When would you leave these boys home alone together?

[Laura Corin]

Calvin is very sensible and responsible but a bit bossy; Hobbes is active and well-meaning but not always sensible. Calvin is used to being left home alone and to being in town on his own, so he's pretty confident. There's a 3 1/2 year age gap. Leaving aside legal constraints, how old would Calvin (the elder) have to be for you to leave them home alone together for the following periods of time:

 

a) half an hour (daytime) while you walk around the neighbourhood

b) an hour (daytime) while you run to the shops

c) two hours (daytime)

d) three hours (daytime)

e) two hours (evening)

f) three hours (evening)

 

If it makes a difference we live on the edge of a village. The nearest neighbours are a five minute walk away and it's a very low crime area.

 

I couldn't work out how to frame this as an official poll - too many variables.

 

Thanks

 

Laura

[Amber in AUS]

I would have no issue with any of those at the ages of your boys so long as you carry a mobile and they have an emergency action plan. Obviously i would start small and progress to longer periods of time always making sure everything had been fine whilst i was out.

[fivetails]

Those ages and the way you described them? I don't think I'd have a problem with anything on your list. :)

[Chris in VA]

I'd leave them, too.

 

Let me rephrase that--I think they'd be fine on their own.:D

[Renee in NC]

I would leave them now, no problem.

[Snickerdoodle]

Laura I think they are fine to be left alone at those ages for those periods of time.

 

I would give them something to do during your absence though. You'll have to think of something appropriate for your family. I'm thinking boys with idle time and nothing to do will eventually get into a bit of mischief.

[Snickerdoodle]

eventually get into a bit of mischief.

 

Ok I'm thinking of the time my parents left us alone to go shopping and they found us chasing each other up and down the street hitting each other with brooms when they returned. But every family is different, I guess. ;)

[Peela]

I too would leave them alone now.

When my kids were younger and we left them alone at home, we would always put on a DVD for them (well, it was actually a video way back).

I've actually done the walk round the block thing since they were 5 or 6 years old. But they are my kids with my kids' temperaments- neither was the sort to get into mischief or climb on the roof or drink bleach.

[lgm]

Now is fine as long as you've trained the elder in how to be in charge and the younger in being respectful and following directions & they've practiced the emergency plans. It is helpful if the elder knows basic first aid. As always with a young sitter, leave written directions for the meal and snack plan and the contact numbers of yourself, the neighbor that would help, and the fire & police agencies.

 

My kids know from past experience with the sitter that risky behavior is not done when no adult is on the premises. No jumping down stairwells, playing outside, throwing balls inside, boxing, karate moves, wrestling, using the stove, chemistry or mythbuster experiments, etc.

Edited January 2, 2010 by lgm

[JFSinIL]

If you are in doubt and have to ask us...then the boys are not ready to be left alone.

[elegantlion]

I would say they are old enough now. I had the older bossy sister and I took it as my job to annoy or avoid her when my parents were gone. I never traveled far from her, I knew I would be the one getting in trouble if anything happened. :D

[angelmorris]

I would leave them any of those day times for a while and let them get used to it. Give them some time to figure out how it works before you move on to evenings. Also consider if they get spooked easily... when it's dark out it can be scarier to them to stay in.

Good luck I have one Calvin's age I've been letting babysit more and it can be nerve wracking at times but he's done a fabulous job thus far :)

[Laura Corin]

I would have no issue with any of those at the ages of your boys so long as you carry a mobile and they have an emergency action plan.

 

The village is in a no-mobile-signal pocket, so - paradoxically - if I'm nearby I'm out of touch, but if I'm further away then I can be contacted easily.

 

Laura

[Renee in NC]

The village is in a no-mobile-signal pocket, so - paradoxically - if I'm nearby I'm out of touch, but if I'm further away then I can be contacted easily.

 

Laura

 

If one boy could call someone else or get to another person quickly it isn't an issue. Do you have neighbors? Are there any stores close by?

[Mama Lynx]

My oldest is 13, my youngest is 7, and I have no trouble leaving them alone. My oldest is responsible, my boys are good together. I do have cell contact, though, and close neighbors - OTOH, we probably live in a higher crime area than you do.

[Laura Corin]

If one boy could call someone else or get to another person quickly it isn't an issue. Do you have neighbors? Are there any stores close by?

 

The nearest three houses often have someone home during the day (one SAHM, one work-at-home-dad, two retired couples).

 

Laura

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would leave them for all of the daytime times you listed. I would wait on the evening ones until they proved responsible during the daytime. And as someone else mentioned, I would make sure they were occupied while you are gone - either a DVD, computer or even schoolwork.

[Danestress]

Maybe they are old enough, maybe they aren't. But some mothers are more naturally cautious or anxious than others, and it's not really a reflection on the children. I'm not saying Laura is overly anxious, but I don't think that running something past other mother's is a sign that you already know the answer.

[Amy loves Bud]

I haven't read the other responses yet. I have an 11 and a 9 year old, so this is based on what we do and what we intend to do. The two year old will have to be able to swim independently before we will leave her with an older sibling since we have a pool in the back. I think that's too much responsibility for a newly babysitting young teen/preteen.

 

We do a and b now, and will probably do c-f in another year, when Peyton is 10.

 

We did go to the neighborhood Christmas party and left all three at home alone this year. Romy was asleep already, and we were three houses down. That was for about 3 hours, and we did pop in to tuck them in at their request.

 

FWIW, my two get along very well and are content to watch a movie or play with legos while we are gone. Not too rambunctious.

[LibraryLover]

As long as the boys are kind to each other, and the 13 year old understands common sense, I wouldn't have any problem leaving them alone for a bit, and up to three hours.

 

The most important thing is how they treat each other.

 

But only you know your comfort level and whether they can handle this.

[StephanieZ]

My dc are 13, 10, 7. . . I started leaving them at home alone (w/ eldest home, obviously) when the eldest turned 12. Started out with 5-10 min gaps when the bbsitter was leaving and I was on my way home. . . then 20 min "gaps". . . then an hour. . .

 

Last week we left them alone for a couple hours in the evening while dh & I went to visit a new mom/baby in hospital.

 

(DH & I are always very reachable due to having cell phones, business lines, etc. . . It is never impossible for dc to reach one of us. . .)

 

Each time we leave them alone we remind/reinforce the house rules (all doors locked, only answer phone or door if it is me or Dad or grandma, drapes closed, no using the stove, etc.)

 

Also, when we go out and leave the dc alone, we give them "unlimited free Wii" which means they can watch DVDs and/or play Wii as much as they want. (Normally these are very limited.) This keeps the kids, especially ds10, glued to the screen and out of trouble. (He is the one in my house with the most worrisome judgment, perhaps it is the age/gender. . .)

 

So, for your boys, I'd feel fine leaving them in ANY of the cirumstances you listed.

 

Just so long as:

 

+ do it gradually to make sure they know the ground rules and get comfortable before you are gone during scarier (for them, really) and longer periods

 

+ make clear ground rules and make sure they know them well

 

+ try to avoid a pattern *

 

* I believe that many problems can arise if the kids' friends (or worse yet, other adults) know when they will be alone. So, I'd avoid leaving them home alone every M, W, F from 3 - 5 or sth like that. I think if it is a habit, then it will become common knowledge soon enough. One of my ground rules is that the kids CANNOT tell anyone they are home alone at any time. That is why they can't answer the phone or door. The other day dd13 asked if she was allowed to facebook when we are gone. . . I hesitated but allowed it pending her promise not to disclose being home alone and our discussion on how she was going to be able to do that. (She has pretty good judgment)

 

** Also, I pay my oldest for "babysitting" if she is staying home while dh & I are out for fun (dinner, etc.). I see that as different from keeping an eye on things while I am at the grocery or on a walk or on my way home from work. . .

[Laura Corin]

Maybe they are old enough, maybe they aren't. But some mothers are more naturally cautious or anxious than others, and it's not really a reflection on the children. I'm not saying Laura is overly anxious, but I don't think that running something past other mother's is a sign that you already know the answer.

 

I have no problem with Calvin's being alone, and am not anxious about him. For example, I let him walk around town alone, including after dark: he walks from Taekwondo to Scouts (about half a mile) alone on a Friday night.

 

Hobbes is, as I said, a child of good will. However I am concerned that he would innocently get himself into danger. I don't yet let him cross the road alone, for example, because he will forget to be safe if he gets distracted. I can see him telling his brother he is going to get a glass of water, then deciding to unpack the dishwasher and to save time by carrying a lot of glasses at the same time. Suddenly Calvin has a brother with arterial bleeding. Calvin has a strong sense of responsibility and would feel overwhelmingly guilty if something happened to his brother on his watch.

 

Up to now, I've been happy to leave them while I take my walk, as I can get them absorbed in books and insist they don't do anything else. I'm nervous of giving Hobbes more leeway to get himself into trouble.

 

Thanks to all for you help,

 

Laura

[Starr]

When my children were about that age if I was going to be out for a longer period of time I would cook them a pizza and have them watching a movie. That gives you a good couple of hours. :D

[rwjx2khsmj]

I'd start with the smallest and work my way to the greatest as the boys show they are ready for the responsibility. That's what I've done with mine and it's worked well. Now and then we get phone calls to tell the youngers to listen to dd13 or to remind dd13 not to be so bossy but for the most part they handle themselves beautifully when I'm out of the house.

[Lovedtodeath]

 

Ok I'm thinking of the time my parents left us alone to go shopping and they found us chasing each other up and down the street hitting each other with brooms when they returned. But every family is different, I guess. ;)

My concern is also due to my experience as a kid. Do the boys get along well? My brother was very cruel to me when he was left in charge. We are 3 years apart.

[tex-mex]

I would have no issue with any of those at the ages of your boys so long as you carry a mobile and they have an emergency action plan. Obviously i would start small and progress to longer periods of time always making sure everything had been fine whilst i was out.

:iagree:

[Laura Corin]

My concern is also due to my experience as a kid. Do the boys get along well? My brother was very cruel to me when he was left in charge. We are 3 years apart.

 

Of course they have their moments, but in general they are very caring.

 

Laura

[katilac]

Mine are 9 & 11, and my 9-yr-old sounds similar to yours! The half-hour and hour time frames are no problem in my mind, as long as they are 'settled' at some activity such as reading, drawing, or playing a game. For two hours, I'd probably allow screen time - - it's rationed enough around here that it's more attractive than mischief, ;). I'd probably not do 3 hours regularly, but I'd do it in a pinch if I *knew* a neighbor would be home.

 

Day or evening is irrelevant unless they have a fear of the dark; I know mine would be less comfortable being alone at night. I'd start at the low end and work my way up to longer periods.

 

In your situation, I'd probably make it very clear that they are only to do certain things while you are gone (and I'd even consider a written list). They are NOT to ad lib, even for 'good' or 'helpful' things like doing extra chores. If they're anything like mine, they'll be so thrilled to get out of routine errands that they will be utterly well-behaved.