My blood is boiling! How would you handle this?

[helena]

My 8yo has Tourette Syndrome which means she has loud vocal tics and physical tics. We were driving home from grandmas tonight when she asked me if there was a way to hold in her tics for an hour. Come to find out her violin teacher told her today she is not allowed to have tics in class! I asked her what the teacher said when she made a noise and she said the the teacher would say "I told you not to tic".

The TS came on very quick, and when it started she had a class that week. My daughter was having vocal tics, her teacher asked why she was making that sound. My daughter said "I have Tourettes, I can't help it". The teacher said "No you don"t". I explained TS to her and her husband (who teaches the girls piano). I thought she understood after my explaining it.

I called my mom to talk to her about it, because she knows this teacher personally, and is the one who pays for the classes ($$$) (and is paid up through next September), and I needed to talk to someone. Her advice was to wait and call tomorrow, have a meeting, spell it out for her and tell that if it's to much for her to handle I can find another teacher. My mom is saying that she is just ignorant (in an innocent way) and that I just need to educate her.

My idea was to call her now and GO OFF!!! (which I won't do)

How would you handle this? Would you pull your child out? Would you give another chance? Have any of you had this happen where someone just can't seem to understand that your child has limits?

I just want to protect my daughter, I don't want her spending an evening quietly trying to figure out how to not do something she can't control. But I have a terrible feeling that this is just the beginning of people putting in their unwelcomed and uneducated two cents.

[SonshineLearner]

Could she possibly not understand that it's totally involuntary? Perhaps she thinks it's a bit "fit-like"?? I can't imagine someone not having seen a few documentary type news shows on it by now.... Who knows .... maybe she has no tv?? Hugs to ya!! Sorry about that!!

[Slartibartfast]

I would AGAIN attempt to explain it to her and if didn't work I would find another teacher. Can your mom get her money for the classes you don't take?

 

I am terribly sorry. The teacher sounds grossly ignorant. :(

[AuntieM]

she is not allowed to have tics in class!

 

What?!!!!

 

I am not all that familiar with Tourette's, but is it possible that being told she "can't" have them at that time would create such stress that her tics may actually increase at her lessons? Poor dd.

 

I think I'd wait until I calmed down and then call to calmly ask, "Perhaps you did not understand when I explained about dd's Tourette's....." I'd give her a chance, but put her on notice that you will be asking for a full refund of the advance payment if she is unwilling to work professionally and politely with dd.

[Mrs Mungo]

MHer advice was to wait and call tomorrow, have a meeting, spell it out for her and tell that if it's to much for her to handle I can find another teacher. My mom is saying that she is just ignorant (in an innocent way) and that I just need to educate her.

 

I think I agree with your mom. I would try and cool off, have a meeting and explain again. If she still didn't seem to understand, we'd change teachers.

 

My idea was to call her now and GO OFF!!! (which I won't do)

How would you handle this? Would you pull your child out? Would you give another chance? Have any of you had this happen where someone just can't seem to understand that your child has limits?

I just want to protect my daughter, I don't want her spending an evening quietly trying to figure out how to not do something she can't control. But I have a terrible feeling that this is just the beginning of people putting in their unwelcomed and uneducated two cents.

 

Maybe you can compare it to something else? This would be like my son's soccer coach telling him he wasn't allowed to have an asthma attack during soccer. Hopefully, he won't have an asthma attack but if he does, it isn't his fault. You might also point out that stressful situations often make TS kids tic worse.

[Denisemomof4]

I'm so sorry for you and your daughter. What an insensitive teacher.

 

I have a book on neurofeedback and it says it can cure Tourettes. Have you ever looked into that?

 

I'm really sorry.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Tree House Academy]

Perhaps the teacher thinks that if she reminds your child everytime she tics, she will stop. My younger son has some strange tics occasionally (once it was a sniffing type thing, then another time a cough that he didn't have) and my method was to call awareness to it and try to get him to realize when he did it. However, he has not been diagnosed with Tourettes, so I don't think of it as the same thing.

 

I would probably be likely to contact the teacher tonight and discuss this with her. There is only so far that "ignorant" can go. I would tell her that I didn't appreciate it, your dd can't help it, and that if she (the teacher) can't handle this, you will find a new teacher. I am 30 years old and don't have a child with tourettes (nor do I know anyone personally who has it), and I still realize that people who suffer from this can't help it...and I would NEVER tell someone else not to have tics (other than my child whom I KNOW does not have Tourettes!). I am sorry this happened to your poor daughter. :(

[HollyinNNV]

I think your mom is right. I think that lots of people have never heard of Tourettes and really do not understand what it is. I have no idea why the teacher did not understand after you talked to her????? But, the fact is that she obviously did not. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and go with what your mom said.

 

I only know about Tourettes because my dh did a report on it in medical school. We watched a video about it and both of us remarked on the fact that we had never met anyone (that we knew of) with Tourettes. Even now, after practicing medicine for over 10 years, he (dh) has never met anyone with Tourettes. (I just asked him.)

 

I think you might make the analogy to the teacher-you can't stop a tic just like a person with cancer can't willfully stop a tumor. Or a person with Parkinsons can't stop their tremor. Or a person with Alzheimer's can't stop their mental decline. Sometimes analogies can help.

 

Holly

[tex-mex]

You need to have a face to face meeting with the teacher -- most likely she is ignorant of TS. Spell it out to her as kindly as you can... but let her know how devastasted your ds is as a result of her comments. Let the teacher know you may have to take your unpaid tuition elsewhere if things cannot be resolved. Do you have a pamphlet or printout from the internet to leave with her explaining Tourette's?

[PollyOR]

Grrrr! I'm mad for you. :glare:

 

We just started dealing with a tic in the past year and a half. I KNOW my dd can't help it. My heart goes out to your daughter. :grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Since you had already explained the condition to the teacher, I would be angry too. I would explain again, but I think I would want some kind of assurance that she did understand. And I would definitely want 100% assurance that if she had any questions or comments on my child's behavior esp. as it related to this condition, that it had better be directed to me and not the child because you have the authority and capacity to answer her questions and children (esp. 8 year olds) do not. In fact, as I type this, the fact that she confronted the child about this and not you is what would make me the maddest.

[Joanne]

{{hugs to you and your dd}}

 

I'd give the current piano teacher one more chance after another very informative and direct discussion.

[helena]

Since you had already explained the condition to the teacher, I would be angry too. I would explain again, but I think I would want some kind of assurance that she did understand. And I would definitely want 100% assurance that if she had any questions or comments on my child's behavior esp. as it related to this condition, that it had better be directed to me and not the child because you have the authority and capacity to answer her questions and children (esp. 8 year olds) do not. In fact, as I type this, the fact that she confronted the child about this and not you is what would make me the maddest.

Exactly!!

This woman works with so many children, how could she not know that was inappropriate??

She's kind of an odd woman, in the sense that she rarely seems happy. The main reason I've stuck with this family is that her husband is a fantastic piano teacher (honestly she's good too). The girls love piano class, but violin..not so much.

Now I'm worried because I stay downstairs with the piano teacher, while the girls take turns in another room for violin. She can say what ever she wants to the girls and I wouldn't know unless they told me.

My anger has now turned to sadness because despite her quirkiness I love the routine of going there, we have always been so comfortable in their home. I love this family actually. I'm so disappointed that she did this.

[blessed2fosteradopt]

:grouphug: to you are your daughter. I am so sorry and I hope you get a proper resolution to this situation right away.

[kalanamak]

I would AGAIN attempt to explain it to her and if didn't work I would find another teacher. Can your mom get her money for the classes you don't take?

 

 

From OP, I get just an inkling that the teacher is not going to WANT to deal with this, whether or not she understands it is involuntary. If this is the case, I would push to get your money back.

 

Is it common to pay so far in advance?

[helena]

From OP, I get just an inkling that the teacher is not going to WANT to deal with this, whether or not she understands it is involuntary. If this is the case, I would push to get your money back.

 

Is it common to pay so far in advance?

 

I'm thinking the same thing.:(

My mom deals with her through her business, they see each other weekly. My mom is one of those no nonsense kind of ladies. "Here's your money, now go teach".

Now I've gone from mad, to sad, to stomach ache.

Am I wimping out if I send my husband to deal with it? I'm in the middle of a Lupus flare as it is. He's had TS since he was little, and has seen and heard it all. He also wants her husband to be there because he thinks he will take it very serious.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm thinking the same thing.:(

My mom deals with her through her business, they see each other weekly. My mom is one of those no nonsense kind of ladies. "Here's your money, now go teach".

Now I've gone from mad, to sad, to stomach ache.

Am I wimping out if I send my husband to deal with it? I'm in the middle of a Lupus flare as it is. He's had TS since he was little, and has seen and heard it all. He also wants her husband to be there because he thinks he will take it very serious.

 

No you're not wimping out. Your husband is very qualified to speak to this since he has TS. And even if he didn't, he has just as much reason to go as you do because he's her dad.

 

Take care of yourself. I'm in a Fibro flare and I can sympathize somewhat.

[Sugarfoot]

Okay, this actually almost makes me cry. My brother was diagnosed with Tourette's at age 7. Even though things have come a long way since the 70's, obviously there's still a lot of ignorance.:glare:

 

I wouldn't be able to have a civil discussion until I'd had at least overnight to calm down. I would probably print off some things about Tourette's from the internet to give to her teacher, just to be objective. I'd try to find things that not only focused on the physical aspects---vocal tics, physical tics, the completely involuntary nature of both, but also on the emotional impact of Tourette's on the child, (especially when she's told to "control" something that's completely out of her control by someone she respects!), and specific ways that teachers, coaches, and others can be most helpful.

 

:grouphug: to you and your DD. It'll be okay.

[RanchGirl]

That is terrible! I would have the conversation one more time since you love the place and have a good routine there (or send your husband, all the better since there will be another man in the room and your husband has personal experience with this). The conversation would involve a specific plan with very clear expectations, and part of that as a pp mentioned should be that complaints/concerns/questions (and insane demands, like please cut off your arm for the next hour - duh) go to mom or dad, not to the child.

 

Then I would also insist on a parent sitting in on the next several lessons to make sure things are proceeding as planned. This is a very reasonable request in my opinion and would be non-negotiable. It will also give you/your husband a chance to observe and see if there is anything you can do to make things go more smoothly. I can't imagine what, but it should at least remove the idea that this is a behavior issue if it is happening right in front of mom or dad, as well as remind them of your expectations.

[Hillary in KS]

Maybe it's just me, but my blood wouldn't be boiling about this.

 

I probably would do what your mom suggested. Go to the teacher (NOT during class time) and explain again that your dd has TS and how exactly it manifests itself. Discuss whether or not this would be a problem for future lessons.

 

If the teacher isn't prepared to instruct a student with TS, then get a refund and find another teacher. If she's ok with it, then proceed.

 

This is a situation to work through, not explode over.

[helena]

Maybe it's just me, but my blood wouldn't be boiling about this.

 

I probably would do what your mom suggested. Go to the teacher (NOT during class time) and explain again that your dd has TS and how exactly it manifests itself. Discuss whether or not this would be a problem for future lessons.

 

If the teacher isn't prepared to instruct a student with TS, then get a refund and find another teacher. If she's ok with it, then proceed.

 

This is a situation to work through, not explode over.

 

The impulse to explode has subsided, now that I've eaten a soy hot dog and chocolate milk I can now think clearly and focus on my stomach ache and a solution. :001_huh:

[Hillary in KS]

The impulse to explode has subsided, now that I've eaten a soy hot dog and chocolate milk I can now think clearly and focus on my stomach ache and a solution. :001_huh:

 

Very good! :)

[Harriet Vane]

I would be furious. I'm not sure I would give her another chance, quite frankly.

 

If you like this couple and want to continue, I'd say the discussion has to happen with BOTH of them, and I think it would be wise to have a parent in on the lessons from here on out.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

:grouphug:

 

I would be so angry. I don't know that I'd give her another chance, necessarily, I would say to her, "I might not have explained it as thoroughly as I thought, but, my daughter can't control her tics. If this is a problem, let me know now so I can get a refund for the rest of the lessons and find a new teacher."

 

That would be it. And then I'd watch for any underlying "attitude" people sometimes get! IYKWIM I wouldn't be so patient with an adult, I guess. I would be more with children, but, not so much with adults.

[MomOfOneFunOne]

My daughter and I have experienced three kinds of music teachers:

1) truly wonderful gentle souls who know music and how to teach it

2) lovely people who play like the dickens but somehow don't quite get how to teach it.

3) Hateful harpies who use pencil jabs and sarcasm as teaching tools.

 

I'm sure there are many other types out there but I do want you to know that there are 1s out there. My girl and I both started out with 3s and tried so very hard to stick with it but finally . . . just couldn't. We finally found some 1s and I just cannot tell you what a difference it makes.

 

If you really, really like her, give her another chance, try to educate her, and see if you can make it work out. If she isn't the teacher of your dreams, I'd start getting recommendations.

[*********]

I would be furious. I'm not sure I would give her another chance, quite frankly.

 

If you like this couple and want to continue, I'd say the discussion has to happen with BOTH of them, and I think it would be wise to have a parent in on the lessons from here on out.

 

I'm with Strider.

 

But, Zee has tics sometimes, too. He doesn't have TS, but 'generalized tic disorder'. Which means, he has tics that come and go. Like Tree House Academy's dc. When he develops a tic, I bring it to his attention when I see him doing it, ask him to stop, and move on with life. 'Zee, you're pulling on your ear, please stop. Let's have a snack now...' Very matter of fact, no shame, no nagging. Eventually, so far at least, he's given up most of his tics. His ped. seems to think he will 'grow out of it'.

 

All that to say, I may be a little more sensitive on this issue than others who have not had experience with it.

 

I'd be finding a new teacher.

[Pippen]

I haven't read all the replies, but I would wait until calming down and then schedule a time to talk with her. Most importantly, I'd bring along written information from a reputable source--ie a pamphlet from a TS organization--that introduces TS to her, including emphasizing that tics aren't controllable in children.

 

Sometimes the difference between having a mom tell teacher and having it in writing from a professional can make a big difference.

[Starr]

Send your dh or go together and let him do the talking. It's not wimping out.

[Remudamom]

Poor little gal. How about give the teacher one more chance and then blow her out of the water?

[jenn-]

I would give her another chance. Definitely show up to the next class time with brief information about TS in print out form. Talk to her and let her know this is not a disciplinary issue. My brother was diagnosed years ago with TS, but it has been taken down to a generalized tic disorder as he doesn't have enough symptoms to be TS. He was treated as TS for a long time though. While medicated his ticks were semi controlled, but not completely. Now as an unmedicated adult he can control his ticks for short periods of time, but it takes everything in him to do it (his are all physical ticks not vocal). Usually if he tries to suppress for to long, his ticks actually get much worse. Unfortunately your daughter has to learn that many people do not understand TS. She needs to become well versed in what it means and be able to inform someone about it.

[asta]

I'm so sorry for you and your daughter. What an insensitive teacher.

 

I have a book on neurofeedback and it says it can cure Tourettes. Have you ever looked into that?

 

I'm really sorry.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

With all due respect:

 

The cause has not been established, although current research presents considerable evidence that the disorder stems from the abnormal activity of at least one brain chemical (neurotransmitter) called dopamine. There may be abnormal activity of the receptor for this chemical as well. Undoubtedly, other neurotransmitters, e.g. serotonin, may involved as well.

(National Tourette Syndrome Association)

 

While some people may indeed be able to control some types of Tourettes for some amounts of time, you're talking about adults who have dealt with the disorder for a long time. In this sense it is no different than a person who has learned to "work around" a debilitating form of depression (only example I can think of, sorry). Certainly not something a child would be capable of.

 

I'm with Strider.

 

But, Zee has tics sometimes, too. He doesn't have TS, but 'generalized tic disorder'. Which means, he has tics that come and go. Like Tree House Academy's dc. When he develops a tic, I bring it to his attention when I see him doing it, ask him to stop, and move on with life. 'Zee, you're pulling on your ear, please stop. Let's have a snack now...' Very matter of fact, no shame, no nagging. Eventually, so far at least, he's given up most of his tics. His ped. seems to think he will 'grow out of it'.

 

All that to say, I may be a little more sensitive on this issue than others who have not had experience with it.

 

I'd be finding a new teacher.

 

Bethany,

 

This doesn't sound like a tic at all, it sounds like a perseveration. A tic is an involuntary muscle movement, not a complex action as you have described. I completely understand your sensitivity to the issue, but I think your doctor may be leading you in the wrong direction on this one. I only say this because I have a son who most definitely perseverates, but does not tic.

 

 

a

[helena]

Just wanted to thank everyone for their input. My husband went and spoke to both the husband and the wife. Hopefully that will be the end of it, I won't think twice about taking her out if anything else happens.

 

Thanks again for the support while I quickly learn the ropes of being my child's advocate under these new circumstances.

:grouphug:

[Joy at Home]

Just wanted to thank everyone for their input. My husband went and spoke to both the husband and the wife. Hopefully that will be the end of it, I won't think twice about taking her out if anything else happens.

 

Thanks again for the support while I quickly learn the ropes of being my child's advocate under these new circumstances.

:grouphug:

 

 

Thanks for the update, Helena. I hope that's the end of it, and I hope the teacher learned something about Tourette's so she can be more sensitive.

 

Blessings,

Lisa

[kalanamak]

Just wanted to thank everyone for their input. My husband went and spoke to both the husband and the wife. Hopefully that will be the end of it, I won't think twice about taking her out if anything else happens.

 

 

What did she say? Denial, apology, angry silence, oh gosh how could I have been so blind?

[helena]

What did she say? Denial, apology, angry silence, oh gosh how could I have been so blind?

 

indifferent

ugh..

[MommyInTraining]

indifferent

ugh..

 

 

I wouldn't trust her. If my child were to stay in her class, I would want to be there (instead of at the piano lessons). Otherwise, what about taking her out of the violin lessons and just having her do piano?

 

I hope things work out for you.

[MommyinEgypt]

My 8yo has Tourette Syndrome which means she has loud vocal tics and physical tics. We were driving home from grandmas tonight when she asked me if there was a way to hold in her tics for an hour. Come to find out her violin teacher told her today she is not allowed to have tics in class! I asked her what the teacher said when she made a noise and she said the the teacher would say "I told you not to tic".

The TS came on very quick, and when it started she had a class that week. My daughter was having vocal tics, her teacher asked why she was making that sound. My daughter said "I have Tourettes, I can't help it". The teacher said "No you don"t". I explained TS to her and her husband (who teaches the girls piano). I thought she understood after my explaining it.

I called my mom to talk to her about it, because she knows this teacher personally, and is the one who pays for the classes ($$$) (and is paid up through next September), and I needed to talk to someone. Her advice was to wait and call tomorrow, have a meeting, spell it out for her and tell that if it's to much for her to handle I can find another teacher. My mom is saying that she is just ignorant (in an innocent way) and that I just need to educate her.

My idea was to call her now and GO OFF!!! (which I won't do)

How would you handle this? Would you pull your child out? Would you give another chance? Have any of you had this happen where someone just can't seem to understand that your child has limits?

I just want to protect my daughter, I don't want her spending an evening quietly trying to figure out how to not do something she can't control. But I have a terrible feeling that this is just the beginning of people putting in their unwelcomed and uneducated two cents.

 

I have a very close friend I've known since I was 18, he has TS and has suffered with the symptoms all of his life. You absolutely cannot hold it in and how very unfair of this person to ask her to do so? Perhaps she needs to be educated about the syndrome or perhaps you should look into pulling her out. An environment were your child cannot thrive and express herself with her neurologically diagnosed syndrome is probably not the sort of place I would want my own were she in the same situation.

Best of luck.