Need advice for a Catholic/Protestant crisis

[Jennifer]

When dh and I met, he was a cradle catholic, Church every sunday, had received all this sacraments. I was attending and loving a Southern Baptist church. We just did our separate things during the engagement (yes in hindsight that was not a good thing to do) and we would work it all out when we were married.I did ask him (once or twice if he was saved-he said of course he was as he went to church every sunday) So DH got a dispensation saying that he could marry a nonCatholic in a nonCatholic church. He signed something about doing his best to raise the kids catholic.

We married and have attended Catholic churches throughout the 14 years of marriage and 4 kids. I was confirmed into the Catholic church. My kids have all their sacraments in place.

 

I don't not like the Catholic church. The only thing that holds me there is that I do believe the bread and wine become the actually bread and body of Christ as is written in John 6.

 

I don't like all saints and statues and rosaries and novenas. I also have issue with having to see a priest to have my sins forgiven. I fully believe in 1John 1:9 "If we confess our sins he is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

 

I want to go to a different church some Sunday. But before I even figure out which on, how do you tell dh you're not pleased with his Catholic faith and you want something different.? My DH will get hissy and mad and tell me to go and do what I want but not to expect any participation from him...

 

Had to get this off my chest...

Jennifer

[OnTheBrink]

I have no answers for you. :001_smile: But, I do want to comment on the confessing to someone your sins. I was listening to a podcast on Ancient Faith radio (which is EO) and the priest was commenting on that very thing. An interesting point he made is that when he confesses to another priest, he finds that stating his sins out loud to another will lead to him remembering other sins he'd forgotten about, as opposed to silent prayer to God only. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone, but I thought it was an interesting point. He also said that you most certainly can confess your sins to Christ himself without using priest, but he found his confessions were more whole when he confessed to a person out loud.

 

Just thought I'd toss that out there. Maybe that'll help you with the confession thing. :001_smile:

[Carol in Cal.]

You sound like a confessional Lutheran to me!

 

I think that when you're looking for a better fit like this, it's really important to run TO something, not just FROM something. I wonder whether there is a way for you to search without necessarily involving anyone else, until you know what you are supposed to do?

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

Maybe you could go to a Wednesday night service or mid-week bible study at a Protestant church while continuing to go to Catholic services on Sunday? I know someone who did that until the kids left the house, then she started going to Protestant church on Sunday.

[SonshineLearner]

How about going to another type of service on Wed? A bible study at... is it called BSF? If he's open at all, you could kinda try to compromise on Lutheran? But that's a pretty big jump for a Catholic :( I wouldn't break up a family over it, and I totally believe that Catholics can be Christian.... (like any denomination has Christians) Have you explained that you want to see a relationship with Jesus, during the week? (Is that an issue?) Anyway, I would proceed with love and caution and see if you can get some mediator type help along the way.

[angel marie]

i am a cradle catholic too and i really appreciate you holding to the agreement you made when you got married that your children would be catholic etc... BUT now that you see it isn't a good fit, you need to find a place for you so that you can grow in your relationship with God. my husband converted from being episcopal. if he came to me and said the catholic church wasn't doing it for him anymore, i wouldn't like it. yes, i would have many questions even want him to talk to a priest that he identifies with BUT in all honestly i would want what was best for him. it would complicate things for awhile, but we would get used to it-- just like it will for you. the confirmation thing into our faith is not to be taken lightely, but you need to go where your heart is telling you do go. it won't be a bad example for your children either. explain it to them. they need to go with what makes them closer with God too. hope this helps.

angel

[Margo out of lurking]

Do you just not "like" all of the above things, or do you not understand the Catholic church beliefs behind them? The book Rome, Sweet Rome was written by a Protestant minister who became Catholic and will give you scriptural foundations for these and other things pertaining to the church.

 

Could you begin by discussing what you like about the Catholic church, then bring up what you are struggling with?

 

How devout a Catholic is your dh? How would he feel about you visiting an Orthodox or Episcopalian church? There are some protestant churches that hold beliefs very similar to transubstantiation.

