Moms & bikinis (slight rant, and a LITTLE tmi)

[lionfamily1999]

Ok, Bikini moms.....

 

Is there something that you WOULD consider untasteful or inappropriate? My OP alluded to the fact that I feel like I live in a cave and seem to miss the latest trends.

 

What is considered inappropriate to wear to the family pool these days?

I was sure too-small bikinis fell in that category.

 

Do you have older children? Do you have sons? How do they feel about your wearing a bikini? Would you ever stop wearing a bikini around them if they didn't like it?

 

Just wondering.....

Full nudity, topless women, tassles, thongs (but then, I'm generally against thongs). I DO have sons, but I don't wear a bikini. I'm one of those fat moms, with the stretch marks, that worries that one of those judgmental moms will bash the heck out of me the second I remove my t-shirt. I'm one of those moms that is TERRIFIED that some judgemental mom is going to get snarky with me, because I don't look good in a two piece. Ironically, I'm one of those moms that doesn't look good in a one piece, but I wear it, because I enjoy swimming with my sons.

 

Here dh had me thinking it was all in my head, wear what's comfortable, when you're at the beach, wear a two piece, get a little sun on your belly, nobody's gonna care............ well, thanks for reminding me how catty and rude women can be.

Yes. I am a big girl and unfortunately, far too self-conscious. I WISH I could have the self-confidence to wear whatever I felt like. I wish I didn't wear a tankini with a skirt on my honeymoon, back before I had kids and had the best body I've ever had, because even then I didn't feel comfortable.

 

I wish I could be a better mom now and go to the pool more often than I do, and I probably would if I felt better about myself. But I suppose I never will because there will always be threads like this on what I consider friendly message boards.

 

So big girls in bikinis, as long as you keep it up maybe I'll get over myself.

Seriously, maybe one day I'll join you.

 

Or, hey we could go on unhealthy crash diets and get waxed together (since that's the new complaint). Then, we could get Skellator skinny AND be hairless and just have them bash us because our hair style doesn't go, or our nails are funky.

 

:grouphug:

ok, I'll wade in.....

I'm with most of the moms [starting w/ Nick's mama, et al] saying that the bikini isn't the issue.

 

for the pool/beach I wear some cute little swimshorts to cover my stretchyikes!marks [probably waaaay too short for the modest moms] and a bikini top.

I usually toss a mesh shirt on over it.

sometimes i'll wear a one-piece. depends on my mood.

I wear [kinda...] a bikini at home to lay out and tan.

 

But I consider attitudes and actions when I'm looking for appropriateness and tastefulness. If you are almost falling out of a teensy bikini but are a helpful, sweet person who would save my kid from drowning, I would swim w/ you. If you are a rude gritch of a person I don't care how "tasteful" your suit is.

Even my 15yo son understands this principle. So does my dh and 3 other sons.

 

Modesty and appropriateness are heart attitudes, not determined by what one wears. If you teach that it's about sexuality, then that's what the kids learn. If you teach that there's more to people than just sexuality, THAT's what they will learn. If it became "about the bikini" I would know it's time to address the issue again.

:iagree: (I hear an Amen)

In the spirit of not being judgmental: I will say that I'm stunned how beautiful many of the moms at the pool are in their one and two pieces.

 

I honestly think women are a lot more beautiful than they realize. Which is sad when you think about it.

 

Alley

(and again)

 

 

 

 

 

 

As for hair... really, was no one ever told, "don't worry about whatever so and so is doing, worry about yourself." I don't shave that often, I wore short today with stubble, woohoohahaha and I did it in a grocery store (evil music) and there were children... and women and men and incredibly..... NO ONE WAS SCARED, SCARRED OR INJURED!

[Highereducation]

Wow. Just wow. I hope you kids make enough money to pay for their therapy.

 

And your opinion matters to me why?

 

It doesn't even make any sense. Might want to use that spell check and look at what you typed before you post!

Edited July 6, 2009 by Highereducation

[swimmermom3]

ok, I'll wade in.....

 

But I consider attitudes and actions when I'm looking for appropriateness and tastefulness. If you are almost falling out of a teensy bikini but are a helpful, sweet person who would save my kid from drowning, I would swim w/ you. If you are a rude gritch of a person I don't care how "tasteful" your suit is.

Even my 15yo son understands this principle. So does my dh and 3 other sons.

 

Modesty and appropriateness are heart attitudes, not determined by what one wears. If you teach that it's about sexuality, then that's what the kids learn. If you teach that there's more to people than just sexuality, THAT's what they will learn. If it became "about the bikini" I would know it's time to address the issue again.

 

Peek a Boo-thank you for wading in-mesh top and all. I think you have come to the core of the matter.

 

I am wondering what happens a few years down the line for children who are taught that the vision of human flesh beyond hands, feet, and face of someone other than your spouse is only about sexuality. Or that the old, the heavy, the ill are repulsive objects for pity. My mother would agree with so many of you here about keeping things covered up. 5 years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. One night, I went over to help her with the drains after surgery. She kept apologizing that I should have to "see" her. All I could think was, "Mom, I'm not looking at your chest. I'm working on this with gratitude that you are alive and that things are going okay. If I'm green it's because I'm terrified of hurting you in the process."

