What's the least tacky gift...

[Firestar Academy]

nm.

 

 

Robin

Edited May 23, 2011 by RobinLK

[PeterPan]

Nothing. Sorry that's not the answer you wanted, but I just wouldn't send anything.

[ejadragna]

i would send a newborn oufit. you can usually get something cute, relatively inexpensive. i agree with the 1rst child baby shower, except if they are so spread apart in age that you have no baby equipment anymore.

[Amy+2]

a card...:tongue_smilie:

 

Third baby shower?? Tacky. If your mom REALLY wants to send something, I would probably opt for some onesies and maybe a cute little baby toy that hooks onto a carseat. That would be PLENTY in my book.

 

[Firestar Academy]

i would send a newborn oufit. you can usually get something cute, relatively inexpensive. i agree with the 1rst child baby shower, except if they are so spread apart in age that you have no baby equipment anymore.

 

 

nm

 

 

robin

Edited May 23, 2011 by RobinLK

[Unicorn.]

Diapers, in a size 2 or 3, and a book, or since this is the 1st boy, an outfit, in a bigger size for later. Like 18-24 mos.

[Firestar Academy]

a card...:tongue_smilie:

 

Third baby shower??

 

not third baby shower, third baby..first boy

 

robin

[LidiyaDawn]

I don't understand why you're asking about "least tacky gift" …. ? (specific wording there)

 

(of course, I also don't understand why people get their knickers in a twist about showers for 2nd/etc kids… I mean really, is it THAT big of a deal? It's just a fun time to celebrate the coming baby!)

 

Anyway. Ideas: Cute sleepers? crib sheets? receiving blankets? sookies? stuffed toys? teething rings? hooded towels? lullaby music cds? diaper bag? wall hanging of some sort for nursery?

[katilac]

I also would not send anything.

[Abigail4476]

I would vote for a congratulatory card, and your Dad should be the one to sign it. If he's feeling generous, he could include a gift card for a department store, which is appropriately generic and impersonal.

 

Just a thought: People can have a lot of conversations while they ride around in a car, and this man may consider your Dad a friend. :001_smile:

 

As for it being a third shower...we have showers for every new baby around here, no matter which number child it is. The gifts change--it's more likely to be diapers and baby bath on child #'s 2-however many--but it's still a fun excuse for a party. We also have three ladies in our church who love to sew, and every new baby gets a personalized quilt, a soft crocheted blanket and a fleece "blessing" blanket. I agree that after baby #1, it's fine to skip the shower if you aren't interested, but I don't think there's anything *tacky* about having a shower. :tongue_smilie:

[Firestar Academy]

I don't understand why you're asking about "least tacky gift" …. ? (specific wording there)

 

(of course, I also don't understand why people get their knickers in a twist about showers for 2nd/etc kids… I mean really, is it THAT big of a deal? It's just a fun time to celebrate the coming baby!)

 

Anyway. Ideas: Cute sleepers? crib sheets? receiving blankets? sookies? stuffed toys? teething rings? hooded towels? lullaby music cds? diaper bag? wall hanging of some sort for nursery?

 

nm

 

robin

Edited May 23, 2011 by RobinLK

[Teachin'Mine]

...

Edited May 22, 2011 by Teachin'Mine

[lorilou]

I don't understand why you're asking about "least tacky gift" …. ? (specific wording there)

 

(of course, I also don't understand why people get their knickers in a twist about showers for 2nd/etc kids… I mean really, is it THAT big of a deal? It's just a fun time to celebrate the coming baby!)

 

Anyway. Ideas: Cute sleepers? crib sheets? receiving blankets? sookies? stuffed toys? teething rings? hooded towels? lullaby music cds? diaper bag? wall hanging of some sort for nursery?

 

That's pretty much my view, too! Babies are always to be celebrated! They probably have some sweet friends who wanted to throw them a shower since it's their 1st child of the opposite sex. Surely there is not a large registry asking for highchairs, strollers, etc. The most logical thing to send would be a boy outfit.

