How do you find time alone?

[Spryte]

Or do you? We all have different needs in this area.

 

I am one of those people who needs time alone to recharge. I need time to journal, to read, to just putter around the house and think. This is separate from time to work out, or sleep. It sounds selfish, but when I don't have this time alone to think, I suffer. And everyone suffers with me. I don't know if this is simply my personality, or because I got married later in life after living alone for the majority of my adult life.

 

DH needs time alone to work on his art, write music, work out. So he understands. But we are having trouble scheduling time for the kiddos, time for each other, time alone for each of us on top of everything else.

 

We are discussing our options now, and trying to figure out if we should actually schedule this time into our week instead of letting it happen spontaneously. The spontaneous approach hasn't worked!

 

So, if you are like me and need time alone, do you and DH schedule it? Does he take the kids out on Saturdays, or do you hole up in your bedroom at designated times? How do you get that much-needed alone time to recharge?

 

There has to be some sanity-saving secret out there, right?

[Parrothead]

Dd goes to visit friends while dh is at work. I spend some time alone in the evenings. Every once in a while dh will take dd to the movies.

[elfgivas]

well, doing laundry, dishes or feeding chickens pretty much ensures that i'll be alone ;). but that isn't "me" time.... except that i try really hard to turn it into that, and that sustains me thru a lot.

 

its great that you recognize the need for it! hope some good ideas turn up about how to make that work.

ann

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Mine go to bed early and on time nightly. That seems to be just enough peace for me. I can also food shop alone provided the kids are in decent moods.

 

Other things I'll be doing this year- Possible martial arts. The kids will be there (because it's not local enough for me to leave them) but since it will be at the same school, I hope that they'll calm down a bit. I have a few sewing classes lined up, local enough to leave them.

 

I usually spend the mornings with ds while dd is sleeping, and I have some time with dd in the evening while ds is sleeping.

[SquirrellyMama]

well, doing laundry, dishes or feeding chickens pretty much ensures that i'll be alone ;).

 

 

Amen! I hear you on this one. Well, except for the chickens :tongue_smilie:

[Spryte]

Aha! Chickens! That's what we need. :)

 

I'm thinking evenings are the way to go, just can't quite figure out how to work it. Right now, evenings are family time, and by the time the kiddos are bathed and in bed, I am blotto, wiped, and can't think straight. DH and I are lucky to get some time together once the kids are asleep. Maybe we can rearrange our schedules somehow.

 

(Am I totally weird for needing time alone?)

[ColoNative]

I get up at 4:45am to go swimming for my time alone....we go to bed early also so that is how I can get up so early. Plus, my 3 year old is up before 6am, so it's not a lot of time....but it works!

 

Melody

[dcjlkplus3]

We have a strict quiet time every afternoon. From 1:00-3:00, the kids are in their rooms (they can play, read, listen to something, draw, etc). There are also times when Daddy gets home and I run away to the library for a bit. In all honesty it is harder for my husband to find time alone, because when he is home the kids want to be with him, and since he misses them while he is at work, he has a hard time saying no to spending time with them.

[Guest momk2000]

Alone time? What's that?

I usually have to stay up late at night if I need some quiet time, which then makes for a tired, grumpy mom the next morning. :tongue_smilie:

I have tried to get my kids to have "quiet" time in the afternoon when school is done, but it is impossibe, I have given up on trying to do that.:confused:

[Karen in CO]

When I work in the garden, I get alone time. The key for me is to find something no one else wants to do. Also I have a wonderful phrase that my mom used a lot when I was growing up, "Go outside and Play."

 

I try to get up before the kids so I can sit on the porch and drink my first cup of coffee in peace before I have to be anyone's mom. And finally, when the ragweed isn't blooming, I run. It is only 45 minutes 3-4 times a week but it makes a huge difference in my mental health.

[m0mmaBuck]

I get up early (5:45 a.m.) and head to the gym for a few hours before the rest of the house is mobile. It ensures me a few hours to myself before I jump into the day.

 

 

We actually have more trouble finding time for me and DH as a couple sans kids than I have finding alone time.

[Ellie]

For me, alone time came in snippets for several years.

 

I went grocery shopping alone.