 

Maybe one day our children will have to turn us over to keep us from getting bedsores or change a diaper while we are in hospice care. Someday, my daughter may have to change a drain on my chest. I don't know. I hope our children are able to handle it without shame and judgment. Life does happen and it does leave its mark on all of us.

 

You may find my appearance at the pool distasteful. I find the fact that another woman would look at me, figure out how much weight I needed to lose and then mentally devise various workouts for me for a bit-umm- "disturbing". Unless you are a fitness trainer and find it difficult to leave work at the gym.

[Highereducation]

So, when I next see 89-year-old "E" at a swim meet, I should walk up to her and let her know how it "really" is. "E-honey, since most of your peers are in nursing homes and unable to get around much, you need to go home and stay home. After all, you're scaring the kids." "Never mind, that you are 89 and still racing a 400 IM. It's not about the healthy lifestyle, it's about how you look." "Now go home you brazen hussy and sit in your recliner where you belong." "Have you no dignity or pride?"

 

"E"'s 4' of blue-hair, sags,wrinkles,and spunk galore. And yes, I think she is positively gorgeous. I also think she is an outstanding role model for myself and my children.

 

Honey, you go ahead and do whatever you want. Because if you're taking my opinion that seriously and getting all defensive, obviously I hit a nerve!

[TwinMominTX]

I guess I would be the gal who makes the majority of you lose your lunch. I'm a big woman who loves to swim when I have the time. Oh, and those varicose veins-bring 'em on baby.

 

I go to the pool, shove my bookends and all into a size 16 polyester swimsuit (no bikini, or little skirty thing), put on cap and the goggles whose marks won't leave my face for four hours (I'm over 40, are you all green yet?) and I get in the water and lap swim. Now I do have to "parade" past the 16-21 year-old male lifeguards, most of whom I know from swim team and as friends of my older kids. They must have terrible mothers because instead of averting their eyes, I usually hear, "Hey Mrs. B., good to see (he doesn't really mean that, right?) you, you missed the last two days." Rats.

 

Those old men in Speedos? Every summer, my dh and I make sure we are available to run electronic timing for the Masters meets. I love, positivly love watching those "old" men and women in Speedos race. I'm not looking at their suits thinking "suitable" Christian thoughts like, "How obscene and immoral." I'm thinking that for that 65-year-old man to have a 6-pack it takes incredible self-discipline and hard work. The 50-year-old woman with the suit up her backside who just broke a world record- I am in tears at her beauty and strength. These "old", "ugly", "less-than-perfect" people are amazing. They come in all shapes and sizes and they wear swimsuits in public.

 

I'm sorry if I offend you morally and asthetically. I am still going to the pool today. Only instead of making a quick, embarrassed, entrance and exit into the pool I am going to hold my head high. I am going to swim as I always do, for my health, for my family, for my sense of connection and peace, and because today, I'm really pi**ed off.

 

You are awesome!!!

[LibraryLover]

Why are people looking at the pubic region of others? One poster said her teen son looks away from breasts and women in bikinis. It shouldn't be too hard for women to not stare or care about a woman who chooses not to shave.

 

Come on girls, if a (I'm assuming straight) teen boy can ignore women who are not covered, surely we can do the same.

[LibraryLover]

Honey, you go ahead and do whatever you want. Because if you're taking my opinion that seriously and getting all defensive, obviously I hit a nerve!

 

 

Honey, you obviously missed getting off the bus at your local public (gasp!) middle school.

[Highereducation]

Honey, you obviously missed getting off the bus at your local public (gasp!) middle school.

 

Wow. Is that the best you can do? I am so put in my place! The [gasp] really clinches it!

[Karen sn]

:001_huh:

 

If I had a moral opposition to bare skin, the last places I'd go are the beach or the pool.

 

Well said.

We can't all swim in clothes. Some of us would drown!

I would rather swim naked - but have to wear a bikini so I can stay out of jail.

[HeatherLynn]

If I felt comfortable with it, I would. I wear a swim dress because I do not want to show my messed up body and fat rolls, but I don't care what you wear. I may be grossed out by it or use it to teach my children a lesson. I wish people would exercise more good sense, but they aren't going to.

 

My DD does wear a two piece because with her build a 1 piece is IMPOSSIBLE. She is 5'5", still flat chested, and has a j-lo bottom. Even boy shorts look like a thong on her! A one piece she constantly has to dig out, if YKWIM. So, we have to get bikini bottoms and a tankini top. Since she is so long waisted, even a longer tankini top shows her belly. I'd rather her belly show that her ta-tas or her rear.

[swimmermom3]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Well said! I was approaching this from an age perspective, not a body image perspective.

