How much do your kids do around the house?

[hmschoolmom22]

I have an almost 9 yr old(birthday next month)and a 13 yr old. They are responsible for keeping their rooms neat and clean, their bathroom that they share, and when I ask for help(set the table, empty the trash, clean off the back deck, that kind of thing)they of course do it....BUT, I am feeling completely overwhelmed!!!! laundry, dusting, vacuuming, cooking, cleaning up the kitchen, dishes, 2 other bathrooms, keeping up with our very active dog, school work, dh's side business, running the kids to their activities, etc., etc....there is no REAL time for me, and hardly any time for dh and I.

 

It doesn't help that I was recently diagnosed with arthritis in my left hip and was told by my Dr. that I need a full hip replacement! because of favoring my left hip, I have plantar fasciitis and achilles tendonitis in my right foot!

 

I feel like my kids take no initiative when it comes to "chores", I have to TELL them what to do all the time- even make up your bed and wash your face.

 

any advice? what do you do? chore lists? daily schedules?

 

Thanks!

[Mom-ninja.]

As far as self motivation to do chores I think that comes with wanting a clean place. I like to have a clutter free and clean house, but my DH and kids simply do not care. So if it were up to them, including DH, nothing would get done and we would live in a disgusting house.

 

I simply tell everybody what to do and when. A chore chart worked for a few weeks, and then they just went to ignoring it.

 

Just today I had them all cleaning before they were allowed to go to the VW car show. They grumbled, and I'm sure they think I'm mean. However, yesterday I was gone all day, and they spent the entire day watching TV. I refuse to be a maid. So the boys had to clean the living room (toys were all over the floor), put away their laundry, wash and put away dishes, clean the kitchen countertops, clean the bread box, and clean the bathroom upstairs. DH helped clean the upstairs bathroom. I'm sure I could still go up there and need to follow up on their cleaning. I just haven't looked yet.

 

Usually, when I start to feel overwhelmed with chores, I stop and think about what I can delegate to others. Surprisingly, my boys can do more than I sometimes think.

[amy g.]

15 year old takes care of the animals and milking. That is almost a full-time job. She pays 13 year old $20 per week to clean her bedroom and bathroom.

 

13 year old also keeps his room clean, and cleans the dining room daily.

 

11 year old cleans her room and bathroom, and cleans the den daily. She usually puts away everyone's laundry and unloads the dishwasher.

 

All three of them cook one dinner a week.

 

I still need help with the 3 year old's room, my room and bathroom, the playroom, and both porches.

 

I don't want to give anyone more mandatory chores, so when we are out, and they want to buy something, I make them pay me back with extra cleaning. I pay $10 per room which includes vacuuming and carpet cleaning or mopping.

Edited November 8, 2009 by amy g.
I can't seem to remember she is 11, and not 10.

[hornblower]

1 year old cleans her room and bathroom, and cleans the den daily. She usually puts away everyone's laundry and unloads the dishwasher.

 

 

 

LOL - very precocious!

 

To the OP, make a list of chores important to you. Divvie it up.

Expect to have to remind them until they move out.

 

eta - sorry to hear about the hip. But now that you know what's going on, it can be fixed. My mil had both done (not at the same time) and she's like a new woman. best wishes.

[LauraGB]

Expect to have to remind them until they move out.

 

 

:crying: Really?

 

Mine have morning chores; each week they alternate where one does the emptying of the dishwasher and refilling it with breakfast dishes and wipes up the counters, the other feeds/waters the dog and the cat and takes care of the litter box. They are supposed to make thier bed and clean up any clothes on thier floor (even though they supposedly did the clean up thing before bed, its amazing how those clothes creep out to party during the night), brush teeth, comb hair, wash face. None of this gets done without constant reminders from Yours Truly, and even then there is at least one child who cheats with the teeth/hair/face thing.

