s/o Is it possible to live simply?

[MariannNOVA]

So, if one does make changes that do indeed simplify their life (fewer activities, etc), and if you are sitting in the yard, watching the kids play (or something similar), do you feel as if you are doing NOTHING? OR, is it okay in your mind to sit and watch the kids play?

 

There are days when I feel like I am 'on call' - unable to do anything that perhaps I want to do b/c I am watching everyone else do what they are doing.

I'm not complaining - I am usually at some level quite thankful that I am blessed with the time to just watch and not 'do.'

 

BUT, at another level, someplace, there might be a little, teeny, nagging, voice telling me that I 'should' be DOING something.

 

Anyone else?

 

One of the reasons I am bringing this up is because DH considers a day when the kids are playing for hours on the trampoline and the swings in the yard, AND HE HAS SAT OUT THERE WATCHING THEM, as a day when 'nothing' was done by him. I say that it is okay to sit and just 'be' but he has difficulty with sitting and doing what he considers to be 'nothing.'

Edited April 5, 2010 by MariannNOVA
clarifying 'nothing'

[Carol in Cal.]

The compromise that works for me is to have something to accomplish in any vicinity where I'm 'just watching'. If I have a garden, I can putter around in it. If I have housework or reading or knitting, I can do that whiile still being 'present' with the children. That works for me!

[swellmomma]

I am the type fo person that can not just sit and watch. I have to be *doing* something. So while they are playing etc, I tend to be out there watching with an open book, or lesson planning, or catalogue "shopping" or working on my budget etc. I am eager for the days of fewer things to do when we move as far as outside activities, but I do not see merely sitting and watching the kids play either, even now with an injured foot/ankle when they are out playing I am on the steps doing paper work etc I can not just sit and watch and relax.

[Murphy101]

A day like that? Maybe even as much as A week like that?

 

Sure it's fine to do nothing. It's called relaxing. Extended period of time is called a vacation or break. They are good things.

 

Daily? No way. I can't stand being that idle. I can't stand seeing other people that idle. It makes me jittery.

 

The closest I can get is reading a book or having a conversation with someone.

[chadzwife]

Simple life usually means HARD work, just simpler. Not easier lol. Menial/hard labor. Simply being home with baby till maternity leave is up. No goals, just being. Ever done it? It's hard stinkin' work :) But, ya gotta admit, it's simple. Change a dipe, stick a boob in his mouth and play peekaboo with the spitty-cloth. Not high level brainpower. And the really hard stuff, is done for u---walking and talking are not dependent on parents' lesson plans or affordable, yet exciting curr.

The big bucks go to the brainiac or plumber* both of whom is on call 25/8. [*my dad says plumbing is the one thing he won't do and will gladly pay someone else to figure out lol]

anyway, just a thot--or 3

i'd take more intricate work over menial/repetitive tasks generally--unless we're talking children. :)

cuz i just make that real intricate anyway---25yrs i been studying pedagogy/rearing and i aint about to let up now!

[rafiki]

.

[delaney]

I can't just do nothing. I always have to be doing something, or 2 things. I wish I could relax more. I will often read standing at the stove cooking or while sitting in the car waiting for a kid to be done doing an activity. Just idle sitting is very hard for me. Too many things calling my name to get done.

[AnotherE]

I take time to just sit every day. I welcome idleness- it is my opportunity to be creative in my mind, process issues I've been thinking about, and just be present in the moments of my life.

 

I think it would be ideal to sit and watch your children play in the yard and just be 100% present in that moment of their life without distraction. It is a place in time that will never repeat itself again.

 

For the record, I do try to live simply. I focus my time and energy (for the most part) on things that are important to me (my family, friends, home, faith) and give meaning to my life. Once you get rid of all of the busy work that didn't positively impact life and family, it frees up time to just live in the moment.

[I talk to the trees]

Watching kids *is* doing something. But if it would make you feel better (or give you something to tell the dh,) perhaps you could write in a journal, listen to an informative podcast, knit, quilt, garden, or read while watching them. Whatever you decide to do, don't feel guilty about not getting something "constructive" done.

[Melinda in VT]

For me, the ideal day involves some work, some learning, and some time simply being present. I feel off-kilter if either of those elements are missing.

[LibraryLover]

If you have small children whose needs are best met by being home most of the time you do that.

 

If you have children, perhaps a bit older, who have needs that are greater than sitting in the yard or at the kitchen table, then you help meet those needs.

