It doesn't bother me but I do get a sort of dark glee from sharing my dh's story with guys who are booked in, which went so far past needing a bag of frozen peas its funny- in retrospect of course. At the time it was weeks and weeks of trauma and drama and a subsequent hospital visit a couple of months later to drain the ...large amounts of swelling and the ...large hematoma that had formed. Its worth stopping taking your Vitamin E (anticoagulant) well before the operation AND actually resting for the rest of the day, guys, not giving a massage then fainting- no matter how tough you think you are :)

I wouldn't do it. I only ever had my legs waxed once- never again. And definitely not there (my teA room- well done thinking that up!). Shaving was bad enough- oh the itching as it grew back! I am a natural girl- definitely not willing to suffer for my beauty!

I love rituals and ceremonies that are meaningful for me. I definitely think there is a place for them- socially and individually. In fact, life would be far less rich without them. I dont like ones that are dictated to me by the society I live in, ones that are commercialised and meaningless- to me. I do not like feeling obligated to partake in something that has no meaning for me. For me, Christmas and Easter are like that because I am not Christian, and while I can appreciate the pagan side of those two festivals as well- I am not Pagan either- not in that sense of following the yearly celebrations. I do appreciate the public holiday side of them is important to people who work- its a time off to spend with family. Not relevant - to me. I just love to own my right to celebrate the way I choose, when I choose, with whom I choose. One of my regrets is that in Australia we do not have Thanksgiving. That is a social celebration I think I could pour my heart into- I love its significance.

So, are you looking for an answer than means that if you do this, life wont hurt you anymore? Or a recipe for life, so you don't make any mistakes? A way to be perfect (I used to have that one running)? because...I don't think there is a way for that to happen. And if it was, we wouldnt be free- we'd be robots. Life is self correcting. If you feel drawn to look after an orphan- that is your path and whatever the consequences, you will deal with them as they come up. We are all so different and what is right for one person is not going to be right for everyone. If you give and give and give...to the neglect of yourself...then you are out of balance, your health will suffer, your family might suffer, and love would encourage you to turn around and take care of yourself better- for the greater good. Love works both ways and it is intelligent- its not the opposite to logical, rational thinking. But isn't that why we are here? To love- and to live love, and to learn to live love? If it was easy, or clear, or obvious- well, what would be the challenge in that and how would we grow and learn? I really do think it is simple- really simple- but not easy. There are no guarantees, no matter what moral system you follow, or if you follow your inner knowing and guidance, or love, or however you frame it for yourself. No guarantees that you will not make mistakes, or be hurt, or that life won't throw you a doozy But we get up, brush ourselves off and keep going. There is ultimately no security in any moral system, but human nature is to want security...if I do this, I will get this. If I am good, I will have an easier life, or I will be rewarded later. The being good, the doing your best according to what you know now, in this moment...is its own reward. And life gives us feedback if we go out of balance. I think that's the best we can do.

Not really, because I don't consider Easter obligatory at all. We don't do anything for it except this year we bought the kids a giant Toblerone bar each- and then our dd16 shared hers with dh and I. We don't do obligatory very well. Christmas is minimalistic, Easter is pretty much a non event. I think the U.S. takes their holidays far more seriously than most Aussies, though I am sure plenty take them seriously here too- just not us.

This is a beautiful thread and I don't have anything to add except that...its meant to be fun. Don't take it too seriously, and its ok to laugh and giggle and play, and be embarrassed, and cry, and all of that. Life can get awfully serious, with little kids especially. TeA is a great place to be playful and let go of the seriousness of life.

Gosh yes- you are talking about adults here. But then, so is the young woman having a baby. So do what you want to do, and what feels good to you, what would make you happy.

I think we are built with an accurate inner guidance system, but we are not taught how to use it, so we tend to want an outer one. But to me, love is the only answer, to all such questions. It both includes and transcends all logic and all morality, but you can never go wrong following where it leads. No external system can give you directives to every little nuance in your life, but love can.

My dh works form home a lot and also only part time- well, about 30 hours a week. I work about 5. Its enough for us.