 

Lately, I've added cleaning up after dinner every night. They need to share all the duties until they can get it right, at which point I will have them do it 2-3 times each week. Its been two weeks now, with minor improvement.:glare: However, I refuse to help other than to explain what was missed and how to do it correctly. One child is decidedly better at identifying things that need to be addressed than the other.

 

Occasionally, they help fold laundry and vacuum when I need them to. I'm to the point now where I don't even secretly refold the towels (that's not to say they are any better than when they did them 2 years ago, its just that I really don't give a fig anymore). Dd does a fine, thorough job cleaning the bathroom and I will have her do this to earn extra $.

[Aggie]

Sorry about your hip!

 

Our dc do a lot. But it takes a lot to keep our house running well.

 

Dd13 takes care of the dairy goats, her bee hives, helps with laundry, folds clothes when needed, takes the trash out on trash days, and dusts.

 

Dd12 helps with goats, vacuums, cleans up after meals, folds laundry, and takes out the trash.

 

Ds8 feeds dogs, sweeps up the piles of dirt that I sweep up, helps with folding laundry, empties part of the dishwasher, and takes out the compost items.

 

About once a day, I'll look around and say, "Quick 5 min clean up" and they know to find *something* to do to clean up. This didn't happen automatically, but I've taught them what I like done and to what standard. My kitchen sink doesn't need to be scrubbed every day, but dds should know at what point it needs it, ya know?

 

My dc are motivated, though. They are each involved in at least 2 outside activities. There is NO WAY I can (or want to) keep the house, cook (and I use this term loosely!), educate dc, and get them hither and yon for their events. If I'm too tired from school and housekeeping to drive, then they don't go anywhere.

 

Hornblower is right, too.....I've just resigned myself to the fact that I'll be reminding dc to help because their standards for *clean* are so low!

 

hth!

[SonshineLearner]

Wow, My goal is to have a self cleaning house. Until then, the 17 yr old is responsible to do all the laundry, as far as folding and putting away. She also throws in laundry when she's "folding and putting away." I figure that if she's going to live here thru Community College, it's a chore she can do on her own time. She also helps with dinner dishes each night.

14 year old helps with 6 year old's toys... and does things like clean the back room (familyish room) or front room...

11 year old empties the dishwasher almost each time.... Loads with a few pouts... sometimes... And, can clean the bathrooms in a "tidy" up fashion.

6 year old can obey. Pick up such and such toys... (all your stuffed animals...) or tinker toys... etc..

 

I know someone with 7 children, oldest 8, who has their children do a multitude of daily chores. Popping in Laundry, folding, putting in front of the spot where it needs to go, straightening, rooms cleaned... beds made... (and sheets, too... when it's needed)

She has a morning chore chart and an m&m on each chore for when it's done... (Or at least something like that)

Carrie:-)

[hsmamainva]

My 18yo is still at home (while taking classes at the community college). She is responsible for feeding and caring for the cat and her litter box, keeping her bedroom clean, doing her own laundry, fixing her lunches to take to school, and helping with babysitting (our youngest has autism and she's very good about taking care of her when we have errands to run or just need a night out). She also gives piano lessons to her 10yo brother every week, cleans all 4 bathrooms every week, and mows the lawn during the spring & summer.

 

My 15yo loads and unloads the dishwasher, picks up the playroom, does his own laundry, takes out the trash, makes lunches during the school week, and keeps his own room clean. He's also responsible for keeping the yard free of toys and sticks, etc,. when it's time for mowing the lawn.

 

My 10yo sweeps the floors, feeds the dogs, makes breakfasts in the morning during the school week, and keeps his own room clean.

 

My 7yo loves to dust. That's what she likes to do! She also likes to take clothes and towels out of the dryer and fold them.

[Quad Shot Academy]

We have two general cleanings in our routine each day. It goes right along with hygine. There are built in "rewards" so they don't forget to do them. Since your kids are older than mine, I will just tell you what the two oldest do.

