Insight needed.....weight and a 4yo.

[Tap]

Wow this got reallllly long. Feel free to abandon now. LOL

 

 

Background: Dh, my bio-kids and myself are all very thin gentically. My kids have never had a limit on healthy food or snacks and have always worn a size slim/long. Weight/hunger issues are not something I really know much about....other than to feed a hungry child.

 

I have wanted to post this for a long time, but worry about offending anyone. Please if you read this post, understand that I really am ignorant on these issues and don't mean any intentional harm or disrespect to anyone.

 

DD4 is adopted but is also my bio-great-niece so I know her genetics on the maternal side. She has visitations with her bio-father, so I have some knowledge of him as well. She has always been at the top of growth charts at 90% or above, both height and weight, but heavier than taller, always. Right now she is 4.5yo and weighs 50-55lbs. She wears a size 5/6 in length but I have to buy a size 7 pants that are not low cut, to cover her bottom (it is a bit ummm- round) and then roll up the cuffs. I can not buy most brands of clothes, even is a size 6 because they won't fit her waist. She definitely has a belly, and even in a size 6/7, will have a muffin top over her pants. I would say she is visually 'overweight' but I do realize that she is 4yo and it can be typical of her age. To get pants that fit her waist, I have bought capris in a size or two larger that she wears. They reach her feet and go around her waist. :(

 

DD4's bio-gma---My half-sister is 5'7" and wears an XL or 1X size. She was very thin (size 4) until she had her daughter at 26 and then she has stayed heavier since then. She carries her weight around her stomach, it is not distributed about her body.

Bio-mom---My niece is 5'6" and has weighed well over 220lbs several times (not incl pgys). The smallest I have seen her as a young teen is an adult L-XL size. She carries her weight more evenly than my sister and I would guess wears an 1X-2X size right now (she had a baby 14mths ago).

Bio---dad is under 6' and wears a 2X (his mom told me the size). They eat a lot of junk food but honestly, bio-mom and bio-dad are also built stocky. If they were very fit, I would still expect them to wear a size large.

 

One of my 4 other sisters has PCOS, type 2 diabetes, and 2 types of thyroid disorders.....she is overweight as well, after being a very thin teen. DD4 has been tested for diabetes and thyroid issues, to watch for any genetic link to health and her behavior issues.

 

I have been to an 'all you can eat buffet' with my niece and the bio-father. My niece had a healthy assortment of foods. She ate a generous portion, but not what I would consider way-over-the-top. She was raised to eat healthy but drinks huge 64 ounce sodas. The bio-father had plate, after plate, after plate of carb-heavy-greasy-foods. My niece finally had to tell him to stop eating after 4 heaping plates full. She has mentioned before that he gorges on food.

 

 

Issue...I am starting to get worried about dd4s weight. It seems like she is ALWAYS hungry. She will eat a meal and then 30 minutes later, say she is starving again. ie 2 nights ago. She had a pork chop, rice pilaf, and mixed veggies. She had a generous serving of pork (protein), a second helping of rice. Immediately after dinner she had a Tofu ice cream bar (dairy allergic). She was asking for food again 30 minutes later. She had eaten a full chop, at least a cup of rice and 1/2 cup of veggies (it had peas-so she wouldn't eat any more). The tofu bar is another 1/2 cup serving. She had about 4 ounces of 100% fruit juice with her dinner. I know this isn't a great example of a balanced meal, and even though it was a lot of rice, she didn't even make it 30 minutes without asking for food. I ate less than her and was still very full from dinner at that point.

 

I know from experience that if I allowed her to back to the table, she would have eaten another full meal. Instead, I told her she needed to wait to eat again and distracted her until her bedtime snack.

 

I give her protein at every meal, and lower carbs than I would give my other children. We eat a lot of whole grains/nuts/seeds. I limit her to 3 fresh, whole fruit servings and 8ounces of juice/rice milk a day. The rest is water. Not because I think they are unhealthy, but because I feel she doesn't need that many calories. Veggies are common at every meal except breakfast, and often a snack is veggie and protein based. Snacks like chips or crackers are small portions and served with a protein like goat cheese or yogurt.

