ColoNative Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 When I get a babysitter, I expect them to find their way here and home. We also don't watch TV so I expect the babysitter to actually spend time and play with my boys. I pay really well because I know we have expectations more than some people. However, it seems every time we come home the babysitter has cleaned up nothing. My two older boys are old enough to clean up, so it's not expected that she clean up by herself....but I do not think I should pay what I pay and come home to a dirty house - I'm not talking just a few things out - there has nothing been put away, and LOTS taken out.....am I expecting too much? When I used babysit, I would always make sure the kitchen was clean, the toys and books put away, etc....this doesn't seem to be happening these days so just wondered what others experiences are? Thanks for your input! Melody Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 If your babysitter is a minor you have to at least consider transportation issues. Around here it is common for the husband to go pick up the babysitter and take her home. If she serves dinner to the kids, she should tidy up but she shouldn't have to wash dishes and mop. (I did when I babysat but I do think it is above and beyond the call of duty.) If she puts the kids to bed, the family's regular habits of tidying up should be observed as part of the rituals she has to go through in getting them down. (I mean supervising and helping kids with picking up toys and hanging up towels.) It is your responsibility to have conversations at hiring time about what exactly the job entails. Spell out for her exactly what you expect, but don't be surprised if some girls don't even do this stuff at home and won't do it for you. Lastly, I think this is important: If you find a girl you really, really trust with your kids, and your kids like her, and she is reliably on time, etc., let the cleaning part go rather than lose her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 She is babysitter, not a maid. I am alright with your expectations regarding independent transport, no TV, actually spending time with children - but not alright with the expectations that she clean, unless you have previously agreed upon it. In my view, it is not something that goes without saying and you need to specify if that is important to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaceman Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Do you tell them you expect cleaning/tidying? I usually didn't as a babysitter. One time I straightened a pretty messy playroom when the kids were asleep. I was proud and it looked nice; the parents seemed awkward and never hired me back. I think it put them off guard, or like I was judging them. Parents want different things, I would suggest being very clear about what you expect up front to avoid disappointment all around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 As far as cleaning goes, the rule of thumb I went by was to make sure things were as they'd been left. Surely nobody could object to that. I never let kids get anything out that I wasn't willing to clean up (or supervise cleaning up). If Mom comes home to a house that looks like a tornado hit she will wonder why she hired someone to take care of things! As a teen babysitter, I always told parents that I'd try to hand the house and family back to them in the state I'd found it, but if the kids needed my attention (fussy baby, etc.) the kids would get it, even if the kitchen table never got cleared. I never had a parent disagree with that attitude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 If they eat a meal I would like the dishes to make it to the sink, but I'm not super-picky about a babysitter cleaning up while they are watching the kids. I'd rather her attention be on my 2yo than on wiping the table. When I babysat as a teen I didn't always tidy things up. If I was just there for a few hours I wasn't really cleaning. There were a few summers during which I kept children full-time while their parents were at work. I did clean the kitchen, run the vacuum, and do a quick tidy of the living area before Mom and Dad came home from work, but that was agreed upon from the outset and, after all, I was there full-time, all summer long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 As with any job, let them know before hand what your expectations are. If they don't want to meet those expectations, they don't have to work for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kipling Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 I would expect the house to be in a similar condition to how I left it. I would not expect the babysitter to do cleaning above and beyond straightening up. Like pp have said, when you make arrangements with the babysitter to sit, mention that you would like her to help the kids clean up before you return home. However, if she doesn't clean up, I agree with the other poster that if you like her and trust her and she does well with your kids, let the cleaning go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cupajoe Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 I don't think cleaning is part of the deal! You're paying her to watch your children...that's what babysitting is. :) I'm with you, though, in reference to no TV, playing with kids, etc. I have 3 dc who babysit, and I always, always, always reiterate to them that they are to PLAY with and supervise the children. That is their job. I expect my kids to "earn their pay." Sitting in front of a TV doesn't cut it. As far as transportation, it depends on the situation. First and foremost, if the job is in walking distance, my kids walk! We live on a military installation where there are a lot of deployed soldiers. I will, often, drive my children to babysitting jobs IF they are too far to walk to and IF the soldier is deployed. I don't want a mom to have to drag her kids out of the house to pick up and drop off the babysitter. However, if the soldier is home and it is too far to walk, then I'd rather not go out myself! I don't in any way feel *obligated* to drive my children to babysitting jobs, and it has never been expected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemongoose Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 As a former nanny, I appreciated fair expectations that were spelled out. I could not read minds. 