I think I'm burned out

[cathmom]

I never knew what that term really meant, but I think I'm there. I'm so tired of trying to be everything to everybody. But I don't want to not homeschool. I don't know that dh would agree to school anyway, unless it were a language immersion experience, because then the benefits would outweigh the negatives. I really don't know what to do. Thinking that we are entering our 15th year of homeschooling, with 15 more to go, just really makes me tired.

[LG Gone Wild]

:grouphug:

 

I feel that way too. Sometimes it feels like hopelessness. Did I mention I have enough empty jack daniels bottles to use them as bookends?

 

I've taken up hobbies so that my life doesn't feel like a drag.

[jewellsmommy]

:grouphug: I go through times like this. I hope you feel a renewed sense of vigor and a burst of energy soon!

[Tammyla]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Carol in Cal.]

Thinking that we are entering our 15th year of homeschooling, with 15 more to go, just really makes me tired.

 

Can you do one more year? Just one?

 

How differently would you do it if you knew it was your last one?

 

You don't have to look at it as 15 years more. You can look at it as one more year to get ready to be finished. Then at the end of that year, you can decide whether to be finished or not.

 

Some people do best with a really long view. Others do best with a shorter one. Either way can work if you're conscientious, which I know you are!

[Dolphin]

I am at the opposite end, just starting. When I felt burnt out, the board suggested that I took a break. It helped. Maybe you just need a really good long break. No thinking about, planning or doing school. Re- read some favorite old books, watch some movies and have a vacation from school.

[cathmom]

Can you do one more year? Just one?

 

How differently would you do it if you knew it was your last one?

 

You don't have to look at it as 15 years more. You can look at it as one more year to get ready to be finished. Then at the end of that year, you can decide whether to be finished or not.

 

 

 

maybe I can do that

[meggie]

:grouphug:

[lovelaughs_times_three]

:grouphug::grouphug: Whew! I feel your pain, and I'm only entering my 5th year! I am in the same boat about not wanting to quit. I really believe homeschooling is the best for my kids and for my family. But when I think about starting up again (Aug. 1), I cringe.

 

I feel shame for admitting this, but there are days (too many of them lately) when even my kids' voices calling "MOMMMMM" make my my eye twitch. (I have 3 VERY TALKATIVE children).

 

I know you all don't know me, so I feel compelled to clarify..... I LOVE my kids! There is no where I'd rather be than hanging out with them. But there are times......

[meggie]

:grouphug::grouphug: Whew! I feel your pain, and I'm only entering my 5th year! I am in the same boat about not wanting to quit. I really believe homeschooling is the best for my kids and for my family. But when I think about starting up again (Aug. 1), I cringe.

 

I feel shame for admitting this, but there are days (too many of them lately) when even my kids' voices calling "MOMMMMM" make my my eye twitch. (I have 3 VERY TALKATIVE children).

 

I know you all don't know me, so I feel compelled to clarify..... I LOVE my kids! There is no where I'd rather be than hanging out with them. But there are times......

 

No judgement here; my 2 year old is CONSTANTLY yelling "Mommy!" I get the same feeling

[Cindy in C-ville]

I was there and made the decision to put the kids in ps. The decision was driven by more than burn-out - fatigue from the adoption process, need to focus on marriage, etc. When I talked to my friends about this decision, one of them said, "Cindy, this might just be a one-year thing for you." At the time, I couldn't imagine that would be the case. We enrolled them in "school" with the intent to not look back. But, having the "in school" did not simplify life, but made it more complex. Now, b/c my husband had to resign from his job, I also picked up part-time work and that was a factor we didn't anticipate. But, even so, I don't think it would have brought me rest or a simpler life.

 

I know what others have said in terms of taking time off, but you are in the middle of summer and experiencing burn-out. This isn't just the October/February slump, but you really need so rest. However, you have "olders" as well as "youngers," which makes taking time off a little more complicated. My first suggestion would be to see how much outsourcing your budget can handle, at least for the high school age kids. If it can't handle any, and we've BTDT, I'd give the "olders" a lot more responsibility for their work this year - ask them what they want to accomplish, let them know how that fits on a high school transcript, and see what they are willing to do. With your "middles," I'd sacrifice the "WTM-Way" to cover the basics and keep them home. I'd do workbooks, an online program, barter with another mom, get Abeka DVDs, whatever will keep them moving forward a little bit and busy, but give you a break from what you feel is causing you the most burn-out. With the youngers, I wouldn't start this school year anytime soon. I'd just enjoy them and probably plan on starting after Christmas knowing that I may have to work into the summer a little. You probably have other limiting factors that I don't know about, so these ideas may not be a fit at all.

 

Honestly, I really do feel your pain and can understand where you're coming from!

[BlessedMom]

:grouphug:

[Garga]

Can I just say that I'm still stuck on the "I've done this for 15 years and have 15 years to go" bit?! Wow! No wonder you're feeling burned out!!!

