New How long will you hs? comeback

[2_girls_mommy]

Anyone ever countered the "how long are you going to hs?" with "I haven't decided. How long are you going to public school?" I thought it might get a funny reaction, and put the asker on the defensive instead of me for once. LOL

 

Of course I didn't come up with this until this morning. I was posed the actual question (again) last night by a well meaning church friend. He had been having trouble w/helping his dd w/her Algebra hmwk. So he asked if I was just going to do it until my kids got "ahead" of me. I guess because he couldn't/wouldn't do it, then I can't/shouldn't. That was the impression I got. Honestly, he was not trying to be annoying (I am giving the benefit of the doubt here.) He was actually over giving my youngest a bike that his dd had outgrown. But I didn't bring up hsing. He did. So obviously he was thinking about it.

 

I think I am going to come back w/that next time. Hee Hee.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I just tell them "as long as it is working". If they were worried about my kids getting "ahead of me" then I tell them that ds is already ahead of me. It hasn't been a problem.

[Karenciavo]

I think you're right about his not trying to be annoying, most people I've come across who question my abilities aren't trying to be annoying or rude. People just don't know, they think education is this hard thing that couldn't possibly be accomplished by anyone other than a professional. They also have no idea of the resources available to homeschoolers.

 

I'd like to hear some responses to your retort. I'm sure most would say, "Until they graduate high school of course," so you'll need some follow-ups about socialization and such. :001_smile:

[m0mmaBuck]

Hmm.. If I knew I was a "lifer" for HS'ing, I would probably say something like "until they are no longer at home."

[2_girls_mommy]

That is basically what I came back with. I said something about how co-ops offer accredited maths and sciences, etc if we need them. I also said of course that I get a refresher in math everyday, since I do the lessons everyday. He agreed that would be different than his situation where he hasn't touched some of it since college. Then we changed the subject to college math stories. But I know that he is disapproving in general, and not really interested in my responses. He likes to talk. I don't need to convince him, and don't plan to. I just thought with *him* at the time it would have been funny:) It probably won't even come up where it would be appropriate. I always think of the right thing to say too late. Probably a good thing not to be too funny. It might come off wrong anyway.

[fhjmom]

My standard come-back is "Until God tells me to do something different." They can't really argue with God, now can they? LOL! (Although I do have two different aunts that think they *are* god and have tried.)

 

Oh, and I am not worried about my DC getting ahead of me until they get to upper level college classes. :) And I am a 'professional' (I used to teach high school science, health and P.E.) although I in no way think that makes me a better homeschooler than many others I know without teaching degrees. It just tends to hold water against some of the 'concerns' of non-hs-ers.:tongue_smilie:

[Starr]

I always tell those questioners that I'll send them next door where the science professor lives.

[2_girls_mommy]

See, I am not as educated as this man. He is a lawyer. I am not. I have never told him how far I went in college, but he does know that I am "just" a SAHM for as long as he has known me. I didn't know him before when I had a promising career. That is such a different life from what I choose now. I don't talk about it, because it is not important to me now. I think that is part of it. I feel like he feels I am not smart enough. This is one I don't run into often. Most people know that hsers do better in school and are only concerned w/the socialization argument. I don't even bother with that one.

 

I think this conversation bothered me, because it gets down to the self doubts I have about high school anyway. I know many have done it, and that I am smart enough and focused enough to do it if I want to. I also know it will be a lot of work and I am a little worried about that already.

 

But it does annoy me that he brought it up. And it wasn't smooth either. He actually started with, "So you hs, right?" It was so stupid because he knows we do. I attend Sun. school class with him and his wife every Sunday. His wife and he alternate teaching dd's class.

[Guest janainaz]

Anyone ever countered the "how long are you going to hs?" with "I haven't decided. How long are you going to public school?" I thought it might get a funny reaction, and put the asker on the defensive instead of me for once. LOL

 

That's really funny! I'm going to use that.:D

[Kathleen in VA]

I heard someone reply to a personal question in a movie once with, "I'm sure it's none of your business." (spoken in a very calm, matter-of-fact kind of way) When I heard it I thought, "Wow! That's pretty straightforward and kind of 'in your face,' but then again, it's so true." I've wanted to use that line on many occasions but haven't summoned the courage. Still, I don't see it as rude, especially if said in a calm manner. It just puts the offending questioner in their place.