 

40 year old woman in a bikini - why? And this has nothing to do with Europe. In Europe, women age gracefully. They're secure in themselves. It's a different culture. In America, women are dragged kicking and screaming away from being 20. Being called old is the worst insult ever. Instead of embracing their wisdom and accepting a new phase in their life, they try to hang onto every remaining shred of youth.

 

In our culture, bikini = sex. Wearing a bikini is asking to be looked at. So for all of the posters that are calling foul for *gossip* and *criticism* -hey, if women who wear bikinis don't like the attention they're getting, whether it be positive or negative, then they shouldn't hang the goods out for inspection.

 

And if they want to parade around like that in public - yes, public - then they're fair game for those of us who would rather not have to look at them.

 

It's not snark. It's opinion. Does anyone here honestly think that the majority of these women look good? Because the truth is, they don't. Sure, there are exceptions. And this is not a weight issue, either. After a certain age, when things go south and sag and wrinkle, it's just not a good look at all, even for a woman who's skinny.

 

 

Honey, you go ahead and do whatever you want. Because if you're taking my opinion that seriously and getting all defensive, obviously I hit a nerve!

 

You were joking?:001_huh: Oh, I'm so relieved.

[Karen sn]

It's the same way I feel when I think of mom and dad....um.... being affectionate. Yuck! In my (probably very prude) mind that kind of thing never happened and my sisters and I were virgin births.

 

 

 

The whole virgin/whore dicotomy.

We are one or the other unfortunately.

But even the Virgin Mary is no longer a virgin - Jesus had siblings.

[Karen sn]

And your opinion matters to me why?

 

It doesn't even make any sense. Might want to use that spell check and look at what you typed before you post!

 

ouch.

[Karen sn]

Modesty is often taken too far, to the point that it can actually harm people.

 

AMEN! If we weren't such an insane culture - and we could see other bodies as just bodies and not sex objects, we'd have less eating disorders and way less plastic surgery!

[Crissy]

AMEN! If we weren't such an insane culture - and we could see other bodies as just bodies and not sex objects, we'd have less eating disorders and way less plastic surgery!

 

As a culture, we do seem to hate the human body, don't we?

[PineFarmMom]

 

Maybe one day our children will have to turn us over to keep us from getting bedsores or change a diaper while we are in hospice care. Someday, my daughter may have to change a drain on my chest. I don't know. I hope our children are able to handle it without shame and judgment. Life does happen and it does leave its mark on all of us.

 

 

 

I guess I don't see what wearing a bikini and hospice care have to do with one another. While I like what you had to say and appreciate it because I have had an elderly person in my life that I have helped care for in that manner, I just don't see how the two relate. I see a person choosing to divulge way too much at a pool different than being cared for in their old age. One is a choice. The other is a need met by loved ones.

 

I think there has gotten to be a lot of arrogance around this whole topic. We choose to be modest. I have, in the past, seen a few people at a public pool that I will boldly say really had no business wearing a bikini and it was quite off-putting. I didn't make it my goal to look, but sometimes it is just. in. your. face!! Somehow those who hold my opinion are just being raked over the coals at this point. I don't care what you wear to a pool, but please have respect for those around you while you're at it.

 

There also seems a double-standard. When someone says something about modesty at a pool they are being judgmental. When a person lambasts and verbally abuses a person for choosing to spank, that's okay. ???:confused::confused::confused: Weird stuff!!

[Tami]

OK - am I the only one who doesn't see that much difference between a 1-piece and a bikini? What's the difference - one features a bare and the other a covered belly? Yes, women have breasts, and any suit will reveal the inconvenient truth. If you're going to go modest, you should cover your arms, legs, and all of your chest! I mean really the nerve of these immodest people showing their knees in public! :tongue_smilie:

 

I honestly have more important things to worry about. :)

Edited July 6, 2009 by Tami

[LibraryLover]

Wow. Is that the best you can do? I am so put in my place! The [gasp] really clinches it!

 

 

It's the best I'd bother to do for someone as shallow as you seem.

[Peek a Boo]

I guess I don't see what wearing a bikini and hospice care have to do with one another. While I like what you had to say and appreciate it because I have had an elderly person in my life that I have helped care for in that manner, I just don't see how the two relate. I see a person choosing to divulge way too much at a pool different than being cared for in their old age. One is a choice. The other is a need met by loved ones.

 

 

The point/relation is in how that help can [or can't] be received. Because of the views of the human body that have been perpetrated by "cover up! everything!" it has lasting effects on the family down the road.

[LibraryLover]

As a culture, we do seem to hate the human body, don't we?

 

 

Not all of us. But :iagree:

[Karen sn]

 

While I don't want myself or my daughter to over sexualize our bodies, I certainly wouldn't want us to try to cover them up NEEDLESSLY lest someone see a protrusion of flesh that is normal.QUOTE]

 

It's almost as if - in the mad rush to make sure we are not sexualized - we actually *are* sexualizing ourselves. If no one freaked out - then no one would freak out.

[Karen sn]

Bravo, Joanne!

