Letting kids play

[domestic_engineer]

So I *may* have tiger mom tendencies and have a hard time just letting my kids play. It's a beautiful day outside, and the kids are outside playing and using their imagination. But I'm feeling loads of guilt over not doing bookwork. (I plan to tackle the bookwork in the heat of the day. But obviously less bookwork will get done than originally planned.)

 

I keep telling myself that this is a benefit of HSing and play is the business of childhood ... But it's not working. Can you help assuage my guilt or offer encouragement Or offer a plan to balance my tiger tendencies or something ....? Please?

[Arcadia]

I count play as PE. Not totally correct but my kids are technically in motion.

 

I schedule seatwork for when it is the hottest part of the day, when my kids are happy to be seated and slurping orange juice while getting work done.

[Critterfixer]

I change schedules to take advantage of good outdoor opportunities in late summer/early fall. And night school is fun in the winter, when we get to play in the afternoon, but get a little done at night with hot chocolate or cinnamon toast. 

I also find that a morning spent imagining and playing is useful for priming the mind to make those imaginative leaps needed for studies like Latin and Math. Play is brain food.

[lllll]

nm

Edited October 5, 2016 by Cathi

[OneStepAtATime]

Kids learn through play. They are hardwired to do so. Physically and mentally they need play. NEED IT. They aren't wasting time, they are learning and developing just like they were meant to. Read scientific studies on how the brain and body of a child work. This is part of their developmental process and a very important one. You are doing the right thing. Let them play.

[Tanaqui]

Children focus better on their bookwork when they've been playing. This isn't anecdata, I can cite that if you give me some time. And the national recommendations are that children get AT LEAST an hour of active play every single day.

 

Edit: Citation.

Edited August 22, 2016 by Tanaqui

[blondchen]

Let them play!! I've read lots and lots of stuff that shows how important free play is for kids' minds and hearts, and I can tell you that it's obvious with my own kids. I've had so many people tell me how imaginative and creative they are, and they do beautifully with their "academics" as well and are not at all behind. If your regular schedule doesn't allow for enough margin to give kids some extra play time outside when the weather is especially fine, you're probably planning too much school work. And certainly they should have at least a couple of hours of free play every day, whether inside or outside.

 

Here's an article by Christopher Perrin (who is no intellectual slouch!!) about why kids need to play to learn. I heard his talk on this at a homeschool convention and it was fantastic. So inspiring. There's probably a way to access his talk online somewhere, but I don't have time to search for a link for that right now.

[domestic_engineer]

Thanks y'all!  I'll keep reading through the thread each time I get anxious ....

 

[Arcadia]

If you are worried about bookwork being neglected, "tabulate" by the month instead of daily. Some days it might seem like nothing got done but over a period of time, kids tend to balance things out.

 

Of course if at the end of the month, really little gets done and there were no sick days or unforseen circumstances, then adjust your schedule and/or your curriculum choices.

[Miss Tick]

Maybe enlarge your focus to look at the entire week's work, rather than just what you had scheduled for today.

 

If you have a four-day-a-week curriculum you could skip that one today and do it on the day off, perhaps.

 

Something like math, which is usually "do the next thing" curricula could be skipped one day and it will still keep moving along. Science, history and foreign language likely fall into this category also.

 

So pick one or two things that you would be willing to let go of today if everybody peters out, and select the first one or two things you will work on when they come in (read-aloud with snack, then writing or math?) since those we'll be must likely to get done today.

 

Lastly, keep track of this type of day in the margin of your attendance sheet. You may discover that they are more infrequent than your imagination leads you to believe!

[MerryAtHope]

So I *may* have tiger mom tendencies and have a hard time just letting my kids play. It's a beautiful day outside, and the kids are outside playing and using their imagination. But I'm feeling loads of guilt over not doing bookwork. (I plan to tackle the bookwork in the heat of the day. But obviously less bookwork will get done than originally planned.)

 

I keep telling myself that this is a benefit of HSing and play is the business of childhood ... But it's not working. Can you help assuage my guilt or offer encouragement Or offer a plan to balance my tiger tendencies or something ....? Please?