 

Morning:

look for any toys, books, kid clutter that is out and put it away (entire house and bedroom)

brush teeth, hair, nails, get dressed

Reward: if you finish before 9 am, you get playtime before school

 

After school chores:

put away all schooling items

son vacuums all main floor carpeted areas one day and does a quick wipe of two bathrooms the next day

daughter empties dishwasher whenever needed and vacuums kitchen floor

Reward: you get your after school snack and playtime when done

 

Evening:

look for any toys, books, kid clutter that is out and put it away (entire house and bedroom)

brush teeth, nails, put on PJs

Reward: reading, coloring in bed

 

We also have a major chores list. I wrote all of the chores I can think of for the whole family and wrote names by each chore for who can do them. They do 1 major chore: each weekend day, if they are late for school, being lazy about something, or if we are cleaning for company to come over. I mark the chore off as they do them and once all chores are completed, I print a new list.

 

(Some ideas: emptying bathroom trash cans; wiping down cabinets, doors, walls and banisters; feather dusting; organizing play areas, game closet, shoe shelves, bedroom closets; sweeping porches, garage, driveway and sidewalk)

[gingersmom]

I didn't grow up doing "chores". My mother was a cleaning freak plus we had a cleaning person in 3 days/week when I was younger and once a week when I was older.

 

My kids are now 10 and 13 and they help me clean up/keep clean because I tell them it is our house and we are all in this together.

 

My 13 year old gladly helps with the laundry and my 10 year old loves to cook. He also gladly helps me set the table and he loves to vacuum (since he was little actually).

 

Every time I hear of "chores" I always think of hired help.

[tenoraddict]

I don't want to give anyone more mandatory chores, so when we are out, and they want to buy something, I make them pay me back with extra cleaning. I pay $10 per room which includes vacuuming and carpet cleaning or mopping.

I LOVE this! Thanks for the GREAT idea!! :)

 

As far as self motivation to do chores I think that comes with wanting a clean place. I like to have a clutter free and clean house, but my DH and kids simply do not care. So if it were up to them, including DH, nothing would get done and we would live in a disgusting house.

I can totally relate to this, and what I've tried to communicate to my family is that what is important to one family member should be important to others - think of it as a way of showing love to each other. ("Mommy shows you love by ...(fill in the blank)...and this is how you can show love to me.")

 

Lisa, you need help! I'm not suggesting sending them on a guilt trip, but tell them about the pain you're in. Remind them of how you care for them when they're not feeling well. It would be best to have a conversation with DH first, and have him give them the Let's Help Mommy Feel Better Pep Talk if he's amenable to that. That way, it's not you nagging them, but him encouraging them. It sometimes bothers me that I have to point this kind of thing out to my DH, but men often just don't get it and we have to tell them what we need. I think they'd generally much rather have us tell them than try to guess.

 

I've found that my kids live up to my expectations...so if I don't think they're capable of something, they won't be. I taught ds12 and ds 10 to do laundry this summer. They (also ds7) have to dust and vacuum their rooms, set and clear the table, load and unload the dishwasher, clean their bathroom and the 1/2 bath downstairs, mow the lawn (not the 7yo). They spread mulch in the spring and rake leaves in the fall.

 

My kids don't get to play if their designated chores aren't completed. They miss out on playdates, etc, if they shirk their responsibilities. If they argue with each other a lot on a given day, they have to complete an extra chore together to foster teamwork and cooperation. If they continue to argue doing that chore, they do more together until they can get along. Continuing to remind them to do their chores (and I do it, too, more often than I'd like) is not helping them learn to take responsibility for themselves. If you're going to remind them, there's no motivation for them to remember. It's one of those consistent discipline issues that's very painful but can have great rewards. Ours respond to the punishment fitting the crime: Ds10 would never practice piano on his own...until we started making him pay for the lesson if his teacher said he wasn't prepared for it. Our ds7 doesn't think he should have to do chores (including even picking up after himself), so our issue with him is teaching him to do chores with a good attitude. When he complained the last time about picking up, I told him that he didn't have to, and I did it for him. I picked up the toys and gave some of them away and gave him the option to buy back some of the special ones. Since then, he's had a much better attitude about cleaning his room!

 

About 6 weeks into this school year, our house was a disaster because I couldn't get to the all of the things that needed to be done and the kids left all of their school stuff all over the place, and DH had become particularly sloppy. I declared a Cleaning Day one Wednesday (with the support of DH) and instead of school, we cleaned really well. The catch was that they had to make up the school work by Sunday...and DH did the teaching. So when they were doing Saturday school, I was out with a friend. Things haven't been perfect since then, but they've been better because no one wants Saturday school again (except me ;))!

 

I don't know if your budget can support this, but you might want to consider hiring someone to REALLY clean the nitty-gritty a few times each year...things you can't get to on a regular basis or because you're not feeling well enough to do it. I'm a firm believer in family chores and children learning to care for a home, but it has done wonders for my psyche the few times I've paid for someone to clean for me...just knowing my whole house was really clean.

[AngieW in Texas]

My mother was a neat freak. She did everything. Nothing ever sat anywhere for any length of time. If you put your cup down to pick up your fork and knife to eat, the cup was in the dishwasher before you could grab it back. The same with the fork and knife. You learned to just eat and then just drink, because anything you let go of ended up in the dishwasher. Every surface in the house was swept/mopped or vacuumed or dusted every day. My dh's mother was the same way.

 

Dh and I are slobs as are our kids. Our house is not a showroom. It isn't a pit either though. 16yo does dishes Sat-Mon, 11yo Tue-Wed, 14yo Thu-Fri. Aside from that we do a whole-house cleanup on Sundays. Each of the kids takes care of her own room and bathroom (11yo and 14yo share a bathroom). 11yo and 14yo also do a full clean of the guinea pig cages on Sundays. They each have a common area to take care of too: 16yo does the kitchen, 14yo does downstairs living room, 11yo does upstairs living room.

 

So our house looks great on Sunday evening, but deteriorates during the week.

 

I do all the laundry because I actually like doing laundry, but the kids do have to bring their laundry to the laundry room and take it back to their rooms after I've finished folding it.

[rafiki]

.

[Chris in VA]

We used to have a couple of hours of cleaning time as a family on Saturday mornings. Dh would crank up The Beatles and we'd all pitch in.

Chores became a huge bone of contention as ds18 rebelled, around 13 or so.

 

Currently, he does his own laundry and keeps his room however he wants to. (He's been doing his own laundry since he was 9). He pitches in with dishes, and takes out the garbage and the newspapers as needed.

 

Dd folds her own laundry and puts it away, makes and changes her bed, dusts and declutters, cleans the bathroom (not the tub), takes out the trash around the house once a week, washes the sliding glass door in the den, cleans her room, changes the cat box and the gerbil cage as needed, sweeps the stairs (both sets), gets the dog hair off the chairs in the living room (and feeds the dog), whew! I think that's it. The boys used to do that much, too, but we dropped some chores as we "picked our battles."

 

My eldest did a lot without being asked in "exchange" for being homeschooled. I scheduled chores for him on his white board, same place I wrote his daily assignments, until he was in 11th grade; after that, I found he was taking enough responsibility for house cleaning on his own and so stopped writing down stuff.

[elise1mds]

My 4-yo girl and 7-yo boy do quite a bit around here, and I'm not afraid to ask. Their mandatory chores include picking up all their toys each day, keeping their rooms clean, putting the clean dishes away, folding and putting away their own laundry, making their beds each morning, taking their dishes to the kitchen after meals, and helping clean out their animals' cages (DD has a gerbil, and DS has an anole and fish). Chores that they do regularly but are not mandatory include setting the table for meals, helping fix the meals, cleaning the bathroom, and any other niggly little thing that I find that needs to be done.