 

Mothers often become the standard of beauty that our children use in judging others. If I'm constantly demonstrating a sense of shame about my skin, insisting that others must cover up too, then when my sons' wives become mothers, will my sons twinge with disgust at the sight of their wives' stretch marks, their cellulose, their flabby parts? I want my children to see a real woman and think home-comfort-love-family-safety, not judgmental disgust. The smell of sawdust always makes me feel loved, even though my dad was objectively gross, sweaty and covered with it. I say, let your children see your real belly, so they will associate that with the people they value, so they will know that all bodies don't look like Victoria Secret models, so they can love what's real.

Yep!

[Crissy]

One poster said her teen son looks away from breasts and women in bikinis. It shouldn't be too hard for women to not stare or care about a woman who chooses not to shave.

 

Come on girls, if a (I'm assuming straight) teen boy can ignore women who are not covered, surely we can do the same.

 

Definitely straight. ;)

 

I am wondering what happens a few years down the line for children who are taught that the vision of human flesh beyond hands, feet, and face of someone other than your spouse is only about sexuality. .

I don't think this was in response to my post, but since I brought up my teenage son I'll go ahead and comment.

My son looks away from bikini-clad women and girls in tiny tops not because he has been given the impression that the body is a shameful thing, but because he is sensitive about anyone thinking that all he sees in a girl is her body.

He is just fifteen, so it will probably take some time for him to find a comfortable way of speaking with or being around a girl in skimpy clothing and knowing that there is a pleasant middle ground between turning away from her and gawking at her.

He is a very respectful young man who would hate to make anyone feel uncomfortable in his company.

[Dirtroad]

AMEN! If we weren't such an insane culture - and we could see other bodies as just bodies and not sex objects, we'd have less eating disorders and way less plastic surgery!

 

Oh, I think the looking at women's bodies as sex objects has been around since the beginning of man.:tongue_smilie: Look at ancient art in India & China - some would argue that it is pornographic. Look at the perception of the body in many suppressive relegions... keep it covered so some man (even an uncle) won't be tempted. Men have so much trouble with it... so visual.

 

I think we just show more of it today & try to make it too perfect.

[LibraryLover]

Oh, I think the looking at women's bodies as sex objects has been around since the beginning of man.:tongue_smilie: Look at ancient art in India & China - some would argue that it is pornographic. Look at the perception of the body in many suppressive relegions... keep it covered so some man (even an uncle) won't be tempted. Men have so much trouble with it... so visual.

 

I think we just show more of it today & try to make it too perfect.

 

 

We show more of it today?

 

I don't think so.

 

:) Not being mean, just looking at human history.

[Melinda in VT]

Just speaking for myself here. I really, really wish more pools would have a day set aside for those that don't want to mix swim. Several across the country are doing this for Muslim and Jewish mamas...but alas, not here, even in the middle of Lancaster County! The last time I signed my children up for swim lessons and my tot and I for a MOM & ME class (during a low attendance time, none the less), I ended up with most of the Mom & Me class being DADS and a couple with their wives wearing dental floss. I had a decent figure at the time, wore a very modest black one piece with attached overlay. My daughter and I were both embarrassed. Neither of us are used to showing that much of our bodies to MEN as we believe strongly in modesty, something that appears to be a lost concept in much of today's society.

 

Wow. It would never occur to me that a Mom & Me class was limited to only mothers or even only women. I would assume it was just a dated way of saying parent/caregiver-and-child class. I would expect it to have moms, dad, and nannies, and for everyone to be too busy dealing with clinging kids to be checking anyone out.

 

Stay-at-home dads are still enough of a minority that it doesn't make sense most places for there to be Dad & Me classes. It would be a shame to bar them and their kids from activities just because they are are not women.

 

And since the teacher or the pool didn't tell them they couldn't come, I'm assuming that is also how they meant the class name to be interpreted.

[mommaduck]

Wow. It would never occur to me that a Mom & Me class was limited to only mothers or even only women. I would assume it was just a dated way of saying parent/caregiver-and-child class. I would expect it to have moms, dad, and nannies, and for everyone to be too busy dealing with clinging kids to be checking anyone out.

 

Stay-at-home dads are still enough of a minority that it doesn't make sense most places for there to be Dad & Me classes. It would be a shame to bar them and their kids from activities just because they are are not women.

 

And since the teacher or the pool didn't tell them they couldn't come, I'm assuming that is also how they meant the class name to be interpreted.

 

Then it should be called a Parent & Child Class. I have absolutely no problem with them including Dads AS LONG AS they make it clear to others. Every single time I spoke with the Y leading up to the class the words used were "Moms", "Mothers", "Mom and toddler bonding time", "special time for Moms", etc. SOME of us are as rare as SAHD's and would actually like to have the option of 1) knowing that we are getting what was advertised to us and 2) being permitted to make a decision based on ACCURATE information.

[mommaduck]

The whole virgin/whore dicotomy.

We are one or the other unfortunately.

But even the Virgin Mary is no longer a virgin - Jesus had siblings.