 

We do allow desserts. One very small one after lunch (a few chocolate chips, 3-5 jelly beans, a small candy etc) and one after dinner (1/4-1/2 cup ice cream, 2 small cookies, etc). She loves sweets and I find having 2 small ones a day, helps her to understand when/how much she will get.

 

 

 

Do you think I should be concerned? Her doctor knows how we eat (we actually talk about it because my other kids are so thin) so he never comments on her weight as being an food-based-issue. She is very active and is physically healthy. She has creases around her wrists that come and go as she has growth spurts. But, at 4.5 yo, should she even have deep creases during her heavier times, before growing? As a baby yes....but as a 4yo?

 

I typically feed her 3 meals and 3 largish snacks a day. This is pretty much every 2-2.5 hours. I can't cut out the snacks and go for bigger meals because she is in daycare part of the week, and they always have snacks. I don't think it would work to have 2 different meal schedules.

 

I am not asking if I should try to have her lose weight, but more about going forward. Should I be concerned and alter what I am doing now? My instinct tells me to feed a child who is hungry. My instinct tells me that she is a young child and has a certain amount of baby-fat. Then I think about her parents and I wonder if I am setting her up to fail later, based on what I am teaching her now. Genetically, she will be stocky (the bones in her wrist at 4yo are the same size or larger than mine now). But, what habits can I teach her now, so she isn't burdened with excess weight later.

 

What is healthy food consumption for a child, when they don't seem to have an internal 'off' switch? How do I create healthy limits, with out setting her up for eating disorders?

 

If she was thin and ate this way....I wouldn't worry a bit, and would chalk it up to a high metabolism. But she isn't thin...... so at what point do I worry? How do I gauge the difference between stocky and overweight? I don't want anyone to think, that I expect her to be thin....that isn't it at all. Thin for her body type right now, would be unhealthy. I just want her to be healthy, fit and comfortable with who she is.

[KristinaBreece]

:grouphug: My DS is 4.5, and he's been sitting at 55 lbs. I've asked his doctor about it, but he says that DS's height/weight are proportionate, and that they've both remained steadily on about the same curve since he was a year old. He said his clothes could be a good indicator of when I should worry, because, although he's wearing a size 6 pants, they fit him around his waist and in the length. I would ask her doctor about it, and try cutting back on sugars (starches & sweets) for everyone for a bit to see if that helps.

 

That said, some people are just built bigger. If her ped isn't worried, and her height/weight has been consistent, I would chalk it up to body type & continue making sure she's eating a healthy diet.

 

ETA: I redirect requests for food between our set meal/snack times, too. For everyone. Both my big 4-y-o, and the small, thin 5-y-o I babysit during the week. We have 3 meals & 3 snacks. Everyone. Every day. I also don't allow sugary snacks for anyone more than twice a week. (No problem for my 2, who would rather eat carrots & green peppers than cookies & chips, but it certainly makes the other little guy angry.) All that to say, it sounds like you're doing fine & trying your best to build good habits for her. 2 servings of rice, 1 serving of protein & a serving of veggies is a decently balanced meal-- most kids are resistant to more than a serving of veggies at a time. As long as you're consistent from day-to-day & child to child, I would think you're setting her up for success.

Edited April 3, 2011 by KristinaBreece

[Tap]

:grouphug: He said his clothes could be a good indicator of when I should worry, because, although he's wearing a size 6 pants, they fit him around his waist and in the length. .

 

I think this is why I am getting a bit worried right now. Her belly/bottom are obviously large but until now, she always been in relative proportion. This past year, things have shifted. She is gaining weight faster than height. I found myself thinking that just up-sizing clothes may not be enough any more. I may have to go buy her plus-sized girls clothes, to cover her belly w/o the length.

 

I do wonder though if part of it is a style/cut difference between the 4-5-6 size clothes and the 6x-7- and up. I wonder if the waist is cut smaller? As kids age and lose the baby fat around school age, do they cut them different, making the difference more obvious to me now.

