:iagree: You need to learn to speak up with a voice that says you mean it! I learned from my dh, who has no problem with making a whole queue of people behind him wait while they get get his order 100% correct.

I think I mostly do it by room- at least, the picking up and putting away, tidying part. When it comes to vacuuming I do it all at once. The 2 rooms I keep tidy and focus on above all else are the kitchen, and my bedroom. The kitchen because it is central to the running of the house, and my bedroom because it is my sanctuary. So I tidy and clean them first.

I remember that feeling but I haven't had it for a while. After the essentials- do you feel guilty for not getting to your crafts? I would drop that. I think it all reflects a pervasive attitude that we are supposed to be productive all the time, as if that is the purpose of life. Even when we are burnt out, exhausted, always busy, don't have enough time to ourselves...we somehow think it's not enough. But who does that to us? Ultimately, only ourselves, and we are the only ones who can stop it. I think when we stop feeling guilty about not being busy all the time, other people stop giving us such a hard time. They are just mirroring back to us our own guilt. Since stopping homeschooling, people ask me what I do. I do have the same 2 half days a week job I had when homeschooling- but other than that, nothing much. It's interesting. I feel it is very unusual when everyone is so busy. I used to be busy- right now I am not busy and it's strange to even say it to people. What do I do? Oh, all the usual household and mothering stuff, but I have plenty of time for other things, and the days fill up, but not with excessive busyness. I am consciously practicing...not being busy- it seems like a luxury (and it is, I realise) but I really wonder if it's a long lost art. Why do we need to be busy and productive all the time? We don't. At least...there is what we need to do, then there is what we pile onto our own shoulders. I say go and have a long hot bath and stop and smell the roses.

Love my Dyson. Expensive though- we bought it on sale at less than wholesale cost- but I love having a good vacuum cleaner.

I go on a retreat at least once a year, and I always try to get my own space. The retreat is for ME.

I never went to those places after the first couple of visits with my first baby. I could see they were fine. In Australia, we don't tend to go to paediatricians at all- I have never, most people I know have never. We only get referred by the doctor if there is a serious issue. We do basic checks with the doctor or nurse. Which I rarely did because...everything was obviously fine.

Just commiserations here. My teenage strong willed son seems to have some testosterone induced rocked fuel added to his strong will recently. Agh. And dh- who has a strong will and very rebellious childhood- looks to me for advice on how to deal with him, because he doesnt really know how. Double agh. I guess we all become experts of our own child, eventually, which doesn't mean we resolve it and it becomes easy. All the books in the world don't help as much as life experience, although I found that books helped, too. My son got the day off school yesterday, because he reckoned he was sick. By halfway through the day I realised I had been conned and he just wanted a day to catch up on sleep after his active social life. All I know is...these kids need saintlike patience and huge extra doses of compassion and love, along with all those boundaries and consistent consequences.

I find it very frustrating to see situations like that too, but often people do feel "stuck" in situation like that and cant really see the way out- especially if the partner is unwilling to shoulder the full responsibility. Then the mother feels she might lose him if she pushes for what she in her heart wants. Life is complex. I hope you don't let them take advantage of you for more than a few weeks. They may be in discussion about it already, and going through their own process of re-evaluating- but they need to do it from a position of reality, not thinking you will rescue them with your soft heart.

I havent been in the same situation, but dh and i wanted- and sometimes still want- to move to the country- but we wont do it because of our kids. Here in our city we have good resources, we had a great homeschooling community, good highschools, and plenty of opportunities for our kids. While living in the country would have been ok for some of their childhood, we have heard from many people, including a policeman, that so many kids get into trouble in their teenage years in the hills near us- which are beautiful, convenient, many like minded people- through sheer boredom. So we won't consider moving till after they are adult and have cars- if then. I was just thinking this morning how lucky we are- living in a city with all its conveniences- but we are a short walk from a beautiful river and I am woken by birds every morning. There are many pockets of nature around, and we live 15 minutes drive from great beaches. We have great coffee shops and markets and community. Best of both worlds.

Me too, but I wonder if all kids would be conducive to homeschooling for just those 2 years- by then they would be well established in social groups- and there is the whole deschooling process to go through. They would be my favourite years but not necessarily the most practical ones. I would do it sooner rather than put it off to later when it might not happen at all. A job is a job- after 2 years of homeschooling, anything could happen- or you might be willing to make anything happen to continue. Putting it off for 5 years might mean it just doesnt happen.

There was another thread a couple of weeks ago where people were suggesting divorce, getting out, and it surprised me- but maybe its just my own experience, because there has been some intense stuff going on in my marriage over the years, where I was advised to get out by many people- not here- yet we worked through them- and I also grew in the process. Sometimes this is a great place to come for some basic support, but I agree we need to be careful about what advice we offer. Sister power is great, especially when someone is in denial- but can also be over exuberant in trying to get a woman to empower herself.

The Odyssey Lord of the Flies Tom Sawyer The Hobbit 1984 Animal Farm Lots of poetry- I especially remember Keats For Whom The Bell Tolls Romeo and Juliet and several other Shakespeares Tess of the Durbavilles Jane Eyre Pride and Prejudice Probably more.....I went to a pretty good highschool- we learned Latin too.

