Poll - Need Hive Opinion on Niece's wedding and rudeness

[Joker]

I think its rude. It doesn't sound like they're having a spa day with girlfriends since your 12 yr old is invited. I also think its rude just because it's so outside my idea of normal. I don't get the whole "it's HER day" thing. It's also the groom's day, and the father of the bride's day, and so on. (I think my own dad was way more nervous than I was.) Your mom, your sister and yourself have donated your time and money graciously and your mother only asked for aunt to be included in getting her nails done. I don't think it was an over the top request and I do think it was rude to say no.

[BeckyFL]

If you have a rule, and you don't invoke the rule, ESPECIALLY in a wedding, it will boomerang on you in ways you can't begin to imagine. It's for the wedding party, and no exceptions, or many many many exceptions. It's too bad, but that's just the way it is. Plus, it is rude to ever ask that someone else be invited. It puts the host/hostess in a terrible position. The best thing is to ask about inclusion in a roundabout way, so that no one has to have a confrontation.

 

I'm usually very direct (ask anyone!) but I've seen this go so sideways so often.

 

:iagree: I think it was really rude to ask that someone else be invited. I also think it would be really wrong of you to keep your daughter from going. This is a special day for the bride. It was an outing for the bridal party. I just think it's very rude from that standpoint. Don't cause extra stress for the bride because everyone's upset that they can't be a part of something for the bridal party when they aren't IN the bridal part. Sorry. That's my first reaction.

[Carol in Cal.]

I think its rude. It doesn't sound like they're having a spa day with girlfriends since your 12 yr old is invited. I also think its rude just because it's so outside my idea of normal. I don't get the whole "it's HER day" thing. It's also the groom's day, and the father of the bride's day, and so on. (I think my own dad was way more nervous than I was.) Your mom, your sister and yourself have donated your time and money graciously and your mother only asked for aunt to be included in getting her nails done. I don't think it was an over the top request and I do think it was rude to say no.

 

If I were going to guess, I would guess that she didn't want the 12 year old either. I would guess that she wanted a fun little time with her friends, and that she included the 12 year old because she is in the wedding party, and she drew the line there to keep this from being a free for all but also to keep from hurting anyone's feelings. If that is true, then she is already being somewhat gracious. Also, how did she formulate the wedding party in the first place? If it's all family members, she had already been more than gracious and inclusive. Lots of wedding parties include one token family member and a lot of 'good friends' of the bride and groom.

 

I think that it's rude to keep the 12 year old from this as she is in the wedding party. It's common (although I did not do it, personally) for a bride to hire a make up person to do make up for the whole wedding party, and this falls into the same vein, IMO. I also think it's awfully rude to lecture the bride about it. And I think it was rude of the mother to ask that the sister be included in the first place.

 

Everyone needs to step back and say, wow, this is a WEDDING. This is not Thanksgiving dinner. It's a WEDDING. There is a focus, and that is the happy couple. Everyone should try to go along with them and make this day happy and memorable, as it is truly a once in a lifetime occasion. That is how to be a supportive family. That is how to be kind and gracious. And it's clear that the OP has done this, in spades, by volunteering so much and allowing her daughter to be in the wedding party.

 

Then as this has turned up some other opportunities for fun, those should be pursued separately on another occasion. Why doesn't someone say, wow, great new idea, let's all get together every month or two and take this poor aunt out for a big group manicure and have a luncheon afterwards? Instead of piggybacking this onto SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING and making it into a big wedding issue when it's really a separate one.

Edited June 30, 2011 by Carol in Cal.

[SailorMom]

 

Then as this has turned up some other opportunities for fun, those should be pursued separately on another occasion. Why doesn't someone say, wow, great new idea, let's all get together every month or two and take this poor aunt out for a big group manicure and have a luncheon afterwards? Instead of piggybacking this onto SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING and making it into a big wedding issue when it's really a separate one.

:iagree:

[twoforjoy]

Then as this has turned up some other opportunities for fun, those should be pursued separately on another occasion. Why doesn't someone say, wow, great new idea, let's all get together every month or two and take this poor aunt out for a big group manicure and have a luncheon afterwards? Instead of piggybacking this onto SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING and making it into a big wedding issue when it's really a separate one.

 

:iagree: I think maybe look at this as an opportunity to find ways to be kind to this aunt at other times. If she'd enjoy manicures, then maybe setting up a "spa day" a few times a year would be a great way for the family to get together without expecting this niece to make exceptions for a wedding-party-only event.