 

My oldest has graduated from our homeschool, and my youngest is a senior this year. I have no regrets about the days I let them play outside and get to bookwork later. Zero. Sometimes I wish I played with them more. Sometimes I wish I had done more nature walks and letting them get into a creek and get muddy days. But I don't regret the beautiful days that I said "go out and play," or the snowy days I said "let's go sledding at the park," or the rainy days I said "sure, you can go stomp in the puddles." I don't regret the times I heard them giggling together in one of their rooms and decided school could wait a bit. Be diligent, but recognize that play is so healthy and educational for their developing minds and bodies. 

[happypamama]

That's why we start in July, because it's blistering hot out there. If we've gotten a good amount of book work done early on, I'll feel okay if they have some of the nice fall days to spend outside. We also don't take off in the winter when public school has snow days. Our reward is being done by mid-May and having all of June off. Nice to sit on the beach before it gets blistering hot!

 

I also try to be flexible with spring break. A few days off around Easter, but also, I'd like to save a few break days to use whenever the nicest spring weather hits, and that can be hard to predict too much in advance.

 

I also marked out where I want us to be by four points in the year, so that should help me tell whether we're on track or not when deciding to take breaks or not.

 

But I agree -- children need to run and play!!

[Bluegoat]

The other side of studies showing that young kids need play is that there aren't any showing that early literacy and numeracy are important for sucess as an adult.

[Joyofsixreboot]

First, figure out just what was bugging you..my kid will be " dumb", I'll look bad, I like rules and don't like breaking them? Address what it is that is the issue. Realistically a conscientious homeschool covers much more than a brick& mortar will have time for, if people are judging you that's on them, no one but you is keeping track of those rules.

[Jackie]

I typically schedule school for 9 days out of 10. Once every two weeks I can totally and completely scrap our school plans and move everything back a day without even messing up the schedule. It can be for a long field trip, a nice day outside, or just because we're grumpy or tired or plain don't want to do school.

[4KookieKids]

First, figure out just what was bugging you..my kid will be " dumb", I'll look bad, I like rules and don't like breaking them? Address what it is that is the issue. Realistically a conscientious homeschool covers much more than a brick& mortar will have time for, if people are judging you that's on them, no one but you is keeping track of those rules.

I agree with this, but it's so hard to be honest!! When I'm honest, I admit that most of my "guilt" over not doing "more" stems from wanting to keep up with so and so or wanting myself to look good because my kids are so advanced. Sad reasons to make a child miss a beautiful morning outside or even a long anticipated battle bot fight he created with k'nex. :)

[Arcadia]

When I'm honest, I admit that most of my "guilt" over not doing "more" stems from wanting to keep up with so and so or wanting myself to look good because my kids are so advanced. Sad reasons to make a child miss a beautiful morning outside or even a long anticipated battle bot fight he created with k'nex. :)

 

What I find hardest to keep up with public school kids of my kids age is PE. My kids would be stuck on their chair with their noses to their books or laptops if I don't nag them to play.

 

According to state laws, public school are suppose to allocate 200 mins/fortnight to PE for elementary and 400mins/fortnight for 7th-12 grade.  My kids play less than 200 mins/fortnight when they were in K-6 unless I actively remind them to.

[SanDiegoMom]

The biggest problem I came up against with just letting them play was it setting a bad precedent. Lack of established routine makes it easier to get dissatisfied and grumpy and push for more play. My kids can come up with awesome and creative reasons why play is more rewarding than their history narration and I fell for it awhile. But after awhile I realized they weren't really getting THAT much out of play to count it as school and often it just descended into requests for screen time. So I stick to our schedule no matter what- and if I work in a day of play so much the better. As long as it's on the schedule:-)

[lllll]

nm

Edited October 5, 2016 by Cathi

[Arcadia]

The biggest problem I came up against with just letting them play was it setting a bad precedent. Lack of established routine makes it easier to get dissatisfied and grumpy and push for more play

My kids have daily minimum that must be done unless they are too sick to get out of bed. My oldest is routine driven and both kids have their own planners.

 

By abilities wise, my kids could get more accomplished per day. However my kids have different needs for non-academic time. My DS10 needs a certain amount of play time to be chirpy so we just budget that time in.

 

I think the only time my parents and elders would be saying just let them play would be when my generation and younger have school holildays. Then we were mostly outdoors playing from breakfast to supper time and do negligible school holiday homework.