[AK_Mom4]

I would send a rubber duck and a little baby book - the kind that babies chew on.....

 

Of course, that's my standard gift to every baby (1st, 2nd, 15th....). I never spend more than $10 and they always seem to get used. Light enough that I don't get killed on postage if I have to mail it and cute enough that no one thinks I am "tacky".

 

ETA: I have a family member that prefers to give Toys-R-Us gift cards. I think that's nice too.

[Abigail4476]

I guess because I think that having a shower for the third baby is a tacky way to ask for gifts.

 

robin

 

Or, it could be that the Dad is really excited about having a boy and wanted to share that with your Dad. :001_smile:

 

People don't normally throw their own baby showers, so if someone else throwing the party, they probably asked for names--and the Dad said, "Oh, hey, invite this guy I carpool with--he's really cool." :tongue_smilie:

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

background:

 

my parents were invited to a baby shower. My dad works/carpools with the 'father'. my mother has never met either husband or wife. she has no idea why they were even invited.:confused:

 

This is their third child, and my mother thinks one should only have a baby shower for the first child:glare: (i do too, but that's not the point here).

 

they are not attending the shower but my mother feels she should send a gift. ya know, being polite.:001_smile:

 

what would you send??

 

Robin

 

Why did you put 'father' in quotes like that? Is he the baby's father, or isn't he?

 

I don't think your mother should send a gift if she doesn't know them and doesn't approve of them receiving gifts.

 

In my world, a carpooling buddy with a pregnant wife would be someone who rates a gift. I wouldn't go to a stranger's baby shower, though.

 

I would probably send something small (onesie and receiving blanket, maybe) in a gift bag for my husband to give to his friend, who would presumably pass it on to his wife.

 

Or I'd pop it in the mail if it seemed unlikely that my husband and/or the other gentleman would really want to tote around a be-ribboned, pastel gift bag at work.

[Firestar Academy]

I don't understand why you're asking about "least tacky gift" …. ? (specific wording there)

 

(of course, I also don't understand why people get their knickers in a twist about showers for 2nd/etc kids… I mean really, is it THAT big of a deal? It's just a fun time to celebrate the coming baby!)

 

Anyway. Ideas: Cute sleepers? crib sheets? receiving blankets? sookies? stuffed toys? teething rings? hooded towels? lullaby music cds? diaper bag? wall hanging of some sort for nursery?

 

I guess I was just raised that way. :001_huh:

 

robin

[kalanamak]

I don't send newborn. People always get newborn. I get a pair of Robeez or a couple of outfits for the year size. It is nice to pop out something new and coordinated when you are a year into parenting.

[Dolphin]

I would send a card.

 

Baby "sprinkles" for 2nd and so on kids are something for your closest friends, a lunch and a little fun. Not the person your husband carpools with whom you have never met. That is just tacky.

[Firestar Academy]

Why did you put 'father' in quotes like that? Is he the baby's father, or isn't he?

 

 

 

I guess I was getting confused about my father and the father of the child.

 

robin

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

So few people have established social groups these days.

 

Maybe this couple only know a few people and have to include ride sharers and the checkout girl at the Piggly Wiggly in their group invites because they don't have a big ol' extended family or church.

 

(Guessing.)

 

They might need a baby shower. Maybe they thought they were done having children and sold all their gear, or maybe 100% of their baby stuff is pink.

 

I don't think it has to be tacky to have a shower for a child other than the firstborn. I never did, because I was in a really great hand-me-down loop during my babyhaving years, but lots of people don't have that.

 

 

Edited to add: Even if the above is all true, nobody is ever obligated to give a gift if they don't want to. I was just addressing how it might not be tacky. Not trying to say your Mom should feel obligated to send a gift to someone she doesn't even know.

Edited May 22, 2011 by Dulcimeramy
Forgot the point. Need a nap!

