Janna Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 My brother and sister in law have a daughter who is now almost 4. She is their only daughter and the 3rd (and youngest) child. Since she was a baby she has screamed ear piercing screams for attention. She is almost 4yo and she still screams and throws massive temper tantrums to get her way. My brother and sister in law, when I have observed (which by my own admission is not often because we don't live in the same state anymore), have done nothing to discipline or change the behavior. When my parents babysit, their daughter does not do this because she learned that when she behaved like that with them, my mom immediately put her in her crib and closed her door. When she was done with her tantrum, she would be let out. Knowing this and experiencing those screams (did I mention they could shatter glass?) myself, I was judging them for not disciplining properly. And while that may indeed be the case for most of it, I am now in their shoes (I hate it when this kind of stuff comes back to bite me! LOL) I have a 14 month old boy. He's my 2nd boy, but my 3rd (and youngest) child. He is now a screamer. Ear piercing. Can't quite shatter windows yet, but I fear it's still undeveloped. I don't know what to do! He is too little for discipline;I just don't think he would connect the screaming with the discipline yet. But maybe I'm wrong...? Anyway, we've tried ignoring (dh and I have had to help the older kids in this because they laugh when baby screams. They are good at ignoring him now though) and I've tried slapping his hand a little bit and saying "no". But he's not stopping. He usually screams when he wants food and you're not feeding him fast enough, or when he's done eating and wants out of the high chair NOW...but sometimes he just does it. And I don't think he's just playing with his voice, LOL. Any ideas on what I can do to help him understand that this screaming is unacceptable? We went out to eat last week with my parents and it was...embarrassing to say the least. Help? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OHGrandma Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I think he is old enough to use your parents method of discipline. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherMayI Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I hate it when that happens.:tongue_smilie: My 17 month old dd can shatter windows too. I have put her in her crib and waited until I caught her at a quiet moment to bring her back out to teach her she won't get attention when she is screaming. She screams mostly when she is tired or finished eating. She has just started getting some of the sign language I have been using with her- which has helped quite a bit. Now when she wants down from the table she waves her hands "all done". I praise her and make a big deal of it and let her down. I really think it is a communication issue- so another thing you might try is to talk him through things. Ex. "I bet you are really hungry. See mommy making your food? I don't want you to be hungry so I am making your food.". I have found when I speak the words for her she quiets and seems to feel understood. I hope this makes sense:D. I feel your pain! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnandtinagilbert Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I disagree that he is not old enough for discipline. You certainly can't have a discussion with him, but a light (really light, enough to sting, but not really lasting pain) As an example, I had a friend who started light taps on the leg for unnecessary crying with her 6 month old. I thought --gasp--terrible. He's too young. Well by 14 months, I can honestly say, he is the BEST behaved baby I have ever witnessed. He is obedient. He is joyful. He is amazing! Anyways, that may not be for you, but I do think the methods your parents used will work and separate you from the scream so you can keep your sanity. If he's a climber, one of those crib tents might be just what you need! :bigear: Hopefully you'll have some quiet soon! BTW, I SOOOO know what you mean about wearing those new shoes...so darn embarrassing when we realize how much we judge others! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 How many words does he have? It could just be a matter of not having an alternative to communicate his desires. Could you try sign if his verbal vocabulary isn't sufficient yet? Of course, sometimes he can't have what he wants and then you'll have to take anti-tantrum measures. The crib is a good idea because its a direct consequence of hurting other people's ears. I'd save the slap for instances when he's reaching for something dangerous because it's a more natural consequence. It's a tough stage, but it will get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I giggled when I read your post because the picture of your son's little face is so cute! He's so serious-looking. You'd never think it of him.