[UmMusa]

Let them play!!!

[domestic_engineer]

Thanks again, everyone!  What an encouragement!  I will try to focus on the memories being made and the relationships being developed in my times of panic.

 

Is there an age where play must/should be curtailed? 10?  11?  13?  15?

 

I admit that I'm being insecure ... Classical education has a long, wonderful record of producing educated people.  Even the traditional school model (public or private), with all its foibles, has still produced some well educated people.  But I don't know, off the top of my head, of any/many who claim to have had a childhood filled with "lots" of play and little school work and still end up well educated.  Yes, yes, I know I'm going to the extreme here and being overly dramatic.  I posted about ONE day of setting school work til later and not a career of playing.  But that's what floats through my mind as I watch the kids play.  I guess I *am* a rule-follower (if it makes sense to me), and I feel like I'm not following the "rules" for producing a well-educated set of children.  Plus there's no rule that I can refer to that says how much is "too much play."  

 

Can anyone else relate?  I'm having an internal battle between the unschooling mindset and the tiger mom mindset, I think.  I know ... I'm weird!  :crying:   

 

 

[Critterfixer]

 

Is there an age where play must/should be curtailed? 10?  11?  13?  15?

 

I hope not. I'm still playing. :laugh:  We work hard at school too, and I think it helps that we play a lot in the mornings. Play so far this summer has netted both boys between 151 and 245 pages of novel each that might be a project for revision in November, and already has them excited about learning to type this fall. So play kind of turned out to be sort of productive for us. 

I freely admit to playing around with words, going on walks and insisting on half-day or more outings every weekend that don't involve anything more than taking in the scenery and hopefully getting a good dip in a creek somewhere. Even grownups need playtime, and we've got to make time for it, so why not teach the kids that it's important to make time for it, too?

 

[domestic_engineer]

Even grownups need playtime, and we've got to make time for it, so why not teach the kids that it's important to make time for it, too?

True ... i should clarify ....

When should play be relegated to certain set times?  Adults do play, but they play on the their (pre-determined) days off or the evenings.   Work first; play second.  I'm feeling guilty for playing first and then seeing how much work we can fit in afterwards, if any.  Guess I'm feeling guilty for skipping school, in my mind.  That's not very disciplined of me.  Discipline is needed to achieve success/greatness ... right?!?

[8filltheheart]

I am a firm believer in the importance of playing. My kids play for hours every day. I think it develops higher order thinking skills. Instead of thinking in terms of how much play time, I think more in terms of how much school time-- approx 1 hr per grade level until middle school. 6-8 hrs in middle school. 7-10 hrs in high school. (These are all M-F totals. It my high schoolers want to shift some work to weekends, they can.)

[Critterfixer]

 

When should play be relegated to certain set times?  Adults do play, but they play on the their (pre-determined) days off or the evenings.   Work first; play second.  I'm feeling guilty for playing first and then seeing how much work we can fit in afterwards, if any.  Guess I'm feeling guilty for skipping school, in my mind.  That's not very disciplined of me.  Discipline is needed to achieve success/greatness ... right?!?

 

Yes....but so is imagination. There is a balance. And it takes time to find it. But it's very easy to plan to play in the afternoon, and then find that everybody is too tired to play! That's why I like to take time in the mornings to play. My boys will even set an alarm clock on their own to get that early morning play in. And I will get my chores done as quickly as I can so that I can sit down and play with my novel too. I have a dedicated time to work on it in the afternoon, but some of my very best imagining takes place shortly after waking up. That's so important, that I rank that right up there with my top priorities, and I won't be starting school early if I happen to get going around the time school is set to start. I'll wrap it up and get going, but I might be late to school... and somehow everything still gets done.

[domestic_engineer]

I am a firm believer in the importance of playing. My kids play for hours every day. I think it develops higher order thinking skills. Instead of thinking in terms of how much play time, I think more in terms of how much school time-- approx 1 hr per grade level until middle school. 6-8 hrs in middle school. 7-10 hrs in high school. (These are all M-F totals. It my high schoolers want to shift some work to weekends, they can.)

 

That's helpful - I can change my mindset and metrics for success into something positive!  I like it!!

[domestic_engineer]

Yes....but so is imagination. There is a balance. And it takes time to find it. But it's very easy to plan to play in the afternoon, and then find that everybody is too tired to play! That's why I like to take time in the mornings to play. My boys will even set an alarm clock on their own to get that early morning play in. And I will get my chores done as quickly as I can so that I can sit down and play with my novel too. I have a dedicated time to work on it in the afternoon, but some of my very best imagining takes place shortly after waking up. That's so important, that I rank that right up there with my top priorities, and I won't be starting school early if I happen to get going around the time school is set to start. I'll wrap it up and get going, but I might be late to school... and somehow everything still gets done.

I'm sooo glad your brought this up!

I have noticed that some of my kids' best imaginative and cooperative play does come in the morning ... ya know the exact same time slot where I'm "supposed" to be doing morning time (to manage priorities) or math lessons (to take advantage of a fresh mind).  I'll have to chew on how to balance my priorities, but it helps me to know that I'm not alone.

[lllll]

nm

Edited October 5, 2016 by Cathi

[Critterfixer]

 

I have noticed that some of my kids' best imaginative and cooperative play does come in the morning ... ya know the exact same time slot where I'm "supposed" to be doing morning time (to manage priorities) or math lessons (to take advantage of a fresh mind).  I'll have to chew on how to balance my priorities, but it helps me to know that I'm not alone.

 

Usually right after waking up the mind is in wander mode, I think. It's not ready to get after anything. I still do math in the morning, but I've learned the hard way to do Latin first, and to let the Latin follow a good, prolonged "play" period. FWIW, I do school at the same time as my boys. We work on Latin together, and while they work on Math, I work on geometry. I can say with some conviction, if I don't play in the morning, I don't do well with school. 

[goldenecho]

In Finland, a country which many believe to have the best public education system in the world, the first year of school, their kindergarten/pre-school, starts at age six and is 100% free play.  They only do anything specifically academic if the kids show and interest and want to (and that's new...at first they were not allowed to do any work on letters or numbers with the kids at all).  In the next grade, at age 7, they start formal reading and writing and math instruction, but they only have a half day of school and they have 15 minute free play breaks every 45 minutes because they believe it's still important for kids to get lots of play time at that age.   And by the time they take their ONLY standardized test, in high school, they are beating the rest of the world in test scores.

 

http://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2015/10/the-joyful-illiterate-kindergartners-of-finland/408325/

http://taughtbyfinland.com/hello-world/

 

Waldorf schools also start teaching reading and writing and math around 7 or 8 years old and focus on arts and crafts and free play before then. And by 5th grade they show no difference in performance from kids who started instruction in those subject earlier (sorry, don't remember where I read that one so don't have a source).

 

And the truth is...research actually shows greater long term gains from play-based pre-school and kindergarten programs than from more academic programs.  While studies do show initial gains in kids who do more academic work early, a few years later they are no better, and sometimes worse off, from peers who started formal academics later.  And there is also research that pushing kids too hard early on can cause them to burn out and do worse later (this isn't if they are interested and seeking out this on their own, but if they are pressured to do academic work early in stead of allowing them to play). 

 

http://www.allianceforchildhood.org/sites/allianceforchildhood.org/files/file/Reading_Instruction_in_Kindergarten.pdf

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201505/early-academic-training-produces-long-term-harm

 

You are doing such a good thing by giving your children lots of free play time now.  They will not suffer for it.

Edited August 26, 2016 by goldenecho

[Bluegoat]

True ... i should clarify ....

When should play be relegated to certain set times?  Adults do play, but they play on the their (pre-determined) days off or the evenings.   Work first; play second.  I'm feeling guilty for playing first and then seeing how much work we can fit in afterwards, if any.  Guess I'm feeling guilty for skipping school, in my mind.  That's not very disciplined of me.  Discipline is needed to achieve success/greatness ... right?!?

 

I think you can use set times any time it works better.

 

If you find that working in the morning makes a huge difference, or your kids need regularity, or you can only teach at a particular time - set aside blocks of time for play and work, that are regular.  If it doesn't matter to your outcomes, be flexible.

 

Carry on until it doesn't work any more.  If your high school kids can have a flexible scedual and get their work done, that is ok too.