I would say most people would not respond. Most people know better. There are probably some who would, though, if she is putting out so strongly. I can't change all the wrongs in the world- I can only live my own truth. People generally don't like to be "told" unless they are actually asking for advice or guidance- and will resist even the wisest and most compassionate advice- until they are ready.

Man, the Nutella. Normally I wouldn't keep it in the house, but both the kids asked for it for sandwiches, so I bought a big jar. Normally, no problem. In the week before my period? Chocolate cravings. Apple slices dipped in Nutella - I think about 3 times in the last fortnight, I have succumbed. I figure the apple makes it a healthy snack :lol: I have corrupted my dd16 too. And i have been so good with sugar for ages now. I have realised that it is better for me to actually make my home made raw chocolates, or go out and buy my dark Lindt, than go for the Nutella, because when its the only chocolate in the house....at certain times of the month, I have no willpower when it comes to chocolate. At least, some months. I hadnt experienced such strong cravings for a long time. Such a long way to fall- I have been so good for so long.

I would cut her off and demand better behaviour and respect from her before allowing further contact. Let her blow up and be furious. Let her release some of her poison. But stand firm and then keep standing firm when she tries to manipulate and guilt trip you into further contact on her terms. Either she will stay away- which is fine- or she will learn to treat you all with more respect. Otherwise, she will just keep doing it. But I am not afraid of that sort of conflict- I left my family when I was a teenager and went back much later on my own terms. You would be doing yourself, her, your kids and your dh a favour by standing up to her. It is a loving thing to do, ultimately. Or, if she is too old to take it- keep the distance and minimise contact.

We have certainly asked certain people in our circle to influence our son in particular. For example, he has a casual job working for a friend, doing gardening/reticulation work. We have talked to him and his partner about issues we have had with our son at times and also just encouraged them to be a "good influence" on him, which they are. They open up conversations with him at times. Our son can sometimes hear them more easily than he can hear us. It's not so direct but we happen to live in a fairly therapeutic community, and although I would object to anyone directly "therapising" or even moralising our kids, we are happy that they have adult friends that do influence them in a positive way, and we have encouraged that. However we have never given up our parental role, as has been suggested by some people - it is simple an extension of it, because we are in a position to be able to use others in this way. We have never lost control in such a way that we need to ask for help in that way.

I dont subscribe to a particular faith but more a flavour, and yes there is absolutely plenty to choose from. I play bhajans with a group of people and it can get quite up beat. There are many musicians that are popular in my circle. From meditation music to dance music. Here are a couple:

It must be hard in a small community where you are going to bump in to her, to just avoid her altogether, at least in a one on one- but if you can, I would. Well, not to the point where it inconveniences me- that would be giving her way too much energy. My dh too is quite confrontative with such people. I just tend to avoid them or give them the cold shoulder once they have ticked me off. But the other thing I tend to do is check with the other people around us if anyone else is finding her the same, or see if they heard what she said to me- and get them to share how they feel about it too. Since you are almost certainly not the only one and if you are, others will have noticed how she talks to you. But once others have shared about it- usually someone will actually say something to her, or at least you will have the group effect.

We just don't do any of it. The kids get something chocolate for Easter. That's it. We do what we like to do, whatever that is. Holidays are no different from any other time here, except for Christmas and we really keep that simple, too. Maybe question why you are doing it all if it doesn't bring you joy? We know what we like doing and it definitely isn't anything that is stressful.

My approach has been to not create a problem where there isn't one, and not to make rules that foster a sense of rebellion. Hormones are strong things, even at 13. We have allowed dates right from the beginning. Dd16 has had 2 relatively serious relationships and does not want another one now- she was quite hurt from the last one even though it was her that ended it. But being hurt from a relationship break up as a teen does not ruin a life. She is ok- she has recognised the strength of those hormones and is not ready to dive back in there with anyone- she has become very discerning. She is mature. She is no longer especially naive, but has not lost her beautiful freshness and openness. She certainly is not going to jump into marriage quickly. Ds15 has had a steady girlfriend for 6 months. He treats her like a princess. Who knew he would be like that? There really is no problem here. I really think people just create a whole lot of beliefs about how bad dating can be based on fear and worst case scenarios, or their own experience with their own parents who didn't handle it well. It's quite possible to allow it and have healthy boundaries and not create such a big deal about it.