 

Yes, but there is no where in Scripture that states those children were Mary's ;) They could very well have been Joseph's children from a previous marriage or close relatives from the same town.

[happyWImom]

I don't have an issue with a mom in a bikini. I do have issues with large women who wear them - mostly because I don't want to see all that! But, if you are a hot momma, then by all means, show it off. That said, I wouldn't be caught dead in a bikini, or swimsuit of any sort. I am 5'6" and about 140 pounds which is just too much to shove in a bikini or bathing suit and feel comfortable. However, if I was a size 5 and sexy, heck yeah I would wear one! My kids will survive. I wouldn't be wearing one of the slutty ones (that are basically just a crack and nipple cover)...but a bikini like this one (if I looked like her!)... Absolutely!

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:If I was ever able to get my stomach to look like that, not to mention my thighs (never have, never will:() knowing all of the hard work that went into it, YES, I would wear a bikini. Until then, no.

[mommaduck]

BTW, Modesty is not always about sexuality, covering up sexuality, considering sexuality as a shameful or disgraceful thing, etc. Sexuality has it's place and it's variances based on circumstance. I don't need to bare my sexuality to make it a good and positive thing.

[swimmermom3]

Definitely straight. ;)

 

 

I don't think this was in response to my post, but since I brought up my teenage son I'll go ahead and comment.

My son looks away from bikini-clad women and girls in tiny tops not because he has been given the impression that the body is a shameful thing, but because he is sensitive about anyone thinking that all he sees in a girl is her body.

He is just fifteen, so it will probably take some time for him to find a comfortable way of speaking with or being around a girl in skimpy clothing and knowing that there is a pleasant middle ground between turning away from her and gawking at her.

He is a very respectful young man who would hate to make anyone feel uncomfortable in his company.

 

Crissy, I wasn't responding to your post. It sounds like you've done a great job with your son. I know that my 14-year-old ds can talk to a girl in a swimsuit because he has been around them most of his life but a girl in shorts and a tank can leave him embarrassed. You're right about finding that pleasant middle ground.

 

I can understand being uncomfortable in the presence of someone exposing more than you, your dh, or your children are comfortable with if that is in accordance to your values.

 

What I have struggled with on this thread isn't the "bikini factor". It's the implication in some of the posts that no woman over a certain age should appear in a swimsuit (of any kind) anywhere public if they have children or less than perfect bodies. To do so, would be morally or more importantly it seems, aesthetically offensive to the posters. They have a right to be at the pool, others don't.

 

Yah, I guess Highereducation is right. Some of the posts have hit a nerve with me. Unkindness, cattiness, along with heavy dose of judgement-passing in the same sentence as "morality" usually do puzzle me.

[Peek a Boo]

BTW, Modesty is not always about sexuality, covering up sexuality, considering sexuality as a shameful or disgraceful thing, etc. Sexuality has it's place and it's variances based on circumstance. I don't need to bare my sexuality to make it a good and positive thing.

 

agreed. and bare skin is not always about sexuality --or modesty-- either.

[OnTheBrink]

Yes, but there is no where in Scripture that states those children were Mary's ;) They could very well have been Joseph's children from a previous marriage or close relatives from the same town.

 

And there's nothing in Scripture to back up those suppositions, either.

[Orthodox6]

The following is for informational purposes. It is absolutely not for engendering fighting. It is only for informational purposes.

 

Some Protestants believe that, I realize.

 

The Church, however, always has taught that St. Joseph the Foster Father was an elderly widower when the Theotokos (aka "Virgin Mary") was given into his protective care. He had children from his first marriage. The Church also rejects categorically and nonnegotiably any claim that the Ever-Virgin Mary, as she also is referenced, ever had marital relations or subsequent children.

 

There is no need to look in the Holy Bible for a "proof text" because you will not find one. One is not needed.

 

Again, this was information, only, for those who might be interested in "the other side of the story", as they say on the news broadcasts.

 

 

The whole virgin/whore dicotomy.

We are one or the other unfortunately.

But even the Virgin Mary is no longer a virgin - Jesus had siblings.

Edited July 7, 2009 by Orthodox6

[Crissy]

The following is for informational purposes. It is absolutely not for engendering fighting. It is only for informational purposes.

 

Some Protestants believe that, I realize.

 

The Church, however, always has taught that St. Joseph the Forefather was an elderly widower when the Theotokos (aka "Virgin Mary") was given into his protective care. He had children from his first marriage. The Church also rejects categorically and nonnegotiably any claim that the Ever-Virgin Mary, as she also is referenced, ever had marital relations or subsequent children.

 

There is no need to look in the Holy Bible for a "proof text" because you will not find one. One is not needed.

 

Again, this was information, only, for those who might be interested in "the other side of the story", as they say on the news broadcasts.

 

I'm glad you posted what this Protestant never knew.

[mommaduck]

The following is for informational purposes. It is absolutely not for engendering fighting. It is only for informational purposes.

 

Some Protestants believe that, I realize.

