How do you tame the 'Mama Bear' instinct?

[cougarmom4]

So last night ds12 had a tackle football game...third game of the season. They have won the games 24-0, 19-0, and were winning 28-0 last night. My ds12 is not a natural athlete, isn't the best player by any stretch of the imagination...but lives & breathes football, remembers & knows all of the plays, has been to every single practice, works hard, and wants to play so badly. Admittedly, it is his first year of playing tackle and most of the kids have played previously on this same team. Last night, he didn't get put into the game until the last three minutes of the game...for one drive (he's been playing as 2nd string quarterback). The other two games it was similar--end of third quarter, a little in fourth quarter (these times as some offensive line position or something...).

 

I was SO mad! I'm sitting there the entire game watching my son stand there, looking at his coach, hoping beyond hope, that he gets played. And he was thrilled that he got to play one drive--four downs--as quarterback and give it a whirl. But I was so ticked off, I could hardly control myself.

 

I calmed myself down...then walked directly over to the coach and said: I'm just wondering what we can do to help my son so he can play for more than the last three minutes of the entire game. He said: Tell me his name, and I'll make sure he doesn't play at all the next game. I said: Are you kidding me? You were winning 28-0...and there is no way you could allow him to get into the game any earlier? What can we do here? He walked away.

 

Okay, the whole way home I was bawling, my son was upset, and I feel terrible because he may not get to play at all now. Ds of course just wants to be on the team and is excited they are winning and doesn't seem to care he never gets to go in. I guess that should be telling me to let it go, but it breaks my heart!

 

I am feeling the 'Mama Bear' instinct and can't believe that my son is being treated this way...and I want to take the bull by the horns and fix it. Not gonna happen, I know. Seriously, anything that I do will probably only make matters even worse than I've already done. But the priniciple of the matter is what is really getting to me! Dh says to just let it go and ds will learn from the situation. But how in the world is he supposed to get any better if they never let him play? It's like a catch-22...they'll only play him if they know he makes good plays; but he has no chance to get in there and try to make the good plays to show he can do it.

 

Okay, I'm not trying to be an obnoxious mom who thinks her son is perfect or even great at everything. As I already said, I know he's not the best player. If the game was a battle and the score was 14-10, I'd totally understand. But with a complete blow-out, how could it hurt if they rotated people out a little bit...and what if the score was only 21-7? They'd still win. And besides, isn't there more to playing than just winning? I'd rather my son be on a losing team and get to play than on the sidelines of a winning team. What is wrong with these dads who are so wrapped up into this game that they can't see beyond the win?

 

Alright, thanks for listening to me. I think I just had to get it all off my chest. I'm feeling badly that I might have screwed up my son's chance at ever getting to play. Here's my real reason for posting:

 

Has anyone else felt this 'Mama Bear' and do you have any tips on how I can control it? I'm not so sure I need to hear any of you tell me how wrong I was to go to the coach, I'm already regretting it & wishing it didn't happen! But if you have any ideas on what I should do from here, I'd love to hear them!

[Kelly in IL]

I think this is the hardest part of being a mom - wanting to "help" things turn out better for your kids! I have found again and again (unfortunately like you did) that it is better to let things play out on their own than to try to "fix" things. When we try to make things better, we rob our kids of the opportunity to find out how things turn out based on their behavior. Sometimes I literally have to get my husband to help me sit still or keep from opening my mouth, but try to remind yourself that it really is best for your kids to deal with these things alone!

[AuntieM]

Okay, now I am probably going to get pegged as sexist, so be it, I can duck tomatoes.

 

The football sidelines are a testosterone zone. They are not Mama Bear territory.

 

For one, at the end of the game, the coach is thinking of a million other things - stats, how to regroup for the next game, what practice will need to focus on for the next week, how to deal with boys who were injured, showed disrespect, played terribly, etc, etc, etc. So that's not a good time for anyone to approach him.