1. Transportation: if you have a babysitter that does not have a license, you cant expect that she will always have transportation. Sometimes the times you need her are not going to be convenient for her parents to get her to you. With my non-driving sitter, it often works out that her parents drop her at my house and I take her back home. 2. Clean up: I did tidy up as much as possible when I nannied (sp?). However (not saying this is the case with you) more often than not, the house was already a mess when I arrived. The parents often felt they were getting a BOGO day. Housekeeper and babysitter for the price of one! So they left their dinner or breakfast dishes (the worst had parties the night before), the kids toys were already all spread out, and the house was in overall mess. When they came back they expected I would have everything cleaned up for them. I think that it is a fair expectation that she should help direct the kids to clean up a toy when they are ready to move to the next one and that she should at least rinse the dishes and leave them neatly in the sink (or the dishwasher) if she is making a meal. Other than that, you would be asking a little much. She is there to look after your kids, not clean the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 She is babysitter, not a maid. I am alright with your expectations regarding independent transport, no TV, actually spending time with children - but not alright with the expectations that she clean, unless you have previously agreed upon it. In my view, it is not something that goes without saying and you need to specify if that is important to you. I think she's talking about picking up what was messed up while she was there, not beforehand...right? I definitely think she needs to have the house in the same condition she found it. I totally agree with you, Melody! That was always a HUGE pet peeve of mine. Babysitters that the kids like are easy to find (they like most of them), but ones that pick up are rare. So I just made it clear from the FIRST time they came that I wanted it picked up. But I usually tried to put it on my kids (so it made us all more comfortable). "Can you please make sure that the kids pick up and put away everything they get out? They know they are to make sure the games are stacked neatly on the shelf, etc. A few times when we've had sitters they have tried to get away with not picking up and I wasn't happy about that!" Also, I don't know if you've told your sitters specifically (sounds like you have), but I tell them I don't allow the TV on when the kids are awake. Again - blame it sort of on the poor kids: "Oh, and the kids know the TV is not to be turned on at all when they have a sitter. Of course feel free to watch it once they're asleep". I don't at all feel like I should let the tidying up, etc. go and should just feel thankful my kids like them. I am paying $10/hour to these kids who are not old enough to otherwise get a real job (or maybe barely) and that's a heck of a good rate! So I expect them to do a GREAT job for me. If I just wanted them to do a fair job (make sure house doesn't burn down or kid doesn't get hit by car while lying on couch watching TV), then I'd pay $5/hour. Don't get me wrong - I'm no mean ogre to these girls! I'm super nice and they love babysitting for us. I don't expect anyone to clean a mess that was there before they arrived. Just don't let the kids get out games and puzzles and leave things scattered about! Or leave dirty dishes on table. Please rinse and stack on counter. Seems to me like a pretty good deal for $10/hour, especially considering about 3 of the hours my kids will be in bed sleeping and she can then lie on couch watching TV. The thing that is tricky for me is the whole texting thing. I know almost all teens have a cell phone and are used to constantly texting. I would REALLY rather they didn't do that at all while they are watching my kids. If nothing else just because it shows a lack of interest in the kids to have them on their phones. If they had a "real" job they would not be allowed to text. And what real job can they earn as much money (and tax-free) as they can babysitting?! This is a great gig for them. So far I have not gotten up the nerve to say anything about this, and my oldest is almost 12 so we're almost done with sitters. But it makes me sad to see kids at the park with sitters, and the sitter is completely ignoring them because she's texting on her phone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 If Mom comes home to a house that looks like a tornado hit she will wonder why she hired someone to take care of things! Of kids, not of things. :tongue_smilie: So if kids are well, safe, fed, happy, healthy and in bed... does it really matter what is the state of things, if you did not agree on the specifics in advance? Another reason to agree on everything in advance, I guess, LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 2. Clean up: I did tidy up as much as possible when I nannied (sp?). However (not saying this is the case with you) more often than not, the house was already a mess when I arrived. The parents often felt they were getting a BOGO day. Housekeeper and babysitter for the price of one! So they left their dinner or breakfast dishes (the worst had parties the night before), the kids toys were already all spread out, and the house was in overall mess. When they came back they expected I would have everything cleaned up for them. :blink: What is wrong with people?