sahm99 Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I just had our fourth child - ds Henry - three days ago. We also have ds9, dd7, dd5...for us the perfect family... I just turned 35, dh is going to be 49 in November... We are DONE with having more children, and while I very much know, that because for a number of reasons, this is the only sensible thing to do, I still grieve not ever going through pregnancy and giving birth again...and that is with a newborn in my arms:001_huh:!!! Intellectually I feel okay, going towards a new stage in my life...emotionally it is eating me up... I feel so "un-done"...but then I know very well, that this feeling is very likely to always be there, even if I had had 10 kids...!!! So, please share with me, how you got over "being done"... Tell me what relieved you, what gave you peace... Remind me, that 35 for me and almost 49! for dh are good reasons to stop having children...! And please, give me reasons, for why 4 kids is just "perfect";)...! Thank you so much, for reading this whiny post...I feel guilty, as I know so well how blessed we are! Kay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 :grouphug: I don't have any advice, but I can say that for me, the feeling of loss faded as the baby grew. It wasn't until my youngest was older than two that I started to feel more at peace with being done (DH is DONE done, and I am mostly done). But when both of them were babies, if you'd asked me, I'd have told you I was ready to rival the Duggars for kids. Congratulations on your new little baby bundle! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I think it is natural to grieve a bit when you are kind of forced to be "done." With you having had a child 3 days ago, though, I wonder if some of your grief may be PPD related? It may be much different once this child is a bit older, hormones are back to normal, and you can look at things differently (then again, it may not change a thing). :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonflyAcademy Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I'm still sad about our decision to stop.. But the sadness is less now than it was a year ago when we made our decision. I cried through giving away all the baby clothes, baby carriers, baby gear.. For me, it has gotten easier over time.. hugs for you and congratulations on your new son!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I agree with being aware of your hormones being out of whack, and ppd. As for the grief of not having another child, I'm afraid I'm no help. I'm still mourning it. We had planned to have another child after I was done going back to school...but an assault by a resident at work has left me with a chronic pain disability, and minimal use of my dominant hand/arm. While I'm willing to go off all my current meds to have another baby, my husband is not willing to put me through that. He's said no more. The only way we'll have another is if God decrees it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 For me it was always the worst when the kids were young. It gets better but I always miss having a little one. I'm promoting early marriage for my children. I told ds if he waits until he's 40 I'll be 80 and not looking so young. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I remember grieving my last natural birth WHILE STILL PREGNANT with our daughter! My husband could not STAND to watch the pain I endured. I have a slight scoleosis (sp) which only causes me pain if I work too hard for too long in a day. When pregnant, I have lots of issues since we make VERY LARGE babies which cause me to have issues with the scoleosis and also sciatic nerve. Dh watched my legs give out on me more than once, or watched me bend over a grocery cart in pain as I walked through the store. During pregnancy with our daughter, he had tears in his eyes and said, "No more! I will NOT watch you suffer like this again!" and scheduled a vasectomy. I remember crying during that procedure but he promised we'd adopt if we wanted more. The adoption is what cured me for a time. I love my daughter but she has so many emotional problems (has an attachment disorder and was adopted from China at 14 months of age) that I was absolutely DONE with wanting more kids. It was so peaceful having that feeling. I had it for quite a few years and now I'm longing to adopt again. I've worked with mentally impaired kids and have always wanted to adopt one. I wanted to adopt a Downe's Syndrome baby but dh said he wasn't strong enough. It actually would have been so much easier. Anyway, I don't dare tell dh what i'm longing for - I know what his response will be. I keep it secret and will one day pray about it - that God remove this desire from my heart or put the desire in dh's heart. I'm not ready for that yet - I prayed and cried for FOUR YEARS for our first adoption. I'm 46 now and dh is 48 and when I think logically, I really don't think he'll hear of it. Besides, we're both SO tired. So I do understand and just want to offer :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sahm99 Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 Thank you for your replies! ...yes, I hope it will get easier with time...! I am quite sure, I am not dealing with PPD, as this feeling doesn't come as a surprise...actually I knew it was going to be there, as I am very aware of this being my last! DH was fine with two children, so FOUR is a lot for us!!! What is so weird, though, is that one part of me is fine with being done... I know, I wouldn't want to have a baby after 35... I know that dh is too old (in our opinion) to father another baby...we don't have the resources to provide in a way we want to, for more than four...our life is organized in a way, that we could not fit a fifth, sixth, etc. child...I will have my hands full, bringing up our four in the way we want to...I am looking forward to my "after-mommy-life" with dh...dh did a HUGE step towards having a family of four, and there is NO WAY he would ever consider having more, and, frankly, I would never ask him to... So, me being sad about moving on is just so unreasonabe, and I am trying to figure out how to find a more positive outlook and come to peace with what I know is right, and best for us... Thanks again for your replies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I have four children. I am 38, my husband will be 40 next month. We're done. *I* am done. I am not the happy pregnant woman and dealing with sleep deprivation only gets worse as I get older. We're finally free of diapers, after 7 1/2 years... There are times when I get that pang, though. Fortunately, I have a circle of young friends who are willing to supply me with a pretty steady stream of newborns to cuddle, with no diapers to wash and plenty of quality sleep. ;) I feel for you, though. The done-ness was sharper when the boys were younger. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OHGrandma Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Enjoy each step, try not to focus too much on how this will be your last, but how this is a precious moment now. The grief of this being your last infant will pass as you move into new stages of your life. Almost before you know it, grandbabies will come into your life. Rejoice in the fullness of your lives! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PameliaSue Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 My journey to being "done": I struggled with this for several years and it was definitely a process. When my second child was born a boy my husband and I had some thinking to do. Both of us come from a 2 child home and we had 2 dc. We both really wanted a little girl. I was also curious about what scripture said on the subject. Well then of course I came across all of the full quiver camps of belief. My husband and I discussed it and at the time decided to just leave it to God. Our birth control method was natural family planning. So it was an easy thing to let go further by just not practicing any method of birth control. Twenty months after #2 our little darling Olivia came. When #3 was around 1 1/2 I was ready to have another baby and wanted to actively try for one. My dh at that point in time said that he felt overwhelmed providing for a family of 5 and did not want another baby at the time. I was sad but respected his concern. The problem was that things were so uneven in the house. The 2 olders always arguing over whose turn it was to play with Olivia and my own concern that we were going to create a monster (lol) with the youngest the only girl and so doted upon. I explained my concern to my dh but he still wasn't ready for another baby. The month Olivia turned 2 my dh broke both his arms in a dirt bike accident and was home for 6 months. He got to see first hand how off balance the family chemistry was. So as soon as he went back to work we got pregnant with #4. My #4 pregnancy was a nightmare. I hurt my back, my #2 had some serious speech issues and life was just hard. I was really overwhelmed and revisiting my feelings on how many children I wanted. I wanted to be done but then would feel so sad and grieved I would question myself and even feel guilty like maybe I wasn't submitting to God's will for my life. Not to mention that my dh was D.O.N.E. and I had to be done too. A couple of months after #4 was born I was reading the Above Rubies Magazine, a support and encouragement ministry for allowing God to decide the number of children a family has, and one of the articles jumped out at me. It was by a woman that has 12 children and had entered menopause and was struggling with grief and depression because she was unlikely to have more children. It then struck me that this was NORMAL, no matter when I move beyond my fertility I am going to be sad and grieve. It is just one of the stages of life and the sadness and grief isn't an indicator of making the wrong decision regarding "being done". As my dh and I discussed my new found realization we also came to the bottom line that families like the Duggars have a specific calling and ministry that isn't any different than being a pastor or missionary. Everyone is not called to be a pastor or missionary or family of 21 and that is OK. It is natural for a woman to feel grief and experience a sense of loss when she moves beyond fertility. Once I had those bottom lines I had so much more peace with being done. My husband had a vasectomy a year ago and I was able to say, "I trust who I am now, my heart and motives now, to make this decision for the me I will be at 35 and 40." Will I be sad in 5 or 10 years? Probably, but I have peace. Not all of life's choices feel warm and fuzzy and just because they don't doesn't mean they aren't the right choice or are a "bad" or "wrong" choice. Blessings on you and your new baby!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I know how you are feeling too. I have 2 children with special needs. My son is severely Autistic and I KNOW that if I were to have another baby that I wouldn't be able to properly take care of my son as his needs for care are so great and stretch me to my limits already. I feel sad because I always wonder who I am missing and I sometimes long so much for another baby, but I know that it would be irresponsible of me if I did. I am grateful so much for the two that I have and that is what I focus on. It's natural to want more, but I have to remind myself to be content with what I have and appreciate and enjoy that. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistyJ Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 My youngest is 9. We were only able to have two, and have been unsuccessful trying to adopt. Still grieving. It always feels like someone is missing at the dinner table. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 ... It then struck me that this was NORMAL, no matter when I move beyond my fertility I am going to be sad and grieve. It is just one of the stages of life and the sadness and grief isn't an indicator of making the wrong decision regarding "being done". I think this is a really, really excellent point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PCA Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Congratulations on your sweet baby! I have actually had a little bit of what you are feeling with every birth. I think it is the hormones, dealing with the birthing process being over... But I can imagine it being more extreme if it were my last. As a side note, I also just turned 35 and had my 4th baby last year. We would love to have more! I dont think 35 is too old at all. Dont dwell on it right now, give yourself some time. Just enjoy your baby. You never know, you and your husband may change your mind and have another one in a year or 2! Or you may have a wonderful opportunity to adopt! Enjoy that baby! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I understand how you feel. Completely. Just yesterday I came across a post I wrote here nearly five years ago, when my baby was just that ~ a baby. From the time he was born, even before he was born in fact, I mourned over the passing of this season. Yes, despite my very difficult pregnancies, my c-sections, my inevitable mastitis while nursing, and my lack of Donna Reed patience in bringing up my children, I mourned and still mourn the fact that the childbearing years are behind me. Of course I know how blessed I am. Of course I realize each stage of life offers different opportunities, different joys and challenges. And yet I never get past the lump in my throat that occurs when I consider life without little people. Not because mine have all been angels, and again, not because I've been the ideal Mommy. I just...I have a lot of difficult things in my daily life and nothing soothes me as much as simply sitting with a small one, sharing a book and a cuddle. Nothing. I hate the thought of not having that. Then, too, there's the simple fact that we reach a stage in life wherein the standard highlights are behind us ~ starting school, finishing school, college degree, first job, marriage, first child, etc. I think it's very difficult for many women, even those of us who aren't necessarily "naturals" at mothering, to figure out how to move on to the next phase. I'm not helping, I know. I have to tell you in all honesty that the older my children get, the harder it is for me in some ways. Most people assured me that once Kai, my youngest, was older and more independent, I'd more readily let go of what was and embrace what is. I'm not there yet. I was going to share that post I wrote way back when, along with the myriad of wonderful replies, but you're getting so many thoughtful replies here already I'll leave it at this. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauracolumbus Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I, too, feel the same way. I have three and had my last at 41 and after that 2 miscarriages. I am now 47 and know I won't be having any more and it makes me sad. It does get better as the kids get older b/c I feel like we're at a different stage than when I was surrounded by baby stuff. I read an interview w/Princess Fergie once and she commented that she thought all women felt like they had one more baby in them, which is exactly how I feel. I would be so happy to have 4 kids--it's the perfect family in my mind. I do have friends that know they are done (some of these have many kids, others only 2). I don't think I will ever get over the feeling completely, but it has gotten easier. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysparkler Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 So, please share with me, how you got over "being done"... I'm still working on it 2 years after Dh's vastectomy... not even close to being "over it". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 We were lucky to have one. I had a year or so when I had to consider that I may not be able to have any children (we started late). So I felt very blessed to have my DD. She did have some minor birth defects (one related to spina bifida but with no spine involvement), so I was very happy that they were minor. I guess I've always looked on the bright side and never really spent much time mourning the fact I didn't have more. I think it is just my personality, just like some who have posted have felt this more intensely than others. I think it is very healthy to acknowledge that you feel this way. But if you feel it is consuming too much of your energy, you should talk to someone. Also if you have a really calling to be around babies, there are volunteer jobs in hospitals where they have people help out with babies that need held. Or there is being a foster parent. Or you could volunteer to babysit for young couples with newborns. There are lots of ways to be around babies without having a baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalgirl Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 My journey to being "done":I struggled with this for several years and it was definitely a process. When my second child was born a boy my husband and I had some thinking to do. Both of us come from a 2 child home and we had 2 dc. We both really wanted a little girl. I was also curious about what scripture said on the subject. Well then of course I came across all of the full quiver camps of belief. My husband and I discussed it and at the time decided to just leave it to God. Our birth control method was natural family planning. So it was an easy thing to let go further by just not practicing any method of birth control. Twenty months after #2 our little darling Olivia came. When #3 was around 1 1/2 I was ready to have another baby and wanted to actively try for one. My dh at that point in time said that he felt overwhelmed providing for a family of 5 and did not want another baby at the time. I was sad but respected his concern. The problem was that things were so uneven in the house. The 2 olders always arguing over whose turn it was to play with Olivia and my own concern that we were going to create a monster (lol) with the youngest the only girl and so doted upon. I explained my concern to my dh but he still wasn't ready for another baby. The month Olivia turned 2 my dh broke both his arms in a dirt bike accident and was home for 6 months. He got to see first hand how off balance the family chemistry was. So as soon as he went back to work we got pregnant with #4. My #4 pregnancy was a nightmare. I hurt my back, my #2 had some serious speech issues and life was just hard. I was really overwhelmed and revisiting my feelings on how many children I wanted. I wanted to be done but then would feel so sad and grieved I would question myself and even feel guilty like maybe I wasn't submitting to God's will for my life. Not to mention that my dh was D.O.N.E. and I had to be done too. A couple of months after #4 was born I was reading the Above Rubies Magazine, a support and encouragement ministry for allowing God to decide the number of children a family has, and one of the articles jumped out at me. It was by a woman that has 12 children and had entered menopause and was struggling with grief and depression because she was unlikely to have more children. It then struck me that this was NORMAL, no matter when I move beyond my fertility I am going to be sad and grieve. It is just one of the stages of life and the sadness and grief isn't an indicator of making the wrong decision regarding "being done". As my dh and I discussed my new found realization we also came to the bottom line that families like the Duggars have a specific calling and ministry that isn't any different than being a pastor or missionary. Everyone is not called to be a pastor or missionary or family of 21 and that is OK. It is natural for a woman to feel grief and experience a sense of loss when she moves beyond fertility. Once I had those bottom lines I had so much more peace with being done. My husband had a vasectomy a year ago and I was able to say, "I trust who I am now, my heart and motives now, to make this decision for the me I will be at 35 and 40." Will I be sad in 5 or 10 years? Probably, but I have peace. Not all of life's choices feel warm and fuzzy and just because they don't doesn't mean they aren't the right choice or are a "bad" or "wrong" choice. Blessings on you and your new baby!! I love this, but the part I bolded is especially powerful. I think too often we feel that the aching inside about being done is because we haven't had the "correct" number of children, but it takes reading something like that to realize that it is a feeling a woman will experience regardless of the number of children she has. Congratulations to you and your dh on your newest little one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenAL Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I went through the same thing & still do at times. We knew 4 kids were perfect for us. I knew during my last pregnancy that it would be my last (barring a miracle from God). I had moments during the pg that I grieved & I definitely grieved after baby was born. DH had a V when baby was about 8 months old. I was okay with it, but not okay with it all at the same time. DH never would have done it if I hadn't been on board & I knew in my heart it was the right thing. Although I loved being pregnant & having babies, I had complications with each pg & each one of my babies were born early. The baby is now 2.5 & while I still have my moments of sadness of not being able to have another one, I have enjoyed my baby so much more than I could with the first 3. He has been allowed to be a baby much longer than my other ones (ours babies are all right at 2 years apart). And to be honest, I am enjoying "the next chapter" of parenthood as the kids all get older. DH and I are planning a weekend getaway for our 10th anniversary this year. We've never done that & never would if there was always a young baby around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdeveson Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) I feel like a weirdo in this thread. I have never felt a need for children. I had my first child (27) when it seemed appropriate intellectually. I raised her and never thought about more children. When I remarried 11 years ago, I was not planning to have children. Nonetheless, I had an accident and became pregnant. I was married to a good man who had never had biological children (he has an adopted daughter), and we decided, "What the heck -- let's go for it." I was 43. I love my children more than I can begin to describe. I can't imagine my life without either one of them, and in fact, I loved them so much I couldn't bear to send them to school with strangers when I was sitting home doing exactly nothing with several degrees. But I have never felt I needed to have them before I had them. Now, of course, I need to have them because I can't live without them! (I guess the good news is that one's ability to fall madly and hopelessly in love with one's baby is not related to how much one craved the baby in the first place.) Interestingly, after menopause a year or two ago, I finally felt a pang, so I sort of know what you're talking about. For the first year or two I actually grieved never having my own baby in my arms again. It wasn't any kind of all-encompassing grief and it didn't affect my life in any way -- it was just these fleeting moments when I felt that a very important part of me was gone forever. These days I'm mostly over it. I'm looking forward to grandchildren! Edited October 13, 2009 by tdeveson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest prappleye Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 I'm curious how you do in a year or too, what you & dh decide for your future. I was recently told by my dh that our little girl (his first & my 3rd) is the last one. The way in which it all came up was hurtful. But I told him that he could decide (hoping his decision would be different) so I feel like I have no room to complain. I am angry & sad, but I love him very much. I have to respect his feelings as much as I wish he would respect mine. (That is probably the anger talking, I know he loves & respects me. He is just done.) I am 35, he is 43. He never thought he was going to have children, then he found me & my boys...dd was a bonus. Our family has been through a lot since we've been together. Financially, we're not in a horrible place (better than some, not as good as others). But he worries about stretching our budget further for another mouth & what our senior years will look like if we have to stretch more than we currently are. I am heart-broken. Nothing would make me happier than giving dd a playmate closer to her age (ds's are 14 & 12). My husband is now worried about us which makes me sad. He asked if I was going to stay with him...of course I am! I did let him know that because he took something so dear from me, I had to be honest, I was probably going to hate him for a little while until I move onto the next stage of grief. I feel that it's better for me to feel (fully) whatever stage I'm in, & vocalize if I need to so that I don't bottle it up & end up bitter & resentful with him, because I don't want to be. Please keep us updated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 That feeling may never go away. Just say'n. I am now tossing my Dh adoption stories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 This is a three year old thread. Hopefully the OP is doing well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weat4 Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 Congratulations on your sweet new one ~ love his name! We have four and it's wonderful for us, now. It was a long time coming for me to get here though. Our struggle was infertility. Although I am thankful daily for each of my four children, for they are a miracle to me ~ there were YEARS I thought we'd have none, I still grieve the natural process of having them one at a time and deciding when to welcome another one and all the fun I imagine goes into the announcement, a normal pregnancy, and the time alone with each new one. Our oldest is adopted and we couldn't be more grateful ~ she's 14 and still a gift. :laugh: Our next 3 came all at once in a very intense pregnancy and then early years. Pheeewww, they are 8 now and I still get exhausted thinking of those first years. I wouldn't trade them though and I got to be pregnant. Amazing. I think it got harder again for a while when the triplets were three. We got pregnant ~ on our own ~ after 18 years of marriage and no b/c, but I miscarried early, before I truly wrapped my mind around it. It made me more sad than I thought it would and I still think about how old he'd be now (I think it was a boy.) I'm 44 now and I'm done, we're done, but if some crazy thing happened and I got pregnant right now, I'd be a bit horrified, but not undone. Go figure. Thanks for "listening" and I hope all the different stories and perspectives help somehow. The best to you and your family! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 For me it was having a 9 and 6 year old and taking on a newborn babysitting job. I realized how hard it was. How much I adored having older children. How fun it was to not worry about diapers and naptimes. I always wanted one more. Dh was emphatically done. I was so crushed. I all but begged for another. But, I took those feelings and put them in a little corner of my mind and moved on. Then, about 3 years ago, dh and I were having a heartfelt conversation. I mentioned how long it took me to grieve over that 3rd child we never had. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "I didn't really think you were serious. We could have had another one if you really wanted one." Ugh. I was 38 with a 9 and 6 year old. Those feelings were let out of that little corner. Dh was out of a job. We were on the verge of losing everything and now I had to deal with the feelings all over again. So, in the midst of this, I had the opportunity to watch a little Miss. It was disasterous! Awful! I couldn't get school done. I was strapped with feeding schedules. I hated it! I realized that, although it would certainly be different if she was my own, I didn't want to do this again. A couple months ago I watched a friend's son for 4 days. It felt so weird to have a 3rd child. Again, I know it would be different if it was our own, but I couldn't get over the "not right" feelings. I'm really okay with my family now. I love 12 and 9. I love sharing books with my 12 year old. I love seeing the men they will soon be behind the boyish eyes now. It all works out the way it's supposed to be. Enjoy your little one! You'll be okay! Remember hormones are wild right now and be gracious with yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 Guys....Zombie thread. Interesting to read my response though...since we now have Boo and another on the way, LOL! Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnnnnnnsssssss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 Guys....Zombie thread. Interesting to read my response though...since we now have Boo and another on the way, LOL! Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnnnnnnsssssss :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebug42 Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 Guys....Zombie thread. Interesting to read my response though...since we now have Boo and another on the way, LOL! Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnnnnnnsssssss That is how I knew this was an old thread. :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stayseeliz Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 I was told not to have anymore after my third since my pregnancy was very complicated. It took me a LONG time to be okay with being done. I grieved for a long time and it was really hard to hear about others having babies, etc. Now we did end up having a surprise 4th baby but I do totally understand what you mean. It's okay to be sad. I will say that my youngest is now 20 months and I'm almost always okay with being done. My brother and SIL had a baby in January and I was able to hold her and just enjoy her without being jealous. Every once in awhile I'll see a commerical with a newborn and I'll miss those sweet first days and just holding them since my toddler is too busy to be snuggled much these days. But I'm looknig forward to a new stage of life and having kids that are a little more independent. Congrats on your little one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 This is a three year old thread. Hopefully the OP is doing well. She was here a few days ago. Perhaps she'll notice this thread was resurrected and reply. to the original question. I'm also in the same boat as others. I'm not totally over being done. It's been 11yrs since I had my last and I was pretty sure he would be my last. There was a lot of those bittersweet moments (last nursling, last crawling baby, last first steps, etc. etc.). At 48 I know in my head that having another baby would be VERY hard (I get very ill during pregnancies) but that doesn't mean I don't wish I could. Now that my oldest is pregnant I have to admit that I have conflicting emotions. I'm very excited for HER but sometimes I wish it were me. Does that make me an awful grandma to be??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.