How should this be paid for?

[dragons in the flower bed]

The ex and I have legal paperwork that very clearly and specifically states that he is to pay for 50% of the kids homeschooling expenses, including books, miscellaneous supplies and lessons.

 

My partner's son is eleven years old. My kids with my ex-husband are eight and six years old. I homeschool all of them. So what's actually happening is that my partner is buying books for the 11yo, and when the time comes I reuse those for the 8yo & 6yo.

 

Should I ask my ex to pay for those hand-me-downs? How do I determine his share?

Edited May 4, 2009 by dragons in the flower bed

[Hillary in KS]

Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't ask ex-dh to pay for hand-me-down books.

 

If you have to purchase new workbooks or consumable materials for those books, sure. But not for hand-me-downs.

 

But that may be just me.

[Tree House Academy]

Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't ask ex-dh to pay for hand-me-down books.

 

If you have to purchase new workbooks or consumable materials for those books, sure. But not for hand-me-downs.

 

But that may be just me.

 

 

:iagree:

[Stacie]

I would "buy" the books from your partner, an actual transaction with a check. Then you have a record to pass along to your xh. You can determine the amount to pay since you use the books and can have some control over their condition. A good rule of thumb is something like 75% of new value if they are still in great shape, with more for harder-to-find or expensive books and less for common, easier-to-find ones.

[Paula in MS]

I would ask him to pay a used book price for the books 1 time. The second time it is passed down, he will not incur any expense (obviously.) The money that you get from selling the used books to him should go to your partner to help offset the cost of new books for his son.

 

Paula

[*********]

Perhaps you could look up what the book would cost for you to buy it used (since it is used by the time it gets to your ex's kids), then ask your ex for half of that price. I'd make sure to look up the 'used' price in several places (if you can find it), just to be certain that the price you're asking him to pay is fair.

 

However, to be completely honest, if I were in your position, I'd probably not ask ex to pay for books that were originally bought for the 11-year-old. If, say, you had an agreement that he paid for half of the children's clothing, would you ask him to pay half the 'used' price for hand-me-down clothes? Maybe you would, and I'm not trying to judge you or your decisions/situation. Just something to consider.

 

If you and ex have a good working relationship, maybe just explain the situation to him, and see what he offers. He may, in fact, be glad to pay half the 'used' price for books, and be grateful that he's not footing the bill for all new books. :D I mean, I guess technically, if there was a book that you had originally gotten for 11-year-old, then a few years later you wanted to use that book for ex's kids, you could buy another new copy of the book, charge ex for 1/2 the price, then sell the used copy you have left over from 11-year-old. Not that I'd recommend that (it seems a bit silly and time-consuming, to be honest), but if you explain to ex that you would be within your legal rights to do that, he may REALLY like to just pay you half the 'used' price for the hand-me-down books. :D

 

Just my $.02.

[Unicorn.]

I would ask him to pay a used book price for the books 1 time. The second time it is passed down, he will not incur any expense (obviously.) The money that you get from selling the used books to him should go to your partner to help offset the cost of new books for his son.

 

Paula

 

I would "buy" the books from your partner, an actual transaction with a check. Then you have a record to pass along to your xh. You can determine the amount to pay since you use the books and can have some control over their condition. A good rule of thumb is something like 75% of new value if they are still in great shape, with more for harder-to-find or expensive books and less for common, easier-to-find ones.

 

:iagree: Pay your partner a fair used book price and make sure you have a record of it. That way you're covered legally if your xh tries to argue w/ you over whether or not you actually purchased them. And this way, your partner isn't paying for your dc's books. hth

[Carrie12345]

I would skip adding in the re-used books.

 

Hand me downs are perks, imo. The bookstore (or wherever) doesn't give me a cash credit for NOT buying my younger kids books, so I wouldn't expect my ex to (not that my youngers are his, but I'm just saying).

 

But I'm also in a situation where I send all of ds's outgrown clothes to his step-brother, and I don't ask for any payment on those. ;)

[Brigitte]

Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't ask ex-dh to pay for hand-me-down books.

 

If you have to purchase new workbooks or consumable materials for those books, sure. But not for hand-me-downs.

 

But that may be just me.

 

:iagree:

[Mabeline]

:iagree: I would charge him half of used prices which would be 50% of new. I think it sounds fair. I would also only charge him when you would be ready to use to books not when you bought them, in case you don't end up using the same books for the younger two.

[Audrey]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paula in MS

I would ask him to pay a used book price for the books 1 time. The second time it is passed down, he will not incur any expense (obviously.) The money that you get from selling the used books to him should go to your partner to help offset the cost of new books for his son.

 

Paula

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stacie

I would "buy" the books from your partner, an actual transaction with a check. Then you have a record to pass along to your xh. You can determine the amount to pay since you use the books and can have some control over their condition. A good rule of thumb is something like 75% of new value if they are still in great shape, with more for harder-to-find or expensive books and less for common, easier-to-find ones.

 

:iagree: Pay your partner a fair used book price and make sure you have a record of it. That way you're covered legally if your xh tries to argue w/ you over whether or not you actually purchased them. And this way, your partner isn't paying for your dc's books. hth

 

:iagree: The Libra in me thinks this is an equitable solution.

