Question about "where do babies come out?"...

[Dianne-TX]

I am 8 months pregnant. Our dc are 9 and 7. Our ds9 asked today at lunch where the baby will come out. We haven't breached "the subject" yet except for the very, very basics of body part differences of boys and girls and that's it. We used the first book in the Concordia book series Learning About Sex, I think. We have the second book, Where Do Babies Come From?, but haven't used it yet. So, I'm wondering if anyone has been in our shoes before (meaning your children don't know about "the subject" yet, but you are pregnant) and also how far if too far to explain? Should we go for the full she-bang ending with delivery or just answer what he asked and leave it at that? If we just give an answer to his direct question then maybe more questions will come. We've been wanting to go for the full she-bang anyway given their ages, but then shy away because we haven't been asked anything yet. Plus, they are not around any kids who would have already shared their expertise in that area, so they are very, very innocent with that subject and we haven't felt the need to explain ahead of time. (i.e.. going to public school, etc.) I would love to gain wisdom from those of you who have BTDT. Thanks!

[newlifemom]

I always try to answer questions honestly and yet with just enough info. In my case it was really easy. My response to dc when they asked that was, "Well, there are a couple of ways they can get out. In my case, the dr makes an incision with a knife on my lower stomach and pulls the baby out." :D This was good enough for quite some time. Dd learned around 9/10 separately from the others the other way, along with other issues that pertain to girls. It was in response to some questions she had. She did not learn at that time how the got in there though. :D That was last summer when she was almost 11.

[Mrs Mungo]

Maybe I'm not the person to answer this question but I just answered this question in a matter-of-fact way. Baby will come out of mommy's vulva, between her legs.

[LittleIzumi]

My 2-year-old will tell you that babies come out of the vulva. :) We have an anatomy text to answer a lot of questions like that, and they have also seen birth videos. My 4-year-old can also tell you where they come from (sperm/egg)--and the spirit from heaven, as we believe.

[lionfamily1999]

I answered my kids honestly. It was before I started hsing, but I can remember thinking what a great educational time it was. Then, we tracked the baby by looking at pictures of how df was forming and the whole nine yards. We looked at some books that showed pretty good diagrams of the uterus and birth canal and, frankly, ds didn't seem to put it together into any scary mental ah! moment. Those pics, especially the cross sections, just aren't adult content imo.

[Aubrey]

When they were smaller, I simply said, "God opens a door." When I was pg w/ #4, my oldest was 7, & that wasn't good enough any more. So I told him there's an opening between a woman's legs, but it's private. He was fascinated but hasn't asked anything else since then.

 

We're of the "answer questions but don't offer information" camp for now, & we're planning loosely on full disclosure around 11 for ds & 9 for dd, but we're not adamant about those ages. Give or take a yr or 2 wouldn't kill anybody, I don't guess.

[LostSurprise]

I answered the question simply and directly (just like we have a tunnel and a hole for pee or poop to come out, Mommy's have another hole in their private area for babies to come out when they've grown big enough to survive in the world), and was ready for more questions if necessary.

[bluemongoose]

My dd asked this when I was preg. and she was 3.5yo. I asked her if she knew where her pee came out & where her poo came out...she said ya. I then told her there was another place in between (which she told me she knew where I was talking about). I told her that babies come out of that place. She asked me how a big baby fit through that hole. I simply told her God made it special and it can stretch very well to fit the baby.

 

She has also seen quite a few nature type shows that have animals giving birth.

 

That was enough for her...she has yet to ask me how the baby gets in there. I am guessing that will happen on my next pregnancy.

[Dianne-TX]

Good answers! We are wanting to be honest and explain correctly, but so far have gotten away with limited details. The know the names of the body parts, but we haven't reviewed those in a long time. We come from the standpoint that God gives a Mommy and Daddy a baby and it grows in the Mommy's tummy until it's time for him to be born. But now, since they know it's almost time for him to be born, the details are starting to become of interest. I agree, just answer what is asked and be matter of fact, but don't go too far unless they ask more questions. We're prepping to answer him and sister tonight. Thanks for the advice.

[OnTheBrink]

I'd just answer her question and not add any extra info until she asks. "Babies normally come out of a private place between the mommy's legs. Sometimes babies need help to come out, and a doctor will remove the baby surgically."

[Jenny in Atl]

Mine have seen live births. Really an amazing experience to be a part of.

[Guest Katia]

I asked her if she knew where her pee came out & where her poo came out...she said ya. I then told her there was another place in between (which she told me she knew where I was talking about). I told her that babies come out of that place. She asked me how a big baby fit through that hole. I simply told her God made it special and it can stretch very well to fit the baby.

 

 

Yes, this is pretty much word for word what I told my ds when preggers with dd. He was 5yo, knew the difference in how girls and boys pee and was fascinated to know that God could make something stretch to fit a baby through. He wanted to see the opening, so I showed it to him (yes, I did), but told him that only family could see our private parts and no one else would be viewing this part of Mommy. :tongue_smilie:

 

I also told him some mommies need to have the dr. cut into their tummy to get the baby out, ( we had a friend that had to do this with all 4 of her dc), so he wasn't afraid that it would be deadly to me or anything. He was just glad that the drs could help if there was a problem.

 

Anyhow, all was good. We believe honesty is the best policy.

Edited March 16, 2010 by Katia
Arg!!! Hopefully no dead kitties....I used an apostrophy to pluralize...but I caught it!!! Kitty is alive and well :-)

[Dawn in OH]

My older two are 7 & 8 and I'm pregnant. They did ask where the baby comes out. I was honest about it and told them the truth.

 

My 7 year old daughter wants to come see the birth, and my husband is all for it. I don't think that's going to happen though because she needs a chaperon (hospital rules) and my husband isn't able to do that because he will be with me.

[momofkhm]

I had this irrational fear of her going around telling people "mommy is having a baby and it will come out her vagina." That's if I told her the truth with proper names and everything. What I ended up telling her was the baby comes out the birth canal. She was happy with that explanation. If she started spouting that word in public, I could live with it. I may have even told her where it is.

 

I've filled her in since then. She's now 15. :)

[DarlaS]

Whew! I only have one more kid to deal with this question with. The two oldest were there when dd was born and she was right next to me (practically bouncing on the bed :tongue_smilie:) when her little brother was born.

 

That took care of that. :D

 

(They had seen some birth videos so it wasn't a total shock! :lol:)

 

ETA: ds 6.5 is my last baby and will not be witnessing the birth of any younger siblings. I intend to check out one of those birth videos from the library when we cover human anatomy. I remember one was particularly tasteful. Anyone know which one I'm talking about? It came packaged with a book. Gentle Birth something...

Edited March 16, 2010 by darlasowders

[jujsky]

We've always answered honestly. I think my daughter was 3 when she asked how she got out of my tummy, and you should have seen the look on her face when I told her! :lol::lol::lol: I explained how babies are made to DS last year (he was 5) because he kept asking more and more pointed questions about it, and it became unavoidable. He is under strict instructions NOT to tell his friends or sister if it comes up in conversation, and instead he is to instruct them to ask their parents. I know he hasn't told DD because she has a big mouth and would have told me.

[Tracy in Ky]

A good way to explain it, without getting into too much detail, is to explain that God put a special hole there for the baby to come through, kind of like a hen has a hole for the egg to come out :)

[Heather in OK]

I don't understand the big deal with telling kids the truth at their level. And I really don't understand why people make stuff up that isn't true about anatomy. Especially for our girls. They need to know and understand that this is a normal, natural process and that their bodies were created to birth babies (yes, I realize infertility exists..I'm not ignoring that heartache..just discussing the fact that girls in our society really need to hear this message).

 

*stepping off that soapbox* ;)

 

I agree with the others who have said be honest. Apparently your dc already know the differences in anatomy. If there are diagrams of the anatomy in those books, show them where and how the baby comes out. Most kids are satisfied with simple answers. Explaining the "full she-bang" doesn't have to be difficult.

 

Then if you want to also explain a c-section birth it can be just as simple.

 

There are some great birth videos on YouTube if you want to show them an actual birth.

[DarlaS]

There are some great birth videos on YouTube if you want to show them an actual birth.

 

I'm going to keep that in mind. :001_smile:

[Pretty in Pink]

I've told my boys the truth. "Girls have an opening in their vagina for babies to come out."

