fairfarmhand Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I have a friend in my church sunday school class that is a guidance counselor for one of the local middle schools (grades 5-8). She said that last week she had all kinds of little girls in her office crying about this boy or that boy not inviting them to the Valentine's day dance (which is in the middle of the school day, who thought that was a good idea?) And she said she was dreading Monday (today) because of all the drama that will be in her lap. I said..." Ahhh....so that is the socialization my kids are missing out on?" She patted my arm and said, "Your kids are JUST FINE right where they are." :001_smile: Not that I was terribly concerned but it is always nice to have a bit of confirmation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Goldwater Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I have a friend in my church sunday school class that is a guidance counselor for one of the local middle schools (grades 5-8). She said that last week she had all kinds of little girls in her office crying about this boy or that boy not inviting them to the Valentine's day dance (which is in the middle of the school day, who thought that was a good idea?) And she said she was dreading Monday (today) because of all the drama that will be in her lap. I said..." Ahhh....so that is the socialization my kids are missing out on?" She patted my arm and said, "Your kids are JUST FINE right where they are." :001_smile: Not that I was terribly concerned but it is always nice to have a bit of confirmation. /sarc Your poor, poor children...missing out on all that fun. /sarc off did you say 5-8 grade????? Ugh... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairProspects Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 If you can believe it, the elementary school up the street had a Valentine's Dance this last weekend for K-6. It was a PTA sponsored community activity. I guess I'm just getting old or something but I think that is nutters!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Yes, it's pretty amazing. My pastor's wife starts asking girls whether they have boyfriend when they are around 7, and doesn't let up until they are married. This annoys me to no end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloridaLisa Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I'll take our (middle of the day) Valentine party at the park any day! Big girls helping littles on the swings, high school boys playing with younger boys, middle school boys down to K playing capture the flag, shared food and lots of mom talk -- all on a 66 degree sunny day! Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keptwoman Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Yes, it's pretty amazing. My pastor's wife starts asking girls whether they have boyfriend when they are around 7, and doesn't let up until they are married. This annoys me to no end. I have an aunt like that, it irks me to the extreme. I'll take our (middle of the day) Valentine party at the park any day! Big girls helping littles on the swings, high school boys playing with younger boys, middle school boys down to K playing capture the flag, shared food and lots of mom talk -- all on a 66 degree sunny day! Lisa What no "date" angst? Your poor, unsocialised children ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I'll take our (middle of the day) Valentine party at the park any day! Big girls helping littles on the swings, high school boys playing with younger boys, middle school boys down to K playing capture the flag, shared food and lots of mom talk -- all on a 66 degree sunny day! Lisa I wish message boards had a "Like" button! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Why would any one think it's a good idea for kids to pair-off into "couples" at the ripe old age of 10/11/12/13. It's kinda gross if you ask me. I'm not a terribly socially conservative person, but this encouraging young kids to form romatic attachments ala dances and such is bizarro-world. It's distracting and unhealthly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Why would any one think it's a good idea for kids to pair-off into "couples" at the ripe old age of 10/11/12/13. It's kinda gross if you ask me. I'm not a terribly socially conservative person, but this encouraging young kids to form romatic attachments ala dances and such is bizarro-world. It's distracting and unhealthly. DD had a friend who invited her to dances for middle school at a local private school. We let her go a few times. There wasn't much dancing going on. And certainly not with a boy. But the mom already told me that there would be no invites to the high school dances - they don't dance they "need to get a room" so to speak. I don't think she's even letting her own daughter go to those. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K-FL Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 It's stupid to have to feel heartbroken over a boy in 5th grade. If I could go back and do one thing differently, I would have stayed away from boys altogether until I was 18 (or heck maybe longer). I so agree! I would have made quite a few different & probably better decisions if I'd been thinking about what was really best for me, not how it related to some guy. UGH!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I have to wonder about the message those girls are getting from their parents too. My 6th grader went to the Valentine Dance Friday evening. She went with three of her friends. There are kids who enjoy the party without all the icky romance stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 I'll take our (middle of the day) Valentine party at the park any day! Big girls helping littles on the swings, high school boys playing with younger boys, middle school boys down to K playing capture the flag, shared food and lots of mom talk -- all on a 66 degree sunny day! Lisa :iagree: We had a homeschool party today with 24 kids ages 11 and under. It's cold and rainy here so we had to do it in the gym of the organizer's church. But making valentine mail boxes, decorating cookies, making a couple of small crafts, playing bingo, eating pizza, and free play sure beats dances and crying over boys and such a young age. My 11 year old was thrilled to get the name and number of a new friend two years younger than her. It was interesting going through valentines received from kids we just met today. Oh look! Here's a valentine from Brienna, whoever that was. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) *** Edited February 19, 2023 by J-rap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) As I mentioned, I'm not that socially conservative, so I don't actually object to boys and girls getting together to socialize. It's the framing of these events as "dances" where kids are expected to get "dates" that's weird. I think adults should be discouraging kids from thinking in these terms until they're mature enough to actually understand a bit about what a "relationship" actually involves. Also, honestly, it seems that some young grils get way too involved in thinking in these terms. I question whether this is good for them long term. I don't have a daughter myself, but ds13 is frequently on the receiving end of giggily phone calls from girls. At this point, thank goodness, he doesn't seem interested, but I'm unhappy with the idea of him developing the idea that he's quite the "ladies man" - a label my FIL applied to him recently. I have to wonder about the message those girls are getting from their parents too. My 6th grader went to the Valentine Dance Friday evening. She went with three of her friends. There are kids who enjoy the party without all the icky romance stuff. Edited February 15, 2011 by Stacy in NJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 I so agree! I would have made quite a few different & probably better decisions if I'd been thinking about what was really best for me, not how it related to some guy. UGH!!! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofeight Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 I wish message boards had a "Like" button! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofeight Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 I wish message boards had a "Like" button! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Why would any one think it's a good idea for kids to pair-off into "couples" at the ripe old age of 10/11/12/13. It's kinda gross if you ask me. I'm not a terribly socially conservative person, but this encouraging young kids to form romatic attachments ala dances and such is bizarro-world. It's distracting and unhealthly. For me, the problem is not so much encouraging romantic attachments, but placing pre teens in social situations that they just don't have the emotional maturity to handle. What 10yo knows how to deal with competition for a boy's attention? What 11yo knows how to handle sexual peer pressure? What to do when the wrong person asks, two people ask, the right person doesn't ask? These kids are barely starting to develop a mild attraction to the opposite sex. They have little idea of how to manage that. Holding a middle school dance just increases the pressure by making all their inexperienced muddling around a public fiasco that will be fodder for the gossip mill for weeks to come. I thank God every day that through homeschool we are able to spare 12yo dd the anguish of dealing with preteen girls, both friends and foes. My 17yo niece assures me that they do get better when their hormones simmer down a bit in the mid teen years and my neighbor's college aged dd tells me that most are nearly normal by the time they hit college!:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnL Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 I do not get the whole idea of such young kids going to "dances" either. That's ridiculous, and way too much for kids that age to handle. We had our Valentine's party with a bunch of kids 12 and under and the new library across town. It was totally fun for everyone and all the kids had a great time. And my 10 year old daughter was thrilled to exchange phone numbers with an 8 year old girl who likes arts and crafts as much as she does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 My youngest two are in middle school and they are having a masquerade dance on Friday. So not only is this a dance but one that requires a fancy dress (and shoes) and mask. So this is kind of like a formal ball. I have never heard of such a thing. This is the first year they are doing this and I am wondering what the heck possessed them. Who thought this was a good idea and why in the world would they want to do this? I could maybe see and 8th grade graduation party with regular clothes but 6th graders at a formal dance? My girls don't wear dresses and they certainly have never danced at anything other than a wedding. They aren't even interested in boys yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 For me, the problem is not so much encouraging romantic attachments, but placing pre teens in social situations that they just don't have the emotional maturity to handle. What 10yo knows how to deal with competition for a boy's attention? What 11yo knows how to handle sexual peer pressure? What to do when the wrong person asks, two people ask, the right person doesn't ask? These kids are barely starting to develop a mild attraction to the opposite sex. They have little idea of how to manage that. Holding a middle school dance just increases the pressure by making all their inexperienced muddling around a public fiasco that will be fodder for the gossip mill for weeks to come. I thank God every day that through homeschool we are able to spare 12yo dd the anguish of dealing with preteen girls, both friends and foes. My 17yo niece assures me that they do get better when their hormones simmer down a bit in the mid teen years and my neighbor's college aged dd tells me that most are nearly normal by the time they hit college!:tongue_smilie: very well said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AprilTN Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Someone on my FB posted pictures of a 6th grade PROM that the local middle school had recently. There were 11 and 12 year old girls in skimpy formal dresses and full makeup, updos, etc. The pictures were disturbing to me because these girls are so young. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 My niece had a 'boyfriend' at the age of 10. They had dates - whatever that means. They broke up. She was heartbroken and sobbed. Then she was chasing after a new boy, telling him how much she loved him. Last I heard she has a completely different boyfriend. She's 12 now. Her mothers things it's all cute. Good grief! I say NO THANKS to that type of socialization. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 :iagree: It's stupid to have to feel heartbroken over a boy in 5th grade. If I could go back and do one thing differently, I would have stayed away from boys altogether until I was 18 (or heck maybe longer). :iagree: I agree 100% with you. Boys were a huge distraction for me in school. The best year I ever had was the one year I went to an all-girls school. I know not all girls are like I was, but I wasted so much time and mental energy that could have been directed elsewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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