[Melinda in VT]

I spent several years actively posting on message boards for people on their way out of my church of origin. Although my husband and I left together, many posters had spouses who stayed in the church. Based on that experience, I offer these two pieces of advice:

 

1. Go slowly.

 

2. Don't burn bridges.

 

In other words, I wouldn't tell your husband that you don't like the Catholic Church, never have, and here's why. ;) (Not that you would probably intend to say it like that, but sometimes discussions like these get heated.)

 

Make this about you and your spiritual needs, not about the Catholic Church.

 

I disagree that you need to have a place to run toward before you move away. I think after attending one denomination for so long, we honestly don't know what is out there to run to.

 

Maybe suggesting something like you (just you) attending a different church one Sunday a month? Try out lots of different kinds and see what resonates with you and what doesn't. There is no rush to find a replacement church. Take your time exploring.

 

Best wishes. :grouphug:

[Trish]

There are at least 4 Catholic churches in the immediate area where I live. Why not try another? They can be VERY diffferent from each other in terms of how they feel, and I'm not aware of ANY Catholic church that makes you say the rosary. My husband and I checked out at least six different churches before picking one. (two were a bit further than the first four) A lot of difference between them. And we still enjoy going to new churches when we're on vacation.

[Parrothead]

Pray. Simply pray that God lead you where He wants you to be.

 

 

I would also suggest asking for grace and wisdom to accept those things you don't like/understand about the Catholic faith just in case He leads you to stay right where you are.

[Parrothead]

How about going to another type of service on Wed? A bible study at... is it called BSF? If he's open at all, you could kinda try to compromise on Lutheran? But that's a pretty big jump for a Catholic :( I wouldn't break up a family over it, and I totally believe that Catholics can be Christian.... (like any denomination has Christians) Have you explained that you want to see a relationship with Jesus, during the week? (Is that an issue?) Anyway, I would proceed with love and caution and see if you can get some mediator type help along the way.

Just trying to understand because there are so many misconceptions. Please don't think I'm being rude or snarky.

 

Why would one not have a relationship with Jesus during the week if one is Catholic?

[Joanne]

Trying not to address the specifics............

 

I can't join the church we currently attend. Well, I *could*, but from an integrity point of view, I can't because I don't believe in their doctrine. I don't mind the worship itself, so that's less of an issue.

 

I'd be concerned/upset about a significant other getting pissy about my spiritual walk. You might be able to minimize his reaction but not making it about him, or even Catholicism, but that another setting is what YOU need right now.

 

You might find a bible study, accountability group, small group setting that fills your need for non-Catholic Christian fellowship and study.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

The only thing that holds me there is that I do believe the bread and wine become the actually bread and body of Christ as is written in John 6.

 

I don't like all saints and statues and rosaries and novenas. I also have issue with having to see a priest to have my sins forgiven. I fully believe in 1John 1:9 "If we confess our sins he is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

 

 

I'm a cradle Catholic that became full-fledged atheist until a personal revelation came from God. I just had to go back to church but which one? For months, I refused to go back Catholic, but that's where I was lead. It's been a few years now, and I still agree with what you wrote, which I quoted above. I'm glad I went back to the Catholic Church, because I do believe and I even crave the real body of Christ.

 

I don't like the statues for the most part, but I'm able to ignore them. I don't pray the saints for intercession, I don't do novenas, and I just can't get into the rosary. I went to confession once in all those years more because I needed to clear my status within the Church, than to get confession from God - which I believe I already had. I haven't been to confession since.

 

All this to say that you're not alone, others are working through those problems, for some, it's enough to switch churches, for others it's not. I don't see those issues as a deal breaker personally. My priest knows where I stand, and he is still hiring me as the parish secretary. You can be a good Catholic and not do any of the above. Your relationship with God is what matters, not statues.

[nono]

how do you tell dh you're not pleased with his Catholic faith and you want something different.?

 

Well, he doesn't own it. ;) And, if you were confirmed, it's your Catholic faith too.

