Read an article about homeschooling-now I need to be encouraged!

[Mommamia]

I read this great article from a homeschooled childs point of view(she is an adult now). It was very positive and encouraging....and then I read the comments. People were super harsh. There was a lot of emphasis on how unsocialized(:tongue_smilie:) homeschoolers are. I'm used to that remark, but it bothered me today. Maybe because my dc do struggle in some social/peer situations. We involve them in various situations and try to expose them to a variety of things. I was a shy child(public schooled) and feel that it is just who they are. The insecure homeschool side of me worries that it's because they are homeschooled. Would someone mind giving me a good whack?? Actually, a gentle reminder that everything will be ok would be great!:bigear:

[Peela]

I dont understand where the unsocialised thing comes from- but is there a whole bunch of badly socalised homeschoolers out there giving everyone a bad name?

On the whole I haven't even come across it. There were shy kids and not so shy kids, for sure. Perhaps I didnt come across badly socialised kids because they didn't come out to homeschool activities- the ones who were there seemed within the normal range to me.

SO, is it people's experience they are talking about- they know someone who was homeschooled who is painfully shy or lacking reasonably social skills- or is it just the old presumption of the ignorant that homeschooled kids must be socially deprived?

I dont know- seems strange to me.

 

I think it IS important for homeschooled kids to have plenty of social contact and that IS a lot of work for the mother- but I have 2 ridiculously socially confident teenagers so that might just be my perspective. I imagine there ARE some kids who might need a little gentle pushing to get them to interact.

 

Overall..its not the homeschooling. This is life, normal every day life. Are the kids getting a social life? Are they learning social skills? That is all thats important- school is irrelevant and has crushed many a shy soul.

[TXMary2]

Don't buy in to the bull. When the public schools stop turning out the socially inept, socially awkward and socially annoying types then the opinions on homeschoolers may become more valid. Don't worry Mama, if your kids are shy, they are shy. It likely has nothing to do with homeschooling. I have one social Sam, one who says 5 words a month and one who is super chatty at home but doesn't say much to other people. It is what it is because it is who they are. I am certain they would be the same if they went to public school. In fact my youngest would probably be labeled by the schools with some sort of affliction, I am sure. It will all be OK!

[Mommamia]

Thanks! That's what I needed. Thanks for taking the time to encourage me!

[Mommy22alyns]

Never read the comments. Ever, ever, ever. I swear the most uncouth, rude, nasty, irritating, uneducated people in the world flock to the comments section and pollute it. :glare:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I read this great article from a homeschooled childs point of view(she is an adult now). It was very positive and encouraging....and then I read the comments. People were super harsh. There was a lot of emphasis on how unsocialized(:tongue_smilie:) homeschoolers are. I'm used to that remark, but it bothered me today. Maybe because my dc do struggle in some social/peer situations. We involve them in various situations and try to expose them to a variety of things. I was a shy child(public schooled) and feel that it is just who they are. The insecure homeschool side of me worries that it's because they are homeschooled. Would someone mind giving me a good whack?? Actually, a gentle reminder that everything will be ok would be great!:bigear:

 

Any links? Oh and I agree the comment section can bring out the worst in people:(.

[HeidiKC]

I think you're right - your kids are who they are. Probably wouldn't be any different (and maybe harder for them) if they were in school. They'll be fine!

[Mommamia]

http://www.mydaily.com/2011/01/11/i-was-homeschooled/

 

Here is the article....and those annoying comments.

[Tarreymere]

Well, the 'they'll be stupid' arguement didn't work, the 'they won't get into college' arguement didn't work, now we have this arguement. Only nobody can pinpoint exactly what is meant by it and any research-based measurement of 'socialization' just can't include everybody's concept of what it means to be 'socialized'. On some level, it is true that homeschool kids won't be socialized like schooled kids. In fact, that is a large part of the reason why I homeschool.

 

What we need to be concerned about is examining exactly what kind of socialization occurs in school and why have people come to believe that the socialization kids get in school is beneficial to them in their adult lives.

[snipsnsnailsx5]

I really think that social development is VERY dependant on maturity. It doesn't matter the atmosphere you have them in, if they aren't mature enough to be social yet - then they won't.

 

My sons were in public school last year, grades K, 2nd, and 5th. My 2nd grader really struggled to make friends and really didn't make any. The only friends he had were from church, scouts, or soccer.

My 5th grade had made maybe one good friend and was pretty socially introverted.

 

This year has made all the difference, both are more outgoing now and making friends. My 2nd grader (now 3rd grader) still struggles, but he has PLENTY of socially opportunities...more then he had when he was in public school. ;)

 

A lot of those comments are based on the old-school thinking that homeschooled kids are kept at home all day, every day, and never around other kids. lol

[TravelingChris]

I have met some adults who were homeschooled and I never knew it until they told me they were. This has happened at least five different times. Four of them are now Active Duty Military and there is nothing the least bit strange about them.

[Cedarmom]

I think shy kids do a lot better being homeschooled. Small groups give them a chance to build their social skills and confidence. My son was shy-people said it was because he was homeschooled. But now he is in college, has a small group of close friends, can talk to his professors and other adults with ease, and is on the debate team. I think if he'd done public it wouldn't have given him the confidence he has now. SO phooey on the naysayers!

[Photo Ninja]

My college dc have said that they have encountered people (adults and students) who state that hsed kids are not socialized (ambiguous term since few people can actually define it) and are not educated well enough to succeed in college, etc. My dc have at times decided to tell these people that they were hsed until college. They said that the people stare at them, then stammer something about how they can't have been hsed because they are normal and are smart college students. My dc tell them that they are no different from other hsed kids. The problem is with the presumption.

 

And I fully believe that there are some children who are shy and others who are outgoing simply because that is their personality. Hsing does not make children shy any more than ps makes children outgoing.

[KatieH]

The comments section is where the internet goes to die. Seriously, I rarely read comments. People are dumb.

[pdalley]

Yesterday, at the high school my oldest would attend if he were still in public school - another kid smashed a kid in the head with a hammer.

 

Yeah, that's the kind of 'socialization' that I want for my kid. Most of his friends in youth group saw the kid bleeding from the head and were terrified.

 

I was public schooled my entire educational experience and I have very little in the way of social skills. I do so wish someone would try that argument out on me IRL. They'd get an earful.

[Little Nyssa]

I took a peek at the comments on that article & I saw that plenty of them were favorable for HS.

I think that worrying, within reason, whether we are doing the right thing is good for us-- if we can honestly ask ourselves: is my child learning and developing in a good way? Am I helping or hindering? What can I do to improve things?-- then we will be good HSing moms. It's people who are 100% sure that they are always 100% right who are the problem.

[IsabelC]

Here's my take on this:

 

 

• The vast majority of parents put their kids into school.
  
• The vast majority of those who do so do not seriously research or consider home education before making this default decision.
  
• They become aware that some parents have, after considerable investigation and thought, decided on home education for their children.
  
• Now the parents who chose school for their kids with little or no thought experience cognitive dissonance. They figure (whether consciously or not) that either they have failed to properly consider their options to ensure they make the best choice, or there is some big, compelling reason why homeschooling is wrong.
  
• Because the first alternative is unpalatable, a lot of people will dismiss this possibility and latch onto the second. Home schooling must be misguided, undesirable, even downright evil! Once a person is at this stage, there is absolutely no point in discussing it with them.
  

 

Edited February 3, 2011 by Hotdrink

[laughing lioness]

My oldest and 3 young men from college spent thier fall break here working on our house (mission of mercy). One of them, from Detroit, said that he had expected "children of the corn" but found instead, "leave it to Beaver kids." Iow, he expected really "backward" people, but found "innocent" and un-cyncial/jaded people instead.

