Puberty & Hygiene.

[Daisy]

Okay, I know we've had this conversation before but I'm asking again.

 

My daughter is 11yo and well into puberty.

 

She has leg hair and underarm hair, but we are light skinned so it isn't hugely noticeable.

 

Here's the deal.

 

1. She doesn't want to shave. I have absolutely no issue with that. She can go forever without shaving for all I care.

 

2. She hates deodorant. She's had the same blasted thing of deodorant since she was 9yo. Hardly touched.

 

3. She takes a bath daily at night. On a rare occasion we may skip a day.

 

4. She is horrible topical allergies so I have to be very careful to use all gentle natural products.

 

The above leaves me with a bit of a problem.

 

She plays HARD. She gets sweaty. She smells within 30 minutes of playing outside. I know I have a keen sense of smell and I don't want to make her feel badly about herself but really, we have to do something.

 

But she just doesn't care if she smells.

 

So what do I do?

Edited October 29, 2010 by Daisy

[Chris in VA]

I hate to say it, but I'd either require it, or let friends handle it--and they may not be nice about it (well, good friends would be).

Maybe you could buy some really nice scented soap and other things like that, and make her up a pretty basket? I seem to recall you guys have sensitive skin, tho. Could that be why she doesn't wear deo?

[Daisy]

I hate to say it, but I'd either require it, or let friends handle it--and they may not be nice about it (well, good friends would be).

Maybe you could buy some really nice scented soap and other things like that, and make her up a pretty basket? I seem to recall you guys have sensitive skin, tho. Could that be why she doesn't wear deo?

 

I've bought deodorant that is from the health store.

 

Yeah, basically right now I'm just hounding her about deodorant but I feel like a major nag. I'm tired of it being a battle ground. She still whines and complains about getting in the bath. Good grief when does the girly age START?

[Chris in VA]

Well, maybe not--they may not want the negative social consequences of smelling bad--is she getting those?

[Heather in WI]

I hate to say it, but I'd either require it, or let friends handle it--and they may not be nice about it.

 

 

I'd require it. I remember how mean kids were in high school to the boys who were smelly, sweaty, greasy, and full of acne.

 

We require our son to shower every night when he gets home from football for this exact reason! He complains and tries to get out of it, but .... yuck! He's stinky!

[Daisy]

Well, maybe not--they may not want the negative social consequences of smelling bad--is she getting those?

 

No, she doesn't really have any negative feedback except from me. She doesn't smell bad all the time, and really all those kids smell ripe after Awana game square.

 

I guess I just assume that after running around at the park, you are going to do something about the way you smell when you get home. Take a shower. Wipe down. Put on deodorant. Please don't kill us with you odor for the rest of the day.

 

But if I force her take a shower, she is just going to immediately head outside again and be sweaty again in 30 minutes. LOL.

 

Maybe I'm too sensitive?

[Daisy]

I'd require it. I remember how mean kids were in high school to the boys who were smelly, sweaty, greasy, and full of acne.

 

We require our son to shower every night when he gets home from football for this exact reason! He complains and tries to get out of it, but .... yuck! He's stinky!

 

This is hard to explain. She showers every single day, washes her hair, washes her face, brushes her teeth, etc. She has good hygiene in that regard. Though I do have to nag her about all of it.

 

She just always smells ripe after running around and the running around NEVER stops.

 

Honestly, I'm not even sure deodorant would solve the problem.

Edited October 29, 2010 by Daisy

[helena]

I also have an 11yo daughter. She plays hard and fences 3 days a week. I don't give her a choice. For me, I see no point in letting her develop stinky habits (which she's fine with :)). I tell her that it's part of her responsibility to her family and community to be clean and groomed. It's not fair to subject us to BO, bad breath, and smelly hair. If everyone did that, the world wouldn't be a very pleasant place.

 

I encourage her and her sister to get grimy, but at 11 she's old enough to groom when she comes back in the house. Grooming is a wonderful ritual that she can enjoy her whole life. I agree with Chris, maybe get her a luxurious towel, a nice brush maybe. If your family has sensitive skin, health food stores have wonderful natural products. I would just work on training her to be consistent, and eventually she'll probably be grateful to have those tools to refresh, de-stress, and beautify.

 

FWIW, mine smells pretty bad right now. :D

[helena]

This is hard to explain. She showers every single day, washes her hair, washes her face, brushes her teeth, etc. She has good hygiene in that regard. Though I do have to nag her about all of it.