 

Dc were in bed no later than 7:30-8, and I was up until 11.

 

On Sundays, Mr. Ellie and I were in Sunday school together, dc in nursery or their Sunday school. On Wednesdays, Mr. Ellie and I were in choir, dc in nursery and later in their own Wednesday activities.

 

We had ocassional get-togethers with other adults outside of church.

 

When dc were old enough, Mr. Ellie stayed home with the dc while I went to clogging class. Later, it was Moms' Night Out. Not alone, exactly, but not having to watch dc.

 

And eventually, dc went off on their own and left me in the quiet.

 

We only had two dc, early in our marriage, so I've accumulated my alone time as an empty nester. :D

[hsbaby]

My dh is great about helping me have some "me" time. He will take the kids outside after work if I seem particularly stressed and I'll sit and read. He also encourages my girls night outs and for me to take time to go up to the store (usually the bookstore) by myself to get away. I also take a lot of baths:)

[roxanne23]

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Edited January 4, 2023 by roxanne23

[Renthead Mommy]

Well I've been known to sit out in the car after running errands talking on my phone. Normally I get plenty of alone time since the kid runs off to play with his bff everyday. But the last time I was a little desperate. Hence the hour in the car, in Feb. (in NY) in the cold with a 9yo holding signs up to the bay window because I was in the car ignoring his texts to me!

[DaffodilDreams]

I stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning. Definitely not ideal!

[Princess Peach]

I work out at the gym every day at 5am so I can be back before DH leaves for work. It makes a huge difference for me.

 

I also have the kids in bed by 8pm every night.

 

Occasionally I will tell them I need to relax for a half hour and to leave me alone. Most times that works now that they are getting older.

[9763653]

I have a babysitter all day one day a week, and use the time to recharge and go for a coffee with friends. I also have the evening to myself, when the kids go to sleep, but I usually work during that time. Still, there is some time left to read a nice book and enjoy a glass of wine! And to surf the web, of course :D.

[UnsinkableKristen]

- Earlyish wake up time 6am-6:30am. I don't actually try and DO anything here, just take my sweet time waking up and rolling out of bed. If I start the process before the kids regular wake up times, then I'm not rushed or startled out of sleep :)

 

- Strict nap time 1pm - 3pm for everyone. They don't have to sleep, but they have to stay in their rooms. I take a nap, clean up a little bit, or browse the internet.

 

- Strict bed time 7pm for Littlest, 8pm for the Bigs. This is either time for DH and I, or once a week or so I pop my headphones in and putter around the kitchen or bedroom while he watches his man shows :)

 

- Running, 3x/week. When I'm not pregnant, DH and I take turns running each day. I'm usually gone about an hour, including warm up and cool down. It's just enough to give my brain some time to zone out and come back feeling like myself again.

 

 

 

That's about it! When the kids were littler and I wasn't able to count on them staying in their rooms at naptime, or waking up later, or going to bed easy DH would watch them every Sunday afternoon while I had 2 or 3 hours away from home. I would go to a book store or get coffee, anything to just turn my brain off for awhile :)

[Spryte]

Thanks for all of the wonderful ideas!

 

It just hit me that we used to do Quiet Time, but since the littlest one arrived (3 mos old), I have been trying to do school during her naps, and neglecting the big guy's Quiet Time.

 

So... back to Quiet Time for this household. If I can only be sure that the Little One will cooperate. :)

 

It helps so see how other people snatch time for themselves.

[Janie Grace]

Um, I walk to the mailbox alone. That's pretty much it. I know I need FAR more than I get, but I'm in the same boat as you -- it's REALLY hard to fit in. Sometimes dh sends me out to have time to myself but I really just want to be ALONE in my house.

[Robyn]

We have quiet time for an hour after lunch during the first part of my toddler's nap.

 

As I wrote out a tentative schedule for our school day this fall, I had originally slotted some one on one work with my oldest during that time. But as I thought about it, I really need that time to myself. I shuffled it around and he will be reading then instead. We can work around the littles during the morning.

 

Bedtime is 7pm for the little guys and two nights a week dh takes oldest ds to karate and they are gone until after 9.

