Tell me what to do!

[plain jane]

I need my 3yo to be potty trained. He knows that he needs to use the toilet, will use it sporadically (for both) but will not stay consistent with it. I've tried taking him every 20 min but after 4 or 5 goes he out right refuses to go that often. Also, he doesn't seem to need to go every 20 or even 30 min. However, if I wait longer, like 40min to an hour, I seem to miss when he goes and his diaper/pull-up is already wet. :glare:

 

It's driving me crazy.

 

He will go poop (on potty) sometimes but it's hit and miss. Sometimes he tries but doesn't have to go but then less than an hour later, he's asking me to change his

diaper. :glare: Other times he poops on the potty and all is good. He doesn't always go at the same time every day, which makes it more frustrating for me. I should add that he doesn't like being in a dirty diaper, which is a good start, I guess, but he doesn't mind being in a wet one. Sigh.

 

He has no fears of the potty, knows when he has to go, but somehow we can't remain consistent with this. :banghead: We've tried the big part, the big rewards for not pooping in diaper (and using toilet instead) but none of it has been motivational enough. There's no "big" toy that he really wants as a reward so that tactic is out.

 

I'm not sure what is going on but I know y'all will have some good advice or resources for me. :bigear:

Edited May 23, 2011 by plain jane

[LaxMom]

Why do you "need" him to be potty trained? Your sanity? I've BTDT, but my boy children could not have cared less about using the potty and weren't solidly using it before they were 4 1/2. I swear, I had conversations with friends that went, "I know, intellectually, that no normally functioning child has ever gone to college still nursing, sleeping in their parents' bed, and in diapers... but deep down I'm beginning to have visions of them taking diaper breaks between classes!"

 

Sorry, I don't have any advice on what would work (though I do have a huge list of what didn't inspire them), but I feel you. Times 2. ;)

[Wheres Toto]

Sorry, no advice but lots of sympathy. I'm going through a very similar thing with my dd (who says girls are supposed to be easier?). Her brother told her she was a baby until she's 4, so I think she's just waiting until she's officially no longer a baby and then she'll do it. 2 more months to go if that's the case.

[fairfarmhand]

have you tried going bare or just under wear?

 

If it feels like a diaper he will use it like a diaper. (IME)

[kchara]

:grouphug: None of mine PT'ed before 3. Not. one. (So far, I have 3 still in diapers.) I've let it go until I'm 100% sure they know what's going on, and what's expected, then I just tell them that they're too big for diapers now, so we won't be buying them. My last one (he's 4 now) didn't buy it, so we started buying them a size smaller than he was. Then, when his pack ran out, we told him that that was the biggest size they had, and they don't make them in his size anymore, because he's too big. They were uncomfortable enough that he didn't argue when he went into big boy underwear that fit much better and were much more comfortable. ;)

 

There's a blog event starting today about potty training. Heres the link. They're having giveaways and such. I'm hoping to get my twins PT'ed BEFORE they turn three, so I'm joining in. :)

[Mommy22alyns]

Sorry... Sylvia was much the same way and didn't train until she was 3.5. Nothing really motivated her. I think when it happened, she was just finally ready.

[Clear Creek]

have you tried going bare or just under wear?

 

If it feels like a diaper he will use it like a diaper. (IME)

 

 

This is what worked for all three of mine (and the child I used to babysit full-time). As soon as they realized the underwear did not hold it in when they peed, they chose to go in the potty instead of all over their legs/feet/toys.

[wapiti]

have you tried going bare or just under wear?

 

If it feels like a diaper he will use it like a diaper. (IME)

:iagree:

 

Cold turkey. Naked from the waist down. IME (4 kids so far) it takes about a week. Then use underwear. It's easier to do this in summer if you have a private backyard. It's also easier if you have hardwood floors ;).

[plain jane]

Yah, you're right. "Need" may be too strong a word there. :tongue_smilie:

 

But with 3 in diapers/pull-ups (my 5yo still wets the bed for nap and bed) we're spending over $100 per month. :blink:

 

Plus, every time my 3yo soils his diaper he has to go for a shower to wash off or the smell sticks to him :ack2: and we also have to change his pants/shorts. Changing his diaper/showering/etc takes 15 min each time and the changing of clothes is adding to my laundry.

 

Nothing crazy, I guess, but it all adds up and I'm not really seeing *why* he's not going on the potty. :confused:

 

Why do you "need" him to be potty trained? Your sanity? I've BTDT, but my boy children could not have cared less about using the potty and weren't solidly using it before they were 4 1/2. I swear, I had conversations with friends that went, "I know, intellectually, that no normally functioning child has ever gone to college still nursing, sleeping in their parents' bed, and in diapers... but deep down I'm beginning to have visions of them taking diaper breaks between classes!"

