Have you done a big life change, after many years of the same lifestyle?

[Colleen in NS]

I'm just wondering who here has made a major life change/lifestyle change/big move, after being "settled" for oh, say between 15-20 years or more. What did you do? What was it like for you? Were you scared? If so, how did you cope with that or make the decision to go forward anyway? What was it like leaving the "familiar" and going to the unfamiliar? Did you have any regrets? If so, how did you cope with them? Or did you think you'd have regrets and then the possible regrets never appeared?

 

BTW, I'm not talking about what I'd call negative changes, like divorce or death, or moving because you were compelled to because of a company shifting you or dh to another location. I'm talking about dreaming up something good, checking out the real possibilities, and carrying it out.

 

Please tell me your stories, and answer any questions I forgot to ask, lol. Esp. if, at the time, you were over 40 and still in the midst of raising a family.

 

Thanks.

[nono]

Well starting at 30, I was no longer afraid.

 

I moved to the country. LOVED it. My suburban DH, did not. Marriage ended (mostly because I'm a PITRear), but also because he couldn't take the change.

 

Next, I went to NYC. Met my dh. We had wonderful, wonderful years there. Then, we bought a shore house. After a couple years, we decided we wanted a family (close to 40). We checked out of corporate America, and moved to the shore full-time, and adopted and are raising our children.

 

It's awesome! Totally not what either of us imagined our lives to be. Sometimes, there are things just past your comfort-zone that are so much better than your imagination can imagine.

 

:001_wub:

[MIch elle]

After 15 yrs as a stay at home mom and 11 yrs homeschooling, I'm no longer homeschooling and am now working part-time for money (college money, ya know & not mine ;)). I have to re-define who I am and what I want to do so that it works for me AND my family.

[Harriet Vane]

I'm working on a big change right now. We have spent the last 14 years living as racial minorities in a difficult urban neighborhood for the purpose of racial reconciliation and neighborhood development. After 14 years, we are struggling with burn-out, both on the urban issues but also on the rehab issues for our 110yo fixer-upper. Dh recently got a job in the suburbs, and we have been trying for months to find a good family to rent or buy our home so that we can move to the (calmer, quieter) suburbs.

[Tutor]

Five years ago my dh quit his job and we moved south so he could attend university. We love it here.

 

Now, just as he is starting the dissertation process and looking for fellowships or jobs, we are starting three businesses (yes, three; two by choice and the other is a long story :D). Venturing into the world of small business scares me... doing it x3 is downright terrifying, but also very exhilarating and I am so glad we are going it (most days).

[Heather in Neverland]

I'm just wondering who here has made a major life change/lifestyle change/big move, after being "settled" for oh, say between 15-20 years or more. What did you do? What was it like for you? Were you scared? If so, how did you cope with that or make the decision to go forward anyway? What was it like leaving the "familiar" and going to the unfamiliar? Did you have any regrets? If so, how did you cope with them? Or did you think you'd have regrets and then the possible regrets never appeared?

 

BTW, I'm not talking about what I'd call negative changes, like divorce or death, or moving because you were compelled to because of a company shifting you or dh to another location. I'm talking about dreaming up something good, checking out the real possibilities, and carrying it out.

 

Please tell me your stories, and answer any questions I forgot to ask, lol. Esp. if, at the time, you were over 40 and still in the midst of raising a family.

 

Thanks.

 

uhhhh.....YUP! :D But you know my story.

[regentrude]

Does moving to another country count? Different language, a few thousand miles from friends and family?

[Liz CA]

Diet changes, job changes, family changes (ds moved out).

I may be looking at changing professional fields but I am looking forward to it, at least to the possibilities that lie ahead.

[katemary63]

We left an afluent WI suburb, a nice big house, and the area we had both been raised in to buy a 160 cattle ranch in a po-dunk town in AR. Everybody said we were crazy and we were. But we love it. Have to admit it's been hard. Leaving was hard. Cleaving was hard. But now, after 8 years, this is home and we wouldn't trade it for the world.

[Colleen in NS]

We checked out of corporate America, and moved to the shore full-time, and adopted and are raising our children.

 

It's awesome! Totally not what either of us imagined our lives to be. Sometimes, there are things just past your comfort-zone that are so much better than your imagination can imagine.

 

So why did you check out of corporate America and move to the shore? Did you have businesses/jobs/savings to do that already? Or did you go cold-turkey? And what is awesome about it? And how is it different from what you imagined?

 

After 15 yrs as a stay at home mom and 11 yrs homeschooling, I'm no longer homeschooling and am now working part-time for money (college money, ya know & not mine ;)). I have to re-define who I am and what I want to do so that it works for me AND my family.

 

What are you doing for work and is it different from what you thought you'd be doing?