 

Little children mostly love playing in the rocks and mud of the back yard. They really don't need a whle lot more than household living. Some soup-making, read alouds, some bread baking, collecting eggs from a couple of hens, sticks and stones and glue at home, a lovely little playgroup you all enjoy. If you are at that point, do all of that. Enjoy it. Enjoy the children. Take the time, revel in it, if that is what makes your family whole and happy.

 

Other times, perhaps when children are older, a family needs to seek out a larger world, and parents have to help provide that. Drive to things...or bike or walk to them if you are able. Perhaps you still find yourself wanting to stay home most of the time, but the child has fallen in love with art, and needs to travel to an art instructor for portfolio prep or advanced technique, or another is a musician, and they have rehersals, or one is getting ready for college, and your family is outsourcing language tutoring for the AP Latin exam. When/if that time comes, parents would be remiss in not helping their children do what is special and important to them as they begin to look to a world bigger than their family/backyard.

 

Hanging out at home is good, but sometimes doing in the community, being with others, is also good. I can't wait to get my kayak in the water, start back at farmers markets, fi. I have had just about all of the intropective winter knitting, and soup- making I can take. :)

 

To every thing there is a season.

Edited April 4, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Stacia]

I take time to just sit every day. I welcome idleness- it is my opportunity to be creative in my mind, process issues I've been thinking about, and just be present in the moments of my life.

 

I think it would be ideal to sit and watch your children play in the yard and just be 100% present in that moment of their life without distraction. It is a place in time that will never repeat itself again.

 

:iagree: Idleness (or 'doing nothing' is essential to the body & soul, imo). I love to take time every day to watch the birds, squirrels, and other animals outside. I just sit, watch, & listen. Lovely.

 

A nice article about the importance of rest/doing nothing...

The Lost Practice of Resting One Day a Week

[LibraryLover]

Yes. Chop wood, carry water. See the importance in the every- day doings.

 

I spent quite a while watching my chickens scratch today. Therapy, it is.

[Tree House Academy]

Well, I am pretty sure that it is absolutely FINE as long as it is not considered "working" by the person doing the sitting. I know what you mean, though. When I had littles, I did a lot of just watching them play and making sure no one got hurt, etc. Now that they are older, I do a lot more listening and a lot less watching.

 

Sometimes I have to sit with them in the school room or they are going to start fighting/mouthing/goofing off. When that happens, I feel like i can't get anything else done (i.e. laundry) because I can't go downstairs long enough to put in a load before they are at it again. I tell them I have two 2 year olds and they are going to have to hold my hand and go downstairs with me so I can get some work done. It makes them mad...but heck, it makes me mad too!

[Tree House Academy]

I spent quite a while watching my chickens scratch today. Therapy, it is.

 

I absolutely ADORE watching my chickens peck and scratch. I love to see my rooster strutting through the yard and the hens following him around. I even like to watch the little dance he does when he is about ready to, er, fertilize an egg. :tongue_smilie: It is cathartic in the best way!

[Another Lynn]

So, if one does make changes that do indeed simplify their life (fewer activities, etc), and if you are sitting in the yard, watching the kids play (or something similar), do you feel as if you are doing NOTHING? OR, is it okay in your mind to sit and watch the kids play?

 

There are days when I feel like I am 'on call' - unable to do anything that perhaps I want to do b/c I am watching everyone else do what they are doing.

I'm not complaining - I am usually at some level quite thankful that I am blessed with the time to just watch and not 'do.'

 

BUT, at another level, someplace, there might be a little, teeny, nagging, voice telling me that I 'should' be DOING something.

 

Anyone else?

 

One of the reasons I am bringing this up is because DH considers a day when the kids are playing for hours on the trampoline and the swings in the yard, as a day when 'nothing' was done. I say that it is okay to sit and just 'be' but he has difficulty with sitting and doing what he considers to be 'nothing.'

 

Whew! When I first read the title, I thought you were going to give up the MCT hummer! Different kind of simplifying!

 

Your ponderings on the benefit of being vs. doing reminded me of hearing SWB talk about the importance of reading in our attempt to classically educate ourselves. Paraphrasing badly, she talked about the difficulty in our culture of setting aside time to read/study, etc. instead of produce results with our "to-do" list.