[Mom-ninja.]

No advice just :grouphug:. A friend of mine, who is thin, has a 7 yr dd who is not. My friend makes sure the family eats very healthy, and I've heard her talking to her dd at times. If her dd has just eaten and asks for more, my friend asks her if what her tummy is saying. Is her tummy really saying it's hungry or does the food just taste good and she wants more? Is she asking because she's bored?

 

My friend's in-laws are heavy so I'm sure her dd has the genetics to just be bigger.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I do wonder though if part of it is a style/cut difference between the 4-5-6 size clothes and the 6x-7- and up. I wonder if the waist is cut smaller? As kids age and lose the baby fat around school age, do they cut them different, making the difference more obvious to me now.

 

I think this is it. 4 year olds have tummys - at least mine did.

[KristinaBreece]

I think this is why I am getting a bit worried right now. Her belly/bottom are obviously large but until now, she always been in relative proportion. This past year, things have shifted. She is gaining weight faster than height. I found myself thinking that just up-sizing clothes may not be enough any more. I may have to go buy her plus-sized girls clothes, to cover her belly w/o the length.

 

I do wonder though if part of it is a style/cut difference between the 4-5-6 size clothes and the 6x-7- and up. I wonder if the waist is cut smaller? As kids age and lose the baby fat around school age, do they cut them different, making the difference more obvious to me now.

 

That does make a lot of sense. Little girls tend to have tummies, and they generally lose them as they get older... That could definitely lead to sizing issues. I might look into little girls plus sizes for a bit while she's growing into her tummy and bottom.

[Joy at Home]

I'm anxious to read the responses, as I have the SAME EXACT issue with dd4. Seriously, I was just talking to a friend about this yesterday. She is always hungry. Just as you described, will eat a man size serving of dinner and claim she is hungry right after. She asks for food all day long. I don't know where she falls on the growth chart, but she is visibly "pudgy".

 

I'm planning on talking with her doctor about this during her next visit and possibly doing bloodwork. Other than offering her only healthy snacks between meals, I'm not sure what do.

 

Lisa

[Chris in VA]

There are some questions I would want to ask--

 

Does she have any food sneaking behaviour? Does she have smaller hands and feet than average? Was she able to breastfeed? Does she have any other symptoms of Prader-Willi?

 

Does she have any gluten intolerances?

 

Is she "windy?" Could some of her belly be bloating?

 

How is her activity level? Realllly look--short bursts of activity followed mostly by standing around can make it look like she's doing more than she is.

 

Is she eating as a recreational activity?

 

If all of that is under control, then I'd chalk it up to just her body type. I'd just keep offering lots of healthy stuff, particularly vegetables and protein. I'd cut juice entirely and cut fruits to 2 a day (or 3 if they are lower sugar fruits, like green apples). If dairy is ok in your family and she can tolerate it, 2-4 servings of skim milk can be helpful in controlling belly fat (I think it's the calcium in the milk, but I'm not sure). Lots of activity can help. There's also increasing evidence that babies given formula can develop more fat cells during the first year, so she could be fighting that if she's already genetically larger and bottle fed.

[Carrie12345]

:grouphug: Not much advice here, but I wanted you to know that I completely understand the conflict in your head. My kids are all tall and lean and eat like pigs, just like I was until I hit my mid-teens. I'm always thinking about the habits I try to instill and whether or not they'll carry over long term.

And my toddler niece is a bit stocky, which is fine now, but my sister struggles with weight like I do, and my nieces biological father is *extremely* large with bad eating habits (though he's not in her life.)

It feels wrong to look at a *child* and think about these things, but that's got to be better than ignoring it, right?

 

I suppose I would just try to keep focusing on the nutritious offerings and activity level for now, and bring the topic up with her pediatrician.

[nono]

. She has creases around her wrists that come and go as she has growth spurts. But, at 4.5 yo, should she even have deep creases during her heavier times, before growing? As a baby yes....but as a 4yo?