 

Sorry, I don't have any advice on what would work (though I do have a huge list of what didn't inspire them), but I feel you. Times 2. ;)

[plain jane]

Thanks all. :grouphug:

 

Where are you all in real life?? :confused: Everyone I know who has a 3yo has them potty trained so I feel like the biggest, I don't know... slacker parent maybe :tongue_smilie:.

 

He's my latest (longest taking? oldest?) child to potty train so it helps to know that he's not the only 3+ year old to still be in diapers. Thanks. I'll just :chillpill:

[mom4him]

When I was helping train a couple of littles that I was babysitting, I had a SPECIAL toy that they got to play with when they did their job in the potty. They could play with the toy for about 15 min. and then it had to be put up. It worked marvelous. :001_smile:

[MeaganS]

I could have written your post about my daughter. She's not quite 3 yet, but she totally gets potty training, she just has no interest in doing it consistently. No amount of logic, bribes, or even punishments will convince this child. Potty training is my least favorite part of parenting so far. I kind of hate it.

[SailorMom]

Just supporting the naked thing. Both boys - it was the only thing that finally worked. I think they get used to feeling the pressure on thier boy parts of a diaper/pull up on, and if anything is in that area they just don't think about it - they just go. Naked- well - no fabric or diaper in contact with their skin, and for some reason they become more aware.

We also had a sticker system for prizes - but even that wasn't working well until we went with naked or underware.

[TXMomof4]

Just another vote for naked or underwear only. Just be prepared - if you spend a lot of time outside and encourage/allow going outside, that's a hard habit to break. Ds still thinks nothing of running outside to pee on the tree if it's closer than going upstairs to the potty. :glare:

[AngelaNYC]

All 3 of my kids potty-trained (day & night) at around 2 1/2 years old (31 mos, 26 mos, & 29 mos, respectively). It only took about 2 weeks.

 

I got advice from a friend and it worked.

 

One day (when there was just a hint of readiness) I bagged up all the diapers and pull-ups and hid them in the basement. I got them very cool looking big kid underwear (lots of them) and prepared myself for a long couple of weeks. I did tell them that "the diaper fairy needed all the diapers and pull-ups for all the new babies being born, and she left all new underwear for you". <<insert lots of oohs and ahhs and wows, like it's a huge honor>>

 

Wherever they sat or slept, I was sure to put towels under them.

 

They were dry from the very first night! I think it's because they know they'll get wet and uncomfortable - even when they're sleeping.

 

Every hour-and-a-half I had them sit on the toilet (not a potty). 90% of the time they would go. Then they got to put a star on the chart I made. Once a week went by with a whole bunch of stars, they got to get something (small) at the toy store. After a few days it didn't have to be that frequent and they would automatically know when they had to go.

 

And that was it. After the 2 weeks, there were no accidents, no bed-wetting, nothing.

 

One thing I will say if you try this method - you have to be diligent and stick to it. You can't let them use a diaper (or pull-up) even once. If you go out, make sure you know where the bathrooms are. Be extremely patient, encouraging, and full of praise and hugs.

 

p.s. That friend and I lost touch for years after my first dd turned 3. A few years ago, I was pleased to find her again - she is my son's cub scout troop's den mother! I made a point to let her know that I used her PT method successfully on all my kids. LOL.

[petepie2]

Take heart! The Potty Monster lives at my house, too! I battled with my DS until he was 3 and a half. He simply did not care if he peed or pooped on himself, even in underwear (he still doesn't). Nothing motivated him. Finally, he got his act together and was good for about 6 months. He was even sleeping in underwear and never wet the bed. He gave up naps just after he turned 4 and things went downhill and have been rocky every since. He started having "accidents" (which did not bother him) and started wetting the bed. He's probably only been dry overnight 10 times or so in the last 11 months. (Yes, I had him tested for diabetes.)

 

Nothing I did worked until a few weeks ago. I was fed up. He was constantly doing a little "pressure relief" and he was wet all. the. time. He was even pooping in his underwear. He's almost 5!!! So I played hardball, and over the course of a few days he lost every single toy and all TV and computer privileges...even his teddy and special blanket. It got worse before it got better. He was having multiple accidents per day. I just stayed calm. Finally, he could only do three things: go outside, color, or look at picture books. By the weekend, he caved and decided it was in his best interest to use the potty. I gave stuff back to him over the course of about 3 or 4 days. He had to be clean & dry all day to get the next item on my list. He's been good for two weeks now and has even been dry overnight about 5 times.

 

Now, I'm not advocating this approach for your 3 year old. My DS is older and knew exactly what he was doing. Desperate times called for desperate measures. Boys are just stubborn. I do think it's a matter of finding what motivates them.

 

I second what others say about ditching the diapers. That's definitely the step to take. My other son just turned three in April and I'm going to start potty training him next week. He'll go to the potty some now. I think the underwear-only approach will work for him. He doesn't even like a cold wipe on his bottom!