 

I'm working on a big change right now. We have spent the last 14 years living as racial minorities in a difficult urban neighborhood for the purpose of racial reconciliation and neighborhood development. After 14 years, we are struggling with burn-out, both on the urban issues but also on the rehab issues for our 110yo fixer-upper. Dh recently got a job in the suburbs, and we have been trying for months to find a good family to rent or buy our home so that we can move to the (calmer, quieter) suburbs.

 

So you're not coming to Canada after all, eh? :D

 

This will sound silly - but do you ever feel guilty for "leaving" what you set out to do in your neighbourhood? If so, how do you deal with that? Or does the motivation to have calm and quiet for your family outweigh any guilt?

 

Five years ago my dh quit his job and we moved south so he could attend university. We love it here.

 

Now, just as he is starting the dissertation process and looking for fellowships or jobs, we are starting three businesses (yes, three; two by choice and the other is a long story :D). Venturing into the world of small business scares me... doing it x3 is downright terrifying, but also very exhilarating and I am so glad we are going it (most days).

 

Was it scary to have dh quit his job and start something completely new? Sounds like you moved from the "familiar" - what was that like? How long did it take for you to "love it here?"

 

And I wouldn't mind hearing your long story, if you care to share.

 

uhhhh.....YUP! :D But you know my story.

 

LOL! I thought about you after I posted! You are the ultimate in life changes! OK, but I do have a question - where do you get your confidence to pull up and move to the other side of the earth while making sure your family is going to be alright?

 

Does moving to another country count? Different language, a few thousand miles from friends and family?

 

YES!! Please, elaborate!

 

I may be looking at changing professional fields but I am looking forward to it, at least to the possibilities that lie ahead.

 

Elaborate? (only if you want to)

 

We left an afluent WI suburb, a nice big house, and the area we had both been raised in to buy a 160 cattle ranch in a po-dunk town in AR. Everybody said we were crazy and we were. But we love it. Have to admit it's been hard. Leaving was hard. Cleaving was hard. But now, after 8 years, this is home and we wouldn't trade it for the world.

 

What made you decide to do that? How did you come to a decision? How did you cope with leaving and cleaving? How did the new place become home?

 

Thanks for indulging me, ladies! Oh, and I'm all ears for more stories! The more detailed, the better.

[Colleen in NS]

:lurk5:

[Michelle in AL]

Well, I totally changed my life as a result of negative circumstances, but I'm thinking they have positive results.

 

I've been a SAHM and homeschooler for 15 yrs. I did work part time for my husband, but it was a job I hated. I recently quit that job and took a job as a nurse on a cancer floor. I'll work mostly weekends, 2 12 hr shifts so I can still be home with my family lots.

 

I also applied and was accepted to get my nurse practitioner's degree and will start in summer.

 

What I've found is that I am TONS happier being around other people a couple days a week. I wasn't unhappy at all before, but I've so enjoyed doing this so far. My kids are happier. They have stepped up to the plate and take care of the house, meals and transportation while I'm gone. My husband is happier. I think the stress of being the sole provider has really helped. Out whole dynamic has changed.

 

I never thought working would bring this many positive changes, and I'm not sure it would have been as positive a thing if I would've done it when my girls were younger.

[Harriet Vane]

 

So you're not coming to Canada after all, eh? :D

 

This will sound silly - but do you ever feel guilty for "leaving" what you set out to do in your neighbourhood? If so, how do you deal with that? Or does the motivation to have calm and quiet for your family outweigh any guilt?

 

.

 

We actually would have LOVED to go to Canada. When we visited we really fell in love with the Waterloo area. It seemed like everything we wanted, and the folks at the company for which dh would have worked were soooo friendly. We are grateful for the job dh accepted here in Illinois (better job responsibilities, better pay, close to family) but think of Waterloo with a tug in our hearts.

 

There are a lot of mixed feelings about leaving the city. I was burned out years ago, so for me it will be a blessed relief. I am soooo ready to be done with street noise, drunks on my lawn, and rehab on my 110yo house. I am also ready to let my kids have more freedom somewhere safer.

 

On the other hand, we have so many really, truly, lovely neighbors. I hate to leave the friendships I have here. We have felt a need to go about this transition slowly and make sure that whoever gets our house will be both prepared for the reality here and also good for the neighborhood.

 

When I first started coping with the burn out, I did feel an ENORMOUS burden of guilt. The guilt still twinges from time to time. Mostly, however, I feel that I have given sacrificially, grown and learned a lot, and that it's okay to do something else now.

[Sukale]

I grew up in a really small town in WV. All of my neighbors were family, everyone knew everyone. We all lived on what was once my great grand parents huge farm. My parents, grandparents, great aunts and uncles, aunts and uncles, and cousins. There was plenty of land that was in the family so that was just were you lived when you got married.

 

My husband worked as a welder in a welding shop. He went to the hospital one night with what we thought was metal in his eye because he had a little blind spot. Long story short, he had a stroke. We found out he had MVP and needed open heart surgery at age 22, me 23 and we just had our baby girl. All went well. But doing hard labor was hard for him. So he worked and went to school so he could become a welding instructor at the college. But to get a job teaching we had to move to SC.

