Sue G in PA Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 My dh work in education as a high school reform specialist and does not make a ton of money. His paycheck is BARELY enough to cover our basic needs with the "occasional" treat like eating out or a trip to the cheap movies. We have to budget WAY in advance for things like sports, clothing, homeschool purchases, school supplies, shoes for the kids, medical expenses, etc. For me, it is a CONSTANT source of stress probably b/c I am the one who does most of the shopping and buying. Dh doesn't see a problem. I'm grateful for what we have, please don't me wrong and we are very frugal (shop Goodwill, clearances, accept hand-me-downs, drive CHEAP vehicles, etc.). And I know others have it worse. Anyway, I need to find some ways to make more money for our family. I've tried part-time jobs nearby (nobody is hiring and we live in a rather rural area). I occasionally work as a children's entertainer (clown, balloon artist, face painter) but work has been slow. I'm looking for ideas for work-from-home jobs, etc. Anything. I'm just so sick and tired of stressing over money. Help? Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m4given Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I'm also interested in what others may have to offer you. The following are just some thoughts. Thinking out loud here. I've a few ideas, but am wondering how close to a town/city you are? *Are you good with crafts/sewing/mending? Do you like writing? There are online opportunities for these skills mentioned. *Childcare? Maybe your kid(s) (depending on age) can become certified in this area? *Could you keep & care for animals? Someone in our 4-H group drives to people's places to care for their animals. Maybe you could keep animals at your place. One thing we started to be involved in is delivering the weekend "bag" -- a bag of advertisements. We took in town routes so that there is not so much wear & tear on the car/van. We did this to primarily work as a family. It's something, but not great pay. It does help to pay for groceries while dh's paychecks are inconsistent. It at first was meant for the little extras in life, including curriculum, but now that's changed. I'm glad we started when we did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Sue, sometimes I wonder if...in some situations...trying to find work-from-home doesn't *contribute* to the $ stress. I know for me it got to be a cycle. Hs'ing would decline because I was working/looking for work. The result was never much $--not enough to reduce the stress of dh's income--& then I felt even worse about things because I'd dropped so many balls in the process. Someday I'm going to be smart enough to actually save this story, but...Kathleen? Do you still have a link to the Queen story about the apple orchard lady? I know it's stressful, & I don't know if this is the right answer, but for now...I'm trying to focus on my kids & on contentment. I have half as many as you, so I should really keep my mouth shut, come to think of it. :001_huh: Sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I found it! When Queens Ride By Read it, Sue, & take care of yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I know one mom who does an early morning paper route with the kids. If dh works for the public schools, would getting more education move up his salary? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Tutoring! http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=76388 Once you get a few students, you won't even need to advertise, you've done enough phonics/spelling work that you should be able to do great!! You could also read All of a Kind Family, it will make you want to live in NY and be poor and Jewish. (I just read it last night.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mrsjamiesouth Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Sue, sometimes I wonder if...in some situations...trying to find work-from-home doesn't *contribute* to the $ stress. I know for me it got to be a cycle. Hs'ing would decline because I was working/looking for work. The result was never much $--not enough to reduce the stress of dh's income--& then I felt even worse about things because I'd dropped so many balls in the process. Someday I'm going to be smart enough to actually save this story, but...Kathleen? Do you still have a link to the Queen story about the apple orchard lady? I know it's stressful, & I don't know if this is the right answer, but for now...I'm trying to focus on my kids & on contentment. I have half as many as you, so I should really keep my mouth shut, come to think of it. :001_huh: Sorry. :grouphug: Thank you for recommending the Story, I loved it! This is what I needed to hear. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Sue, sometimes I wonder if...in some situations...trying to find work-from-home doesn't *contribute* to the $ stress. I know for me it got to be a cycle. Hs'ing would decline because I was working/looking for work. The result was never much $--not enough to reduce the stress of dh's income--& then I felt even worse about things because I'd dropped so many balls in the process. Someday I'm going to be smart enough to actually save this story, but...Kathleen? Do you still have a link to the Queen story about the apple orchard lady? I know it's stressful, & I don't know if this is the right answer, but for now...I'm trying to focus on my kids & on contentment. I have half as many as you, so I should really keep my mouth shut, come to think of it. :001_huh: Sorry. :grouphug: I agree, Aubrey. I have as many as Sue and probably half the income (totally guessing - I don't have a clue what her dh makes!) I stress my dh out with my constant whining about not having enough money. He finally said to me a couple of days ago that every year I talk about putting the dc in school and getting a job. Every year I say we just can't make it the way we are. And every year, we get through it and come out on the other side okay. Every year, I make him feel like crap for not making enough money.:glare: I told him in the past, "If you could just get a job with benefits I would be so happy!" So he did, but then I kept complaining.:blush: I am going to work on this. My 12yo earns money for his own activities. It is *good* for him! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I love what Aubrey linked--I put it on my blog a long time ago and often think of it. :001_smile: She has an excellent point. I've tried to look for a work at home job, and ended up babysitting (not at home) and pet sitting (not at home!). It's been a little stressful, but helped a bit. I COULD see you setting up a dog care area on your property. You could only take a couple of dogs at a time b/c of kennel laws (check, of course), but perhaps you could advertise your pet sitting services for just the summer, and see how it goes. This is the busy vacation season. I am more suburban, and I have 3 cat clients this month, and a dog/cat combo at the end of the month. I'll probably bring in an extra $300. It's not much, and it does require about 30-40 minutes every day. If you board at your home, here you can charge $25 a day, but you have the constant presence of a beastie or two (and you have to have a place for them, they can't be barkers or pee'ers--I boarded a daschund who did both and it was WAY stressful). You might make 300-400 dollars that way. Again, it'll dry up in Sept. I could see you tutoring. Finding clients isn't too hard. You now have contacts at the schools where your kids went, so you could put your name in there and may get some business. You can advertise on sittercity or care.com or care4hire.com for free, and find clients looking for a tutor there. But IDK, maybe it is better just to keep living frugally. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jplain Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Maybe you'd feel more empowered if you worked on reducing "money out" rather than increasing "money in." Read (or re-read) Tightwad Gazette and other books to get you in the mood to think creatively about reducing expenses. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I really like that story and its message and definitely had to bookmark it. Although I couldn't help wondering what happened next. :tongue_smilie: Did the apples get picked? How did they do without the money from the tomatos? How come the kids weren't put to work (if they're old enough to run around alone all day, certainly they can help pick tomatos and feed chickens). :D I have done a paper route in the past and it was a great way to make some extra money. I made close to $300 a week but I live in a densely populated, suburban area. I'm not sure how much money you'll be able to get in a more rural area - at least not without putting a lot of wear on your car and paying for gas. I've been thinking of doing a Mom's Morning out program. Taking in a few kids for 3-4 hours a day, doing simple crafts, storytime, outside play. There seems to be a real need (at least in my area) for something with less hours than daycare, but less expensive and less of a commitment than preschools. Around here preschools are $11-20/hour and require you to sign up for an entire school year. I'm thinking of something where mom's can pay weekly or monthly to have someplace to drop off kids for a few hours while they run errands, go to doctor's appointments and (for homeschoolers) work with older children. It would depend on the laws in your state how many kids you could have at once. I figured this was something that wouldn't interfere with my time with my children very much and some of the activities could even incorporate their lessons (older children could do storytime, help with crafts, etc.). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate in Arabia Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I found a data entry work-at-home job when I was living in Chicago. I looked in the local paper (not the Tribune, they had little neighborhood papers) and looked for job advertisements for working at home that had local numbers listed as the contact, NOT 1-800 numbers. The job I got was getting information off of microfilm and entering it into a database. I needed my own computer, but they gave me a microfilm reader and once a week I went to pick up new reels and drop off the old. It was extremely dry work, but you set your own hours, how much or little you wanted to work, etc. So in that respect it was good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted June 12, 2010 Author Share Posted June 12, 2010 Thanks for the ideas. A few things: My dh is allergic to all animals so a no go on the dogs. Good idea though! Tutoring would work. I DO have a ton of contacts here. Dh could do that as well. Dh doesn't have a job where he has any hope of advancement. Didn't even get a raise this year. We are Very frugal. I am constantly trying to find ways to cut costs. Part of my stress. I can't even go grocery shopping w/out feeling the stress wondering if I could be getting a better "deal" somewhere else. I carry a calculator when buying diapers and such to calculate the cost per diaper to make sure I am getting the best deal possible. We hardly eat out, but must be realistic. We have basic, basic cable (enough to get reception basically), lowest cost internet around, buy used, accept "freebies", etc. Thanks for the ideas and the article. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Can you clean houses? I make good money. And it's something you could do on the weekends and evenings. I also help people organize their stuff. I do bookkeeping one day a week for a charity. (Dh has been laid off for 8 months now-we're struggling but I feel like I'm helping the family.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RahRah Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Does your area have an online calendar of events for families with children that's comprehensive and well done? If not, with blogger and facebook, you could start a blog with an embedded google calendar (which is easy to use), get fans with facebook and include in your calendar everything going on in your area (region) for families with kids. Every couple of days, write a blog post about something you've done with your kids at some place in the area. In a short period of time, you can approach local businesses to sponsor your calendar for a yearly fee (anywhere between $120 - $10 a month - to $480 - $40 a month....depends on your population demographics) as you grow in popularity. In our are, we have one mom who recently started something like this and within six months she's gotten over 1,000 fans on her facebook page and now has a dozen or so sponsors at $250 a year. She's doing well in growing this and she's said it takes less than an hour a day to maintain it and she does that while her child naps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Can you clean houses? I make good money. And it's something you could do on the weekends and evenings. I also help people organize their stuff. I do bookkeeping one day a week for a charity. (Dh has been laid off for 8 months now-we're struggling but I feel like I'm helping the family.) How do you clean houses at night and on the weekends? Don't most people want you to do it when they are not home? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I'm glad you were able to find the link, Aubrey, since I'm just now reading this. And your advice is spot on. Spending time looking for work or other ways to make money (selling on ebay, etc.) can be a huge distraction and keep you from accomplishing your other goals. It is very difficult for me to offer advice because I know everyone's situation is different and there will always be objections due to circumstances I don't know about. Also, I am a Christian so that plays a huge a part in how I deal with my situation. I can really only say how I've approached my own version of "never enough money" and hope there's something here that helps. My dh is a blue collar worker and we live in a high cost of living area. We've never been able to work out a budget on paper that works well. Our housing cost is always much more, percentage-wise, than the household finance books tell us it should be. If we wrote down what dh makes and what we spend in a year on basic necessities, it wouldn't "add up," but somehow we always manage to get from one day to the next and one year to the next. Somehow, through 24 years of marriage and 5 kids, we have always pulled through. I don't know what else to attribute it to but the grace of God. I'm a worrier and I've spent a great deal of time in those 24 years stressing about our finances. I have plotted and planned many ways to make extra money and I think that has had two negative effects. Like Aubrey said, it has kept me from my main focus of being a mom, teacher, and homemaker and it has sent a discouraging message to my husband who is working very, very hard to provide for us. (Dh works two jobs - always has - so I can stay home and be with our children.) My constant whining and stressing about our financial situation sends the message that his contribution is not enough, that he is a failure as a husband and father. How that must break his heart. I've had to work very hard at being content and I'm still not there completely, but at least now I know that being content is a worthy goal and I am striving for it. It is absolutely not easy for me, but I believe it is God's will and so I am trying to submit to it. Right now I have two dead cars in the driveway. Dd17 had a doctor's appt. this morning and her cousin took her. Ds13 and dd11 are at a fishing contest in our community and my neighbor took them. Last night we had a baby shower at our church and a friend from church took us. I really don't like having to ask for rides and not being able to run to the store or the library when I want to, but what choice do I have? In the meantime, I'm getting to know my neighbors and my friends at church and all these folks are having the opportunity to serve. God knows what's best. He's working His plan out and I'm having to just submit. I agree with a pp that it may be best to just turn your attention to making your husband's paycheck work. I really do truly, truly know that is not what you want to hear because I've had people tell me the same thing and I just want to scream that I already am doing that and it just isn't enough. Buuuuttttt, we're still here and we still have a roof over our heads and food on the table. We may not have much of anything else, but we are fine. I think Satan delights in distracting us moms - making us fret and fume over lack of finances. He really loves it when we don't just relax and trust God to work it out. That motivates me all the more to just turn my nose up at him and determine to stop worrying and keep trusting. We are on this earth to bring glory to God. He gets the most glory when we trust Him during the difficult times. It's easy to say "God is good all the time, all the time God is good" when there is plenty of money in the bank - anyone can do that. But when we are confident of that truth when things look bleak and we refuse to waver but choose, instead, to stand firm and trust Him no matter what, He is truly glorified. I encourage you to pray and lay all your concerns before Him. What is it that you need that you cannot afford? Ask Him for it. We poor folks have the greatest ability to see the mighty hand of God working in our lives. What a powerful testimony of God's power and grace and love and mercy it is to our children and the whole world for that matter when we lay our needs before Him in prayer and wait for Him to answer. He is the God who provides. There is nothing too hard for Him. As usual, I've rambled on quite a bit. Sorry. I hope I have encouraged you and not discouraged you. Like I said at the start, I don't know your entire situation, I don't know the details. Advice like mine can be very grating when what you really want is just to have more money - believe me, I know!!! It may be that God does have some work-at-home idea for you. There's nothing wrong with praying about that and asking God to provide it - just don't let that become your main focus. (I volunteered to do proofreading for a homeschool newsletter after reading a plea for help in it. The volunteer coordinator contacted me and got me all set up - it's all online. It was only after I was installed as the new proofreader that I learned I was going to receive a monthly stipend for my effort, so opportunities can come.:)) If it is slow in coming or never comes at all, trust Him to provide another way. I really hope this doesn't all sound trite and unfeeling. Please know that I am intimately acquainted with the stress that comes from always being on the brink of disaster with money. It's just that, for me, it has never helped to focus on increasing the cash flow. Instead, I've found my peace in accepting my situation and making the most of it. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret in GA Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Thank you for recommending the Story, I loved it! This is what I needed to hear. :grouphug: Me, too. Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairProspects Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I'm glad you were able to find the link, Aubrey, since I'm just now reading this. And your advice is spot on. Spending time looking for work or other ways to make money (selling on ebay, etc.) can be a huge distraction and keep you from accomplishing your other goals. It is very difficult for me to offer advice because I know everyone's situation is different and there will always be objections due to circumstances I don't know about. Also, I am a Christian so that plays a huge a part in how I deal with my situation. I can really only say how I've approached my own version of "never enough money" and hope there's something here that helps. My dh is a blue collar worker and we live in a high cost of living area. We've never been able to work out a budget on paper that works well. Our housing cost is always much more, percentage-wise, than the household finance books tell us it should be. If we wrote down what dh makes and what we spend in a year on basic necessities, it wouldn't "add up," but somehow we always manage to get from one day to the next and one year to the next. Somehow, through 24 years of marriage and 5 kids, we have always pulled through. I don't know what else to attribute it to but the grace of God. I'm a worrier and I've spent a great deal of time in those 24 years stressing about our finances. I have plotted and planned many ways to make extra money and I think that has had two negative effects. Like Aubrey said, it has kept me from my main focus of being a mom, teacher, and homemaker and it has sent a discouraging message to my husband who is working very, very hard to provide for us. (Dh works two jobs - always has - so I can stay home and be with our children.) My constant whining and stressing about our financial situation sends the message that his contribution is not enough, that he is a failure as a husband and father. How that must break his heart. I've had to work very hard at being content and I'm still not there completely, but at least now I know that being content is a worthy goal and I am striving for it. It is absolutely not easy for me, but I believe it is God's will and so I am trying to submit to it. Right now I have two dead cars in the driveway. Dd17 had a doctor's appt. this morning and her cousin took her. Ds13 and dd11 are at a fishing contest in our community and my neighbor took them. Last night we had a baby shower at our church and a friend from church took us. I really don't like having to ask for rides