[LaissezFaire]

I think people all have their own way of handling these kinds of questions. For us at 7 and 9 there would be no question. We are always very open so it's not taboo. Actually by 7 some of my children had seen siblings being born. But I understand not all people are that open and so I would likely tell them that there is an opening between mom's legs that gets wide enough for baby to come out.

[LaissezFaire]

My older two are 7 & 8 and I'm pregnant. They did ask where the baby comes out. I was honest about it and told them the truth.

 

My 7 year old daughter wants to come see the birth, and my husband is all for it. I don't think that's going to happen though because she needs a chaperon (hospital rules) and my husband isn't able to do that because he will be with me.

 

Oh if you can find a way for her to be there I highly encourage it! It forged a fantastic bond between my kids to see a sibling being born.

[Wendi]

My dd asked this when I was preg. and she was 3.5yo. I asked her if she knew where her pee came out & where her poo came out...she said ya. I then told her there was another place in between (which she told me she knew where I was talking about). I told her that babies come out of that place. She asked me how a big baby fit through that hole. I simply told her God made it special and it can stretch very well to fit the baby.

 

She has also seen quite a few nature type shows that have animals giving birth.

 

That was enough for her...she has yet to ask me how the baby gets in there. I am guessing that will happen on my next pregnancy.

 

When I was pregnant with ds, we were visiting with family. My niece, 6yo at the time, asked me how the baby would get out. I looked at her mom, who said, "Go for it, Aunt Wendi." So I said basically what you did. It seemed to be a satisfactory answer.

 

Wendi

[Ravin]

I'd probably get in touch with a friend willing to share her birth video (I don't have one of DD's birth, plus it was a C-section, which I'd rather not introduce as the "normal" or most familiar way the baby comes out). Since DD understands the basic names for body parts (her own as well as the opposite sex), I'd just tell her exactly where it comes out. If she wanted more detail, I'd bust out one of several books we have on the human body, and possibly a hand mirror so she can see her own privates. With a boy, books and birth videos.

 

We've discussed how parts of her body are private, and for others not to touch (and her not to touch in front of others, though mostly in the context of a little boy I babysit who made hand-in-the-pants a habit in the carseat for a while), and for her not to touch on others (aka, why we don't knee daddy in the groin while climbing into his lap!). She knows where her vulva is, and is familiar with the vagina (and menstrual periods, since she STILL has a habit of walking in on me in the bathroom--we're working on that privacy issue, too, lol, and our bathroom door doesn't lock). I don't think it would take too much explanation.

 

I can't imagine having a child that didn't know a thing about reproduction and male and female bodies at the age of 9 (though I could see how the getting them together part might not have yet come up).

[Crimson Wife]

What I ended up telling her was the baby comes out the birth canal. She was happy with that explanation. If she started spouting that word in public, I could live with it.

 

:iagree:

My oldest was 5 1/2 when I was pregnant with #3 and this is what I told her. I told her that it only opens up during labor so she wouldn't be able to see it until it was time for her sister to be born.

 

Both of my older two witnessed the birth of #3. My DS was 3 and I was a bit worried about him but DH really wanted him there. He was actually fine except that he wanted to get a better view during the pushing stage and DH had to hold him back :lol:

[Garga]

Have them watch Milo and Otis. Then explain. (They show the animals having their babies. It's real quick--just a second or two on the screen.)

[Hedgehogs4]

I showed my son the book "A Child is Born" by Lennart Nilsson. I skipped the fertilization part (tmi) but showed the the real photos of the baby's development through birth. i do not in any way think it mars a child's innocence to know how the miracle of life actually comes into the world.

[musicmommy]

We keep it simple and straight forward here. Well, I do at least.

 

I kind of figured that since we only have boys, I wouldn't really need to be involved in those "talks." Our oldest started asking some questions last year and I suggested that he discuss it with Daddy.

 

The conversation went something like this:

Little: Dad, how are babies made?

Dad: Well, you see son, when a man and a woman love each other...

Little: No dad, I mean, how are they made? What makes them? How does it happen?

Dad: Oh, well, that's magic. :lol:

 

Although I'm happy he thinks it so magical, it looks like I'll be the one handling this discussion.

[Sputterduck]

I'd tell my son that they come from between mommy's legs, but my son is only 5.

