Moms & bikinis (slight rant, and a LITTLE tmi)

[Cricket]

Oh, don't say that! I LOVE the beach and pool. I'm morally opposed to children seeing too much of their mother's skin. IMO, there are some things I don't want to know or see. You know mom has those parts....I just don't want to have them right in my face. It's the same way I feel when I think of mom and dad....um.... being affectionate. Yuck! In my (probably very prude) mind that kind of thing never happened and my sisters and I were virgin births.

 

It doesn't bother me when I see younger, childless women at the beach if they are wearing a bathingsuit (bikini or otherwise) that is tasteful. The picture that was posted before is a great example. That woman looks terrific...but I wouldn't want to see her like that if she were my mother!

 

This may not be a popular opinion, I just think things change when you're a mom, and walking around half-naked in public is just something that should be off limits--for the sake of the kids!

 

I'm just the opposite. I have a problem with young unmarried women walking around advertising everything they have. 14- and 15-year-old girls have no business wearing bikinis, imo. They are too young to be dressing in a way that could attract unwanted attention. At our city pool I've run into a few people from Europe. The women wore two-piece swimming suits and don't have perfect bodies. I admired how confident they were. They didn't parade around trying to attract attention. They simply played with their children. I wear a two-piece. Usually I wear the skirt with it but sometimes I don't because it does get in the way if I'm trying to actually swim. But heck, I've had 4 children and wear a size 4. I've earned it! :lol:

[TravelingChris]

I wear a one piece. I have worn a one piece forever. That said, I think that the less hang-ups about our bodies the better. My girls don't wear bikinis either but I am not going to pools, beaches or anyplace to stare at bodies. I go to swim, watch my kids swim and dive, or enjoy the beach. There is so much revealing stuff out there on tv, movies, ads, real life, that I really can't get too excited over less than perfect bodies being revealed.

[Julie in Austin]

. . . the person looks like a half-opened can of biscuits

 

Gah! It is going to take a long time to get that image out of my head!

 

(Seriously, that was brilliant. You should be a writer.)

[Ginevra]

You must be related to my former neighbor, Megan the Magnificent. :tongue_smilie: No kidding. She had three HUGE babies during the five years she was my neighbor. My girlfriends would just marvel at her figure. She would have a baby and be back in (marvelous) shape in a matter of a month!! I would see her outside in shorts and a cute fitted top and I'd call my husband out to see her just to make sure she wasn't a mirage....!

 

I may actually be, as my SIL is named Megan! She's a gorgeous woman, I'll give her that. She had a Halloween party when her second baby was ONE month old. When I had one-month-old babies, there was no way I was making any food beyond breastmilk, let alone cleaning and decorating. :D

[PineFarmMom]

Gah! It is going to take a long time to get that image out of my head!

 

(Seriously, that was brilliant. You should be a writer.)

 

 

I so wish I could claim that as my own saying. Dh heard a comedian say it once, and he thought it was funny so he refers to that type of scene in that manner. ;) It just seems so fitting.

[Crissy]

Understand your drift, but it doesn't fit reality. An inclination toward modesty should not translate into "therefore stay home, guys."

 

 

Maybe it should not, but it does happen to be my reality.

 

I notice that my teenager tries very hard to be respectful of girls and women by looking away when he gets a glimpse of too much skin.

A beach or pool setting would likely cause a significant internal struggle for him, so I don't take him there.

If my husband tends to gawk at half-dressed women, or if I feel uncomfortable around women and men in tiny bathing suits, the last thing I'd do is plan a picnic at the beach.

 

When my lifestyle is contrary to the majority of those folks around me, I find events and activities that I feel more comfortable with.

[Crissy]

I viote burkas for old men and fat women. Make it the law! Then everyone will be safe and pure.

 

It sure will make shopping easier since I've recently put on a few pounds. ;)

[Joanne]

Oh, don't say that! I LOVE the beach and pool. I'm morally opposed to children seeing too much of their mother's skin. IMO, there are some things I don't want to know or see. You know mom has those parts....I just don't want to have them right in my face. It's the same way I feel when I think of mom and dad....um.... being affectionate. Yuck! In my (probably very prude) mind that kind of thing never happened and my sisters and I were virgin births.

 

It doesn't bother me when I see younger, childless women at the beach if they are wearing a bathingsuit (bikini or otherwise) that is tasteful. The picture that was posted before is a great example. That woman looks terrific...but I wouldn't want to see her like that if she were my mother!

 

This may not be a popular opinion, I just think things change when you're a mom, and walking around half-naked in public is just something that should be off limits--for the sake of the kids!

 

I'm seriously saddened at this thread.

 

Of course, I don't "buy" into the idea that covered = modest and modest (by that definition) = good. I certainly take great offense that the normal (and, imo, God designed) changes a woman's body goes through in the process of motherhood and mothering is something any mom needs to hide.

 

Large bodies with stretchmarks, imperfections, "flab", droopy parts might not looking pleasing to you - but I submit that it is not a natural reaction; it's a culturally grown one. Our culture is seriously age and thin centric; we celebrate and honor bodies (especially women) who have little actual *living* time!

 

I see no problem with children seeing a variety of bodies, celebrating summer, water, family, friends, sun and play.

 

It's my todal sex appeal that made me a mother. Being a mother changed my body, my humor, my wit, my life experience. I see no reason to hide or deny any of those now.

 

My children have benefited since they've seen me as a *whole* woman, not just a mom.

