I really don't have the answer to this..but to just offer another perspective, I think washing the oil off your hair every day only serves to stimulate the production of more oil. The people who go no 'poo (successfully), such as my husband, end up with the oil secretion slowing down and balancing out, and the air goes soft and not oily at all- after a while. I think of past generations where hair might be washed once a month, or week at most. And not having the very powerful grease stripping effect of modern shampoo. I really wonder if that grease stripping has made things worse in the long run. My son didn't wash his hair for several months- but he did wet it often. It went very soft and beautiful, even though he is right in the middle of puberty. So another suggestion might be to keep to washing it every second day, but to wet it daily- wet it as if she were washing it- but just give it a scrub with her fingers. I guess if its a water issue, though, that might not help, unless she wet it in the sink or a bucket of water- or the bath. I play with this issue a lot because I have an oily scalp, fine hair, and dry ends. Its so hard to find the right balance- sometimes I go no 'poo and use bicarb soda which actually works very well too. But again, if its a water issue, thats not going to help.

Exactly. Science is allowed to be science- it is what it is, and I think most intelligent people don't take Science as "gospel" either. Theories change. New discoveries are made. Many people I know, however, are waiting for science to "catch up" to what is written in ancient scriptures- to discover that the age of the earth, of mankind, is significantly older than currently conceived. The way that aboriginal Australians were thought to be around for 40,000 years, then they discovered fossils dated to 60,000 years. Many ancient scriptures of different cultures refer to very ancient civilizations that were quite advanced- then along came catastrophes that destroyed- them- or they destroyed themselves. Not very different form what is happening right now. I am not aware of any cultures other than a certain type of modern christian, that believe in a literal very young earth.

Generally, with whatever general practice doctor I go to, yes, I wait longer than 10 minutes. I try and make my appts at the beginning of the day because it is less likely i will have to wait so long. But then ,I went this week and had the first appt of the day- and i was 5 minutes late, stressing, but the doctor arrived 15 minutes late. So, what to do. I have frequently waited 20-30 mins. Our orthodontist is great- no waiting- 5 minutes max.

Im not Christian but I always presume, when people say they love Jesus, that they presume to have a personal relationship with him, that they have had a revelation of some sort and they love the person, being, we call Jesus. Not an abstract, loving the teachings sort of thing, but they feel a personal resonance and connection with the man himself.

Different for each kid. Initially, support for son who was "failing" at school. That was the underlying motivation for homeschooling him right through to this year when he is at school. For dd- social reasons. Peer group pressure. We wanted more influence on her peer group, on her- we felt we would lose her to her peers by age 10 if we didn't homeschool. As it was, it took quite a while to bring her heart back home, but eventually, it happened, and she developed a great social network.

I just work on it consistently. But I also don't make too big a deal about it. Kids learn not to say these things in front of granma, and if I react, they learn not to say it in front of me. It can become a habit though- dh went through a stage last year of getting himself out of the habit of swearing, which he noticed had become quite bad. You can have a family swear jar, and anyone who swears has to put a designated amount of money in the jar- that way you can all work on it together, which takes the focus off the kid who does it the worse, since you all do it a little. YOu can make it a game, and decide which words are ok. My son, when he was little, wanted to swear so badly- he really had a temper. We allowed him the word "bumhead" and that satisfied him- he thought that must be a pretty bad swear word.

My parents were rather liberal in that respect and I frequently saw them naked, right through my teenage years. No problem walking into the bathroom, and we had a country cottage where we swam naked in the river. We all enjoyed it. Dh also walks around naked. I seem to have become a little more modest in my middle age :) but it still doesn't bother me if my kids see me naked- but I don't walk around the house naked. But we have a spa in the garden, where dh and I sit naked every day, and the kids will often come and chat to us there. I wouldn't use bathers in the swimming pool, either, unless we had visitors. However, although we have never made a big deal out of it, I have 2 very modest kids, neither of whom I have seen naked for years. I do believe ds and his friends have naked swims in the pool at night time though :)