 

I'm not being nit-picky, but you made some choices and became part of the faith too. He might get upset because denomination shopping isn't something that's all that familiar to a lifetime Catholic (or any other denomination, I suppose). To be confirmed into the Catholic church is a pretty permanent act. It might be threatening to him to think that your premanent acts aren't so permanent.

 

Personally, I still consider myself Roman Catholic. I've been confirmed nowhere else. I worship at an Episcopalian church, for a variety of reasons. It doesn't mean I'm closed to ever moving back to full RC status. It's where I'm at now. Any way you could embrace something like finding the right particular place of worship for you at the moment without having to renounce anything?

 

:grouphug:

[kimnc]

I don't not like the Catholic church. The only thing that holds me there is that I do believe the bread and wine become the actually bread and body of Christ as is written in John 6.

 

 

This is the thing that separates Catholics from non-Catholics. The center of the Catholic Church IS the Eucharist.

 

I don't like all saints and statues and rosaries and novenas. I also have issue with having to see a priest to have my sins forgiven. I fully believe in 1John 1:9 "If we confess our sins he is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

 

You don't have to pray to the saints or say the rosary to be Catholic. They are very popular devotions, but not mandatory. The saints and Mary are there to help us get to Jesus, nothing more.

 

It really sounds like you have some misunderstandings about what the Church teaches. (Lots of people do, including many cradle Catholics.)

A few things that may help;

1) pray before the Blessed Sacrament. If there is a church that has Adoration near, I would go there. You can just go an sit, or read the Bible, or pray or guidance. The important thing is to be open when you go.

2) There are some really good books out now that help explain and clarify some of the things you mentioned. Check out Scott Hahn, Jeff Cavins, Peter Kreeft, or Steve Ray. (Especially Scott Hahn's books, they are very clearly written and enjoyable to read.)

 

I hope you will be open to learning more about the Church, rather than just leaving because you are dissatisfied with some of the things you mentioned. Either way, I wish you peace.

[Carol in Cal.]

 

I don't not like the Catholic church. The only thing that holds me there is that I do believe the bread and wine become the actually bread and body of Christ as is written in John 6.

 

I don't like all saints and statues and rosaries and novenas. I also have issue with having to see a priest to have my sins forgiven. I fully believe in 1John 1:9 "If we confess our sins he is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

 

 

 

As far as I know, the other churches that believe that the bread and wine become the actual body and blood of Christ are the Lutheran, Orthodox, and maybe Anglican ones. None of these are represented by the "formerly protestant" writings of Scott Hahn--he was more Reformed and doesn't seem to be familiar with Lutheran or Anglican teachings, although he claims to be.

[emeraldjoy]

Is there a Charasmatic Catholic group in your area? You may find that it is a better fit???? maybe....?? just throwing it out there.

e

[simka2]

I spent several years actively posting on message boards for people on their way out of my church of origin. Although my husband and I left together, many posters had spouses who stayed in the church. Based on that experience, I offer these two pieces of advice:

 

1. Go slowly.

 

2. Don't burn bridges.

 

In other words, I wouldn't tell your husband that you don't like the Catholic Church, never have, and here's why. ;) (Not that you would probably intend to say it like that, but sometimes discussions like these get heated.)

 

Make this about you and your spiritual needs, not about the Catholic Church.

 

I disagree that you need to have a place to run toward before you move away. I think after attending one denomination for so long, we honestly don't know what is out there to run to.

 

Maybe suggesting something like you (just you) attending a different church one Sunday a month? Try out lots of different kinds and see what resonates with you and what doesn't. There is no rush to find a replacement church. Take your time exploring.

 

Best wishes. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

 

OP, I do not totally understand your reasoning, but I do understand the need for something different. I will tell you a story about a friend and myself. We were both looking into EO, but the only church she had access to that would benefit her and her family, was a Catholic Church. As we have both journeyed our somewhat different paths I have been pleasantly surprised by how many of my misconceptions have been resolved. That is not to say there are not Catholics who believe these things themselves, but that doesn't neccesarily make their beliefs dogma. Not sure if that makes sense?