 

Note: I don't actually wear a binkini at the pool.

[Barb_]

That woman looks terrific...but I wouldn't want to see her like that if she were my mother!

 

This may not be a popular opinion, I just think things change when you're a mom, and walking around half-naked in public is just something that should be off limits--for the sake of the kids!

 

Sexuality and motherhood are not mutually exclusive. The last time I checked one actually leads to the other. If you aren't comfortable mixing the two, then don't. But there is nothing morally suspect about a woman who is comfortable in her own skin.

 

Barb

[HRAAB]

I'm seriously saddened at this thread.

 

Of course, I don't "buy" into the idea that covered = modest and modest (by that definition) = good. I certainly take great offense that the normal (and, imo, God designed) changes a woman's body goes through in the process of motherhood and mothering is something any mom needs to hide.

 

Large bodies with stretchmarks, imperfections, "flab", droopy parts might not looking pleasing to you - but I submit that it is not a natural reaction; it's a culturally grown one. Our culture is seriously age and thin centric; we celebrate and honor bodies (especially women) who have little actual *living* time!

 

I see no problem with children seeing a variety of bodies, celebrating summer, water, family, friends, sun and play.

 

It's my todal sex appeal that made me a mother. Being a mother changed my body, my humor, my wit, my life experience. I see no reason to hide or deny any of those now.

 

My children have benefited since they've seen me as a *whole* woman, not just a mom.

 

Note: I don't actually wear a binkini at the pool.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Impish]

DISCLAIMER/WARNING: If you are into the adverting eyes and modesty mindset' date=' you can pass on this post. You may find my attitude offensive.

 

Bathing suites should not be relegated to anorexic teens, super models and Olympic swimmers.

 

If a woman feels confident enough to walk around in a two-pieces I say "good for her." I am flabby, have stretch marks, cellulite and spider veins. And guess what? So do most women. I think a it's time to "get real" and stop hiding under the cover ups. We set a bad example for our daughters when we let society shame us into covering up because we don't look like an air-brushed model (I was one shamed and covered up teen). Stretch marks on ones belly should be badges of honor on the magnificence of the human body.

 

Not many women look like Christy Brinkley and yet they are beautiful.

 

Do you see men wearing cover ups on the beach or at the pool? Heck no! Why do we (women) perpetuate this misery? What can we do to change our mindset?

 

 

http://www.more.com/2049/2464-jamie-lee-curtis--true-thighs[/quote']

:iagree:

This thread just amazes me at the bashing of people who don't meet the media dictated 'ideal'. Marilyn Monroe, the sex symbol of her time would have been told to hit Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers in today's society. Sad indeed.

 

While I have no objection, and indeed agree with modesty in dress and demeanour, I *do* most certainly have issues with insulting strangers bodies and choice of dress. Incredible. As much as we, as homeschoolers fight to have our individuality respected and honoured when it comes to educating our children, it seems that there are those among us that would like to have everyone adhere to their ideals of 'perfect' bodies, and 'fashion police'. Hypocricy at its finest. Respect what I want, but don't ask me for the same.

 

A woman that chooses to wear a bikini needs nobody's approval but her own, and obviously has it if she's appearing poolside in it. I find it stunning the number of women here who would shame her into submission. Absolutely stunning.

[Barb_]

My dad, who is VERY conservative, VERY Catholic, is a fan of the speedo. It's just his culture. It's unfortunate but not immoral.

 

:lol: I hope you meant for this to be funny :lol:

[melissel]

Understand your drift, but it doesn't fit reality. An inclination toward modesty should not translate into "therefore stay home, guys." We can avoid nudist colonies, but there are no "modest swimming pools" available. All we can do is to wear modest swimwear ourselves and educate our sons and daughters to internalize our family-chosen outlooks. What other people do is their own business; we just have to be as careful as we can as inhabitants of the world.

 

Yes, but neither should someone else's inclination toward modesty translate into, "All you other people, put your clothes on!" I think this thread and the others like it that I've seen posted in the past indicate that lots of people feel that what others wear is NOT their own business.

 

Frankly, I think the majority of the people at the beach or pool are not there to check others out. There are some, of course, but they'd be checking people out at the mall or anywhere else they go. If I'm at the pool and someone else's husband is checking me out, HE'S the one with the problem, not me in my swimsuit (and if he were checking me out in the granny-style swimsuit I wear in real life, then yeah, he has some kind of weird problem :lol:).

[Riverfront Headmistress]

Pffttt to the original post. :thumbdown: I am covered in tattoos and wear a bikini at the pool/beach.

[Tree House Academy]

 

Originally Posted by Tree House Academy

That said, I wouldn't be caught dead in a bikini, or swimsuit of any sort. I am 5'6" and about 140 pounds which is just too much to shove in a bikini or bathing suit and feel comfortable.

 

Please tell me at that weight and height you aren't seriously saying you are too fat for a bathing suit? Seriously? I'd kill to be that small!!

 

Unfortunately, I am. Most of my weight is in my hips and around the middle. I am also quite pale and have developed some lovely spider veins on my legs and such. Blech!

 

I tried on swimsuits the other day and became so depressed I was screaming at the kids on the way home. NOT a good thing to do! :(

[chaik76]

I actually wear something akin to a burqini...for real! However, I have no problem with people wearing whatever they want to at the pool (or anywhere else for that matter). I really wish more people would feel comfortable with their bodies and feel free to wear what makes them happy (I'm including myself in that).

[LibraryLover]

Sexuality and motherhood are not mutually exclusive. The last time I checked one actually leads to the other. If you aren't comfortable mixing the two, then don't. But there is nothing morally suspect about a woman who is comfortable in her own skin.

 

Barb

 

Exactly. It's one thing to feel more comfortable wearing modest clothing. I am fairly modest myself. But it's quite another to be gossiping about fat old people and disbarging mothers who wear two piece suitz. That's the sort of stuff immature 7th graders post on snark boards.

 

I feel like asking the tired question, 'You kiss your children with that mouth? Pray to god with that tongue?"

[Tree House Academy]

 

"Mommy, look, that woman has *breasts!*. Oh, mommy, help! Look at that ugly old man in his bathing suit, and the woman near him! She's fat *and ugly!"

 

"Oh, honey!! Don't look! Old, fat people have no business at the beach! It burns our eyes. Now, lets go get ready for church".

 

 

:lol::lol::lol: OMG and more :lol::lol::lol: Especially the part about burning our eyes!

[Milseain]

it seems to me that women are so hostile to each other and pushing one another towards that look of perfection that is unrealistic for most women and girls. (Truly, I believe that most men are more accepting of female flaws than other women are!!)

 

I so :iagree:

 

We women need to be more accepting of each other. :)

 

:grouphug:

[SheilaZ]

Sexuality and motherhood are not mutually exclusive.

 

Barb

 

My issue is when a woman's sexuality is on display in a family venue. The local pool is a family venue. (It's the Family Y.)

I'm assuming that the hot mom of three is there to entertain her children not the admiring males who are present.

I wondered this same thing about one of the scantily scad moms at the pool last week.

Why would she wear a very skimpy bikini in a family venue...just because she can? She couldn't swim in it. (Her boobs just about floated right out of those very small triangles.) She couldn't carry the kids without fighting them off the thin straps. She couldn't go down the water slide with her begging son.

And she was always rearranging her bits and straps.

It didn't seem to me that she was having much fun. She was quite beautiful though.

 

I kept thinking that she should have seen a Land's End catalog. Then she might find a suit that she could actually swim in. But gosh no....we have to be sexy at any cost.

[LG Gone Wild]

My issue is when a woman's sexuality is on display in a family venue. The local pool is a family venue. (It's the Family Y.)

I'm assuming that the hot mom of three is there to entertain her children not the admiring males who are present.

I wondered this same thing about one of the scantily scad moms at the pool last week.

Why would she wear a very skimpy bikini in a family venue...just because she can? She couldn't swim in it. (Her boobs just about floated right out of those very small triangles.) She couldn't carry the kids without fighting them off the thin straps. She couldn't go down the water slide with her begging son.

And she was always rearranging her bits and straps.

It didn't seem to me that she was having much fun. She was quite beautiful though.

 

I kept thinking that she should have seen a Land's End catalog. Then she might find a suit that she could actually swim in. But gosh no....we have to be sexy at any cost.

 

Ok, so she was silly, possibly ridiculous. Is that enough to scorn her?

[SheilaZ]

Ok, so she was silly, possibly ridiculous. Is that enough to scorn her?

 

Who scorned her? I never said a word to her nor did I think anything of her except some pity. I felt sorry for her. (Like I do for a cousin of mine who must always be the sexiest woman in the room at all occasions.)

 

I did move to a different chair when she started sunbathing spread legged. (I have 4 boys.)

[TwinMominTX]

I said that in post #2. :auto: Plus the children! Won't anyone think of the children! They are naked. Or maybe in speedos --both boys and girls! The upside is there is need to worry about outgrown suits and baby butt cracks! You can skip the new toddler bathing suit and get the 50K SUV! Yeah!

 

Sorry, I didn't even read the other replies. I was just thinking about the wonderful times we've spent on the beaches of Nice, France...I need to read better!

[melissel]

Ok, so she was silly, possibly ridiculous. Is that enough to scorn her?

 

ITA. And I guess I don't understand why it really matters. So what if she made a fashion choice you don't understand? It's her fashion choice to make.

 

I don't know, I don't get all this. It's just a body. Sure, it can be used for sexual purposes. It can also be used for running, hiking, studying, eating, dancing, breathing, helping others, etc. If you make it out to be this huge deal to your kids, then yeah, when they see it out in public, it's going to BE a huge deal. If you make it out to just be the physical form we're given, whatever that may be, and whether you can see lots of it or none of it, doesn't that lessen the impact? :confused: My DH knows my body is only for him (and me), and other people seeing it does not decrease that in any way.

[swellmomma]

I don't care what a suit a person wears at the beach or pool, but we have 1 woman on my block(actually it is the psycho stalking my son), that walks around in a bikini all the time just for the attention. Half the time it is a white g-string. It is nasty, plain and simple. If a person wants to wear a bikini to the pool and is comfortable in their own body more power to them, but to go out mowing your lawn in one is just looking for attention.

 

As for tattoos, I have 4 of them, and plan on getting more. I love my tattoos, and wouldn't change getting them for anything.

[MOM24WONDERS]

See, again...I'm looking at this from a whole different point of view. It has nothing to do with whether the woman is skinny or fat or somewhere in between. It has to do with respect - for herself and others around her.

 

My girls are all TINY. My oldest is 13, 5'2, and weighs 92 lbs. She eats like a HORSE - and everything in sight. She has a perfectly healthy body image and we've never said anything about what she eats or doesn't eat. She's just a normal kid....and if one was talking about bikini bodies, well, she'd have one. However, she respects herself too much to wear something like that. I, for one, am thankful for that, too.

 

I'm not overweight, nor have I ever been, but I just respect myself and my husband too much to go out of the house with less than half of my clothes on.

 

Again, some people are getting hung up on stretch marks or fat rolls - who cares!? I don't want to see ANYONE walking around in what is essentially their underwear. I just don't get how anyone can think that's self-confidence. True self-confidence wouldn't make you dress like that...it would be confident enough in the way that you look to not have to show off everything to anyone that wants to look.

 

I have a dear friend who tells her teen daughter's friends that come over in a low cut top, "My old geyser husband can see your boobs, you might want to cover them up." I just think that's hilarious. Thankfully all of our friends also dress modestly and so we can go to the pool with them and never have to worry.

 

I want my kids to remain pure - in body, in mind, and in heart. I greatly appreciate all of my friends that feel the same and help us to that end.

 

However, I realize that not everyone is going to agree...so it's probably a thread that's better left at "Agree to Disagree".

[Joanne]

Originally Posted by SheilaZ

My issue is when a woman's sexuality is on display in a family venue. The local pool is a family venue. (It's the Family Y.)

I'm assuming that the hot mom of three is there to entertain her children not the admiring males who are present.

I wondered this same thing about one of the scantily scad moms at the pool last week.

Why would she wear a very skimpy bikini in a family venue...just because she can? She couldn't swim in it. (Her boobs just about floated right out of those very small triangles.) She couldn't carry the kids without fighting them off the thin straps. She couldn't go down the water slide with her begging son.

And she was always rearranging her bits and straps.

It didn't seem to me that she was having much fun. She was quite beautiful though.

 

I kept thinking that she should have seen a Land's End catalog. Then she might find a suit that she could actually swim in. But gosh no....we have to be sexy at any cost.

 

So, is your objection to the lack of utilitarian function? Do you have the same reaction to sneakers vs. high heels? How about a mom who wears flip flops to the park and doesn't like sand in her toes? Does she get the same scorn from you?

 

Is your concern about a "family venue" because her fashion choice prohibits maximum physical interaction with her kids and the pool?

[swimmermom3]

I guess I would be the gal who makes the majority of you lose your lunch. I'm a big woman who loves to swim when I have the time. Oh, and those varicose veins-bring 'em on baby.

 

I go to the pool, shove my bookends and all into a size 16 polyester swimsuit (no bikini, or little skirty thing), put on cap and the goggles whose marks won't leave my face for four hours (I'm over 40, are you all green yet?) and I get in the water and lap swim. Now I do have to "parade" past the 16-21 year-old male lifeguards, most of whom I know from swim team and as friends of my older kids. They must have terrible mothers because instead of averting their eyes, I usually hear, "Hey Mrs. B., good to see (he doesn't really mean that, right?) you, you missed the last two days." Rats.

 

Those old men in Speedos? Every summer, my dh and I make sure we are available to run electronic timing for the Masters meets. I love, positivly love watching those "old" men and women in Speedos race. I'm not looking at their suits thinking "suitable" Christian thoughts like, "How obscene and immoral." I'm thinking that for that 65-year-old man to have a 6-pack it takes incredible self-discipline and hard work. The 50-year-old woman with the suit up her backside who just broke a world record- I am in tears at her beauty and strength. These "old", "ugly", "less-than-perfect" people are amazing. They come in all shapes and sizes and they wear swimsuits in public.

 

I'm sorry if I offend you morally and asthetically. I am still going to the pool today. Only instead of making a quick, embarrassed, entrance and exit into the pool I am going to hold my head high. I am going to swim as I always do, for my health, for my family, for my sense of connection and peace, and because today, I'm really pi**ed off.

[Joanne]

See, again...I'm looking at this from a whole different point of view. It has nothing to do with whether the woman is skinny or fat or somewhere in between. It has to do with respect - for herself and others around her.

 

I have had more respect, healthy care and loving concern for my body since I have dressed more provocatively. I don't equate respect for my body with covering up - especially according to other people's seemingly arbitrary standards.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

I guess I would be the gal who makes the majority of you lose your lunch. I'm a big woman who loves to swim when I have the time. Oh, and those varicose veins-bring 'em on baby.

 

I go to the pool, shove my bookends and all into a size 16 polyester swimsuit (no bikini, or little skirty thing), put on cap and the goggles whose marks won't leave my face for four hours (I'm over 40, are you all green yet?) and I get in the water and lap swim. Now I do have to "parade" past the 16-21 year-old male lifeguards, most of whom I know from swim team and as friends of my older kids. They must have terrible mothers because instead of averting their eyes, I usually hear, "Hey Mrs. B., good to see (he doesn't really mean that, right?) you, you missed the last two days." Rats.

 

Those old men in Speedos? Every summer, my dh and I make sure we are available to run electronic timing for the Masters meets. I love, positivly love watching those "old" men and women in Speedos race. I'm not looking at their suits thinking "suitable" Christian thoughts like, "How obscene and immoral." I'm thinking that for that 65-year-old man to have a 6-pack it takes incredible self-discipline and hard work. The 50-year-old woman with the suit up her backside who just broke a world record- I am in tears at her beauty and strength. These "old", "ugly", "less-than-perfect" people are amazing. They come in all shapes and sizes and they wear swimsuits in public.