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 My mom wouldn't let me babysit for anyone who wouldn't come and get me and get me home safely. If they lived down the street, she was ok with my walking there in daylight, but once it was dark she expected them to make sure I was home safely. It does help to make things very clear. I had parents tell me 'not to bother' with cleaning up. That felt weird to me. One family I worked for told me specifically NOT to clean up because they wanted me to just spend my time with the kids. One mom got annoyed because I emptied the dishwasher after the kids were asleep and I didn't put everything back in the exact correct spot. One family had a much messier house than I lived in. This is not a judgement, my mom is a clean freak, and I remember thinking that once I started picking up I wouldn't know where to stop. I liked the family that instructed me to supervise and help with cleaning up anything the kids took out and told me to leave any dirty dishes in the sink. At least I knew what was expected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Of kids, not of things. :tongue_smilie: So if kids are well, safe, fed, happy, healthy and in bed... does it really matter what is the state of things, if you did not agree on the specifics in advance? Another reason to agree on everything in advance, I guess, LOL. :iagree: If nothing was spelled out, I do think an evening that ends with safe and well-tended kids should be counted as a success. It is certainly true that nothing can be assumed in this degenerate age. Teen babysitter shouldn't assume parents will come home sober or at a reasonable time, so she needs to ask about those details (and make sure she has emergency info, etc.) And the hiring mom shouldn't assume that the teen babysitter will do anything but park herself on the couch and make a half-hearted attempt at keeping the kids alive, unless she spells out specifically what the job entails. bluemongoose reminded me that my experience in this area is more than 20 years old. Ack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristinannie Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 My house is much messier when I get home and my DH or MIL is watching the kids so I wouldn't expect much more from a babysitter, especially if you have a few kids or young kids. She is much less experienced and able to multitask. Plus, if the kids can't watch TV, then she might be playing with them the whole time and not have a free chance to clean up. Just my 2 cents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 If they had a "real" job they would not be allowed to text. Really? Cause all my friends are texting back and forth with their husbands all day long. I promise you, everyone has 'real' jobs. Like professional jobs with salaries and assistants and everything. Heck, I am online while my kids are upstairs playing with legos. I could just as easily be a babysitter right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 (edited) I would expect to provide transportation if the babysitter was a teenager and it was an unreasonable distance to expect them to walk, after dark, or otherwise unsafe (exception being if I was a single parent and it wasn't feasible for me to provide transportation). I would expect someone old enough to drive (with some leeway in the teen years) to arrange their own transportation, but would definitely discuss that up front. I would assume that no cleaning would happen and that the kids would spend an inordinate amount of time watching TV/videos unless I explicitly stated boundaries in that regard. However, I would expect those boundaries to be followed if I did state them. Edited June 24, 2011 by ocelotmom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 When I babysat as a teenager, I always had the house looking like it was when the parents left. If we took out toys or a game, we put it away when we were finished playing. If we ate a meal or snacks, I would either 1. put the dishes in the sink, 2. wash them if soap/sponge/drying rack were evident, or 3. put them in the dishwasher if they had one and I could tell the dishes in it were dirty. I would hope, but not expect, that a babysitter would do these things. I would much rather come home to happy kids and a messy house than unhappy kids and a clean house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 There is a difference between cleaning and picking up what got taken out while the sitter was there. I do not expect cleaning but I do expect sitters to supervise the kids putting away anything they took out while I was gone. I do not expect them to put away toys that were already out or deal with dishes. When we get a sitter I frequently have the kids already eating dinner when the sitter arrives - in that instance I expect the sitter to put away any uneaten food in the fridge, and to supervise the kids clearing their own plates and cups to the sink. No expectation of actual dish washing. As for transportation - that depends on age. I would never expect a sitter's parent to drop off and pick up. I do prefer and try to only hire sitters that can drive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 I don't think there's anything wrong with telling the sitter that she needs to supervise the kids tidying up. However, there's no way I'd expect a sitter to find their own transportation, and when Diva starts babysitting in the next few yrs, they'll either do pick up and drop off, or find someone else. That includes walking her home if they're near by. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ColoNative Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 Thanks for the responses - I should have clarified some things - we usually find college age kids so the transportation issue is taken care of. I'm pretty picky about who stays with the kids, so it's not a matter of not asking someone back because they didn't clean. I just wondered if "in general" babysitters do general picking up or not. I was taught to always clean the house up and leave it in at least as good of condition as when I arrived (of course, not above taking care of the kids!). Secondly, I never expect her to clean things that were not cleaned up when she got here - I was only talking about things they use, get out, etc....my house is almost always clean so there aren't extra things to put away. I wouldn't expect anyone to clean up my mess - just the mess they make....basically picking up after oneself. Melody Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 