[Mrs Mungo]

background:

 

my parents were invited to a baby shower. My dad works/carpools with the 'father'. my mother has never met either husband or wife. she has no idea why they were even invited.:confused:

 

This is their third child, and my mother thinks one should only have a baby shower for the first child:glare: (i do too, but that's not the point here).

 

they are not attending the shower but my mother feels she should send a gift. ya know, being polite.:001_smile:

 

what would you send??

 

Robin

 

I felt felt as surly and negative about it as you and your mom do, then I wouldn't send anything.

[Mommy22alyns]

I vote for a card.

 

If you're feeling generous, maybe a cute little outfit.

[Mrs Mungo]

I don't think it has to be tacky to have a shower for a child other than the firstborn. I never did, because I was in a really great hand-me-down loop during my babyhaving years, but lots of people don't have that.

 

The fact is, different communities and circles are different. Every place I have lived, every social group I've been involved with has had different practices.

 

I don't see how a shower for a third baby is begging for gifts or whatever any more than a shower for a first baby is.

[Farrar]

A card with a homemade coupon for a free meal then bring over a frozen lasagna or something after the baby is born? Or, like others said, something little - a pair of booties or something.

 

I've been to a few second and third baby celebrations that aren't quite showers but where people bring small gifts - diapers, a little hat or booties, things like that and I think that's appropriate. Having a full on shower is pretty tacky but it seems to be a growing trend.

[*Lulu*]

I would send either my standard gift, (a board book and a classical music cd), or a few cute burp cloths. (We have a few places locally that will carry ones with initials or cute sayings that look very boutique-sheik and hold up amazingly well.)

[Susan in TX]

I don't see how a shower for a third baby is begging for gifts or whatever any more than a shower for a first baby is.

 

I agree. And in my experience most baby stuff these days is not made very well and only lasts through two kids...if you are lucky.

 

Susan in TX

[Sputterduck]

Why is a second or third baby less worthy of celebration? Showers aren't about gifts, they're about celebrating the coming of new life.

[LidiyaDawn]

Hmmm. If showers for successive children are "tacky" and whatever, then I guess maybe it's time that we quit celebrating birthdays after the first one. I mean hey, why should anyone celebrate their birth more than once?

 

Christmas could go too, I guess… it's been done a bazillion times….

[Audrey]

a card...:tongue_smilie:

 

Third baby shower?? Tacky. If your mom REALLY wants to send something, I would probably opt for some onesies and maybe a cute little baby toy that hooks onto a carseat. That would be PLENTY in my book.

 

 

 

 

If she feels that she has to send something, :iagree:with the above.

[Amy+2]

Hmmm. If showers for successive children are "tacky" and whatever, then I guess maybe it's time that we quit celebrating birthdays after the first one. I mean hey, why should anyone celebrate their birth more than once?

 

Christmas could go too, I guess… it's been done a bazillion times….

 

Really??:confused: Showers are about "showering" the new mom and baby with gifts. Hence the word "shower".

 

After the first baby, MOST people who are family members and close friends do indeed bring small gifts, meals, diapers, etc., for each new baby thereafter. Another shower is not truly necessary. Of course, I guess, there can be exceptions, such as, many YEARS between babies. But to continue with a shower for each child after the first to me is simply and seemingly ASKING for gifts. Sorry, just my opinion.

[*Lulu*]

Just a thought, even though it is her third child it may still be her first baby shower.

 

Due to life circumstances we have never had a baby shower. We've had moves, deaths in the family, serious illnesses, weddings and family crises that have interfered with any thought of baby showers. (Of course we've still received lots of gifts from friends and family, but never had the party to go with it. :) )

 

My sister was going to throw us a shower with #3, but then I had complications with the pregnancy that shifted all our families focus from party to prayer and we never got back around to it.

[Mrs Mungo]

Really??:confused: Showers are about "showering" the new mom and baby with gifts. Hence the word "shower".

 

After the first baby, MOST people who are family members and close friends do indeed bring small gifts, meals, diapers, etc., for each new baby thereafter. Another shower is not truly necessary. Of course, I guess, there can be exceptions, such as, many YEARS between babies. But to continue with a shower for each child after the first to me is simply and seemingly ASKING for gifts. Sorry, just my opinion.