 

I'm sorry if I offend you morally and asthetically. I am still going to the pool today. Only instead of making a quick, embarrassed, entrance and exit into the pool I am going to hold my head high. I am going to swim as I always do, for my health, for my family, for my sense of connection and peace, and because today, I'm really pi**ed off.

 

You

Go

Girl!!!

 

:hurray: :hurray: :hurray:

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Joanne]

I want my kids to remain pure - in body, in mind, and in heart. I greatly appreciate all of my friends that feel the same and help us to that end.

 

Eh. I find the Biblical concept of "pure" to be a moving target, subject to cultural interpretation, influence, sub culturally manufacture rhetoric.

 

I want my kids (and, indeed, all my humans) to be fully human, earthy, authentic, respectful, kind, thoughtful, considerate and not self centered. I don't believe how much skin people show (or not) relates to the kind of people they are at all.

[BikeBookBread]

See, again...I'm looking at this from a whole different point of view. It has nothing to do with whether the woman is skinny or fat or somewhere in between. It has to do with respect - for herself and others around her.

 

My girls are all TINY. My oldest is 13, 5'2, and weighs 92 lbs. She eats like a HORSE - and everything in sight. She has a perfectly healthy body image and we've never said anything about what she eats or doesn't eat. She's just a normal kid....and if one was talking about bikini bodies, well, she'd have one. However, she respects herself too much to wear something like that. I, for one, am thankful for that, too.

 

I'm not overweight, nor have I ever been, but I just respect myself and my husband too much to go out of the house with less than half of my clothes on.

 

Again, some people are getting hung up on stretch marks or fat rolls - who cares!? I don't want to see ANYONE walking around in what is essentially their underwear. I just don't get how anyone can think that's self-confidence. True self-confidence wouldn't make you dress like that...it would be confident enough in the way that you look to not have to show off everything to anyone that wants to look.

 

I want my kids to remain pure - in body, in mind, and in heart. I greatly appreciate all of my friends that feel the same and help us to that end.

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

THIS IS NOT A BRAG. For whatever reason, God gave me a body that bounced back from pregnancies better than most, but I would add that I did exercise before, during and after both pregnancies (see below -- I'm not judging any of you, but it did help).

 

However, I still would not wear a bikini for the exact same reasons quoted above. That being said, I would not wear one of those all-in-one 1890's bathing suits either, as they are neither appropriate nor practical for exercising.

 

I love to swim, and have found it to be the best exercise for me, and is probably one of the reasons my body returned (for the most part) to its former self after both girls were born. Don't get me wrong, my physique is not where it was at 21, nor will it ever be (who was that 40 year old Mom/swimmer in the 2008 Olympics? WOW! My husband and I were in AWE), nor do I have the time or desire to prioritize that level of fitness into my life, either. When I swim, I wear one of those boring old smoosh-it-all workout bathing suits from Tyr or Speedo...whether I'm at the fun pool or workout pool because they are appropriate for the setting. I pick a cool/flashy/bright color combo and call it good.

 

I would like to add that I do think it is important for children to see their Moms and Dads EXERCISING, even when we don't want to. This is an important part of body image: exercise for health.

[dragons in the flower bed]

ILarge bodies with stretchmarks, imperfections, "flab", droopy parts might not looking pleasing to you - but I submit that it is not a natural reaction; it's a culturally grown one. Our culture is seriously age and thin centric; we celebrate and honor bodies (especially women) who have little actual *living* time!

 

Bravo, Joanne!

 

Mothers often become the standard of beauty that our children use in judging others. If I'm constantly demonstrating a sense of shame about my skin, insisting that others must cover up too, then when my sons' wives become mothers, will my sons twinge with disgust at the sight of their wives' stretch marks, their cellulose, their flabby parts? I want my children to see a real woman and think home-comfort-love-family-safety, not judgmental disgust. The smell of sawdust always makes me feel loved, even though my dad was objectively gross, sweaty and covered with it. I say, let your children see your real belly, so they will associate that with the people they value, so they will know that all bodies don't look like Victoria Secret models, so they can love what's real.

[Audrey]

I'm seriously saddened at this thread.

 

Of course, I don't "buy" into the idea that covered = modest and modest (by that definition) = good. I certainly take great offense that the normal (and, imo, God designed) changes a woman's body goes through in the process of motherhood and mothering is something any mom needs to hide.

 

Large bodies with stretchmarks, imperfections, "flab", droopy parts might not looking pleasing to you - but I submit that it is not a natural reaction; it's a culturally grown one. Our culture is seriously age and thin centric; we celebrate and honor bodies (especially women) who have little actual *living* time!

 

I see no problem with children seeing a variety of bodies, celebrating summer, water, family, friends, sun and play.

 

It's my todal sex appeal that made me a mother. Being a mother changed my body, my humor, my wit, my life experience. I see no reason to hide or deny any of those now.

 

My children have benefited since they've seen me as a *whole* woman, not just a mom.

 

Note: I don't actually wear a binkini at the pool.

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I'm not at all self-conscious of my body. It took a looooooong time to get to this stage, but it starts with disregarding the falsified media stereotypes of what is "normal."

 

FTR: I don't wear a bikini either, by my tankini might as well be. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a bathing suit when you're nearly 6 feet tall and long-waisted? One-piece suits are totally out. A bikini would be a good choice, but I can't find one with anti-gravity cups. A tankini, on the other hand usually has a decent built in bra.

[Highereducation]

See, again...I'm looking at this from a whole different point of view. It has nothing to do with whether the woman is skinny or fat or somewhere in between. It has to do with respect - for herself and others around her.

 

My girls are all TINY. My oldest is 13, 5'2, and weighs 92 lbs. She eats like a HORSE - and everything in sight. She has a perfectly healthy body image and we've never said anything about what she eats or doesn't eat. She's just a normal kid....and if one was talking about bikini bodies, well, she'd have one. However, she respects herself too much to wear something like that. I, for one, am thankful for that, too.

 

I'm not overweight, nor have I ever been, but I just respect myself and my husband too much to go out of the house with less than half of my clothes on.

 

Again, some people are getting hung up on stretch marks or fat rolls - who cares!? I don't want to see ANYONE walking around in what is essentially their underwear. I just don't get how anyone can think that's self-confidence. True self-confidence wouldn't make you dress like that...it would be confident enough in the way that you look to not have to show off everything to anyone that wants to look.

 

I have a dear friend who tells her teen daughter's friends that come over in a low cut top, "My old geyser husband can see your boobs, you might want to cover them up." I just think that's hilarious. Thankfully all of our friends also dress modestly and so we can go to the pool with them and never have to worry.

 

I want my kids to remain pure - in body, in mind, and in heart. I greatly appreciate all of my friends that feel the same and help us to that end.

 

However, I realize that not everyone is going to agree...so it's probably a thread that's better left at "Agree to Disagree".

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Well said! I was approaching this from an age perspective, not a body image perspective.

 

40 year old woman in a bikini - why? And this has nothing to do with Europe. In Europe, women age gracefully. They're secure in themselves. It's a different culture. In America, women are dragged kicking and screaming away from being 20. Being called old is the worst insult ever. Instead of embracing their wisdom and accepting a new phase in their life, they try to hang onto every remaining shred of youth.

 

In our culture, bikini = sex. Wearing a bikini is asking to be looked at. So for all of the posters that are calling foul for *gossip* and *criticism* -hey, if women who wear bikinis don't like the attention they're getting, whether it be positive or negative, then they shouldn't hang the goods out for inspection.

 

And if they want to parade around like that in public - yes, public - then they're fair game for those of us who would rather not have to look at them.

 

It's not snark. It's opinion. Does anyone here honestly think that the majority of these women look good? Because the truth is, they don't. Sure, there are exceptions. And this is not a weight issue, either. After a certain age, when things go south and sag and wrinkle, it's just not a good look at all, even for a woman who's skinny.

[SheilaZ]

So, is your objection to the lack of utilitarian function? Do you have the same reaction to sneakers vs. high heels? How about a mom who wears flip flops to the park and doesn't like sand in her toes? Does she get the same scorn from you?

 

Is your concern about a "family venue" because her fashion choice prohibits maximum physical interaction with her kids and the pool?

 

I just don't think "the sexy" has much of a place in a family venue. I don't mind seeing bodies fat, thin, young, old, or all hairy. Our pool has all sorts of people.

I do wonder what the goal is of the late 30's mom with children in tow wearing the skimpiest suit she can find that isn't a thong to a family pool. (One with a dress code that used to ban 2 swim suits before tankinis got popular.)Why the need to be sexy in that venue? Especially when it limited her interactions with her children.

 

As far as heels vs sneakers....they both have their place. If you're in fancy strappy heels at the school feild day.....I would wonder what your goal was. (Seeking attention, maybe) Same goes for sneakers at a formal gown affair.

And if you wore flip flops to park and complained about your feet getting sandy, I would question your thinking abilities and I would giggle at you.

 

Now a question for you. Is is ok to be overtly sexy in dress all the time? Are there venues where the sexiness should be toned down or is it all strictly up to the comfort of the wearer?

[Kathy in MD]

I'm right with you.

 

I would also like to add that no men should be wearing Speedo's, especially the old pale, hairy,wrinkly guy who likes to lay spread eagle at the pool which is right at the entrance to my park!!! I don't want to see it, I don't want to imagine it, I don't want it within 100 yards of me!!

 

Speedos aren't bad, even on old, pale wrinkly guys compared to................:lol::lol:

 

 

 

THONGS on guys, even the young, well built ones. My sister told me about this one, sitting with his legs spread. When she moved to change the "view", the guy moved so he could continue to "impress" :lol:

[Orthodox6]

I agree with you, Crissy. What I responded against was the suggestion that if I favor modesty, I should "Abandon beach !" and deny myself and my family the pleasure of swimming. That is what I said is "not reality." We cannot afford to have a home swimming pool. We enjoy swimming. Ergo, we have to go somewhere ! So we are as selective as we can be, which is hard, considering the available choices.

 

 

Maybe it should not, but it does happen to be my reality.

 

I notice that my teenager tries very hard to be respectful of girls and women by looking away when he gets a glimpse of too much skin.

A beach or pool setting would likely cause a significant internal struggle for him, so I don't take him there.

If my husband tends to gawk at half-dressed women, or if I feel uncomfortable around women and men in tiny bathing suits, the last thing I'd do is plan a picnic at the beach.

 

When my lifestyle is contrary to the majority of those folks around me, I find events and activities that I feel more comfortable with.