 

The Church, however, always has taught that St. Joseph the Foster Father was an elderly widower when the Theotokos (aka "Virgin Mary") was given into his protective care. He had children from his first marriage. The Church also rejects categorically and nonnegotiably any claim that the Ever-Virgin Mary, as she also is referenced, ever had marital relations or subsequent children.

 

There is no need to look in the Holy Bible for a "proof text" because you will not find one. One is not needed.

 

Again, this was information, only, for those who might be interested in "the other side of the story", as they say on the news broadcasts.

 

And many historical Protestants held to this as well ;)

[OnTheBrink]

I'm always curious why Mary's perpetual virginity (or not) is an issue. Does it matter, really? It has nothing to do with Christ or salvation. If she did have other children, does it take away from who Christ is?

 

I think it's one of those issues that people fight over for no real good reason.

[Mrs Mungo]

You know every year when this topic comes up (like it does every year) I always have to remind myself to not be insulted. I appreciate your ability to have your own opinion and I'm aware that to come to your own opinion you need to feel it's the "right thing". However, can you keep in mind that I feel my opinion is the "right thing" as well? Just because I am small and my body did handle pregnancy well, doesn't mean I'm immoral or damaging my children for life because I wear a bikini?

 

I'm not wearing a bikini for attention. I'm not wearing a bikini because I want everyone to look at my body. If you're wearing a swimsuit of any kind, the same thing could be said for you. If it's remotely skintight, your body is being seen. Whether it's the outline or the reality, it's there for all to see.

 

This is almost all about the country most of us on here live in. If you live in North America, then your ideals of modesty are skewed from much of the rest of the world. It's only immodest because we don't see it much here. If you lived in much of Europe or much else of the world seeing the human body wouldn't mean what it does. Something is only as taboo as the culture you put it in. A topless, bikini, speedo, or even nude body just isn't that big of a deal elsewhere. Your perspective is swayed by your atmosphere.

 

However, I would appreciate that you think on how you say things. You calling me immodest or a bad mother because I wear bikinis is beyond rude. It's offensive and assumptive.

 

P.S. looking at the OP's post count, I realize she probably woudn't have been here for last year's version of this post. :)

 

P.P.S. I have playing with the toddler bikinis and lounging with only my hubby bikinis. I'm not falling out while splashing and playing.

 

:iagree: I couldn't agree more.

I lived in Europe for 5 years. I've been with my husband for 18 years. I'm not wearing a bikini to entice your sons or husbands. I'm not wearing it to flaunt anything. I'm wearing it because I'm Native American and I like to be tan. I don't share your delicate sensibilities. I don't have your same body hang-ups. I'm 5'1", 135 lbs and I don't care if I have a bit of cellulite here and there or my breasts aren't what they once were after nursing for almost 8 years. My husband *complains* when I *don't* wear a bikini to the beach. He *likes* to look at me that way, even if you don't. Your priorities, husband, hang-ups, etc are not mine.

 

If you want to rant about women implying that women who wear bikinis are attention-seeking Jezebels who don't know their place in the world or don't realize they are too fat and you want to say "hey, that's my opinion" well, that's fine but you should be *fully* prepared for someone to think you are an uptight, judgmental Puritan. Why act all shocked about it? You have to realize there are people who think differently than you, this is a sort-of diverse board. It's not a fundamentalist homeschooling board.

 

This *is* cultural and not everyone shares the same opinion. Nobody in Europe would think twice about my bikini. Neither do they think twice about the Muslim women swimming in a full-body swimsuit and hair covering. They mind their own business.

 

I did find the post about the possibility of a non-mixed swim day to avoid the presence of men rather funny in this discussion. In Germany when the schwimmbads have "frau day" it is so the women can be naked the whole time.

 

I try to teach my children that our values are our own and not everyone shares them. I don't have tattoos but don't judge people who do. I shave my legs but I don't judge those who prefer the natural look. I wear a bikini but I don't assume the women in one-pieces have body-image issues. I don't wear a *tiny* bikini but again, I don't care that some women do, even when those women are much larger than I am.

 

If you don't want your sons exposed to "half-naked" women keep them off the beach. You'll find women and men of all shapes, sizes, ages and levels of hairiness here on the beach in Hawaii in various swimsuit-coverage-levels. This includes naked babies (so cute!) and old men who change openly in the beach parking lot (technically not legal but nobody does anything).

 

And yes, I realize this is an annual thread and I have entered this fray before. I just can't help it!

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

:iagree: I couldn't agree more.

I lived in Europe for 5 years. I've been with my husband for 18 years. I'm not wearing a bikini to entice your sons or husbands. I'm not wearing it to flaunt anything. I'm wearing it because I'm Native American and I like to be tan. I don't share your delicate sensibilities. I don't have your same body hang-ups. I'm 5'1", 135 lbs and I don't care if I have a bit of cellulite here and there or my breasts aren't what they once were after nursing for almost 8 years. My husband *complains* when I *don't* wear a bikini to the beach. He *likes* to look at me that way, even if you don't. Your priorities, husband, hang-ups, etc are not mine.