 

Good luck to both of us while we take on the Potty Monster!!

[tabrizia]

Supporting the naked thing for training. That being said, it does not always work if the child is not ready/does not have any interest in the potty even if physically they are ready. Ask my new couch how we know?

 

DS didn't train until he was 3 3/4th. tried everything for the 18 months leading up to him decided he was ready. The worst part was we knew he could do it, because he trained himself for two weeks at just past 2, and then decided that was fun, now back to diapers! Nothing worked, not bribes, not taking him every 30 minutes, not ignoring his accidents except to have him clean up, not telling him we didn't have anymore diapers. He had to decide on his own he was ready, once he did he trained within a week and has had maybe 5 accidents since he decided he was ready.

 

I refuse to worry about my other two until they hit 5. If they aren't using the potty regularly at 5, then I'll worry about it, until then, I'll introduce the concept, buy them cool underwear and take them to the potty if they ask.

[Aubrey]

:iagree:

 

Cold turkey. Naked from the waist down. IME (4 kids so far) it takes about a week. Then use underwear. It's easier to do this in summer if you have a private backyard. It's also easier if you have hardwood floors ;).

 

:iagree: All four of mine PT'd the weekend they turned 2. Well...#3 might have been a month or two later, because w/ 2 babies, it was just easier to change diapers.

 

One weekend, & we were done. As in, go grocery shopping in underwear, done. It seems like they all had a week a month or so later in which they had an accident or two a day, but that was it. Not fun, but not hard.

 

ETA: We did one chocolate chip for each successful go for a week or so, & for a couple of them, I kept the little potty chair in the living room. A good reminder, more convenient, etc. But #3 (& maybe #2?) just potty-trained straight on the big toilet.

Edited May 23, 2011 by Aubrey

[Alice]

My two boys were both about 3 1/2. With my oldest one thing I did that really helped was to take a break from it for about 6 weeks. Three year olds are all about saying no just because you want them to do something so it's really easy for potty training to become a battle and it's a battle you do not want to be fighting. I realized that for us it had become a control issue. So I told him we were taking a break and not trying it at all. Then I picked an "underwear" day and marked it on the calendar. I explained that was the day that he would be in underwear all the time with no diapers. During the six week period I never mentioned potty-training. When it was time to change a diaper I did it quickly with little attention. As we got towards the end of the six weeks he asked a few times to try the potty. I said "sure" and let him do it but didn't make it a big deal. As we got closer I would periodically remind him of underwear day very matter of factly.

 

When it came, I put him in underwear and then restarted a bunch of the same things we'd tried before. We used a reward chart with stickers and having him have "potty-time" once every hour. I think he had three accidents total and then we were done.

 

I think the bottom (no pun intended) line to potty-training is to try and figure out why they aren't doing it. Is it fear? Control? Inability? The reason why they are resisting is often the answer to how to get them to do it successfully.

 

I used a similar approach to my second one but just waited with him until he was older, about the same age my first one was successful. That also had to do with the timing of the new baby in the house. I then went through the same thing but without needing the six week break. It took a little longer but I'd say we were completely done in about a week.

[Pretty in Pink]

None of mine potty trained until they decided for themselves that they were darned good and ready. This was just after the 3rd birthday for each of my non-diaper-wearing punks.

 

My experience was that stressing myself out over getting them trained (not to mention cleaning up all of the accidents and messes) was far more draining physically and emotionally than just letting them go when they were ready.

 

You might check into Amazon Mom for having your diapers delivered in bulk. I save about 25% by having my diapers delivered.

[SunD]

Well, first of all, sign yourself up for Amazon Mom. Buy Luvs diapers on Amazon, using the 15% Amazon Mom discount and the extra 15% Subscribe & Save discount. (You can cancel the S&S anytime after your order ships, if you don't really want it. You still get the discount.) They've worked just as well as Huggies for me, and better than Pampers. With the discounts I pay .15 per diaper for size 4s. That's a few cents more than the cheapest store brands, but those never worked as well for us. I get wipes from Amazon too.

 

I feel totally weird with my 3yo (Just today! Happy birthday, girl!) not being potty trained, too. I don't have any good models though. The first training I witnessed was a neighbor girl, 2.5, and it eventually devolved into spankings and threats, and she still wasn't truly trained until just after 3. Then my nephew trained just before 3, and my niece is on track to do the same, but their mom has been talking up school since they were 18 months old and the kids are desperate to go. She tells them they can't go until they use the potty. That's not going to work here!