 

The fact that this man introduced the subject by asking a question he already knew the answer to leads me to believe he was trying to sidle in the back door with some unsolicited advice. He's trying to tell you that you are not qualified to teach subjects you are not an expert on and he's using his own lack of skills as an excuse (quite the lawyer tactic!). The thing is, he is questioning your private decisions and it really is none of his business. You would be perfectly within your rights and manners to tell him that.

[kalanamak]

I just tell them "as long as it is working". If they were worried about my kids getting "ahead of me" then I tell them that ds is already ahead of me. It hasn't been a problem.

 

As long as it is working, is what I say, with sincerity. As for "ahead of me", if anyone dared, I think I'd counter them with a line like:

 

I am not so fundamentally wedded to homeschooling, nor so solipsistic as to think our cultural environment is without ramifications; that said, a general freedom of options, with each individual accepting the risks and benefits of any given choice, is what America is all about, don't you agree?

 

As my old auto mechanics teacher used to say: if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle 'em with b*lls*it.

[Kathleen in VA]

I am not so fundamentally wedded to homeschooling, nor so solipsistic as to think our cultural environment is without ramifications; that said, a general freedom of options, with each individual accepting the risks and benefits of any given choice, is what America is all about, don't you agree?

 

:lol:This works, too!!

[Jean in Newcastle]

I wanted to give my expanded answer to the "what if they surpass you" question. It's fresh in my mind because I just gave it to someone last night! The only reason I gave the expanded answer was because this is was a long-term friend who really wanted to know and was not trying to "catch me out".

 

I explain that while my ds is ahead of me in math, it has not been a problem for us. I get the advice of someone who is very good in math and science (my dh) for choosing our curriculum. And we've been pleased at how a good textbook can really teach the material without a separate teacher.

 

When ds does have a question, it is often semantic and not mathematical at all. Those questions I can answer with no problem. We've had 4 times in the past year where he had mathematical questions that we answered through Google. There are some wonderful sites out there that give detailed explanations and even visual animations to help us out. We've had two times when Google was not able to help us. Those times we used the service of a tutor - Daddy (who is very math proficient) when he came home.

 

I then explain that we are blessed with many choices - we can of course enroll our child in a ps math program (either just for that class or in all the classes). We can also hire a tutor, use an online program, use a DVD, community college classes etc.

 

I see these kinds of questions on the line of me genuinely asking another friend about their job search or a sport etc. They are often trying to understand things so that they can put things in context in their own mind.

[Karenciavo]

You need to stop thinking that simply because someone is a lawyer they are more educated or smarter than you are. He may be, but being a lawyer does not an educated person make. How far you went in college is irrelevant as well if you are going to argue about your ability to homeschool in high school. I will grant you that if you're not focused enough your children may be better off in school. So focus :lol:

 

 

See, I am not as educated as this man. He is a lawyer. I am not. I have never told him how far I went in college, but he does know that I am "just" a SAHM for as long as he has known me. I didn't know him before when I had a promising career. That is such a different life from what I choose now. I don't talk about it, because it is not important to me now. I think that is part of it. I feel like he feels I am not smart enough. This is one I don't run into often. Most people know that hsers do better in school and are only concerned w/the socialization argument. I don't even bother with that one.

 

I think this conversation bothered me, because it gets down to the self doubts I have about high school anyway. I know many have done it, and that I am smart enough and focused enough to do it if I want to. I also know it will be a lot of work and I am a little worried about that already.

[2_girls_mommy]

Well, I don't really think he is smarter than I am. But the fact of the matter is that he did get further in math and sciences than I did. So he is more educated in those subjects- the ones that I worry about later on. I am not overly concerned that he went to law school. I just brought it up, because compared to my schooling he did go further. Law is not my passion. I chose something else.

 

I do worry (who doesn't?) about the overwhelming choices I will be making in the next few years about how to get the best education for high school and to get scholarships for my children. But since I haven't settled on exactly how that will get done, it is a sensitive issue for me. I know that I will do it one step at a time, and that we are only in the early stages right now.

 

sigh. I hate dealing with these pointed questions. Dh doesn't get how draining it can be. He didn't the conversation was rude. It really wasn't that bad all in all. He did rub me the wrong way. He is generally a nice person. It is his personality to overpower conversations at times. The kids love him because he is so high energy. If I needed an attorney, he would probably be just the one I would choose :) Just needed to vent to others who might get it.

[2_girls_mommy]

I like the dazzling statement. I would have to rehearse it to get it right and with a straight face! I should come up with one similar, but that is more my own!

[lllll]

..

[Desert Rat]

As long as it continues to work for our family. That's my standard response. If it's a serious question from a friend, I explain that we plan to persue some magnet schools in our area for high school because the have certification programs that may help my boys make a living while in school or as a back up (high schools in our area offer cosmotology, electrical, HVAC, computer tech, etc.). If they choose not to go to one of these specialty schools, I'm more than happy to home school until college/trade school.

[abbeyej]

Unless someone is *truly* trying to be offensive, that's a response I would avoid. It's a great way to start a snit, if that's your goal, but I agree with KarenCiavo that *most* people who ask questions like this aren't *trying* to be rude. Sometimes they're curious if you'll be back at their neighborhood school in a year or two. Sometimes they really do want to know how people handle teaching subjects that are challenging. Sometimes they want to know what goes into the decision-making process of home schooling. Sometimes they're just trying to make conversation.

 

But only rarely do they mean to be insulting.

 

I had a family doctor who once *grilled* me on all aspects of home schooling -- she extended my appt way longer than it needed to be, asking me question after question. It actually got rather uncomfortable, but I just kept trying to give fair, honest answers to her questions. Imagine my surprise when she finally revealed that the reason she was asking was because she was considering pulling her own 10yo out of school and she was *desperate* to find someone who could help her picture what home schooling would really look like and what local resources existed, etc...

 

That's not the only time something like that has happened. Sometimes the people who ask the most (and the most prying) questions really are genuinely curious.

 

I find the best thing isn't to worry about putting *them* on the defensive, but to work on not *being* defensive myself. I'm totally comfortable with our home schooling. I don't need them to approve of my choices. But I don't need to question anyone else's either.

 

My own typical answer to the question is, "I don't foresee stopping any time soon. But certainly circumstances change, so I won't say 'never'."

[Jan in SC]

Maybe he wanted to know if you had a math tutor! :001_smile:

 

I wouldn't assume he had more math and science then you just because he's a lawyer. My dh is a lawyer and I don't like him helping our elementary age boys with math. That is my department! (They aren't required to have much math!)

[Photo Ninja]

My answer has always depended on the questioners attitude and motive (if I know it). Some people are truly seeking info, so I give a complete answer. Others are using the question, "How long are you going to homeschool?" as a veiled criticism. To them I will give a less informative answer. I have used, "Until we are done" several times, or "Until there is a better option for my child" other times, and "Why do you ask?" in other situations. That last answer tends to throw people off guard because they have to search their motives. One person told me that hsers should be forced to put their dc into the public schools if they don't test high on standardized tests. I told her I would consider that option as long as public schools forced parents to hs their dc if they don't test high on the same standardized test. She had no answer to that one. She had been complaining that her dc were not learning and it was the teacher's fault, etc. so my comment made her change the subject.

[Murphy101]

At least 18 more years.;)

[Barb_]

I use a combination of, "We re-evaluate our choices each year to make sure they are working for each child," and then, "Why do you ask?" The question catches them off guard and usually reveals their underlying motive for asking. Only once or twice have I gotten the feeling I was being judged. Usually people are simply curious as to how the whole thing would work. Other times, as Abbey mentioned, people are toying with the idea of homeschooling themselves. "Why do you ask?" allows me to tailor my response to the individual without revealing too much personal information or taking unnecessary offense.

 

I see myself and my children as homeschooling ambassadors to a certain extent. I know we've influenced other families to take the plunge themselves over the years just from our sheer normalcy and willingness to answer (reasonable) questions. People often think homeschoolers must belong to a completely foreign subculture, and when they meet a family who in all other ways seems just like theirs, they are understandably curious as to how we could thrive in such a different environment.