 

He's seen tons of birthing shows on discovery health and such. So much so that when he was 3 or so he said, "Mama, I loved you when I was in your uterus, and I still love you now." Why not watch a birth show? It might answer enough for them and they're not very graphic.

[Dianne-TX]

We discussed it tonight and it went well. We've always used the real body part names and never treated it as taboo. Honestly, we were waiting for them to ask any questions so that we knew they were at that point in development before we bridged this subject further. We've always told them that they could ask us any questions about anything and we are always sensitive to the fact that they might have heard something here or there, so we leave the door open for anything they might want to know about anything. Since that hadn't happened yet, we were already planning on talking about it anyway. Books are ready to go. :) So, we weren't avoiding it, we were handling it in the way we know our children. I'm glad a question was finally asked, though, because now the dialogue can begin and we know they are wondering about it and interested. We limited it to the specific question asked today. As time goes on, I know more and more will either be asked or will naturally lead into more discussion of this wonderful part of life that God has given us. What a blessing! Thanks for your advice.

[JenC3]

My dd has seen her birth pics and quite a few doc's about homebirth since I'm going to start midwife training. My ds knows all about it too. Again, I really think birth/pg are not secretive things. They have asked HOW the baby gets there and I say that God tell you when you get married. Now we will tell them around puberty about sex, etc.

[Rosy]

I'm in the "honest but somewhat veiled" camp. I tell them that girls have three holes--one for pee, one for poop, and one where babies come out. Then they say "EWWWW!" and change the subject.

[Heather in OK]

So much so that when he was 3 or so he said, "Mama, I loved you when I was in your uterus, and I still love you now."

:001_wub: Precious!!!

 

My dd has seen her birth pics and quite a few doc's about homebirth since I'm going to start midwife training.

Wonderful!! What school are you going to study through?

[TengoFive]

My kids all know how babies come out. We've always been very matter of fact about it. It's not an embarrassing thing to me. The way they get in there? That's a whole 'nother ball game.

 

In my experience being truthful about how babies are born doesn't lead to more questions. I know in the past mine have sometimes asked how it gets in there, but my answer until they're more persistent is just that God puts it there. Once they're older we say that Mommy has an egg, and that joins together with a piece from Daddy and that makes a baby. That usually satisfies them for a long, long time. My 8 year old though wants to know now how that piece from Daddy gets in there. Only my oldest knows how that happens. My 8 year old girl is quite curious about it, especially since we told them last week we're expecting number 6. She's the one that's going to be a doctor though, she wants to know how everything pertaining to people/animals work.

[Guest learning2b]

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1600060137/ref=oss_product

 

We used this whole set with our 3 ds's. If you are Christian and believe in creationism it's straight forward and a great way to ease into the human anatomy and how it all works to make a baby. :)

[hornblower]

A good collection of university level anatomy books in the house + watching any David Attenborough vids for more than about 4h pretty much takes care of it. I'm not sure if there's any episode without mating in it, all with David's dry commentary.

 

My dd was 3.5 & at the homebirth of my ds. She cut the cord.

 

I think actually it's best to present the info waaaay before they're curious. Just tell them & they'll go 'ho hum, whatever.' or maybe 'oh, that's kind of interesting' and that's it. They'll never not know, it'll just be background info like knowing what a telephone is & that you speak into it & can hear a voice from far away.... it's just info.

[EthiopianFood]

A good collection of university level anatomy books in the house + watching any David Attenborough vids for more than about 4h pretty much takes care of it. I'm not sure if there's any episode without mating in it, all with David's dry commentary.

 

My dd was 3.5 & at the homebirth of my ds. She cut the cord.

 

I think actually it's best to present the info waaaay before they're curious. Just tell them & they'll go 'ho hum, whatever.' or maybe 'oh, that's kind of interesting' and that's it. They'll never not know, it'll just be background info like knowing what a telephone is & that you speak into it & can hear a voice from far away.... it's just info.

 

This is my belief as well. Dd already knows about a period (as much as she can, obviously :tongue_smilie:) and where to put a pad! :D

[KC in KS]

I can handle the "how does it get out" question. It's the "how does it get in" question that worries me!;)

[AuntieM]

Not sure if anyone's mentioned this, but I always liked the way the Magic School Bus "Lays an Egg" video depicted this. It's a good gateway for discussion.