 

Anyway, I think hanging out with kids builds the relationship and that's an important part of being a Mom and a homeschooler. I think it's hard for us to do this, especially depending on how long ago we may have been in the workforce. We need "de-working" just like the kids need "de-schooling." :D

 

(P.S. you could always bring your laptop outside and research next year's curricula - that would be doing something, right?) :D

[BikeBookBread]

We are DEFINITELY down-sizers, both stuff and activities. We turned down an invite to a friend's home for Easter dinner today, simply because we wanted to be home. Not anti-social, just wanted Easter to be church and then home.

 

Back to your original question -- I believe that "doing nothing" really IS doing something. I know I'm investing important time with my children when I sit on the front porch and watch them play....they know I care, and feel loved. They ask me to come out and watch them. They love it! I usually knit or crochet, read a book, look at a cookbook, etc.... though while I'm out there.

[MariannNOVA]

The compromise that works for me is to have something to accomplish in any vicinity where I'm 'just watching'. If I have a garden, I can putter around in it. If I have housework or reading or knitting, I can do that whiile still being 'present' with the children. That works for me!

 

Yes, I agree. I have catalogs and books at my different 'way stations.' Some days I do need to sit and do 'nothing'....others, I have to sit and do 'something.' :001_smile:

 

I am the type fo person that can not just sit and watch. I have to be *doing* something. So while they are playing etc, I tend to be out there watching with an open book, or lesson planning, or catalogue "shopping" or working on my budget etc. I am eager for the days of fewer things to do when we move as far as outside activities, but I do not see merely sitting and watching the kids play either, even now with an injured foot/ankle when they are out playing I am on the steps doing paper work etc I can not just sit and watch and relax.

 

When my leg was in a cast when I broke my ankle, it was a real learning experience for me. It occured to me while reading your post, that it was when I was 'confined' that I discovered the WTM board (three yrs ago) and began researching homeschooling.

 

Daily? No way. I can't stand being that idle. I can't stand seeing other people that idle. It makes me jittery.

 

The closest I can get is reading a book or having a conversation with someone.

 

I go through cycles, I think; reading a book definitely. Talking to someone? Depends on who it is - it exhausts me to talk to some people.

 

anyway, just a thot--or 3

i'd take more intricate work over menial/repetitive tasks generally--unless we're talking children.

cuz i just make that real intricate anyway---25yrs i been studying pedagogy/rearing and i aint about to let up now!

 

Yes, my oldest is 31, my youngest are 9.5 - I hear you!:)

 

I have a tote bag I keep supplied with books, catalogs, things I can work on as well as a slim case clipboard for writing while I watch the kids play outside. Or if the neighborhood is quiet, I can cook and see them through a huge double window and double patio door while cooking, and of course hear them, the dog would also alert me to anything.

 

If dh is home, we will sit and chat while watching the kids for awhile and then join in with a game of jarts, family walk, or something. The kids join in what we are doing around the house too. Yesterday they helped wash the cars, they've helped us do the mulch this season, it's good for them and keeps us all together.

 

I do this - I have a bag that has my current catalogs, my note book with curric notes, etc - yes, this is a good plan. I do love it when they are just in the yard playing, and I can be getting dinner ready and watch them out the window.

 

I can't just do nothing. I always have to be doing something, or 2 things. I wish I could relax more. I will often read standing at the stove cooking or while sitting in the car waiting for a kid to be done doing an activity. Just idle sitting is very hard for me. Too many things calling my name to get done.

 

I guess that's why no one ever talks to me at sports practices - I am always doing something else - the thought of sitting for an hour and making idle conversation is painful to me.

 

 

I take time to just sit every day. I welcome idleness- it is my opportunity to be creative in my mind, process issues I've been thinking about, and just be present in the moments of my life.

 

I think it would be ideal to sit and watch your children play in the yard and just be 100% present in that moment of their life without distraction. It is a place in time that will never repeat itself again.

 

EXCELLENT POINT! I DO make an effort to be 100% present in these moments of my childrens lives as I am so aware of how amazing it is that I am going through this again. :001_smile:

 

 

Watching kids *is* doing something. But if it would make you feel better (or give you something to tell the dh,) perhaps you could write in a journal, listen to an informative podcast, knit, quilt, garden, or read while watching them. Whatever you decide to do, don't feel guilty about not getting something "constructive" done.[/QUOTE] Excellent point - thank you!

 

For me, the ideal day involves some work, some learning, and some time simply being present. I feel off-kilter if either of those elements are missing.

'Being Present' -- excellent point! Thank you!:001_smile:

 

If you have small children whose needs are best met by being home most of the time you do that.