 

So, I finally found the approach I think I want to take ... I read Toilet Training in Less Than a Day. My mom recommended it as working with me. :lol: So yeah, it's an old book. She said I didn't train in a day, but it worked in a week or so when nothing else really did. Here are the caveats with it, before you look into it. You're going to need help. Someone will need to take the other little kids because you have to be 100% on it during the potty training day. It would be best if DH could take them somewhere or a neighbor could babysit them, unless one is a tiny immobile baby. Also, the treats are small. You would need to think of something that would be thrilling to get (not necessarily motivating beforehand). For DD I think it will be stickers. You'll also need a doll (for him to teach) and a potty, or a potty seat. The book recommends a potty, but I'm going with a potty seat and a step stool.

[Alyeska]

It can become very much a control issue. Your child knows that you cannot control if he goes in his pull up or not. It then becomes an all out war.

 

I know because I fought that war for over a year. I finally gave up and it was SO freeing for me.

 

Now at age 7 my ds still will have an occasional wetting accident. And he is not dry through the night either (which is a different issue).

 

It just is.not.worth the fight. So I recommend just letting it go. He will potty train when he is ready and not any sooner.

 

:grouphug: I KNOW how frustrating it is.

 

btw, my ds wasn't out of pull-ups during the day until he was 4.5.

[Parrothead]

Take that pull-up and the diaper off.

 

I've only one biological child, but I've potty trained close to 100. I worked in a day care long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away.

 

Cold turkey is the fastest, easiest way to go. Even if it has become a power struggle. Just be very matter of fact about it, "Today is the day. Here is the potty, you know what to do. If you have an accident, let me know and I'll help you clean yourself up." No fuss, no muss. Don't get angry or exasperated.

 

This generally works any time after the age of 2.5 and usually during the spring/summer. If after 3 or 4 days it isn't working then the kiddo just isn't ready. Try again in 3-4 months.

[fairfarmhand]

Take that pull-up and the diaper off.

 

I've only one biological child, but I've potty trained close to 100. I worked in a day care long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away.

 

Cold turkey is the fastest, easiest way to go. Even if it has become a power struggle. Just be very matter of fact about it, "Today is the day. Here is the potty, you know what to do. If you have an accident, let me know and I'll help you clean yourself up." No fuss, no muss. Don't get angry or exasperated.

 

This generally works any time after the age of 2.5 and usually during the spring/summer. If after 3 or 4 days it isn't working then the kiddo just isn't ready. Try again in 3-4 months.

 

 

What is it about day care situations that make kids train quicker? So many moms I know send their kids to day care and it is SO much easier for the kids to get it? The kids seem to learn it faster in a group situation.

 

Do you think it is the routine?

 

corrected my error...

Edited May 24, 2011 by fairfarmhand

[NanceXToo]

Honestly, I would try not to stress over it. When he uses it, tell him what a good job he did, when he doesn't, or doesn't want to, just accept it matter-of-factly, and just wait it out a little bit longer. He'll get there when he's ready. I wouldn't turn it into a battle or source of stress for you or him or anything like that (not saying you are).

 

I sort of took that laid back approach with my son and he let me know when he was ready. Just when I was thinking he was going to turn four without being fully potty trained, he got up and put on a pair of underwear on his own one day and proceeded to use the potty whenever he needed to.

 

I continued putting pullups on him at nighttime only, and just a couple of weeks ago (at age 5 1/2) he took it back off one night and informed me he wanted to sleep in his underwear. Which he's been doing with no problem in the couple of weeks since.

[Murphy101]

have you tried going bare or just under wear?

 

If it feels like a diaper he will use it like a diaper. (IME)

 

Take that pull-up and the diaper off.

 

I've only one biological child, but I've potty trained close to 100. I worked in a day care long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away.

 

Cold turkey is the fastest, easiest way to go. Even if it has become a power struggle. Just be very matter of fact about it, "Today is the day. Here is the potty, you know what to do. If you have an accident, let me know and I'll help you clean yourself up." No fuss, no muss. Don't get angry or exasperated.

 

This generally works any time after the age of 2.5 and usually during the spring/summer. If after 3 or 4 days it isn't working then the kiddo just isn't ready. Try again in 3-4 months.

 

:iagree:

[Parrothead]

Imp, what is it about day care situations that make kids train quicker? So many moms I know send their kids to day care and it is SO much easier for the kids to get it? The kids seem to learn it faster in a group situation.

 

Do you think it is the routine?

I don't think it is the group situation. Honestly I think it is the matter of fact attitude. So many moms look at potty training as an obstacle or milestone that must be met. There is pressure from other moms to "get it right" or to potty train by a certain age. Moms also often make a big deal out of it.

 

All of this sets up kids for failure before they even get the hang of it. They get scared of the potty, mommy's reaction or just big production. Or even worse it becomes a power struggle.

 

The whole, "Oy, you in the blue. It is your time to go potty. Make it quick 'cause it is Curlylocks' time to go next," takes pressure off of everyone.

Edited May 24, 2011 by Parrothead