[phathui5]

Why not have all of the "old folks" go together?

[twoforjoy]

I think its rude. It doesn't sound like they're having a spa day with girlfriends since your 12 yr old is invited. I also think its rude just because it's so outside my idea of normal. I don't get the whole "it's HER day" thing. It's also the groom's day, and the father of the bride's day, and so on.

 

I think that's exactly the problem. If she opens this up to the aunt, then how many other guests, maybe from the groom's side, will be offended that they didn't get invited? We just don't know.

[Carol in Cal.]

I think that's exactly the problem. If she opens this up to the aunt, then how many other guests, maybe from the groom's side, will be offended that they didn't get invited? We just don't know.

 

Exactly.

[texasmama]

:grouphug: Kari

 

I think that this brings up so many hard and hurtful and raw feelings for you. This event is viewed through the overlay of the loss of your son and his kindness and generosity to his family. That makes this an almost untenable situation for you personally. You will naturally view this family event juxtaposed to your son and all that he was in life and long for that in others...and long for him. I'm sorry for the compounded loss that this is the reminder of that. I'm sure you will handle the situation at hand with grace. Know that my heart is with you as you do, and I understand the depth of the event and that there is very much more "at stake" for you personally than just whether or not a sister attends a manicure. God give you grace and mercy. :grouphug:

[StephanieZ]

First off, that is a beautiful, telling memory you have of your last time with your son. I am so sorry you lost him. Sorry beyond words.

 

The more I read, the more I think your niece is being a cretin.

 

I think the "it's for the bridal party only" business is nonsense. This is not some official formal traditional thing, such as sitting at the head table (bridal party only) or whatever. Manicures have never been an Emily Post event. This is a made-up funsy event that can have *any rules the bride wants* and she has chosen to make, and vigilantly enforce, rules that hurt someone who deserves extra consideration. Thus, she's choosing to be a creep.

 

Now, that doesn't mean you can do anything about it. It's likely you'll just have to try to make the best of it and move on. . . But it won't change the fact that she is in the wrong, and she's doing an unkindness to your sister, and disrespecting you and your mom as well, since you've expressed this wish and she is denying it for no good reason. She *does* owe you consideration, for many reasons, *including* the fact that you've ponied up lots of $$.

 

I generally take the approach of "it's for the bride; just go along with whatever she wants". . . because that is the path of least conflict. . . but this is nuts. You might have to go along with it, but it doesn't make the niece any less of a jerk.

 

OK, I'm going to try to avoid reading this thread anymore, b/c I am not going to be the voice of harmony that I wish to be. :)

 

((Hugs))

Edited June 30, 2011 by StephanieZ

[Kari C in SC]

If I were going to guess, I would guess that she didn't want the 12 year old either. I would guess that she wanted a fun little time with her friends, and that she included the 12 year old because she is in the wedding party, and she drew the line there to keep this from being a free for all but also to keep from hurting anyone's feelings. If that is true, then she is already being somewhat gracious. Also, how did she formulate the wedding party in the first place? If it's all family members, she had already been more than gracious and inclusive. Lots of weddings include one token family member and a lot of 'good friends' of the bride and groom.

 

She planned the wedding party because her fiance has 8 friends. She struggled to find that many. She is including everyone one she has any friendship with. She has made it clear that she REALLY, REALLY WANTS my daughter to be there. That is the way she typed it.

 

I think that it's rude to keep the 12 year old from this as she is in the wedding party. It's common (although I did not do it, personally) for a bride to hire a make up person to do make up for the whole wedding party, and this falls into the same vein, IMO. I also think it's awfully rude to lecture the bride about it. And I think it was rude of the mother to ask that the sister be included in the first place.

 

My daughter is 12. I do not want her to get the idea that weddings are only about the bride and groom. I feel very strongly that if that is the case - they may as well elope. My niece has not hired anyone to do anything. Everyone is paying for their own nails. Everyone is paying for their own anything. We - my mom, my sister, and I have paid for all of the food and part of the decorations.

 

Everyone needs to step back and say, wow, this is a WEDDING. This is not Thanksgiving dinner. It's a WEDDING. There is a focus, and that is the happy couple. Everyone should try to go along with them and make this day happy and memorable, as it is truly a once in a lifetime occasion. That is how to be a supportive family. That is how to be kind and gracious. And it's clear that the OP has done this, in spades, by volunteering so much and allowing her daughter to be in the wedding party.