Happier as I age. Yes, happy, with some difficult days, but I find it easier to manage them as I get older. I learn to surf the waves more rather than getting dumped. I pull out of a tail spin more quickly. My life is fairly simple and uncomplicated nowadays. I have a good roof over my head, good food, good friends, good family, no major crises, and plenty of things that interest me. We have occasional money problems, but who doesn't, and in the great scheme of things ours aren't bad. I think I am fairly cheerful a lot of the time, too, but not always. I guess I don't see happiness as a "happy happy happy" sort of attitude- just more a general contentment with how things are, and I guess an absence of ongoing depression or major grief, etc It doesnt mean I am never sad or unhappy, but I am not stuck there. The emotions flow and ebb and cycle, and underlying that is a general happiness.

Thinking out of the box. Unconventional.

I find I am loving teenagers. I like hanging out with them when my kids bring them over. I like the zany conversations, the mixture of vulnerability and arrogance. I love teens. Little kids- toddlers and such- I am ok for a while. I love babies and toddlers. I like little kids. But I find when they are with parents who don't have any boundaries, who can't hold a conversation with me because their kid is always interrupting- I do get annoyed, so I might have outgrown that phase for now. I have friends with a toddler and I adore him, and love them, but in small doses! Middle school aged kids- while I liked my own kids at that age, I must admit I haven't enjoyed all my kids friends so much at that age. Maybe it was just because those were the years I homeschooled and I was tired a lot of the time.

He is 15. Enjoy every moment he actually wants to spend with you :) Don't sweat the small stuff- keep it in perspective. Forgive, forget, move on. The time you spend with him is very precious even if in the midst of it you feel it is ordinary and he is annoying. My 15yo son is very annoying, I can tell you, but I hug him every morning and start fresh.

I see so many people who give themselves a hard time. I think it is usually an internalisation of how they were treated, or spoken to, by significant adults, during their childhood. I used to be like that too- it has taken years of changing the pattern. When I notice it, I change it. I put effort into treating myself with the kindness I try to treat others. I don't know why we treat others so much better than ourselves- I work hard at treating myself with the same consideration, forgiveness and respect that I generally treat others. I deserve it as much as anyone else- and so do you.

Yep, my dh is ADHD to the max. Expelled from 3 kindergartens, and again in highschool. Trouble child. Rebellious child and adult. Distractable. Anti authoritarian. And having a conversation with him can be SOOO frustrating because I will be sharing something and he will get up and leave the room while I am mid sentence, because he remembered something somewhere else. Or I will be in a deep conversation with him about something and he will change the subject to the dog mid sentence as if it was completely natural, and not even come back to the conversation we were having. He has never done meds and doesnt want to- he thinks it is who he is and he wouldn't want to be any different, even though some parts are frustrating. His unique crazy wiring makes him independent, a right brain thinker, entrepreneurial, a leader- he wouldn't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. It was a very rough childhood for him but he learned coping mechanisms. He is a character and usually makes a strong impact on people. However I am not always patient with him, and I don't always buy the "it's my ADHD" line, either. Rude is rude!(when it comes to cutting me off mid conversation to talk to the dog, empty the garbage etc)

I admit to having a prejudice against polyester- even acrylic- as I prefer all things naturale- however nowadays I am not so fanatical and if the colour or style is my thing, I might compromise on fabric a little, or occasionally. Its worth a try if your wardrobe is not up to your liking.

I try to provide something because now that my kids are teens, we often to have guests and they are often hungry- usually I buy an extra bag or 2 of corn chips and salsa so they can have just chips, or make some nachos. I have also taken to buying large bags of frozen chips so that I or they can make a quick filling meal. I dont cook every night so sometimes i am caught out with guest kids and no plan for a meal- chips does the trick, as does pasta with pesto, which the kids make themselves. My kids have learned to buy junk food on their way home if they want to share it with their friends, since I don't buy much at all. I do feel a bit tight around the issue and have felt resentment, but I also train myself to be generous in a way I feel ok about. I want my kids to bring their teen friends over, so I feel the need to provide some snacks and sometimes light meals. Ds has one friend who has trouble at home and dh has told him to come here anytime he needs to. I feel obliged to feed him when he is here and I am ok with that- it does take a little forethought and effort though. Teen boys eat a lot! If the kids are just freeloaders from across the street? I might provide popsicles but i dont think it is necessary to provide anything really. However- ds was been so warmly welcomed into a certain home in the street, and the mum feeds him well and invites him to family functions and even holidays - so I have no problem feeding the boys an apple or corn chips. And i am grateful for this generous mum, and she has been a bit of a role model to me in how generosity can impact someone's life- my son has benefitted tremendously from his acceptance into their family (and she felt ds was a good role model for her sons- weird how other adults perceive your kids! )