 

In the military community people often do not have any family or close friends to do that. Especially if they have just moved. Plus, because of all of the moving we don't tend to hang on to things like baby clothes, we tend to pass them on. For that reason, baby showers for each baby are fairly common. It's not universally common, every circle is a little different, but it's not out of the ordinary.

 

I never had a big shower with big gifts from family members because I lived cross country in the case of baby #1 and in a different country with my other two babies. Therefore, the little showers among friends were pretty much all of the gifts I ever received.

 

Your opinion is based on your experience in your micro-culture. Other people have other experiences. That's why I don't why anyone needs to be nasty about it.

[Rhonda in TX]

Well, I don't think it's tacky, so I would send a gift. Since it's a 3rd baby, I'd probably send a package of diapers. I always appreciated those as a baby gift.

[LidiyaDawn]

Hmmm. If showers for successive children are "tacky" and whatever, then I guess maybe it's time that we quit celebrating birthdays after the first one. I mean hey, why should anyone celebrate their birth more than once?

 

Christmas could go too, I guess… it's been done a bazillion times….

 

Really??:confused: Showers are about "showering" the new mom and baby with gifts. Hence the word "shower".

 

After the first baby, MOST people who are family members and close friends do indeed bring small gifts, meals, diapers, etc., for each new baby thereafter. Another shower is not truly necessary. Of course, I guess, there can be exceptions, such as, many YEARS between babies. But to continue with a shower for each child after the first to me is simply and seemingly ASKING for gifts. Sorry, just my opinion.

 

and birthday parties are for what…. I'm pretty sure the birthday kid gets "showered" with gifts, as does everyone on Christmas morning. :tongue_smilie:

 

I never said anything was "necessary" … I just don't get it. Showers are fun! Celebrating a coming baby! Cake & punch, party streamers, presents, games, whatever.

 

:party:

 

It's just a good time, I don't get the negativity….

[WishboneDawn]

 

As for it being a third shower...we have showers for every new baby around here, no matter which number child it is. The gifts change--it's more likely to be diapers and baby bath on child #'s 2-however many--but it's still a fun excuse for a party. We also have three ladies in our church who love to sew, and every new baby gets a personalized quilt, a soft crocheted blanket and a fleece "blessing" blanket. I agree that after baby #1, it's fine to skip the shower if you aren't interested, but I don't think there's anything *tacky* about having a shower. :tongue_smilie:

 

Same here. Every new baby in the family has gotten a baby shower. My MIL would keel over if we didn't let her throw one for our coming baby.

[elegantlion]

I would vote for a congratulatory card, and your Dad should be the one to sign it. If he's feeling generous, he could include a gift card for a department store, which is appropriately generic and impersonal.

 

Just a thought: People can have a lot of conversations while they ride around in a car, and this man may consider your Dad a friend. :001_smile:

 

 

 

Or, it could be that the Dad is really excited about having a boy and wanted to share that with your Dad. :001_smile:

 

People don't normally throw their own baby showers, so if someone else throwing the party, they probably asked for names--and the Dad said, "Oh, hey, invite this guy I carpool with--he's really cool." :tongue_smilie:

:iagree: with both of these. Maybe the father looks up to your Dad. Is there a large age difference between your father and this man? Perhaps he sees him as a father figure (many adult men lacked a true father in their lives). I also think knowing they are having a boy creates different feelings in a father. I know my dh feels a larger responsibility in the parenting than he would if we had a daughter. (Don't read anything into that comment - it's just teaching a boy to be a man falls more on dh's shoulder's than mine. If we had a dd I'd feel more of the responsibility)

 

I think baby shower has different connotations for different people. For some it's a gift grab, for others it's just a time to celebrate with people you might see on a regular basis.

[Amy+2]

In the military community people often do not have any family or close friends to do that. Especially if they have just moved. Plus, because of all of the moving we don't tend to hang on to things like baby clothes, we tend to pass them on. For that reason, baby showers for each baby are fairly common. It's not universally common, every circle is a little different, but it's not out of the ordinary.

 

I never had a big shower with big gifts from family members because I lived cross country in the case of baby #1 and in a different country with my other two babies. Therefore, the little showers among friends were pretty much all of the gifts I ever received.

 

Your opinion is based on your experience in your micro-culture. Other people have other experiences. That's why I don't why anyone needs to be nasty about it.

 

Just FYI, I have relocated with my dear husband 4 times in our marriage. We live no where near our family nor have we ever with any of our moves. NO Micro Culture about it. When we moved the second time I was pregnant. Some people he worked with were more than generous to offer me a shower, to which I politely declined. I had recently gone home to a baby shower and felt that was enough for me. I personally don't like the attention and feel very uneasy about accepting gifts from people I don't really know that well.

 

I really enjoy reading the posts (most of the time) on this board. FWIW, I wrote that second response due to the fact that one tried to put baby showers in the same category as Christmas. I guess I found that to be a little bit of a strange correlation. Sorry I bothered to post today. Not a good day here.

Edited May 22, 2011 by Amy+2
eta: crappy day- sorry...

[WishboneDawn]

But to continue with a shower for each child after the first to me is simply and seemingly ASKING for gifts. Sorry, just my opinion.

 

:001_rolleyes:

 

If it's not done where you are, no biggie, but here there'd be a revolt if I or my SIL didn't have one for every baby. My MIL and her family are all about get-togethers like this where everyone gets to coo over the baby clothes and toys.

 

Perhaps they're about gifts in your experience but I'd suggest that other people have different reasons (like big families run by baby crazy matriarchs :D) beyond just asking for gifts. And of course when the MIL throws a shower the showeree often feels obligated to invite other friends and associates so that there are no hard feelings over being left out.

 

I've already been asked by neighbours when the shower for my third will be so it's probably not just my husband's family that's shower crazy but more a regional thing?

 

So tacky? I think it can be but I also think it's a little tacky to assume that's always the case. Traditions vary by family, region and culture and I think it's best to keep that in mind and try to think the best when situations like this come along.

[kalanamak]

 

I never had a big shower with big gifts from family members because I lived cross country in the case of baby #1 and in a different country with my other two babies. Therefore, the little showers among friends were pretty much all of the gifts I ever received.

 

 

Some people just love baby showers. It is a chance to give a USEFUL, appreciated gift for a non-adult. You don't have to agonize. You can get something cute and corny. Even before I was the least interested in babies, I was a baby shower addict. I went shopping for "something practical" for my first one, and was so overwhelmed by the cuteness of everything, I became a baby-shower crasher (almost). My sister (it was a party for a SIL) fell over laughing after I'd made such a reluctant "okay, but I'm bringing something practical", and then showed up with 5 presents each more precious than the last.

 

My most favorite baby shower was a pair of women who were having an artificially inseminated daughter. Besides family, I was about the only straight woman there, and I got such a KICK out of all the pinkest, most frilly dresses being given by calloused-hand female carpenters. :lol:

[WishboneDawn]

NM :)

Edited May 22, 2011 by WishboneDawn

[Amy+2]

 

So tacky? I think it can be but I also think it's a little tacky to assume that's always the case. Traditions vary by family, region and culture and I think it's best to keep that in mind and try to think the best when situations like this come along.

 

 

I agree with you. And I also agree I may have come across a little harsh by saying tacky. I do think it must be a cultural thing for some, not for others. Thank you for stating this so eloquently.

 

I guess I have posted with "attitude" today. I will try to go wash that away here shortly. It would have been my brother's 39th birthday today and I guess I am just wallowing in a little bit of sadness and obviously not coming across well at all. He was killed 15 years ago in a car crash. I am missing him terribly today, more so than other days. Oh, and I am not some crazy what do you call them...you know, fake people on the boards seeking some sort of something or other. I have been on these boards for YEARS, including the old boards. So, once again, I do apologize for being brash today.

[Harriet Vane]

Just a card, no gift.

[WishboneDawn]

I don't see how a shower for a third baby is begging for gifts or whatever any more than a shower for a first baby is.

 

I'm not sure why people would be begging for more gifts. Even though we thought we were done and got rid of the baby stuff long ago and so NEED to replenish I'm actually dreading the shower a bit because I know there will be outfits my baby wears once if ever and half the toys and equipment will simply become clutter.

 

I've considered telling everyone to just bring cards or, if they must, get some clothes and receiving blankets at local thrift stores but my MIL and all the aunts-in-law would scream in protest. :)

[FaithManor]

I think baby celebrations are wonderful. We had a "gotcha" party for a friend who had adopted a four year old girl from Brazil who had spina bifida. They'd been doing foster care and medical temporary guardianships for years so they didn't need anything. We made it clear that it was to rejoice over Cida's arrival and gifts were not encouraged. So, there were very few gifts, but some of us closest to the parents knew they'd be doing a lot of driving to Wayne State Children's Hospital and bought them gas cards.

 

That's the way I like it. "Let's get together to celebrate this precious, human life and let us not invite our second cousin's twice removed sister-in-law in the hopes of getting more gifts." I've seen both kinds. The celebration is lovely, and yes, those close enough to know the family's needs and of economic ability to help, do bring gifts while no one else need feel obligated.

 

Under the circumstances, if your dad feels like a friend of the man, then it needs to be his responsibility to decide if he can afford a gift and what that should be. He should then extend the gift to his friend. A blessing between friends. It is tacky for you mom, who has never met them, to be invited to the shower. The tie is just not there and it's not appropriate because it can very much appear to be gift seeking.

 

Mrs. Mungo brings up a valid point that micro-cultures spring up in which appropriateness is very much locally decided and cannot be implied across the continent. The military has it's own mini-culture in order to meet the unique needs of military personnel. That's wonderful and awesome. But within the confines of our rural church with a low median income in this county and a high unemployment rate, constant showers, birthday parties, graduation openhouses, bridal showers, etc....it's offensive. People literally cannot afford to give gifts all the time even if it is only $10.00. The funds just aren't there and it's bad enough if you have to turn down someone you really know, but when you get invited to showers for people you've never met, well, then it is seen as offensive and has having ulterior motives. So, one must always consider the mini-culture in which you live.

 

Dh and I have personally forgone baby showers and birthday parties for ALL but closest relatives. I will make a homemade card and the entire family will sign it. In lieu of giving gift for others, we give as generously as we can to a local crisis pregnancy center that services moms in desperate situations.

 

My conclusion is that your mom should not feel obligated to attend or send a gift, but your dad can at least buy a card and write a congratulatory message from himself to his buddy. This way he acknowledges his car pooling friend's blessing.

 

Faith

[elegantlion]

I agree with you. And I also agree I may have come across a little harsh by saying tacky. I do think it must be a cultural thing for some, not for others. Thank you for stating this so eloquently.

 

I guess I have posted with "attitude" today. I will try to go wash that away here shortly. It would have been my brother's 39th birthday today and I guess I am just wallowing in a little bit of sadness and obviously not coming across well at all. He was killed 15 years ago in a car crash. I am missing him terribly today, more so than other days. Oh, and I am not some crazy what do you call them...you know, fake people on the boards seeking some sort of something or other. I have been on these boards for YEARS, including the old boards. So, once again, I do apologize for being brash today.

 

I'm sorry about your brother. :grouphug::grouphug: My dh lost his father in a car accident many years ago. Those days are the hardest for him. :grouphug::grouphug:

[WishboneDawn]

I agree with you. And I also agree I may have come across a little harsh by saying tacky. I do think it must be a cultural thing for some, not for others. Thank you for stating this so eloquently.

 

I guess I have posted with "attitude" today. I will try to go wash that away here shortly. It would have been my brother's 39th birthday today and I guess I am just wallowing in a little bit of sadness and obviously not coming across well at all. He was killed 15 years ago in a car crash. I am missing him terribly today, more so than other days. Oh, and I am not some crazy what do you call them...you know, fake people on the boards seeking some sort of something or other. I have been on these boards for YEARS, including the old boards. So, once again, I do apologize for being brash today.

 

It's okay. We all have those days. :) I'm sorry about your brother. Mine died last winter - in a car crash as well. Sometimes I'm surprised at how I don't seem to be grieving his death but yet everything in a day or week is tainted by a bad mood that, in retrospect, is completely related to it. :grouphug:

[Firestar Academy]

I think baby celebrations are wonderful. We had a "gotcha" party for a friend who had adopted a four year old girl from Brazil who had spina bifida. They'd been doing foster care and medical temporary guardianships for years so they didn't need anything. We made it clear that it was to rejoice over Cida's arrival and gifts were not encouraged. So, there were very few gifts, but some of us closest to the parents knew they'd be doing a lot of driving to Wayne State Children's Hospital and bought them gas cards.

 

That's the way I like it. "Let's get together to celebrate this precious, human life and let us not invite our second cousin's twice removed sister-in-law in the hopes of getting more gifts." I've seen both kinds. The celebration is lovely, and yes, those close enough to know the family's needs and of economic ability to help, do bring gifts while no one else need feel obligated.

 

Under the circumstances, if your dad feels like a friend of the man, then it needs to be his responsibility to decide if he can afford a gift and what that should be. He should then extend the gift to his friend. A blessing between friends. It is tacky for you mom, who has never met them, to be invited to the shower. The tie is just not there and it's not appropriate because it can very much appear to be gift seeking.

 

Mrs. Mungo brings up a valid point that micro-cultures spring up in which appropriateness is very much locally decided and cannot be implied across the continent. The military has it's own mini-culture in order to meet the unique needs of military personnel. That's wonderful and awesome. But within the confines of our rural church with a low median income in this county and a high unemployment rate, constant showers, birthday parties, graduation openhouses, bridal showers, etc....it's offensive. People literally cannot afford to give gifts all the time even if it is only $10.00. The funds just aren't there and it's bad enough if you have to turn down someone you really know, but when you get invited to showers for people you've never met, well, then it is seen as offensive and has having ulterior motives. So, one must always consider the mini-culture in which you live.

 

Dh and I have personally forgone baby showers and birthday parties for ALL but closest relatives. I will make a homemade card and the entire family will sign it. In lieu of giving gift for others, we give as generously as we can to a local crisis pregnancy center that services moms in desperate situations.

 

My conclusion is that your mom should not feel obligated to attend or send a gift, but your dad can at least buy a card and write a congratulatory message from himself to his buddy. This way he acknowledges his car pooling friend's blessing.

 

Faith

 

Thanks. This was a really nice post. I will share this with my mother.

 

Robin

[Sputterduck]

So tacky? I think it can be but I also think it's a little tacky to assume that's always the case.

 

I agree.

 

The vitriol on this board towards people who do things a little differently or who aren't up with the teenniest tiny little fine print regarding etiquette has always left me reeling. It's FAR tackier to assume someone that you've never even met is just asking for gifts. A little bit of grace and a whole lot less "THAT'S TACKY!" judgmentalism would be so nice.

[Sputterduck]

I agree with you. And I also agree I may have come across a little harsh by saying tacky. I do think it must be a cultural thing for some, not for others. Thank you for stating this so eloquently.

 

I guess I have posted with "attitude" today. I will try to go wash that away here shortly. It would have been my brother's 39th birthday today and I guess I am just wallowing in a little bit of sadness and obviously not coming across well at all. He was killed 15 years ago in a car crash. I am missing him terribly today, more so than other days. Oh, and I am not some crazy what do you call them...you know, fake people on the boards seeking some sort of something or other. I have been on these boards for YEARS, including the old boards. So, once again, I do apologize for being brash today.

 

:grouphug: