TracyR Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 This year we went ahead and let our children give private school a try. They enjoyed it (granted I did not). But the school this year has closed down their 7th and 8th grade due to lack of children. So my daughter's first and last year was this year. So of course we live in the middle of no where. Where we have a Catholic school for Prek-6th then your only other option is sending your kids to the MIddle/High School. There is only one. No school choice out here. The public high school has the monopoly on schools out here. But , there is a but. Its the worlds most despicable place. It just keeps getting worse and worse and worse. My oldest would be the target for teasing and ridicule. She is a strong kid but at the same time her feelings can be hurt very easily , especially now that she is 13 an hormonal. I can't justifying sending her there. This year the teachers began encouraging the kids to steal things out of classrooms and rewarding them. But of course my daughter is afraid she won't ever see her friends again. Which she know may or maynot be the case. Not because we would homeschool. Just because she knows if she isn't in the same building with them they will no longer be her friends ( which may likely happen because its the way people are around here). Making friends with homeschoolers in our area is extremely difficult. If you aren't part of the 'cliques' your just out of luck. Anyways, so my daughter feels she is going to try and make my life miserable this summer until I cave in and let her go. But I just can't. I feel very strongly about not allowing her to go. But then my husband feels that if she is going to act this way that we should let her go and find out for herself. So what would you do? My husband and I have sat down and talked to her about it many times. Letting her know how we feel, why we feel the way we do and that she can still stay in contact with her friends. I told her if they are her true friends they will stay with her no matter where she learns. But you just can't reason with a 13yr old I'm learning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Personally, I would get in touch with all of the friends' parents and make sure that we find time for the kids to see each other. I wouldn't offer school as an option, but that's because it wouldn't work well for our family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 My kids don't have a choice, and faced with a school like you described, would definitely not go there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 IMO, kids do not have the wisdom, maturity, or enough of the big picture to make a choice like that. So, while I do everything I can to make sure their social needs are met, institutional school is not an option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 I do get their input and listen to their concerns. They want to be homeschooled. Some days, I don't want them to be! ;) But when I bring up sending them to school they act like that is a fate worse than torture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 I would only allow a choice between two (or more) things that are good for my child. It doesn't sound like this situation would meet that requirement. (I'm sorry about your dd's friends but they don't sound like true friends in any sense of the word.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 I am one of those old school type homeschoolers (Pioneer) that believes children were designed by God to learn best in a family structure, so an institutional setting is not an option for us. If it were an option and I had the convictions about it being a bad choice for her based on the reasons you gave, I have to say I'm also the old school type parent that thinks parents should decide what is best for minor children when it comes to their learning environment, so I wouldn't let her choose where to attend. I'd keep her home. At my house there are consequences for behavior that "makes my life miserable" all summer. I would let her know she can choose to be civil in our house while hsed and I will make sure I do everything in my power to let her see her friends as often as I can, or she can choose to "make my life miserable" and she will not see her friends at all-not once until the attitude changes. She should not be allowed to get what she wants by behaving badly-it will just encourage it in the future with other things in addition to this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartosunshine Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) My daughter wanted to go back to ps so we gave her the choice for this upcoming fall (8th grade). The school is a good school & nothing like the one you described. With that said, I do plan to be very involved (I've already warned her, she rolled her eyes) and watch everything like a hawk! I agree with a previous poster about getting together with friends. That has been critical for my daughter these past few months to make her feel "in the loop". Also, :grouphug:. It's not easy having a 13 year old girl! ETA: My son, however, loves homeschooling & tried to talk my dd out of going back! He said, "Who cares about friends, you'll get the best education at home!" He's 11 & we've only been homeschooling since Jan. :) Edited June 8, 2011 by heartosunshine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Only my dd13 ever wanted a choice and I didn't mind her making it, as long as there was no real harm in it. She attended some school of every school year from Kindergarten through 5th grade. The only year she stayed in completely was 3rd grade. She was the one who always wanted to quit again and I always found her reasons valid. However, when she left 5th grade to return to homeschooling, I put my foot down and told her NEVER again. It had reached the point where I felt her life would be negatively influenced. I did have to work hard at finding her social opportunities. Eventually we found a place that offers homeschool classes and she became friends with a few girls. That has been enough to keep her happy, thank goodness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 :grouphug: dd#3 turns 13 this week. i remember her older sisters.... i take input, but at that age, i decide things if i think they will have long term consequences, or short term catastrophic potential. in your case, i would tell dd that she is homeschooling next year, and that there isn't a choice. it can be pleasant or horrible, but it is the way it is. i would also ask her what activities her friends are involved in, and see if she can't join them for an activity. some schools let homeschoolers take band or do sports, for example. i wouldn't offer it until i knew it might be possible. maybe they all go to a church youth group? good luck; its not so fun, but early clarity cuts down the whining here... fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Kids can't make decisions based on the bigger picture. There's no way I'd send my child to a school like you described. But no, as it stands now, my kids will not have a choice on whether they go to school or not. I homeschool for a variety of reasons, but most of all so that they are not around many questionable children, bad teachers, and I can teach them to live for God. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 I told her if they are her true friends they will stay with her no matter where she learns. But you just can't reason with a 13yr old I'm learning. As adults, we see that plainly. It's more difficult for kids to understand. The truth is that she's probably right. These kids band together. They are in constant contact and share all experiences and have in-jokes, etc. Your dd would have to be available all the time after school and on weekends to keep in the group, or they will just drift away from her. I don't think it's even conscious in a mean way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 no, I do not allow my kids to choose. Mine tried that crap about 2 years ago. Lots of drama and whining about how miserable she was how she had no friends blah blah blah. (this was after almost all our church homeschool friends went back to school and their moms went back to work. I was feeling pretty lonely and bummed too) I also got to hear about how real school was all sunshine and rainbows and our house was the equivalent of the dungeon of a castle. She still things that school is sunshine and rainbows, but she's cut the drama. We got super involved in 4-H and found another homeschool group to be a part of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Nope. Brick and mortar schools are not an option in our home. But we are old-time homeschoolers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 PS is not the devil in our house; it's simply an option among many. Some ps are better than others. Same with private schools. Hs'ing has its drawbacks, too, as well as benefits. In other words, we don't approach the subject of his education as if it's a zero-sum game; I think that's a rather simplistic way of looking at the different choices. With our son, I take his opinion into consideration. I don't want him to be miserable, and I consider socialization to be an important aspect of our decision-making process. At this juncture, we make the decision, and he's basically fine either way. I'm sure when he's older, he'll want more say, and we'll have a discussion together about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 PS is not the devil in our house; it's simply an option among many. Some ps are better than others. No one said that it was the devil. She's looked at their public school and has seen that it is not better than the others but is worse. She's doing what she should do, checking things out and making informed opinions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 No one said that it was the devil. She's looked at their public school and has seen that it is not better than the others but is worse. She's doing what she should do, checking things out and making informed opinions. I never claimed she looked at ps that way. However, I have seen several posters on the board refer to ps with a particular disdain and disapproval that regards ps as having no redeeming value, and by default, almost evil. Thus, my statement to clarify that the basis of our decision-making isn't predicated on ps'ing as being "Not even being an option to begin with," but as actually presenting a viable choice among several. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsbaby Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 There just would not be a discussion here. My child would not go to a school like you described. However, I would be prepared to go above and beyond to help my child maintain current friendships and get her involved in some sort of club/extra-curricular to make new friends. Good luck! 13 is hard.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracyR Posted June 8, 2011 Author Share Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) Thank you everyone for your advice. That little tidbit I shared was only the tip of the iceburg. I have heard so many things and even seen so many things that it just makes your hair stand on end. And the sad part is people accept things just the way they are. I could share with you the things I know of and it would just make your jaw drop. Its not just encouragement of stealing by teachers, but : parents don't care what their children do. Granted I'm sure there must be some parents who are involved but they are far and few between. Drugs, just recently a girl that we know that is homeschooled told us a story about a kid coming to class with weed in his bookbag. Dropped his bag on the floor and the drugs came out. The teacher said " Is that what I think that is?" and the student turns around and says " Yeah, so what?" At first when I heard the story I though, um, yeah sure. But about a few months ago my husband found information on the internet and found a student had been charged with bringing drugs to the school. So it was very true. The immaturity, it just kills me. The students are known for throwing food during lunch and the teachers do nothing about it. They have a thing with feces around here. The wrestling coach took his team to districts and the boys left a little 'prize' all over the bed sheets. I was also told by a student that the boys will poop in their pants and leave their nasty shorts in lockers. We found one at the YMCA , that's how we found out about that. I remember our neighbor many years ago that lived by us sent their son there and he was just tortured terribly. The mom was at the school every week. Literally. I would meet her outside when we were going somewhere and she would tell me about how she was going over to the school, again. In the end her son left a note saying he was going to bomb the school. Can you say "cry for help?" They hired a school employee ( I believe he was a teacher) as