 

If you want to rant about women implying that women who wear bikinis are attention-seeking Jezebels who don't know their place in the world or don't realize they are too fat and you want to say "hey, that's my opinion" well, that's fine but you should be *fully* prepared for someone to think you are an uptight, judgmental Puritan. Why act all shocked about it? You have to realize there are people who think differently than you, this is a sort-of diverse board. It's not a fundamentalist homeschooling board.

 

This *is* cultural and not everyone shares the same opinion. Nobody in Europe would think twice about my bikini. Neither do they think twice about the Muslim women swimming in a full-body swimsuit and hair covering. They mind their own business.

 

I did find the post about the possibility of a non-mixed swim day to avoid the presence of men rather funny in this discussion. In Germany when the schwimmbads have "frau day" it is so the women can be naked the whole time.

 

I try to teach my children that our values are our own and not everyone shares them. I don't have tattoos but don't judge people who do. I shave my legs but I don't judge those who prefer the natural look. I wear a bikini but I don't assume the women in one-pieces have body-image issues. I don't wear a *tiny* bikini but again, I don't care that some women do, even when those women are much larger than I am.

 

If you don't want your sons exposed to "half-naked" women keep them off the beach. You'll find women and men of all shapes, sizes, ages and levels of hairiness here on the beach in Hawaii in various swimsuit-coverage-levels. This includes naked babies (so cute!) and old men who change openly in the beach parking lot (technically not legal but nobody does anything).

 

And yes, I realize this is an annual thread and I have entered this fray before. I just can't help it!

 

I'm glad you stepped in!! We've missed you, Mrs. Mungo.

[Kathy in MD]

I guess I don't see what wearing a bikini and hospice care have to do with one another. While I like what you had to say and appreciate it because I have had an elderly person in my life that I have helped care for in that manner, I just don't see how the two relate. I see a person choosing to divulge way too much at a pool different than being cared for in their old age. One is a choice. The other is a need met by loved ones.

 

Modesty is why my grandmother didn't tell her ds's what type of "female problems" she had. Given later family history, I suspect cancer, but she wouldn't tell. She told her one surviving dd, but none of her ds's or her dil's. That would have been immodest. BTW, my dgm would also have railed about the immodesty of miniskirts and bikinis. It was all s*x related to her.

 

So thanks to her modesty, my sister and I and our doctors had no idea that sister and I were at a high risk for reproductive cancers. My sister had a long spell between suspection and diagnosis. But I was in for a biopsy fast because of my sister's diagnosis. Good thing, because my mameogram didn't show a thing, even though they were looking for cancer. How many years would it have gone undetected without that biopsy. BTW, my sister wasn't old, she was only 30.

 

And I still maintain that modesty is why reproductive diseases were only spoke of in hushed tones 20 years ago. After all, the diseases dealt in s*xual items. Thank goodness for the "immodest" inndividuals that moved reproductive cancers out of the "bedroom" and into the area of health concerns.

 

I think there has gotten to be a lot of arrogance around this whole topic. We choose to be modest.

 

That's fine. Please never let it get in the way of health or even an unnatural interest in s*x. I've seen modesty raised to such a level that some teens were overly concerned with it. "It must be something good, or the adults would't be so fixated on it!" Or that they couldn't relax with their own bodies, because it was "evil". And you may not mean to give off that attitude, but some kids will interpret it that way. So please do frequent reality checks with your kids.

 

And yes, I know that that can go the other way with a more relaxed attitude about modesty. The more relaxed also need to do reality checks.

 

I have, in the past, seen a few people at a public pool that I will boldly say really had no business wearing a bikini and it was quite off-putting. I didn't make it my goal to look, but sometimes it is just. in. your. face!! Somehow those who hold my opinion are just being raked over the coals at this point. I don't care what you wear to a pool, but please have respect for those around you while you're at it.

 

Hey, I've had that reaction to some people in the stores. And they were wearing long shorts and standard knit shirts with white socks and dress shoes. But I know that's mostly my problem, not theirs. Though I still appreciate those who can look put together.

 

There also seems a double-standard. When someone says something about modesty at a pool they are being judgmental. When a person lambasts and verbally abuses a person for choosing to spank, that's okay. ???:confused::confused::confused: Weird stuff!!

 

Yes, there are those who automatically condemn those who spank. Perhaps it's because they've seen cases where it's gotten out of hand. Perhaps it's for other reasons.

 

But many others on that thread, myself included, question it's *automatic* application. Spanking, despite what another mother has told me, doesn't always work, but some think that all that means is that you need to spank more. I've learned the hard way, that's not true.

Edited July 7, 2009 by Kathy in MD

[Kay in Cal]

:iagree: It just makes me feel happy that they are comfortable with who they are. I hate feeling judged and looked down upon myself. I'm not a bikini wearer myself, but personally, I think cruel and cutting comments about the passersby set a far worse model for children than any sort of bathing suit ever could.

[Elaine]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Well said! I was approaching this from an age perspective, not a body image perspective.