My dh taught me a lot about this. He reckons in the corporate or professional world, being late will lose you contracts, jobs etc. They may not tell you why, though, but it is just disrespectful and unprofessional and you automatically lose credibility. He runs a group therapy practice where he literally trains people not to be late for the session so that they can learn to get their acts together in the rest of their lives too. So, if they are late, they are not allowed in the door, literally. But they know- the very first time, they are warned. After that, no more warnings. These people are generally pretty good at being on time in other areas of their lives now- which works better for them. But it kind of depends on the lifestyle, too. If you are not interacting in a professional way very often, maybe it doesn't matter so much. Some people are chronically late- but who knows what opportunities they are missing because people don't invite them? I like to be punctual but am sometimes late for social events, but usually that doesn't matter so much- if it was important, I would make more effort to be on time. For appointments, I am generally on time. I do have a tendency to leave home right on time though, and if there is extra traffic, I might be late. SUch a range of possibilities. I have one woman in my life that I love dearly, yet she is what I would call a flake and I wouldn't trust she would turn up to anything let alone on time- so I don't involve my life with her in such a way that I would be inconvenienced by her. She stayed with other friends of mine, and sometimes would turn up for dinner, sometimes not. That would make me mad, but to her, its no big deal. But she doesn't have kids or a partner- so maybe she doesn't understand why anyone else would be bothered. If there was no dinner she probably wouldn't mind either. I guess I have compassion or both sides- nowadays, it really irritates me when people are late because I make the effort not to be, and it feels inconsiderate. But I remember a time in my earlier life when it just never occurred to me that it was particularly inconsiderate- and I was much more fluid with time- so it wasn't a big deal. I try to remember not everyone really perceives time the same way- but I do make a note not to rely on that person so much as I might otherwise.

I think you are definitely on the right track. I have a stepdd22 and at present, she is not talking to dh or I because of what boils down to money issues, and alcohol abuse. I think it can be great that a dad provides money but when it becomes the sole cause for interaction it seems to backfire anyway, because there's not much respect there. StepDd also hates me, and I cant say dh has always been great with her- but she is really off balance and has been very hysterical and abusive to both him and I, when we were trying to help. What to do. Its a relief not to have her around, personally, because of all the drama, yet I still wish her well. I think she- and your stepdd- need to let go of the parent strings and the way they are behaving is just asking for that. Better they learn to stand alone and come back to form a healthy relationship not based just on what they can get. I have suffered guilt being a stepmum and actually wanting stepdd out of our house (when she lived with us) and our lives (when she creates so much horrible, poisonous drama), and that is eventually what has happened, but I am just human and the drama wasn't healthy for the rest of the family, either. My kids were glad to have their sister away too. So its not just me. But it is still a difficult position to be in. I leave it to dh now, but I send her quiet prayers and love from my heart. It can be tough and I myself had a tough ride those years.

Yes, teach your kids what to do. Strider's suggestions are great. I don't know what it is about white vans but I am in Australia and we had a guy in a white van attempt to abduct kids around my area a few years back. I just lectured the kids over and over about watching out for white vans, for suspicious people, warned them there was an abductor around, and told them to run if someone tried to grab them or get them to enter a car. And I taught them to trust their gut feeling. And to hang out with friends rather than alone.