 

She just always smells ripe after running around and the running around NEVER stops.

 

Honestly, I'm not even sure deodorant would solve the problem.

 

I think all of this is perfectly normal for kids this age.

[Daisy]

I also have an 11yo daughter. She plays hard and fences 3 days a week. I don't give her a choice. For me, I see no point in letting her develop stinky habits (which she's fine with :)). I tell her that it's part of her responsibility to her family and community to be clean and groomed. It's not fair to subject us to BO, bad breath, and smelly hair. If everyone did that, the world wouldn't be a very pleasant place.

 

I encourage her and her sister to get grimy, but at 11 she's old enough to groom when she comes back in the house. Grooming is a wonderful ritual that she can enjoy her whole life. I agree with Chris, maybe get her a luxurious towel, a nice brush maybe. If your family has sensitive skin, health food stores have wonderful natural products. I would just work on training her to be consistent, and eventually she'll probably be grateful to have those tools to refresh, de-stress, and beautify.

 

FWIW, mine smells pretty bad right now. :D

 

Would you make her do it more than once a day? I guess that is what I'm asking. Right now I'm just making her clean up at night but that sometimes means she is stinky girl from lunch time until bath time.

 

Should I make her get into the shower multiple times a day, just clean up with a washcloth, or just put on deodorant? What is mostly likely to work?

[Sophia]

Here's the the thing~if she smells, other kids are going to notice, and even if they are too polite to say anything to her~they will talk about it.

 

I'd make her wear it even if she argued about it for the next 365 days.

 

You know what will happen if you don't make her wear it?

When she's an adult, she'll be on a message board saying "You know when I was a child, my mom let me run around smelling of b.o. and never did anything about it. I was a kid, what did I know? She should have made me wear it!"

[fairfarmhand]

BTDT here was my response.

 

"you stink. Put on some deodorant right now."

 

She had no choice. The rest of us did not want to be subjected to body odor. The same as when my dh takes off his shoes in the summer and has some foot stink. If I am nice I'll offer to get him a clean pair of socks, but nobody wants to smell the stench.

[SonshineLearner]

Just shaving under her arms will help. I'd ask her to do that...

 

:)

[fairfarmhand]

Would you make her do it more than once a day? I guess that is what I'm asking. Right now I'm just making her clean up at night but that sometimes means she is stinky girl from lunch time until bath time.

 

Should I make her get into the shower multiple times a day, just clean up with a washcloth, or just put on deodorant? What is mostly likely to work?

 

 

If she is sweaty and ripe after playing outside in the middle of the day, I'd have her wipe down and put on fresh deodorant. Then a shower at night. That's what worked for my dd. Just swab a washcloth over the pits and change a shirt+fresh deodorant. That's really all the clean up she needed and it worked.

[Daisy]

If she is sweaty and ripe after playing outside in the middle of the day, I'd have her wipe down and put on fresh deodorant. Then a shower at night. That's what worked for my dd. Just swab a washcloth over the pits and change a shirt+fresh deodorant. That's really all the clean up she needed and it worked.

 

This sounds reasonable.

 

I'm going to try it.

 

I wish she would just do it on her own. :glare:

[Gwenhwyfar]

Good grief when does the girly age START?

 

haha. mine dd13 is all about the girly ~ she just went out the door wearing a granny sweater, skinny jeans, uggs, and a beret, with green eyeshadow, sparkly lipgloss, and smelling like a strawberry............. after i spent a half hour telling her no, she couldn't go to her friends until she had a SHOWER cuz she smelled like a workhorse and had enough oil in her hair to fix the squeaky door.

 

i think it's more "i have STUFF to do!" :laugh:

 

what does she 'hate' about the deodorant? is it the time it takes to put it on, the feel of it (there are various kinds - the white stick, gel, aerosol, liquid roll on)?

[Daisy]

Just shaving under her arms will help. I'd ask her to do that...

 

:)

 

Yeah, she wants absolutely nothing to do with that. I think part of the problem is she has physically matured faster than she has socially matured. She still just wants to be a little kid.

[Daisy]

haha. mine dd13 is all about the girly ~ she just went out the door wearing a granny sweater, skinny jeans, uggs, and a beret, with green eyeshadow, sparkly lipgloss, and smelling like a strawberry............. after i spent a half hour telling her no, she couldn't go to her friends until she had a SHOWER cuz she smelled like a workhorse and had enough oil in her hair to fix the squeaky door.

