Just venting

[scrapbookbuzz]

I'm a bit frustrated today. I woke up sick today and called my dh to have him come home. He said he'd see what he could do. Long story, short, he calls at 4pm and says he can't get away. :glare: I said I figured that since it was now 4pm. He says, "No, I really can't get away. Probably not until about 7 o'clock." :glare::glare::glare:

 

Why is it that Dad can take a sick day and come home and sleep but when Mom gets sick, we're still expected to do the stuff we do every day? :confused::confused::confused:

 

 

Needed to put it out there where someone would understand. Thanks.

[Impish]

I think part of it is the reality of being a SAHM, because so many women complain of the same thing.

 

I think it depends on the husband and the job too.

 

My dh has come home/called in when I've been sick/too much pain to function. Then again, we have the safety net of me having Worker's Comp payments, (hopefully, my case mgr threatens them on a weekly basis it seems...if I don't make y appt, then I lose my benefits *sigh*) so he's not pulling the family financial wagon alone either. A day or half day off won't have us eating ramen noodles for a week the way it might if he was the sole income.

 

I know other dh's that can work from home via puter/telephone if need be, and have because of spousal illness/bedridden pregnancy, etc.

 

I really think it all depends on the situation.

[Punks in Ontario]

Personally, I take the day off when I'm sick. I don't call dh home unless I need to be taken to the hospital or I'm throwing up and am too sick to clean it up myself. The kids are on their own for the day if I'm really sick. When they were little that could even mean a TV day.

 

I called him home when I miscarried and hemorrhaged several years ago. Other then that, I don't think I ever called him. I did try to call him the time the septic tank backed up into the house, but he couldn't be reached. His partners came to help me that time.

 

Guess it makes a difference that he was self employed for a long time and if he didn't get the job done one day, it was waiting for him the next day (even Saturday or Sunday).

[Harriet Vane]

Honestly, the only time I have ever thought my husband should stay home from work is if I needed to go to the ER or was vomiting so much as to be incapable of paying any attention to the kids at all. There was only one occasion where it came close, but even on that day I didn't call him home--the kids watched TV and I stayed in bed.

 

If I am too sick to teach, the kids do what they can independently and play the rest of the time.

 

It wouldn't occur to me that my husband should have to cover childcare--he just doesn't have that kind of leeway at work, and I would rather we use his limited vacation time for vacations.

[MyLittleWonders]

I understand. :grouphug: I hope you are able to get some rest and feel better tomorrow (that is what I'm telling myself after waking up feeling sick today).

[Mrs Mungo]

I understand. It's hard when you have no help on days you really need it. :grouphug:

[Mom0012]

Well, I would expect my husband to take the day off if I was really sick and he would do it if there was any way he could. Now my kids are old enough that I really wouldn't need him to do that as much to watch them, but to get them to the activities we are paying for. Whenever they were younger, he always stayed home if I was sick. So, no, I don't think your expectation is unreasonable at all. Sorry it didn't work out that way. I hope you are feeling better soon!

 

Lisa

[Hillary in KS]

Honestly, the only time I have ever thought my husband should stay home from work is if I needed to go to the ER or was vomiting so much as to be incapable of paying any attention to the kids at all. There was only one occasion where it came close, but even on that day I didn't call him home--the kids watched TV and I stayed in bed.

 

If I am too sick to teach, the kids do what they can independently and play the rest of the time.

 

It wouldn't occur to me that my husband should have to cover childcare--he just doesn't have that kind of leeway at work, and I would rather we use his limited vacation time for vacations.

 

:iagree:

[Garga]

If I was sick with a small baby and very demanding toddlers, then I might ask him to come home.

 

But now that the kids are 4 and 7, I wouldnt bother him. They can watch tv all day. Im a grown up and can take care of myself when Im sick, usually. If Im so bad off I cant take care of myself, then Id be in the hospital, Im thinking.