I have shared deeply with my girlfriends. Years ago, I had a lot of need to "offload" and they were there for me. We have all matured over the years and try to support each other in a way that is positive rather than supporting of victimness etc And I listen to their issues. Tea and all. I am so grateful for them, but i have also overstepped the line at times in what I feel comfortable sharing- or the attitude with which I share- but I have learned from my mistakes. We have also gone for marriage counselling but it never helped much in our case. I don't think most marital issues get solved, really. You just grow, communicate, and learn to live with certain things. Dh and i have learned certain ways of communicating that have helped- such as active listening- where you listen and repeat back what you think you heard the other say. It has helped us to feel heard and understood without feeling we have to actually agree with each other. We both live in what you might call therapeutic cultures, so we are willing to have a good look at ourselves.

The first Jackass movie is the one and only movie I have ever actually walked out of. I never saw any more. I am incredulous people would actually produce something like that, let alone find an audience. The guy selling the tickets did warn me- he was politely trying to tell me it might not be something I would enjoy. I thought I was tough, and I don't mind some earthy humour- but no way was I going to watch that. I went shopping while dh laughed his head off watching the rest.

No because I am so particular and like to put my own stamp on everything. I wouldnt want someone else's expression- I want my own. We buy everything 2nd hand and are creative with it.

I dont know why but what came to me is Caroline Beatrice.

Yay! I try to remember that no matter what I did yesterday, today is a new day, and no matter what I ate this morning, I can still eat better this afternoon. otherwise I get into the space that since I ate badly, I may as well finish it off with something worse!

I love teens- and I try to be very gentle on them. I remember teen years being very rough for me, emotionally. And for all their comforts and privileges many modern teens have, it's still a challenging time of life. Give me my 40s anyday.

When I was a single mum for 18 months, I had 3 bedrooms- but I ended up putting all of us to sleep in the one room (I had my own bed, though, and they had bunk beds) and had the other 2 rooms for "stuff", play room (OK, one room was practically devoted to the pile of unsorted laundry in my pre Flylady days) etc. That suited me- I felt more secure having us all sleep in the same room, even though I love my own space. However, if that didn't feel right- I would put all the kids in one room and myself in another. My 2 shared a room till my dd was 12 and about to go through puberty. If she had a sister, she wouldn't have got her own room, but because she had a brother, she did.

With kids your kids' ages, I would happily go out for a short while- in my case i might pop up to the mall and walk around the shops- or withdraw to the bathtub or my bedroom. In fact, I would go insane if I didn't get regular space from my kids- and everyone and everything :) Also...I always get up before everyone else so that I get some personal space in the mornings. I realise not everyone enjoys doing that, though.

My car runs on LPG so it is relatively cheap. We are getting rid of dh's car- dd16 has a car now that she cant drive yet- so he will use that, my car, and his motorbike. I am seriously considering getting my motorbike license and a small motorbike. DH already has one- his beloved Harley Davidson- which he takes me on- but I am thinking there are so many small outings I make alone nowadays, which I could make on a small motorbike (I don't like mopeds though- the small wheels bug me). I drive a lot less now that we are not homeschooling. I have a $200 a month budget for fuel and frequently have money leftover at the end of the month.

My MIL had that issue once. Gosh, the stink was awful. In her case, a rat died up in the roof. She got someone in to deal with it- I am not sure if it was a handyman, a roof person or what. I remember it was a drama though and it wasn't dealt with immediately- the smell issue continued- the guy, or a different guy, had to go back and clean it up some more. It did go eventually. You really have to get rid of the animal, horrible as that is. Or....let the flies do their job! If you kill them you are only slowing down the decomposition rate of the dead animal. But ideally- get rid of the animal and wash the area. Definitely a job not for the faint hearted. I would do it if I had to but I would definitely pass that one over to dh or pay someone to do it.

We have not particularly tried to put a certain "view" onto the kids except of course it happens anyway in our just being ourselves and sharing what we think- so in a sense, they have nothing to rebel against and they are free to explore. But....ideally.....I would allow them to think what they think and work it out for themselves, and hopefully be a sounding board that they would feel they could use. I see that happening. My experience is....the more I judge, the more I use what they say to share my own opinions when not asked by them....the more my teens withdraw from me. The more I listen and keep my mouth mostly shut, the more they will share. I am finding that if I don't let go of trying to control them, their thoughts, worldview and actions....they pull away. If I give them the freedom and independence they long for....they stay open, the communication flows, they feel respected and honoured as human beings. This is difficult- for both dh and I- but the choice seems pretty clear. But my 2 are a bit wild, I would say. I love them for it, and I love that they do not like to be controlled. I did not realise how much I would have to let go, so soon. (Actually, I don't have to let go...but the alternative is suffering for everyone). Something struck me about the Tiger Mum article- the 2nd one in a recent thread- where she said you have to get in there while the kids are young- that is striking a chord in me. Its not the time right now, for me to be putting my thoughts onto my kids- this is their time to find out for themselves. I can imagine that would be difficult for those who really, sincerely believe their opinions, their religion, their worldview, is the correct one, and they want their kids to have that "correct" one. But I don't have that issue- I feel there is enough room for everyone to have their own worldview, and unless you come to it from deeply inside yourself, it is not yours anyway- you just borrowed it. I am not saying I get to live this 100% though- I have a son who likes to be provocative for the heck of it. And sometimes I bite.

I can understand someone who is in a quiet environment all day getting irritated by a high noise level- and the accompanying chaos that kids naturally exude. I am noise sensitive myself and find the distant low hum of traffic disturbing (although the singing birds outside my window are fine). What is background noise in suburbia in the city, I hear acutely. But...my kids have never been especially noisy or chatterboxes, either, and they did have to learn to be appropriately quiet with dh's job at home, so it hasn't been too much of an issue.

no, not at all.