 

I am not a clean freak, but I do like a tidy house. My DH grew up with a total slob for a mother (she'll happily admit it, so I can say that without guilt - every inch of me still wants to take industrial-sized containers of 409 and Comet and a few hundred rolls of paper towels to her house, though), so he had to be taught to understand what clean was. I taught him a long time ago, but he'd conveniently forgotten for a few years so I had to remind him in no uncertain terms how busy I am and that I am not going to keep up with it all while he sits on his backside. He's started helping, too, usually just with dishes and trash, but it's a start.

[Laura Corin]

In addition to the tasks you mention, my Calvin is in charge of dividing and folding all the family laundry. Hobbes empties all the household bins and takes the big bin out to the road (and back). Both look after the dog when asked.

 

Laura

[MamaT]

We have tidy-up chores every morning before school so that we start the day with a neat house. They are also responsible for making sure their rooms and neat and tidy in the mornings.

 

All four also have a weekly chore. This is something that only needs to be done once a month (cleaning the sunroom windows, cleaning all the ceiiling fans, cleaning baseboards, etc.). They have all week to get this done as long as its done by Friday at dinnertime.

 

I do all the laundry and cooking just because it's easier for me to do it that way.

 

On Saturdays we all pitch in and clean the house really well. My 16yo helps with the outside chores as well. In the summer this means mowing 5 acres.

 

My 23yo is going to school and working full-time so he doesn't get to do much to help around the house, except keeping his own things picked up. He does wash all our vehicles on the weekend.

[Kathleen in VA]

Ds22 and Ds21 work full time; Dh works two jobs. These three keep the yard tidy, clean out gutters, deal with the water filter and air filter (both in the crawl space) and occasionally - very occasionally - vacuum or help with dishes. If a big job comes up, they are the ones to tackle it.

 

Dd17 keeps her room clean, helps fold laundry, has the main responsibility for keeping the kitchen clean but gets help from Ds13 and Dd10 several times a week if she's extra busy (She has a full high school load and works part time). She also makes dinner from time to time.

 

Ds13 cleans both bathrooms top-to-bottom weekly, sorts the wash from various bedroom hampers and takes it to the laundry area, switches loads from washer to dryer and helps fold, deals with dog messes, vacuums the main living areas a few times a week, collects trash twice a week from all the wastebaskets, takes trash out and takes the trash can to end of driveway on "trash days."

 

Dd10 helps sort laundry, puts trash can liners in baskets, dusts furniture, helps fold laundry and takes folded clothes to their respective rooms, pairs all the clean socks, helps with dishes periodically, and keeps the kids' bathroom neat between scrubs. She's my little "gopher" and helps get things that are in the lower cabinets for me and greases pans or fetches things around the house.

 

They all help with clutter control when necessary.

 

I am very blessed to have extremely helpful children and I attribute a lot of that to my Dh. He cleans doctors' offices at night and all my children have helped him a lot over the years. They think of it as an adventure and a treat since he usually takes them to McDonalds for a McFlurry or something after they are done. The two oldest are able to take over for him completely when he is sick or just needs their help. When he was taking his dad to chemo and other doctor's appts. the boys pitched in a lot. When his dad died this past summer they filled in when he needed to spend time making the funeral arrangements and just being with his mom. When he was in the hospital a few years ago all of us cleaned for him daily for several months. I think they have learned from cleaning offices that cleaning is a necessary and important job so that mentality just transferred over to our house.

 

I have a bad back (2 surgeries and 6 screws in in my spine) so they all know that if they want to live in a clean, orderly house (and, thankfully, they do) I need their help big time. Dh has trained them on how to do the jobs and they feel like they are doing something important (which they are) when they clean our house.

 

I do not keep a certain cleaning schedule. We have piano students here once a week so the main cleaning gets done the morning before they arrive. If we have other guests on other days, the house gets another "run through." If not, we make an effort to get it tidy the day before dad's day off so he can spend his day in a neat environment. (He has rotating days off so it is different each week). I've never paid my children to do chores - it's part of living here.

 

Also, when the two oldest were much younger (starting at about 6yo), I spent a lot of time out of commission with difficult pregnancies and back problems. They learned then how to clean the whole house thoroughly, keep up with the laundry and even made dinner (very simple meals) and did the dishes. If I hadn't had physical ailments I probably would have spoiled them and not demanded so much, but our circumstances did not allow that. They are now very responsible, helpful adults who jump in and help where ever they are needed. I think God used this situation to mature them and develop a strong sense of making themselves useful where ever they go. The others are following in their footsteps.

[The Girls' Mom]

My kids are the same age as yours and they can do it all....doesn't mean they do though.

 

I have a rotating chore list. On it are Laundry, dinner help, dishes, kitchen clean up, vacuuming, dusting, bathrooms, bedrooms, trash and general pick up.

 

They are learning how to cook, and they are responsible for making their own lunches and breakfasts.

 

My goal for them is to know how to take care of their home when they leave mine.

 

I do have to remind them daily. They will shirk the duty as long as I let them slide :tongue_smilie:

[dirty ethel rackham]

Here is our plan for our 3 kids (16, 13, 9.) Notice that I said "plan."

 

Morning routine for all 3:

breakfast

empty dishwasher

load dishwasher

make beds

brush teeth/hair/wash face

pick up bedrooms

bring laundry down and sort it (including mine)

1 daily chore (sweep floor, wipe down one of the bathrooms, swiffer the hardwood floors)

 

Then, theoretically, we do a 5 minute tidy of the school areas, but this has not been happening this year because my oldest has a class once a week that starts at 8am.

 

Midday chores:

prepare lunch or clean up from lunch

load dishwasher

wipe down counters and sink

finish any chores from the morning

 

After School chores (theses aren't happening much because they never seem to be done;)):

bring work for mom to check

pick up school work area

have a snack

put laundry away

take care of garbage

start dinner prep

 

dinnertime

set table

clear table

load dishwasher

handwash extra dishes

wipe down counters and table

sweep if it looks bad:)

 

Before bed

10 minute house tidy

brush teeth/wash face

prayers

 

Now, this is theoretical - not all of this happens or happens everyday. Partly because we have afternoon activities that mess up the schedule and partly because I have not been good about enforcing the routine. On weekends, they often help their dad with things around the yard and with the cars.

[Stacy in NJ]

In addition to daily things like making their beds and taking out garbage and emptying the dishwasher, twice a week, on the days we aren't out of the house for activities, my guys get a chore list with things like: vaccum the carpets, vacuum the hardwood, mop, wipe down the bathrooms, wipe down the kitchen, put away laundry........

 

I agree with a chore list organized in a way that suits your schedule and their abilities.

[Pretty in Pink]

Well, I think children generally have to be told. and reminded. and once again. to get their chores done.

 

That said, my boys do the following:

 

11yo: Empties and loads dishwasher, tidies counters, and wipes down surfaces in the kitchen nightly following dinner; responsible for cleaning his own room each Sunday; all trash; tidies his table after school each day; puts away own laundry.

 

6yo: Sweeps kitchen floor nightly; feeds and waters the dog; responsible for cleaning his own room (shared with 3yo) each Sunday; tidies his table after school each day; helps me carry and swap around laundry; puts away his own socks and undies; helps older brother with trash

 

3yo: Wipes cupboards and fridge down nightly after supper; helps clean his own room each Sunday; tidies the living room floor each day after school; helps me carry and swap around laundry; puts away his own socks and undies; helps older brother with trash

 

The three boys also work together on Saturday or Sunday to:

 

Clean up the garage (park bikes, put away stray toys, sweep floor, etc.)

Clean up after the dog

Clean any toys, papers, sticks, etc. from the landscaping, and pull any stray weeds

Clean stray toys, papers, etc. out of the minivan