 

 

Too me, all of the things you stated have to do with a religious culture and it's tools towards a deeper spiritual life. That doesn't mean you have to embrace them, all all the time.

 

I do hope you find what you are looking for. It is good to explore and really know where one fits. Sometimes when we look back we wear rose colored glassess. We only remember the really good of a previous enviroment. I am just rambling now ;).

 

Enjoy your journey!

[wapiti]

Catholics can be Christian.... (like any denomination has Christians)

 

:confused:

 

There are at least 4 Catholic churches in the immediate area where I live. Why not try another? They can be VERY diffferent from each other in terms of how they feel, and I'm not aware of ANY Catholic church that makes you say the rosary. My husband and I checked out at least six different churches before picking one. (two were a bit further than the first four) A lot of difference between them. And we still enjoy going to new churches when we're on vacation.

:iagree:

[Ellesmere]

I don't like all saints and statues and rosaries and novenas. I also have issue with having to see a priest to have my sins forgiven. I fully believe in 1John 1:9 "If we confess our sins he is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

 

I want to go to a different church some Sunday. But before I even figure out which on, how do you tell dh you're not pleased with his Catholic faith and you want something different.? My DH will get hissy and mad and tell me to go and do what I want but not to expect any participation from him...

 

Had to get this off my chest...

Jennifer

And with regard to the Rosary, I think that the Catholics would agree that it is not a requirement to be a Catholic. It is a healthy, beautiful devotion but it has not been around since the beginning of the Church and, to my knowledge, it is not mandated. I do understand the objections (I had them too!) and would never push the Rosary onto someone. And in the end, I hope you realize I'm just hoping to clear up possible misconceptions and not trying to convince you to stay in the Catholic church. :)

[unsinkable]

How about going to another type of service on Wed? A bible study at... is it called BSF? If he's open at all, you could kinda try to compromise on Lutheran? But that's a pretty big jump for a Catholic :( I wouldn't break up a family over it, and I totally believe that Catholics can be Christian.... (like any denomination has Christians) Have you explained that you want to see a relationship with Jesus, during the week? (Is that an issue?) Anyway, I would proceed with love and caution and see if you can get some mediator type help along the way.

 

I wasn't going to post in this thread because it seems like (to me, anyway) it could be a marital issue as well as a religion issue.

 

But I saw this statement that I bolded.

 

You've been here long enough to have read the multitude of threads about who defines Christianity. Why does this constantly have to be brought up? Catholics are Christian. Why is that still an issue?

[Joanne]

I wasn't going to post in this thread because it seems like (to me, anyway) it could be a marital issue as well as a religion issue.

 

But I saw this statement that I bolded.

 

You've been here long enough to have read the multitude of threads about who defines Christianity. Why does this constantly have to be brought up? Catholics are Christian. Why is that still an issue?

 

I agree. I don't even understand why it (bolded quote) would need to be included in any paragraph.

[Parrothead]

how do you tell dh you're not pleased with his Catholic faith and you want something different.?

This part has been bugging me all morning.

 

You say you have been attending 14 years and that you are in full communion with the church. If this is true, then it is your Catholic faith as much as your dh's.

 

Like anything else in the world, you will only get out of it what you put into it. You've spent, what? a third of you life as a Catholic? Have you ever fully embraced the faith or have you been paying lip service to it for all this time? If you went into it thinking all these things you've listed (and I'm sure there are more) are simply wrong then you haven't been true to yourself or the Church.

 

Maybe instead of giving up on the faith, you should fully embrace it. Find out what the teaching is about the sacrament of reconciliation. Learn and study and pray about the Bible verses that say yes, reconciliation is what Jesus taught. Your quoted verse (1 John 9) is not anti-reconciliation. If anything it upholds Jesus' words.

 

Do you know where the words of the Rosary come from? Do you know why Catholics believe the saints are in heaven? Do you know, really know, that Catholics are not worshiping the statues? Have you ever looked into where the novena comes from? Have you ever put more into your new faith than what you got out of RCIA?