 

Are you having a break right now? We've been off for 6 weeks and it's been glorious. I've let them watch tv for 2 hours a day and play the gamecube for 1 hour and play with their toys for the rest of the time. They've been bored and I've been lazy and it's been helpful to us all.

[Sara in AZ]

:grouphug::grouphug: Whew! I feel your pain, and I'm only entering my 5th year! I am in the same boat about not wanting to quit. I really believe homeschooling is the best for my kids and for my family. But when I think about starting up again (Aug. 1), I cringe.

 

I feel shame for admitting this, but there are days (too many of them lately) when even my kids' voices calling "MOMMMMM" make my my eye twitch. (I have 3 VERY TALKATIVE children).

 

I know you all don't know me, so I feel compelled to clarify..... I LOVE my kids! There is no where I'd rather be than hanging out with them. But there are times......

 

This is me, too. Sometimes I joke with my husband about changing his name to Mommy. Do you think the kids would notice?!

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Can I just say that I'm still stuck on the "I've done this for 15 years and have 15 years to go" bit?! Wow! No wonder you're feeling burned out!!!

 

Are you having a break right now? We've been off for 6 weeks and it's been glorious. I've let them watch tv for 2 hours a day and play the gamecube for 1 hour and play with their toys for the rest of the time. They've been bored and I've been lazy and it's been helpful to us all.

 

:iagree:I also see nothing wrong with sending your kids to school whether it is for a year or more:) Your kids need a mom who can be there for them and if you are burned out it is hard to do that:( I had to take a year off last year and sent ds to school. I am taking homeschooling year by year. As for this summer, we are not doing any.school.at.all since we are trying to finish up a move and sale of our house.

 

I guess what I am saying is that if you really need the break, then I wholeheartedly recommend it to keep you at your best:)

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I wanted to add that many kids do well in school are very resilient:) My sister's kids have all done very well in public schools since they have very supportive parents.

[LG Gone Wild]

Can I just say that I'm still stuck on the "I've done this for 15 years and have 15 years to go" bit?! Wow! No wonder you're feeling burned out!!!

 

Are you having a break right now? We've been off for 6 weeks and it's been glorious. I've let them watch tv for 2 hours a day and play the gamecube for 1 hour and play with their toys for the rest of the time. They've been bored and I've been lazy and it's been helpful to us all.

 

Music to my ears.....

[cathmom]

:grouphug:

 

I feel that way too. Sometimes it feels like hopelessness. Did I mention I have enough empty jack daniels bottles to use them as bookends?

 

I've taken up hobbies so that my life doesn't feel like a drag.

 

JD sounds good lol! I have hobbies but no time to do them, or at least, no time without being interrupted 4000 times.

 

:grouphug: I go through times like this. I hope you feel a renewed sense of vigor and a burst of energy soon!

 

Thank you very much! That would be a welcome change from sick and in pain.

 

:grouphug:

 

:grouphug: Thanks!

 

I am at the opposite end, just starting. When I felt burnt out, the board suggested that I took a break. It helped. Maybe you just need a really good long break. No thinking about, planning or doing school. Re- read some favorite old books, watch some movies and have a vacation from school.

 

The problem is that much of this year has been a break and we REALLY have not gotten enough done to take anymore time off. Taking time off adds to my guilt.

 

:grouphug:

 

:grouphug: Thanks!

 

:grouphug::grouphug: Whew! I feel your pain, and I'm only entering my 5th year! I am in the same boat about not wanting to quit. I really believe homeschooling is the best for my kids and for my family. But when I think about starting up again (Aug. 1), I cringe.

 

I feel shame for admitting this, but there are days (too many of them lately) when even my kids' voices calling "MOMMMMM" make my my eye twitch. (I have 3 VERY TALKATIVE children).

 

I know you all don't know me, so I feel compelled to clarify..... I LOVE my kids! There is no where I'd rather be than hanging out with them. But there are times......

 

I love them too, but all of my 6 dc at home have issues of one sort or another. It's hard to feel like I'm doing a good job meeting all of their needs.

[cathmom]

I was there and made the decision to put the kids in ps. The decision was driven by more than burn-out - fatigue from the adoption process, need to focus on marriage, etc. When I talked to my friends about this decision, one of them said, "Cindy, this might just be a one-year thing for you." At the time, I couldn't imagine that would be the case. We enrolled them in "school" with the intent to not look back. But, having the "in school" did not simplify life, but made it more complex. Now, b/c my husband had to resign from his job, I also picked up part-time work and that was a factor we didn't anticipate. But, even so, I don't think it would have brought me rest or a simpler life.