I agree Astrid and at the bottom, I think that is why dh - and possibly many dhs- decided no more. My dh was an older dad in the first place - 40 and 42 when my two were born- and he also has an older daughter from a previous marriage. He really didnt want to be having kids in his 50s, although I know many do. For him, it really was all about cost, and the responsibility of taking care of the family. He feels it very strongly and...sometimes, I would say heavily, that responsibility- and he has a great job he loves and which supports us all. My dh also had a very strong fear of having a disabled child. He is the firstborn from a Catholic family of 5, where the middle child is severely autistic and once she was born- he was totally neglected- his childhood was very, very rough. His mother, now in her 70s, still has his only sister at home with her, and is stressed out and exhausted all.the.time.(Gina talks non stop at/to anyone around, but it doesn't make sense- and she is very stubborn and uncooperative much of the time, plus has seizures frequently.) So dh was grateful for 3 healthy kids and really didn't want to tempt fate. That fear would never have been a motivation for me to not have more- but I can understand growing up in a family that was totally dominated by one child's needs, would colour your outlook somewhat. And i have many friends in real life who have only children and also many with no kids- and they have no regrets or strong hankerings for more. I think some of us just get given this extra strong pull and theres not much we can do about it- I think it is biological. I do not want to be bitter about it- but if I were to dwell on it, I could be.

I have no problem with boys peeing appropriately outside against a tree if they are mostly hidden from anyone- as in, if they move into a bush or stand behind a tree. It's a boy thing and I like to keep that nature spirit, wilderness loving aspect alive even in the 'burbs. Against the house? No, thankyou- that would smell! I have my limits! I love boys! I mean, the world would be boring if it were all girls :)

My teens know the real me apart from a few stories I am saving till they are over 18 :) I dance around the kitchen to their music. I put on pretty clothes to go out to a party or a dance- without them (as I did last night). I have a life and they know it. I think its just something that happens as they get older, over time- you just share more of yourself with them and they see you more as a person. By the time they are teens they can handle most of you and they NEED to recognise that you are human and not supermum any more- the one who can fix everything, do anything. There is more of a recognition of differentiation- that you are a totally separate person to them- rather than that close oneness when they are small and you are their whole world, but its a gradual process.

Yes- it would pretty much make nutritional sense to anyone and it is designed to be simple. It can also be read in an hour.

I like Food Rules by Michael Pollan for a foundational, crystal clear, common sense approach to diet. I think you might find that most of the world lives on mainly starches and does quite well. The problem is more the type of starches the west eats (white flour, white sugar), and what else they eat (trans fats, too much food), and what they don't eat (a variety of vegetables)- as in, the bigger picture. Its a complex issue and I think Food Rules simplifies it down to the basics. Eat real food.

I really like that angle.

Such a hard one. I think you can do whatever you can do- you can try the methods of reversal etc- but also its good to find acceptance if it is not to be that you have more children. There are sometimes threads here where people talk about their inability to have more kids for one reason or another, and the grief involved. These threads helped me realise how common it is to grieve for more kids. I have felt it for 15 years now- the feeling to have more is still here and I am 44 soon. But I also have an acceptance of my situation (dh clearly wanted no more kids and i respect that, hard as it has been), and that I have 2 beautiful children. Many people don't even get what I have. I think acceptance is the key to happiness- many people have more children than me and still feel grief at not having more. Its a natural human drive and emotion and its stronger in some of us than others. But life doesn't always give us what we want, and that's ok too. Even though I wanted and still want more kids, I am happy and not living in angst over it. Inn other words, do whatever you can if the drive is strong enough- but don't ruin your life, your happiness over it. Remind yourself of what you have.

I use this too (I read about it here)- it has been a godsend, really. I am fussy about computer programs and usually ditch them for pen and paper in a short time because *something* annoys me about them- but plantoeat is just so easy to use and works well for me.