their prom DJ, who played sexually suggestive songs for the prom along with songs about drugs and alcohol. A few years ago the older kids were hazing the incoming 7th graders ( I wouldn't doubt if they still do it) and they were befriending the kids and then taking them along with them in their cars and would take them to a remote place and would beat them with golf clubs. One boy was beaten so bad that he couldn't even sit for a very long time ( this was on the news but later swept under the rug by the school). Again that's still just the tip of the iceburg. I don't think I have enough room to type all that I've sat back and listened from other parents about the schools on this post. That's why my daughters never graced the ps elementary school here. The private school that they went to this year is a good little school that is barely hanging in there. They had 59 students from grades PreK-8th grade. So Its a school that is slowly dying a painful death because either A. people don't want to pay for private school, or B. People can't afford private school. And the school makes it possible for families like us to even go so most of its A. I could go on and on all day about it. My in laws think its the greatest school around ( they haven't stepped foot in there since they graduated as kids , oh what back in the 40's???) I tell them what I hear and they just say " Oh that's all hearsay." And when they do hear things they just shrug it off. And continue to tell us how horrible we are for not allowing our daughter to grace the steps of that school. We even have stopped going over to their house because we are tired of hearing what horrible people we are for not letting our daughter not go to this 'wonderful' place. I told them I'd love to hear some positive things about the school. But I have not, and probably never will. I don't think that way. I don't want her there for 6-8hrs a day in that type of environment. Even the kids from the private school know what they are going into and I've seen it really upset them. The thing that is different is that I am willing to homeschool my children. It actually fits our life much, much better than sending our children to school. We gave this year a try and they did enjoy it. Problem is we don't have much to offer for homeschoolers in our area. Its difficult to keep up with people because they are just way to busy to do things with ( at least they think so). These kids my girls have grown up with. We were involved in sports quite a bit and so my daughter has known these kids for a long time. Thing is the parents never wanted to do anything with us. I would invite them for picnics , to come over and visit and the parents would make up every excuse in the book. So I know these kids will drift away from her. Even if she is attending the middle/high school. once they find other friends my daughter will be a thing of the past to them. Granted she can make new friends. We've always done that. What my daughter doesn't realize is that we lived real life when we homeschooled. School isn't real life. Edited June 8, 2011 by TracyR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 I find that my dc stop the fits when they know the decision is made. It's the indecision that keeps them going. If you feel strongly then you really have to be stronger than she is. And it's true her friendships may really change but new opportunities will avail themselves. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry gardens Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 This year we went ahead and let our children give private school a try. They enjoyed it (granted I did not). But the school this year has closed down their 7th and 8th grade due to lack of children. So my daughter's first and last year was this year. So of course we live in the middle of no where. Where we have a Catholic school for Prek-6th then your only other option is sending your kids to the MIddle/High School. There is only one. No school choice out here. The public high school has the monopoly on schools out here. But , there is a but. Its the worlds most despicable place. It just keeps getting worse and worse and worse. My oldest would be the target for teasing and ridicule. She is a strong kid but at the same time her feelings can be hurt very easily , especially now that she is 13 an hormonal. I can't justifying sending her there. This year the teachers began encouraging the kids to steal things out of classrooms and rewarding them. But of course my daughter is afraid she won't ever see her friends again. Which she know may or maynot be the case. Not because we would homeschool. Just because she knows if she isn't in the same building with them they will no longer be her friends ( which may likely happen because its the way people are around here). Making friends with homeschoolers in our area is extremely difficult. If you aren't part of the 'cliques' your just out of luck. Anyways, so my daughter feels she is going to try and make my life miserable this summer until I cave in and let her go. But I just can't. I feel very strongly about not allowing her to go. But then my husband feels that if she is going to act this way that we should let her go and find out for herself. So what would you do? My husband and I have sat down and talked to her about it many times. Letting her know how we feel, why we feel the way we do and that she can still stay in contact with her friends. I told her if they are her true friends they will stay with her no matter where she learns. But you just can't reason with a 13yr old I'm learning. You don't need to explain to her or to us here on this thread why you want to go back to homeschooling. You've already explained it.:) She's acting this way because she thinks she'll get her way if she does. And she might be right. You and your husband need to make the decision together, taking her opinion and what you know about your area's public schools into account. If it's truly a dangerous, horrible place, then I disagree with your husband about letting her go and "find out for herself", but he's your husband, not mine. You need to discuss this with your husband; not your daughter and not with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edelweiss Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 I do get their input and listen to their concerns. They want to be homeschooled. Some days, I don't want them to be! ;) But when I bring up sending them to school they act like that is a fate worse than torture. I could have posted this exactly word for word. I sat down with them a few months ago to ask them if they might want to try school for the first time. I am fortunate that we could comfortably afford a fabulous private all-girls prep school for both of them. They are adamantly opposed to it. They just really enjoy homeschooling and want no part of "regular" school, so this is what we'll continue to do for now. We have a great time together and we all enjoy it (although sometimes I would love to have an hour or two to myself). If they wanted to go to school, I would certainly listen to their thoughts, but it would ultimately be my decision (along with my husband, of course). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracyR Posted June 8, 2011 Author Share Posted June 8, 2011 I could have posted this exactly word for word. I sat down with them a few months ago to ask them if they might want to try school for the first time. I am fortunate that we could comfortably afford a fabulous private all-girls prep school for both of them. They are adamantly opposed to it. They just really enjoy homeschooling and want no part of "regular" school, so this is what we'll continue to do for now. We have a great time together and we all enjoy it (although sometimes I would love to have an hour or two to myself). If they wanted to go to school, I would certainly listen to their thoughts, but it would ultimately be my decision (along with my husband, of course). See this is what I don't understand. We homeschooled for 8 yrs ( I started when my oldest was 4) and I thought we had a wonderful time homeschooling. We went on many different types of field trips, had days where we just did school in their jammies, let them sleep in if they wanted to and would do school in the evening. Even the teachers at the girls' school said they wished they were my kids. LOL But for some strange reason they wanted to go , enjoyed it, and want to go back! Yikes. Maybe I needed to do less? This year we only did one thing together as a family. They went on two field trips. One at the beginning of the year and one at the end of the year. That was pretty much it. They were stuck in a building for the past nine months. I don't get it. Even my sister who homeschooled her kids did less with hers and she said she didn't do half as much as we did. We did a lot of fun things as a family when I homeschooled, and I even spiced up our homeschooling with fun things like lap books , going to the library. They were able to go to their grandparents whenever they wanted. They've seen them maybe a few times this year. I know its up to my husband and I in the end. Just it seems to be a strange difficult decision if that makes any sense. I'm not sure why because I told my husband that we have to remind ourselves why we had homeschooled in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ecclecticmum Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Haven't read the replies. Doesn't sound like the kids would be "very good friends" if they would just not see her. I understand more than most the working of "cliques" though. I started out in the "popular" group when I started at a new highschool, for some reason they took a shine to me and pulled me under their wing...I hung out with them for about 2 weeks before I had had enough, they were rude, not very nice people, so I turned my back and walked up to the outcasts and hung out with them. Which apparently made me a hero in the eyes of the students ROFL. I had a lot more fun with the "non-clique" group than I did with the "populars" Maybe you could tailor 2 afternoons a week to something really interesting and fun, that would also interest her friends in school to come over and hang out? I have forgotten the age of your child, but most kids would love a sleepover with a "cocktail" party. Theres drinks that you can make, strawberry slushies, blue drinks, with sugar encrusted round the rim, that you could put in a martini glass, you could be a bartender, and they could watch a fun movie with some popcorn? A sort of "welcome to homeschooling" party? I hope everything works out for her :) P.S. We have 5 Primary schools and 2 Highschools available to us on DHs work route, but have passed on them, if you can a home education with interests tailored to your child can make your child have a love of learning for the rest of their life. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenangelcat Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 IMO, kids do not have the wisdom, maturity, or enough of the big picture to make a choice like that. So, while I do everything I can to make sure their social needs are met, institutional school is not an option. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 IMO, kids do not have the wisdom, maturity, or enough of the big picture to make a choice like that. So, while I do everything I can to make sure their social needs are met, institutional school is not an option. :iagree: And I am speaking as a person who got to make a schooling choice as a child. And I wish my parents had NOT let me choose! I went to a parochial school in 3rd and 4th grade. I begged to go to PS in 5th. My parents let me. I returned to private for 6th and 7th. I fell completely out of the loop by missing that one year in the middle. YOU are the mom, if YOU have strong reasons for keeping her home, then what YOU say goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 This trhead is very interesting to me because my oldest, now 23 was an absolute pariah in school when we withdrew her at the end of 4th grade, but became wildly popular with the neighborhood girls when she started being homeschooled. When she was home schooled the girls didn't mind spending time with her when they wouldn't be teased for it, and our house became a safe haven for a lot of girls during the jr high years. A few weeks ago the phone started to ring off the hook for my youngest child, my 11 yo dd from different church friends and I am assuming the same thing is happening now. Because of our experience I thought that home schoolers were positioned for great friendships, but because of this board I know that is not always true. I do think that your dd could keep her friends even if they are not in the same building all the time. I think it would help if you allowed her friends to spend lots of time with her when they are available. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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