 

 

 

Oh, I had that crease! I remember because my Mom talked about it. (Not then, but when I was older). I was a heavy little one -- stocky! I had that crease until around 1st grade, judging from pictures.

 

I don't ever remember being hungry though -- but I ate big, adult meals from first grade onward. Healthy, but big. Today, when I want to lose weight, that whole 5-6 small meals a day thing doesn't work for me -- I do better if I eat 2 BIG meals a day and one fruit meal (and it can be in any order). Then, I'm not hungry.

 

I think your concerns are valid. Just giving you my history as a study of 1 in case it might also work for your dd! :grouphug:

[SailorMom]

I think it's great to be paying attention to - but she sounds like she is still within the normal range. My boys would both plump out a bit before a major growth spurt and then be twigs again for a while...

Only have healthy snacks in the house, and get the kids out to play a lot :) She'll be fine.

[TXMomof4]

Oh, I had that crease! I remember because my Mom talked about it. (Not then, but when I was older). I was a heavy little one -- stocky! I had that crease until around 1st grade, judging from pictures.

 

I don't ever remember being hungry though -- but I ate big, adult meals from first grade onward. Healthy, but big. Today, when I want to lose weight, that whole 5-6 small meals a day thing doesn't work for me -- I do better if I eat 2 BIG meals a day and one fruit meal (and it can be in any order). Then, I'm not hungry.

 

I think your concerns are valid. Just giving you my history as a study of 1 in case it might also work for your dd! :grouphug:

 

My oldest had creases on her thighs at 4. One summer, she started the summer with creases and grew out of them - she had big white triangles from tan lines. It was hilarious.

[Tohru]

Non-fermented soy/tofu is really, really, really bad. It's even worse when it's processed, such as soy-ice cream, soy sausage, etc. That might be one of the primary reasons she is poochy.

 

Personally, I'd eliminate all soy and corn syrup from her diet and go from there. And perhaps let her nosh all throughout the day, rather than eating big meals. Family mealtime can be just another scheduled nosh-time for her.

[WistfulRidge]

Your DD sounds like me. I was exactly like that when I was younger. To be honest, I'm like that now as an adult if I don't eat right. If I don't get a certain amount of protein in relation to certain amounts of grain-based carbs, fruits, and vegetables I am starving all. the. time.

 

I'd try upping her protein. Once I hit my teens and had more control over what I ate I started experimenting with my diet and I discovered that I needed a very high protein diet. When I'm pregnant I have to eat over 100 grams a day or else I'm so hungry that I'll just mindlessly graze on carbs (my mom needs a grain-based diet in order to function well, so turning to something grain based when I'm hungry is still an auto pilot thing for me) and never get full. Even if I catch myself and switch to filling up on fresh fruits/veggies with a side of protein, if there isn't enough protein I will still eat way more than necessary. Pre-pregnancy/breastfeeding I needed 60-80 grams/day. There is no way that a normal sized portion of meat (a chicken breast, a pork chop, an egg or two etc) would have provided enough protein per meal/snack for me. I tend to fill up on protein and fresh produce with just a nibble of carbs (if any) at meals. I also don't count fresh fruit as carbs (even though they are) because I find if I keep strictly to the veggies, even with the right amount of protein, I fall back to being hungry all the time. The carbs in grain don't fill be up, but the carbs in fresh fruit go a long way to binding the whole meal/snack together for me.

 

Make sure she's drinking enough water as well. If I'm not getting enough water then I resort to carb grazing/ feeling starving.

Edited April 3, 2011 by theAmbitiousHousewife

[bbmom]

Does she drink enough water throughout the day? A lot of times kids say they are hungry when they are really thirsty. If she comes back right after a good meal and says she is hungry, try giving her a glass of water and telling her if she is still hungry in 30 minutes (maybe set a timer) she can have a snack.

 

You could also try the muffin tin idea-this has really reduced the constant request for food in our house. In the morning set out a muffin tin of snacks for the day and when they are gone, they are gone, so she has control over when she eats them, but if she eats them all by 10 a.m. she knows she is done for the day and if she comes to you saying she is hungry you can point her to her muffin tin.

 

Also, a friend of ours who was also dealing with her kids asking ALL day for food just decided what was reasonable snacking for her kids in a day and after that was gone she would offer them a choice of sliced cucumber or pepper or raw broccoli as a snack (without dip)-she says they usually decide they aren't hungry after all. :D

[Snickerdoodle]

One of my 4 other sisters has PCOS, type 2 diabetes, and 2 types of thyroid disorders <snip> (dairy allergic)

 

With this information, I'd be asking more about food allergies and intolerance. I'd be particularly interested on how she would do being gluten free (despite whatever the doctor may say).

[Denisemomof4]

Hi, Friend! This is another thing we have in common. I'm not sure if what I'm doing is right, but this is where we're at right now.

 

When dd came home from the orphanage, she'd eat until she threw up. She'd eat and eat and eat and never be satisfied. The pediatrician said to allow her to eat until she threw up, that she'd eventually outgrow it. Well, after about two years of that advice I just couldn't follow it anymore. I started to feed her good sized portions, but I didn't allow her to over eat. She always wanted more. She always wanted to eat between meals. I didn't allow it. That went on for about five years!!! Only in the past 6 months or so do I allow her to eat what she wants again. I also felt like by limiting her I was somehow setting her up to have an eating disorder later in life. I've seen other moms do that and I see how it affects the kids, so I thought I'd try to have her eat more freely again.

 

Well, in this short amount of time she has gained a LOT of weight. She has a VERY round rear end, very full legs, a very round belly at the end of the day. She doesn't care and I am starting not to. She's 8 now. Do I want her to have health issues? No. But I see that there's a huge, empty hole in her heart and food comforts her. Because of her issues, PEOPLE can't comfort her but food does. I've decided to no longer make it an issue. I do worry about what the pediatrician will say at her next check-up because I know she's gained a lot of weight. But she is most definitely happier.

 

I know many orphanage kids have issues with food and hoarding it/gorging. I just don't want to make this an issue anymore. I do not know her genetics, so you do have that to consider. I think I would try to gear a diet towards her genetic disposition more but still allow her to eat the quantity she wants.

 

I think both our dd's just have issues and food is a source of comfort for them. That's not healthy either, but I think if they have some freedom and choice in the matter it can only be good.

 

I'm rushing here and hope this makes sense!

 

:grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

I think this is why I am getting a bit worried right now. Her belly/bottom are obviously large but until now, she always been in relative proportion. This past year, things have shifted. She is gaining weight faster than height. I found myself thinking that just up-sizing clothes may not be enough any more. I may have to go buy her plus-sized girls clothes, to cover her belly w/o the length.

 

I do wonder though if part of it is a style/cut difference between the 4-5-6 size clothes and the 6x-7- and up. I wonder if the waist is cut smaller? As kids age and lose the baby fat around school age, do they cut them different, making the difference more obvious to me now.

 

I will be buying dd8 husky pants soon. She just turned 8 and weighs as much as my 11dd weighs and her head barely reaches dd's shoulders. :001_huh:

[Remudamom]

Our oldest was a "little round man", he'd be a bit tubby, then grow some, then get tubby again and then grow some more. Our ped said not to worry about it. Now that he's grown I think he's too thin. But he's definitely not the little round man anymore.

[LostSurprise]

This is a hard one because it could be a few things.

 

I think your diet sounds good. It may be that she doesn't know what 'hungry' means. It could mean that she feels like she wants to eat. We talk about and point out times when our tummies feel not-hungry, very full, and very hungry (empty). We have a term here 'I just feel like a taste' to describe that wanting sensation when you just want to snack but your stomach isn't empty.

 

Or she may need more water. You could count her ounces per day and see if it matches healthy levels for her age. Most people confuse hunger and thirst.

 

I had a son who was chunky from birth to @6. For some reason he hit a big growth spurt and outdistanced his baby fat at that age. He's now my skinniest child, and the one who was skinny from birth is struggling with food issues and weight (11-12).