 

Second, it's a male dominated world. If you want your son to maintain the respect of his fellow team members, if anyone goes in to advocate for him it needs to be Dad, not Mom. And when I say advocate, I don't mean for more playing time, I mean for only very serious issues. I understand that there are single-mom circumstances sometimes and in that case I would just advise one to tread carefully. But not into the post-game huddle.

 

FWIW, I agree that by the time the team was 3 touchdowns ahead, the 2nd string QB should be playing. I also agree that the coach was indeed very rude to you. His comment was uncalled for. But you have no idea what he was thinking at that time. Maybe you were the fifth mad mama to approach him that night and he just snapped. Maybe he already had 6 parents and 11 players trying to tell him how to coach. I dunno.

 

Most of all, I know my *son* would be mortified if I tried to intervene in any way. There are good kids on the team who are infamous due to their meddling moms. You don't want your son to become known as one of those by his teammates. At 12 he is entering the "becoming a man" stage and needs to stand on his own. I think if he really wants more playing time, he needs to be the one to ask the coach how to earn it. The coach might be able to point out some skills he needs to work on specifically.

 

Yes, it's hard. No, it's not fair. But wow, what a life lesson. Let him enjoy it without your getting involved. He will grow in perseverence and character as a result.

[wagnfun]

Okay, now I am probably going to get pegged as sexist, so be it, I can duck tomatoes.

 

The football sidelines are a testosterone zone. They are not Mama Bear territory.

 

At 12 he is entering the "becoming a man" stage and needs to stand on his own. I think if he really wants more playing time, he needs to be the one to ask the coach how to earn it. The coach might be able to point out some skills he needs to work on specifically.

 

 

 

:iagree::iagree: 100%. At that age a player should go to his coach during practice and ask what he can do. It shows respect to the coach, and the coach will then respect the determination of the player. Its ok to scream, cry & freak out as a mama bear but in this case you have to do it in your bedroom behind closed doors and let your son step up a bit in becoming a man. I have a 13 yr old, I know it is NO fun.

[Samiam]

I agree with both sides, BUT I just have to say, the coach's response was SICKENING! My son has played sports for many years, and I am the Mama Bear type as well, and have had my run-ins with coaches. But that response, I am sorry, was just horrible. That's no way for any adult to act, regardless of the situation.

 

With that type of attitude, I doubt you will get anywhere with him. I mean, he could have placated you, and then did what he wanted during the game, but to say that...OMG, I would have FLIPPED out!!!

 

I guess, at this point, for you son's sake, you can either do two things. One, just forget about it, just be happy when your son is happy or, call/email the coach, apologize for approaching him right after the game, explain your feelings and see what his response is. If you get the same type of garbage back, then you know you just have to bite your tongue and get through the season.

[Chris in VA]

Agreeing that it needs to be your son who approaches the coach, but that the coach was basically a turd to you.

 

Your son can show he's ready by what he does in practice. And don't expect him to play all that much more unless the first stringer goes down.

 

Hugs--think of it as character building for both of you.

[LibraryLover]

OK. I think the coach was unkind and rude.

 

I would think about the bawling part. There is being a mama bear and then there is over-reacting.

 

Football. None of my kids have every played that one, but I would think it's a very different kind of game than xcountry or band, or bee hive soccer, which is more my experience. ;) Once, my dd came in almost dead last at a xcountry meet (she got cramps) and she was devastated. I felt sad for her because she keeps up her training schedule, and is a good runner, but these things do happen. If I had cried, it would have made the scene far worse than it was.

 

Plus, it happens sometimes that kids don't play very many minutes at times. Sometimes my dd plays a couple of quarters in soccer, and sometimes she plays just a couple of minutes. That's all part of sports.

Edited September 10, 2009 by LibraryLover

[FriedClams]

Okay, now I am probably going to get pegged as sexist, so be it, I can duck tomatoes.

 

The football sidelines are a testosterone zone. They are not Mama Bear territory.

 

For one, at the end of the game, the coach is thinking of a million other things - stats, how to regroup for the next game, what practice will need to focus on for the next week, how to deal with boys who were injured, showed disrespect, played terribly, etc, etc, etc. So that's not a good time for anyone to approach him.