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I think all babies are like that to some extent, & some are more so than others. I think it's a frustrating age because there's enough understanding to want things, but language isn't always there to the degree that they need to express themselves. We use baby sign language, & from around 10 mos, give or take, to maybe 14 mos, we're transitioning baby from screaming, to "using his words." We make signs to remind him, & we use his hands to make signs. Once we're sure he's understood & shown the capacity to sign, we're a little more firm. We also sign "Wait" & make them sign it back (probably after 12-14 mos, but do it ourselves as early as 10-12). The yr between 12-24 mos is a time of great change & maturing, though, & before the yr's up, I think things will be much better. It helps even at the earliest end of that yr, to get on a baby's level, look them in the eyes, & tell them comfortingly, "You wan to eat!" & make the sign. Eventually, the knowledge that you understand will soothe them. Mine's 11mos right now & starving all the time & screams because we don't feed him fast enough often. But we talk to him. We remind him to say "More" & we show him how, & we talk about, "Now it's Mama's turn," I take a bite, followed by, "Now it's Caedmon's turn. Yum!" But there's wiggle room, too. If it's an hr past dinner time, we might forego a lot of that. Require less. We try to put ourselves in his shoes, comfort him, & teach him what he needs to know, because he'll be more comfortable when he understands better (that he WILL be fed). And then there's one more thing. Baby #3 was our worst screamer. She was colicky, & she's got a sort-of demanding personality. I mean, it makes her so incredibly passionately sweet when she's sweet, but, um, yeah. She was a screamer. Looking back, though, I suspect she was allergic to something she was eating, & it was messing w/ her. I think she may have been hurting. So I guess I'd just kind-of keep that at the back of my mind to sort-of watch for. GL! The screaming phase is patience-testing, & doing it 2 yrs in a row (for us) may kill us, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendi Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 How many words does he have? It could just be a matter of not having an alternative to communicate his desires. Could you try sign if his verbal vocabulary isn't sufficient yet? Of course, sometimes he can't have what he wants and then you'll have to take anti-tantrum measures. The crib is a good idea because its a direct consequence of hurting other people's ears. I'd save the slap for instances when he's reaching for something dangerous because it's a more natural consequence. It's a tough stage, but it will get better. I agree that signing would be wonderful for him. When he's screaming to get down, try saying, "No screaming. Say, 'All done!'" while helping him do the sign. Also when he is hungry, he could be taught to sign, "food, please" or "more, please". It's worth a try. Wendi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Calvin was a screamer at that age. When talking really kicked in, and he was able to communicate, the screaming just stopped. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I confess that we put dd(now 7) out on the deck in her high chair during mealtime for that very reason.:blushing: She could see us (and of course we could see her) through the slider but at least the noise was dampened. Though in hind sight, I suppose its amazing that all our neighbors still like us.:D (I think your parent's method is a good one even at this age.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rainbows Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Sign language definitely helped my 2 youngest. DS3 was a pretty easy going kid anyway, but DS4=trouble lol (he was a major screamer). It virtually eliminated tantrums with DS3, and cut waaay back on them with DS4 (We liked Signing Times videos, in fact my older kids still sing the songs lol) I don't put kids that young into time out. I use a LOT of redirection and talking to them about what's going on...they can understand so much more than they can communicate back Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth Conley Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I've never been in the position you describe, so I haven't a clue as to what to do. I don't think it's wise to punish him by putting him in his crib, because that's where you put him when you want him to settle into a sound, contended sleep. I wouldn't want the child to associate bedtime with any sort of punishment. If you have a pack n' play you don't use much, you could put it in a remote corner of the house and incarcerate him there instead of the crib. When my children cried, they wanted to be held. I fashioned a shawl into a sling and hung them on my hip. They didn't scream much, but my daughter threw some impressive tantrums at about 2.5 years. They really upset me. On day I left the room, because ignoring her was stressing me out terribly. She instantly "pushed the pause button" on the tantrum, followed me into the other room, flopped to the floor and continued the horrific tantrum. Wow, what a lesson! Needless to say, her tantrums didn't impress me much any more. I realized that although there was much sound and fury, she was very much in control of herself. Shortly thereafter, the behavior ceased. I don't know if my less anxious response to the tantrums was helpful or not. I don't believe your child's screaming is necessarily analogous to my child's startlingly dramatic tantrums. I'm just throwing it out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iwka Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/ They have good stuff on child training. Not that I agree with everything, but they know how to do it with very small kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janna Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 How many words does he have? It could just be a matter of not having an alternative to communicate his desires. Could you try sign if his verbal vocabulary isn't sufficient yet? Well this is definitely an issue and I can't believe I failed to mention this in my original post. :blush: He is definitely behind where my other 2 were at this same age, vocabulary wise. My daughter had a 25 word list by the time she was 15 months, Ds had a 15 word list at 14 months and this little guy...nothing. He says "uh-oh", but I'm not convinced that counts. He will say "ball" (bah) when he wants to, but other than that, he won't talk. He doesn't even say "mama". He can - we've heard him do it - but it's not discretionary. He babbles non-stop though (which is how my daughter was and still to this day she is a talker - which apparently runs in the family as I was nicknamed "motor mouth":lol:). Anyway, my other two kids were much more verbal and *never* screamed. Not even one time. So needless to say, I'm thrown off my game with this little cutie-pie! We have done sign language with him (which is new to me as I didn't do it with my other two), but really all he signs is "eat", "more", "hi", "bye", shakes his head "no" and nods his head "yes". He doesn't do "all gone", "thank you" or "please". When he's given something, he'll nod his head "yes" and make the vocal inflection of "thank you", but won't sign it. I am considering having him tested by First Steps, but dh doesn't think there's anything wrong- he's just slower because he's the 3rd child and since he babbles and points to things *constantly*, he's not concerned. Oh, he has just started making animal sounds too - woof-woof, Roar...which is a good sign, I guess. Anyway, all that to say, that the sign language isn't helping him *not* scream at this point. As far as putting him in his crib is concerned - I am not convinced that will work because when he screams, if I were to pick him up to take him to his crib, the second I picked him up he would stop screaming, you know? If he were continuing his fit while I was taking him to his crib, that would be one thing...but to take him to his crib happy (and he *loves* his crib btw. When it's time to go "night-night" he leaps out of our arms, LOL) - I don't know how it would work, you know? I will be thinking on this method though. Any other thoughts? And if you all want to talk about his talking (lack of), I'm fine with that too because like I said, that's new territory for me also. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarleneW Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 My soon to be 3yo did not really speak until about 6 months ago. Now she dosn't shut up. She had no need to talk. She had 3 siblings that got her whatever she wanted and talked for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I don't know what to do! He is too little for discipline;I just don't think he would connect the screaming with the discipline yet. But maybe I'm wrong...? Anyway, we've tried ignoring (dh and I have had to help the older kids in this because they laugh when baby screams. They are good at ignoring him now though) and I've tried slapping his hand a little bit and saying "no". But he's not stopping. He usually screams when he wants food and you're not feeding him fast enough, or when he's done eating and wants out of the high chair NOW...but sometimes he just does it. And I don't think he's just playing with his voice, LOL. Any ideas on what I can do to help him understand that this screaming is unacceptable? We went out to eat last week with my parents and it was...embarrassing to say the least. Help? We've always handled it by giving them a little pop on the mouth every time they screamed. Just enough to make it sting a tiny bit. Ds3 isn't as disciplined as his older brothers were at his age, and it's my fault. He's the baby, and it's so much harder to discipline him. He seems so much younger than the others did at this age. And he knows how to milk his baby status (he looked at me yesterday, made his eyes bigger than usual and said "Pwetty Pwease Mommy? I wuv you." <insert sigh here>). I'm trying to do what is best for him, but it's hard. Thankfully, dh doesn't struggle with it as much as I do. Anyway, this is a bit of commiseration on disciplining the babies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrieSisk Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Please don't hit. He's too young to know what you're doing or why, and ... just please don't. :) I think it's too much to expect a baby or toddler to behave at a restaurant (well, McDonalds, maybe? LOL). I never took my daughter out to eat at a nice restaurant until she was capable of understanding plain English rules. Then, at age 4 or so, I laid down two hard-fast rules -- only two -- and told her the consequences for disobeying. I never had a problem with her after the first meltdown. We made our apologies, got up and left. She never did it again. (the two rules, by the way, were "no screaming" and "no throwing things". As she matured, I gave more rules.) As for the screaming at home - I always thought distraction was the best approach until age 2 or 3. I'd give her something else to play with, or change her scenery, or start doing something off the wall and silly. I also found my daughter would stop screaming if I started whispering. She'd be so intent on hearing what I was saying that she'd soothe herself! Didn't work all the time but enough to be worthwhile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OHGrandma Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 As far as putting him in his crib is concerned - I am not convinced that will work because when he screams, if I were to pick him up to take him to his crib, the second I picked him up he would stop screaming, you know? If he were continuing his fit while I was taking him to his crib, that would be one thing...but to take him to his crib happy (and he *loves* his crib btw. When it's time to go "night-night" he leaps out of our arms, LOL) - I don't know how it would work, you know? I will be thinking on this method though. Any other thoughts? And if you all want to talk about his talking (lack of), I'm fine with that too because like I said, that's new territory for me also. Thanks! If he quiets as soon as you pick him up, it may not work to put him in his crib. However, it sounds like he might be getting you trained to respond to the screaming. I guess if that's what's going on, I'd work on getting him to communicate with more acceptable means. Oh, and get some sound proof ear muffs; that worked for me when my son tried throwing tantrums many years ago. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 If he stops screaming when you pick him up, then pop him in a hip sling and carry him. This does seem a bit simplistic though, so maybe I'm missing something here. I carried all mine. No 1 was an appalling screamer from birth (so it wasn't behavior. ;)) She yelled and yelled, Dh was stopped by the police, as he was pushing her pram down a deserted sea front at 2am. She sometimes stopped screaming if she was on the move, so we pushed her or carried her constantly. She was still screaming at 9 months. All the time. My lowest ebb was at about 3 months when I put her safely in her pram, strapped her in, tucked her in warmly and pushed her out to the shed.:blush: I came back in and had a cup of tea. When I got her 15 mins later she was, of course, still screaming, but I had a blessed break. Friends and neighbours helped. Dh helped. Eventually the screaming died away as she weaned between 12 and 15 months. At 3 years we discovered she was anaphylatic to all nuts, which I had been eating. (She is in her 20's now, and we did not know about anaphylaxis in those days) She must have had the most appalling tummy pains. :( Having been through all that it was second nature to carry all mine as little ones. I had a hip sling and in they went. I knew where they were, they had the confort of being with me and we were all very happy. I miss those days of a baby on my hip. Those of you with littles are very blessed. Make the most of it. Willow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I am considering having him tested by First Steps, but dh doesn't think there's anything wrong- he's just slower because he's the 3rd child and since he babbles and points to things *constantly*, he's not concerned. If you have any concerns, go ahead and have him evaluated. The best case is that there's nothing wrong. If there is a reason for concern, the earlier you start therapy the better. I had dd checked at about a year just because her older brothers are autistic and she was a preemie. They didn't mind coming out to see her and reassure me. It wasn't a hassle at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 My 10 month old did this for a very short time. I simple spoke in a low voice and let him know that we don't do that. My boyfriend put his finger in the baby's mouth (sideways - no gagging , no abuse.....it was gentle as was his voice when he said "no"). These worked for us and I think he quit in a week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiff in TX Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I disagree that he is not old enough for discipline. You certainly can't have a discussion with him, but a light (really light, enough to sting, but not really lasting pain) As an example, I had a friend who started light taps on the leg for unnecessary crying with her 6 month old. I thought --gasp--terrible. He's too young. Well by 14 months, I can honestly say, he is the BEST behaved baby I have ever witnessed. He is obedient. He is joyful. He is amazing! I will admit that I did this with my daughter starting at about 8 months. A little pinch/squeez on the back of her thigh would get her attention and she would stop the offending behavior. I would then jump in and redirect or teach her how to convey her message in a different manner. It worked back then. But I don't doubt that others will *gasp* at my method.Look at your options and then do what you feel comfortable doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 It takes a lot of time, patience, and consistency but I'd start now on discipline before you have a 4 year old screaming like that. We started putting our youngest in time out (sitting, facing the corner) at 13 months. He'd try to leave, but like Super Nanny, put him back in the corner as many times as it took. He now goes to the corner the instant we say, "corner". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wagnfun Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I think he is old enough to use your parents method of discipline. :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree: and did i say :iagree: I had a screamer. He wasn't even 13 months old yet. We would tap, and by tap I do mean slap to the point of being a slight sting, and he would not cry but instead stare right at me and tell me "not do that to me again". He screamed, I tapped. It didnt' take long for him to get the message. He is 13 now and very independent and head strong. I am very very glad I chose the firmer authorive way to discipine him when he was 1 instead of waiting until he was 13 to take my stand. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kmacnchs Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 I am going to ditto what people have been saying about putting him in his crib (lights on, no blanket, toys, etc) until he stops (may take awhile) and teaching him sign language. Another thing I would suggest is a flick on the cheek. I have found that screaming and a slap on the hand does not connect with babies but when the light sting is on the mouth (area), where the offense is coming from, it tends to connect. My children have never cried from that (just a sting) but it always stops the offense for a second for them to self-correct or for you to remind them that screaming is not allowed and if they want something, they may sign, etc. That being said, I do not think I used the crib thing enough (because mine are upstairs and when you're eating supper, it's a pain) and I think it is the BEST method when the baby is having a tantrum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumping In Puddles Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 No advice but I can't believe that boy is 14 months already! I remember when you posted that he was born and it feels like a few months ago. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janna Posted July 24, 2009 Author Share Posted July 24, 2009 No advice but I can't believe that boy is 14 months already! I remember when you posted that he was born and it feels like a few months ago. :001_huh: I know it! It seriously seems like it was just yesterday! It has been a blur, but at the same time I have savored every minute so much more than I did with my other two. I don't know if it's because I think he's most likely my last child, or if it's that dh and I are older and have older kids which makes us a little more experienced and by far more patient! We know by first hand experience how quickly the time goes, so I'm just soaking in every detail (except this screaming which I really don't like, LOL). There are nights I want to go and wake him up so I can snuggle with him and talk with him and just...cuddle. He's such a cuddly little guy...Oh dear. Look at me. I'm going on and on and it's hard to stop. What a gift he is! All that to say, yes, you're right - it has gone fast! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janna Posted July 24, 2009 Author Share Posted July 24, 2009 If he stops screaming when you pick him up, then pop him in a hip sling and carry him.This does seem a bit simplistic though, so maybe I'm missing something here. You're not missing something - I'm just not being detailed enough! :lol: It's not that he stops screaming because I pick him up, because his screaming isn't an on-going non-stop scream until he gets his way. I mean, he's definitely tried that, but we have ignored and walked away and not given in to his demands, so he doesn't do that so much anymore. It's more like random screams - like he's testing the waters or something. He doesn't do it when he's crying, although every once in a blue moon he will. He does have a strong will which I noticed within 24 hours of him being born. But it's a will that is quickly reigned in - at least so far! It's more like, if he's in his high chair and dinner is over and I'm cleaning up and can't let him out yet, he'll scream because he wants out. So if I pick him up to take him to his crib, he's already stopped because he got what he wanted, which was out of the high chair. Or, in the morning (he sleeps in our room), he'll get up and look over his crib rails at me sleeping and if I don't get him when he wants me too, he'll scream. He gets up around 6:30 am and our house isn't large, so his screaming easily wakes the other kiddos. I mean, in that instance, I guess I could get up and walk out of the room until he stops, but that just seems cruel. He just wouldn't understand and he's been in his crib all night - he just wants out, you know? So I don't know (I'm kinda like Judomom in this - I think he's being babied more because he's my "baby" and my other two are so much older). Anyway, I will continue to think on this -the crib and the flick on the mouth. Thanks for the thought! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janna Posted July 24, 2009 Author Share Posted July 24, 2009 He seems so much younger than the others did at this age. Anyway, this is a bit of commiseration on disciplining the babies. Yes, my little guy seems so much younger too. He still seems (and looks because he's still bald) so "wittle" and babyish! :lol: And it doesn't help that I want to keep him that way. As you said earlier today, they all seem to disobey from birth - growing up and all! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skaterbabs Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 (edited) I strongly recommend reading "Raising Your Spirited Child" and "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. bTW, what you may view as not disciplining a particular behaviour may in fact be the best way to deal with it. Dot has a similar temperment, and the best was to handle the tantrums was not to punish her, but to simply leave the room. Anything you say or do to her when she is in that "place" serves only to feed the emotional outburst. It's best dealt with before or after, but NEVER during because attempting that course only leads to the whole things escalating to World War 3. Also keep in mind that some children have trouble dealing with what is sometimes called "big emotions." these are the kids that take a little longer to learn that it's ok to be (sad, angry, excited, whatever) but XYZ behaviour is NOT okay. But again, this is best addressed outside of the situation in which these feelings and behaviours are being expressed. And physical punishment is NOT the answer. This child is still a baby - causing him physical pain may get the behaviour to stop, but is that the lesson you want to teach? "Stop that or mommy will hurt you"? :( Edited July 24, 2009 by skaterbabs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenadina Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 But you have to show him that he needs to use it when he wants something. When he screams to get out of the high chair, for instance, go over to him and say: Don't scream. Say 'down' (and sign it for him), THEN, take his hands and help him make the sign, THEN let him down. It may take a few days, but he'll get it. Be consistent! This is what worked for us, and a speech therapist taught me the technique. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 This was my life for a few months. I would say "no screaming" and ignore him, but he wasn't *manipulating* me at that point (screaming to make me give in), he was screaming because he didn't have what he wanted (same reason as your son) and it made him frustrated and he let it out by screaming. Not giving him what he wanted didn't extinguish it, because it wasn't an issue of manipulation or a battle of wills ... Anyway, at around 15 months (???) I started putting him in a playpen and walking away after saying "no screaming" and then he finally connected that there was a negative consequence for screaming. It would have worked faster if I had been more consistent, but now five loooong months later, he hasn't shrieked in at least a week. Positive reinforcement has REALLY helped too, and now that he can express himself better with words & signs I have worked on "all done" and "more please" which gives him an acceptable way to express himself. When he gets ahold of something he shouldn't have, I ask him sweetly to give it back and when he does, I thank him very nicely and he just beams. He wants the praise more than he wants the forbidden object (this week, at least!). It was so embarrassing. He often did it in the grocery store and in any restaurant when he wanted down. Those aren't situations you can utilize a playpen, unfortunately! I got plenty of "bad parent" glares and it was hard to shrug off, because I KNEW I was doing my best and was being unfairly judged. I feel for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Janna, Jesse does this, too. In fact, all my kids did it at that age. Because he doesn't have the ability to voice what he wants using words, screaming, crying, pointing, etc. are all he has. Like when they are babies and crying is all they have, KWIM? It's annoying, frustrating, embarrassing sometimes, but he is just trying to tell you something and it probably frustrates him as much as it does you. When Jesse screams (and he can shatter glass) I crouch down to his level (if he is standing) and say, "Jesse, what do you want? Show Mommy". He understands that and can often follow the direction. Sometimes he screams b/c a sibling is getting in his face or has stolen a toy. Sometimes he screams b/c something has been taken away from him that is a "no-no" and for that I simply say, "No, Jesse, you may not have that" and proceed to distract him w/ another toy. I might be setting myself up for disaster later, but I don't discipline this. I might say, "no screaming", but he really doesn't get that right now, ya know? He is trying to communicate the only way he knows how. Once he has words to us, the screaming will most likely stop and if it doesn't...I will discipline when I know that he is CHOOSING to scream INSTEAD of using his words. Does that make sense? Right now, it's not a choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 But you have to show him that he needs to use it when he wants something. When he screams to get out of the high chair, for instance, go over to him and say: Don't scream. Say 'down' (and sign it for him), THEN, take his hands and help him make the sign, THEN let him down. It may take a few days, but he'll get it. Be consistent! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlockOfSillies Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 LOL. I saw this on America's Funniest Videos. A little boy was going from room to room, following his mom around the house and having a tantrum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 We've always handled it by giving them a little pop on the mouth every time they screamed. Just enough to make it sting a tiny bit. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 (edited) It's more like, if he's in his high chair and dinner is over and I'm cleaning up and can't let him out yet, he'll scream because he wants out. So if I pick him up to take him to his crib, he's already stopped because he got what he wanted, which was out of the high chair. Or, in the morning (he sleeps in our room), he'll get up and look over his crib rails at me sleeping and if I don't get him when he wants me too, he'll scream. Calvin grew out of it without any form of punishment - in the mean time I just tried to understand his needs so that his frustration didn't boil over into screaming. If you hit him, you'll be punishing him for not yet being able to talk well enough to tell you what he needs. ETA: You might like to think of it this way. An older child has been in an accident and has had his jaws wired and his mobility impaired. He cannot talk, only scream for attention so that you can work out what is needed. You don't think, 'That child is being naughty, he needs to be punished.' Instead, you think, 'Poor child, it must be so frustrating not to be able to communicate. I wonder how I can help him until we get through this stage.' Laura Edited July 24, 2009 by Laura Corin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 ETA: You might like to think of it this way. An older child has been in an accident and has had his jaws wired and his mobility impaired. He cannot talk, only scream for attention so that you can work out what is needed. You don't think, 'That child is being naughty, he needs to be punished.' Instead, you think, 'Poor child, it must be so frustrating not to be able to communicate. I wonder how I can help him until we get through this stage.' This is awesome, yet so common sense! :D I'm sure I will use this in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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