Kari C in SC Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I have been reading the threads about gift exchanges, as well as gift cards. Background - this is the first year my dh's extended family is doing a gift exchange. We each chose another and bought a gift of about $40. We had some who liked the idea, others who didn't and some who didn't care either way. I am the keeper of the names and have heard from many that don't know what to get "their person". Several are just getting gift cards because they are clueless. I don't understand this because before we moved closer to them, they were buying for "their person" as well as everyone else. Whatever the reason is - I keep hearing this "problem". I was talking to my friend about this and she told me what their family does. Each adult in their family has to option of buying 1 - $10 gift card and 1 - $20 gift card. They then do then to two separate Chinese gift exchanges. They break it into two amounts so those that have a tight budget can choose to do just one, etc. They also do a white elephant gift exchange where they bring some unwanted item from their house. I talked to my mom about it and she said it was sorta impersonal. I am not sure what I think. One minute I think it could be fun to try to steal the gift card you really want, but the other minute I think it is just like swapping cash. Any thoughts? ETA - I am thinking about suggesting this for next year. It is too late for this year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I've done this at work parties, and it's a lot of fun. Around here, we call it a Yankee Swap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 We have done something similar and called it Dirty Santa. Personally I don't like the Chinese link... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 What could be more impersonal than a gift card? At least your new idea is impersonal with a touch of creativity and interaction. Really, at times like this, someone has to make a decision. Every family has a person that the others are willing to accept decisions from, so get that person on board and have them deal out the new rules to everyone else. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 We just call it a white elephant swap. I've done it at several work parties, and DH's extended family has one too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 My mom's family does something like this but we call it "dirty Santa" and we use gifts, not gift cards. There is a $20 limit and the goal (in my family) is to get something that a large portion of people will love and fight over. It's a lot of fun and everyone ends up with something nice and/or useful. Small appliances, bath products and small tools are the most popular. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I think gc's (in this venue) wouldn't be much fun to fight over... Putting a price limit and requiring an actual item is much more fun -- really, it can be a VERY fun event. One time the most-fought-over item was a strapping tape gun! Go figure. $20 worth of scratch lottery tickets are fun, too. I've never heard the "Chinese" term before...I'm not too fond of that term. We just called it a "gift exchange" or "dirty Santa". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted December 16, 2009 Author Share Posted December 16, 2009 (edited) I think gc's (in this venue) wouldn't be much fun to fight over... Putting a price limit and requiring an actual item is much more fun -- really, it can be a VERY fun event. One time the most-fought-over item was a strapping tape gun! Go figure. $20 worth of scratch lottery tickets are fun, too. I've never heard the "Chinese" term before...I'm not too fond of that term. We just called it a "gift exchange" or "dirty Santa". I am sorry about the term "Chinese", that is just what I was always told it was called. I am not sure where the name came from. I think I will talk to my family about both ideas and see what the majority says. Thanks! ETA - I just searched for why it was called this and found this = http://www.ehow.com/facts_5568471_rules-chinese-gift-exchange.html Edited December 16, 2009 by Kari C in SC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I abhor the "Dirty Santa" type things, at least when they are done with my extended family. As our extended family grew after my dad remarried, originally we bought for all, then it went to drawing names (which I did not mind---usually you can get at least some idea of something that the person would like by asking around), then it became the "Dirty Santa" fiasco. My sister and I participated for a couple of years, but dropped it and refuse to have any further to do with it---we go do dishes in the kitchen. The limit in our family is $5. The issues started with one stepniece who went around loudly proclaiming all the categories of gifts that were unacceptable for anyone to bring to such a swap because either she or her husband didn't like them. She is also the one who brings a stuffed animal from the dollar store (this is for an exchange between adults only) or something similar. My sister and I brought $5 gift cards to Target once and it got extremely ugly when one of us ended up with the card the other brought. Evidently, this raised huge resentment because we were perceived as "not needing them as much as others" and "cheating to be sure we got them." The root issues appeared to be 1) that no-one else brought gifts that they would actually consider worth having but hoped to get something "good" out of the others, 2) the differences in what is considered desirable (either in gifts or behavior) are evidently way too different between different parts of our family and 3) it helps to play this game with people who are actually willing to act like adults. Not that I have any strong feelings about the subject, or anything.;) Hopefully your family will be better able to handle themselves. If the folks in your family don't feel they know enough about each other's interests and tastes to buy something for a specific person, I would have some concern about whether they have enough in common to bring things that would be of interest to the general group either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in WI Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 (edited) My dh's family plays this every year and it is so much fun! We call it grab bag. Usually it has a $40 limit and it can be a hilarious gift no one wants (singing fish that hangs on the wall!!!) or something everyone fights over (one year a box of woman's dress socks went around more times than I could count!). We do have a rule that a present can only be stolen three times in one round. To decide the order of picking presents, everyone picks a # out of a hat. This year, to go green and because of the economy, they went with a re-gifting theme where you have to bring something from your home that is gently used or something from a thrift store that costs no more than $10. I can't wait to see the hilarity that is sure to ensue! Edited December 16, 2009 by Heather in WI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 In dh's (large) family we do a white elephant exchange. Each person brings a $25 gift - women for women, men for men and then there are two different swaps. We always have a great time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Maybe it's the Asian in me, but I strongly dislike the ethnic shoutout in this instance. "Gift Swap" sounds much better, even if somewhat generic :) I agree that it can be somewhat impersonal, but it's a good solution when you don't very well know the people for whom you are shopping. It really IS like swapping cash, but maybe that's okay - it's fitting for a social occasion where you have to show up with something, but you just really don't know what. I'd rather get a gift card than a trinket I can't or won't use. Love that they are easily re-giftable, too. Maybe do a theme, like "events" (bookstores, movies, minigolf) or "restaurants" to get people out of the standard Target/Walmart mode. Alternatively, come up with a 10 question form for everyone to answer - basic questions that might help a shopper buy for them. Last book read. Best movie ever watched. Favorite color. What I'd do on a Saturday night sans kids. Just a few fill in the blank questions that can be exchanged at the same time drawn names are. Good solution for people you kind of know, but don't really know well (colleagues, etc.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rwjx2khsmj Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 When we got together with my whole family for Christmas we played the Crappy Gag Gift Giveaway Game. Everyone spent the year looking for the crappiest gag gift costing $5 or less. The gifts were wrapped and then as a family, we played a game of some kind. Some years it was Scattergories, Pictionary, etc. The winner of each round of the game would get to choose a gift to unwrap, the next winner could either take the previous winner's gift or choose a new one. We had a great time playing the game and unveiling the crappy gifts. I think the most memorable gifts were a Shaun Cassidy album (in 1990s) and a wooden monkey head. My mother never could bring herself to buy crappy gifts and would bring small boxes of Whitman's Samplers as her gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I love White Elephant gift exchanges (that's what we've always called them)! They are so much fun. Like someone else mentioned, we have a rule that something can only be "stolen" 3 times, or else the game could go on forever. But it is only fun if there are pretty good gifts. If someone re-gifts their bath lotion that they do not want, then it really isn't very fun because no one wants those. I try to put thought into my gift and get something that people will want to steal. I wish everyone else did too. Last year we went through the entire game with no steals! :001_huh: Everyone brought crappy stuff LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda in FL Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 We did this last year with the adults at my house on Christmas - only DH and I bought all the gift cards at $10 each (this was like our present for all of them which is why we bought the cards). I bought more cards than we needed and let people swap out afterward if they needed to - I knew that I would be able to use the extra ones anyway. We bought - itunes, Trader Joe's, Home Depot, Babies R Us, Publix, Target, Barnes and Noble and Starbucks. It was received very well - and gave the adults something to amuse ourselves with once the kids were busy playing with their gifts. I think it would work in your case since no one knows what to buy the other person anyway - and maybe you could collect the money and buy the cards yourself ahead of time so that you don't end up with a bunch of Walmart cards!! And its not really the same as swapping cash - because you can get cards that are more personal which I think I managed to do. I would keep it at $10 that way you aren't segregating the rich and the poor - so to speak. Whatever your family decides I would think it should be all or nothing - if you stick with gifts - then no one should buy gift cards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Encouraging people to "covet" and then "steal" gifts from one another is so antithetical to the sprit of the season, that personally I can't stand this form of gift exchange. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Here it's called a Yankee Swap, but our family calls it a Red Sox swap. ;) One having nothing to do with the other except, you know... We do small-ish gifts, although some of those gifts can include GC: I got a Movie Basket once; CG to the movie theater, with milk duds, licorice, microwave popcorn etc. It's fun and we look forward to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I do like White Elephant Gift Exchanges, but don't think I would like it to be just gift cards. We include silly items, used items, or a nice $20 gift. At the last one I went to, a few of the items were: a used crystal vase, a used candle with a gift card taped to the bottom of the bag (only the recipients knew it was there), very tacky pillow shams (they were a silly gift), and a pretty plant. If you want to do a gift card only exchange, a fun way to do it is to have every one give the hostess the cards early. Then tape the gift cards under the furniture, and at a random point in the evening have everyone find their 'prize' by seeing what card they are sitting on top of. You may need to move a couple people to make sure everyone who participated, gets a gift, or just buy a few extra to make sure all the chairs have a card. If you tell everyone ahead of time, they will try to peek and it builds the anticipation of the evening. You can even 'pad' a chair or two with an extra card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Encouraging people to "covet" and then "steal" gifts from one another is so antithetical to the sprit of the season, that personally I can't stand this form of gift exchange. Bill That's part of what bothers me so much about the way it plays out in my family. We are the Neopagans (though my sister is a moderate Christian), they are the very vocal and very fundamentalists Christians who have just spent the entire morning going on and on about Jesus being the Reason for the Season, that everything they do is to honor Jesus and castigating any business that says "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." To then turn around and not only encourage this sort of game but to act in such a manner as they do seems the height of hypocrisy or at least to total blindness about how their actions speak much louder than their words, especially to the children. If they treated it like a real game, it might be different, but I've still