lynn Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Would you consider a move to your dream house that would put 2 very content teen boys into another school district? I am really strugglig with this and would like some input. On the one hand the extra room would benefit us in that my 2 oldest would have have a space to themselves if they decide to stay local and live at home through college. DH would be closer to work. The house has everything we are looking for and is down $20,000 with 1/2 off any upgrades beyond what is offered. On the other hand I know how hard it is to go through the teen years but they would not be that far from their friends, they just would not be going to the same school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Sorry to say. I think that changing high schools has a big downside risk. Kids have to get acclimated to another school, they may not have the requirements lined up properly to graduate well from the new school, and it puts a great deal of avoidable stress into an age where stress is a given to start with and where major future college issues ride heavily on grades, extra-curriculars, and other performance issues. Is there any way you can buy the house and still keep them in the old school? I would bend over backwards to keep that school placement stable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 I had to switch schools mid-year 4 times as a child because my parents liked to move a lot. I hated it, but I was very shy and it was hard for me to make friends or get into a circle (especially once they'd been established and it was mid-school year.) I remember feeling very alone and frightened. School was tough for me and being the new kid 4 times was excruciating. I think it set me back emotionally. Honestly. I just never could connect with people and felt like such an outsider for so many years of my life. It took me until my late 20's to start to connect with people. I do think it goes back to those lonely school years being the shy new kid. It depends on your sons--maybe they're really outgoing. Ask them their opinions and try to take them seriously. It's not always easy to maintain friendships if you're not in school with them, unless your parents make sure you get plenty of time to see each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Do either of the teens drive? Would it be worth it to buy a car for them to drive themselves to school and back? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gandpsmommy Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Do they have open enrollment options where you live? In the school districts here, you can apply in the spring for enrollment the next fall if you don't live in the school district. As long as the school has openings (isn't overcrowded) you are given permission to attend, and the tax money that would have gone to the district of residence is transferred to the school you are attending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeegal Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Do they have open enrollment options where you live? In the school districts here, you can apply in the spring for enrollment the next fall if you don't live in the school district. As long as the school has openings (isn't overcrowded) you are given permission to attend, and the tax money that would have gone to the district of residence is transferred to the school you are attending. :iagree: I was wondering if you could get a waiver for the boys to continue at the school they're attending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 No, I wouldn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fivetails Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 I would consider the *family as a whole* and the future. If this is where you've dreamed of being for years, if this is the perfect house for your family, fiancially reachable, it may not come along again, etc... then yes - I'd prolly do it. I'm former military brat ~ I was into my teens before I met anyone who had lived in one place their entire life. :tongue_smilie: Moving isn't the easiest thing in the world, no.. but kids generally adjust, providing they have a supportive environment in which to do it. [and yours even get to keep their friends nearby! It's a move, but it's not a 'say goodbye to everything and everyone that you know' kind of move.] We moved our kids across country last year ~ younger and hs'ed, but still.. they moved 5000km away from 'everything they knew' ... and they've adjusted fine. Bit bumpy at first, but like I said - supportive environment make a huge difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in AL Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I would ask the boys and see how they feel. If they have concerns, find out what they are and if they can be addressed. I would take their concerns into consideration, but ultimately, the decision should be based on what's better for the family as a whole. Opportunities like the one you described don't come along often. When I was in my junior year of high school, I not only changed schools, but I changed states 6 weeks into the new year. Oddly, the hardest thing (other than learning my way around the school), was finding someone to eat lunch with. After that, everything was fine. Lynn, if you are staying in this area, the transition may not be as bad as you fear it could be..... we have so many kids in and out of the schools because of the Arsenal. That was one thing I learned when I moved here..... new kids come in all the time, and ones who have moved around a bit sort of watch for other new kids. I was taken under the wing when I started school here and I never forgot that. One of the girls said to me "we new kids know what it's like, so we take care of each other". The good news is that they could still see their friends. Also, if they play sports with, say AYSO or the like, they should still be able to play together--you just may have to pay an extra fee. My dc played in Madison's rec leagues for years before we moved here. They occasionally see friends from Monrovia, too, either on opposing teams, or because THOSE kids are now playing in Madison. I would want to contact the 'new' high school, though, to see how classes/credits would transfer. You might find, too, that the new school offers something 'extra' that the old one didn't. There may be opportunities available that aren't now. Also, you may have already thought of this, but if the boys are in any sports or things that you try out for ahead of time, find out when those days are... all you *should* need to let them try out is a signed paper (from the builder/whoever showing purchase offer/closing date, etc.) showing that you are intending to be in the district when that sport starts. I'm not positive on that, but someone I know did something like that locally. Good luck..... it's a hard decision to make!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Can they do an in district transfer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 We haven't. We have considered it. For us, its not the school...since we homeschool...but the neighbourhood and the kids roots here. We have sacrificed a fair bit to rent in a good suburb rather than buy in a poor one, so that the kids grow up in a good environment. It still feels worth it to us- we dont regret it. My stepdd was moved to the country by her mum and had to change schools...it didnt work out well. The mum wanted to buy and could only afford the country so took her kids out there, and it didnt work out well at all. Having said that...I tihnk its important to follow your own heart and sometimes these things do work out for the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 take presidence over your being in your "dream home". My brother and his wife did this recently to their three children and not a lot of good came from it (as far as the school situations went). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 If they have to change schools, I wouldn't do it against their will but I would ask them their opinions and see what they think. If they can stay in the same school and the drive is still somewhat reasonable, I would say go for it. My parents moved me to a new state senior year and it was a terrible year. It really affected me and what I did after high school. Before high school, I would say it's possible to move the kids without doing too much damage (depending on the kid; I have one who is absolutely root bound right now at age 10), but the high school years are too risky in my opinion. If things are going well now, don't fix what isn't broken! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nevergiveup Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Buy the house and rent it out then move in when the kids are out of school? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 No, I wouldn't. :iagree: They are teens - you can move in a couple of years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I wouldn't. Mine don't transition well. I wouldn't expect mine to live at home during college, either. ymmv. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I wouldn't rock the boat for stable, content teen boys for something that is optional. I'd trust that another dream house would come along when the timing is better and less risky. I was a high school teacher and time and time again I heard from parents and guidance counselors about how hard it was for their teens who had to transfer in the middle of their hs years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Okra Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I wouldn't move two well-adjusted teens for a house. To me, if I moved and it didn't work well, it would be devastating. I wouldn't take a chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomOfOneFunOne Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 If you could move but transfer back to the old school, I would! I did that as a kid but, being the kid, I don't really remember much about it except that one day I went to the one school, the next I went to the other. I think there was money invoved and some paper work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Buy the house and rent it out then move in when the kids are out of school? I love that the first creative solution offered here was from "nevergiveup"! Excellent idea. I would consider it, yes, which is what you asked. I would discuss it with the boys. Sometimes children are more adaptable than you think they are, and perhaps still being close to their friends would be enough to make the transition acceptable. And, I notice you have one teen who is 14 -- he has plenty of time to adjust to a new school. When my parents sent me to boarding school for my senior year, it was awful. They did not listen to my concerns, did not consider any other options. A friend had offered to let me live with them and stay at my old school. (Would something like that work for your oldest? Stay with a friend during the week and come home on the weekends?) I don't see you, judging from your posts, as the kind of person who would navigate this kind of change in a thoughtless or unkind way. For me, home is the A-number-one most important thing, and I can be a bit obsessive about my physical space. Although it's not the only important component in providing "home", I do need to be able to offer my children a space that is comfortable for all of us, in order for me to be a good nurturer and caretaker. So if I felt called to be in that dream home, then I would do whatever I could to make it happen in a way that did not cause trauma for my children. But that is me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsmomof2boys Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 :iagree: I was wondering if you could get a waiver for the boys to continue at the school they're attending. I agree, too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I think you could get many different opinions about this. I survived high school moves quite well. I think only your family can really figure this out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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