What are your biggest insecurity issues?

[freeindeed]

I'm going to be teaching a Bible Study next month based on Beth Moore's book So Long Insecurity. I posted about it on my blog, but I'd like to get responses from you ladies here at WTM, too. Thanks! Oh, and here's a link to my blog post about my biggest insecurity issues http://freeindeed-redkitchen.blogspot.com/2010/06/letting-go-of-junk.html

 

;)Of course I wouldn't expect you all to come clean if I didn't.

[Crimson Wife]

Worrying about living up to the image in my head of what the "perfect" woman would do. Intellectually, I know that no human is perfect, but I still struggle with perfectionism.

[freeindeed]

I struggle with perfectionism, too. I think that word sums up all of my insecurities.

[simka2]

I'm teaching this book right now. My biggest insecurity is not really covered in the book. My biggest insecurity is...God is not really who He says He is. There it is. Do I have other insecurities? Most definatly, but that the big one :)

[BikeBookBread]

Worrying that I will "screw up my kids" and that they'll be just as perfectionistic as I am because of...

 

 

• yelling
  
• holding them to too high a standard
  
• expecting to much out of them
  
• giving them too much (stuff, attention, etc...)
  

 

 

I think I should do this study...

[Food4Thought]

My biggest insecurity is that I'm not good at navigating friendships. I think people don't like me, or I'm afraid they'll turn on me at any moment. I'm also pretty awkward about when to show people I care about them.

 

I'm also a huge nerdy brain, and as much as I'd like to filter myself down - sometimes people just don't understand me (thus, the friendship insecurity). Often I feel insecure because I think I am too smart. I hope that doesn't come across as arrogant - it's certainly not. I wish I could turn off my brain sometimes.

 

I'm sure I could come up with others, but those are my biggies.

[freeindeed]

:grouphug:

Thank you, ladies. Would you mind if I put your specific insecurity struggles in a list for my Bible Study? Of course I won't use your names, and I'm only teaching this to ladies in my church. I will be blogging about what God shows me throughout the study, but that will only be about my own personal struggles...unless someone specifically asks me to share something about them. I just want other women to know that they're not alone in their insecurity issues. I was both shocked and saddened recently when three friends expressed disbelief when I told them that I struggle with insecurity. It was then that I realized I've been hiding behind a persona of "perfection."

[bnbacademy]

My insecurities:

 

1. friendships - no matter how refreshing and uplifting, I still occasionally wonder ... "do they really like me?" and feel silly for asking myself this.

 

2. my marriage - we still get this love language thing mixed up sometimes. "Just say it, Man!" (like everyday...):001_smile:

 

3. Am I showing my dc how to love God?

[Peela]

My greatest insecurity:

Being able to survive- ok, not survive, but thrive- if something happened to dh or we separated. Being able to make a good living, since I have invested these years in my kids, not a career.

Intellectually, I know I would be ok (more than ok), and I am glad I have done what I have done. But there is a fear there.

[6packofun]

I know it sounds materialistic, but I fear not being able to provide for our kids, necessities and some of the extras. We are living in official poverty right now and I feel sick to my stomach and stressed all the time. Along with this fear is one that my kids will not have good memories of their childhoods--because I couldn't provide them and was stressed out!--and that they will not want to come home to visit after they move out on their own. :( I'm terrified of not having a relationship with my kids after they leave...

[Daisy]

The fear that if people knew the real me, they'd never want to be my friend. This is ridiculous but I still wrestle with it.

[kwickimom]

I am totally insecure about....well, my entire self. I have never felt "good enough" at anything. I have no specific talents, always have been overweight, never the smartest, not popular...etc. Its all silly.

[Twinmom]

Body image tops the list here. Add to that parenting skills, whether or not I am doing "good enough" in all areas of my life, whether my kids will turn out okay, whether I am pleasing God, etc.

 

I think I need that Bible study!! ;)

[Joker]

My biggest insecurity is that I am not doing right by my girls. I hope that I am doing enough and that hs'ing is the right decision, but I doubt myself. My gma was a teacher, my sister is a teacher, my brother is a coach/teacher and my sis-in-law is a teacher. I hear constantly that my dds would be better off in school. There are times I wonder if they speak the truth.

[Crissy]

I worry that people think I am not terribly bright.

I am not confident about the work I do because it isn't the result of a formal education.

I am insecure in a number of social situations because I feel as if I don't belong.

My husband works for our local NFL team. I was invited by one of the player's wives to a pretty significant event tomorrow night. I have been losing sleep over this thing for WEEKS! Until she responded to my RSVP, I was sure her invitation to me was a mistake. :001_huh:

[Peela]

Wow, I just want to give all you ladies a huge :grouphug: and tell you all how amazingly wonderful you are, that you don't need to prove or do anything to be more than worthy and special. That you all matter so much and you should look more at how your KIDS see you and realise how beautiful you really are- because they are far more accurate that your own perceptions of yourself!

We all have this stuff. Seems crazy that we walk around comparing ourselves to others. How can we compare ourselves- we are all so unique!

Blessings on you all, and lots of :grouphug:

[BMW]

I have to have affirmation. I need, really need, to hear "You are great! I like you!" And sometimes I take it to mean, "I don't like you" if I don't hear it enough or if I hear some other displeasure and that is how my psyche translates it. I wish it were not so... but I am wired this way, I guess. I feel insecure if I don't feel liked and have affirmation.

[SquirrellyMama]

I have to have affirmation. I need, really need, to hear "You are great! I like you!" And sometimes I take it to mean, "I don't like you" if I don't hear it enough or if I hear some other displeasure and that is how my psyche translates it. I wish it were not so... but I am wired this way, I guess. I feel insecure if I don't feel liked and have affirmation.

 

I have the same problem. I really need to hear that I'm doing well which leads into my biggest insecurity which is failure. I am so afraid to fail. I'm afraid that people will laugh at me or think I'm an idiot.

[Julie in CA]

Definitely body image issues. Overweight, and in fear of the sin that I know gluttony to be. It's also a really really "visible" weakness, and I begin to think that I can't afford to be less than great in every other way or people will realize that I'm totally and completely worthless. Either be pretty {read:thin}, and/or smart, but not both fat and stupid at the same time. For this reason, I don't allow myself to make mistakes. I've come to realize that I look at it this way:

There are no mistakes, only times I should have tried *way harder* (regardless of how hard I've tried in the first place!).

[fairfarmhand]

I can't rank these in order of importance since they shift around in my thinking at various times:

 

1. body image stuff. Always wanting to be prettier/thinner etc.

2. friends...I wonder if people REALLY like me or they are just tolerating me;

3. intelligence...I was valedictorian of my high school class but never went to college. There are days that I feel like the biggest idiot in the world. I forget to pay bills, bounce checks, lose things and feel SO dumb.

4. I wonder if I have what it takes to be anything but a wife and mother. (not that there is anything wrong with those roles, but I know my role as a mother is not forever)

[rookie]

thighs & buttocks. (all of the insecurities posted by PPs) but really thighs & buttocks!

[fairfarmhand]

I can relate to almost all of these posts. I wonder if all women think these things of if I am just nuts. I envy those women who seem like they have it all together and never have self doubts.

[Julie in CA]

I can relate to almost all of these posts. I wonder if all women think these things of if I am just nuts. I envy those women who seem like they have it all together and never have self doubts.

I have been told repeatedly that I am one of those women who seem like they have it all together. Still, if you read my post about my insecurities, they are HUGE! I think most or all women must think the things we're thinkin', even the ones who look like they have it all together. Maybe even *especially* the women who appear to have it all together, because they're probably that way through trying to compensate for their insecurities.

[freeindeed]

:grouphug:

I have tears in my eyes reading these posts. My prayer is that God will speak truth into our hearts and that we will embrace it and BELIEVE it. I will start teaching the Bible study based on Beth Moore's So Long Insecurity on Sunday, July 25. As I stated in an earlier post, I'll be blogging about it as we go. If any of you ladies would like to buy the book and do the Bible study along with me and my IRL ladies, I'd love to have you. You can just respond to this post, and my blog address is in my signature. It sounds like we as women need a healthy dose of reality through the eyes of our Savior. Oh, you can buy the book at the following links:

http://www.amazon.com/So-Long-Insecurity-Youve-Friend/dp/1414334729/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276377432&sr=1-1

 

http://www.christianbook.com/so-long-insecurity/beth-moore/9781414334721/pd/334721?item_code=WW&netp_id=649155&event=ESRCN&view=details

[KidsHappen]

That my children have a hard time dealing with my mental issues and that it will get even harder for them as I get older and more senile because there's not really any thing I can do about that. :001_smile:

[jld]

First of all, big hugs to everyone (as one poster already said) and a reminder (also already said, lol) that we all have insecurities. Nobody is perfect, whatever that is defined to be.

 

Of all my insecurities, lack of money may be the greatest. I certainly see living here in India how limiting a lack of money is. Arranged marriages are based on money. Nothing else seems to matter, including the woman's feelings or needs.

 

I'm sorry to sound, or rather be, so materialistic, but that's how it is, I guess. It's not how I want to be, but it just seems like the need for money is absolutely part of the modern global economy.

