best friend. And let's face it... if she is my best friend, she was already halfway there. :D

 

But for someone I don't know well, I can be pretty non-committal. I believe this path (or lack thereof, if you so choose) is deeply personal and there are drawbacks to simply walking away from the system as a whole.

[simka2]

To me, it kind of feels like the bolded, but I could be over-reacting. It is, overall, a very confusing experience for me.

 

Sorta breaking the non-religious address, but I think it is wise to follow your gut. A good "test" (for lack of a better word) is to connect this person with someone else....and. then. step. waaaaaaaay. back.

 

I struggle with this a bit in turning towards EO. Having recently left a position as Young Adult pastor I didn't want any of them turning this way simply because I chose to. There's a better way to put this, but I am doing it poorly.

 

Sometimes you just know when someone is making a decision based on their relationship with you and not on their own "fought for" beliefs.

 

:grouphug:

[Spy Car]

... that they left religion or converted or are now studying your philosophy/way of life because of your influence? If you have, how did that make you feel?

 

My question comes because this is something that happened to me recently. It is never my intention to sway anyone either way. I have, in the past, taken on novice Witches, but they were already Witches when they came to study with me. I had nothing to do with their choice of path.

 

This situation... is different. I am not sure how to feel about it at all.

 

Yes I have. Recently.

 

A married couple I really love and who are close friends were observant Modern Orthodox Jews when we met, which was cool with me.

 

I never (ever) attempted to sway them to another way of thinking, as that is not my place. If anything I enjoyed such things as sharing Shabbos with them and have been supportive of their faith.

 

But they tell me that meeting me (and becoming good friends) made them realized that people did not need to be "religious" or observant to care about ethics and morality and trying to live a good and decent life. This was a surprise to them evidently. They had really seen their choices as being observant and being "bad."

 

I was rather taken aback when they announced their "conversion" to a more "Secular Humanist" way of living and thanked me for being instrumental in that change. I was more than a little shocked, and tried to encourage them to find a path with-in their tradition—and to stay away from KFC, which they begun visiting in a wild rebellion against kosher dietary laws (outside the home).

 

I have very mixed feeling about the whole thing, and never had any intent to subvert their faith. They seem quite happy. In the end we have the freedom to choose, I suppose. But I can relate to your discomfort.

 

Bill

[Night Elf]

Ok - so as to the feelings....

You are in no way responsible for someone else's decisions of faith. Educating someone as to your own faith is fine, and normal. Their decision whether to follow through is their own, and no one else's.

 

:iagree: This person may have not known much about your spiritual path and found themselves intrigued. That's how I fell into homeschooling actually. That's how I learned about TaeKwonDo. That's how I chose a church I attended many years ago. I see something new, like it, and decide to try it. :)

 

FWIW, I did the same thing with a pagan spiritual path but the ladies I knew wouldn't discuss any of it with me. They were very closed and told me to go find my own path. All I had were library books and they weren't very helpful. I sure wish at least one of them would have talked to me. I wasn't asking extremely personal information. I was very hurt because I felt a connection to the concepts/ideas. But unhelpful information and dead ends stopped me in my tracks. At the very least, I hope you can point this person to some helpful information.

[Peela]

I havent had it done to me- or if it was I dismissed it pretty quickly- but I have done it to someone else- put them up on a pedestal while wanting to learn from them. I understand the urge. The best the gurufied person can do if they are in a situation where they don't just want to completely dismiss the person, is to keep reflecting the person back to themselves. Definitely don't take on any sense of obligation.

Some people do learn well that way- I did- although the cost can be pretty high. I don't have a problem with gurus- I have had several in my life- and I don't have a problem with sitting at someone's feet to learn as long as they are not getting a big ego kick out of it and they truly have my best interests at heart.

You are not responsible for turning this person onto anything or away from anything. You are a catalyst- they were ripe.