Edited July 6, 2009 by Orthodox6

[bkpan]

I guess I would be the gal who makes the majority of you lose your lunch. I'm a big woman who loves to swim when I have the time. Oh, and those varicose veins-bring 'em on baby.

 

I go to the pool, shove my bookends and all into a size 16 polyester swimsuit (no bikini, or little skirty thing), put on cap and the goggles whose marks won't leave my face for four hours (I'm over 40, are you all green yet?) and I get in the water and lap swim. Now I do have to "parade" past the 16-21 year-old male lifeguards, most of whom I know from swim team and as friends of my older kids. They must have terrible mothers because instead of averting their eyes, I usually hear, "Hey Mrs. B., good to see (he doesn't really mean that, right?) you, you missed the last two days." Rats.

 

Those old men in Speedos? Every summer, my dh and I make sure we are available to run electronic timing for the Masters meets. I love, positivly love watching those "old" men and women in Speedos race. I'm not looking at their suits thinking "suitable" Christian thoughts like, "How obscene and immoral." I'm thinking that for that 65-year-old man to have a 6-pack it takes incredible self-discipline and hard work. The 50-year-old woman with the suit up her backside who just broke a world record- I am in tears at her beauty and strength. These "old", "ugly", "less-than-perfect" people are amazing. They come in all shapes and sizes and they wear swimsuits in public.

 

I'm sorry if I offend you morally and asthetically. I am still going to the pool today. Only instead of making a quick, embarrassed, entrance and exit into the pool I am going to hold my head high. I am going to swim as I always do, for my health, for my family, for my sense of connection and peace, and because today, I'm really pi**ed off.

:hurray::hurray::hurray:

 

Well said. Enjoy your swim!

[Orthodox6]

Please don't add an attitude to my post which was not there. I feel as if you were tarring me with that brush. If you were not trying to do that, then I guess I just misunderstood your nuance.

 

Yes, but neither should someone else's inclination toward modesty translate into, "All you other people, put your clothes on!" I think this thread and the others like it that I've seen posted in the past indicate that lots of people feel that what others wear is NOT their own business.

Edited July 6, 2009 by Orthodox6

[Kathy in MD]

........This may not be a popular opinion, I just think things change when you're a mom, and walking around half-naked in public is just something that should be off limits--for the sake of the kids!

 

Mayhap for the sake of the kids, and in particular future dil's, our kids should see more of their mother's skin, and saggy thighs and stretch marks and .......... Instead what our kids see are "perfect" model bodies with great non-literary books, 6 pack abs, tight bottoms and never a pimple. Girls starve themselves to get that body, and boys/men don't accept that their wives will age and sag.

 

I once read that children who grow up around nudist colonies have a much better body image than children who are protected from what a real body looks like. I can believe that. They know that bodies come in all sizes and shapes, and that they age. They also don't connect nudity with illicit or immoral activities. You can also swim, play tennis, walk, eat and so other normal activities sans clothes. As one friend used to say, and I think he borrowed it, "naked is when you don't have any clothes on. Neeked is when you don't have any clothes on and you're up to something!.

[Orthodox6]

Room for all at the pool, please !

 

I never would slap an insult toward anybody who wore swimwear from a previous era. If "mob opinion" is that we should tolerate semi- or full-nakedness, "mob opinion" jolly well equally should tolerate people who wear clothes !

[PineFarmMom]

Room for all at the pool, please !

 

I never would slap an insult toward anybody who wore swimwear from a previous era. If "mob opinion" is that we should tolerate semi- or full-nakedness, "mob opinion" jolly well equally should tolerate people who wear clothes !

 

Precisely!! I'm almost seeing a hatred towards that thinking. It's gotten weird.

[Danestress]

I'm thin (ish - not as thin as I used to be) and wouldn't be caught dead in one. But I sort of like being able to look at other women's bodies, check out the cellulite, compare their thighs to mine, mentally plan a better workout program for them, decide how much weight they need to lose, give myself a reason not to eat the ice cream I am craving etc. I'm so shallow. But I also just sort of admire women who are willing to show what real women's bodies look like. I also admire modest women, just for different reasons.

 

I find people's bodies fascinating. My DH is a drawer, and he's constantly sketching at the beach or pool. He wears big dark glasses so that his subjects don't know he's drawing them, and he works hard on very fast, one minute sketches. I think he's grateful for all the fat women in bikinis because they are sort of fun to draw.

[PineFarmMom]

I spent some time recently with a teenage girl who was beautiful inside and out. She certainly was one of those teenagers who, because of the beauty of her outside, could have chosen to wear little clothing at the pool. She certainly would have drawn attention. She chose a bathing suit that covered her fully. Her mom didn't choose it. SHE chose it!! That wasn't the type of attention she desired. I so appreciated that she chose not to bend to the world around her.

[Tammy]

are obviously not in the 'majority'.....and you know what they say about the 'majority'......LOL!

 

I don't care what people wear at the beach....never have. I am a MOM of 4 and YES I wear a BIKINI!

[Barb_]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Well said! I was approaching this from an age perspective, not a body image perspective.

 

40 year old woman in a bikini - why? And this has nothing to do with Europe. In Europe, women age gracefully. They're secure in themselves. It's a different culture. In America, women are dragged kicking and screaming away from being 20. Being called old is the worst insult ever. Instead of embracing their wisdom and accepting a new phase in their life, they try to hang onto every remaining shred of youth.