and not being able to run to the store or the library when I want to, but what choice do I have? In the meantime, I'm getting to know my neighbors and my friends at church and all these folks are having the opportunity to serve. God knows what's best. He's working His plan out and I'm having to just submit. I agree with a pp that it may be best to just turn your attention to making your husband's paycheck work. I really do truly, truly know that is not what you want to hear because I've had people tell me the same thing and I just want to scream that I already am doing that and it just isn't enough. Buuuuttttt, we're still here and we still have a roof over our heads and food on the table. We may not have much of anything else, but we are fine. I think Satan delights in distracting us moms - making us fret and fume over lack of finances. He really loves it when we don't just relax and trust God to work it out. That motivates me all the more to just turn my nose up at him and determine to stop worrying and keep trusting. We are on this earth to bring glory to God. He gets the most glory when we trust Him during the difficult times. It's easy to say "God is good all the time, all the time God is good" when there is plenty of money in the bank - anyone can do that. But when we are confident of that truth when things look bleak and we refuse to waver but choose, instead, to stand firm and trust Him no matter what, He is truly glorified. I encourage you to pray and lay all your concerns before Him. What is it that you need that you cannot afford? Ask Him for it. We poor folks have the greatest ability to see the mighty hand of God working in our lives. What a powerful testimony of God's power and grace and love and mercy it is to our children and the whole world for that matter when we lay our needs before Him in prayer and wait for Him to answer. He is the God who provides. There is nothing too hard for Him. As usual, I've rambled on quite a bit. Sorry. I hope I have encouraged you and not discouraged you. Like I said at the start, I don't know your entire situation, I don't know the details. Advice like mine can be very grating when what you really want is just to have more money - believe me, I know!!! It may be that God does have some work-at-home idea for you. There's nothing wrong with praying about that and asking God to provide it - just don't let that become your main focus. (I volunteered to do proofreading for a homeschool newsletter after reading a plea for help in it. The volunteer coordinator contacted me and got me all set up - it's all online. It was only after I was installed as the new proofreader that I learned I was going to receive a monthly stipend for my effort, so opportunities can come.:)) If it is slow in coming or never comes at all, trust Him to provide another way. I really hope this doesn't all sound trite and unfeeling. Please know that I am intimately acquainted with the stress that comes from always being on the brink of disaster with money. It's just that, for me, it has never helped to focus on increasing the cash flow. Instead, I've found my peace in accepting my situation and making the most of it. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: What an awesome post! Thank you!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I'm glad you were able to find the link, Aubrey, since I'm just now reading this. And your advice is spot on. Spending time looking for work or other ways to make money (selling on ebay, etc.) can be a huge distraction and keep you from accomplishing your other goals. It is very difficult for me to offer advice because I know everyone's situation is different and there will always be objections due to circumstances I don't know about. Also, I am a Christian so that plays a huge a part in how I deal with my situation. I can really only say how I've approached my own version of "never enough money" and hope there's something here that helps. My dh is a blue collar worker and we live in a high cost of living area. We've never been able to work out a budget on paper that works well. Our housing cost is always much more, percentage-wise, than the household finance books tell us it should be. If we wrote down what dh makes and what we spend in a year on basic necessities, it wouldn't "add up," but somehow we always manage to get from one day to the next and one year to the next. Somehow, through 24 years of marriage and 5 kids, we have always pulled through. I don't know what else to attribute it to but the grace of God. I'm a worrier and I've spent a great deal of time in those 24 years stressing about our finances. I have plotted and planned many ways to make extra money and I think that has had two negative effects. Like Aubrey said, it has kept me from my main focus of being a mom, teacher, and homemaker and it has sent a discouraging message to my husband who is working very, very hard to provide for us. (Dh works two jobs - always has - so I can stay home and be with our children.) My constant whining and stressing about our financial situation sends the message that his contribution is not enough, that he is a failure as a husband and father. How that must break his heart. I've had to work very hard at being content and I'm still not there completely, but at least now I know that being content is a worthy goal and I am striving for it. It is absolutely not easy for me, but I believe it is God's will and so I am trying to submit to it. Right now I have two dead cars in the driveway. Dd17 had a doctor's appt. this morning and her cousin took her. Ds13 and dd11 are at a fishing contest in our community and my neighbor took them. Last night we had a baby shower at our church and a friend from church took us. I really don't like having to ask for rides and not being able to run to the store or the library when I want to, but what choice do I have? In the meantime, I'm getting to know my neighbors and my friends at church and all these folks are having the opportunity to serve. God knows what's best. He's working His plan out and I'm having to just submit. I agree with a pp that it may be best to just turn your attention to making your husband's paycheck work. I really do truly, truly know that is not what you want to hear because I've had people tell me the same thing and I just want to scream that I already am doing that and it just isn't enough. Buuuuttttt, we're still here and we still have a roof over our heads and food on the table. We may not have much of anything else, but we are fine. I think Satan delights in distracting us moms - making us fret and fume over lack of finances. He really loves it when we don't just relax and trust God to work it out. That motivates me all the more to just turn my nose up at him and determine to stop worrying and keep trusting. We are on this earth to bring glory to God. He gets the most glory when we trust Him during the difficult times. It's easy to say "God is good all the time, all the time God is good" when there is plenty of money in the bank - anyone can do that. But when we are confident of that truth when things look bleak and we refuse to waver but choose, instead, to stand firm and trust Him no matter what, He is truly glorified. I encourage you to pray and lay all your concerns before Him. What is it that you need that you cannot afford? Ask Him for it. We poor folks have the greatest ability to see the mighty hand of God working in our lives. What a powerful testimony of God's power and grace and love and mercy it is to our children and the whole world for that matter when we lay our needs before Him in prayer and wait for Him to answer. He is the God who provides. There is nothing too hard for Him. As usual, I've rambled on quite a bit. Sorry. I hope I have encouraged you and not discouraged you. Like I said at the start, I don't know your entire situation, I don't know the details. Advice like mine can be very grating when what you really want is just to have more money - believe me, I know!!! It may be that God does have some work-at-home idea for you. There's nothing wrong with praying about that and asking God to provide it - just don't let that become your main focus. (I volunteered to do proofreading for a homeschool newsletter after reading a plea for help in it. The volunteer coordinator contacted me and got me all set up - it's all online. It was only after I was installed as the new proofreader that I learned I was going to receive a monthly stipend for my effort, so opportunities can come.:)) If it is slow in coming or never comes at all, trust Him to provide another way. I really hope this doesn't all sound trite and unfeeling. Please know that I am intimately acquainted with the stress that comes from always being on the brink of disaster with money. It's just that, for me, it has never helped to focus on increasing the cash flow. Instead, I've found my peace in accepting my situation and making the most of it. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Thank you! I needed this today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Thanks Kathleen! This is a great post. I wish I had read it two weeks ago before I made my dh feel terrible about how much he doesn't make. :leaving: I feel really, really bad and I hope I can make it up to him.:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoosiermom Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I tutor ps students during the evenings. Dd, who is 14, is able to help out w/ some of the younger ones. We live in a rural area where it's at least an hour's drive to what I call a *city* where Sylvan or other similar places would be available. I always have a waiting list and must turn away many who call. If you wanted to get started, I would contact the guidance offices of any nearby school and also put notices on bulletin boards at groc stores, post offices, churches, etc. Before long, you won't need to advertise--it will be done by your past clients recommending you to others. Altho I hs my dd, the public school bus driver who goes by our house is willing to drop students here after school, and then their parents pick the kids up when they get off work. Best of luck w/ whatever you choose! Cathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Thanks Kathleen! This is a great post. I wish I had read it two weeks ago before I made my dh feel terrible about how much he doesn't make. :leaving: I feel really, really bad and I hope I can make it up to him.:001_huh: I'm going to have to reread it once or twice a week (possibly more:D) myself as a reminder lest I fall back into old habits. It is so easy to get tripped up and forget that God really is in control and is altogether trustworthy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kym Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I'm glad you were able to find the link, Aubrey, since I'm just now reading this. And your advice is spot on. Spending time looking for work or other ways to make money (selling on ebay, etc.) can be a huge distraction and keep you from accomplishing your other goals. It is very difficult for me to offer advice because I know everyone's situation is different and there will always be objections due to circumstances I don't know about. Also, I am a Christian so that plays a huge a part in how I deal with my situation. I can really only say how I've approached my own version of "never enough money" and hope there's something here that helps. My dh is a blue collar worker and we live in a high cost of living area. We've never been able to work out a budget on paper that works well. Our housing cost is always much more, percentage-wise, than the household finance books tell us it should be. If we wrote down what dh makes and what we spend in a year on basic necessities, it wouldn't "add up," but somehow we always manage to get from one day to the next and one year to the next. Somehow, through 24 years of marriage and 5 kids, we have always pulled through. I don't know what else to attribute it to but the grace of God. I'm a worrier and I've spent a great deal of time in those 24 years stressing about our finances. I have plotted and planned many ways to make extra money and I think that has had two negative effects. Like Aubrey said, it has kept me from my main focus of being a mom, teacher, and homemaker and it has sent a discouraging message to my husband who is working very, very hard to provide for us. (Dh works two jobs - always has - so I can stay home and be with our children.) My constant whining and stressing about our financial situation sends the message that his contribution is not enough, that he is a failure as a husband and father. How that must break his heart. I've had to work very hard at being content and I'm still not there completely, but at least now I know that being content is a worthy goal and I am striving for it. It is absolutely not easy for me, but I believe it is God's will and so I am trying to submit to it. Right now I have two dead cars in the driveway. Dd17 had a doctor's appt. this morning and her cousin took her. Ds13 and dd11 are at a fishing contest in our community and my neighbor took them. Last night we had a baby shower at our church and a friend from church took us. I really don't like having to ask for rides and not being able to run to the store or the library when I want to, but what choice do I have? In the meantime, I'm getting to know my neighbors and my friends at church and all these folks are having the opportunity to serve. God knows what's best. He's working His plan out and I'm having to just submit. I agree with a pp that it may be best to just turn your attention to making your husband's paycheck work. I really do truly, truly know that is not what you want to hear because I've had people tell me the same thing and I just want to scream that I already am doing that and it just isn't enough. Buuuuttttt, we're still here and we still have a roof over our heads and food on the table. We may not have much of anything else, but we are fine. I think Satan delights in distracting us moms - making us fret and fume over lack of finances. He really loves it when we don't just relax and trust God to work it out. That motivates me all the more to just turn my nose up at him and determine to stop worrying and keep trusting. We are on this earth to bring glory to God. He gets the most glory when we trust Him during the difficult times. It's easy to say "God is good all the time, all the time God is good" when there is plenty of money in the bank - anyone can do that. But when we are confident of that truth when things look bleak and we refuse to waver but choose, instead, to stand firm and trust Him no matter what, He is truly glorified. I encourage you to pray and lay all your concerns before Him. What is it that you need that you cannot afford? Ask Him for it. We poor folks have the greatest ability to see the mighty hand of God working in our lives. What a powerful testimony of God's power and grace and love and mercy it is to our children and the whole world for that matter when we lay our needs before Him in prayer and wait for Him to answer. He is the God who provides. There is nothing too hard for Him. As usual, I've rambled on quite a bit. Sorry. I hope I have encouraged you and not discouraged you. Like I said at the start, I don't know your entire situation, I don't know the details. Advice like mine can be very grating when what you really want is just to have more money - believe me, I know!!! It may be that God does have some work-at-home idea for you. There's nothing wrong with praying about that and asking God to provide it - just don't let that become your main focus. (I volunteered to do proofreading for a homeschool newsletter after reading a plea for help in it. The volunteer coordinator contacted me and got me all set up - it's all online. It was only after I was installed as the new proofreader that I learned I was going to receive a monthly stipend for my effort, so opportunities can come.:)) If it is slow in coming or never comes at all, trust Him to provide another way. I really hope this doesn't all sound trite and unfeeling. Please know that I am intimately acquainted with the stress that comes from always being on the brink of disaster with money. It's just that, for me, it has never helped to focus on increasing the cash flow. Instead, I've found my peace in accepting my situation and making the most of it. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Thank you, thank you, Kathleen, for the thoughtful, encouraging post! I needed this as well. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eaglei Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Sue, sometimes I wonder if...in some situations...trying to find work-from-home doesn't *contribute* to the $ stress. I know for me it got to be a cycle. Hs'ing would decline because I was working/looking for work. The result was never much $--not enough to reduce the stress of dh's income--& then I felt even worse about things because I'd dropped so many balls in the process. Someday I'm going to be smart enough to actually save this story, but...Kathleen? Do you still have a link to the Queen story about the apple orchard lady? I know it's stressful, & I don't know if this is the right answer, but for now...I'm trying to focus on my kids & on contentment. I have half as many as you, so I should really keep my mouth shut, come to think of it. :001_huh: Sorry. ORIGINALLY POSTED BY KATHLEEN IN VA: I'm glad you were able to find the link, Aubrey, since I'm just now reading this. And your advice is spot on. Spending time looking for work or other ways to make money (selling on ebay, etc.) can be a huge distraction and keep you from accomplishing your other goals. It is very difficult for me to offer advice because I know everyone's situation is different and there will always be objections due to circumstances I don't know about. Also, I am a Christian so that plays a huge a part in how I deal with my situation. I can really only say how I've approached my own version of "never enough money" and hope there's something here that helps. My dh is a blue collar worker and we live in a high cost of living area. We've never been able to work out a budget on paper that works well. Our housing cost is always much more, percentage-wise, than the household finance books tell us it should be. If we wrote down what dh makes and what we spend in a year on basic necessities, it wouldn't "add up," but somehow we always manage to get from one day to the next and one year to the next. Somehow, through 24 years of marriage and 5 kids, we have always pulled through. I don't know what else to attribute it to but the grace of God. I'm a worrier and I've spent a great deal of time in those 24 years stressing about our finances. I have plotted and planned many ways to make extra money and I think that has had two negative effects. Like Aubrey said, it has kept me from my main focus of being a mom, teacher, and homemaker and it has sent a discouraging message to my husband who is working very, very hard to provide for us. (Dh works two jobs - always has - so I can stay home and be with our children.) My constant whining and stressing about our financial situation sends the message that his contribution is not enough, that he is a failure as a husband and father. How that must break his heart. I've had to work very hard at being content and I'm still not there completely, but at least now I know that being content is a worthy goal and I am striving for it. It is absolutely not easy for me, but I believe it is God's will and so I am trying to submit to it. Right now I have two dead cars in the driveway. Dd17 had a doctor's appt. this morning and her cousin took her. Ds13 and dd11 are at a fishing contest in our community and my neighbor took them. Last night we had a baby shower at our church and a friend from church took us. I really don't like having to ask for rides and not being able to run to the store or the library when I want to, but what choice do I have? In the meantime, I'm getting to know my neighbors and my friends at church and all these folks are having the opportunity to serve. God knows what's best. He's working His plan out and I'm having to just submit. I agree with a pp that it may be best to just turn your attention to making your husband's paycheck work. I really do truly, truly know that is not what you want to hear because I've had people tell me the same thing and I just want to scream that I already am doing that and it just isn't enough. Buuuuttttt, we're still here and we still have a roof over our heads and food on the table. We may not have much of anything else, but we are fine. I think Satan delights in distracting us moms - making us fret and fume over lack of finances. He really loves it when we don't just relax and trust God to work it out. That motivates me all the more to just turn my nose up at him and determine to stop worrying and keep trusting. We are on this earth to bring glory to God. He gets the most glory when we trust Him during the difficult times. It's easy to say "God is good all the time, all the time God is good" when there is plenty of money in the bank - anyone can do that. But when we are confident of that truth when things look bleak and we refuse to waver but choose, instead, to stand firm and trust Him no matter what, He is truly glorified. I encourage you to pray and lay all your concerns before Him. What is it that you need that you cannot afford? Ask Him for it. We poor folks have the greatest ability to see the mighty hand of God working in our lives. What a powerful testimony of God's power and grace and love and mercy it is to our children and the whole world for that matter when we lay our needs before Him in prayer and wait for Him to answer. He is the God who provides. There is nothing too hard for Him. As usual, I've rambled on quite a bit. Sorry. I hope I have encouraged you and not discouraged you. Like I said at the start, I don't know your entire situation, I don't know the details. Advice like mine can be very grating when what you really want is just to have more money - believe me, I know!!! It may be that God does have some work-at-home idea for you. There's nothing wrong with praying about that and asking God to provide it - just don't let that become your main focus. (I volunteered to do proofreading for a homeschool newsletter after reading a plea for help in it. The volunteer coordinator contacted me and got me all set up - it's all online. It was only after I was installed as the new proofreader that I learned I was going to receive a monthly stipend for my effort, so opportunities can come.) If it is slow in coming or never comes at all, trust Him to provide another way. I really hope this doesn't all sound trite and unfeeling. Please know that I am intimately acquainted with the stress that comes from always being on the brink of disaster with money. It's just that, for me, it has never helped to focus on increasing the cash flow. Instead, I've found my peace in accepting my situation and making the most of it. :grouphug: :iagree: These are two great posts. Thank you Aubrey and Kathleen for posting! We, too, live on the edge financially, and also have the added *burden* of huge medical bills from ds' two successful battles with cancer. We live frugally - but it IS stressful when the hard-earned paycheck doesn't stretch to meet the need - and is especially stressful to me, as a Christian, knowing that God is more than able to provide, supply the need, etc. As previous posters mentioned, this is an opportunity to trust God and see His hand in our lives . . . With all we've been through, and are still going through, we haven't gone under - and that is all glory to God. A few years ago I was stressing over all the employment doors God had closed (GOD had closed) to me and fretting because I am willing, able, and capable of working. Pre-parenthood I had had a wonderful job, loved every minute of it. I have skills, talents, abilities. But GOD was clearly the One closing doors and making it VERY plain to me, including in prayer time, that this was NOT the route I was to seek. (Please note that this was His response to ME - I am NOT making any blanket statements about anyone's life or Christian walk:001_smile:). As an aside, I will add here, too, that it is difficult to live in a small area and be a homeschooling mom who is not also working outside the home. Lazy is the word that comes to mind.:glare: People can be quite cruel when they don't know your circumstances, or the issues of your specific life - haven't walked the proverbial mile in your shoes. Anyway, I was talking with a fairly new friend who had a part time job and she was confiding to me about their lives being a financial mess. She was certain she should not be working outside the home, but how would they make it if she didn't? Knowing only about our ds' battle with cancer, but not knowing that we also were engaged in major financial struggles, she suddenly bored her eyes directly into mine, admonished me not to make the mistake she had in getting a job, then said something I don't think I will ever forget. She said: To the extent that you work and contribute to the household income, you diminish God's hand and His glory in what He wants to do in your lives. This was NOT what I wanted to hear! This response is getting long-winded, so I will just say that every time I decide to look for work anyway, something always happens to stop it - dead in the tracks. God's ways are higher than mine, and His thoughts above mine - I don't pretend to know what He's doing - but this I do know - we haven't gone under - and to God be the glory! Just to be totally honest, I did ask the Lord about trying to sell some of the many books we have - we seem to be wall-to-wall books. Every once in awhile, I actually sell some of these books - the earnings are chicken-scratch - but it buys a gallon of milk or a loaf of bread, and sometimes more. Thanks for posting this thread - others have given great responses! :grouphug:Sue - I do understand . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I found it! When Queens Ride By Read it, Sue, & take care of yourself. Aubrey. Thank you so much for posting this story. I am the grey coated woman who made the mistake of saying "yes" to working for my husband when he began his business. And yes, all I am is tired. I am no longer the Mom, wife, homeschool teacher, woman I once was. All I am is exhausted. I am going to have him read this...and then, as I have been slowly planning, back out of his business...sink or swim. I would love to be the one who can do it all.....but whenever I try, we all suffer. the wisdom in that storyspoke volumes to me. Thanks again for posting it. Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Does your DH work in the summer? I know you've been focusing on what you could do, but is there something more he could do? Could he write articles about his area of expertise? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Do you have a budget so that the money you're spending is accounted for before it's spent? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted June 13, 2010 Author Share Posted June 13, 2010 Thanks, Kathleen. Your post is very encouraging. Dh works hard...very hard. Too hard and for not enough. It is frustrating to us both. He DOES feel inadequate and I try to tell him it's not "him" but the job. I try so hard to be content. We are Christians. God always comes through for us. I have to say that I am so tired of relying on the help of other people financially. For once, I would like to be the one giving. We give to our church and we sponsor and child through Compassion and are generous with what we have. I guess every once in a while it gets to me that we can't give more. I'm grateful for our home, our vehicles, food, clothing, our health, my husband, children, EVERYTHING we have. It's not that I want more "stuff". I'm always decluttering. It's the "experiences" we can't provide for our kids. I know...I sound like a spoiled brat. And I guess I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 I'm glad you were able to find the link, Aubrey, since I'm just now reading this. And your advice is spot on. Spending time looking for work or other ways to make money (selling on ebay, etc.) can be a huge distraction and keep you from accomplishing your other goals. It is very difficult for me to offer advice because I know everyone's situation is different and there will always be objections due to circumstances I don't know about. Also, I am a Christian so that plays a huge a part in how I deal with my situation. I can really only say how I've approached my own version of "never enough money" and hope there's something here that helps. My dh is a blue collar worker and we live in a high cost of living area. We've never been able to work out a budget on paper that works well. Our housing cost is always much more, percentage-wise, than the household finance books tell us it should be. If we wrote down what dh makes and what we spend in a year on basic necessities, it wouldn't "add up," but somehow we always manage to get from one day to the next and one year to the next. Somehow, through 24 years of marriage and 5 kids, we have always pulled through. I don't know what else to attribute it to but the grace of God. I'm a worrier and I've spent a great deal of time in those 24 years stressing about our finances. I have plotted and planned many ways to make extra money and I think that has had two negative effects. Like Aubrey said, it has kept me from my main focus of being a mom, teacher, and homemaker and it has sent a discouraging message to my husband who is working very, very hard to provide for us. (Dh works two jobs - always has - so I can stay home and be with our children.) My constant whining and stressing about our financial situation sends the message that his contribution is not enough, that he is a failure as a husband and father. How that must break his heart. I've had to work very hard at being content and I'm still not there completely, but at least now I know that being content is a worthy goal and I am striving for it. It is absolutely not easy for me, but I believe it is God's will and so I am trying to submit to it. Right now I have two dead cars in the driveway. Dd17 had a doctor's appt. this morning and her cousin took her. Ds13 and dd11 are at a fishing contest in our community and my neighbor took them. Last night we had a baby shower at our church and a friend from church took us. I really don't like having to ask for rides and not being able to run to the store or the library when I want to, but what choice do I have? In the meantime, I'm getting to know my neighbors and my friends at church and all these folks are having the opportunity to serve. God knows what's best. He's working His plan out and I'm having to just submit. I agree with a pp that it may be best to just turn your attention to making your husband's paycheck work. I really do truly, truly know that is not what you want to hear because I've had people tell me the same thing and I just want to scream that I already am doing that and it just isn't enough. Buuuuttttt, we're still here and we still have a roof over our heads and food on the table. We may not have much of anything else, but we are fine. I think Satan delights in distracting us moms - making us fret and fume over lack of finances. He really loves it when we don't just relax and trust God to work it out. That motivates me all the more to just turn my nose up at him and determine to stop worrying and keep trusting. We are on this earth to bring glory to God. He gets the most glory when we trust Him during the difficult times. It's easy to say "God is good all the time, all the time God is good" when there is plenty of money in the bank - anyone can do that. But when we are confident of that truth when things look bleak and we refuse to waver but choose, instead, to stand firm and trust Him no matter what, He is truly glorified. I encourage you to pray and lay all your concerns before Him. What is it that you need that you cannot afford? Ask Him for it. We poor folks have the greatest ability to see the mighty hand of God working in our lives. What a powerful testimony of God's power and grace and love and mercy it is to our children and the whole world for that matter when we lay our needs before Him in prayer and wait for Him to answer. He is the God who provides. There is nothing too hard for Him. As usual, I've rambled on quite a bit. Sorry. I hope I have encouraged you and not discouraged you. Like I said at the start, I don't know your entire situation, I don't know the details. Advice like mine can be very grating when what you really want is just to have more money - believe me, I know!!! It may be that God does have some work-at-home idea for you. There's nothing wrong with praying about that and asking God to provide it - just don't let that become your main focus. (I volunteered to do proofreading for a homeschool newsletter after reading a plea for help in it. The volunteer coordinator contacted me and got me all set up - it's all online. It was only after I was installed as the new proofreader that I learned I was going to receive a monthly stipend for my effort, so opportunities can come.:)) If it is slow in coming or never comes at all, trust Him to provide another way. I really hope this doesn't all sound trite and unfeeling. Please know that I am intimately acquainted with the stress that comes from always being on the brink of disaster with money. It's just that, for me, it has never helped to focus on increasing the cash flow. Instead, I've found my peace in accepting my situation and making the most of it. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Kathleen, you are so wise! Thank you for this encouragement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Thanks, Kathleen. Your post is very encouraging. Dh works hard...very hard. Too hard and for not enough. It is frustrating to us both. He DOES feel inadequate and I try to tell him it's not "him" but the job. I try so hard to be content. We are Christians. God always comes through for us. I have to say that I am so tired of relying on the help of other people financially. For once, I would like to be the one giving. We give to our church and we sponsor and child through Compassion and are generous with what we have. I guess every once in a while it gets to me that we can't give more. I'm grateful for our home, our vehicles, food, clothing, our health, my husband, children, EVERYTHING we have. It's not that I want more "stuff". I'm always decluttering. It's the "experiences" we can't provide for our kids. I know...I sound like a spoiled brat. And I guess I am. I don't think you sound like a spoiled brat. I feel the same way about my dc and the things I want to do for them! I feel the same way about having others pay for things for us because we can't (and they think they are important for whatever reason.) I have a child that I would *love* to be able to get violin lessons for - he has a lot of LDs and music is something that he seems to be good at. Another child is tired of feeling like the "poor kid" at his activities and just wanted a sub or McDonalds like all the other kids and not peanut butter & jelly from home. We all want better for our kids. I really wish dh didn't have to work so hard for so little. It is very disheartening to work as hard as he does and not have enough paycheck to go around. It makes it worse when I have my nervous breakdown about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 I would love to be the one who can do it all.....but whenever I try, we all suffer. I'd like to pummel the person who came up with that whole "Enjoli" commercial that some of us of a certain age (ahem!) had bored into our brains at a young age. ( ) To the OP, :grouphug:. I wish you success in easing this burden. I would definitely try the tutoring, as it can be quite rewarding to help someone overcome obstacles. So in addition to some cash, you can make a real difference in some lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 (edited) Thanks, Kathleen. Your post is very encouraging. Dh works hard...very hard. Too hard and for not enough. It is frustrating to us both. He DOES feel inadequate and I try to tell him it's not "him" but the job. I try so hard to be content. We are Christians. God always comes through for us. I have to say that I am so tired of relying on the help of other people financially. For once, I would like to be the one giving. We give to our church and we sponsor and child through Compassion and are generous with what we have. I guess every once in a while it gets to me that we can't give more. I'm grateful for our home, our vehicles, food, clothing, our health, my husband, children, EVERYTHING we have. It's not that I want more "stuff". I'm always decluttering. It's the "experiences" we can't provide for our kids. I know...I sound like a spoiled brat. And I guess I am. :grouphug: No, you're not a spoiled brat. I hear you. And I empathize. I wish I didn't have to work or find ways to make money, but right now I *do* and hearing that it would be better if I stayed home with the kids doesn't help. Hearing advice like "spend less money" doesn't help -- like you, we already shop at Goodwill, eat whole/inexpensive foods for the most part, make this/do that for ourselves to save money. I read articles in magazines (that I pick up free at the library, by the way) 22 ways to save money -- and I'm already doing each and every one if not more. My husband is like yours -- he works HARD. But we just bought a new-to-us house (and we have not one but two payments to make now, as we kept our 2nd house as a rental -- it will serve us better in the long run that way and it will pay for itself). I look at our situation sometimes and I'm sorry my kids haven't had piano lessons (or whatever musical instrument they'd like to play), or been involved in speech clubs, or taken karate lessons or played soccer or gone on big vacations. Well, you know what? I'm NOT sorry -- this is the hand God has given us. We are generous, we give, we serve, we love to bless. We do what we know to do as Christians, and we trust God with the rest. Some people probably think we could do more, or should do things differently -- but we are doing what God has laid before us and we are trusting him. I do this and this to make money to add to our income. Our seven kids are happy. When we are content, they are content. Gosh, even when we're not, they are! We have purchased a home on 2 acres (moving from a city lot), and this is what we're giving them. We got an awesome price (and interest rate) on a great house and piece of land. They're thrilled. They know we're working our butts off for them. We do what God has given us to do. Some people would say (although I wish they wouldn't) that I should stop working and make our situation work on my dh's income. But that's not where we're at before the Lord. He opened the door for me to get training in what I do weeks before that door closed to everyone else. He made it a job with a good salary for a "stay at home" mom. He has kept me employed this last year and hasn't released me yet to no longer do this job. And he has kept handyman jobs going for my husband too. We do what God has put before us. We're looking at using one of our properties as a "bed and breakfast" situation. If that flies, I'll be doing most of the work for that. YAY -- I'm glad I can help my husband. He'll keep working -- he'll always keep working. I'm so thankful for him. Anyway, now I'm just going off on different tangents. I just want you to know that I'm sure your husband appreciates all you are doing for him and your family. :grouphug: Edited June 13, 2010 by milovaný Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 :grouphug: No, you're not a spoiled brat. I hear you. And I empathize. I wish I didn't have to work or find ways to make money, but right now I *do* and hearing that it would be better if I stayed home with the kids doesn't help. Hearing advice like "spend less money" doesn't help -- like you, we already shop at Goodwill, eat whole/inexpensive foods for the most part, make this/do that for ourselves to save money. I read articles in magazines (that I pick up free at the library, by the way) 22 ways to save money -- and I'm already doing each and every one if not more. Anyway, now I'm just going off on different tangents. I just want you to know that I'm sure your husband appreciates all you are doing for him and your family. :grouphug: Maybe the difference is in whether or not your dh wants you to bring in extra income? My dh is absolutely, totally opposed to the dc going to school and/or my working. The stress of it all would probably do us in. Maybe when my dc are older it would work better for us - the oldest here is 12 and he cannot babysit for more than an hour or so. I do know that in general, my working (whether PT or FT) has never really helped our family to be in a better financial position. When you have a lot of dc (especially if they are young) the benefits of working seem to get eaten up in the black hole of the budget. I am not a big fan of "When Queens Ride By" because of this idea that if the woman does "her part" at home and really works at being a homemaker that it will somehow spur her dh on to better things. I know better. What my dh makes at his job or doesn't make is not in my circle of influence. I also understand that the first reaction of many is to be more frugal. Sometimes you just can't - you are stretching every penny until it screams. This is where Kathleen's post really hit home with me. Our budget doesn't work on paper, but somehow we keep going. My stressing about money and what might not be in the future isn't helpful to our family at all. I can only do what I can do - sometimes I just have to rest in my faith. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mrsjamiesouth Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Thanks, Kathleen. Your post is very encouraging. Dh works hard...very hard. Too hard and for not enough. It is frustrating to us both. He DOES feel inadequate and I try to tell him it's not "him" but the job. I try so hard to be content. We are Christians. God always comes through for us. I have to say that I am so tired of relying on the help of other people financially. For once, I would like to be the one giving. We give to our church and we sponsor and child through Compassion and are generous with what we have. I guess every once in a while it gets to me that we can't give more. I'm grateful for our home, our vehicles, food, clothing, our health, my husband, children, EVERYTHING we have. It's not that I want more "stuff". I'm always decluttering. It's the "experiences" we can't provide for our kids. I know...I sound like a spoiled brat. And I guess I am. Have you thought instead of finding a job to use your gifts to barter for "experiences." My ds9 has wanted Guitar lessons for the past year, but I didn't feel we could afford them. Recently a post on a homeschool group came through offering to barter for guitar lessons. I emailed her right away that I bake, listed what I could bake, and set it up so that I am getting his lessons for Half Price! I thought of the Proverbs 31 woman. She didn't work outside the home, but did what she could in the home. Is there any way to reduce your grocery bill by making things from scratch more and/or using coupons? www.couponmom.com This site has great advice. I am spending about $50 a week for food and toiletries. I usually get our fruits and veges from local farmers, and they are always willing to barter too. Another good way is Groupon and Adility. These offer "daily deals" to local places. I recently got a Family Membership to a museum for $40. This covers my whole family for a year. It gives the kids something extra. I don't know if you are close enough to Pittsburgh or Philadelphia, but you could check into this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Thanks, Kathleen. Your post is very encouraging. Dh works hard...very hard. Too hard and for not enough. It is frustrating to us both. He DOES feel inadequate and I try to tell him it's not "him" but the job. I try so hard to be content. We are Christians. God always comes through for us. I have to say that I am so tired of relying on the help of other people financially. For once, I would like to be the one giving. We give to our church and we sponsor and child through Compassion and are generous with what we have. I guess every once in a while it gets to me that we can't give more. I'm grateful for our home, our vehicles, food, clothing, our health, my husband, children, EVERYTHING we have. It's not that I want more "stuff". I'm always decluttering. It's the "experiences" we can't provide for our kids. I know...I sound like a spoiled brat. And I guess I am. Sue, I relate so much to you and your situation. I feel frustrated very often that I cannot give more and I really do wish we weren't so often on the receiving end. Doesn't it seem strange to feel so cash poor and yet always be decluttering? I do that too.:) You don't sound spoiled to me. You sound frustrated - the kind of frustration one feels after trying very hard to be patient for a long, long time. I can't express how much I relate to you. I had to discontinue my daughter's piano lessons (Dd17) last year - she was brokenhearted. She put on a brave front and kept her chin up for the longest time - several months at least - and then this past March she just broke down and sobbed about it. She had wanted to major in music at college and felt her dream was slipping away. I am so proud of how strong she has been. I really do know how it feels to not be able to provide the extras for my children. Even if I could afford lessons now, I haven't got any way to get her there. It's disheartening to be sure. Someone mentioned those articles in magazines about how to save money and very often when I read those I want to track the author down and give him/her a smack upside his/her head. The advice is often quite lame: quit smoking and eating out and drinking alcohol (thanks for that - very helpful indeed ;)), pack your lunch instead of eating out (ya think?), turn out the lights when you leave a room (oh, I hadn't thought of that - what depth of insight!), instead of that cruise to Hawaii try a nearby beach or state park (but we always take a cruise for our vacation:tongue_smilie:). See? I can sound like a spoiled brat, too.:D I hope my post did not frustrate you more. I was afraid it might. When I read Aubrey's post, I realized that very often I went through the same unfruitful cycle she described and I've always come around to the same conclusion. For my own sanity and for the sake of my husband and children, I've needed to get to a place where my lack of an ample bank account isn't always front and center in my thoughts. That's really what I was trying to address - the way worrying about finances seems to dominate my life and steal from the areas I ought to be focusing on. The only way I've been able to do that is to surrender my will and trust God to work out the details. I'm not saying it's wrong to make money at home - the Proverbs 31 woman did that and was praised for it. But I do think it's unhealthy to fret about things - anything really - including finances. I also think it can be quite faith building to let go of the worry and trust God to provide. If He doesn't provide whatever it is I think I need, then I must believe that I didn't really need it after all. That goes for the things I think my children need as well. Since we have been unable to provide piano lessons for Dd17, she has taken it upon herself to earn the money. She gives lessons to four children at our church weekly which allows her to pay for a lesson with a friend of hers who is majoring in music at George Mason University. Another friend of ours is providing the transportation so our two daughters can spend time together (they are very good friends). This is how God has provided and not only has she been able to resume her piano studies, she is building friendships and taking responsibility for her own education. I couldn't have anticipated this at the time we had to drop lessons with her very expensive Russian teacher last year, but I see God's hand in it and am content. I have more stories like this one, but this post is already too long. Just didn't want to leave folks hanging about Dd17 and her situation. Again, please know how much I relate. You and I are two peas in a pod really. I'll be praying that God will lead you and keep you in the center of His will. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 I thought of the Proverbs 31 woman. She didn't work outside the home, but did what she could in the home. :confused: 16 She hath considered a field, and bought it: with the fruit of her hands she hath planted a vineyard...24 She made fine linen, and sold it, and delivered a girdle to the Chanaanite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 I have a few that like to be home. They don't trust people in their homes when they are not home. That's fine with me. I also have a few that prefer a clean house when they get home and give me key. I'm lucky to have family who can watch my boys if needed. Also, I live in Las Vegas where many people work strang shifts. It wouldn't be unheard of to clean a house in an evening while the owner is working 3-11. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sagira Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 I found it! When Queens Ride By Read it, Sue, & take care of yourself. Wow. What a story. Although I find the story very inspiring, I also feel very guilty as I'm not a natural homemaker. Jenny was able to clean up her mess relatively easily, whereas I don't know where to begin. Not very domestic, and never been a hard worker by nature either. Thank you for sharing! After reading this story, I cleaned up for 30 minutes, which is a miracle, especially by myself, and being pregnant and fatigued! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Thanks, Kathleen. Your post is very encouraging. Dh works hard...very hard. Too hard and for not enough. It is frustrating to us both. He DOES feel inadequate and I try to tell him it's not "him" but the job. I try so hard to be content. We are Christians. God always comes through for us. I have to say that I am so tired of relying on the help of other people financially. For once, I would like to be the one giving. We give to our church and we sponsor and child through Compassion and are generous with what we have. I guess every once in a while it gets to me that we can't give more. I'm grateful for our home, our vehicles, food, clothing, our health, my husband, children, EVERYTHING we have. It's not that I want more "stuff". I'm always decluttering. It's the "experiences" we can't provide for our kids. I know...I sound like a spoiled brat. And I guess I am. No, no, Sue, I think you misunderstood--it's not that you're selfish for wanting more *at all.* One woman in the story gave more than she could. She gave generously, & she was happy to make the sacrifice, but it ended up costing the people she loved, in a way. The other woman had a heart that was just as generous, but she maintained boundaries that some might have called selfish, but in the end, those boundaries were a blessing to her loved ones--she had deeper internal resources from which to give as a result of...well, kind-of like protecting herself. It's not really about working vs. not working. It's about not trying to be super-woman. It's about not feeling *guilty* when ends aren't being met. Personally, I can't handle being solely responsible for bills & finances--it's too scary & stressful. Dh can't do it, either, because he's forgetful. So we do it together or forget to do it together, but we stay on the same side (sometimes) instead of me vs him re: why the bills weren't paid on time or me vs him re: why we're not making enough $. Don't get me wrong; I'm not the queen most days. Most of the time, I'm worried about $, & at least once a month I'm looking for a job. More than that, I'm thinking about how I ought to be looking. Then I get angry w/ dh for everythign he's not doing & then I start feeling guilty about the things that he *could* be angry w/ me about. When the inevitable fight happens, he's already missed most of it. When I realize that I can't help the finances right now--not because I can't work, but because right now? I *need* to be home--I try to make my focus smaller. I use tunnel vision on purpose. I look around the house & try to find something that will cheer me up *now.* Sometimes I clean something out. Sometimes I pull out beautifully colored fabric or paper, & I sew or scrapbook. Sometimes I put everything into writing. Publishing an article is a step, for me, toward the kind of independence I *do* want, so I might query someone or post on my blog or something. I'll try to have dinner on the table or the kids in bed early or something to make *that* day a little easier, more pleasant, whatever. And there are days that that doesn't work, & I melt down, & I think this is it--this is my life, this is all I've made of it. One day at a time, I'm dying, & wasting time, breath, air, kids' education. I'm too self-absorbed to get anything right, to do what I should for others, to balance everything I need to do. Then I go to bed, & the next day, things never look as bad, & *knowing* that, I resent going to bed sometimes because...it's not fair that things should look so different from darkness to daylight, & I want to make sure my logic is in control of my thoughts, not the amt of sunshine. I'm such a 2yo when I'm tired. :lol: :grouphug: I'm sorry if my post wasn't helpful. I know you guys need more $, & I know it's about more than just $. I hope you find what you need. Just know that I care so much about you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Wow. What a story. Although I find the story very inspiring, I also feel very guilty as I'm not a natural homemaker. Jenny was able to clean up her mess relatively easily, whereas I don't know where to begin. Not very domestic, and never been a hard worker by nature either. Thank you for sharing! After reading this story, I cleaned up for 30 minutes, which is a miracle, especially by myself, and being pregnant and fatigued! It's