[fairfarmhand]

I have been told repeatedly that I am one of those women who seem like they have it all together. Still, if you read my post about my insecurities, they are HUGE! I think most or all women must think the things we're thinkin', even the ones who look like they have it all together. Maybe even *especially* the women who appear to have it all together, because they're probably that way through trying to compensate for their insecurities.

 

 

hmmm...I wonder how many others think that of me?

[MeganW]

I envy those women who seem like they have it all together and never have self doubts.

 

People who casually know me in real life would say I am one of those who appears to have it all together. It's SUCH an act!! :) I learned early in motherhood that people always assume triplets are fertility babies (mine aren't), and that they can't possibly be well-cared for (especially with another baby just a little younger). I heard a LOT of nasty comments early on. Especially anytime we went out and the kids didn't look perfect. "That's what you get for messing with God / nature!" "I'd shoot myself if I were you!" "Oh, with that many I bet their behavior is out of control!" "Oh, those poor kids - can't possibly get enough attention / adult interaction." And so on.

 

So it has become second nature for me to make sure that my kids always LOOK like the best-cared-for of any kids anywhere we go. Hair is always sporting a bow and perfectly curled. Clothing is cute, neat, ironed, matching. No tshirts or sweatpants in our house! Kids are ALWAYS prepared - for example, our VBS theme this year is the solar system, and I have been teaching my kids about the solar system for a month. And I know it's absurd. They are FIVE years old. Nobody expects them to be able to name all the planets and define all the space terminology. And yet I feel like I have to do it to prove something to the naysayers. And I do that with everything - for choir practice, I'm searching for song lyrics on the internet to practice with them. For gymnastics, I'm trying to casually sit on the sidelines writing down the order of the routine to review with them at home. Did I mention they are FIVE??? Like anybody expects them to remember the routines and every word of the songs!

 

I also make sure that *I* look at all times like I have the kids' behavior under control, and I am over-the-moon happy at every moment! Don't get me wrong, I love my kids as much as every good mom does, but sometimes they irritate me. No one who sees me in public ever knows it! They see calm, happy, in-control, lovingly-disciplining Mommy even when the kids' behavior isn't perfect. And my kids are the best behaved ever because it REALLY upsets me when they act out in public. We talk about it at length afterwards anytime anyone misbehaves in public.

 

It's so absurd, and I know it. And I can't seem to help it. I am so afraid of being the object of criticism from others. It's ridiculous.

 

Especially when you consider the cost. We have practicing all these other things, and for the last month haven't gotten around to phonics or math or handwriting or fine motor skills (my kids have some delays and NEED to work on this!)! My car looks perfect because others see it. My house is trashed. To go out my children's clothing always look perfect, and their PJs are stained and in SHREDS. I hate letting them go outside to play in the backyard because they are going to get their shoes dirty and I will find myself obsessively cleaning them with a toothbrush and bleach. (They all wear orthotics so their shoes are crazy expensive so we don't have lots of different pairs.)

 

It is not putting on airs, but I really don't know how to explain the difference. It's fear of being judged negatively. And honestly, what's really stupid is that when I see other kids who look less than perfect or are being a little wild, I am almost jealous. "That's a confident mom and a kid enjoying life", I think to myself. And I wish I could follow in their lead. And yet the next day finds me sticking my son under the faucet & blow-drying his hair to make it look perfect, so we can go to the pool, where he will get it wet in approximately the first 10 seconds we are there!

Edited June 13, 2010 by MeganW

[texasmama]

Body image is my worst insecurity. I am, otherwise, a fairly secure and confident person. Sadly, I am a fairly attractive, just slightly overweight woman...but I focus on all of my perceived physical faults. I deal with this better now that I am 43 than I did at 23, but it is still very much present and on my mind. I can have self-critical thoughts like, "Why would my husband want to be intimate with me?" and such. I recognize how sad this is, as my husband always gives me very positive feedback. He cannot compete with the voices in my head.

[freeindeed]

I can have self-critical thoughts like, "Why would my husband want to be intimate with me?" and such. I recognize how sad this is, as my husband always gives me very positive feedback. He cannot compete with the voices in my head.

 

I struggle with this exact same thing, too. I am praying that God will use this Bible study to free me and countless other women from those negative voices that tear us down constantly. I'm going to post some Bible verses on my blog that I hope will encourage each of us today to see ourselves as God sees us.:grouphug:

[texasmama]

I struggle with this exact same thing, too. I am praying that God will use this Bible study to free me and countless other women from those negative voices that tear us down constantly. I'm going to post some Bible verses on my blog that I hope will encourage each of us today to see ourselves as God sees us.:grouphug:

 

Thank you. :grouphug: I will check out your blog. This thread has been very eye opening to me, and I appreciate the thoughts that all the ladies have shared.:grouphug: