Tell me about when "lovies" go away (blankies, softies, stuffies, cuddlers)

[BikeBookBread]

My almost 6 yo has had a little square blanket that she has chosen to be her "lovey"; she calls it "softie". You know how these things go: she sleeps with it, plays with it, holds it during school. Sucks her thumb with it :glare: (that's another discussion, I think). One time two years ago, we thought we had lost it in Costco (I was secretly rejoicing) but I made a honest effort to find it, and we DID find it. :001_unsure:

 

So now it is falling apart almost before our eyes. What used to be an 18" square is now a rag that's more hole than whole. Soon there will be nothing left (it was knit out of that "cozy chic" material -- it's one of those "Barefoot Dreams" brand blankets. There's no way to repair it...)

 

Have any of your children made the transition to "no lovey" smoothly?

Edited November 5, 2009 by BikeBookBread

[NorthwestMom]

It will go away pretty soon. I beg you not to force it. I still remember my best friend and I coming home from first grade to find her mother had sewn her lovey into a cloth doll. She was devastated and I was appalled that her mother would betray her that way. You know, I never see kids older than 7 or 8 with loveys - it is almost time. Maybe you could ask her to leave it on her bed when it's time to leave the house?

[BikeBookBread]

It will go away pretty soon. I beg you not to force it. I still remember my best friend and I coming home from first grade to find her mother had sewn her lovey into a cloth doll. She was devastated and I was appalled that her mother would betray her that way. You know, I never see kids older than 7 or 8 with loveys - it is almost time. Maybe you could ask her to leave it on her bed when it's time to leave the house?

 

I know how important they are. DH threatened to hasten the process...and I think he may have :glare:, but we are committed to letting HER be the one to be done with it. I know lovies are important. I had a blue blankie. LLL had her sassy (pacifier) but gave it up before she turned three. DH had his own thing. I just want to make it easier for her...she can get wrapped around the axle so easily at time, and I don't want this to go badly. It is truly on its last legs. I daren't wash it...it'll disintegrate, and it smells AWFUL.

[Guest Cindie2dds]

My almost 6 yo has had a little square blanket that she has chosen to be her "lovey"; she calls it "softie". You know how these things go: she sleeps with it, plays with it, holds it during school. Sucks her thumb with it :glare: (that's another discussion, I think). One time two years ago, we thought we had lost it in Costco (I was secretly rejoicing) but I made a honest effort to find it, and we DID find it. :001_unsure:

 

So now it is falling apart almost before our eyes. What used to be an 18" square is now a rag that's more hole than whole. Soon there will be nothing left (it was knit out of that "cozy chic" material -- it's one of those "Barefoot Dreams" brand blankets. There's no way to repair it...)

 

Have any of your children made the transition to "no lovey" smoothly?

:lurk5:

 

Don't know. I'm right there with you! My 3 year old has her "lovey" and my almost 6 year old has pink blanket and they take them everywhere! :lol:

[Daisy]

My 7.5yo still sleeps with his blankie. My daughter gave up her super special baby blankie at about 6 or 7yo. My thoughts...

 

1. First stage. (Blanket, lovie gets resigned to bedtime only) "Blankie is getting really loved on and I'm afraid if I have to keep washing it so often, it will fall apart. Blankie really needs to stay on your bed. If you feel sad and want blankie, you can hold him on your bed." (This is where my son is at).

 

2. Second stage. (Tucked away but still near). "Blankie is getting old. What do you think about us making a special pocket for blankie to fold up and slide into. That way you can still peek at it and use it as a pillow if you want?" I had my children help me make a pillow out of fleece and they put the blanket inside. (Eventually, my daughter was happy to give it me to put in with her baby book things. She still loves it but knows it is "safe" there.)

3. Third stage. (An acceptable substitute, if necessary). My daughter just wanted the silky softness to rub against her face at night. So I found one of my small silk scarves and let her try that. It smelled like me and was soft. I still very occasionally see her tuck it inside her purse if we are going for a trip somewhere so I know she still has it occasionally. It is small enough and a common enough object not to embarrass her though.

 

I do not see it as a big deal at all. I had my blanket. I just found it soothing. I wouldn't take it away until they are ready, but I do gently try to move them to the next level. Heck, as a grown up, I still love my blankets and a cup of hot tea. LOL.

Edited November 5, 2009 by Daisy

[EmilyK]

I guess my thought is to have things fade away in importance on the kid's schedule. I suppose part of the problem is it sounds like yours is disintegrating and is carried everywhere. I haven't had that, but my kids at 11 and 7 still have favorite blankets and stuffed animals to sleep with. I used to worry a bit until I realized how many adults I know with odd sleep routines, habits etc and then I changed to feeling maybe we all need a little reassurance sometime.

 

Now if only I had something to make my day all better. :001_smile:

[Mom-ninja.]

You know, I never see kids older than 7 or 8 with loveys -

 

Then you have not met my sil. She had a lovey until she was 21 and had a baby. Then she decided that since she was a mother she shouldn't have a lovey anymore. I am not kidding. When one blanket was worn out she would get another one. She did not take it to school, but the second she came home she grabbed it. When she was in college, and I was at my in-laws house, she came home, could not find it, and went beserk. She freaked until she found. She had it with her on her wedding day. She pulled a piece of yarn from it and put in under her dress. She took it on her honeymoon. I kid you not.

 

Needless to say she does not represent the norm!

 

OP, I would not worry about it. Your dd will eventually outgrow her lovey. :001_smile:

[Pippen]

II just want to make it easier for her...she can get wrapped around the axle so easily at time, and I don't want this to go badly. It is truly on its last legs. I daren't wash it...it'll disintegrate, and it smells AWFUL.

 

At age 6, I'd wash it. If you wash it and it disintegrates, then it's a natural outcome instead of a decision that's being forced on her by you.

 

If you can't bring yourself to do that, try in bed and/or at bedtime only.

 

All of my kids used pacifiers and none of the tips I found for cutting back worked and in the end I had to go cold turkey. They all lived. All three had one bad week and then it was over forever.

[i.love.lucy]

We have "raggies". They were originally cloth diapers that were trimmed in satin blanket edging and I used them for each child as a burp cloth that eventually became a lovey. They each started with 12 that were identical so we never had the worry of losing them. (I still make them for friends as my favorite baby gift)

 

My dd is 9 and still sleeps with hers - she still has 6 or 7 of them - and her favorite stuffed purple frog. It's just stayed in her bed since she was about 5. My 5yo son is down to 2 and still likes to carry his around sometimes. I tuck it in my purse if we are going to the doctor, and times when he might be tired or stressed or if I want him to sleep in the car.

 

I would ask her to keep it tucked in her bed so that it's "safe" all day and encourage her that she can go check on it when she wants to, but it's time to keep it in her bed. Most kids I know will transition to this pretty well if they know they can go check on it during the day if they need to. Then they will need to less and less.

[elegantlion]

My son would die of embarrassment if he knew I was posting this. He's 12 and still has his small navy blue fleece blanket that I bought before he was born. He sleeps with it and it goes on road trips. I think he was about 8 before we could go anywhere without it. It's worn and has a few holes but he loves it. I recently told him that when he goes to college I'll make it into a pillow and we'll patch the holes with some cool patches. No one will ever know it was a baby blanket. He was okay with that idea.

[babysparkler]

My dd7's "pink blankie" is nearly gone, but she has the final bits sewn into the tail of a stuffed elephant that is now her security friend :) I think she will end up taking it on her honeymoon someday :lol:.

[BikeBookBread]

Thanks everyone...I'm feeling SOOOO much better about this. I honestly could care less if she has her "softie"...I was just worried about the going away part. You've given me some good ideas...

[Jennifer in MI]

Can you put the "leftovers" inside a small pillowcase for her? That way she can have the lovie and reach in when she wants, but it will contain it for her.

 

I am an adult who still has my "lovie". Mine is a pink pillow that my mom made for me before I was born. It has holes in it, but I still sleep with it. It has been on every vacation with me. Yes, it came with me on our honeymoon. It's a huge comfort when I am sick. I had it with my when I was in labor. I rarely actually sleep on it anymore. But, it's always in my bed. I just love the way it feels against my fingers. I would absolutely cry (I mean the sobbing kind of crying) if I lost it. Seriously!!!`

[Joanne]

Not necessarily to the OP, but to the topic in general:

 

It sometimes helps to not take it *personally* or *defenisvely*. It's not uncommon for parents (often moms) to feel the existence of a lovey = something they did wrong, they were inadequate or created an unfilled need.

 

Another help is to remove attachment of "maturity" or "value judgements" on it. In western culture, we attach so much value to symbols of growth and maturity. But, in reality, there is nothing inherently "good" or "bad" about a lovey at any age.

 

I'd make sure that the child has many appropriate connections to people. At certain ages, I'd make it the child's responsibility to deal with their lovey in terms of coming and going, I'd make sure they allow me to have access to clean it, and I'd let it "go".

[dirty ethel rackham]

Dd9 has two blankies (I bought identical ones when she was a baby.) She still sleeps with them and takes them in the car for long trips. We did ask her to leave it at home when she graduated from the stroller (she used it to keep her legs warm in the stroller.) I don't ever plan to make her let it go. She will give it up when she is ready. My boys had blankies when they were her age. Ds13 used to hide his from me so I wouldn't know that he still slept with it. We eventually made the rule that they had to stay on the bed.

 

Funny story - when I was out of college and my sister was home from college for the summer, we were sitting in her room, chatting. I noticed that her hand was tucked under the covers. I asked what she was doing and she showed me that she was caressing the satin edge of the blanket. She has always insisted on blankets with a satin edge. She is now 42:).

[swellmomma]

My dd still has her blankie. THe only time it goes out of the house is when she is really sick or when she is going to sleep away from home. It is a winnie the pooh blanket she got as a baby. It does get washed weekly, so while it is faded after 10 years of use it is not disintigrated at all. Personally I don't see the big deal with a child having a comfort item. My ds6 also has a blankie that he loves very much. Again his does not leave the house usually, though when it does I do not allow him to take it out of the van. That rule is for all items of all children so it is nothing new. All items from home stay in the van while we do whatever it is we are doing.

 

Now that she is 6 you can tell her her lovey needs to stay home on her bed so it is ready when she gets home, but I would not take it away from her entirely.

[Tap]

First let me say that, even when they were falling apart lovies got washed at my house. Either by putting them in a pillow case, pinning it shut, and washing them in the regular machine. Or when they were the most fragile I would hand wash them in the sink.

 

Second, we did as other posters, and started keeping the lovie at home, then kept it in the bedroom. We allowed other things to go with us in the car to smooth the way. We eventually put it in a pillow case and it lives in the top of the closet. That way they can still get to them, but they are out of circulation.

 

When we started the process, I told the kids a week or two ahead of time that we were going to start with leaving the lovie at home, but that we would take something else with us. I also let them pick when we started. They liked being in control of the process. It progressed naturally from there.

[Lori C- Texas]

My ds6 has Yellow Bear. Yellow Bear still goes on trips with us and ds sleeps with him every night. But he is now getting to where he doesn't have to have him with him all day long. So, I am thinking he will just slowly wing himself off of his bear. I am not worried about it. When he is ready it will happen.

 

DH's Pooh bear is still in our closet!:) Pooh went to college with him and everything!:)

[Ellie]

I was very careful not to let older dd become attached to any lovies. I wasn't paying attention with younger dd, and she became attached to a blanket her grandmother made.

 

I didn't mind that dd dragged the blankie around the house with her, but it was not allowed out of the house. Ever.

 

When she was about 4, some friends stayed with us for a week, sleeping in dd's room so that dd slept with us. I noticed that during that week she hardly touched the blankie. Hm. So after the friends left, I continued letting dd sleep in our bed, probably for a couple of months. After she went back to her own bed, the blankie never came out again but stayed folded on her bed.

 

Which doesn't answer your question, lol.

[Tiff in TX]

I didn't read through all the responses, but I thought I would share how I got rid of my 'lovie'

 

Your DD may be too old for this, but when I was 4 my parents approached me and suggested that since Santa gives me such wonderful gifts, that it would be nice to give him a gift in return... something really special, ie my blue blanket.

 

I don't remember this, but my parents said it worked out great and I was really into the idea of wrapping up my gift for Santa. We set it out and it was gone the next morning.

 

Whatever you choose to do, I hope the transition goes smoothly!

[Tam101]

My daughter is 19 and at college, when we went to visit her she told me that she meant to ask me to bring "Shadow" her stuffed dog that she has had since she was two. She has "Cool Blankie" too that was in her crib, but she didn't ask for that. LOL The name Cool Blankie came about because the ribbon edging was cool to the touch and she would turn the blanket so she was always touching a cool edge.

 

My son still sleeps with his stuffed dolphin Swiggle on occasion, but even when he doesn't sleep with him he is sitting on the bedside table.

Edited November 5, 2009 by Tam101

[MamaT]

I have never taken their blankets away. My 10 and 11 yos still sleep with theirs. They never take it out of the house, and during the day it's there if they feel like they need it.

 

My 16yo keeps his between his bed and the wall. He never pulls it out, but he knows it there. :001_smile:

 

We went to visit my 2nd son during some training time for the Marine Corp in Virginia. He called and asked me to bring his blanket (he stayed in a hotel with us for the weekend). My big bad Marine needed his blanket!

 

I wouldn't take a comfort item from a child. I might tell her it had to stay at home, but if she loves it then let her have it.

[AuntieM]

I think it is different with each child, but I did have one sleep with his beloved stuffed beagle until about age 11. FWIW, he is the most "tactile" of all my kids.

 

ETA: My SIL made a pillowcase out of dear niece's lovie, that way she could take it to sleepovers and not get teased about it. I thought that was very clever of her.

[jenn-]

Can you put the "leftovers" inside a small pillowcase for her? That way she can have the lovie and reach in when she wants, but it will contain it for her.

 

I am an adult who still has my "lovie". Mine is a pink pillow that my mom made for me before I was born. It has holes in it, but I still sleep with it. It has been on every vacation with me. Yes, it came with me on our honeymoon. It's a huge comfort when I am sick. I had it with my when I was in labor. I rarely actually sleep on it anymore. But, it's always in my bed. I just love the way it feels against my fingers. I would absolutely cry (I mean the sobbing kind of crying) if I lost it. Seriously!!!`

 

Thank goodness I am not the only one. Mine is a Care Bear I have had since I was 4. My father made me give up my original lovey when I was 8. I replaced it with a bed full of stuffed animals. Slowly they weaned down to my favorite 3, and finally my favorite 1. Other than desiring a lovey in the bed at the age of 30, I think I am pretty mentally stable, so I say leave her her lovey. Ask her what she would like to do to preserve it.

[1bassoon]

This is a sweet thread!

 

I just watched the Producers last night - the original, with Gene Wilder - and I about split a seam over the "blue blankie" scenario!!!:001_smile: Classic.

 

From a house full of blankie lovers. . . . .