 

I know what others have said in terms of taking time off, but you are in the middle of summer and experiencing burn-out. This isn't just the October/February slump, but you really need so rest. However, you have "olders" as well as "youngers," which makes taking time off a little more complicated. My first suggestion would be to see how much outsourcing your budget can handle, at least for the high school age kids. If it can't handle any, and we've BTDT, I'd give the "olders" a lot more responsibility for their work this year - ask them what they want to accomplish, let them know how that fits on a high school transcript, and see what they are willing to do. With your "middles," I'd sacrifice the "WTM-Way" to cover the basics and keep them home. I'd do workbooks, an online program, barter with another mom, get Abeka DVDs, whatever will keep them moving forward a little bit and busy, but give you a break from what you feel is causing you the most burn-out. With the youngers, I wouldn't start this school year anytime soon. I'd just enjoy them and probably plan on starting after Christmas knowing that I may have to work into the summer a little. You probably have other limiting factors that I don't know about, so these ideas may not be a fit at all.

 

Honestly, I really do feel your pain and can understand where you're coming from!

 

Thanks, Cindy! You have a good point (about the time of year). I know that school will not simplify my life. It's more a wanting to not always have this incredible burden hanging over me and never feeling like I do what I want to do with my dc. Something is always happening.

 

:grouphug:

 

thanks! :grouphug:

 

Can I just say that I'm still stuck on the "I've done this for 15 years and have 15 years to go" bit?! Wow! No wonder you're feeling burned out!!!

 

Are you having a break right now? We've been off for 6 weeks and it's been glorious. I've let them watch tv for 2 hours a day and play the gamecube for 1 hour and play with their toys for the rest of the time. They've been bored and I've been lazy and it's been helpful to us all.

 

Yeah, that 30 year thing is quite overwhelming. We are sort of having a break right now but it's not an official break. things are crazy and so we haven't been able to accomplish what I wanted to this summer. Now summer is almost over and in about 4 weeks I'm going to begin teaching PT again and every time I think of every child and every subject I just want to go pull the covers over my head. Breaks=guilt for me, not rest.

 

:iagree:I also see nothing wrong with sending your kids to school whether it is for a year or more:) Your kids need a mom who can be there for them and if you are burned out it is hard to do that:( I had to take a year off last year and sent ds to school. I am taking homeschooling year by year. As for this summer, we are not doing any.school.at.all since we are trying to finish up a move and sale of our house.

 

I guess what I am saying is that if you really need the break, then I wholeheartedly recommend it to keep you at your best:)

 

I don't think I've had a "best" since my twins were born 6 years ago. I've had a "just enough done to survive."

 

 

I wanted to add that many kids do well in school are very resilient:) My sister's kids have all done very well in public schools since they have very supportive parents.

 

Thanks - I do know a family with all grown dc who went to public school and the dc are all wonderful, so I know it can be done. My issue is that I believe so strongly in individualizing education that I would not be happy with school. Of course, I'm not really happy with our homeschool right now either.

 

If I weren't teaching I'd be tempted to send the two older ones to school and keep the younger ones home, but dh probably would not agree to that, and since I am teaching, then I would need a babysitter. But I like the previous idea to just focus on this coming year and have clearly defined goals for each of them based on "if I put them in school the following year." That might help me.

[Sahamamama]

I never knew what that term really meant, but I think I'm there. I'm so tired of trying to be everything to everybody. But I don't want to not homeschool. I don't know that dh would agree to school anyway, unless it were a language immersion experience, because then the benefits would outweigh the negatives. I really don't know what to do. Thinking that we are entering our 15th year of homeschooling, with 15 more to go, just really makes me tired.

 

:grouphug: No words, just a hug. Hope it helps.

[cathmom]

:grouphug: No words, just a hug. Hope it helps.

 

Thanks!

[Sahamamama]

In about 4 weeks I'm going to begin teaching PT again and every time I think of every child and every subject I just want to go pull the covers over my head. Breaks=guilt for me, not rest.

 

Just a thought -- Is there any way you could stagger your start dates and/or rotate through your children?

 

August/September -- Focus on oldest students; get them started on some work

October/November -- Focus on middle students; get them started on some work

December -- Holidays/Unschool for a month

January/February -- Focus on youngest students; teach them something

March/April -- Focus on oldest students

May/June -- Focus on middle students

 

I have no idea if this could work, but might allow you to get each group going, focus on the needs of those students only, and assign them some work (enough to last for ______ weeks). Then that batch gets a break, helps out with chores and the toddler(s), and you focus on the next group. IDK, but it might help you to not feel the load of everyone at once.

 

:grouphug:

[cathmom]

Just a thought -- Is there any way you could stagger your start dates and/or rotate through your children?