 

(my apostrophe key isnt working)

[QueenCat]

I guess we all have different needs. My husband gets a fixed number of days off per year for vacation/illness/whatever. I would prefer to not have him off unless we are going on vacation, or it is really important. I'd hate to not have him for the fun stuff because of me being sick. I think age of kids influences this too but I don't ever remember him taking off for me being sick when the kids were little.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Unless I was physically unable to care for myself (ie. literally get up out of bed) then I would not call my dh to come home if I were sick. My kids are old enough to get their own meals. If he couldn't come home for dinner then we wouldn't starve on pb&j sandwiches. But that answer is dependent on dh's job situation. He would be excused for a true emergency situation but otherwise his workplace depends on him being there. We can't afford for dh to lose his job.

[Wendi]

I hope you are feeling better tomorrow! Today was a sick day at our house, too. Both ds and I felt under the weather, ds moreso than I. I did some transcribing (a little freelance work) and went to my rehearsal tonight (community theatre), but otherwise we were lazy and unproductive. We watched MST3K on my laptop!

 

I know what those days are like when your dc is/are too young to be unsupervised all day, and you feel too sick to watch them. Very stressful. I hope tomorrow's better.

 

Wendi

[Aubrey]

You know, when I first read these die-hard responses from other moms years ago, I felt like a real wimp, & it made getting through whatever sickness it was harder, honestly, because then I had a huge dose of guilt on top of everything else.

 

So I'm going w/ those who say it depends on the age of your kids. It's not about dh coming home to take care of YOU, it's about not having to take care of littles. Sure, if they're big enough to be on their own, it's no problem. Shoot, in that case, they might even be sweet enough to bring you a cup of tea.

 

There's more to it, too, of course. The nature of dh's job--but I assume if he can be spared for his own illness, he might be spared for his wife's. IOW, a dh who stays home w/ a headache shouldn't then turn around & expect a vomitting wife to also take care of littles, kwim?

 

In general, I have a vague plan that ought to work for most families: a substitute/babysitter fund. Dad gets 5 sick days? Mom gets 5 days' worth of childcare built into the budget, to use or spend at her leisure. Dad has a copy of the sitter list so that in extreme emergencies, he can even call back-up himself. The result? Mom gets sick days that are much more affordable than dad staying home. If $'s an issue, there might even be a friend who'd be willing to swap.

 

There's no reason (except perhaps some cases of poverty) for a mom to have to clean up her own vomit AND go change diapers, prepare meals, dress, feed, lift, & otherwise care for her children while her husband is at work. Sure, there's a range of need & a range of circumstances, but having the fund there means that the sick woman gets to make that choice for herself.

 

Repeat after me: It's. ok. to. need. help.

[chaik76]

You know, when I first read these die-hard responses from other moms years ago, I felt like a real wimp, & it made getting through whatever sickness it was harder, honestly, because then I had a huge dose of guilt on top of everything else.

 

So I'm going w/ those who say it depends on the age of your kids. It's not about dh coming home to take care of YOU, it's about not having to take care of littles. Sure, if they're big enough to be on their own, it's no problem. Shoot, in that case, they might even be sweet enough to bring you a cup of tea.

 

There's more to it, too, of course. The nature of dh's job--but I assume if he can be spared for his own illness, he might be spared for his wife's. IOW, a dh who stays home w/ a headache shouldn't then turn around & expect a vomitting wife to also take care of littles, kwim?

 

In general, I have a vague plan that ought to work for most families: a substitute/babysitter fund. Dad gets 5 sick days? Mom gets 5 days' worth of childcare built into the budget, to use or spend at her leisure. Dad has a copy of the sitter list so that in extreme emergencies, he can even call back-up himself. The result? Mom gets sick days that are much more affordable than dad staying home. If $'s an issue, there might even be a friend who'd be willing to swap.

 

There's no reason (except perhaps some cases of poverty) for a mom to have to clean up her own vomit AND go change diapers, prepare meals, dress, feed, lift, & otherwise care for her children while her husband is at work. Sure, there's a range of need & a range of circumstances, but having the fund there means that the sick woman gets to make that choice for herself.