 

We moved here not knowing anyone. Found a place to rent online and moved a week after he got the job offer.

 

It has been hard to live away from family, but it has made us realize we can make it on our own.

[regentrude]

YES!! Please, elaborate!

 

 

I came to the US from Germany because that's where DH got a job.

My home city: eight hundred years old, half a million people, CULTURE (talk theaters, opera, museums, historic buildings); lived there for 30 years, all my friends and family there.

Moved to: a small town of 16,000 in the Midwest; DH and the kids are my only family in this country, two hours drive to the closest city.

With this move, I also had a career change. Before kids I was a research scientist, then a SAHM for several years - when we came here I began teaching at the university.

 

I am still getting homesick after nine years of living here. I hate the town.

But I LOVE my job, I like my colleagues, I find the people here very friendly and that makes up for the place. And we find beauty in the surroundings and go hiking a lot.

 

What is hard for me is to see my kids have a completely different childhood than mine. My childhood experiences include early independence(10 y/olds are using public transit back home), great school, closeness to grandmothers and extended family. Theirs is seeing their grandparents once a year, being driven by mom everywhere, homeschooling out of necessity, not choice. Sometimes it is hard to accept that this is OK. Not sure if this makes sense.

On the plus side, they grow up completely bilingual and are doing a good job straddling both cultures. they will be at home here. I don't think it will ever completely feel "home" for me - I am pretty sure many first generation immigrants will always feel that their country of origin is "home".

[elinnea]

I moved to Germany in my early 20s. Kind of the opposite of regentrude.

 

I moved from a large exciting metropolitan area with TONS of activities to a very boring village (not the cute kind you see in the movies or on postcards either). After a few years we did end up moving back to dh's hometown (a larger city) and I loved living there. The only really hard part was dealing with dh's family. Both his grandparents and his parents lived next door to us and, frankly, I found it stifling. Very controlling people.

 

My Mom started having health problems a few years back and we decided to move back to the States to be closer to my family. My family (in contrast to dh's) is very close-knit. I love being "back home" but I think once you have lived overseas that you get a feeling that you don't fit in....anywhere.

[nono]

So why did you check out of corporate America and move to the shore? Did you have businesses/jobs/savings to do that already? Or did you go cold-turkey? And what is awesome about it? And how is it different from what you imagined?

 

 

 

Well, for me personally, after losing many, many customers in the Sept. 11 attacks, and spending a couple years helping IT depts. rebuild, I just had to do something different. We lived on one income and saved my salary, and my dh still works, just isn't fast-tracked anymore for top management positions.

 

Both of us were both very defined by our careers, and it was comfortable. But by breaking free of the "rat race," we have experienced a whole new way of living, which is much freer than comfortable. Sometimes freer is harder ;), but it has so much more leeway than comfortable.

 

Hope that makes sense.

[Liz CA]

This is very interesting. I cannot imagine going back. Whenever I visited there I was glad that I was not living there any longer. When it comes to their banking system, I am now almost completely lost and generally people seemed more rude and less helpful than here.

But then...I left when I was 20, maybe ten years make quite a difference (since you mentioned you were 30 when you left)?! Also, my dh is American and my ds is very much American.

[DawnM]

Six years ago we radically change our lives.

 

We moved from Los Angeles area to Charlotte, NC area. I also quit my job of 17 years to become a SAHM and homeschool.

 

Some days it is still hard for me.

 

Dawn

[regentrude]

This is very interesting. I cannot imagine going back. Whenever I visited there I was glad that I was not living there any longer. When it comes to their banking system, I am now almost completely lost and generally people seemed more rude and less helpful than here.

But then...I left when I was 20, maybe ten years make quite a difference (since you mentioned you were 30 when you left)?! Also, my dh is American and my ds is very much American.

 

I agree that people are not as friendly and that some things are not as practical.

I don't know whether it is the age that makes the difference- I think it is other factors. For me, one of the main issues is that we have no family in this country . Which I find very hard at Christmas and regularly get depressed. (Thanksgiving is not so bad because it is not a German tradition)- if your DH is American, that would be different for you.

My parents are aging, so I know that I will see them only a few more times which I can count - I find that really really difficult.

Also, for some reason - and not for lack of trying - I have not made any close friends here. I feel that I am not fitting in. At work, I am surrounded by nice people who all work a LOT and have no time; in homeschool circles I am the only mom who goes to work every single morning. Add that our world view and political opinion is not quite the fit here...

And then, of course, we are in the Midwest in a small town with few redeeming features. When I lived in CA before kids, I did not miss Germany as much - our city had public transportation, people were walking along the streets, the food was great, there was stuff to do, I had more friends...

I would not want to go back to *work* in Germany because the university system is really messed up. But I sure would like to live there, be close to my family and friends, be in a city that really is a city and not a collection of houses with no center and nothing to do.

[Harriet Vane]

I'm glad to hear things are going well Strider. It was nice touring Waterloo with you and showing you the 'town'.

 

:)

[4wildberrys]

I'm just wondering who here has made a major life change/lifestyle change/big move, after being "settled" for oh, say between 15-20 years or more. What did you do? What was it like for you? Were you scared? If so, how did you cope with that or make the decision to go forward anyway? What was it like leaving the "familiar" and going to the unfamiliar? Did you have any regrets? If so, how did you cope with them? Or did you think you'd have regrets and then the possible regrets never appeared?

 

BTW, I'm not talking about what I'd call negative changes, like divorce or death, or moving because you were compelled to because of a company shifting you or dh to another location. I'm talking about dreaming up something good, checking out the real possibilities, and carrying it out.

 

Please tell me your stories, and answer any questions I forgot to ask, lol. Esp. if, at the time, you were over 40 and still in the midst of raising a family.

 

Thanks.

:lurk5: We haven't made the move yet, but we are planning on leaving this podunk town of 3000 in the middle of nowhere, 2 1/2 hours from anywhere that we have lived in for 16 years now! We honestly DETEST living here, but the work has been good. We are planning on moving back to CA to my hometown, but it's scary because we have been away for so long and kind of feel like we don't really belong anywhere.

[newbie]

yes, we are in pittsburgh after 40 years in cali.

[Colleen in NS]

took a job as a nurse on a cancer floor. I'll work mostly weekends, 2 12 hr shifts so I can still be home with my family lots.

 

I also applied and was accepted to get my nurse practitioner's degree and will start in summer.

 

I'm not sure it would have been as positive a thing if I would've done it when my girls were younger.

 

Thanks for sharing your story!

 

We actually would have LOVED to go to Canada. When we visited we really fell in love with the Waterloo area. It seemed like everything we wanted, and the folks at the company for which dh would have worked were soooo friendly. We are grateful for the job dh accepted here in Illinois (better job responsibilities, better pay, close to family) but think of Waterloo with a tug in our hearts.

 

KW is a nice area. I lived near there for a couple of years (Cambridge) and I know people that live in KW.

 

There are a lot of mixed feelings about leaving the city. I was burned out years ago, so for me it will be a blessed relief. I am soooo ready to be done with street noise, drunks on my lawn, and rehab on my 110yo house. I am also ready to let my kids have more freedom somewhere safer.

 

On the other hand, we have so many really, truly, lovely neighbors. I hate to leave the friendships I have here. We have felt a need to go about this transition slowly and make sure that whoever gets our house will be both prepared for the reality here and also good for the neighborhood.

 

When I first started coping with the burn out, I did feel an ENORMOUS burden of guilt. The guilt still twinges from time to time. Mostly, however, I feel that I have given sacrificially, grown and learned a lot, and that it's okay to do something else now.

 

You've illustrated why I asked. I used to work with YWAM, and among various things I did, inner city work was a big part. It has been many years since my YWAM days, yet I still sometimes feel guilty about not being "out there" doing "big things." And yet, I couldn't imagine bringing my family into the situations I used to live and work in. I wish you well in your transition time, and hope that you will find peace and refreshing in your new situation. Thanks for sharing.

 

I grew up in a really small town in WV. All of my neighbors were family, everyone knew everyone. We all lived on what was once my great grand parents huge farm. My parents, grandparents, great aunts and uncles, aunts and uncles, and cousins. There was plenty of land that was in the family so that was just were you lived when you got married.

 

My husband worked as a welder in a welding shop. He went to the hospital one night with what we thought was metal in his eye because he had a little blind spot. Long story short, he had a stroke. We found out he had MVP and needed open heart surgery at age 22, me 23 and we just had our baby girl. All went well. But doing hard labor was hard for him. So he worked and went to school so he could become a welding instructor at the college. But to get a job teaching we had to move to SC.

 

We moved here not knowing anyone. Found a place to rent online and moved a week after he got the job offer.

 

It has been hard to live away from family, but it has made us realize we can make it on our own.

 

Wow, that is a big change! Thanks for sharing your story, too!

 

What is hard for me is to see my kids have a completely different childhood than mine. My childhood experiences include early independence(10 y/olds are using public transit back home), great school, closeness to grandmothers and extended family. Theirs is seeing their grandparents once a year, being driven by mom everywhere, homeschooling out of necessity, not choice. Sometimes it is hard to accept that this is OK. Not sure if this makes sense.

On the plus side, they grow up completely bilingual and are doing a good job straddling both cultures. they will be at home here. I don't think it will ever completely feel "home" for me - I am pretty sure many first generation immigrants will always feel that their country of origin is "home".

 

You've had a huge change, too - thanks to you for sharing, as well!

 

I do know what you mean about your kids having a completely different childhood experience. I grew up within two hours of both sides of grandparents and cousins - my kids are not. My dh's family consists of one sister with two kids, and his parents. They are close by. My family is bigger with more aunts/uncles/cousins, and they are all at least a 12 hour drive away, and further. It really bothers me.

 

Although Canada and the States are similar in many ways and geographically closer than Germany and the States, I completely understand your comment about first generation immigrants (I'm an immigrant to Canada from the States). Although I must say that in the past two or three years that Canada seems more like "home" to me now, I guess because I've been here for 18 years now. BUT there are many days when I long to live back in the States again, esp. down south where it is warmer. Nearer my relatives. Nearer the bigger cities I was used to on the east coast (the Bos-Wash megalopolis).

 

My Mom started having health problems a few years back and we decided to move back to the States to be closer to my family. My family (in contrast to dh's) is very close-knit. I love being "back home" but I think once you have lived overseas that you get a feeling that you don't fit in....anywhere.

 

How long did you live in Germany, before you decided to move back to the States? And YES!!!!!! I totally understand your last sentence! Whenever I think about moving back to my country-of-birth, I wonder if I'm romanticizing, because I've lived in a foreign country for so long, and this place has become "home." But I don't *really* feel like I fit here. But I wonder where I would fit in the States, because my life has totally changed in 18 years - my family is scattered around, and my friends are scattered - the life I lived just before coming to Canada doesn't exist anymore, either. I almost feel like a Third Culture Kid.

 

But by breaking free of the "rat race," we have experienced a whole new way of living, which is much freer than comfortable. Sometimes freer is harder ;), but it has so much more leeway than comfortable.

 

Would you be willing to share more of what you mean here?

 

Six years ago we radically change our lives.

 

We moved from Los Angeles area to Charlotte, NC area. I also quit my job of 17 years to become a SAHM and homeschool.

 

Some days it is still hard for me.

 

Dawn

 

Wow, what prompted such a drastic move? Or did you do it on purpose?

 

:lurk5: We haven't made the move yet, but we are planning on leaving this podunk town of 3000 in the middle of nowhere, 2 1/2 hours from anywhere that we have lived in for 16 years now! We honestly DETEST living here, but the work has been good. We are planning on moving back to CA to my hometown, but it's scary because we have been away for so long and kind of feel like we don't really belong anywhere.

 

And again, I know what you mean by that last sentence. And I know what you mean about being scared, esp. after 16 years. So what is prompting this big change?

 

yes, we are in pittsburgh after 40 years in cali.

 

WOW! Care to share more?

[Joanne]

Let's see.......

 

 

• It will be 20 years in May that I got clean/sober
  
• After 10+ years as a staunch, idealogical homeschooler, I am no longer homeschooling
  
• After a lifetime of identifying as a Christian, I now can't accept that label as it is commonly understood
  
• After years of SAHMothing and children-as-focus, as the ideal, I no longer believe/embrace that paradigm
  

 

 

I am moving forward with prayer, feedback from select persons and faith.

[Impish]

I feel like I'm going full circle.

 

Over 8 yrs ago, I moved across Canada. Met Wolf, married him 5 mths later.

 

Had 2 more children.

 

Now, we're planning on buying an acreage in my home province. After I swore I'd *never, ever* live there again.

 

Its going to be...odd.

 

Weather is going to be far warmer than here.

 

But, I've also gotten used to having no family beyond my doors either...and that will absolutely change. I don't know quite how I'll deal with holidays...not having to think of anyone but us, no traveling, guests, or expectations was freeing...lonely, too, but freeing.

 

Wolf grew up as an only. I've no doubt that being expected to be a part of a larger family will be daunting for him, at least at first. It'll be an adjustment all around, since not only have *I* gotten used to being away, but family members have been used to me being gone. My brothers and Grandma have never even met the Littles. I've never met my sisters in law. Etc, etc.

 

But, I'll admit to a feeling of excited anticipation at having at least my parents for Christmas. ;)

[Colleen in NS]

Now, we're planning on buying an acreage in my home province. After I swore I'd *never, ever* live there again.

 

Its going to be...odd.

 

Weather is going to be far warmer than here.

 

But, I've also gotten used to having no family beyond my doors either...and that will absolutely change. I don't know quite how I'll deal with holidays...not having to think of anyone but us, no traveling, guests, or expectations was freeing...lonely, too, but freeing.

 

Wolf grew up as an only. I've no doubt that being expected to be a part of a larger family will be daunting for him, at least at first. It'll be an adjustment all around, since not only have *I* gotten used to being away, but family members have been used to me being gone. My brothers and Grandma have never even met the Littles. I've never met my sisters in law. Etc, etc.

 

But, I'll admit to a feeling of excited anticipation at having at least my parents for Christmas. ;)

 

Oooo, sounds like an adventure coming up! What province are you moving to??????

 

Joanne, congratulations on 20 years of sobriety!!!!!

[Impish]

Oooo, sounds like an adventure coming up! What province are you moving to??????

 

Back to Ontario.

[4wildberrys]

 

 

And again, I know what you mean by that last sentence. And I know what you mean about being scared, esp. after 16 years. So what is prompting this big change?

 

 

 

We are simply ready to go back 'home' where we WANT to be, living the coastal lifestyle we have only dreamed of sharing with our kids---even though they are pretty much grown now :tongue_smilie:. Plus with the changes in the real estate industry, our business has decreased by almost 50%, making a move 'mandatory' in order for us to recoup the losses. To top it off, we are simply not mountain outdoor sporty which is all there is to do here. Literally.

[Impish]

What part on Ontario? I use to live near Ottawa, now I live near Toronto.

My parents are about an hour from TO.

 

We really haven't decided, which is causing a fair bit of anxiety for me. Too many options, if that makes sense.

 

Southern ON, for sure. My health needs a far warmer climate than Edmonton.

 

Its going to be dictated by whats available job market/real estate market wise. Definitely an acreage, but needs to be in reasonable commute for Wolf. I'm liking Chatham, dh doesn't. London is a consideration. He likes the Ottawa area. I don't. My parents would vote for their area, of course...I'd lose my mind living in their 'backyard' after being away for so long. I want to be close enough for holidays, far enough that 'dropping in for coffee' doesn't happen on a regular basis. :tongue_smilie:

[nono]

Would you be willing to share more of what you mean here?

 

 

 

I had written:

But by breaking free of the "rat race," we have experienced a whole new way of living, which is much freer than comfortable. Sometimes freer is harder,but it has so much more leeway than comfortable.

 

 

Doing what you want to do, vs. doing what you should be doing...we were considered smart, successful, so we should have ridden the money train all the way to the last station. We got off in the middle of the ride. Our choice. We followed our path, not the path the railroad had. Going a non-standard way can be harder. It can also feel right because it is authentic to you.

 

I don't feel comfortable saying more, because I'm not anti-mainstream. If mainstream is your thing, GOOD!!! But, it's just not the only way. You have to figure out what you really want and then go for it. That's what is so freeing. :)

[Alicia64]

We'd been on the west coast forever and sold the house and moved to the east coast. I was soooooooo scared.

 

When we first arrived I was in shock, but busy w/ kids. Then kind of sad although I noticed that if I talked w/ dh in the a.m. I had a much better day. I needed to connect and then get the sadness out.

 

Finally about 5 months into it, I realized I loved the change. Loved it. Almost every day now I marvel that I did it. I'm such a wimp. How did this happen??

 

We thought everything out carefully --nothing was half baked. That said, the house didn't sell as quickly as we hoped. Our Realtor turned out to be really hard to deal with. Everything wasn't perfect, but I kept getting the vibe that we were on the right path. People I really needed appeared out of nowhere (the handyman, the house painter etc.).

 

I'm learning that I'm more flexible than the average. We went from a home in a beautiful neighborhood to apartments (for now). High end apartments w/ wonderful neighbors and pool. But still I have friend who never could have been happy in this situation. And I'm delighted.

 

I got to a point where I finally thought, "It's now or never. Life is too short to be in one town my entire life. I want to live."

 

Every situation is different. When it comes to a "big life change" one size does not fit all, that's for sure.

 

One idea: I got a lot of help from people on City-Data.com.

 

Good luck!

 

Alley

[Colleen in NS]

Thanks for sharing all your stories with me!

 

If anyone else wants to share, please do.

[DawnM]

DH wanted to leave LA. I did NOT. He also wanted me to homeschool. I did not. Although, he did not force me to do either one. I now can't imagine not hsing my kids, although I still do miss working.

 

I lived in LA for 20 years. It was the first place in the US I felt was "home." I grew up in Africa as a missionary kid, so I do know what moving far away is like, but I really liked LA.

 

Dawn

 

Wow, what prompted such a drastic move? Or did you do it on purpose?

 

[Tutor]

 

 

• It will be 20 years in May that I got clean/sober

 

 

 

This is wonderful! Congratulations!

[JennifersLost]

Six years ago my dh and I lived a mile from the beach in a very ritzy town in California. He worked 60 hour weeks as a computer programmer and I worked 60 hour weeks running a large in-home daycare. We owned a house that cost over $500,000 and our "basic" no-frills budget topped $7,000.00 per month.

 

We were both losing it - me worse than my husband. I had four kids of my own, homeschooled three of them (plus had a toddler) and had up to 10 other kids in my house at any given time during the week.

 

After one particularly awful day we decided to throw in the towel. We sold the house, a car, all our furniture and most of our other stuff, packed the kids in the car and moved to Canada to the little town where my husband grew up.

 

The transition was very, very hard for me - I only turned the corner all the way last year - but I'm very shy and losing the great group of homeschool mommy friends in California affected me far more than I thought it would.

 

On the plus side, I got to homeschool my kids for years without having to work, my husband got to start his own business. I wrote three novels and a textbook.

 

Then I really got busy. :) I started a publishing company and published nearly 80 audio books last year. I write, I publish, I narrate audio books sometimes, I work with great women and get to work from home.

 

Another plus is the transition from bigger urban center to rural town. Every time I leave my house here I see someone I know. Everyone here is connected. The younger kids, who mostly grew up here, are really getting the benefit of that web of support.

 

Another huge plus is that this move taught me so much about how insulated I was in my thinking. I grew up in the northeast US, and I'm a snob about it. I went to an Ivy League school and really felt that the way my family lived was "the way" to do it.

 

Moving here where hardly anyone has heard of the Ivy League, where the community college is considered just as good as going away to school, where the news focuses much more on world events and everyone travels to different countries, or immigrated from a different country has opened my eyes to lots of new points of view.

 

When the kids went to public school they learned a few things about peer pressure, but there is so much less emphasis on "the right clothes," or hair style or whatever. It exists - just not as much. I remember being in sixth grade and knowing that under no circumstances was it allowable to wear the same pair of pants or shirt twice in one week - you would have been a social outcast - and that if you wore them twice in a two-week period, you might as well wear a sign that said you were poor.

 

My husband grew up without hearing anything like that, and my kids report that no one pays that much attention to clothes at their schools, either.

 

I love that whether we go to a restaurant, a movie, out shopping or to the grocery store we see someone we know. I love that the people at the bank all know my name and my massage person remembers me talking about wanting to become a yoga teacher and found a class for me to take.

 

The pace is lovely. Our longest drive is six minutes if we cross town. I used to drive a half hour each way to get my kids to their activities. Here we can walk almost anywhere we want to go.

 

Our next big life change is that we plan to cut back on our computer work hours and we're cultivating ways to earn money and have fun away from our desks. This year we're starting a huge garden and we're not traveling.

 

I want to cut back my work ours to 4 - 6 hours a day and simply live more.

[Mabelen]

We'd been on the west coast forever and sold the house and moved to the east coast. I was soooooooo scared.

 

When we first arrived I was in shock, but busy w/ kids. Then kind of sad although I noticed that if I talked w/ dh in the a.m. I had a much better day. I needed to connect and then get the sadness out.

 

Finally about 5 months into it, I realized I loved the change. Loved it. Almost every day now I marvel that I did it. I'm such a wimp. How did this happen??

 

We thought everything out carefully --nothing was half baked. That said, the house didn't sell as quickly as we hoped. Our Realtor turned out to be really hard to deal with. Everything wasn't perfect, but I kept getting the vibe that we were on the right path. People I really needed appeared out of nowhere (the handyman, the house painter etc.).

 

I'm learning that I'm more flexible than the average. We went from a home in a beautiful neighborhood to apartments (for now). High end apartments w/ wonderful neighbors and pool. But still I have friend who never could have been happy in this situation. And I'm delighted.

 

I got to a point where I finally thought, "It's now or never. Life is too short to be in one town my entire life. I want to live."

 

Every situation is different. When it comes to a "big life change" one size does not fit all, that's for sure.

 

One idea: I got a lot of help from people on City-Data.com.

 

Good luck!

 

Alley

 

City-data.com is awesome! I used it a lot when we moved the opposite way last year.

[Colleen in NS]

Jennifer,

 

Thanks for writing out all those details. I remember you sharing bits of your story a few years ago, but I had no idea how awful your former life was! Phew. So the big change was deliberate to go in a positive direction, eh?

[Alicia64]

JenniferLost -- Your story is incredible. Thank you for writing it. I'd love to hear more. I thought about this off and on all day.

 

Alley

[Alenee]

Ten years ago, I told dh I couldn't hack his job anymore. We were young, a new baby, and he worked all.the.time. AT NIGHT. We never saw eachother. Dh put his resume out and, voila! He got a great job offer, sold our house in three days, and moved to WA (leaving CA for good!). It was the hardest thing for us to do, moving away from our hometown and families. But it was certainly the best move we've made in our married life. We've set down roots here and have a great surrogate family of friends. Having said all that, we may up and do it again if the timing is right. :)

Edited March 13, 2011 by Alenee

[Jumping In Puddles]

Let's see.......

 

 

• It will be 20 years in May that I got clean/sober

• After 10+ years as a staunch, idealogical homeschooler, I am no longer homeschooling

• After a lifetime of identifying as a Christian, I now can't accept that label as it is commonly understood

• After years of SAHMothing and children-as-focus, as the ideal, I no longer believe/embrace that paradigm

 

 

I am moving forward with prayer, feedback from select persons and faith.

 

Congratulations on being clean/sober for 20 years :)

 

Can you explain a little more about why you don't homeschool and you don't think being a SAHM is ideal? I can see why children-as-focus is not ideal but I don't see being a homeschooler or a SAHM as necessarily being child focused but maybe family focused at best.

 

Thanks, and I only ask because I value your opinions on child rearing. :)

[Joanne]

Congratulations on being clean/sober for 20 years :)

 

Can you explain a little more about why you don't homeschool and you don't think being a SAHM is ideal? I can see why children-as-focus is not ideal but I don't see being a homeschooler or a SAHM as necessarily being child focused but maybe family focused at best.

 

Thanks, and I only ask because I value your opinions on child rearing. :)

 

I don't homeschool (technically, I still homeschool language arts for my youngest and one additional private student) primarily because the choices of my xh have made it impossible for me to continue homeschooling. After a 3-4 year long custody battle, we mediated out of court and I agreed to send my oldest (the child he wanted in the battle which started out as a custody battle and "homeschooling" became a red herring as the custody battle raged on in my favor) to public school. By then, I needed more income to cover life and fall out of 3 years' worth of legal bills. It would have been my preference to homeschool in a traditional manner until all 3 of my children graduated home-high school. Nonetheless, I am teaching in a school I *love* and my other 2 are thriving in attandance there.

 

I agree that homeschooling and SAHMothering is non synonymous with child focused. :) I think the healthy context is familly focused, as you suggest. Family focused can take many structural forms.

 

I just no longer believe the SAHMothering is ideal. I think it can be the best choice for some families, but I don't grant it default best choice status anymore. I think there are families who not only do well with mom WOH, but families that thrive not in spite of mom WOH, but in part because of it.

 

If you'd like to discuss this some more, we can go to PM so we don't derail the thread. :) Thanks for the compliment on child-rearing. It is where I hope to specialize after my training and intern-status is over.

[Jumping In Puddles]

I don't homeschool (technically, I still homeschool language arts for my youngest and one additional private student) primarily because the choices of my xh have made it impossible for me to continue homeschooling. After a 3-4 year long custody battle, we mediated out of court and I agreed to send my oldest (the child he wanted in the battle which started out as a custody battle and "homeschooling" became a red herring as the custody battle raged on in my favor) to public school. By then, I needed more income to cover life and fall out of 3 years' worth of legal bills. It would have been my preference to homeschool in a traditional manner until all 3 of my children graduated home-high school. Nonetheless, I am teaching in a school I *love* and my other 2 are thriving in attandance there.

 

I agree that homeschooling and SAHMothering is non synonymous with child focused. :) I think the healthy context is familly focused, as you suggest. Family focused can take many structural forms.

 

I just no longer believe the SAHMothering is ideal. I think it can be the best choice for some families, but I don't grant it default best choice status anymore. I think there are families who not only do well with mom WOH, but families that thrive not in spite of mom WOH, but in part because of it.

 

If you'd like to discuss this some more, we can go to PM so we don't derail the thread. :) Thanks for the compliment on child-rearing. It is where I hope to specialize after my training and intern-status is over.

 

Thanks for the insight Joanne and I'm glad your family is thriving. :)

[Hannah]

I just no longer believe the SAHMothering is ideal. I think it can be the best choice for some families, but I don't grant it default best choice status anymore. I think there are families who not only do well with mom WOH, but families that thrive not in spite of mom WOH, but in part because of it.

 

If you'd like to discuss this some more, we can go to PM so we don't derail the thread. :)

 

Please start a new thread instead as I'm really intersted to read your thoughts on this as well.

[Jumping In Puddles]

Please start a new thread instead as I'm really intersted to read your thoughts on this as well.

 

:iagree: I should have started a new thread, I was taking the lazy way out, lol!

[Colleen in NS]

It was the hardest thing for us to do, moving away from our hometown and families. But it was certainly the best move we've made in our married life. We've set down roots here and have a great surrogate family of friends. Having said all that, we may up and do it again if the timing is right. :)

 

Wow, another fun story! Thanks for sharing yours, too.

 

Dh and I are restless types. Before we met, we each spent our late teens/early 20s working with an international missions organization, traveled to various places in the world, and had friends from all over the world. I moved a lot during that time and had fun. I've now lived in the same area for 14 years, and in the same house for six years, both of which are records for me in my adult life. It is for him, too. The plus side of things is that he has established a good reputation in his self-employment around here, and I like having a stable life for my kids. But boy, we go through periods when we are just SO restless. Winter doesn't help. :lol: Sometimes we talk ourselves halfway into doing something like selling our house and going full-time in an RV, but then we decide we don't want to have to start out again with housing in later years - we're 47 and almost-43, have 14 years left on a mortgage...yet I read stories of people who do wild things and then things end up working out for them differently and positively later on. But I get scared, I can't work up the courage, and I talk myself out of it. I guess I just lean toward stability because of earlier circumstances in my life. But then I read about something - for example, Heather in NC's courage, even with raising a family, and think, "I want that kind of courage again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" :D