 

August/September -- Focus on oldest students; get them started on some work

October/November -- Focus on middle students; get them started on some work

December -- Holidays/Unschool for a month

January/February -- Focus on youngest students; teach them something

March/April -- Focus on oldest students

May/June -- Focus on middle students

 

I have no idea if this could work, but might allow you to get each group going, focus on the needs of those students only, and assign them some work (enough to last for ______ weeks). Then that batch gets a break, helps out with chores and the toddler(s), and you focus on the next group. IDK, but it might help you to not feel the load of everyone at once.

 

:grouphug:

 

Thanks for the ideas! i will ponder them. I don't really have any middles - I've got 2 olders and 4 youngers, one preschool age who will be attending preschool 2 days a week. This coming year I will have 9th grade, 7th, 2nd, 2 in kindergarten, and a preschooler.

[Aubrey]

Thanks, Cindy! You have a good point (about the time of year). I know that school will not simplify my life. It's more a wanting to not always have this incredible burden hanging over me and never feeling like I do what I want to do with my dc. Something is always happening.

 

This stuck out to me. What is it you want to be doing w/ your dc? Answer that & work backwards. If THAT were the priority, what would have to change? Is there anything simple that could be moved around to make it happen?

 

And since my oldest is 10, that's all I'll say. :leaving:

[GWOB]

Oh honey! :grouphug: I almost get it. I've only been homeschooling since Dec 2008 and I am tired. I know deep down it is best for my kids. I know they would either get lost in our local ps, get bullied, or slapped with a big fat inappropriate label. You know better than I do that it is downright hard and exhausting to homeschool. It just is. Sometimes we just have to admit we are tired. That's ok. Really. I've accepted the fact that my kids will not have me to thank if they are ever fortunate enough to be Rhodes Scholars. I've had to embrace the whole "good enough" philosophy. It ain't perfect, but it's good enough. I personally cannot strive for perfection. I get the mom guilt if I do and don't reach that goal. Then I get paralyzed by that guilt. Mommy guilt sucks. Period. Somehow we have to find a way to get rid of that guilt. We just have to accept our limitations. We just have to put one foot in front of the other and, to quote a fellow Nebraskan, "Git 'er done."

[cathmom]

This stuck out to me. What is it you want to be doing w/ your dc? Answer that & work backwards. If THAT were the priority, what would have to change? Is there anything simple that could be moved around to make it happen?

 

And since my oldest is 10, that's all I'll say. :leaving:

 

Well, see, I'm a perfectionist. And there probably are not enough hours in a week to do everything I want to do with all of my dc.

 

I got a new Montessori catalog in the mail yesterday and I brought it with me to look at tonight while I was waiting for my dd. I started looking and I just had to close it. I just couldn't take it.

 

But there is merit in what you say, and I've been thinking about establishing one or two goals for each child and mainly focusing on them. Of course, that's still 6-12 goals, plus teaching, plus ordinary everyday life for a family of 8 (9 of course, but my oldest doesn't live here anymore).

[coffeegal]

Thinking that we are entering our 15th year of homeschooling, with 15 more to go, just really makes me tired.

 

:grouphug: It makes me tired too. I calculated out the number of times we'll be going through the history cycle. 9 years down. Another 5 times through the history cycle before the youngest leaves the house. :001_huh:

[cathmom]

:grouphug: It makes me tired too. I calculated out the number of times we'll be going through the history cycle. 9 years down. Another 5 times through the history cycle before the youngest leaves the house. :001_huh:

 

Seriously? You'll know as much history as SWB does!

[cathmom]

Oh honey! :grouphug: I almost get it. I've only been homeschooling since Dec 2008 and I am tired. I know deep down it is best for my kids. I know they would either get lost in our local ps, get bullied, or slapped with a big fat inappropriate label. You know better than I do that it is downright hard and exhausting to homeschool. It just is. Sometimes we just have to admit we are tired. That's ok. Really. I've accepted the fact that my kids will not have me to thank if they are ever fortunate enough to be Rhodes Scholars. I've had to embrace the whole "good enough" philosophy. It ain't perfect, but it's good enough. I personally cannot strive for perfection. I get the mom guilt if I do and don't reach that goal. Then I get paralyzed by that guilt. Mommy guilt sucks. Period. Somehow we have to find a way to get rid of that guilt. We just have to accept our limitations. We just have to put one foot in front of the other and, to quote a fellow Nebraskan, "Git 'er done."

 

Good advice - thank you! I do have to find a way to let go of my guilt. I've been doing better - I gave up the guilt about stopping speaking German to my little ones all the time when my youngest was born. I was just so tired with no other German support and I could. not. do. it. anymore.

[Aubrey]

Well, see, I'm a perfectionist. And there probably are not enough hours in a week to do everything I want to do with all of my dc.

 

I got a new Montessori catalog in the mail yesterday and I brought it with me to look at tonight while I was waiting for my dd. I started looking and I just had to close it. I just couldn't take it.

 

But there is merit in what you say, and I've been thinking about establishing one or two goals for each child and mainly focusing on them. Of course, that's still 6-12 goals, plus teaching, plus ordinary everyday life for a family of 8 (9 of course, but my oldest doesn't live here anymore).