[Jzsnow]

If I don't have my alone time every day I am a terrible mother. Really. I'm cranky, short tempered, and just a plain grouch. I don't want to do anything for anyone! I hate that feeling. So, I get up at 5. I do whatever I want for an hour, then at 6 I make my husbands breakfast and lunch, get laundry put up and then started, unload the dishwasher, and get my hubby out the door. Then I have from about 6:30 to almost 8 before my clan gets up. In that hour I usually get school work ready and check my to-do list and start the day!

 

But, that 5am time is the ONLY time I can have alone time. My husband doesn't need it as much as I do, but he does take a long bath every morning and reads for his alone time. He's not cranky though if he doesn't get it!

 

It sucked getting up at 5 in the beginning, but now I can't live without that time!

 

Good Luck!

[Jzsnow]

We have quiet time for an hour after lunch during the first part of my toddler's nap.

 

:iagree:

I forgot to add that quiet time at my house is 2:30-4. I've taught my kids, and disciplined to reinforce that teaching, that we all need some down time. But, 3 of mine still nap! My 4, 3, and 1 year old would never make it without a nap!

 

As I wrote out a tentative schedule for our school day this fall, I had originally slotted some one on one work with my oldest during that time. But as I thought about it, I really need that time to myself. I shuffled it around and he will be reading then instead. We can work around the littles during the morning.

 

Bedtime is 7pm for the little guys and two nights a week dh takes oldest ds to karate and they are gone until after 9.

[JudoMom]

I get up at 5. Dh gets up around 6:30, and the boys are up at 7:30. I exercise, putter around, and hopefully rub my 2 awake brain cells together.

[eternalknot]

I don't require a lot of alone time, or even regular alone time ... but when I do need it, I *NEED* it.

 

I work outside of the home, and my job is extremely flexible. When I need some time alone, I head to work. My job involves travel, so I get a few days at a hotel to decompress, read without interruption, hog the remote control, shower without interruption, and have dinner and drinks out with my colleagues. By the time I'm starting to miss the kids, it's time to head back. Works out beautifully for me :)

 

I'm a single parent, but I have a large family that lives nearby. I feel fortunate to know that when I'm in immediate need of relief, there is back-up nearby. I can drop off my kids at a brother's for a few hours, and sit in a comfy chair at Starbucks staring at the ceiling. One brother is a widower, and he and I have an understanding with each other in this regard LOL ... and once every few months we drop all of our kids off with another brother so the two of us can hang out and compare stories from the trenches :D.

[butterflymommy]

I have been homeschooling for 10+ years. For the past 5 years or so I've been fluctuating in and out of severe homeschool burnout. One thing that helps me is having time alone. We live in a large house that was converted to a 2 family many years ago-- we use it as a 1 family, but the first floor can be completely closed off as a separate apartment. Sometimes I "move downstairs" and lock the doors for a while! I also am careful to get enough sleep-- the more rested I am, the more patience and attention I have for the kids, and the less I feel the need to "escape!"

[alpidarkomama]

My kids and DH are in bed every night, lights out, by 10:00. I go to bed at 1:00 a.m. Three glorious hours every single night. My husband and I go to our room for 30 minutes of uninterrupted talk time right after dinner most nights, plus maybe on hour on shabbos/Saturdays. I don't even know if I *need* the alone time, but it sure is nice!!!! I very reluctantly go to bed. :)

[ClassicMom]

I have to have time to think during the day also or I just can't function. I get up at 5:00 to have time in the morning before my son gets up; usually between 6:00 and 7:00.

 

Quiet time in the afternoon is a must! He is too old to nap but he must be quiet NO TALKING! I send him off to his room to play with Legos or to read.

 

Even though I get up early, I do tend to stay up after he goes to bed to get a bit of time to myself at night, generally till 11:00.

 

Luckily, I don't require much sleep and my need for recharging outweighs my need for sleep.

[Thia]

Alone time? What's that?

I usually have to stay up late at night if I need some quiet time, which then makes for a tired, grumpy mom the next morning. :tongue_smilie:

I have tried to get my kids to have "quiet" time in the afternoon when school is done, but it is impossibe, I have given up on trying to do that.:confused:

:iagree: