kids don't like being read aloud to - force the issue?

[razorbackmama]

For various reasons I want to implement a more systematic read aloud time into our day. We've done non-school read alouds off and on through the years, and I'm seeing the importance of doing it. However, a couple of my kids really do. not. like. it. at. all. My oldest really causes quite a stink about it, and as soon as we are done, he is OUTTA THERE.

 

Since he is 14, do I even bother with him anymore? Honestly, he needs it the most, but it's so frustrating I want to give up. Yet "give up" is SO not in my vocabulary when it comes to my kids.;)

 

Honestly part of the reason I became inconsistent with it is because the kids were so against being read aloud to. So it's definitely not a case of "just keep it up and they'll grow to love it." I USED to be way more consistent but they complained so much and dh was gone so much that it was just easier to skip it. (And when he's home he's Mr. TV, so there again it's easier just to let them all watch TV together rather than to fight them about it.)

 

My inclination is to say "tough, you get to sit and listen anyway," but on the other hand I don't want read aloud time to be what pushes them away either, KWIM?

[Heather in WI]

Is there a need to read aloud to older children? I am genuinely curious and surprised to hear this. I read aloud to the younger boys, but haven't read aloud (other than devotionals/Bible time at night) to the oldest two in a few years.

[joysworld]

Why are you thinking your 14 yo needs it?

 

As for your younger children, are you reading things that would interest them? If so, and they still don't want to be read to, then just have them read it and report it to you. You could make it a choice for them. They can choose to let you read it, or they can choose to read it themself, and then write a report or something?? Another option, is just getting books on tape, and just have that playing through out the day.

[razorbackmama]

Is there a need to read aloud to older children? I am genuinely curious and surprised to hear this.

That's part of my question. I've always heard that children of ALL ages benefit from it.

 

Why are you thinking your 14 yo needs it?

He has comprehension issues.

 

As for your younger children, are you reading things that would interest them?

Oh yes.

 

If so, and they still don't want to be read to, then just have them read it and report it to you. You could make it a choice for them. They can choose to let you read it, or they can choose to read it themself, and then write a report or something??

 

The other one who hates it cannot read.

Another option, is just getting books on tape, and just have that playing through out the day.

They would hate books on tape most of all unless it was for school. This is just for family read aloud stuff.

[Bayt ul-Hikmah]

If I were in your situation, I would cut screen-time way back and try to find the most engaging books possible, regardless of literary value (within limits, of course). Honestly, I would probably cut all screens out entirely until reading aloud was sufficiently entertaining to keep the kids listening, but I realize that I'm at the extreme end of the spectrum on the screen issue.

[joysworld]

If I were in your situation, I would cut screen-time way back and try to find the most engaging books possible, regardless of literary value (within limits, of course). Honestly, I would probably cut all screens out entirely until reading aloud was sufficiently entertaining to keep the kids listening, but I realize that I'm at the extreme end of the spectrum on the screen issue.

 

I agree. You could make a rule that there is no screen time until out loud reading time has been done.

 

As for your 14 yo, I can understand him resisting it, especially since you are just now starting it. He probably feels like it's too babyish for him. If he is having comprehension issues, I believe there are other ways to tackle that without reading out loud to him. I'm sure others would have better suggestions for that.

[razorbackmama]

If I were in your situation, I would cut screen-time way back and try to find the most engaging books possible, regardless of literary value (within limits, of course). Honestly, I would probably cut all screens out entirely until reading aloud was sufficiently entertaining to keep the kids listening, but I realize that I'm at the extreme end of the spectrum on the screen issue.

 

I'm right there with you on that end.;)

 

Unfortunately, my husband is at the other end.:lol:

 

But I am planning to talk to him about either SEVERELY limiting it or cutting it out entirely except for when they are ill.

[razorbackmama]

As for your 14 yo, I can understand him resisting it, especially since you are just now starting it.

 

Well, I'm not just starting it, but I've been hit or miss over the past couple of years. I used to be a lot more consistent with it till I got too tired of fighting them.

He probably feels like it's too babyish for him.

 

Yes, because EVERYTHING is too babyish for him.:tongue_smilie:

[ladydusk]

Could you read while they're eating? I read (sometimes) during lunch and almost always during dinner (I eat quickly, it helps me to eat one serving which has been helpful in other ways ;)) I try to read good literature at dinner that we can all enjoy and we read "lighter" literature at lunch. (Right now we're reading Bambi and *love* it, at lunch we're supposed to be reading Stuart Little ... I should get back into the habit, but we recently read The Mouse and The Motorcycle.) Anyway, if you read while they were eating, you could vary the difficulty level some and they would have something else to be doing, so maybe they'd be interested. We've also found that we have very good family discussions while reading the same things.

[Critterfixer]

Unfortunately, my husband is at the other end

I SO understand this. Best thing in the world is that the husband is gone all week at work now. The single mom thing gets tough, but boy, do I ever love having full control of the brain-rot device. My MIL told me that my boys have told her in all seriousness, "Momma won't let us watch that, she says it will rot our brains.":001_smile:

 

Yes, because EVERYTHING is too babyish for him.

Ah, fourteen. When what you don't already know is not worth knowing.

Having read your other posts on his problems with reading comprehension I can understand his frustration though. Especially if he thinks there are more important things he could be doing. Does he like sports at all? Because I used to pull up hockey games and listen to them over the radio a lot during playoff time. And one can nearly always find a local radio station broadcasting football or basketball, etc. If he's a sports-nut he will know many of the terms and what they look like. For comprehension have him record a play-by-play summary for his father, who will be recording the game (if it is televised). They can watch it the next night an see how well he did with his summary.

 

The other one who hates it cannot read.

My younger ds7 twin hates to be read too. I think he also has some auditory issues and struggles with narration. So, it's tough bananas. He has to sit and listen. But, for him, every so often, I have him pick a book that he loves, since he does have a few heavily illustrated favorites. After he endures the reading without any pictures he gets to listen to his book.

He does love television, but right now the only allowed films are Eyewitness science videos and movies that I pick out at the library. Videos get narrated.

[regentrude]

I think it would be very hard to find read aloud material that is appropriate for the little ones and at the same time engaging for a 14 y/o. I still don't understand why he needs to be read to - that's not going to improve his reading comprehension.

 

Why do your kids hate books on tape? Have you looked into good dramatized versions that are actually entertaining? Do they realize that they can color and craft and build things while listening?

 

I would not force a 14 y/o to be read to - it would not be worth it to me.

My kids have not wanted me reading to them for several years, they prefer to read themselves. So we do not read aloud, but we do listen to audiobooks in the car.

But I don't really see the value of read alouds per se- it's nice for non-readers, but I don't see a benefit over reading.

[M&M]

Not all of my children like read aloud time, and as I have a great range of ages it does often become a challenge. What I have found works for us is, 1) find a really funny book to read --The Best Christmas Pagent Ever was our first big hit for read aloud time. It is soo funny, we read it every year now. 2) Don't read for too long, leave them wanting more. Sometimes I would even stop in the middle of a chapter for suspence or if they are losing interest. 3) For my reluctant 12yo ds, I have him read aloud a chapter to me, then he is more than happy to have me read the next chapter aloud. That gives us time to talk about what we are reading (comprehension) 4) For the same ds, I have found that WWE has given us a good sampling of books he might be interested in, and doing the narrations has really helped him with finding the main idea in his readings.

 

I find if I offer something much less appealing, the read aloud time is received in a much more positive light.

 

HTH

 

edited to add: I found that audiobooks in the car are also a great way to have read-aloud time. Librivox.org has some good free audiobooks that we have used as well at home.

Edited April 26, 2011 by M&M

[peacefully]

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[razorbackmama]

I've tried audiobooks in the car. Oh my gosh. If they could have jumped out and not been in the middle of Kansas, they would have. Only one child cared.:tongue_smilie:

 

My one with CAPD that has the distractibility due to extraneous noises issue, I make SURE he has his filter in before we start reading. That has helped IMMENSELY. He can actually FOLLOW ALONG now. I couldn't believe the difference.