 

If you are at that point, do all of that. Enjoy it. Enjoy the children. Take the time, revel in it, if that is what makes your family whole and happy.

 

Other times, perhaps when children are older, a family needs to seek out a larger world, and parents have to help provide that.

Hanging out at home is good, but sometimes doing in the community, being with others, is also good. I can't wait to get my kayak in the water, start back at farmers markets, fi. I have had just about all of the intropective winter knitting, and soup- making I can take.

 

To every thing there is a season.

Thank you - beautifully put! :001_smile:

Idleness (or 'doing nothing' is essential to the body & soul, imo). I love to take time every day to watch the birds, squirrels, and other animals outside. I just sit, watch, & listen. Lovely.

 

A nice article about the importance of rest/doing nothing...

The Lost Practice of Resting One Day a Week

I will take a look at that -- dh and I again last were discussing making a conscious effort to have a DAY of rest.

 

Yes. Chop wood, carry water. See the importance in the every- day doings.

 

I spent quite a while watching my chickens scratch today. Therapy, it is.

 

:D

 

Well, I am pretty sure that it is absolutely FINE as long as it is not considered "working" by the person doing the sitting. I know what you mean, though. When I had littles, I did a lot of just watching them play and making sure no one got hurt, etc. Now that they are older, I do a lot more listening and a lot less watching.

 

Sometimes I have to sit with them in the school room or they are going to start fighting/mouthing/goofing off. When that happens, I feel like i can't get anything else done (i.e. laundry) because I can't go downstairs long enough to put in a load before they are at it again. I tell them I have two 2 year olds and they are going to have to hold my hand and go downstairs with me so I can get some work done. It makes them mad...but heck, it makes me mad too!

We have those days here.;)

 

Your ponderings on the benefit of being vs. doing reminded me of hearing SWB talk about the importance of reading in our attempt to classically educate ourselves. Paraphrasing badly, she talked about the difficulty in our culture of setting aside time to read/study, etc. instead of produce results with our "to-do" list.

 

Anyway, I think hanging out with kids builds the relationship and that's an important part of being a Mom and a homeschooler. I think it's hard for us to do this, especially depending on how long ago we may have been in the workforce. We need "de-working" just like the kids need "de-schooling."

 

(P.S. you could always bring your laptop outside and research next year's curricula - that would be doing something, right?)

Yes, I do that and it's a great idea! and, GIVE UP THE HUMMER? Let's get a grip here, and not lose our head!:lol:

 

We are DEFINITELY down-sizers, both stuff and activities. We turned down an invite to a friend's home for Easter dinner today, simply because we wanted to be home. Not anti-social, just wanted Easter to be church and then home.

 

Back to your original question -- I believe that "doing nothing" really IS doing something. I know I'm investing important time with my children when I sit on the front porch and watch them play....they know I care, and feel loved. They ask me to come out and watch them. They love it! I usually knit or crochet, read a book, look at a cookbook, etc.... though while I'm out there.

 

Thanks for sharing this. And, we are still de-cluttering, downsizing, etc and I think that is a big part - for me - of simplifying. I am a big 'activity,' 'driving long distance' down-sizer.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I can only watch them play without guilt over not having anything else in my hands if I'm away from home. Then I can't see all the things calling out to me to be cleaned or sorted etc.

[Momma H]

This has been a wonderful thread to read today. I "Know" in my head that it is wonderful to sit with the kids and be 100% mentally and emotionally there for them or to just be bored for a while and not do anything. It is so hard to do though!! I get on my track of "doing" and I find it has been way too long since I have spent time hanging out with my little guys. Thank you all for reminding me of what life is really supposed (in my mind!) to be looking more like. God did not put us on this earth just to "get stuff done". I 'm thinkin he wanted us to be relational too!

Stacey

[mcconnellboys]

"Free play" is not "doing nothing". It's actually very important for mental development, among other things. Here are some links regarding free play:

 

http://pediatrics.about.com/od/activitiesforkids/a/1006_free_play.htm

 

http://www.aap.org/pressroom/playFINAL.pdf

 

http://www.aap.org/pressroom/play-public.htm

[FO4UR]

I think there has to be balance, and the ages/stages of your dc play a role in that balance.

 

My dc are 7, 5 and 3.5yo. We spend lots of time just playing and being. I spend a lot of time sitting outside when the weather permits. I read, check the forums, plan, fold a load of laundry, peel potatoes....yeah, I have to be "doing" in small ways too.