not about cleaning up your mess or being a natural (or unnatural) homemaker! It's about...beauty & boundaries. For some women, beauty comes from homemaking. They get their energy & pride & femininity from that. That's good. For others, though, all of those things could come from painting, writing, singing, volunteering, etc. It's not so much about the *what* as it is about taking care of yourself so that you have something to give to others. Really, just taking care of yourself should be reason enough, but we have to justify it. For me, I have more patience w/ my kids, more willingness to go into the kitchen, more energy for cleaning house, when I have time to write, when I have clothes that fit, when my hair is cut more than once a yr. It's easy to put some of those things off when we live in a state of putting out fires, because they're not emergencies. It's like being in the middle of a forest fire & stopping because you lost a boot. The boot is SO much less important than the fire, BUT without it, you won't be able to do your job as well. The guys who equip you gave you those boots & training etc for a reason--you're a better firefighter w/ them. There are exceptions. There are times you should leave the boot behind to save the crying baby in the burning building. The problem is, we start to live LIFE in the forest w/out shoes, & all we see is everything we haven't done, everything that needs doing, & no matter how important it is, it's a forest. We *can't* do it alone. And at this point, we're barefoot & tired, & although we can't justify going home for a shower & a good night's rest while the forest is on fire, it's the best thing for us & the forest, too. Because otherwise, pretty soon, the fire will take us, & the forest will have no one to fight the flames. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted June 13, 2010 Author Share Posted June 13, 2010 Kathleen, your post DID encourage me...not discourage me. I am hard on myself. I HATE that I feel this way or let it get to me as often as it does. We are blessed. Very blessed. I hear you about the music lessons...that is the one thing I really want to provide my kids. Ds12 is so gifted in guitar...has that natural musical "bent" and I so want to cultivate that. Dd13 wants to learn piano and take voice lessons. I can teach her piano up to a point. And voice...up to a point. After that...:confused: Aubrey...I hope you don't think I was discouraged by the article or your posts...I wan't. Again, I just get so ticked at myself sometimes. Ugh. Today, I am doing better. Datenight with dh to talk about the financial picture and hopefully figure out what to do and where to go from here. Taco Bell...here we come. :glare: (No really, dh had the forethought to put some $ aside from the past several paychecks for our anniversary coming up on the 24th so we can do a step up from fast food! :D). See...dh really is a good, hard-working, intelligent guy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiffijo1 Posted August 19, 2010 Share Posted August 19, 2010 Thanks for the link! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
golfcartmama Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 I'm glad you were able to find the link, Aubrey, since I'm just now reading this. And your advice is spot on. Spending time looking for work or other ways to make money (selling on ebay, etc.) can be a huge distraction and keep you from accomplishing your other goals. It is very difficult for me to offer advice because I know everyone's situation is different and there will always be objections due to circumstances I don't know about. Also, I am a Christian so that plays a huge a part in how I deal with my situation. I can really only say how I've approached my own version of "never enough money" and hope there's something here that helps. My dh is a blue collar worker and we live in a high cost of living area. We've never been able to work out a budget on paper that works well. Our housing cost is always much more, percentage-wise, than the household finance books tell us it should be. If we wrote down what dh makes and what we spend in a year on basic necessities, it wouldn't "add up," but somehow we always manage to get from one day to the next and one year to the next. Somehow, through 24 years of marriage and 5 kids, we have always pulled through. I don't know what else to attribute it to but the grace of God. I'm a worrier and I've spent a great deal of time in those 24 years stressing about our finances. I have plotted and planned many ways to make extra money and I think that has had two negative effects. Like Aubrey said, it has kept me from my main focus of being a mom, teacher, and homemaker and it has sent a discouraging message to my husband who is working very, very hard to provide for us. (Dh works two jobs - always has - so I can stay home and be with our children.) My constant whining and stressing about our financial situation sends the message that his contribution is not enough, that he is a failure as a husband and father. How that must break his heart. I've had to work very hard at being content and I'm still not there completely, but at least now I know that being content is a worthy goal and I am striving for it. It is absolutely not easy for me, but I believe it is God's will and so I am trying to submit to it. Right now I have two dead cars in the driveway. Dd17 had a doctor's appt. this morning and her cousin took her. Ds13 and dd11 are at a fishing contest in our community and my neighbor took them. Last night we had a baby shower at our church and a friend from church took us. I really don't like having to ask for rides and not being able to run to the store or the library when I want to, but what choice do I have? In the meantime, I'm getting to know my neighbors and my friends at church and all these folks are having the opportunity to serve. God knows what's best. He's working His plan out and I'm having to just submit. I agree with a pp that it may be best to just turn your attention to making your husband's paycheck work. I really do truly, truly know that is not what you want to hear because I've had people tell me the same thing and I just want to scream that I already am doing that and it just isn't enough. Buuuuttttt, we're still here and we still have a roof over our heads and food on the table. We may not have much of anything else, but we are fine. I think Satan delights in distracting us moms - making us fret and fume over lack of finances. He really loves it when we don't just relax and trust God to work it out. That motivates me all the more to just turn my nose up at him and determine to stop worrying and keep trusting. We are on this earth to bring glory to God. He gets the most glory when we trust Him during the difficult times. It's easy to say "God is good all the time, all the time God is good" when there is plenty of money in the bank - anyone can do that. But when we are confident of that truth when things look bleak and we refuse to waver but choose, instead, to stand firm and trust Him no matter what, He is truly glorified. I encourage you to pray and lay all your concerns before Him. What is it that you need that you cannot afford? Ask Him for it. We poor folks have the greatest ability to see the mighty hand of God working in our lives. What a powerful testimony of God's power and grace and love and mercy it is to our children and the whole world for that matter when we lay our needs before Him in prayer and wait for Him to answer. He is the God who provides. There is nothing too hard for Him. As usual, I've rambled on quite a bit. Sorry. I hope I have encouraged you and not discouraged you. Like I said at the start, I don't know your entire situation, I don't know the details. Advice like mine can be very grating when what you really want is just to have more money - believe me, I know!!! It may be that God does have some work-at-home idea for you. There's nothing wrong with praying about that and asking God to provide it - just don't let that become your main focus. (I volunteered to do proofreading for a homeschool newsletter after reading a plea for help in it. The volunteer coordinator contacted me and got me all set up - it's all online. It was only after I was installed as the new proofreader that I learned I was going to receive a monthly stipend for my effort, so opportunities can come.:)) If it is slow in coming or never comes at all, trust Him to provide another way. I really hope this doesn't all sound trite and unfeeling. Please know that I am intimately acquainted with the stress that comes from always being on the brink of disaster with money. It's just that, for me, it has never helped to focus on increasing the cash flow. Instead, I've found my peace in accepting my situation and making the most of it. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Thank you I needed to hear this today! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in AZ Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 I understand where you're coming from, Sue. Sometimes we just can't cut anymore from the budget or find any new ways to save money. I don't think there's anything wrong with looking for a way to bring in extra money if your dh is supportive. I like the mom's morning out idea. You could do a small preschool-type time with Five in a Row or another curriculum. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 Thanks, Kathleen. Your post is very encouraging. Dh works hard...very hard. Too hard and for not enough. It is frustrating to us both. He DOES feel inadequate and I try to tell him it's not "him" but the job. I try so hard to be content. We are Christians. God always comes through for us. I have to say that I am so tired of relying on the help of other people financially. For once, I would like to be the one giving. We give to our church and we sponsor and child through Compassion and are generous with what we have. I guess every once in a while it gets to me that we can't give more. I'm grateful for our home, our vehicles, food, clothing, our health, my husband, children, EVERYTHING we have. It's not that I want more "stuff". I'm always decluttering. It's the "experiences" we can't provide for our kids. I know...I sound like a spoiled brat. And I guess I am. I could have written this exact post a few weeks ago. We were constantly on the edge, only to have the occaisonal windfall keep us from sinking. Well, as of this next paycheck my husband will have a 42 percent raise!!!! It came out of almost no where, and there will even be backpay from June 1st! I have refused to stress about this, refused to complain, and trusted God. And now things are better. Trust me, things were worse before better, but what a blessing for my husband. Hang in there, God will provide somehow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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