 

1. 1-2 goals is good. Much better than perfectionism, which as we know, never happens & only dresses up like a good thing in order to wreck the things that are good in our lives. (Spoken from one perfectionist to another) ;)

 

2. Don't look at the big picture: it's not 6-12 goals + teaching + family life.

 

First make your goals. Try to stick w/ one/kid for most of the kids. Then, depending on what they are, I'll bet it's not as bad as you think. One kid's goal might be to learn to cook OR it might just be more time w/ mom: either way, you're cooking dinner anyway--double up. Two birds, one stone.

 

Or maybe all of the goals don't have to happen at the same time. I don't really have specific goals for mine right now, but I've noticed a pattern: one will have behavior issues or look sad or something, & I'll worry about that one for a few days. In worrying (& praying), I'll figure out something I think that kid needs, address the need (could be a one-time thing, could be longer), & things will feel better.

 

Until I start worrying about the next kid. But I've decided that that's a healthy rotation, & this kind of "worry" is my expression of love. :lol:

 

So if I think ds needs more responsibility/freedom, I can focus on that for a week or a month until it is folded into our routine. Then I realize dd needs more talk/cuddle time. I try to work that in. It fades back out eventually, but it fills her up until I notice she needs it again.

 

I hope that's helpful. I just added up how many years I have/will be hs'ing if this baby is our last. I'm pretty sure that's like figuring out your hourly wage as a teacher: never a good idea! :lol:

[GWOB]

Good advice - thank you! I do have to find a way to let go of my guilt. I've been doing better - I gave up the guilt about stopping speaking German to my little ones all the time when my youngest was born. I was just so tired with no other German support and I could. not. do. it. anymore.

 

 

I am so there with you. I always imagined my kids would speak French. My Dad's first language was French. I had years of French in school. I lamented the fact that second language instruction started so late in public schools. My culture is so heavily tied in to the French (Cajun French) language. It just didn't happen. When I think of it, I feel really guilty. But you know what? My kids are getting a solid(ish) Latin education. It isn't French, but it's darn close, and that's good enough for me.

 

I get the perfectionist tendencies. Really. I tend to be an all-or-nothing kind of gal. Homeschooling has really taught me so many lessons about that. My kids are not perfectionists. They are happy with the process while I am only happy with the result. Talk about hard lesson learned.

 

I feel completely ridiculous even trying to give you, a veteran homeschooler, advice. I'm sure nothing I've had to say is useful, but sometimes it really is nice to know that you are not alone in you (feeling of) craptasticness. BTW, my impression of you from here is nothing short of Rock Star.

[cathmom]

I feel completely ridiculous even trying to give you, a veteran homeschooler, advice. I'm sure nothing I've had to say is useful, but sometimes it really is nice to know that you are not alone in you (feeling of) craptasticness. BTW, my impression of you from here is nothing short of Rock Star.

 

Don't feel ridiculous! I really need some input. It's been an especially hard year in a run of hard years. I need to keep reminding myself that I actually have successfully done this before (oldest got a full scholarship to college). I get so mired in everything!

 

As to your last statement, I don't even know what to say LOL. Thank you. Usually I just feel like the woman who argues against rigor and Rosetta Stone and that's it LOL.

[Wildiris]

Cathmom~ I cut and pasted my response to a similar post earlier in the week. I know all too well where you're coming from.

 

Feeling ever so burnt out by the homeschool grind, I signed the girls up for K12. After 16 years of homeschooling, I want a bit of a life where I'm not panicked about building huge gaps in my children's learning. But what really pushed me over the edge and into a virtual school was a need for accountability other than just "MOM."

 

Stepping away from the summertime curriculum treadmill, I've spent my summer making a beautiful garden full of flowers. Rather than pouring over curriculum catalogs or endless internet searches, I get to read books for pleasure instead of sneaking them in on the side. I'm welcoming the change. K12 may not be your solution, and it may not be my solution --we haven't started yet--but it is a break from wearing too many hats.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[asta]

Maybe deferring to one of these places could give you some breathing room.

 

 

a

[Ester Maria]

:grouphug:

 

Burnouts are a normal part of life... of an intense life, at least. Just like our own intellectual burnouts (you know those periods of total mental oversaturation in which you feel like you will never open a book again?), burnouts related to parenting and teaching can be equally difficult. I suppose it sounds like a cliche, but it does pass, even if at the time it seems to you as though it might not pass.

 

I think you need a period of focusing on other things in life, worrying minimally about school. Can you sign up kids for K-12 or other comprehensive online program? Can the older ones work independently (I am not sure about the ages of your children, but I assume you have some that are upper middle / high school?) with minimal oversight? Can you outsource at least some things by what is available to you in terms of classes or tutors? Can you minimize your role in your children's education, for a while, to be mainly about the basics for the littles and not much more than moral support for the older ones?