 

Maybe, just maybe, you should consider embracing your Catholic faith instead of holding on to misconceptions taught to you in your early years.

Edited July 8, 2011 by Parrothead

[Parrothead]

I wasn't going to post in this thread because it seems like (to me, anyway) it could be a marital issue as well as a religion issue.

 

But I saw this statement that I bolded.

 

You've been here long enough to have read the multitude of threads about who defines Christianity. Why does this constantly have to be brought up? Catholics are Christian. Why is that still an issue?

I had a first knee-jerk reaction to this as well. But I realized that she meant it in the same manner as Baptists can be Christians, Methodists can be Christians. Everywhere one will find someone just giving lip service to Christianity no matter the denomination. Think cultural Catholics. The ones that show up on Christmas and Easter, but haven't been to reconciliation since their first. They may or may not (we can't know their hearts or God's mind) be Christian/Catholic.

[happyhappyjoyjoy]

When dh and I met, he was a cradle catholic, Church every sunday, had received all this sacraments. I was attending and loving a Southern Baptist church. We just did our separate things during the engagement (yes in hindsight that was not a good thing to do) and we would work it all out when we were married.I did ask him (once or twice if he was saved-he said of course he was as he went to church every sunday) So DH got a dispensation saying that he could marry a nonCatholic in a nonCatholic church. He signed something about doing his best to raise the kids catholic.

We married and have attended Catholic churches throughout the 14 years of marriage and 4 kids. I was confirmed into the Catholic church. My kids have all their sacraments in place.

 

I don't not like the Catholic church. The only thing that holds me there is that I do believe the bread and wine become the actually bread and body of Christ as is written in John 6.

 

I don't like all saints and statues and rosaries and novenas. I also have issue with having to see a priest to have my sins forgiven. I fully believe in 1John 1:9 "If we confess our sins he is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

 

I want to go to a different church some Sunday. But before I even figure out which on, how do you tell dh you're not pleased with his Catholic faith and you want something different.? My DH will get hissy and mad and tell me to go and do what I want but not to expect any participation from him...

 

Had to get this off my chest...

Jennifer

Jennifer,

I read this this morning, but I decided to wait and post after I went to morning mass. First, I want to say that my heart goes out to you with a bit of empathy. I was once engaged to a devout SB who loved Jesus with all His heart just as I did. We thought we could make it work, but when then we realized that neither was willing to give up our own church and we couldn't raise the kids that way. A few years later God brought me a wonderful WONDERFUL Catholic husband. I tell you this, so you know I somewhat understand what you are going through even though we made different choices.

 

You did decided to raise the children in your husband's church. Not only that, but you joined his church. I have been attending RCIA with a young woman I'm mentoring. I encouraged her to proceed as she would with marriage. This is a lifetime commitment just as a marriage vow. She decided she wasn't quite ready, but she still wants to come back next year. Can you step back and look at how you DID make a lifetime commitment to the Catholic church. And I'd add, I believe you probably did this for the good of your children. After my previous engagement ended, someone told me that children that grow up listening to their parents fight about religion are more prone to end up as athiests. As another poster stated, you don't have to pray the rosary or to the saints to be Catholic. You do believe in the Eucharist!!!!! If that is the only Catholic thing you pass on to your children that is awesome. Let your husband handle the traditions you are uncomfortable with.

 

As for confession, I could state other bible verses that Catholic theology shows refute what you said. I will simply link to the confession page on scripture catholic dot com here. This is the one area I'd encourage you to thoroughly study in your bible. I also encourage you to make sure you have a version of the bible that uses the word 'presbyters' in James 5:14, because otherwise James 5:16 is misinterpreted. On a personal note, I find it so interesting when outsiders to our faith view confession as a guilt trip or something that chains us down. I find so much grace, love, and freedom from the sacrament of confession. I have Protestant friends that attend accountability groups, and I would not be comfortable letting other people know what my struggles with sin are. I've seen people use information like that against each other. And these are all good Christians. When I go to confession, the priest doesn't even see my face, it is between me and God. I'm not saying I never talk to close friends or my husband about such things, but I find accountability groups a slippery slope to go down.