 

My niece originally planned the wedding for 11am. Then she planned her flight out at 3pm for their honeymoon. She then had to change it to 10am so they could be at the airport by 1pm. The reason for needing to leave on their honeymoon so early in the day... because they can't WAIT for the "fireworks". I thought it was tacky to plan a wedding for 10am and leave your guest by 1pm at the latest remembering how long photos take, but I let that slide. There are so many things that have been done that it is just the mounting of things.

 

Then as this has turned up some other opportunities for fun, those should be pursued separately on another occasion. Why doesn't someone say, wow, great new idea, let's all get together every month or two and take this poor aunt out for a big group manicure and have a luncheon afterwards? Instead of piggybacking this onto SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING and making it into a big wedding issue when it's really a separate one.

 

My niece that is getting married lives 7.5 hours away. My other two nieces live 14 hours away in a different place and my other sister lives 13 hours away. It is not as simple as let's get together at another time. Again, my mother is 71 and my sister is in poor health. Long drives are not easy. It is quite an ordeal to plan it, take them, etc.

 

 

.

[abacus2]

No, not rude at all. A bridal party outing should be a bridal party outing unless the bride wants to do things differently.

[Mama Geek]

Let your dd go and don't hold hard feelings. It isn't that big of a deal that not everyone is together to have their nails done.

[CAMom]

Let's say we have a profound difference of opinion on this matter. If a bride can't extend kindness to a family member (one who could clearly use some given her life's circumstances) it does not speak at all well to her character or her maturity.

 

I can't imagine this sort of behavior.

 

Bill

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

In fact, the more I read Kari's updates, the more my blood pressure rises and the more I feel like I'm going to cry. And I am not a crier.:crying:

 

Auntie is good enough to pay for part of the wedding, she is good enough to make fruit boats, she's good enough to ride 7.5 hours to an event that will last a couple of hours. But, it's not worth it to have her join in for the manicure?:confused:

 

Really? This scene seems OK? "Hey Aunties and G-ma! You guys stay back and work to create something nice for my wedding while every other female in the family goes to have a hen party." I do not get it!

 

Especially in light of what this family has experienced recently! Did the niece not get any idea of how fragile life is and that making family memories is precious?

 

I understand wedding drama (I had plenty of my own). I understand boundaries. But, I don't think this has anything to do with either of those things. It's not like this is "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" where the family has taken over every detail. It's a simple manicure appointment that a generous aunt would really enjoy.

 

Really, really makes me want to :crying:.

[Spy Car]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

In fact, the more I read Kari's updates, the more my blood pressure rises and the more I feel like I'm going to cry. And I am not a crier.:crying:

 

Auntie is good enough to pay for part of the wedding, she is good enough to make fruit boats, she's good enough to ride 7.5 hours to an event that will last a couple of hours. But, it's not worth it to have her join in for the manicure?:confused:

 

Really? This scene seems OK? "Hey Aunties and G-ma! You guys stay back and work to create something nice for my wedding while every other female in the family goes to have a hen party." I do not get it!

 

Especially in light of what this family has experienced recently! Did the niece not get any idea of how fragile life is and that making family memories is precious?

 

I understand wedding drama (I had plenty of my own). I understand boundaries. But, I don't think this has anything to do with either of those things. It's not like this is "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" where the family has taken over every detail. It's a simple manicure appointment that a generous aunt would really enjoy.

 

Really, really makes me want to :crying:.

 

Ronette, you have expressed my feeling better than I can. I need to stop reading this thread as I'm finding it deeply upsetting.

 

Kari, I wish you and your sister and your mom were part of my family. You are beautiful people :grouphug:

 

 

Bill

[Old Dominion Heather]

All "protocol" aside, a wedding is supposed to be a celebration shared with family and friends. I don't get all the exclusive group parties and events.

 

I could nitpick the specifics to pieces and maybe come up with different conclusions, but I just keep thinking, "What's the big deal with having an aunt along?"

 

And if the husband-to-be also has an aunt? Or maybe five aunts? Or a hateful cousin who wants to come? Or maybe someone in the family who is hateful to everyone and will go out of her way to make people uncomfortable? (I have one of those.)

 

Where do you draw the line? Either no one but the bridal party can come or ANYONE who wants to can come. You can't pick and choose without hurt feelings. Those are the rules and adults are not too special to follow the rules.

