Incentives ...

[Luanne]

Do any of you give incentives (rewards of some kind) to your children if they accomplish a task ... particularly talking about school work here?

 

I did tell my daughter I would buy her a book at Barnes and Noble if she finishes her summer reading list by a certain date. She only has 1 1/2 books to go and she's there. It seemed to help her get going.

 

I don't want to do this long term, but just to get her started. She seems to feel like a failure and because of that has difficulty even starting something (school wise particularly). Math is the biggest challenge for her.

 

What do you think? ... and what would be a good incentive to offer her?

[hornblower]

No.

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1145880&postcount=4

 

I do sometimes give myself rewards. I think it's different to play mind games with yourself. I know my dd will sometimes do the same by promising herself a chapter of a good book after she does something not as pleasant - but that's HER decision.

[joannqn]

No.

 

I would address the feelings of being a failure by repeatedly talking about working hard, making progress, not needing to be perfect, nobody is perfect, keep trying, try something different, never giving up, etc. I would praise effort and show approval for trying or small progress.

 

I would also do what I can to address school issues through curriculum. Is the math problem that she isn't understanding or that she doesn't like it? Either problem could possibly be solved with a change of curriculum. If making every effort to find the best curriculum for her learning style isn't working, and she just hates math no matter what you do, it might be that she just needs to buckle down and get it done so she can move onto other, more enjoyable pursuits.

[Pamela H in Texas]

If you offer her rewards for plowing through tough math work (for example) or learning a certain skill, you are taking away the POWER of the natural positive of the situation. She won't get as much as the "look what I did!" That accomplishment shouldn't be overshadowed or even chipped away at by a reward, IMO.

[BMW]

I'm the odd one out... I do occasionally, but not always.

One example is using calculadders for math fact mastery... when they complete mastery of their facts (like, all of addition... all of subtraction... all of multiplication...) we have ice cream treats. I don't mention it often, I just do that with them...

 

I really like natural consequences for rewards, too. For example, we wake up and don't have anything planned that day and I say, "You know, if we all work together to get the chores done, we can go out to that fun park for a while." To me, that is a natural part of life... we get the work done, we can play. On a regular day, though, they will hear, "Time to get the chores done. Let's get moving!"

 

Would your dd like it if you showcased work that she gets done?

There have been good suggestions for starting up the school year lately. Like taking just one subject per day and going over what is involved and what is expected. That may help her know what she has to do. You also might condider scheduling her subjects... maybe she can help plan out what she does at certain times of the day and she'll not feel like failing to start if she is doing that??

[Ginevra]

No. I am not a believer in earning rewards for something you are supposed to do anyway. This is one reason why I don't participate in free pizza programs or library reading list programs. I don't give rewards for completing ordianary schoolwork or ordinary household tasks.

[ELaurie]

but not on a regular basis.

 

I think that having a specific goal to work toward, which is couple with a modest reward, can provide a child with an incentive to push forward -especially when forming a new habit.

 

I've used incentives for summer reading programs, learning math facts, and completing other goals. The rewards were generally quite modest - perhaps a trip to the ice cream parlor, or in one case a trip to the Lego store (with a modest budget).

 

The kids find it fun; it adds some variety for them, and I don't think it does any harm.

 

That being said, I don't use rewards on a regular basis. I don't reward them for demonstrating the type of behavior that I expect from them anyway, or for doing their school work.

[Ferdie]

My kids have a sticker chart and they earn stickers for doing their morning chores before coming downstairs, for starting their school before 8:30am and for doing their afternoon chores. They get an incentive when their sticker chart is full.

 

For math, I make sure my kids understand the lesson and I sit near by to encourage them. If they are really struggling we set the timer for 30 min and they do as much as they can until the timer goes off.

[Jane]

Yes, we sometimes offer rewards and quite frankly I've not found a biblical reason to completely eradicate incentives from our parenting strategies. I will say this, my children do work better for praise than incentives and I know people who think praising a child is also a negative thing. :tongue_smilie:I think it all depends on the context.

 

Personally I haven't used incentives for school work, but I think a summer reading list might be an acceptable place to do so. As my father would say, "By encouraging her through an incentive she will learn the value of the act."