[catz]

We go to a UU church and we've definitely "brought in" families to our church. Not in a sweet talk, influence kind of way. But it would come up in conversation a few times, they'd start asking questions, and they realized our UU church is not like any other church they've ever attended. I look as it as a community of do-gooders that have a variety of backgrounds and beliefs (or lack there-of).

 

It would make me nervous if they had a tone that made it feel like they were obsessed with it and it was becoming cult-like for them. People are welcome to "try" our church and grow into it if they want. It took several years for UUism to feel like "home" to me, and I would expect something similar from someone exploring different ideas or beliefs. I think we were given brains and reason for a purpose. :D

Edited August 30, 2011 by kck

[LidiyaDawn]

You are not responsible for turning this person onto anything or away from anything. You are a catalyst- they were ripe.

 

I like that ^^^ :001_smile:

 

I don't think it's necessarily strange for someone to come to a new [path, awakening, spiritual development, idea, faith, etc etc etc] after learning about it from another person… it happens in many areas of life… we meet someone, read something, see something on television, hear something in a song… and it sets us to thinking, wondering, wanting to learn more.

[Rosie_0801]

Encourage her to work through the exercises in this? http://www.amazon.com/Paganism-Introduction-Earth-Centered-Religions/dp/0738702226 It'd be more comfortable for you for the book to be doing the tutoring, but it's still getting done.

 

Btw, that's a very pink profile page you have there. I needed :coolgleamA: to look at it.

 

:p

Rosie

[Jenny in Atl]

Nope... :D

[annandatje]

... that they left religion or converted or are now studying your philosophy/way of life because of your influence? If you have, how did that make you feel?

 

My question comes because this is something that happened to me recently. It is never my intention to sway anyone either way. I have, in the past, taken on novice Witches, but they were already Witches when they came to study with me. I had nothing to do with their choice of path.

 

This situation... is different. I am not sure how to feel about it at all.

 

Although no one has stated that my atheism has had an impact on their dropping beliefs in gods, I have had people tell me that my openess about being atheist has inspired them to come out of closet.

[kalanamak]

 

But they tell me that meeting me (and becoming good friends) made them realized that people did not need to be "religious" or observant to care about ethics and morality and trying to live a good and decent life. This was a surprise to them evidently. They had really seen their choices as being observant and being "bad."

 

 

 

This was hubby. He no longer has faith, although he hopes the religion he grew up with is "the truth". I just fell over laughing when he, after hearing about my family, said incredulously, "You've all made such good choices, and without the Bible."

[Audrey]

Encourage her to work through the exercises in this? http://www.amazon.com/Paganism-Introduction-Earth-Centered-Religions/dp/0738702226 It'd be more comfortable for you for the book to be doing the tutoring, but it's still getting done.

 

Btw, that's a very pink profile page you have there. I needed :coolgleamA: to look at it.

 

:p

Rosie

 

 

Sorry about that. I was channeling my inner Barbie when I changed it last. :D

 

 

I will recommend that book, too. Thanks for the suggestion. It would be the easiest way to encourage personal growth and yet distance myself from the uncomfortable goddess worshipping (which I only allow from my husband ;) ).

Edited August 31, 2011 by Audrey

[eternalknot]

... that they left religion or converted or are now studying your philosophy/way of life because of your influence? If you have, how did that make you feel?

 

Yes. Over the years a number of lapsed or questioning Christians have been drawn to my religion (I hesitate to call it 'religion' because it doesn't really feel like one in the Judeo-Christian sense - to me, anyhow). They've asked me many questions, have borrowed books, taken college courses in the subject, and have accompanied me to spiritual and social events put on by the temples. A handful of become heavily involved in the temple and faith, and have converted fully.

 

I didn't feel differently either way. I come from the belief that there isn' tone Truth for everyone, so I find it encouraging that others are examining ideas outside of their cradle faiths. I also feel that the relationship with the Christian church isn't so different from any other relationship - there will be growing pains and periods of doubt, but working through those (even if by way of investigating other faiths) can make the relationship stronger in the end.