 

If you're worried I would keep non-starch veggies for extra snacks. I don't think some celery, broccoli, or peppers would hurt if she's truly hungry. You could check the carb-load of specific vegetables if you're worried. Normally she'd have to eat a lot to match other snacks.

[amy g.]

My 12 year old was very round at that age. Clothes were not an issue because she only wore dresses.

 

My food rules were

 

1. Eat when you are hungry.

2. Stop when you are full.

3. Don't drink calories.

4. No heavily processed foods.

5. We buy healthy food, but never limit it.

 

She did summer swim team, and soccer in the fall, and homeschool PE, bike riding 2 mornings a week, and lap swimming 3 mornings a week.

 

Yesterday, when she was trying on her new bathing suit was the first time I have ever looked at her and thought she looked proportionate. I think she must have had a recent growth spurt. I think she always looked lovely, even when she was rolly polly.

 

My current 4 year old, on the other hand is borderline underweight. I think it looks unattractive, and I don't know of any way to camouflage it.

 

My husband's family has 2 distinct body types. Everyone gets one or the other. My DNA has not really affected this situation.

[Dobela]

My dd just turned 4 last week. She has a small tummy, a large behind, and weighs about 42 pounds. Her body shape is more rectangle than anything else. According to the doctor, she is normal on the scales and charts.

 

Girl's clothing is a royal pain for me to buy for her. I get so very frustrated trying to buy her clothing. There just are not many husky or 1/2 sizes for little girls. Then my mom had the great idea to go to the boys department. We buy all, or most, of her jeans and shorts there. When I couldn't squeeze her into a 5T or a 6 in little girls, a boys regular 4T jean fit her just perfect. It wasn't low cut, it wasn't skinny cut, her bottom didn't hang out, they were fuller in the seat and thighs, it was just perfect. I don't buy carpenter styles, or really boyish looking pants, only the plain ones. And, because the jeans fit her well, it really made her figure look slimmer. We buy the plain ones then my mom uses her embroidery machine and patches to embellish the pants. It works out well for us. Oh, the shorts for boys are made longer too so they are easily knee length on dd. And, I can't tell you how many moms and others have complemented us on her jeans/pants/shorts.

 

As far as shirts, they are made to current adult fashion - skin tight. I also am buying size 8 and 10 for my daughter, depending on how the shirt is made. I don't even think twice about it or worry about it. I want them loose and longer for more modesty. They look attractive on her if I buy the right shirt. What does the size on the tag matter? It was more difficult in the winter and I did have to roll sleeves or cut some.

Edited April 3, 2011 by Dobela
spelling

[lollie010]

This may not be helpful at all (maybe a rabbit trail not worth chasing) but my sweet girl (4 at the time) was doing the same thing for a long time. She was constantly saying that she was hungry 30 minutes after eating. When I asked her to describe the sensation she was experiencing she described it as hunger/burning. Everytime she ate a meal (particularly at large one) she would be "hungry" afterwards. I recognized this as a symptom I had with ulcers. I made an appointment with a doctor that we love and expressed my concerns. He said that burning/hunger sensation 30 minutes after eating was a classic symptom of stomach ulcers and/or severe acid reflux. I hated for her to have to go through it, but she had an upper GI test. It was not really that bad for her and confirmed my suspicions.

 

The took medication for about 2 weeks and was like a different child. She still using acid reducing medication occassionally (once every few months) and does not come back asking for food anymore. She still has a very healthy appetite though and is certainly not thin. But, I think she would have continued to gain weight if we had not treated the real issue.

 

I don't want to sidetrack you, but that was our experience.

[Tap]

Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement. I will try to not worry too much about it.

 

Just to touch on a couple of thoughts:

 

DD4 does drink a lot of water, so it isn't a hunger/thirst issue. We just don't encourage a lot of beverage during a meal.

 

The thought of GI issues is a consideration that I will peruse further.

 

Switching to boys clothes....would delight her. LOL She is a such tom boy! I will look into that.

 

 

 

Thanks again, I appreciate your help.