 

I have to admit though, some of the best learning experiences I've witnessed have been in the backyard as a result of an "idle" afternoon. Did I ever tell you about the time my ds built a catapult in the backyard out of fallen tree limbs, or the time I said we couldn't go to the park so he BUILT one for his brother and sister (out of a broken shelving unit, a few large rocks, and a tree perfectly shaped for being the support of a slide)....:tongue_smilie: I could make them come inside and "work," but I think the play will actually help them "become" the adult they are meant to be. It certainly gives me a clear view into how they naturally function.

 

I say that there is an element of learning that must be done in the sandbox, and no amount of book-learning can make up for the lost experience. Books just add vocabulary to what we already know.

Edited April 5, 2010 by 3blessingmom
grammar...spelling...being too tired to post....

[Night Elf]

I cannot do things all day every day. I get totally stressed out. I try to keep our days as simple as possible. This allowed me to spend a great deal of time with my children when they were younger and needed me more. Yes, they spent hours playing but I would never call that 'nothing'. They don't want or need me spending that much time with them now. My idea of things to occupy my time, however, are computer games and reading books. :)

 

I'm watching my dd17 getting more caught up in the expected life of an adult. She works 25 - 30 hours a week, has a cell phone bill, and is shopping for a car. Sometimes she seems just so tired. When I try to talk to her about slowing down, she tells me she is fine and enjoys doing all the things she's doing, even if she does feel tired. Maybe she is the kind of person who thrives on that lifestyle. She sure didn't get it from me though.

[MariannNOVA]

I cannot do things all day every day. I get totally stressed out. I try to keep our days as simple as possible. This allowed me to spend a great deal of time with my children when they were younger and needed me more. Yes, they spent hours playing but I would never call that 'nothing'. They don't want or need me spending that much time with them now. My idea of things to occupy my time, however, are computer games and reading books. :)

 

I'm watching my dd17 getting more caught up in the expected life of an adult. She works 25 - 30 hours a week, has a cell phone bill, and is shopping for a car. Sometimes she seems just so tired. When I try to talk to her about slowing down, she tells me she is fine and enjoys doing all the things she's doing, even if she does feel tired. Maybe she is the kind of person who thrives on that lifestyle. She sure didn't get it from me though.

 

THAT is interesting. I have been through that with my two older dds (31 and 29) -- yes, I agree, it is important to keep them from burning out - though, I KNOW for a fact that both of my olders got that from me. Seriously, they can do harm to their health and your efforts to try and have her keep things in perspective are excellent. I do make an effort with the three youngers to provide 'balance' that I didn't provide with the older girls.

 

I don't consider the hours of playing nothing (I probably mis-stated in my original post if that's how it read) - I LOVE that my kids do that and I encourage it -- it's what "I" would be doing while they would be spending hours at playing -- but as others here have said, 'being in the present' is something that some have to learn, and I'm becoming much, much better at it.

 

Thanks for sharing.:)

[MariannNOVA]

I think there has to be balance, and the ages/stages of your dc play a role in that balance.

 

My dc are 7, 5 and 3.5yo. We spend lots of time just playing and being. I spend a lot of time sitting outside when the weather permits. I read, check the forums, plan, fold a load of laundry, peel potatoes....yeah, I have to be "doing" in small ways too.

 

I have to admit though, some of the best learning experiences I've witnessed have been in the backyard as a result of an "idle" afternoon. Did I ever tell you about the time my ds built a catapult in the backyard out of fallen tree limbs, or the time I said we couldn't go to the park so he BUILT one for his brother and sister (out of a broken shelving unit, a few large rocks, and a tree perfectly shaped for being the support of a slide)....:tongue_smilie: I could make them come inside and "work," but I think the play will actually help them "become" the adult they are meant to be. It certainly gives me a clear view into how they naturally function.

 

I say that there is an element of learning that must be done in the sandbox, and no amount of book-learning can make up for the lost experience. Books just add vocabulary to what we already know.

 

:iagree:Totally:)

[MariannNOVA]

"Free play" is not "doing nothing". It's actually very important for mental development, among other things. Here are some links regarding free play:

 

http://pediatrics.about.com/od/activitiesforkids/a/1006_free_play.htm

 

http://www.aap.org/pressroom/playFINAL.pdf

 

http://www.aap.org/pressroom/play-public.htm

 

I agree that free play is vital. It's what "I" am doing, while my kids are having free play, that I have had to re-think.....and I've had ALOT of years to do THAT.;)

 

Thanks for the links - and thanks for sharing.:)