 

We are all perfectionists over here so I understand you :tongue_smilie:, but sometimes it just takes thinking pragmatically for a while. I had periods in which mine were in public / private / international school half-time, periods in which I had outsourced basically everything other than literature and classics to tutors, and a few times we just went on an impromptu vacation because mom needed to regenerate. I regenerate fairly quickly though, but if I felt I could not give them what they needed to get without it harming my mental or physical health, I would organize an alternative way of schooling them beacuse on one hand I would not wish to compromise the quality of their studies too much, but on the other hand, I would not feel it is responsible of me to know I am doing something that will put me in a bad state (which will then of course reflect on the overall quality of life at home) and still be doing it. If that means public school, then public school it is. If that means that they will be taught by tutors most all subjects, then they will be taught by tutors most all subjects. For as little or as long as I need. Academics are only a part of life and, while we are at it, a fairly insignificant one when you consider your health, good atmosphere at home, relationships, and other more important things to focus on - they should not exhaust you to the point of harming those other areas.

[TXMomof4]

Cathmom~ I cut and pasted my response to a similar post earlier in the week. I know all too well where you're coming from.

 

Feeling ever so burnt out by the homeschool grind, I signed the girls up for K12. After 16 years of homeschooling, I want a bit of a life where I'm not panicked about building huge gaps in my children's learning. But what really pushed me over the edge and into a virtual school was a need for accountability other than just "MOM."

 

Stepping away from the summertime curriculum treadmill, I've spent my summer making a beautiful garden full of flowers. Rather than pouring over curriculum catalogs or endless internet searches, I get to read books for pleasure instead of sneaking them in on the side. I'm welcoming the change. K12 may not be your solution, and it may not be my solution --we haven't started yet--but it is a break from wearing too many hats.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

I have to say, I used k12 for my older two this last year and it was fantastic. Unfortunately, it isn't really an option where we are this year, and I am looking at PS seriously for the first time ever.

 

I am exhausted. I'm tired of trying so hard and seeing it all come to very little of any account. Yes, I am aware that is my perception - the reality is I have very good, smart kids who do good work. The problem is I can.not do this again this year.

 

Seriously, consider K12. The history, LA, science, and literature are very, very good. Math is good, just different from what we did before. My older two were very independant with it. If it were an option I could afford, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Well, maybe two heartbeats, but the thought of not having to do any of it for a little while is very enticing as well.

 

:grouphug: I'm in the middle of a meltdown myself so I completely get the thought that I just can't do it again right now. Maybe next year. Maybe next semester. Maybe at the end of 9 weeks. But something has to give and I hope it isn't my sanity.

[cathmom]

After considering all of your comments some more and talking with a good friend (you know who you are! :D), I think I've come to some realizations.

 

My burnout seems to stem primarily from the vision I have of how I would like to homeschool each of my dc. Basically, I'd like to spend 4 or 5 hours a day with each of them. Separately. Since I have 6 dc at home, that would mean doing nothing else.

 

What I want is impossible, and when I can't do it, I feel guilt. EVEN if all of my 6 dc at home didn't have issues/learning disabilities, EVEN if they were all perfect students, EVEN IF I had a full-time cook and housekeeper and chauffeur, and EVEN IF I had all the money in the world, I still couldn't do it. So what I have is essentially paralysis.

 

Now that I understand the problem, I need to work on how to get out of it.

[Garga]

After considering all of your comments some more and talking with a good friend (you know who you are! :D), I think I've come to some realizations.

 

My burnout seems to stem primarily from the vision I have of how I would like to homeschool each of my dc. Basically, I'd like to spend 4 or 5 hours a day with each of them. Separately. Since I have 6 dc at home, that would mean doing nothing else.

 

What I want is impossible, and when I can't do it, I feel guilt. EVEN if all of my 6 dc at home didn't have issues/learning disabilities, EVEN if they were all perfect students, EVEN IF I had a full-time cook and housekeeper and chauffeur, and EVEN IF I had all the money in the world, I still couldn't do it. So what I have is essentially paralysis.

 

Now that I understand the problem, I need to work on how to get out of it.

 

Oh wow. I only have two, but you've hit the nail on the head about how I feel. I would love to give them each 5 hours/day, but I can't swing 10 hours of homeschooling a day. It must be sooo much more frustrating for you. :grouphug:

[AngelBee]

:grouphug:

[JadeOrchidSong]

:grouphug:

 

I feel that way too. Sometimes it feels like hopelessness. Did I mention I have enough empty jack daniels bottles to use them as bookends?

 

I've taken up hobbies so that my life doesn't feel like a drag.

Can you share what kinds of hobbies you are doing? I really need some ideas and inspiration. Right now I am really into reading books (historical novels). But I am not doing things with my hands. My dh has taken up drawing and loves it.

[cathmom]

Oh wow. I only have two, but you've hit the nail on the head about how I feel. I would love to give them each 5 hours/day, but I can't swing 10 hours of homeschooling a day. It must be sooo much more frustrating for you. :grouphug:

 

I know...I can imagine doing all sorts of wonderful things with them, but then the reality is that I can't.

 

:grouphug: to you too!

[cathmom]

:grouphug:

 

Thanks!

[JessReplanted]

Can you do one more year? Just one?

 

How differently would you do it if you knew it was your last one?

 

You don't have to look at it as 15 years more. You can look at it as one more year to get ready to be finished. Then at the end of that year, you can decide whether to be finished or not.

 

Some people do best with a really long view. Others do best with a shorter one. Either way can work if you're conscientious, which I know you are!

 

:iagree:

 

I have to do this - one day, one school year at a time. If I had to think about 15 years of home school, I'd probably crawl in my bed and stay there!

[Dirtroad]

I have only been homeschooling for 7 years and have 16 more ahead of me. I feel like I can't breathe sometimes. I think I understand the OP.

 

My only relief is time off. 2 weeks last Christmas break was wonderful. I ignored any thoughts of school. I have attempted to take a month off for the summer.... but it seems that so many want things (I am a field trip coordinator & now helping lead a coop). My summer is being consumed by the needs of others quickly.... I hope I get a short break before we resume.

 

Just be encouraged.... you aren't alone. Schedule some short breaks in your calendar (2-3 day weeks a few times per year). Don't touch school.... just let it lie!

 

Get enough sleep. I fail to do this & it does make it worse.

 

Although not comforting, but hopefully encouraging.... if it were easy, it really wouldn't be worth doing! You are giving a foundation that can't be beaten!

 

Plan a few short breaks or long weekends away from school. Take a long bath on occassion. Get kids out of the house & have it all to yourself on occassion. Pack books up on the shelf or in crates for the weekend.... or close the school room door.

 

Good luck.

[cathmom]

Get kids out of the house & have it all to yourself on occasion.

 

If only!!!! :D

 

Thanks for your kind words. I do need to make more time for rejuvenating myself! I've said to my physical therapist a couple of times, "Isn't it ironic that I have to force myself to relax?!"

[cathmom]

:iagree:

 

I have to do this - one day, one school year at a time. If I had to think about 15 years of home school, I'd probably crawl in my bed and stay there!

 

See, and I've never been like that. we decided once to homeschool and have never really considered any other option.

[Iamblessed]

Know how that feels and will be praying for you!! :)

[FO4UR]

After considering all of your comments some more and talking with a good friend (you know who you are! :D), I think I've come to some realizations.

 

My burnout seems to stem primarily from the vision I have of how I would like to homeschool each of my dc. Basically, I'd like to spend 4 or 5 hours a day with each of them. Separately. Since I have 6 dc at home, that would mean doing nothing else.

 

What I want is impossible, and when I can't do it, I feel guilt. EVEN if all of my 6 dc at home didn't have issues/learning disabilities, EVEN if they were all perfect students, EVEN IF I had a full-time cook and housekeeper and chauffeur, and EVEN IF I had all the money in the world, I still couldn't do it. So what I have is essentially paralysis.

 

Now that I understand the problem, I need to work on how to get out of it.

 

I relate to this. :grouphug:

 

I go from guilty over not giving as much to one to feeling guilty over not giving as much to another...and then the 3rd (not to mention the household stuff). It cycles around so I'm (logically) sure that they are getting their fair share, but (emotionally) I need to *let go* of the notion of perfection I have in my head - WITHOUT - letting go of the drive to educate them with all that I *can* give.

 

Perhaps, if I expect to fail in most of my (unrealistic) expectations, I can let go of the guilt and simply re-assess as we go. idk.

[Jenny in Florida]

I love them too, but all of my 6 dc at home have issues of one sort or another. It's hard to feel like I'm doing a good job meeting all of their needs.

 

Sigh.

 

You make me feel like such a slacker and even more of a whiner.

 

I've got burn-out, too. So much burn-out.

 

But I've been homeschooling for fewer years (12?), have fewer kids (two, and only one now schooling with me) and have fewer years left to go (three, if my son's plans work out).

 

And it still makes me cry to think about starting school in a few weeks.

 

We've had no break to speak of this year, which doesn't help. Normally, we are done with our academic year in late May and I get time to plan for the following year and then do nothing school related for a while. I clean and organize the school room before our official first day. My son has had a break and is ready to start back . . .

 

This year, none of that is happening. My son is still trying to finish one of his online courses from last year. It should happen this week, but I'm still tired of both hearing about it and fighting about it.