 

Everyone is invited to the wedding. She has met her family obligation.

[catz]

I look at it like this - the last time we saw our son before he was killed in a car accident - he took us all to Disney World. It was me, my dh, our 2 other kids, Grandma, Auntie, and 3 of our son's friends. He rented us rooms at Shades of Green. I thought he would probably ditch us and go hang with his friends. After all he had been in Alaska and then Iraq for a year. Why would he want to hang with a mixed group of a 4 year old to a 69 year old? Well, for 6 days he and his friends walked around with us. Slowly, much more slowly than a bunch of 20 year olds could run around Disney. He did it because he loved his family and he knew that FAMILY is what it is all about. So, yes, I am emotional about it and probably a little crazy about it. But I just always ask myself - if today was MY last day - would i be proud of the way I treated my family? I know my son was.

 

That is a wonderful story. What a sweet young man. I think it's just good to let go of things you cannot control. This is a young bride and maybe her mother has pushed her buttons one too many times. I wouldn't assume malicious intent directed at you or your sister. Personally, I got married a little older and was very laid back about this kind of thing. I would have included everyone and anyone. Just know this girl has some growing up to do and rise above it. The fact is there are many people in their 20's that have some work to do on priorities. I did and I'm glad I was a little older when I got married. Hopefully your niece is willing to make changes to be part of a lasting marriage. Make a special memory for your sister and you with your daughter.

[SnowWhite]

Like so many others, I voted, "Not Rude."

 

IMO there is room for brides to have little bridal party events just for the bridal party.

 

Yes, Kari, you and your sisters and mother are going above and beyond in your provision of so much money and labor for the reception.

 

The problem comes when people expect because *they* have gone above and beyond that others should too.

 

Personally I spent the day of my wedding absolutely alone and devastated because I was so. I wanted badly to go help my family work on the reception, but was told I was not allowed, because I was the bride and needed to rest and relax. I would have been thrilled to get to spend a couple of hours chilling with my bridesmaids.

[Carol in Cal.]

And if the husband-to-be also has an aunt? Or maybe five aunts? Or a hateful cousin who wants to come? Or maybe someone in the family who is hateful to everyone and will go out of her way to make people uncomfortable? (I have one of those.)

 

Where do you draw the line? Either no one but the bridal party can come or ANYONE who wants to can come. You can't pick and choose without hurt feelings. Those are the rules and adults are not too special to follow the rules.

 

 

 

Especially likely since the groom has 8 attendants.

Edited June 30, 2011 by Carol in Cal.

[WishboneDawn]

I think the problem with this whole thing is context. You brought the question here with a certain scenario and within that scenario a lot of us thought it wasn't rude. The longer the thread the more detail gets added that casts the act in a less admirable light but we are just getting one side of this.

 

Regardless, your feelings on this matter are up to you, not us.

 

I don't think there's a lot more to be gained by continuing to hash out the issue here. Some disapproval from some of us, some justification from others, but it doesn't help you let your neice know you were hurt or help those of you that were excluded feel better. It's just more steps on a treadmill. I think that at this point the more you bring up here and the more we argue over it the worse you're going to feel.

 

Time to get back to the folks IRL. Forgive (or not) the neice and plan a girl's night out for you, your mom an your sister. :)

[AvasMom]

It's probably just me but when reading all the background posts I started to really get the feeling that this girl has been guilted into a lot of things over the years and just doesn't want to deal with it on her wedding plans. Now she's the target family member because she stood up to it maybe?

[Renthead Mommy]

.My niece originally planned the wedding for 11am. Then she planned her flight out at 3pm for their honeymoon. She then had to change it to 10am so they could be at the airport by 1pm. The reason for needing to leave on their honeymoon so early in the day... because they can't WAIT for the "fireworks". I thought it was tacky to plan a wedding for 10am and leave your guest by 1pm at the latest remembering how long photos take, but I let that slide. There are so many things that have been done that it is just the mounting of things./QUOTE]

 

Okay, THAT is just crazy! How are they going to have a wedding AND a reception AND get to the airport in three hours? That is nuts! A wedding that is big enough to have 16 attendents (right? you said he's got 8 so she needs at least 8) is going to take awhile. Then you have to travel to the reception. I'm guessing there isn't a regular cocktail hour since it will be about 11am, but still you normally use most of the cocktail hour doing photos. Most receptions are booked in 4 to 5 hour blocks.