 

40 year old woman in a bikini - why? And this has nothing to do with Europe. In Europe, women age gracefully. They're secure in themselves. It's a different culture. In America, women are dragged kicking and screaming away from being 20. Being called old is the worst insult ever. Instead of embracing their wisdom and accepting a new phase in their life, they try to hang onto every remaining shred of youth.

 

In our culture, bikini = sex. Wearing a bikini is asking to be looked at. So for all of the posters that are calling foul for *gossip* and *criticism* -hey, if women who wear bikinis don't like the attention they're getting, whether it be positive or negative, then they shouldn't hang the goods out for inspection.

 

And if they want to parade around like that in public - yes, public - then they're fair game for those of us who would rather not have to look at them.

 

It's not snark. It's opinion. Does anyone here honestly think that the majority of these women look good? Because the truth is, they don't. Sure, there are exceptions. And this is not a weight issue, either. After a certain age, when things go south and sag and wrinkle, it's just not a good look at all, even for a woman who's skinny.

 

You are entitled to your opinion, I agree. But bikini, IMO, does not equal sex. You can't say that a bikini=sex and not include regular bathing suits in with them. I have seen one-piece suits that leave less to the imagination than some two-piece suits.

 

Men look at women, regardless of what they are wearing so your argument that wearing a bikini is asking to be looked at does not hold up very well. As to the age issue, well, I am 37 and I look better in my bathing suit than most 20 year old girls that I see at the beach. And, being almost 40, I am very secure with myself, as I think most women here are, so you are really making a lot of generalizations.

[Jennifer in MI]

Okay - I gotta' say - my kids love to swim and I'm too embarassed by my body to get into a suit and go. It's stupid and I know it. I am a reasonable weight for my height, yet, I feel fat. I don't care what type of suit I'm in - I'm uncomfortable. I'm sick of it!!

 

I'm so impressed with those of you who are brave enough to show up and swim even though you don't have the "perfect" body. I don't care what you're wearing - you are much braver than I.

 

Tomorrow, I vow to take my kids to the pool and I will put on my suit and I will swim with them.

 

So, thank you. I will always remember this conversation!

[Elaine]

I just now got that joke. :lol:

 

Try to keep up, Lynn!:D

[Elaine]

And your opinion matters to me why?

 

It doesn't even make any sense. Might want to use that spell check and look at what you typed before you post!

 

Are you always this rude? So much for higher education.:001_rolleyes:

[Renthead Mommy]

Okay - I gotta' say - my kids love to swim and I'm too embarassed by my body to get into a suit and go. It's stupid and I know it. I am a reasonable weight for my height, yet, I feel fat. I don't care what type of suit I'm in - I'm uncomfortable. I'm sick of it!!

 

I'm so impressed with those of you who are brave enough to show up and swim even though you don't have the "perfect" body. I don't care what you're wearing - you are much braver than I.

 

Tomorrow, I vow to take my kids to the pool and I will put on my suit and I will swim with them.

 

So, thank you. I will always remember this conversation!

 

You go girl! All that matters is what you think!

[Kathy in MD]

Oh, I think the looking at women's bodies as sex objects has been around since the beginning of man.:tongue_smilie: Look at ancient art in India & China - some would argue that it is pornographic. Look at the perception of the body in many suppressive relegions... keep it covered so some man (even an uncle) won't be tempted. Men have so much trouble with it... so visual.

 

I think we just show more of it today & try to make it too perfect.

 

But yet other cultures have don't problems with bare body parts that would get people thrown in jail here. The men don't seem to have hang-ups about it. They are taught from an early age that that's just a normal body and normal dress (or undress :D) These cultures also usually have a better acceptance of nursing as a natural function.

 

Maybe it's not so much a visual attraction as a forbidden attraction for men.

[Crissy]

As to the age issue, well, I am 37 and I look better in my bathing suit than most 20 year old girls that I see at the beach.

 

She's not kidding. I've seen the pictures, and Elaine looks amazing in a bikini.

My son might be embarrassed, but I'm just plain envious.

 

:D

[Mrs Mungo]

Okay - I gotta' say - my kids love to swim and I'm too embarassed by my body to get into a suit and go. It's stupid and I know it. I am a reasonable weight for my height, yet, I feel fat. I don't care what type of suit I'm in - I'm uncomfortable. I'm sick of it!!

 

I'm so impressed with those of you who are brave enough to show up and swim even though you don't have the "perfect" body. I don't care what you're wearing - you are much braver than I.

 

Tomorrow, I vow to take my kids to the pool and I will put on my suit and I will swim with them.

 

So, thank you. I will always remember this conversation!

 

You can do it!!!!!! :party:

[Jennifer in MI]

You go girl! All that matters is what you think!

 

You can do it!!!!!! :party:

 

Thanks guys! Seriously - I'm going in!!! I'm so used to sitting on the side of the pool with a book while dh swims with the kids. But, I WILL do it!! (And, I have a two-piece! It's a tankini, but it's two pieces!! LOL)