 

In our culture, bikini = sex. Wearing a bikini is asking to be looked at. So for all of the posters that are calling foul for *gossip* and *criticism* -hey, if women who wear bikinis don't like the attention they're getting, whether it be positive or negative, then they shouldn't hang the goods out for inspection.

 

And if they want to parade around like that in public - yes, public - then they're fair game for those of us who would rather not have to look at them.

 

It's not snark. It's opinion. Does anyone here honestly think that the majority of these women look good? Because the truth is, they don't. Sure, there are exceptions. And this is not a weight issue, either. After a certain age, when things go south and sag and wrinkle, it's just not a good look at all, even for a woman who's skinny.

 

Wow. Just wow. I hope you kids make enough money to pay for their therapy.

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

Whoa, I go to run a few errands, and honestly didn't think this thread would go down the road it has gone down!

 

Ok, just to clear a few things up....and to maybe amend my original post:

 

1. My personal position is that I don't think mothers need to be in bikinis when they are with their children. This has less to do with the actual appearance of her body and more to do with the fact that moms should be kept on a pedestal (for lack of a better word.) I'm not explaining this right....but something along the lines of moms should be more wholesome than that just because they're moms. When we talk about kids these days and they don't have any values or moral grounding...well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. How do you teach a daughter to respect her body and not use it to get attention and love when her mother is doing exactly that? How do we get a son to respect a woman's mind when his mother is flaunting her body around for all the world to see? My point is, how is this being a good role model?

 

2. I agree with others that a lot of this is due to cultural, Puritanical reasons. Many European countries have always been a lot more relaxed about nudity. Maybe I would feel different after living over there for a while--as in "when in Rome?" But the people I see here haven't just stepped off the boat. They don't have that cultural excuse. Their reasoning is more along the lines of "I want to wear this, and too bad for you if you don't like it." Which leads me to point #3...

 

3. I think that it's fair to say that some things are "appropriate" and "inappropriate" to wear to a family pool or beach. If the sign on the pool said, "Adults Only" that might be different. But children (especially prepubescent boys) shouldn't be bombarded with this sexuality when they still believe in Santa Clause. I know their innocence will be shattered soon enough (unfortunately) but it shouldn't be shattered by their best friend's mother.

 

4. I also think just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean that you should do it, especially in a family environment. If I was at the pool and heard another poolgoer using the f-word loud enough for my kids to hear it, I would certainly ask them to tone it down since there are kids around. I don't let my kids see PG13 movies, and lots of the bathingsuits are certainly PG13 or worse. (Ironically, walking around with big garbage bags and asking people to cover up probably would be considered inappropriate!) If a mother is wearing one of these suits, well....it kind of makes me feel like she's making my job that much harder. I shouldn't have to stop going to a family pool just because someone else wants to do whatever they want without consideration of the other patrons.

 

6. I have to ask why the mothers are wearing those bikinis in the first place? I agree with others that it is hard to do all your "mom jobs" (especially with toddlers) if you're constantly having to worry about keeping your parts covered. It's just not practical. Not do I think we need to wear 1880's style swim clothes. But a good one-piece or tankini usually does the job nicely.

 

7. I don't think modesty and having a healthy body image are exclusive of eachother. I don't buy the "healthy body image" argument, or maybe I'm misunderstanding it. Does a healthy body image mean you can wear whatever you want, even if it doesn't look good? Even in Europe (where apparently large, buxom women are proudly parading topless throughout the streets!) I'm sure it's hard to find a man who prefers that to young, taut, and perky. They are always seeking the ideal, even if it's impossible to reach. Just because young, European boys see stretch marks and saggy BooKs at the beach doesn't mean that they aren't surprised as adults by the effects motherhood has on their wives. Any mom can have a healthy body image and still concede that there are some things she shouldn't wear because it just doesn't look good on her.

 

7. I do think there is a time for everything. I stand firm in my (unpopular) opinion that (tasteful) bikinis should be a pre-mom accessory. I grew up in Florida and wore a bikini myself before the kids, and I looked good and had a great time in it. I was also much younger and maybe didn't mind the kind of attention it brought. Nowadays, I only need or want those looks or attention from my husband, so I find no need to walk around half naked in public.

 

I wrote my original post with a little humor and sarcasm and I didn't think it would get so heated. This may just have to be (another) topic where we have to agree to disagree.

[Tammy]

LOLOLOL!

[Danestress]

is that many, many people in the world would say, "Wow, it's so sad that that Mom24wonders" woman has so little respect for herself and for her husband that she's willing to walk around with her FACE showing for just any man who wants to look."

 

It's cultural. It really is.

 

In our culture, it's okay to wear a bathing suit at a pool by the standards of the vast majority of the people, and i think even a bikini would not be considered dishonoring to a husband or oneself. So *for them* this is not an act that dishonors themselves or their husbands anymore than you showing your face does that. To some people, it's a disgrace to your husband to show your face, whether you think it is or not, and maybe to you it's a disgrace to wear a bikini whether they think so or not.

 

But the majority of us understand that while that bikini might not make them look so great, it's not really a statement about whether they have self respect or respect for others. They might have loads of both and simply think that a bikini is standard attire for a pool, because that's how they were raised. It's cultural. I think it's sort of a stretch to go to whether their heart's intention is - that they are lacking love or respect for their husbands because of what they wore.

 

I say this as a woman who has issues about my body and wouldn't wear a bikini on a bet even though I am pretty thin and even though her husband would probably like it if she did.

Edited July 6, 2009 by Danestress