 

So by the time the wedding is over the photos, they'll have maybe an hour at the reception? But they still have to change and then leave for the airport? Are they even planning on coming to their reception at all?

 

As for the orginal issue, I'm confused. Is it the bride that said the aunt couldn't go, or was it the bride's sister that set it up that said no? I think that makes a different too.

[Danestress]

but I do think it is selfish and sad. It sounds like your sis would really enjoy something like that, and it sounds like your mother would be pleased to know her daughter had that pleasure. Is it so hard to do the kind thing for a family member who has suffered a great deal and would be so thrilled by such a relatively small thing?

 

In my family, you would never get away with that, lol. Bride or not, is something mattered a great deal to an aunt who has been part of your life and part of your wedding, you just suck it up. Later your niece will regret this. Right now she probably doesn't get it. If I were her mother, I would tell her she probably ought to include your sis because otherwise she will look like a brat, and who wants to look like a brat when she is trying to look like a princess?

 

Sorry, Kari. I wish your sister were being treated with more kindness.

[Impish]

I've reread the OP, b/c something has been bothering me.

 

First, it was the bride's SISTER, not the bride who arranged for the manicures, and told Grandma, when Grandma wanted to have Aunt invited that it was wedding party only.

 

So, when did the bride get involved? Did Grandma then call the bride b/c she was told no?

 

I also don't understand why its now a family issue. Why didn't it just stay btwn Grandma and the first niece (not the bride)?

 

Just seems like this snowballed at some point.

[Supertechmom]

HI! I wanted to jump into the fray and comment about the possible reason behind the manicure. :leaving:

 

As a high end photographer of weddings back in the days before ankle biters and shin kickers curtailed the career, one itsy bitty thing would pretty much guarantee an increase in my sales of the photos. Professional manicures and pedicures.

 

My point is that back then we encouraged (heck we demanded and told the bride it had to be done LOL!) everyone in the bridal party to go and get their nails done together to get the same color and look for the wedding. The difference it makes in the final product is a MAJOR. A very minor thing that when the whole party does it, makes the final portrait SING. You know ,you see those photos that make you go "WOW Those are wonderful" and you see those photos that make you go "Wow those are cute." Usually it is because of a thousand little details all being in sync and harmony. I imagine that over the years this has trickled down the pipe and most brides have some idea that they and the wedding party should have their nails done to match.

 

Maybe the bride doesn't want anyone else to have the same shade. I am sure the aunt/sister/ relative would wind up getting her nails the same color. Maybe it is the little distinction that all those other non-invited close family female members on BOTH sides will get their panties in a wad over and be pissed at the wedding when they see that one special auntie got to wear the same shade as the others (and don't even try to analyze that SpyCar, As my 14 year old says women are crazy and sometimes you just gotta let the madness run its course and just stay out the way)

 

Not saying it's right or wrong or who should do what here. Just throwing out a very real possibility. I have seen weddings where the guest noticed nails that matched the bridal party and the fur begin to fly. We often said we charged our prices because we were wedding counselors and many a time had to have therapy session to get everyone in the same picture. Something so little might very well be someone's else's ticking time bomb and the other's straw that broke the camel's back. You've got enough drama it sounds like on wedding day. When she realizes her very tight time frame and the rush and blur, things aren't going to be sunshine and butterflies anyway.

[cathmom]

I, conversely, would not want to be the person who behaved so unkindly toward loved ones. Including the Aunt because she felt "forced into it" wouldn't speak highly of the bride's character either. It is sad she wouldn't want to include a person who had sacrificed for her and could probably use some human kindness and do so from a place of genuine affection.

 

Sad.

 

Bill

 

I 100% agree with you, Bill.

 

I've gotta say, I'm 100% with Bill also. And I am so sorry again for your loss, Kari. I agree, the wedding is not about the bride. I really wanted to have my rehearsal dinner at my parents' house. That way anyone could come, it would be cheaper, etc. But then I realized that it was important to my future mil to have it at a nice restaurant, and I changed my plans. And BTW, I was only 23.

 

Try to let it go, Kari. I know it must be so hard! :grouphug:

[WishboneDawn]

I've reread the OP, b/c something has been bothering me.

 

First, it was the bride's SISTER, not the bride who arranged for the manicures, and told Grandma, when Grandma wanted to have Aunt invited that it was wedding party only.