 

I'm planning only two and a half subjects, but I haven't quite finished the first one. And I did it in such short bursts that I'm not at all sure it makes sense. I don't even have all the supplies I need to plan the other full course, and I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with the last one.

 

We moved to a smaller house a few months ago, and I no longer have a "school room." Instead, our desks and bookshelves are sharing space with our dining table, and the arrangement isn't really practical or comfortable. There are still stacks of boxes from the move stuffed full of things this smaller home has no room to absorb. Everything is a mess, and I have no energy to fix it.

 

My son is doing summer stock at a local theatre. They just opened their show and have eight more performances to go. He's also volunteering as a junior counselor for the theatre's day camps for younger kids. Between volunteering and rehearsals, he's been busy from 8:45 am until 9:00 or 10:00 pm many days the last two weeks. My daugher is just beginning rehearsals for a show that won't finish until a week before school starts. She has done so many auditions all over Central Florida that I've lost count. And she has four more call-backs in the next several days. (Edit: I just realized I should mention that she doesn't drive year, meaning I'm chauferring her to and from all of these auditions and rehearsals.) So, we have no time for a meaningful break, let alone an actual vacation of any kind.

 

Sending my son to school next year isn't a realistic option. We actually considered the idea very seriously back in the fall and spring. And we started the process of having him apply for a performing arts magnet school. He ended up choosing not to audition, which means that his only option would be the local middle school. He'd be going in as an eight grader (the last year of middle school) into a school where he knows nobody and that doesn't have a great reputation. The local schools have already completed registration, which means he'd have little choice of classes. He'd end up going backward, academically, since he's completed all of the eighth grade courses and been doing some high school work at home already. And he really, really doesn't want to go. So, I can't imagine that would be anything other than a disaster.

 

I'm just so tired of being the only cheerful one in the house. The other three family members (including my husband) bicker and snipe at each other all day, and I get tossed all of the fall-out. It seems like everybody else is miserable some or all of the time, and I'm exhausted from feeling like I'm trying to telepathically steer the Titanic away from that iceberg by just willing everyone to be happy and get along.

 

I'm having recurring fantasies of taking the dog and renting a little place by the beach and doing nothing but eating whatever I want and reading and taking long walks and sleeping as much as a I want.

 

My daughter refused to speak to us most of yesterday. Let's just say that the adjustment to having her home full time has been somewhat less than smooth.

 

So, if it makes you feel any better, know that I'm coping with a whole lot less and am still burned out big time. You've been doing this longer with more kids and more challenges. To me, you sound like a super hero.

Edited July 24, 2011 by Jenny in Florida

[cathmom]

Know how that feels and will be praying for you!! :)

 

Thank you so much!

 

I relate to this. :grouphug:

 

(emotionally) I need to *let go* of the notion of perfection I have in my head - WITHOUT - letting go of the drive to educate them with all that I *can* give.

 

 

 

That is the really difficult thing! I constantly struggle with my expectations of myself, and only in retrospect can I see that they were impossible to do anyway. My classic example is from 3 years ago - I was teaching PT at a charter school and heavily pg with my 7th. In addition, my oldest was leaving for college at the end of the summer. I made a list of 21 goals in 6 different areas that I wanted to accomplish before the baby was born. 3 of my other dc were still under 5. I think I accomplished one of those goals. :D But I know I spent time feeling bad and feeling guilty that I was not doing my list.

 

Sigh.

 

You make me feel like such a slacker and even more of a whiner.

 

I've got burn-out, too. So much burn-out.

 

But I've been homeschooling for fewer years (12?), have fewer kids (two, and only one now schooling with me) and have fewer years left to go (three, if my son's plans work out).

 

And it still makes me cry to think about starting school in a few weeks.

 

We've had no break to speak of this year, which doesn't help. Normally, we are done with our academic year in late May and I get time to plan for the following year and then do nothing school related for a while. I clean and organize the school room before our official first day. My son has had a break and is ready to start back . . .

 

This year, none of that is happening. My son is still trying to finish one of his online courses from last year. It should happen this week, but I'm still tired of both hearing about it and fighting about it.

 

Everything is a mess, and I have no energy to fix it.

 

 

I'm having recurring fantasies of taking the dog and renting a little place by the beach and doing nothing but eating whatever I want and reading and taking long walks and sleeping as much as a I want.

 

So, if it makes you feel any better, know that I'm coping with a whole lot less and am still burned out big time. You've been doing this longer with more kids and more challenges. To me, you sound like a super hero.

 

:grouphug: You've got a lot on your plate as well! I think the break thing is a good idea. I never have a real scheduled break when I don't feel guilty about things not getting done.

 

I'm having fantasies as well - going away for a weekend by myself and just sleeping is high on the list.

 

I'm so not a super hero, but thanks. I guess I'm not a good advertisement for large families - I think I'm supposed to pretend that it's easy and that the older dc help a lot and can do all their school work independently.