:iagree: Amber, you learn to give the moderator just enough to send them away for another year. Find out what they want and give them that and no more. Mostly they want to see some reading and writing progress at that age, and some numbers skills developing age appropriately. They do not need to see art, LOTE or anything else. They do want to see a "learning environment" but I am sure you have that. While they may expect some writing at that age- if your dd does any writing at all in the year- you give that to the moderator as a sample of her writing. She doesn't have to know it was her only writing. My first moderator wanted me to make a portfolio for her at the end of each year, of the kids' work. I thought, wow, what a lot of work for me! Then I spoke to other mums who also had this moderator- and they said no, you don't have to do that at all. She might want it- and being a newbie, you don't know any better- but you don't have to do it. You only have to show progress markers in the major areas. Especially at that age. So next meeting, she will want to see some progress in reading, writing and maths. But what is progress? Anything. You really don't have to give them everything they want, just because they want it. You can even request a different moderator. You can set up a meeting in a different place from your home, and you can go without the kids, believe it or not. I know people in Perth who have done that. It took me about 2 years to get the hang of moderators and then it was fine. They were then in and out in an hour, for 2 kids. And it was a pleasant chat and fun to show off to someone, some of the things the kids had done. Do you have anyone in your area you can talk to about your particular moderator? It helps to know their personality and what they expect. Some are way fussier than others- mainly because there is no standard - each moderator makes up their own requirements in WA. Its really strangely unregulated, which makes it great if you get a good moderator, and hard if you don't. But don't let them control how you homeschool- just learn to play the system.

I dont think it is harsh however unfortunately my experience is that those sorts of outbursts rarely result in long term changed behaviours. Better to be consistent, even when you are in a good mood and the mess isn't bothering you so much. And better to be consistent with a good attitude- just cheerily consistent- than easygoing and lax, then explosive, according to your emotions. Kids don't usually have the capability to translate one explosive mommy session into long term motivation to change. Patience and persistence is always called for. My mum was generally an easygoing person and I was a slob, as was my brother. We didn't do chores, we didn't keep our bedrooms tidy. Around once a month, mum would explode in anger about the mess and we would have to stay in on the weekend until everything was tidy. But I grew up not having a clue about keeping things tidy- and resenting the need to. With my kids, while we do not have a perfect situation by any means, I have tried to teach them to pick up after themselves consistently, I have worked alongside them with big jobs, and also continually decluttered, and taught them to declutter, so as not to have too much stuff around. I think it takes a bit more strategy than a few threats :)

It's different every time. My family all eat at various times, sometimes make food for themselves, sometimes I make it. There would be no fixed answer...it would vary too much. Since my family are so fussy I frequently just make what I feel like making, when I feel like making it, and leave them to fend for themselves the rest of the time.

When I looked into fostering, and went to some meetings, I was told that it works best when the child is younger than your own kids, so that they aren't superceded.

I guess many of the threads are not isolated, and may refer indirectly to previous threads or topics that the writer presumes others have read. There are many acronyms used too which sometimes I lose track of or simply forget what they mean. You can ask, you know. When someone asks "what does TEa, or booKs really mean?" the people who are in the know love to get in and tell them. There's no shame in asking, especially when it brings up humorous or controversial topics. A community has built up here over many years now and many topics come and go and many incidents come and go, and a collective understanding arises which maybe newbies take a while to get the hang of. But everyone is most welcome- I don't think it is cliquey. Just ask, if you don't understand. It might help others of us too. Usually if I don't understand, I just move on but sometimes I appreciate it when someone asks.

I agree that anything by Pema Chodran is great. My library has books of hers. I also absolutely love Tara Brach and have her book, Radical Acceptance. Her website has many free audios, and videos. The classic book I love is Zen Mind Beginners Mind.

I get that probiotics are good for the gut, the immune system etc, but I have never trusted that they are really alive when they get there. So no, I don't trust them, and I don't generally take them. DH and I once tried to make yoghurt with some probiotic tablets- because if they are alive, surely they will make yoghurt? It didn't work. I do use fermented products for the same purpose- kefir, yoghurt, sauerkraut, miso....not all the time but I go through phases of using them. I always think you are better off using food than a tablet, if possible. Chances are the tablets do work- I know a lot of research goes into them- but I just never trust them.