 

So, when did the bride get involved? Did Grandma then call the bride b/c she was told no?

 

I also don't understand why its now a family issue. Why didn't it just stay btwn Grandma and the first niece (not the bride)?

 

Just seems like this snowballed at some point.

 

:iagree:

 

It really should have ended when Grandma hung up the phone. :confused:

[WishboneDawn]

HI! I wanted to jump into the fray and comment about the possible reason behind the manicure. :leaving:

 

As a high end photographer of weddings back in the days before ankle biters and shin kickers curtailed the career, one itsy bitty thing would pretty much guarantee an increase in my sales of the photos. Professional manicures and pedicures.

 

My point is that back then we encouraged (heck we demanded and told the bride it had to be done LOL!) everyone in the bridal party to go and get their nails done together to get the same color and look for the wedding. The difference it makes in the final product is a MAJOR. A very minor thing that when the whole party does it, makes the final portrait SING. You know ,you see those photos that make you go "WOW Those are wonderful" and you see those photos that make you go "Wow those are cute." Usually it is because of a thousand little details all being in sync and harmony. I imagine that over the years this has trickled down the pipe and most brides have some idea that they and the wedding party should have their nails done to match.

 

Maybe the bride doesn't want anyone else to have the same shade. I am sure the aunt/sister/ relative would wind up getting her nails the same color. Maybe it is the little distinction that all those other non-invited close family female members on BOTH sides will get their panties in a wad over and be pissed at the wedding when they see that one special auntie got to wear the same shade as the others (and don't even try to analyze that SpyCar, As my 14 year old says women are crazy and sometimes you just gotta let the madness run its course and just stay out the way)

 

Not saying it's right or wrong or who should do what here. Just throwing out a very real possibility. I have seen weddings where the guest noticed nails that matched the bridal party and the fur begin to fly. We often said we charged our prices because we were wedding counselors and many a time had to have therapy session to get everyone in the same picture. Something so little might very well be someone's else's ticking time bomb and the other's straw that broke the camel's back. You've got enough drama it sounds like on wedding day. When she realizes her very tight time frame and the rush and blur, things aren't going to be sunshine and butterflies anyway.

 

Another good point and this may have been exactly what the bride or bride's sister had in her head. Not that this was a fun girl thing to do but this was just something they were doing to get ready for the wedding. She may not have even factored in what the Grandma's impression may have been.

 

Frankly there's sooooo much room for misinterpretation here and it's taking such an effort and so much background detail to make this into something to get upset about that I sort of think it might be time to just give up on taking offense and just enjoy the day.

[Kari C in SC]

I've reread the OP, b/c something has been bothering me.

 

First, it was the bride's SISTER, not the bride who arranged for the manicures, and told Grandma, when Grandma wanted to have Aunt invited that it was wedding party only.

 

So, when did the bride get involved? Did Grandma then call the bride b/c she was told no?

 

I also don't understand why its now a family issue. Why didn't it just stay btwn Grandma and the first niece (not the bride)?

 

Just seems like this snowballed at some point.

 

The bride got involved because she called my mom to tell my sister no.

[Impish]

The bride got involved because she called my mom to tell my sister no.

Sorry, Kari, I was confused b/c your OP reads that her sister told your mom no to start with. I didn't realize that your sister was even aware of your mom trying to get her invited.

[roxanne23]

.

Edited January 4, 2023 by roxanne23

[OrganicAnn]

It was rude of the bride (or bride's sister) to talk about a party (manicure party) to someone that wasn't invited to the party (ie GM). No wonder GM was excited and say Auntie would enjoy it. Once it was clarified though, I think GM, Auntie and you should make plans to get your own manicures and try not to cause too many waves before the wedding. The bride is probably a little crazy from the stress.

 

So I think it was rude to talk about a fun event with people you aren't inviting to the said event. I don't think it was rude of her to say no (but not the kindest thing to do).

 

I would also cut the bride some slack because you don't know who from the groom's family she might be trying to keep out with the wedding party only line.

Edited July 1, 2011 by OrganicAnn

[Osmosis Mom]

What happened to basic human decency and kindness? This exclusivistic "wedding party only" mentality is hurtful and unkind towards loved ones.

 

What a shame.

 

Bill

 

I agree. I think it is extremely selfish and self-absorbed behaviour. Jeepers. Of course I would not make a fuss over it for the sake of the bride and would excuse it on her being immature, and, well, selfish and self-absorbed...