It is certainly true that nothing can be assumed in this degenerate age. Teen babysitter shouldn't assume parents will come home sober or at a reasonable time, so she needs to ask about those details (and make sure she has emergency info, etc.) And the hiring mom shouldn't assume that the teen babysitter will do anything but park herself on the couch and make a half-hearted attempt at keeping the kids alive, unless she spells out specifically what the job entails. :grouphug: The concept of a sort of "personal culture" when it comes to these matters seems to be a very strange one for many people unless things are spelled out clearly. That is why in some places you have rules, for example, that you should get up in the public transport and renounce your sit in favor of an elderly person or a pregnant woman - because, see, it is no longer common sense and a sort of inner civil duty, it has to be mandated. So the same thing with sitters and kids. This is a non-issue if you have "normal" people - a family which has taught their kids the importance of picking up after themselves (so the sitter has a minimal role in supervising that), a sitter who is not strictly by-the-book either (and will not allow dirty dishes remain on the table even if it is not specified in the contract, but because of - I don't know - personal culture? that would not allow her to tolerate it? lack of formalism and "I do only what you requested, never ever anything else" attitude?), and generally a situation in which nobody seeks to "exploit" anyone (neither parents basically expecting a maid AND a sitter for the price of one, nor a sitter who does nothing). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 (edited) Really? Cause all my friends are texting back and forth with their husbands all day long. I promise you, everyone has 'real' jobs. Like professional jobs with salaries and assistants and everything. . I'm talking about teenagers working at a department store or other minimum wage job. I guess I don't know for a fact, but I'm assuming "no using phone except for an emergency" is a rule. I worked at the YMCA for the past couple of years and that was the rule there. As I said, what I don't like is the situation I see at the park where the sitter is not playing with the young child (age 2-4) at all, and completely ignoring child and engrossed in texting. Makes me feel sad for the child who is trying to talk to the (very uninterested) sitter. I think they'd get the message pretty quickly that they are not too important or interesting to sitter. I also imagine that teens probably spend a heck of a lot more time texting than adults do throughout the day. Edited June 24, 2011 by HeidiKC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaAkins Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Personally, I think you should assist with transportation. As a parent of a babysitter, I will often offer to do 1 way of transportation (my daughter is 13), if they will provide transportation home. I think you should clearly state your standards for any potential babysitters. (i.e. - there will be no tv. We expect you to play with our kids. We expect the toys to be put away, etc). Also, you need to make sure that your children are aware of these standards. Often kids will behave differently for the babysitter than they would for their parent. How old are the babysitters that you are using? How old are your children? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ColoNative Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 I'm talking about teenagers working at a department store or other minimum wage job. I guess I don't know for a fact, but I'm assuming "no using phone except for an emergency" is a rule. I worked at the YMCA for the past couple of years and that was the rule there. As I said, what I don't like is the situation I see at the park where the sitter is not playing with the young child (age 2-4) at all, and completely ignoring child and engrossed in texting. Makes me feel sad for the child who is trying to talk to the (very uninterested) sitter. I think they'd get the message pretty quickly that they are not too important or interesting to sitter. I also imagine that teens probably spend a heck of a lot more time texting than adults do throughout the day. I did have this happen - one college age girl was babysitting for us and the boys were all over the place and I happened to come in to see what was happening - she was sitting on the counter texting....totally unengaged with the kids - and she was making $12/hour! She was never invited back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 :grouphug: The concept of a sort of "personal culture" when it comes to these matters seems to be a very strange one for many people unless things are spelled out clearly. That is why in some places you have rules, for example, that you should get up in the public transport and renounce your sit in favor of an elderly person or a pregnant woman - because, see, it is no longer common sense and a sort of inner civil duty, it has to be mandated. So the same thing with sitters and kids. This is a non-issue if you have "normal" people - a family which has taught their kids the importance of picking up after themselves (so the sitter has a minimal role in supervising that), a sitter who is not strictly by-the-book either (and will not allow dirty dishes remain on the table even if it is not specified in the contract, but because of - I don't know - personal culture? that would not allow her to tolerate it? lack of formalism and "I do only what you requested, never ever anything else" attitude?), and generally a situation in which nobody seeks to "exploit" anyone (neither parents basically expecting a maid AND a sitter for the price of one, nor a sitter who does nothing). Thread drift: Thank you for this! I have been trying to nail down an idea in my mind for awhile now: What you have called personal culture I have been calling the inner compass. As in, "I believe that person is operating entirely without some kind of an inner compass." Or, "If he has an inner compass, it must have been designed by MTV." That is what I find so difficult about navigating through 2011. I don't have a problem with varying worldviews. I can accept different opinions and backgrounds. I can't seem to accept all of the unstudied, untested, random opinions and decisions. Find a perspective, people, and commit to it! Choose a culture and claim it, if you are not so fortunate has to have been handed one when you were born. (And, I'm sorry, but television is not a culture.) This judgment of mine may be un-American. I'd rather a Salad Bowl than a Melting Pot. They say that identifying one's problem is half the battle...I might be getting closer... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ColoNative Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 Personally, I think you should assist with transportation. As a parent of a babysitter, I will often offer to do 1 way of transportation (my daughter is 13), if they will provide transportation home. I am obviously going to go against the grain here, and I probably am in this camp alone, but I pay babysitters really well, and I expect to not have to go pick up them up and/or take them home for that very reason. I don't know of any other "jobs" where the "employer" picks them up or takes them home. I personally won't hire anyone who I have to pick up or take home....guess that's why I look for college age babysitters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemyboys Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 If your babysitter is a minor you have to at least consider transportation issues. Around here it is common for the husband to go pick up the babysitter and take her home. If she serves dinner to the kids, she should tidy up but she shouldn't have to wash dishes and mop. (I did when I babysat but I do think it is above and beyond the call of duty.) If she puts the kids to bed, the family's regular habits of tidying up should be observed as part of the rituals she has to go through in getting them down. (I mean supervising and helping kids with picking up toys and hanging up towels.) It is your responsibility to have conversations at hiring time about what exactly the job entails. Spell out for her exactly what you expect, but don't be surprised if some girls don't even do this stuff at home and won't do it for you. Lastly, I think this is important: If you find a girl you really, really trust with your kids, and your kids like her, and she is reliably on time, etc., let the cleaning part go rather than lose her. :iagree: AND pay her well. Throw in a bit extra if you were longer than you thought or it was a long sitting period or if things are especially well done. I was very conscientious as a sitter too, but the most important thing to me as a parent now is that my dc are well taken care of and like the person they're with. Iow, I'd rather have him/her sitting on the floor playing games with them than washing dishes, kwim? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 I am obviously going to go against the grain here, and I probably am in this camp alone, but I pay babysitters really well, and I expect to not have to go pick up them up and/or take them home for that very reason. I don't know of any other "jobs" where the "employer" picks them up or takes them home. I personally won't hire anyone who I have to pick up or take home....guess that's why I look for college age babysitters. I think it is reasonable for college aged girls to provide their own transportation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 When I get a babysitter, I expect them to find their way here and home. We also don't watch TV so I expect the babysitter to actually spend time and play with my boys. I pay really well because I know we have expectations more than some people. However, it seems every time we come home the babysitter has cleaned up nothing. My two older boys are old enough to clean up, so it's not expected that she clean up by herself....but I do not think I should pay what I pay and come home to a dirty house - I'm not talking just a few things out - there has nothing been put away, and LOTS taken out.....am I expecting too much? When I used babysit, I would always make sure the kitchen was clean, the toys and books put away, etc....this doesn't seem to be happening these days so just wondered what others experiences are? Thanks for your input! Melody My first question would be if you have communicated these things to the sitter and possibly the parent? It almost needs to be written out in black and white so there is no misunderstanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mellee Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 My dd15 babysits for many families and often parents call to schedule her and are bummed she has already been booked by another family. Before she started babysitting we talked about expectations...kids are first, house back to how it was second, tv or texting third. When babysitting and kids will be in bed prior to parents returning she picks up (like the dishes) after bedtime, but when parents are out for just the afternoon sometimes there is no time to pick up because of taking care of the kids (think about how many times we as moms can't even get it done before dad gets home). I have rules for transportation and some parents don't hire because of it and that is fine...I drop off always, figuring mom needs to be getting ready to go out and I require that the mom bring her home...NEVER the dad, no matter who he is...deacon/elder/pastor/close family friend/totally awsome trustworthy guy/someone we don't know well/military hero/our bank manager...I had more than one creepy dad drive me home when I was a teen babysitter and don't allow my daughter to be put in that situation...I let the moms know that should something come up and she is unable to drive our daughter home (consumed alcohol, need to take care of kids upon returning home, etc) all she needs to do is call and I will come pick up my daughter, no problem. I think when expectations are clear at the onset everyone had a chance of being happy Oh, and before she babysits for a family for the first time (of someone we don't know) we always