 

As for the general feelings of being a failure in school, certainly continue to address those issues. I have a younger child who can out spell an older, dyslexic child. We focus on being honest about our own gifts and how the Lord has a plan for *each* of the children whether a gifted speller or not. Another one of my children was a perfectionist at a young age. I had to keep reminding her that mistakes are part of the learning process and she should expect to make mistakes at times. My children have developed a lot of compassion for other children over the years simply from us working through these types of feelings. Hang in there! Your patience and love will later be modeled by your dd.

 

I think your offer to purchase her a book from B&N is a sweet reward. I cannot think of a more appropriate incentive.

 

Just one mom's opinion.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I am not big on incentives - just not my parenting style. I really buy into the "punished by rewards" philosophy.

 

However, sometimes, they can help get over a psychological hump. Ds15 was overwhelmed by an assignment. I helped him focus on what he needed to do and I told him we would celebrate his completion by sharing a bottle of IBC root beer. It brought a big smile to his face and he finished his task. Do I do this all the time? no. Would he expect it all the time? No. He know it was a once-in-a-while kind of thing. I do try to help the kids structure their days by having little breaks/rewards built in, such as, after math, we can shoot baskets for 15 minutes. Both finishing the math and shooting baskets are good things.

 

I have been known to reward myself with a bit of chocolate after completing something that I really didn't want to do:)

[Melissa in Australia]

yes, every day. my kids have to get their morning school work done before lunch, otherwise they can't play on the computer.

I have heaps of other incentives for various other things as well. It makes everything go so much smother, lots less arguments, and the kids really enjoy the challenge of getting things done in a time frame to get a reward.

[Moni]

If you offer her rewards for plowing through tough math work (for example) or learning a certain skill, you are taking away the POWER of the natural positive of the situation. She won't get as much as the "look what I did!" That accomplishment shouldn't be overshadowed or even chipped away at by a reward, IMO.

 

Sometimes it can be a great motivator to actually start though. ;)

And the power does become the natural positive of the situation and the prize is often opted out of at the end by the child.

 

So it kind of depends on what exactly you are trying to achieve, the true dynamics of the situation, the true issues at hand, etc.

:seeya:

[FriedClams]

I do for major milestones, but it's nothing huge. When the kids finish a book - like Horizons Math 2 - they can get a prize. But - the prizes are cool toothbrushes, new art supplies, etc. Nothing crazy or fancy, but they enjoy it anyway and it's a fun way for us to mark finishing something big (we HS year round and sometimes finish a grade level book in Feb or another off month, so the kids still get to celebrate).

[Dirtroad]

No, no incentives for school or chores. ;) Just got to do it!

[Pamela H in Texas]

Can I make a few clarifications?

 

I think it is fine to celebrate accomplishments, such as going to the zoo or out for ice cream or whatever after finishing the spelling book for the year.

 

I also think it is fine (and right, even) to have built in logical consequences such as "you may XYZ after your work is done for the day." We certainly don't allow computer time, for example, while there is work left to be done.

 

I also think that temporary reward/punishment is fine. It is more powerful if it is temporary and rare. I used a sticker chart (with a reward at the end) twice to stop/start a behavior twice (both times around 9 yrs old). Because it wasn't a constant situation, it was helpful. My kids have been punished once or so per year also. So though I don't think those things are BEST and are WAY WAY WAY over used to the detriment of children's development (and even a parent's development!), I do believe they have a place.

 

Another thing I used fairly regularly with one child was a progress chart. Our lesson plan is a regular one. We mark it off in a huge way (stickers, highlighter, colorful dots, whatever) in order to see how much has been accomplished each day/week. With Goo (the 6yo), I would write the time beside his math fact line in whatever color he wanted and he'd try to beat that time. We'll have something similar as he works towards the Presidential Fitness Challenge stuff also so he can put a sticker as he reaches each new accomplishment (for example, if he starts with 14 sit ups in a minute, then we'll start there and put a sticker up each step til he gets to his goal (and even further)). I did the same thing when I was working. I had a path on the whiteboard and colored it in for each day's worth of money (my time and money was variable, not a set hourly wage or set hours).

 

Anyway, so I'm not totally against ANY sort of sticker something-or-another. And I'm not against EVERY reward or punishment. But the "prize" of cleaning the kitchen is a clean kitchen. The "prize" for working hard on math facts is that you get to own them. Well, I guess there are other rewards to such things also, but generally, we don't get "paid" for everything we do in life and I think it's a problematic precedent to start.

[lulubelle]

We decided that when a workbook is completed we go to the candy store for a small bag of candy as a family. And, when Phonics Pathways is completed, which will be in about 3 weeks, we will be going to Chucky Cheese's or some other fun place as a family. Somewhat of an incentive and also just celebrating the accomplishment.

[radiobrain]

Well, either I am TOTALLY off the mark here, or just with those who chose to post....

 

I JUST started an incentive program.

 

I decided that my kids weren't seeing the actual reward in doing their schoolwork. I started having a change of heart when my friends who have PS kids got heir name in the paper, got to go to a city-wide special "academic greatness" award banquet, and was told that all during the year they got little perks for having good grades. I also had heard of people giving their kids $$ for good grades.

 

Anyway, I took the ideas and made up my own system.

 

I bought 2 bags of marbles. I wrote a list of rewards they could earn by turning in marbles, amount of marbles for each thing etc etc. They can earn 1 marble for each "lesson" they complete. If they do A quality work they get a second marble and if they do that in a subject they have trouble with they can earn a third.

 

Rewards include things like: 30 min of computer time, a movie (in the house), laser tag, a trip to the chinese buffet, playground trip, swimming, a small lego pack etc etc.

 

So far it has been amazing. My boys tend to be lethargic about schoolwork and I needed to give them a boost. They are totally excited about earning their marbles, getting to their work, doing a good job at it, and have stopped griping for the most part.

 

I also have been giving myself marbles for actually getting to a lesson (I tend to find excuses myself)I am trying to think of it as paid job ....

 

Anyway, I am SURE that you guys will disagree with me!

 

However, before you judge my decision.... we have NO ALLOWANCE, no reward for normal household chores and my boys have a paper route.

 

Korin

[Moni]

I am SURE that you guys will disagree with me!

 

:) I think you are right about that.

I find initial incentives are nifty when trying to change/develop a habit.

 

Plus sometimes they are just kind of fun! :lol:

 

They are totally excited about earning their marbles, getting to their work, doing a good job at it, and have stopped griping for the most part

 

Could this be a new habit developing? An improvement in the family dynamic?

:seeya:

Edited August 24, 2009 by Moni

[Pamela H in Texas]

I decided that my kids weren't seeing the actual reward in doing their schoolwork. I started having a change of heart when my friends who have PS kids got heir name in the paper, got to go to a city-wide special "academic greatness" award banquet, and was told that all during the year they got little perks for having good grades. I also had heard of people giving their kids $$ for good grades.

 

Though I disagree with some of this, at least to the degree many schools do it, they are a lot different than the marble thing you are doing or the flip/move the card thing schools often use in elementary classrooms. You don't get into the paper for completing your math work for the day. You get in the paper for doing something extraordinary like winning the science fair or because the project you're doing that day is extra neat (we live in a small town and many times it's the latter). You get grades every 6 or 9 weeks so if you're paid for making all A's, it's a rare treat, not something you're earning every 15-90 minutes. These things you cite as reasons for starting like this are all like the going to the ice cream parlor because you finished your math book rather than going to the ice cream parlor because you completed the 15 problems assigned to you today.

 

Do you see the difference?

 

Like I mentioned in my post, I think that using a system like yours can be helpful to change attitudes, get kids moving at a better pace, etc. There is a place for it. As I mentioned, I did similarly twice with my ds.

 

The problem is when it's used long term. It's even MORE problematic if it is still NEEDED long term. If the only reason they behave 6 months from now, for example, is in order to get the marbles, there is an issue. And there is really no reason to keep playing the marble game 6 months from now if they aren't. So either way, you'll have changed the dynamics of the situation (a positive no doubt!) and the marble game will have already been done away with (hopefully and imo).

 

I'm hoping that makes sense.

 

And I'm just using yours as an example since you outlined it so well. Please don't take that personally, k?

 

And of course, you can agree with me or disagree. What is great is that we can all choose whatever we feel is best.

 

But I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with rare, short term use of rewards to make a change and I don't see anything wrong with celebrations like those you mentioned (newspaper, certificates, etc).

[dcjlkplus3]

For our last month of school, I tried. I told her if she got her work done by lunchtime everyday, she could pick something (a small gift, going to a movie, nothing extravagant). For a few days it worked, then she decided it wasn't worth it (she'd ask for whatever it was she wanted at her birthday (in Sept.)