Honestly, I think that's what people notice most about our kids- not that they are "un-socialized" but that they are un-jaded. Our oldest 2 always have comments about how young they are, or how old they are (no one can guess their real age).

 

A good friend of mine told me years ago, "Of course everyone wants the results of homeschooling. But we don't want to do the hard work." (this is a Korean mom with a Ph.D.). At least some of the comments/articles on socialization might have to do with justification.

Edited February 3, 2011 by laughing lioness

[M&NMom]

I've been at this a long time and really struggled in the beginning wondering whether or not I was making the right decision to homeschool my then only daughter. I was often met with criticism, but truly felt in my gut that what I was doing was right for us. My oldest went through the awkward phase of adolescence and blossomed into the person she was meant to be. Her best friend went to public school and we always found it interesting that my daughter had to order for her bf when they went out to dinner because her friend was scared to.

 

Anyway, my dd got into a top notch college and called me a couple of weeks after school started. She thanked me for homeschooling her all those years. She said she had such confidence in her classes. She was never afraid to speak in class and when one of her professors had recently given an assignment, the other kids freaked out. They needed help figuring out what to write about. My dd had her topic formulated before the lecture ended:001_smile:

 

Just keep doing what you feel feels right for you and your family. I still have days where I want to rip my hair out and crawl into bed until the day is done. I just think back to how quickly they grow up and realize how lucky I am to be doing what I'm doing.

 

Tina

[mcconnellboys]

What I see on a regular basis with publically schooled kids is that they can't seem to talk to anyone who is not their same age. In fact, they will often look at someone who asks them a question as if they are crazy! It's almost as if they're thinking, "How dare you speak to me? You are not of my tribe...."

 

On the other hand, most homeschooled kids I know - and these are kids who engage in a regular round of activities outside the home on a a weekly basis - seem comfortable with all ages, from toddlers through Grandmothers. They engage in conversation easily with all those around them. They are happy to answer questions and just as happy to say, "I don't know" if they don't.... I don't really notice insecurities in these kids at all....

 

I know some children are just more shy and retiring. But this is true whether they are homeschooled or not.... Public school is not a cure for shyness.

[kalanamak]

She said she had such confidence in her classes. She was never afraid to speak in class

 

Every time I see my son seem a bit lost with his peers, I knot up inside, but then I remember how even MORE lost I was with mean peers in ps. Then I watch him talk to adults without a blink, and I remember doing that, too. I think it is genetic. But it still gives me pause. :)

[Trish]

Maybe homeschoolers are chiming in -- there were more positive comments than negative when I checked the page. Most of the negatives were grossly misnformed, anyway.

[Rosie_0801]

Maybe because my dc do struggle in some social/peer situations. We involve them in various situations and try to expose them to a variety of things. I was a shy child(public schooled) and feel that it is just who they are. The insecure homeschool side of me worries that it's because they are homeschooled. Would someone mind giving me a good whack?? Actually, a gentle reminder that everything will be ok would be great!:bigear:

 

Look, our kids aren't born perfect and if it isn't their social skills we need to work on, it's some other character issue. Or issues ;) This phenomenon has nothing to do with who conducts their education and everything to do with them being human.

 

Rosie

[Momma H]

Never read the comments. Ever, ever, ever. I swear the most uncouth, rude, nasty, irritating, uneducated people in the world flock to the comments section and pollute it. :glare:

 

:iagree:What is with that? People can be scary. Talk about unsocialized!!!!

[4wildberrys]

Yep----the dregs of humanity come out in droves in the comments sections! Hmmm---who wants to bet on the % who went to public school??...LOL!

 

All that aside, the fact is I was a very shy child, a very shy teenager and it wasn't until college and that miracle Beer that I learned to loosen up and be social. I was never homeschooled---I went to public and then private school. It's obvious, like a pp mentioned, that the public is just simply grasping at straws for reasons to object to homeschooling. I don't think there is one statistic out there that can prove that homeschooling is sub par in any area. But the haters will never deal with facts or reality....just their vitriolic hate.