arrange to come by a day or two in advance to meet the kids see how they behave with mom there ask questions and I get a chance to see the family dynamic a bit, if either of us walk away uncomfortable we cancel the job. I don't feel it is fair to put a 15 y/o in a position to watch a child that even the mother can't control, after all even though she is responsible she is still young and problem children can be very stressful and no one benefits from that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 I think it is reasonable for college aged girls to provide their own transportation. I think that isn't something one can assume. There are two college in town. I know lots of people who hire students to babysit. It is totally normal for the students to not have a car and they need a ride. Now, one might only hire students with a car, that is fine. But, that makes it harder. It tends to be the underclassmen who babysit and they often don't have cars. I didn't have a car in college. Heck, I didn't have a car when I was a young professional. I babysat all the time for the kids of people I met through work. They always provided me with a ride. But I was a really, really good babysitter so people were willing to do whatever to get me. I had a vast babysitting empire in high school and college. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 When I babysat I always returned the house to the state in which I found it. Anything the kids got out on my watch the kids put back under my supervision. If I fed the kids a meal I put the dishes in the dishwasher that were used to prepare and eat the meal. If there wasn't a dishwasher or the dishwasher was full, I scraped and rinsed the plates and left them in the sink. I put away any food items I got out and cleaned up any spills or crumbs that were a result of eating while I was there. I never watched TV or talked on the phone-I played with the kids. Before I could drive the hiring family drove me to and from their house. There were several times I did not get a job because I couldn't get there myself. If you don't want to do the picking up and dropping off let that be clear from the very beginning. I have relatives near by who watch my kids, so I've never needed a sitter, but we always drive our kids there and pick them up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 (edited) I would not expect that a teen or college student would necessarily have her own transportion. I can remember being picked up and taken home for sitting jobs in both high school and college; it was rare that my parents transported me (they probably did more transporting for me for full-day summer sitting jobs, same as they would if I'd worked at McDonald's, than for evening sitting jobs, though they always said that if I was concerned that the parents had been drinking or something, they'd come get me), and it was only a couple of years that I was able to drive myself. I'd expect that the sitter would at least clear the table and put dishes in the sink, for any meals/snacks she'd fed the children. Same with toys or activities; if they were gotten out while she was on duty, it would be nice if they weren't still sitting out, but you might need to tell her that. "After dinner, you can just leave the dishes in the sink, and I'll put them in the dishwasher later. Please have the children clean up any toys they get out before bed." That way, it's polite but firm. (Helps to say that in front of the children too, especially if they're old enough to pull the, "Mom didn't say we had to" thing.) But if the baby or toddler was especially needy or something, I wouldn't be too worked up about a mess; I'd rather the children be comforted instead. Personal things should wait until the children are in bed/napping, but when I was a full-time nanny, it was perfectly acceptable for me to read, pay my bills, etc. during naptime, and if the kids were playing happily, nobody minded that I talked to my husband occasionally on the phone, or if he came over for a bit (the kids liked him and thought he was a great playmate -- he was!). But that's a bit different from an occasional sitter; I did not talk on the phone or have a friend/boyfriend over when sitting when I was a teen. If the sitter is very good, and you feel comfortable with her otherwise, maybe just give her a few gentle guidelines. Maybe she is unsure of messing up your personal tidying system, or maybe she's not bothered by mess and doesn't realize that you are. ETA: For college students, it might depend on the situation. I went away to college and lived in the dorms. Freshmen aren't allowed cars, and even for upperclassmen, it's expensive and fairly difficult to have a car. Bus transportation only works so well. I worked in the campus daycare and babysat for a couple of the families on the weekends; it was handy when I was able to borrow my boyfriend's car to drive myself, but none of the parents ever expected that and always asked if I needed a ride. For a college student living at home, though, that might be different -- you'd assume that that student would be driving him/herself to campus, or to a different job. Edited June 24, 2011 by happypamama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 She is babysitter, not a maid. I am alright with your expectations regarding independent transport, no TV, actually spending time with children - but not alright with the expectations that she clean, unless you have previously agreed upon it. In my view, it is not something that goes without saying and you need to specify if that is important to you. :iagree:with every, single word. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 We usually have family babysitting and it's 50/50 on the cleaned up stuff depending how deeply in play they are when we get back. I will say that when I babysat I usually only did so for one family. When I wasn't available they'd hire someone else and make the same complaints you did. The other person never washed up, never cleaned up toys, etc. I don't know, maybe many children aren't taught how to clean up these days? I know I have a niece who only learned to do laundry and clean bathrooms at 16. I think it was a true oversight because it was ratified quite quickly. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Well I've now been on both sides of the fence . . hiring a sitter and now I have a 15 yr dd who babysits. Rides . . in all my experience around babysitting (including when I did it) rides were included. Occasionally I'll offer to drive my dd but that's my offer not the expectation. My dd always is picked up and driven home (sometimes she's close enough to walk and does). Clean up . . . that annoyed me too but I had the same experience. Rarely did the sitter clean up. I remind my dd to tidy up after herself or after a meal, if she's expected to be there at meal time. Do you relay your expectations to the people you're hiring? If so, and they don't do it, then don't hire them back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 She is babysitter, not a maid. I am alright with your expectations regarding independent transport, no TV, actually spending time with children - but not alright with the expectations that she clean, unless you have previously agreed upon it. In my view, it is not something that goes without saying and you need to specify if that is important to you. This. And if we are talking teens 16 and up and certainly if we are talking college students - it's important to remember they most definitely can get a job paying more than what you are paying per hour that is more steady income. $10 an hour sounds like a lot to us. But it's what? Once or twice a month for a maid and sitter? I can't get a maid to do very light house cleaning twice a month for less than $15 an hour. Those same teens or college kids can get a job in retail with an employee discount, steady shift and paycheck and no diapers or dishes for $7+ an hour.:). Honestly it is HARD to find older teens and college kids to babysit bc the pay and expectations just aren't worth it to most of them compared to other jobs out there. I would put it on my kids to pick up and tell the sitter to remind them at such and such point. (The kids know where everything goes, please make sure to tell them to pick up before bed.) Also keep in mind the allure of babysitting for many high school/college aged folks is they can study and do homework while at "work". It's viewed as not very good pay, but an easy job of making sure the kids don't kill each other, are fed, put in bed, and generally just being present for resolving sibling arguments, basic first aid, and supervision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 It's not too much to expect the things you want (clean up the mess that she makes, provide her own transportation, etc). It is too much to expect the sitter to know intuitively that you want these things done. Back when I was babysitting, cleaning up after oneself was a given, but most kids aren't raised to think about that kind of stuff now (unfortunately). The clearer you are about expectations at the outset, the happier everyone will be. As a babysitter, moms picked me up in high school and even some in college before I got a car. My parents were never expected to pick me up or drop me off. As a parent, I definitely pay more for a sitter who has her own transportation than for one who does not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 When I sat, lo those many moons ago, I always tidied up. Dishes in the washer, gave the room a vacuum, what not. But there was this one woman who would have me sit and her house would be *trashed* and she expected me to clean it. No freakin way. I never went back again. There was a baby sitter I loved, who my kids loved who trashed my house. :glare: But she was *such* a good babysitter, and my children loved her so much that I eventually told them (as they got older) they have to not allow that to happen. There was nothing worse than me coming home from a wonderful evening and having to spend hours cleaning before I went to bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Can I just say that the last sitter we had did our dishes unexpectedly. I was floored. I've certainly never had that happen! But, yeah, agreed with others. I expect the house to be in basically the same shape as I left it, but I usually convey that to the sitter. And I have provided transport to sitters before - even college kids. While I feel perfectly safe walking in my neighborhood at night, I know some people don't. College kids don't usually have cars around here. I don't mind dropping someone at the subway station a few blocks up if they're uncomfortable walking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemyboys Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 My dd15 babysits for many families and often parents call to schedule her and are bummed she has already been booked by another family. Before she started babysitting we talked about expectations...kids are first, house back to how it was second, tv or texting third. When babysitting and kids will be in bed prior to parents returning she picks up (like the dishes) after bedtime, but when parents are out for just the afternoon sometimes there is no time to pick up because of taking care of the kids (think about how many times we as moms can't even get it done before dad gets home). I have rules for transportation and some parents don't hire because of it and that is fine...I drop off always, figuring mom needs to be getting ready to go out and I require that the mom bring her home...NEVER the dad, no matter who he is...deacon/elder/pastor/close family friend/totally awsome trustworthy guy/someone we don't know well/military hero/our bank manager...I had more than one creepy dad drive me home when I was a teen babysitter and don't allow my daughter to be put in that situation...I let the moms know that should something come up and she is unable to drive our daughter home (consumed alcohol, need to take care of kids upon returning home, etc) all she needs to do is call and I will come pick up my daughter, no problem. I think when expectations are clear at the onset everyone had a chance of being happy Oh, and before she babysits for a family for the first time (of someone we don't know) we always arrange to come by a day or two in advance to meet the kids see how they behave with mom there ask questions and I get a chance to see the family dynamic a bit, if either of us walk away uncomfortable we cancel the job. I don't feel it is fair to put a 15 y/o in a position to watch a child that even the mother can't control, after all even though she is responsible she is still young and problem children can be very stressful and no one benefits from that Way to go, Mom. Sounds like you've got an excellent team together. I have no doubt that more than one of the dads driving me home was tipsy or flat out drunk when I was a teen. It was another era .... Much better to protect our dear dc. : ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Entropymama Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 If your babysitter is a minor you have to at least consider transportation issues. Around here it is common for the husband to go pick up the babysitter and take her home. I hate to sound negative, but in this culture having a grown man drive a teenage girl around alone is asking for trouble. Of course, that means I get stuck picking up and dropping off the babysitters, but that's better than an allegation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ByGrace3 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Of kids, not of things. :tongue_smilie: So if kids are well, safe, fed, happy, healthy and in bed... does it really matter what is the state of things, if you did not agree on the specifics in advance? Another reason to agree on everything in advance, I guess, LOL. While I do agree it is often a communication issue, I would say it matters to me the state of my home when I get back. Honestly, I pay $10/hour for a sitter so I can go out to eat on a date night with dh, not to come home to have to wash dishes they used and put away toys they played with. My kids go to bed between 7:30-8 so there is usually plenty of time for the sitter to take 10 minutes to clean up. My main expectation is that the kids are safe and cared for, but it is nice to have the sitter pick up/direct the dc to pick up, etc. I have had wonderful sitters that my kids loved, but that left a disaster. Honestly, I don't tend to have them often. I hate spending all that money to get home and work more. I paid for a sitter to get a break. However, I have a wonderful sitter that LOVES my kids, plays with them, cleans up, cooks if I ask her to (mac and cheese, spaghetti, etc) always cleans up, bathes the dc and has them in bed when I get home. She is worth every penny and more I pay her (and she is a high school student). My kids adore her, we adore her, and I will miss her greatly when she goes to college! :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I hate to sound negative, but in this culture having a grown man drive a teenage girl around alone is asking for trouble. Of course, that means I get stuck picking up and dropping off the babysitters, but that's better than an allegation. You are right, that is not a sound practice. I shouldn't have mentioned it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I am obviously going to go against the grain here, and I probably am in this camp alone, but I pay babysitters really well, and I expect to not have to go pick up them up and/or take them home for that very reason. I don't know of any other "jobs" where the "employer" picks them up or takes them home. I personally won't hire anyone who I have to pick up or take home....guess that's why I look for college age babysitters. Certain jobs have certain expectations. Based on responses on this thread, I'm not alone in thinking that providing transportation for a babysitter to watch your children is a usual and customary thing. I have also heard of people providing transportation to teenage boys to come and do lawn maintenance. Now, if I hired a professional company out of the yellow pages, I wouldn't expect to provide transportation. I just see this as two very different situations. I'm a college student and I met many young people in my classes who didn't own cars. They couldn't afford the extra expense. Most of them worked some part-time job to make ends meet, like having money for food when their meal card was used up. Of course they also wanted 'fun' money. Obviously transportation is something that should be discussed up front when hiring someone, just like salary and expectations. I hired a regular nanny for a year and her having her own transportation was most definitely a requirement. She was expected to take my children out to activities and my DH and I needed our cars to get to and from work. I don't equate nannying with babysitting though. I've never needed a babysitter to take my children anywhere except in the yard to play. Babysitting can't be compared to this, but there are employers who provide transporation for employees. I worked in a company that gave company cars to employees as part of their salary package. The employees had to turn the cars back in when they left the job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mellee Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I hate to sound negative, but in this culture having a grown man drive a teenage girl around alone is asking for trouble. Of course, that means I get stuck picking up and dropping off the babysitters, but that's better than an allegation. this kind of trouble could go both ways... 1 - the man could make advances on the teen girl OR...and we have seen this happen and it took 10 years for the truth to come about after ruining a marriage and family of our youth pastor 15 years ago 2 - the girl accuses your husband of doing or trying misdeeds that never happened I have found the best way to protect my family is to drive my daughter to the job and have the mom bring her home and to always pick up or drop a sitter and not have my hubby do it. I trust my hubby but know that a false allegation tarnishes and is impossible to undo, sadly. Is it a hassel? Sure, but knowing I have done all I can gives me peace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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