 

i think it's more "i have STUFF to do!" :laugh:

what does she 'hate' about the deodorant? is it the time it takes to put it on, the feel of it (there are various kinds - the white stick, gel, aerosol, liquid roll on)?

 

Actually that has a lot to do with it. She just doesn't want to stop playing to go get cleaned up.

 

I think she views deodorant and shaving as the same evil. The dreaded growing up. It really is a bummer for her because she has the physical maturity of a 12-13yo but socially just isn't interested in being anything but Peter Pan and the Lost Boys.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I know she has sensitive skin but she may need as stronger deodorant. I know that I needed a stronger deodorant in the past. ome deodorants did not work at all for me despite correct application and good showers:) Perhaps you can ask her doctor and maybe she will tolerate a normal deodorant made for sensitive skin? A stronger deodorant made all the difference in the world for me:) Also, be sure that she is washing her underarms extra carefully and rinsing before and after as well. I second shaving her underarms since that will make a difference as well:)

[helena]

Would you make her do it more than once a day? I guess that is what I'm asking. Right now I'm just making her clean up at night but that sometimes means she is stinky girl from lunch time until bath time.

 

Should I make her get into the shower multiple times a day, just clean up with a washcloth, or just put on deodorant? What is mostly likely to work?

 

I think it's fair to ask her to do that once in a while. We call it a bird bath. Does she know how to lather a wash cloth? Armpits and feet, she'll feel like a new girl, and it only takes a minute or two.

As they get older and start their periods, it'll become even more important that they keep themselves clean.

My kids also have sensitive skin (did you say that yours do too?), we use unscented Dr. Broners for their "private parts" :tongue_smilie:.

 

I wouldn't have her put deodorant on over BO. Do you have a Sprouts market near you? We found a natural one that sprays on (it's the stores brand). It actually works.

[Danestress]

my boys smell like some weird combination of wet dog and green onions if they don't wear deodorant.

 

I absolutely make them bath WITH a wash cloth and soap at night. They are supposed to put deodorant on in the morning. I know if they haven't.

 

But I think the once a day will do it. One of mine often plays tennis from 1:00 until 6:30. He doesn't stop to shower:) He showers when he gets home and then eats dinner.

 

My guess is that if she's really scrubbing her armpits at night and really scrubbing her hair and if she's wearing deodorant every day and not wearing the same shirt twice without laundering, it's not going to be THAT bad. If her odor is truly offensive even with all of that, I suspect there may be something in her diet or biochemistry that makes her a bit smellier than normal. Or maybe she needs a different deodorant. Or maybe it's not her pits that are stinking, but her feet or her privates? Not sure.

 

But anyway, for my boys, if they smell after just running for half an hour, it's because they didn't actually have deodorant on. Bad odor is caused by bacteria, not be sweat. So figure out where the bacteria problem is coming in.

[Daisy]

My guess is that if she's really scrubbing her armpits at night and really scrubbing her hair and if she's wearing deodorant every day and not wearing the same shirt twice without laundering, it's not going to be THAT bad.

 

Well, we are doing everything but the deodorant. I just went and talked to her about it. Turns out her deodorant is BROKE. Her brother played with it and busted it all up. :glare: I swear that kid kills me.

 

So we are going to buy her some new deodorant today and maybe I'll get her brother some too. I'll try to make it a positive experience that doesn't dissolve into, ♪ ♫ I don't wanna grow up..♪♫

 

My kids always smell like onions. They get outside and play in the onion GRASS. Blech.

[kalanamak]

So what do I do?

 

A rinse in the shower with a bit of vinegar after playing hard?

 

A pile of washclothes in her BR, for to sop in hot water, ring out, and wipe the pits, buds, pubs, and nates after every hard run?

 

4711? It only comes out when you sweat.

Edited October 30, 2010 by kalanamak

[kamom]

You got some great suggestions.

 

I don't want to hog the thread, but would you tell a SIL that you can smell her BO. often. at least half the time that I am with her.I feel really sorry for her. She is married I don't know why her dh doesn't tell her. I don't want to start a thread in case she reads here.

[Mom0012]

I think that shaving her armpits and using deodorant would make a big difference and I'd require it. I'd get her an electric shaver and she can just zip it under her armpits in a minute or two every other day.