 

Barb

[Oney Jones]

I am not so fundamentally wedded to homeschooling, nor so solipsistic as to think our cultural environment is without ramifications; that said, a general freedom of options, with each individual accepting the risks and benefits of any given choice, is what America is all about, don't you agree?

 

 

 

I better start practicing this one. No way could I throw that out there without a cheat sheet!

 

 

Actually, I have looked at my watch and said, "Oh, we have about an hour's worth of work yet today."

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

Anyone ever countered the "how long are you going to hs?" with "I haven't decided. How long are you going to public school?"Of course I didn't come up with this until this morning. I was posed the actual question (again) last night by a well meaning church friend. He had been having trouble w/helping his dd w/her Algebra hmwk. So he asked if I was just going to do it until my kids got "ahead" of me. I guess because he couldn't/wouldn't do it, then I can't/shouldn't.

 

I usually tell them that I double majored in Chemistry and Math. That in addition I took advanced Calculus-based Physics. I am pretty sure I can handle the High School years just fine. They never know what to say to that.:tongue_smilie:

[2_girls_mommy]

Ooh, I like, "Why do you ask?" That is the best response I have heard yet. I *know* why he asked. He asked because he was dealing w/his dd's algebra, and he made it clear that he felt one forgets after not having done it for a long time. His motives are probably that he thinks it is in the best interest of my children and any children to not be taught in a hs setting. The fact that he has questioned me on my motives in the past makes me aware of this. But, you never know. The "why do you ask?" puts the ball back in his court w/out being offensive or defensive. I like it. Thank You. I was mildly joking when I started this. But I will really remember that. So simple.

[2_girls_mommy]

I usually tell them that I double majored in Chemistry and Math. That in addition I took advanced Calculus-based Physics. I am pretty sure I can handle the High School years just fine. They never know what to say to that

 

 

Yes, but I didn't. So I can't use that :tongue_smilie:

[Barb_]

He asked because he was dealing w/his dd's algebra, and he made it clear that he felt one forgets after not having done it for a long time. His motives are probably that he thinks it is in the best interest of my children and any children to not be taught in a hs setting.

 

This is something parents of schooled children have a hard time understanding. Helping with homework is one thing, teaching from the ground up is something entirely different. With homeschooling, you choose the curriculum that matches your style and the style of your children. You refresh your memory of the foundational material each year and incrementally reteach yourself along with your children and attain a more profound grasp of the underlying concepts than you ever got as a child. That potentially makes you a better teacher than many certified teachers who are not experts in the field they teach. It definitely puts you ahead of most parents of traditionally schooled children who didn't choose the curriculum, who don't remember the foundational material, much less the advanced stuff, and who aren't intimately familiar with the workings of their child's brain and learning style. He hasn't done it in a long time. You do it every day. Can't compare.

 

Barb

[LibraryLover]

I usually say, "As long as it works as well as it's working. We don't have to make long-term plans. We can take it year by year, child by child". People seem to understand that. I feel no need to explain any of our life- goals to anyone. lol Maybe my mother, but she is our biggest fan.

[2_girls_mommy]

Thank you all for taking the time to chat with me on this today! It is so true that I will be working with dd daily, so my skills stay fresh. There will be a time if everything goes as planned that she will get beyond me in maths and sciences while still in high school. But I can learn and teach along with her, or outsource when necessary. I know this. Thank you all.

 

When I think about it, I think he even conceded a couple of times, and that I might have made a small impression on him before I changed the subject. This has been hard for me, since nobody in our church class or entire small church homeschools. I have other avenues of support, and I love our congregation. It was one of those places that just felt right when we first started. I truly feel God led us there. So I deal.

 

Thanks again all.

[elegantlion]

I can honestly say we are halfway done. Ds just finished sixth grade, now we have six more to go. So I would say we're halfway done, smile, and let them ponder that statement for a while.

[tiredbuthappy]

"how long are you going to hs?"

 

 

 

It's funny, I get this a lot too. In fact, my mom just asked me this AGAIN last week when I was up visiting her. I think she must think my mind has changed since the last time she asked me! I just say "I have no plans to stop at this point". It does annoy me though! I love your response!