 

Finally, I've known some converts that found they preferred to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy instead of the Rosary. Neither is required, but you might look into that. This is how to pray it. This is the

of it sung on youtube. This is the

of it sung on youtube. I LOVE THIS ONE. It is always in my shuffle.

[happyhappyjoyjoy]

Also, Scott Hahn's book Lord Have Mercy would be a good read for confession. He is nothing short of a genius when it comes to the Bible. He's also a great writer.

[Jennifer]

Thank you so much for the replies. I did post late last night, while upset, so I apologize for spelling and grammar errors! I haven't read the replies, but plan to this evening. Just wanted y'all to know I'm not ignoring you!

Jennifer

[Trish]

Is there a Charasmatic Catholic group in your area? You may find that it is a better fit???? maybe....?? just throwing it out there.

 

 

Yes, those are neat, and it's a complete change of pace from the usual Catholic stuff. Many areas have at least one Catholic group of this type.

 

Also I didn't really care for the rosary myself until I read the Fatima story.

[ereks mom]

I had a first knee-jerk reaction to this as well. But I realized that she meant it in the same manner as Baptists can be Christians, Methodists can be Christians. Everywhere one will find someone just giving lip service to Christianity no matter the denomination. Think cultural Catholics. The ones that show up on Christmas and Easter, but haven't been to reconciliation since their first. They may or may not (we can't know their hearts or God's mind) be Christian/Catholic.

 

Exactly. :iagree:

[happyhappyjoyjoy]

One more thought for you:

 

Even though my DH and I are both Catholic, we don't always have the same spiritual needs. Just as we have different love languages we have different spiritual needs. I love listening to modern praise and worship....him not so much. I love going to daily mass and doing bible studies. We work with each other to balance our spiritual needs. Could this also be something to be addressed with the two of you? How can you connect spiritually together. A marriage encounter retreat might be a great place to start with that one.

[SonshineLearner]

Just trying to understand because there are so many misconceptions. Please don't think I'm being rude or snarky.

 

Why would one not have a relationship with Jesus during the week if one is Catholic?

 

Ewww. sorry... could be misunderstood, easily, what I meant. It doesn't mean that I think Catholics can't have a relationship. I could name other denominations that are thought of as "church on sunday" but not "relationship" with God. I think that Catholics can certainly have relationships with God and go more than "just cultural" church attending. I guess that for me, I have seen friends who are Catholic, and have a deep love for God... who He is... what he has done for them.... and then I have seen Catholics who don't. I have known Catholics who only do Mass... send their kids to catechism class.... and go through the motions, but don't live out their faith. I nannied for a Catholic family... and that's exactly how they were. I knew them well. I wouldn't judge if they were "Christian" or not, just that their life didn't have a "different look" than the world's. Does that make sense? (And, yes, don't think that I don't know other people.. in other "denominations" that are the same. (for purpose of this, pls understand that I'm using denomination, while understanding that the Catholic Church would not actually call itself a denomination....)

Summary: So, pls don't think that by commenting about this I'm saying that you as a Catholic don't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Just commenting about the different Catholics that I know or have known.

 

:)

[SonshineLearner]

BTW, thanks Chucki, for taking the best of what I meant; you were exactly right! I tried to say it well the first time... hopefully I clarified in a better way. Don't worry; I won't teach writing at co-op. Just an FYI, I specifically wrote our SOF so that Catholics (and EOs) could sign in good faith. (without going against Catholic beliefs) :)

[Parrothead]

Ewww. sorry... could be misunderstood, easily, what I meant. It doesn't mean that I think Catholics can't have a relationship. I could name other denominations that are thought of as "church on sunday" but not "relationship" with God. I think that Catholics can certainly have relationships with God and go more than "just cultural" church attending. I guess that for me, I have seen friends who are Catholic, and have a deep love for God... who He is... what he has done for them.... and then I have seen Catholics who don't. I have known Catholics who only do Mass... send their kids to catechism class.... and go through the motions, but don't live out their faith. I nannied for a Catholic family... and that's exactly how they were. I knew them well. I wouldn't judge if they were "Christian" or not, just that their life didn't have a "different look" than the world's. Does that make sense? (And, yes, don't think that I don't know other people.. in other "denominations" that are the same. (for purpose of this, pls understand that I'm using denomination, while understanding that the Catholic Church would not actually call itself a denomination....)

Summary: So, pls don't think that by commenting about this I'm saying that you as a Catholic don't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Just commenting about the different Catholics that I know or have known.

 

:)

Gotcha! :thumbup1:

The reason I asked is because I've seen that whole "personal relationship" used against Catholics as a way to get the badly catechized away from the church. "Come follow me and you can have a personal relationship with Jesus. Let him into your heart and all will be well." It makes me want to scream, 'You have a personal relationship with Jesus now! You have since you were baptized. If you aren't making the best of it now, what makes you think you will make anything of it as ____." :banghead::banghead:

[Parrothead]

BTW, thanks Chucki, for taking the best of what I meant; you were exactly right! I tried to say it well the first time... hopefully I clarified in a better way. Don't worry; I won't teach writing at co-op. Just an FYI, I specifically wrote our SOF so that Catholics (and EOs) could sign in good faith. (without going against Catholic beliefs) :)

Bless you!

[Kim in Appalachia]

I'll start off by saying that I was raised Catholic, but now I'm Reformed. I'm saying that to let you know that I do understand Catholic teaching, even if I don't agree with it.:001_smile:

 

From your post I hear two different things. The first is that you are uncomfortable with some of the Catholic Churches teachings, but you do agree with their understanding of the Eucharist. The Eucharist is central to the RC Church. If you agree with that, most everything else is not important. That is normally the biggest hurdle for non-Catholics. As for Confession (isn't is Reconciliation now?) you are (slightly) misunderstanding it. For the RC church grace flows through the Sacraments, which Confession is one part. It's not so much that only a priest can forgive your sin, and that you can't go directly to God, but that Confession is the means that God has established for Grace to flow to you as you repent. It is part of the process, just as the other Sacraments are. The Rosary, novenas, statues, and such, are not central to the RC church's teaching. They are secondary and really more of a tradition. You do not need to participate in them to be in communion with the RC church.

 

You seem like you are not satisfied with the church, and that you are looking for something else to fill a (felt) spiritual need. You are also frustrated because you know your dh will not join you in this. He is happy with his faith. He may be fine with you going elsewhere, but he does not want you to expect him to join you. You have to decide if you want to remain with him each Sunday or seek something else.

 

I do think that attending mid-week Bible study or Sunday evening service somewhere else may be a good way to explore your own feelings without alienating your dh. You also need to make sure that you are clear that you don't expect him to join you on this journey. He should not be made to feel guilty for keeping you in the RC church or for him wanting to stay.

[Lovedtodeath]

Trying not to address the specifics............

 

I can't join the church we currently attend. Well, I *could*, but from an integrity point of view, I can't because I don't believe in their doctrine. I don't mind the worship itself, so that's less of an issue.

 

I'd be concerned/upset about a significant other getting pissy about my spiritual walk. You might be able to minimize his reaction but not making it about him, or even Catholicism, but that another setting is what YOU need right now.

 

You might find a bible study, accountability group, small group setting that fills your need for non-Catholic Christian fellowship and study.

Do you mind... Can I ask you how that works? How do you attend but not join... what is the difference? Is your husband okay with that? Is he a member of the church? Are you worried about your kids learning the wrong things and their relationship with God being affected?

[Melinda in VT]

Do you mind... Can I ask you how that works? How do you attend but not join... what is the difference? Is your husband okay with that? Is he a member of the church? Are you worried about your kids learning the wrong things and their relationship with God being affected?

 

Not Joanne, but the only thing that changed when I officially joined my church after a couple of years of regular attendance was that I can now vote at church meetings.