[Kim in Appalachia]

while there are many things we have to do in life just because it has to be done, most of the time we have incentives. I clean my house because I can't stand it filthy, a clean home is my reward. It might not be a paid incentive, but it is an incentive.

 

My dh loves his job, but I don't think he would stick at it for too long if he didn't get paid. Most people would not show up for work without the promise of something.

 

I see nothing wrong with helping kids connect the dots to the fact that work offers rewards. Sometimes the rewards are tangible, sometimes not, but I want my kids to know that they're working for something.

[swellmomma]

NOt specifically for school work per se. BUT they do earn allownace each week and part of that is tied into their school work and part into chores. When it comes to school work I deduct from their allowance when I see lazy attitudes, refusal to work etc (the same for chores). So it is not a reward really, but they don't like seeing the deductions (my goal is to teach them that showing up for work is not enough to earn a pay cheque you actually have to do the work too) so they tend to buckle down on their work with a simple reminder on the Monday if I see attitudes slipping.

 

As for feeling like a failure. Ds is a perfectionist, it is an all or nothing thing. If he thinks he can not do it perfectly he doesn't even want to try. For him I break things down more and act as cheerleader when he accomplishes the steps. Usually by the time he is done 1/4-1/2 of the work he is able to keep going without the extra boosts in confidence.

 

I do display peices of their work in 2 ways. Peices that were difficult for them yet they persevered get hung in the livingroom on our display wall for others to see. For peices that were exceptional (a perfect score on a test, or a beutiful piece of artwork, or a very well written story/report), we call those "fridgerator papers" and we hang them on Grandma's fridge and she shows them off to everyone who comes to her home. They love having peices to showcase either in our home or grandma's and receiving praise for a job well done.

[lynn]

Do any of you give incentives (rewards of some kind) to your children if they accomplish a task ... particularly talking about school work here?

 

I did tell my daughter I would buy her a book at Barnes and Noble if she finishes her summer reading list by a certain date. She only has 1 1/2 books to go and she's there. It seemed to help her get going.

 

I don't want to do this long term, but just to get her started. She seems to feel like a failure and because of that has difficulty even starting something (school wise particularly). Math is the biggest challenge for her.

 

What do you think? ... and what would be a good incentive to offer her?

 

Pretty much the reward for finishing school is work is more free time and that was pretty much all incentive my kids need. Now with the math did you evaluate if it's the program you chose, is it overwhelming, not her learning style, moving to fast. I hope you find the answer you are looking for.

[K&Rs Mom]

I do. I keep a "trinket box" from which they are allowed to choose a prize when they finish a workbook - little party favors & stuff. Plus they usually get a week off of whatever subject they just finished, before starting the next book. We school year-round, so this is a way to mark those little milestones that happen at different times. They're still proud to show daddy or grandma the spelling book that they've finished, so I don't think it's interfering with the sense of accomplishment - if that was the case, that they were working only for the trinket, I'd probably change the system.

[radiobrain]

Just to clarify... so you know where I am coming from... the minimum reward level is... 15 marbles.... for 30 min. of computer time.

 

A small lego pack is 50 (which I am adjusting up) and if they wanted to trade it in for cash it would be 100 marbles for 5$. That takes a decent amount of time.

 

It is not like every day they get to go to the ice cream store! :)

 

It is a visual, touchable way for them to see their progress and effort... it is just something we are trying, and so far I am pretty happy with it. I would hope that *eventually* it is not necessary, but at least for a while... it is working. I think it is hard to motivate a 10 year old boy. ;) It is better than saying "you can get such and such as a reward for finishing your math book.... " my one son would try to finish his whole math book in 1 day and the other would see it as an unreachable goal!

 

BTW... the PS listed every kid in the paper that had acheived whatever their level of excellence was, and they go to go to a banquet with a bunch of football players (which I thought was funny). But during the year these kids would get toys, prizes, pizza parties, etc etc I am talking every week. That is just what the school system does.

 

blah blah blah... :D

[FO4UR]

My ds6 earns a penny for every problem he gets correct on a math timed test. We have just started this, but I plan on doing them about 2x per week. He honestly doesn't view this as much different than winning a card game with me....it's not bribery to do his work as much as it is a game to see how many pennies he can take from my jar.:tongue_smilie: This game will lose it's novelty at some point - that's fine. My goal is to train his brain to function clearly amidst a little pressure against the clock.

 

I don't reward for doing our regular lessons though, aside from getting to go play afterward.