 

Second, it's a male dominated world. If you want your son to maintain the respect of his fellow team members, if anyone goes in to advocate for him it needs to be Dad, not Mom. And when I say advocate, I don't mean for more playing time, I mean for only very serious issues. I understand that there are single-mom circumstances sometimes and in that case I would just advise one to tread carefully. But not into the post-game huddle.

 

FWIW, I agree that by the time the team was 3 touchdowns ahead, the 2nd string QB should be playing. I also agree that the coach was indeed very rude to you. His comment was uncalled for. But you have no idea what he was thinking at that time. Maybe you were the fifth mad mama to approach him that night and he just snapped. Maybe he already had 6 parents and 11 players trying to tell him how to coach. I dunno.

 

Most of all, I know my *son* would be mortified if I tried to intervene in any way. There are good kids on the team who are infamous due to their meddling moms. You don't want your son to become known as one of those by his teammates. At 12 he is entering the "becoming a man" stage and needs to stand on his own. I think if he really wants more playing time, he needs to be the one to ask the coach how to earn it. The coach might be able to point out some skills he needs to work on specifically.

 

Yes, it's hard. No, it's not fair. But wow, what a life lesson. Let him enjoy it without your getting involved. He will grow in perseverence and character as a result.

 

:iagree:

 

It's time to step back. If our sons are going to learn to be men, we need to let them take a few hits. Not playing is not a big hit. It's a great time to learn that not everyone gets to play every game. Often what's learned by being on a team has absolutely nothing to do with playing in a game. Those memories fade fast - the team and the coach and the work and the practices are what's remembered.

[PiCO]

The coach is an ass.

 

If I were in your place and I wanted my son to remain on the team, I would e-mail the coach an apology and never go anywhere near him again.

 

Good luck!

[ChristusG]

No matter what, there is absolutely no reason at all that the coach should have spoken to you in that manner. Is this a league? If so, I'd be talking to whomever is in charge of the league.

[phathui5]

He said: Tell me his name, and I'll make sure he doesn't play at all the next game.

 

You were butting in a bit there. I can see the coach being annoyed. It's his "turf," you know?

[OHGrandma]

You've got lots of good advice already.

How to calm the 'momma bear'? Remember that it's time for momma bear to back off now. Your baby bear is growing up, you've done a wonderful job teaching him how to be a team player, now it's time to let some of the daddy bears to take over. If you don't back off gradually now, he will resent you. That's not what you want.

My hardest point in backing off came when my son entered the Air Force, he was ready, but it was tough realizing our roles had changed. He was now an official protecter of me and every citizen. Boy was that tough! But it all starts in small steps, letting them be responsible for their own destiny in small steps -- like playing football.

[unsinkable]

"24 hour rule"

 

We've had coaches institute this --- wait 24 hours after a game to address any concerns to the coaches.

 

That being said, the coach is rude & his answer is uncalled for. If he thought you were overstepping, he could have told you he'd talk with your son about it.

[AuntieM]

I forgot to share my "coping" strategy with you.

 

I sit in the bleachers and cheer. REEEEEEAAAAAALLLYYYY LOUD!!!!

 

My son loves it (I was sure to ask him if it would embarass him). He and his teammates love to hear a loud crowd and that's the one thing I can do for him at game time.

 

Great ventilation ;)

[Danestress]

Starting at about this age, most sports programs are going to center around achievement. You might be able to find a league that doesn't, and if you can find a league that has firm rules about every kid getting to play a certain amount of time, that might be a good fit.

 

But otherwise, at about this age, your son will have to face that the better players play and the weaker players spend a lot of time on the bench. It has nothing to do with the feelings of the players. It generally doesn't change a lot when the score is up. That's not how athletes are trained to think. I used to think that if my kid was up 5-0 in tennis, he needed to go easy on the other kids and let him score a little. Apparently not:)

 

Every single child on that team will eventually learn that if you aren't one of the better players, you will sit on the bench. If they don't learn it now, they will learn it in high school. If they are the best in high school, they will learn it in college. If they are the college star, they will learn it in the NFL. Unless one of the kids on this team is going to be an NFL star, they ware going to learn to sit on the bench without complaint. Their mothers will hurt for them, but the coach won't play them to spare feelings, and a coach who is up 21 - 0 wants to get to 28-0. That how coaches are made.

 

So what to do with the Mama bear instincts? First, try to remember that sports are just a choice. You can choose to play or choose not to play. Our society values sports so much for boys in particular, but honestly, a kid can opt out of this if he wants. He can still exercise regularly. If he wants to play knowing that he might not get a lot of actual time on the field, then he's probably enjoying the training and the team environment or the coaching relationship. Encourage him to enjoy those things if that's where he is.

 

You can help your son. On one hand, you might help him improve at his sport. You also can encourage him to cope well with the reality of where he is right now as an athlete. Finally, you can project that you are okay with where he is - that you are happy to see his team play, that you aren't really wrapped up in him in particular playing, that it's just fun to be there. My kids are both in individual sports. It is *no fun* to watch a child play a 2 hour tennis match that is emotionally devastating to them. I am learning, though, to try to project, "For me, this is so fun. Whether you win or lose, it's just great to be there." Otherwise, he has the burden not only of losing but also of disappointing me.

 

I think the coach's response was a little rude but you know what? He probably has decided to use that line every single time a parent complains about how much time his kid got on the field, and I bet he deals with that complaint dozens of times every season. He made an impression on you and I bet you don't confront him on the sidelines again, which was his goal.

Edited September 10, 2009 by Danestress

[PineFarmMom]

You were butting in a bit there. I can see the coach being annoyed. It's his "turf," you know?

 

I disagree. She pays for him to be on the team and asked him kindly. He was completely rude in his response and has no right to respond to a concerned parent in that way.

 

I don't know the answer, but agree with those who encouraged you to have your son approach the coach about the matter rather than you. My only sports player right now is my 14yo dd, and I think her being a female would enable me and dh to step in if we felt we needed to. With boys that age, I don't know. I do have a df who has a boy in football at 12 and she stepped in to "encourage" the coach to be a better role model for the boys on his team. :) He took the advice and acted like a man about it. It seems your son's coach is not really grown up enough to be approached and handle it like the adult he is. :(

[kalanamak]

He said: Tell me his name, and I'll make sure he doesn't play at all the next game. I said: Are you kidding me? You were winning 28-0...and there is no way you could allow him to get into the game any earlier? What can we do here? He walked away.

 

 

What's that quote:

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important.

 

Consider the source and steer clear.

[jubulibee]

What's that quote:

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important.

 

Consider the source and steer clear.

 

:lol:

[Pink Fairy]

I think the 24-hour rule makes a lot of sense. The coach's response was rude and uncalled for, so he probably picked up on how upset you were, maybe by your tone of voice, and felt defensive. Obviously, you can't go back in time, but from now on when the mother bear instinct comes out, try waiting a day to address any nonemergency issues. (I'm going to file this advice away for myself, because I know that mother bear feeling all to well!)

[KingM]

This is the problem with organized sports after a certain age. It becomes overly competitive and a fair number of players are going to be sitting on the sidelines most of the time.

 

There are sports with higher participation rates that you might look into like cross country, swim team, or even tennis, where players are seeded and everyone gets at least one shot.

 

Football, basketball, or baseball? Make way for the coach's son and the gym rat.

[cougarmom4]

Thanks for the comments and advice, ladies. I learned a few things in this experience...yeah, I'll just grin and bear it from now on...and then let it all out in my closet in my bedroom. :tongue_smilie:

 

Ds just walked in from practice...the coach actually approached him afterwards and nicely talked things over with him. He said, "So, I understand you didn't get to play very much last night" and explained that the game wasn't going so well for awhile (um...I disagree, but that doesn't matter :glare:) so they weren't able to go to the second string. Then he said to make sure to come up during the game and say something if he hasn't gotten to play. Which is kind of what I was looking for...I felt like they had just forgotten him...but now ds knows how to handle it in the future.

 

So...I'm relieved that he's not taking out his frustration at me on ds. I still feel like I have lost all respect for the dude, but I'm just going to stay away from him and try to let it all go. And I still don't feel like what he's doing is 'right'...but it's just the way the system is, I suppose.

 

I'll just cheer on my boy...no matter what happens. (And I'll keep praying that he decides to stop football after this season!)

 

Thanks for listening, ya'll!

[cougarmom4]

This is the problem with organized sports after a certain age. It becomes overly competitive and a fair number of players are going to be sitting on the sidelines most of the time.

 

 

Football, basketball, or baseball? Make way for the coach's son and the gym rat.

 

:iagree: Yeah, it's apparent that we just jumped up a level in the competition...

[AuntieM]

This is the problem with organized sports after a certain age. It becomes overly competitive and a fair number of players are going to be sitting on the sidelines most of the time.

 

There are sports with higher participation rates that you might look into like cross country, swim team, or even tennis, where players are seeded and everyone gets at least one shot.

 

Football, basketball, or baseball? Make way for the coach's son and the gym rat.

 

 

Sometimes you can find just the right team... my son plays on the varsity team for a small Christian high school. The coaches are top-quality, NFL training experienced. But the team is very small, so my son - by far the runt of the litter - gets to play very much of the game.

 

Unfortunately, most opportunities are not that way. We were glad to find this team, it took some lookin and considering the other options. For those who have kids that want to play team sports, that are not super stars but still sturdy kids with perseverance, I would just like to recommend looking for those smaller team/smaller league opportunities.

[phathui5]

I disagree. She pays for him to be on the team and asked him kindly. He was completely rude in his response and has no right to respond to a concerned parent in that way.

 

I don't think that during the game was the time to talk to him though.

[Amy1k]

Ahhh...football....well, and baseball...:laugh: I try very hard to keep my mouth shut, even when I feel like punching coaches. They are, in most cases, doing the best they can. In football especially, they lose track of who has played and who hasn't. And, like someone else said, it doesn't matter HOW much they are winning, they want to win more. :hug:

[Amy1k]

And frankly, if your kid wants to play, it matters very little, I have learned, if you disagree with how it works. I have one son who is a starter, he plays WAY too much in my opinion and I'm concerned that he could get injured. And another who spends a great deal of time standing on the sidelines. Neither one of them agree with me that there is a problem. If they want to play, they have to learn to deal with the politics and craziness of the sport(s).

[lgm]

>>Then he said to make sure to come up during the game and say something if he hasn't gotten to play.

 

Oh, you're bringing back memories. Ds was on an instructional bball team in gr. 2. He had a pro on the team...gal whose parents had trained her to ask to play every time someone looked like they needed a break. She ended up playing every minute of every game, despite never coming to practice. Turned out she couldn't come..her travel indoor soccer team committments were at the same time. She was also redshirted..much taller and heavier than all the rest. The instructional part turned out to be a joke..she'd take the ball, charge, shoot, score and repeat. No one else got their hands on the ball during the game. They couldn't..she was head and shoulder taller and would just hold the ball over her head. By the end of season, we had found out from her parents comments just how willing they were to win...the girl was taking every camp and on every soccer and bball team she could get on, whether rec or travel. Every spare moment was learning to be aggressive and score. We had to pull a fast one to make sure we weren't on the same soccer team the next year. Ds hadn't played much the 3rd year he was on the same rec team as she and her clique were...so we got him off and on to a team with a coach that understood what developmental and team mean.

 

So... if you have no other options, I'd encourage you to find a camp and keep practicing at home in order to see skill improvement.

[unsinkable]

This is the problem with organized sports after a certain age. It becomes overly competitive and a fair number of players are going to be sitting on the sidelines most of the time.

 

There are sports with higher participation rates that you might look into like cross country, swim team, or even tennis, where players are seeded and everyone gets at least one shot.

 

Football, basketball, or baseball? Make way for the coach's son and the gym rat.

 

You're in Northern New England & you didn't add hockey to your list! :lol:

[lynn]

My son was treated like that when he played fb. He practiced just as hard as any other child on the team but would only be on the kick off team and watched from the side lines the rest of the game. But ya know he really was content watching his team mates. Broke my heart but it truly did not bother him. I had the last laugh though on a final overtime drive my son was on the line for the first down the kid to replace him on the rest of the downs did not get on the field fast enough so ds had to stay in his position and guess who made the tackle on the ball runner preventing the other team from scoring. It made up for the whole season:D

[SquirrellyMama]

You were butting in a bit there. I can see the coach being annoyed. It's his "turf," you know?

 

:iagree:I don't think the coach was unkind or unreasonable. He let you know how he felt and did it in a way where it probably won't happen again. If he placates a mom once, as someone suggested, don't you think he'll have to do it again.

 

I'm sorry you were hurt by it. I'm sure I would have been mortified to be talked at like that but I think it is a good lesson. I think I learned one by the question because now I know not to try to intervene in my son's sports.

[Only me]

I don't have any advice but I can definitely relate. I really feel that at times the coaches just don't realize what they are saying or doing. Two years ago my dh was the assistant coach for my middle daughter's basketball team. She was a decent player but probably just middle of the pack. Since this was a rec league the girls were supposed to play about equal time. My dh got all caught up in a game that he actually forgot to put my dd for most of the game. I was on the other side of the gym directly across from him. Even several of the other parents noticed it. It took all my strength to not call him on my cell phone and let him have it. She really wasn't one of the worst players (not that it should have mattered) but later he told me that he simply forgot about her.

 

Another problem is that the other girl who played while my dd sat was very vocal. If she sat out even for a minute she would be begging to be put back in. Sometimes it was difficult for the coaches to figure out who had just sat out, etc. This girl would actually lie and say that she just sat out when it was actually my dd. Since the head coach and my dh were too busy to notice they would just believe her and my dd wouldn't speak up. Dd learned a lesson after a few games and learned to speak up.

 

I also dealt with an unfair baseball coach a few years ago. Before the season even started the coach had picked his favorites and who would play the infield, etc. Since his son was a year older than my son he had his son and all of his friends playing the key spots. My son and about 3 others were always stuck in the outfield and had to sit on the bench more than anyone else. He could never remember my son's name and would constantly get him mixed up with another kid who unfortunately wasn't a very good player. The problem was in this league they had a rule that everyone had to play at least 2 innings in the infield and could only sit out two innings. The coach ignored the rule and I didn't want to speak up because I didn't want to cause problems for my son. It was frustrating because I knew that my son was a lot better than this coach thought.

 

Ironically my son played against that coach this year. It was the best game my son ever had. It was one of those games you only dream about. He made several great plays playing short stop including one barehanded play that everyone was shocked about. He did well pitching and he also had several great hits, especially when this coaches son was pitching. After the game the coach was telling my dh that my son should be on the travel league. He said that if my son didn't play travel league next year that he wanted my ds to play up to the next level so that he could be on his son's team. (His son is a year older and would be moving up to the next league) Pretty ironic since two years ago he couldn't even remember my son's name.

[unsinkable]

:iagree:I don't think the coach was unkind or unreasonable. He let you know how he felt and did it in a way where it probably won't happen again. If he placates a mom once, as someone suggested, don't you think he'll have to do it again.

 

I'm sorry you were hurt by it. I'm sure I would have been mortified to be talked at like that but I think it is a good lesson. I think I learned one by the question because now I know not to try to intervene in my son's sports.

 

I disagree. The coach was very unkind.

 

Part of a coach's job is to deal with parents. Part of a parent's job is to deal with coaches.

 

If you'd be mortified to be talked to that way, how do you think it's OK? :confused:

[unsinkable]

I don't have any advice but I can definitely relate. I really feel that at times the coaches just don't realize what they are saying or doing. Two years ago my dh was the assistant coach for my middle daughter's basketball team. She was a decent player but probably just middle of the pack. Since this was a rec league the girls were supposed to play about equal time. My dh got all caught up in a game that he actually forgot to put my dd for most of the game. I was on the other side of the gym directly across from him. Even several of the other parents noticed it. It took all my strength to not call him on my cell phone and let him have it. She really wasn't one of the worst players (not that it should have mattered) but later he told me that he simply forgot about her.

 

Another problem is that the other girl who played while my dd sat was very vocal. If she sat out even for a minute she would be begging to be put back in. Sometimes it was difficult for the coaches to figure out who had just sat out, etc. This girl would actually lie and say that she just sat out when it was actually my dd. Since the head coach and my dh were too busy to notice they would just believe her and my dd wouldn't speak up. Dd learned a lesson after a few games and learned to speak up.I also dealt with an unfair baseball coach a few years ago. Before the season even started the coach had picked his favorites and who would play the infield, etc. Since his son was a year older than my son he had his son and all of his friends playing the key spots. My son and about 3 others were always stuck in the outfield and had to sit on the bench more than anyone else. He could never remember my son's name and would constantly get him mixed up with another kid who unfortunately wasn't a very good player. The problem was in this league they had a rule that everyone had to play at least 2 innings in the infield and could only sit out two innings. The coach ignored the rule and I didn't want to speak up because I didn't want to cause problems for my son. It was frustrating because I knew that my son was a lot better than this coach thought.

 

Ironically my son played against that coach this year. It was the best game my son ever had. It was one of those games you only dream about. He made several great plays playing short stop including one barehanded play that everyone was shocked about. He did well pitching and he also had several great hits, especially when this coaches son was pitching. After the game the coach was telling my dh that my son should be on the travel league. He said that if my son didn't play travel league next year that he wanted my ds to play up to the next level so that he could be on his son's team. (His son is a year older and would be moving up to the next league) Pretty ironic since two years ago he couldn't even remember my son's name.

 

 

There should be a lesson for the liar, too. Like sitting a half. :glare:

[Remudamom]

Dang, what a chance for a comeback. How about "Show me which car is yours and I'll make sure you walk home tonight"......."Give me YOUR name and I'll make sure you don't coach the next game" Or just smile real big and say "I know where you live.....yes this is a threat.......and your problem with that is????"

 

What a jerk.

[cougarmom4]

Dang, what a chance for a comeback. How about "Show me which car is yours and I'll make sure you walk home tonight"......."Give me YOUR name and I'll make sure you don't coach the next game" Or just smile real big and say "I know where you live.....yes this is a threat.......and your problem with that is????"

 

What a jerk.

 

:D I love it. I wish I could have come up with something like that to say instead of standing there with my mouth wide open. Thanks for helping me laugh about it. I almost felt like I wanted to ram his truck with my minivan...My dh says we'll just wait til the season is over and egg his house. The mature mom that I am just hopes the quarterback sprains his wrist or suddenly has to move away to China.

 

Don't worry...I've taken the appropriate chill pill and will not get worked up about this anymore (well, I won't let anyone know I am!). It would be worse if my ds was upset and frustrated, but very surprisingly, he's not. I'm actually quite amazed that he's not. He said that night that he was just glad his friend (1st string qb) had such a great game with some awesome plays. So perhaps he's more mature than I am. :001_huh:

 

I do need to learn some coping skills so I can appear to be calm even though I'm not while I sit on the sidelines and cheer for the team...so if you have any suggestions, I'm listening.

[unsinkable]

:D I love it. I wish I could have come up with something like that to say instead of standing there with my mouth wide open. Thanks for helping me laugh about it. I almost felt like I wanted to ram his truck with my minivan...My dh says we'll just wait til the season is over and egg his house. The mature mom that I am just hopes the quarterback sprains his wrist or suddenly has to move away to China.

 

Don't worry...I've taken the appropriate chill pill and will not get worked up about this anymore (well, I won't let anyone know I am!). It would be worse if my ds was upset and frustrated, but very surprisingly, he's not. I'm actually quite amazed that he's not. He said that night that he was just glad his friend (1st string qb) had such a great game with some awesome plays. So perhaps he's more mature than I am. :001_huh:

 

I do need to learn some coping skills so I can appear to be calm even though I'm not while I sit on the sidelines and cheer for the team...so if you have any suggestions, I'm listening.

 

I say my rosary. I have a rosary that I keep for hockey games. Other sports don't get me as excited/anxious/angry.

[SquirrellyMama]

I disagree. The coach was very unkind.

 

Part of a coach's job is to deal with parents. Part of a parent's job is to deal with coaches.

 

If you'd be mortified to be talked to that way, how do you think it's OK? :confused:

 

I've been mortified by the truth more times than I can count. I'm easily mortified. :001_smile:

[kmacnchs]

So last night ds12 had a tackle football game...third game of the season. They have won the games 24-0, 19-0, and were winning 28-0 last night. My ds12 is not a natural athlete, isn't the best player by any stretch of the imagination...but lives & breathes football, remembers & knows all of the plays, has been to every single practice, works hard, and wants to play so badly. Admittedly, it is his first year of playing tackle and most of the kids have played previously on this same team. Last night, he didn't get put into the game until the last three minutes of the game...for one drive (he's been playing as 2nd string quarterback). The other two games it was similar--end of third quarter, a little in fourth quarter (these times as some offensive line position or something...).

 

I was SO mad! I'm sitting there the entire game watching my son stand there, looking at his coach, hoping beyond hope, that he gets played. And he was thrilled that he got to play one drive--four downs--as quarterback and give it a whirl. But I was so ticked off, I could hardly control myself.

 

I calmed myself down...then walked directly over to the coach and said: I'm just wondering what we can do to help my son so he can play for more than the last three minutes of the entire game. He said: Tell me his name, and I'll make sure he doesn't play at all the next game. I said: Are you kidding me? You were winning 28-0...and there is no way you could allow him to get into the game any earlier? What can we do here? He walked away.

 

Okay, the whole way home I was bawling, my son was upset, and I feel terrible because he may not get to play at all now. Ds of course just wants to be on the team and is excited they are winning and doesn't seem to care he never gets to go in. I guess that should be telling me to let it go, but it breaks my heart!

 

I am feeling the 'Mama Bear' instinct and can't believe that my son is being treated this way...and I want to take the bull by the horns and fix it. Not gonna happen, I know. Seriously, anything that I do will probably only make matters even worse than I've already done. But the priniciple of the matter is what is really getting to me! Dh says to just let it go and ds will learn from the situation. But how in the world is he supposed to get any better if they never let him play? It's like a catch-22...they'll only play him if they know he makes good plays; but he has no chance to get in there and try to make the good plays to show he can do it.

 

Okay, I'm not trying to be an obnoxious mom who thinks her son is perfect or even great at everything. As I already said, I know he's not the best player. If the game was a battle and the score was 14-10, I'd totally understand. But with a complete blow-out, how could it hurt if they rotated people out a little bit...and what if the score was only 21-7? They'd still win. And besides, isn't there more to playing than just winning? I'd rather my son be on a losing team and get to play than on the sidelines of a winning team. What is wrong with these dads who are so wrapped up into this game that they can't see beyond the win?

 

Alright, thanks for listening to me. I think I just had to get it all off my chest. I'm feeling badly that I might have screwed up my son's chance at ever getting to play. Here's my real reason for posting:

 

Has anyone else felt this 'Mama Bear' and do you have any tips on how I can control it? I'm not so sure I need to hear any of you tell me how wrong I was to go to the coach, I'm already regretting it & wishing it didn't happen! But if you have any ideas on what I should do from here, I'd love to hear them!

 

Speaking as a coach, I don't EVER want a player or a mom coming up to me asking for more playing time...if you wanted to ask what your son can do to improve, now that's another story, but after the game is still not the time to ask. Work on improving his skills and maybe he will be able to play later on. He seems young...is he one of the younger ones on the team? It will take awhile to learn the game, his position, etc. in order to earn a spot.