 

Repeat after me: It's. ok. to. need. help.

Thumbs up!

 

I do call dh home if I am too sick to function.

[2squared]

If I was sick with a small baby and very demanding toddlers, then I might ask him to come home.

 

But now that the kids are 4 and 7, I wouldnt bother him. They can watch tv all day. Im a grown up and can take care of myself when Im sick, usually. If Im so bad off I cant take care of myself, then Id be in the hospital, Im thinking.

 

(my apostrophe key isnt working)

 

:iagree: As a mom in the toddler/baby season of life, I only remember a couple times where I had dh come home. Those times were when I had more sick kids than I could physically handle, and those kids were all 5yo and under. Now that I have a 7yo and a 5yo, I can definitely say that I wouldn't need to call dh home for those two. They can turn the TV on if need be, fetch their own snacks, and wipe their own butts.

 

Even with a toddler (or two), I would have to be pretty darn sick to call him home. I can easily supervise the kids laying on the couch or floor (and have through morning sickness), and I can almost always piece together some sort of quasi-nutrition. I did call him home when I went to the doc for my miscarriage and for the births. :D Now in that first month after each birth, though, I expected him to be much more available than usual. That first month is a killer.

 

My dh is pretty flexible usually, but when he's in court or preparing for a trial, he absolutely can't get away. We all do what we have to do.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I have never, ever asked my dh to come home from work.

We can't afford for him to take a day off.

 

In the extremely rare occasion I have had to lie down, my dc work independently or the older one does and the younger one does what she can then plays.

[CalicoKat]

I'm a bit frustrated today. I woke up sick today and called my dh to have him come home. He said he'd see what he could do. Long story, short, he calls at 4pm and says he can't get away. :glare: I said I figured that since it was now 4pm. He says, "No, I really can't get away. Probably not until about 7 o'clock." :glare::glare::glare:

 

Why is it that Dad can take a sick day and come home and sleep but when Mom gets sick, we're still expected to do the stuff we do every day? :confused::confused::confused:

 

 

Needed to put it out there where someone would understand. Thanks.

:grouphug: nothing like him working extra long on a day your sick to make you feel worse. Hope you were able to get some rest..

[Jean in Newcastle]

The OP was just venting. And I understand that. I really hope you get better soon.

[Jen in PA]

:grouphug: I hope you are feeling better.

[Parrothead]

Uggh, I can sympathize. I hope you feel better soon.

 

You can also fantasize about all the extra work your dh is going to have to do when he gets home. Cooking dinner, cleaning up after the kids, bedtime routines, etc. He will have his hands full.

[Jennifer in MI]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry you are sick and I hope and pray you feel better soon.

 

I have called dh home when I'm sick. If I need to nap, doggonnit, I need to nap to get better. I deserve a sick day now and then!!!! We are blessed in that dh has a very flexible job. He can come home and work from home when necessary. And, I DON'T feel guilty. That said, he's been called home once over the last 5 years for me. He has also come home early when one child or another has needed an ER visit.

 

If your dh CAN come home, by all means, encourage him to do so if you are sick. And, DON'T feel guilty for doing it!!!!

[WishboneDawn]

 

Why is it that Dad can take a sick day and come home and sleep but when Mom gets sick, we're still expected to do the stuff we do every day? :confused::confused::confused:

 

To be fair...Did he really have any expectations that you'd do the stuff you do everyday? Or was that you thinking that you had to do everything because he couldn't be home? My husband can't take a day off when I'm sick but he really doesn't expect that when he gets home the kids will have done their schoolwork or have had 3 balanced meals or that the chores will be done or supper will be ready for him.

 

You're kids are old enough that you should be able to take most of the day off in terms of homeschooling, chores and meals. Stay in bed or on the couch and let them play video games or read and fix themselves cereal or PB&J sandwiches. Or try Aubrey's idea (fantastic BTW).

 

Don't confuse what your husband can't do himself with what he expects of you.