 

I have an 11 year old son and I have to force him to take a shower daily. Otherwise, he just won't. He fights me at times, but since I've consistently required him to do this for a while and I refuse to discuss it, he doesn't bother to argue nearly as often. The funny thing is, as soon as he is in the shower, you can hear him singing and playing and enjoying himself.

 

Lisa

[Bird Girl]

She should shave her armpits--the deodorant won't help if it can't reach the skin. Once a week should do it.

[nd293]

I have the same problem with dd-just-turned-10. Deodorant is non-negotiable! She has to use a "clinical strength" one for it to have any effect, and it needs to be put on at night. That is something of an advantage, as it's one less nag - bath-and-deodorant in one big moan-fest, then finished for the next 24 hours!

[LaissezFaire]

My girls are at the same age and stage. It takes some prodding but I require them to keep up with their hygiene. Hygiene is a habit and I really don't want them to be lazy about it.

[oldskool]

You got some great suggestions.

 

I don't want to hog the thread, but would you tell a SIL that you can smell her BO. often. at least half the time that I am with her.I feel really sorry for her. She is married I don't know why her dh doesn't tell her. I don't want to start a thread in case she reads here.

 

It is so much harder with adults. I think maybe a big hint? Or bring it up in a side way, such as a conversation asking about how you might tell your own child that it is time for deodorant. Maybe you could then say how you would not want your child to grow up and smell, etc. It may provide some self-realization. We have dealt with this and like I said it is much more uncomfortable as adults. :blush:

 

Lesley

[Unicorn.]

Just shaving under her arms will help. I'd ask her to do that...

 

:)

 

Not necessarily. I know I smell better when I don't shave under my arms. Shaving seems to open all the pores and let out the smell. :lol:

[tex-mex]

This sounds reasonable.

 

I'm going to try it.

 

I wish she would just do it on her own. :glare:

Another factor is the smell (the problem) is bacteria from the sweat glands resting in the underarm hairs. Even with a daily shower, the armpits will be "odorous" in those circumstances. Perhaps she needs to begin shaving? Or start wearing the deodorant -- and a washcloth under the pits during midday?

[Laura Corin]

This is hard to explain. She showers every single day, washes her hair, washes her face, brushes her teeth, etc. She has good hygiene in that regard. Though I do have to nag her about all of it.

 

She just always smells ripe after running around and the running around NEVER stops.

 

Honestly, I'm not even sure deodorant would solve the problem.

 

I don't think there's much you can do: it doesn't make sense to have her shower four times a day. I think you might have to just cope until she runs around less (most children play sweatily less often as they become teens) so that it falls into a pattern. Then you can institute a shower after exercise.

 

I do think that we ask a lot of each other in expecting no smell from human bodies. I'm happy to complain about day-old sweat, but fresh sweat is just human. FWIW the boys' school does not have the children shower after exercise - yes, even the teenagers. They both shower at night.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

[Pamela H in Texas]

She should shave her armpits--the deodorant won't help if it can't reach the skin. Once a week should do it.

 

Men usually don't shave their armpits....

 

For the OP...well, I can't give any advice. I fussed with my daughter about remembering deoderant. Worse, even when she remembered, there still were issues at key hormonal periods (which seemed to last much longer and happen more than reasonable). Maybe a note on the mirror in the bathroom or putting the deoderant out near the hairbrush or ???

[Karis]

chlorophyll capsules might help, too.

[fairfarmhand]

This sounds reasonable.

 

I'm going to try it.

 

I wish she would just do it on her own. :glare:

 

 

I probably had to tell my dd to do this for over a year. Now we have gone to the opposite extreme...everyone waiting in the car while she runs back in to put on fresh deodorant just in case.

[LibraryLover]

I think all of this is perfectly normal for kids this age.

 

 

I agree. It's enough. Maybe you have an extra -sensitive nose. ;) I know I do. I would make sure she continues to shower daily, but that's it for now. Showering every time she comes in from playing is too much. I agree with Laura that we too often expect people not to smell human.

Edited October 30, 2010 by LibraryLover

[kalanamak]

She should shave her armpits--the deodorant won't help if it can't reach the skin. Once a week should do it.

 

I don't shave and deodorant works for me. I don't wear any on the weekend (but do wash up and apply if I'm going out), and the gentle Kiss My Face stuff I use only works for the day, but I am furrier than hubby, and it does work.

 

Think about it. Why would deods work on unshaven men but not unshaven women?

 

But, I'm a non-shaver, and daughter of a non-shaver, who non-shaved decades before the 60s. :)