never cared for the game itself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I've never heard the "Chinese" term before...I'm not too fond of that term. I always thought it came from "Chinese fire drill", which were great fun when I was a teen. I hate the whole exchange thing. I know some families think it fun, but big gatherings where snide comments between various wings, and when family groups pit together to make sure their kids get all the very best things, and then brag on about it, have convinced me they are a route to being uncivilized. "Hey, lets have a family game where we fight over junk!" Not my idea of fun, and when I used to be submitted to them, I quietly left the junk there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I always thought it came from "Chinese fire drill", which were great fun when I was a teen. I hate the whole exchange thing. I know some families think it fun, but big gatherings where snide comments between various wings, and when family groups pit together to make sure their kids get all the very best things, and then brag on about it, have convinced me they are a route to being uncivilized. "Hey, lets have a family game where we fight over junk!" Not my idea of fun, and when I used to be submitted to them, I quietly left the junk there. I think my husband's family white elephant exchange is fun. What you describe above, not so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 It depends on the family dynamic. I went to one of those gift swaps at a friend's family. Everyone was having a BLAST. There was a lot of laughter and everyone knew it was just a fun, goofy game. No one really cared what they got in the end. It was the fun of the game. People were laughing so hard they had tears in their eyes. Except for one family member. She totally couldn't get into the spirit of the thing. I guess she took it all seriously or something. She was snippy through the whole thing. Everyone just politely ignored her and kept having fun. This was the same family member that got in a snit because everyone starting singing Christmas Carols. She said, "It's just not appropriate," over and over and kept making faces. I finally turned to her and said, 'Well, then when IS is appropriate to sing Christmas Carols with your family, if not on Christmas Day?" You can see she was just being a scrooge that year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 The White Elephant exchange is one of our favorite traditions. People put more thought into this gift than all of the others combined. We start with the oldest person. They can open any gift and then keep it or pick another one. The next person can take the previous person's gift or pick a new one. We go on down the line in ages so that the youngest person gets the prime choice of gifts. Sometimes, people end up exchanging their presents anyhow but it is tons of fun and for some reason those presents are extremely treasured, probably because they are so creative and it is so much fun doing it. Some big hits last year was a marshmallow gun, and easy button and a red stapler (a la Office Space). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 What do the Chinese have to do with this kind of gift exchange? I've played this game, but never heard it called Chinese Gift Exchange, and I'm wondering what the reference means. Does it mean that Chinese people steal gifts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 What do the Chinese have to do with this kind of gift exchange? I've played this game, but never heard it called Chinese Gift Exchange, and I'm wondering what the reference means. Does it mean that Chinese people steal gifts? Last year I heard the grandmother of a child we know refer to it as a Yankee Swap. Her grandson (about age 8 at the time) asked if that was because Yankees steal things. As his family is big into the Daughters of the Confederacy, I am quite sure he understood the term to mean Northerners, not the sports team. His grandmother hemmed and hawed quite a bit. There are some terms that are better left to die out (we won't even go into the term *my* grandmother used for Brazil nuts when I was a child........). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirth Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 There are some terms that are better left to die out Yes. And no, the Chinese are no more prone to stealing gifts than anyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Encouraging people to "covet" and then "steal" gifts from one another is so antithetical to the sprit of the season, that personally I can't stand this form of gift exchange. Bill We had one after work, recently, at a bowling alley, and there was nothing Christmassy about it at all. The gifts were silly, and everyone had fun. It made so much difference! So, I can now say I've had one nice one, but I was worried about it. I should have known better because this is a really nice, normal group of people who like each other and were there voluntarily. I thought my kiddo, who is usually present-crazy would be interested, but it there was a kiddy bowling lane, and he spent all two hours glued to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 (we won't even go into the term *my* grandmother used for Brazil nuts when I was a child........). I remember the old name for Brazil nuts. :tongue_smilie: Did you know that in Brazil, they don't call them Brazil nuts? I heard on House MD that they call them chestnuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 We had one after work, recently, at a bowling alley, and there was nothing Christmassy about it at all. The gifts were silly, and everyone had fun. It made so much difference! So, I can now say I've had one nice one, but I was worried about it. I should have known better because this is a really nice, normal group of people who like each other and were there voluntarily. I thought my kiddo, who is usually present-crazy would be interested, but it there was a kiddy bowling lane, and he spent all two hours glued to it. I've only experience 3 of these. The first was awful, with boozy (now former) distant relations by marriage (sister-in-law's husband's family) taking absolute glee in yanking gifts from family members. I was mortified. The next two were with far lovelier people, the members of our nursery school co-op, many of whom feel like family now, and all of whom are friends. And it was supposed to be "gag gifts" more a less. Still there were a few items people really wanted that were "stolen", and I just wasn't loving the take a gift away aspect of the gift exchange. Grab one at random, keep it, fine. The other doesn't really seem to bring out the best in people. And I'm still hopelessly romantic about Christmas time, and prefer it be a time we strive to me our best. Or maybe I'm just an old curmudgeon :D Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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