 

My other CAPD kid (14yo), yep, lots of preloading, stopping when there is a strange term, encouraging visualization, etc. Basically I treat it like I'm reading to a 6yo (which I am too LOL) because at times that's about what he can understand (my 6yo is very precocious LOL).

 

We are currently reading Otis Spofford, so very funny. Tonight went better. I did have to separate the 14 and 12 yo's at one point, but that's par for the course.;)

 

Oh, sports radio - he wouldn't be able to understand what they are saying. And Dad TOTALLY would not care AT ALL. With as into sports as my dh is (not), I cannot believe he ever played football.:lol::lol::lol:

[Rosie_0801]

Is there a need to read aloud to older children? I am genuinely curious and surprised to hear this.

 

I have come to the conclusion there is. My mother stopped reading to me pretty early on. Apparently I didn't like it any more (the oldest I can remember being read to was grade 2, and I remember enjoying that.) Now I am familiar with lots of words that I'm not completely certain I know how to pronounce because I've never heard them. It's a real pain and it makes me feel like an idiot.

 

:)

Rosie

[NanceXToo]

I think reading aloud can be fun at ALL ages; however, if there was a child who absolutely hated being read aloud to and it was going to make him miserable (and therefore me miserable), no, I would not force the issue.

 

I'd look for other ways I could interact with the child, if that was what I was looking to get out of it- conversation, a board game, a movie and discussion, volunteering somewhere together etc.

 

Maybe I'd see if an audiobook on a long car ride sounded more appealing.

 

But, no, I wouldn't tell a 14 year old who didn't want to be read aloud to "tough, you have to."

[Researcher]

I understand your frustration. My DS does not enjoy read-alouds either.

 

I'll be :bigear: to the responses here to get some more ideas, but we have tried reading while they are eating. It seemed to go well (or at least better than our usual pleas to stop) so I'm going to try to continue that.

[Joyofsixreboot]

My 7yo dd really doesn't like it. Really. My 10 yo ds is ok with it if he can roll, jump, hang upside down ,etc (yes, he can tell me what we read but it drives me bonkers) . The 3yo just leaves the room so....I read to them while they eat lunch. It's a compromise. The amount of screen time doesn't seem to matter to my kids. When we have removed all screens they just play outside until it's pitch black. Of course that's pretty much all they really want to do anyway. Just an aside, once I could read I didn't want to be read to. Reading on my own was and is a joy, I just like it to be my own private world. I despise audio books.

Edited April 26, 2011 by joyofsix

[lulubelle]

I would try to keep it up. I think kids can't help but be drawn in to stories no matter the age.

 

And, for those who don't understand why you would read to an older child, you have got to read Jim Trelease's book, The Read-Aloud Handbook!

[Sweetpeach]

My 12.5 year old will play RCube or lego -- the younger will draw. My middle tells me he simple "puts up" with our out-loud reading time but he's the first one snuggled on the couch, waiting.

 

I've not always read aloud regularly but we recently stumbled over the E. Nesbit books and they seem to draw everyone in.

 

At 14, if my oldest wasn't interested in "read aloud time" that's not a hill I'd be willing to die on.

 

Warmly, Tricia

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

I would pick a book and just read it out loud. You will be surprised by what happens. My 14 yr old does not want to be read to but he is always around when I am reading to his sister. He seems to spend a long time eating a snack(within hearing distance), walks through the room constantly, will even fold laundry for me, and will find any reason to be in the den. If he missed something in the book he will ask but quickly follow it by "not that I care". This has happened for all my boys when they get a certain age, if asked to listen to a read aloud I get negativity and groans. If I just don't invite them but begin reading out loud, or turn on a book on tape, they come out of the woodwork.

[Lizzie in Ma]

For various reasons I want to implement a more systematic read aloud time into our day. We've done non-school read alouds off and on through the years, and I'm seeing the importance of doing it. However, a couple of my kids really do. not. like. it. at. all. My oldest really causes quite a stink about it, and as soon as we are done, he is OUTTA THERE.