 

My husband has no say in whether I join a church versus attend without joining. Why would he? ;)

[Lovedtodeath]

My husband has no say in whether I join a church versus attend without joining. Why would he? ;)

Thanks for the response. Well, mostly because my husband and I have a close relationship and discuss spiritual matters often and it means the world to me that we agree on things. If he didn't agree... (and I started looking into things well before he did, so I guess at first he didn't) well, it would be very hard on me just because of the lack of camaraderie. Make sense?

[Melinda in VT]

Thanks for the response. Well, mostly because my husband and I have a close relationship and discuss spiritual matters often and it means the world to me that we agree on things. If he didn't agree... (and I started looking into things well before he did, so I guess at first he didn't) well, it would be very hard on me just because of the lack of camaraderie. Make sense?

 

I understand the desire to be on the same page spiritually with your spouse. I also know that sometimes spouses are different spiritually, either because they started out differently or because they grew differently.

 

We definitely discuss church attendance and participation as a couple, and I do think it's important to come to an agreement that both partners can feel good about. However, *joining* a church (as opposed to attending) is a decision that I think has to be made by each individual.

[milovany]

Catholic/Protestant

 

I know I mention this somewhat frequently in this type of discussion, but not everyone who starts a post has seen it before: These two aren't the only options. Christianity is not just "Catholic or Protestant." There's also Eastern Orthodox in the equation, which by most accounts is considered one of the three major parts of the Church (Roman Catholic, Eastern Orthodox & Protestant). Some protestants (self included, before conversion) think of Orthodoxy as part of, or like, the Catholic church, just with an eastern/foreign flare, but this isn't the case. The Eastern church differs in some pretty significant ways from Western Christianity. (By the way, in Orthodoxy, the Eucharist is the center of the Liturgy, and is believed to be the real body and blood of Christ).

 

Anyway, just thought it worth a mention.

[Lovedtodeath]

However, *joining* a church (as opposed to attending) is a decision that I think has to be made by each individual.

I see what you are saying now. I totally agree. I think the main reason I asked (I remember now, the reason before being distracted by other comments) is because both parents have input on how their children are raised.

[Joanne]

Do you mind... Can I ask you how that works? How do you attend but not join... what is the difference? Is your husband okay with that? Is he a member of the church? Are you worried about your kids learning the wrong things and their relationship with God being affected?

 

Well, I guess I can answer but I have to give some background. DH came to the church as an adult, into a southern Baptist church. He was very, very active in the Promise Keepers in the 80's, during the height of that movement. 2 of his 4 sons remained staunchly Baptist (one was a missionary to Africa and is now in seminary). Another converted to Catholicism. The other is a believer, but not in a formal way.

 

DH didn't realize his "flavor" of Christianity was Baptist. :D Really. Well, I was attending a mainline Presbyterian USA church and he joined us there. I was a member (and also Deacon and Elder). He never joined; he didn't feel he could (mostly due to baptism of infant issues). We did get married by a woman Pastor, something that alternately scares and amuses him. :D This church didn't have much of a youth population - and given what my family has been through in the last 6 years, they needed one.

 

So, they started attending a very popular youth group of a contemporary Lutheran church (MS). Eventually, we started attending as a family and left my home church. None of us are members (my 2 oldest have "confirmed" in their Dad's Presbyterian church). We give (when we can ;)), the kids and DH volunteer (I truly can't, if you knew my schedule). I can't join, but everyone else in the family is welcome to if they want.

 

My kids are old enough that we talk about everything. If there is something "said" at this church I don't agree with, I talk to them about it. It usually goes along the lines of "many Christians believe __________. Here is what I believe and why."

 

DH has made it into grad school and is getting his M. Div.

:001_smile:

[Parrothead]

 

DH has made it into grad school and is getting his M. Div.

:001_smile:

Congratulations on grad school.

[Lovedtodeath]

Thanks for sharing! :)

My kids are old enough that we talk about everything. If there is something "said" at this church I don't agree with, I talk to them about it. It usually goes along the lines of "many Christians believe __________. Here is what I believe and why."

 

This is how we are trying to handle things, but my kids are a lot younger, so I am not sure how this is going to work.