 

Since he is 14, do I even bother with him anymore? Honestly, he needs it the most, but it's so frustrating I want to give up. Yet "give up" is SO not in my vocabulary when it comes to my kids.;)

 

Honestly part of the reason I became inconsistent with it is because the kids were so against being read aloud to. So it's definitely not a case of "just keep it up and they'll grow to love it." I USED to be way more consistent but they complained so much and dh was gone so much that it was just easier to skip it. (And when he's home he's Mr. TV, so there again it's easier just to let them all watch TV together rather than to fight them about it.)

 

My inclination is to say "tough, you get to sit and listen anyway," but on the other hand I don't want read aloud time to be what pushes them away either, KWIM?

 

I am sorry you met with such resistance. That makes it more difficult doesn't it? :grouphug:

Perhaps read aloud time could be handicraft time? My 14 year often knits or works on an art project while we do read alouds, the younger one still like to snuggle but will sometimes play on a Pilates ball. Any chance that could work? I wish I had better ideas for you. What about audiobooks at bedtime? Or in the car while you drive about? Harder to fit it in but still better than not I would think?

I do hope you find something that works, it is a most precious time of day for us, even as they get older.

[Lizzie in Ma]

At 14, if my oldest wasn't interested in "read aloud time" that's not a hill I'd be willing to die on.

Warmly, Tricia

 

I love that expression and concur.

[Farrar]

I think it would be very hard to find read aloud material that is appropriate for the little ones and at the same time engaging for a 14 y/o.

:iagree: (with this part of what you said, anyway)

 

I can imagine books that would be engaging to all, *if* the 14 yo wanted to be engaged. But since he doesn't, he obviously needs something more grown up and that's not going to appeal to the younger ones.

 

I do think read alouds and audio books can help kids with reading comprehension. When I taught middle school back when I was a school teacher, I read aloud to the kids all the time. However, I focused mostly on texts that they would find inaccessible on their own. We did some fiction, but even more nonfiction. It really helped open up discussion and understanding for many of the kids, so I think there's a huge value in it. However, I don't see it working in your situation for all your kids as a group.

[razorbackmama]

I would try to keep it up. I think kids can't help but be drawn in to stories no matter the age.

 

And, for those who don't understand why you would read to an older child, you have got to read Jim Trelease's book, The Read-Aloud Handbook!

I started reading it yesterday, and I'm not through the introduction yet. I'm hooked, and it has strengthened my resolve.

 

My 14yo says he will only be interested in books I read aloud if they are about war.:tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie: He's *slightly* into military, guns, and WW2. LOL

 

He does have CAPD, but I can't help but wonder if his particular type was CAUSED by a lack of stimulation. Since I believe firmly in neuroplasticity, I plan to exercise the part of his brain that is weakest. Hence, read alouds.:D

 

The next book I'm planning to read is one I bought my 12yo for Christmas. It's a fantasy with dragons, etc. (I think LOL!). He is in vision therapy for tracking issues, so it's too frustrating for him to read himself right now. So he's asked me to read it aloud. I hope something like that will be more appealing to the 14yo also. (I definitely plan to find something younger for the littles - they won't care at ALL for this book LOL!)

[EKS]

Is it possible that the time you do the read alouds is the problem? I know my 14yo is more than happy to listen to a read aloud during scheduled school hours, but he gets cranky about doing it after dinner during what he perceives as his free time.

[lisabees]

I can understand your frustration and your need to read aloud to your 14 year old with CAPD. My dyslexic 14 year old actually loves to be read to, but he's back at ps, so it doesn't really happen, other than in the form of an occasional audiobook. What has increased his vocabulary and comprehension is watching documentaries and BBC shows. We have some family shows (yes, difficult because of a ten year span between kids) that satisfy tv-loving dh.

 

Other than that, I would stick with realistic fiction or non-fiction for read-alouds. Making sense of made-up words in fantasy or sci-fi was too difficult for ds14 for a long time. He is reading through the Harry Potter books now, but only because he has seen the movies!

 

On the other hand, fairy tales, myths, and fables are short, sweet and appeal to many ages. Jim Trelease's book Read All About It worked well here. I am sure there are similar books out there.

 

Good luck! :001_smile:

[razorbackmama]

Is it possible that the time you do the read alouds is the problem? I know my 14yo is more than happy to listen to a read aloud during scheduled school hours, but he gets cranky about doing it after dinner during what he perceives as his free time.

I've pondered that, but our day already lasts from 8:15-almost 4.:glare:

 

I try to do it right before bed because oldest ds has trouble falling asleep sometimes, and usually that corresponds with TV/computer right before bed, which is his absolutely favorite thing to do. I'm looking to replace his screen time with something some sort of CALM activity.

 

Now that I REALLY think about it, is he balking because it's a read aloud, or is he balking because I'm not permitting screens right before bed?;)

[LidiyaDawn]

As someone who totally hates having anything read to me, I wouldn't force it on someone else..especially a 14 year old.

 

I can. not. stand. it. and have been known to snatch whatever it is away from the reader so I can just read the dang thing myself.

 

(and nope, audio books aren't any better - worse, as a matter of fact.)

 

I was the same way all through school… grade six was the worst because we had a teacher who just loved to read novels aloud to the class and always set aside time each day for this… fun… Heads down on the desk, listening quietly.

 

I gnawed bits out of mine.

[Karen in CO]

Another thing to consider, my kids don't like for my dh to read to them. It is just something about the way he reads aloud. He either reads in an uninteresting way because he is distracted and bored or tries to be overly dramatic when he reads which annoys them. Maybe try having a different reader? Also, when my ds was in his teen years, we would buddy-read instead of me reading to him. We'd take turns with each reading a page. He liked that better than just being read to.

[kristinannie]

Could you read while they're eating? I read (sometimes) during lunch and almost always during dinner (I eat quickly, it helps me to eat one serving which has been helpful in other ways ;)) I try to read good literature at dinner that we can all enjoy and we read "lighter" literature at lunch. (Right now we're reading Bambi and *love* it, at lunch we're supposed to be reading Stuart Little ... I should get back into the habit, but we recently read The Mouse and The Motorcycle.) Anyway, if you read while they were eating, you could vary the difficulty level some and they would have something else to be doing, so maybe they'd be interested. We've also found that we have very good family discussions while reading the same things.

 

:iagree: This works for my family. Lunch is an especially good time in our house for read alouds. Dinner is more for seeing Daddy and hearing about everything that happened that day. I also let my kids play with something while I read at other times (color a picture, silly putty, cars, etc). I have found that my DS definitely retains more of what he hears if his hands are busy.

[kristinannie]

One more thing...maybe could your DS14 do some of the reading aloud to the youngers? Maybe that would get him more excited about it. As far as reading comprehension issues, check out The Struggling Reader Comprehension Test and Activity Book.

[hellen]

I'm another adult that hates read alouds. I didn't like them as a child and I don't like them now. My mind wanders when listening. Even when I'm reading aloud to my child I sometimes lose focus and read without hearing what I'm reading.

[razorbackmama]

Another thing to consider, my kids don't like for my dh to read to them. It is just something about the way he reads aloud. He either reads in an uninteresting way because he is distracted and bored or tries to be overly dramatic when he reads which annoys them. Maybe try having a different reader? Also, when my ds was in his teen years, we would buddy-read instead of me reading to him. We'd take turns with each reading a page. He liked that better than just being read to.

This is exactly why my dh doesn't read aloud. Gosh, when he administers their Iowa tests, I can't stand to be in the room LOL!!!

 

One more thing...maybe could your DS14 do some of the reading aloud to the youngers? Maybe that would get him more excited about it. As far as reading comprehension issues, check out The Struggling Reader Comprehension Test and Activity Book.

Thanks for the recommendation!

 

I'm sure he'd hate to read aloud to everyone, to be honest.:tongue_smilie:

 

I'm another adult that hates read alouds. I didn't like them as a child and I don't like them now. My mind wanders when listening. Even when I'm reading aloud to my child I sometimes lose focus and read without hearing what I'm reading.

If it ever becomes a bother, you might want to look into CAPD.;)