[TraceyS/FL]

:iagree: I would charge him half of used prices which would be 50% of new. I think it sounds fair. I would also only charge him when you would be ready to use to books not when you bought them, in case you don't end up using the same books for the younger two.

 

:iagree:

 

And with the paying your partner for them too so you have a record.

 

Of course, a lot depends on your relationship with the ex too....

[Hillary in KS]

:iagree: Pay your partner a fair used book price and make sure you have a record of it. That way you're covered legally if your xh tries to argue w/ you over whether or not you actually purchased them. And this way, your partner isn't paying for your dc's books. hth

 

I might ask my lawyer about doing something like this. Were I the ex-dh, I might be concerned that something hinky is going on.

 

Essentially, your partner is buying the books to teach his son. He is letting you use them for free. You did not pay for them, so ex-dh shouldn't be charged. If a friend gave you a bag of her son's clothes for your son, would you send ex-dh a bill for that as well?

 

If you had a very good relationship with x-dh, you could probably ask him how he wants to handle it and come to an agreement.

 

If you wanted to be a pain in the you-know-what, you could sell partner's child's books used, then buy all new materials for your children, and stick ex-dh with 50% of that bill.

 

But, again, it might just be the simplest to just handle these books as hand-me-downs.

[KarenNC]

I would "buy" the books from your partner, an actual transaction with a check. Then you have a record to pass along to your xh. You can determine the amount to pay since you use the books and can have some control over their condition. A good rule of thumb is something like 75% of new value if they are still in great shape, with more for harder-to-find or expensive books and less for common, easier-to-find ones.

 

I would think if you went with this model that you would want to be sure you are making the transaction as similar to open market conditions as possible so that there would be no questions later from your ex that you are inflating the price.

 

For instance, here's the pricing policy at our local homeschool consignment store

-We price items between 50%-80% of retail depending on the condition, demand, and copyright year.

-If there is a particularly valuable item, please alert us before we price it for you.

 

Getting Your Payment:

-Consignor's receive 50% of the selling price of every item minus an automatic listing fee for each item as follows: .20 listing charge for each item priced < $10.00; .25 for items < $20.00; .30 for items < $30.00 etc. Items with over 10 pieces may accrue up to a $1.00 listing fee.

This means individuals would expect to get 25-50% of cover price. Another homeschool store in our area buys used books for resell and does not resell at more than 50% of cover price. Other than that, in general used books are sold for 50% of cover price in most used bookstores unless they are particularly rare (which is not likely the case for most homeschool books).:grouphug:

 

You would be buying in an individual-to-individual situation rather than a consignment, so I would think 50% rather than 75% would be more realistic pricing. It would also be in line with what you might reasonably expect to get if you were to actually sell the books from the 11 yo on the open market and rebuy the same materials used from another person for the younger ones (if that makes sense). I also agree that he should only be asked to pay for the first time you "buy" the book that you plan to reuse for the youngest.

[Impish]

I'm not sure you can, unless you 'buy' them off your partner...determine their worth if you bought them 2nd hand. Other than that, keep track of consumables, etc.

[Aubrey]

I think the loss of the little bit of $--50% of 50%?--is worth the stability of the relationship.

 

However, IF the transaction needs to occur, I might sell ds11's books (online, hs store, whatever) & then rebuy (same books or other ones) & split that w/ dh. Actual receipts, kwim? No benefit on either of your parts from access to ds11's books.

 

If you decide not to send your xdh a bill for the books passed down to your younger dc, think of it like this: if a friend came & gave you some hs books, you wouldn't look up the resale value of those & charge your dh 1/2 of that. It's just a gift, a hand-me-down.

 

:grouphug: Hope it works out.

[TraceyS/FL]

I think the loss of the little bit of $--50% of 50%?--is worth the stability of the relationship.

 

However, IF the transaction needs to occur, I might sell ds11's books (online, hs store, whatever) & then rebuy (same books or other ones) & split that w/ dh. Actual receipts, kwim? No benefit on either of your parts from access to ds11's books.

 

If you decide not to send your xdh a bill for the books passed down to your younger dc, think of it like this: if a friend came & gave you some hs books, you wouldn't look up the resale value of those & charge your dh 1/2 of that. It's just a gift, a hand-me-down.

 

:grouphug: Hope it works out.

 

I would probably somehow let him know though that you are using books. In my life - this could be an issue too. "But she didn't buy a math book for 4 years".

 

I might then be apt to send a list/bill like:

 

XYZ **new** $25.00

AVC **new** $50.00

 

TUV **reused from S** fair market value if purchased used, $12.50 ($25.00 new)

 

And so forth, then maybe HE would take the initiative to pay part on his own? But i'd let him know what the value of the reuse he was getting was....

 

Back to reading....

[dragons in the flower bed]

Essentially, your partner is buying the books to teach his son. He is letting you use them for free. You did not pay for them, so ex-dh shouldn't be charged. If a friend gave you a bag of her son's clothes for your son, would you send ex-dh a bill for that as well?

 

No, I wouldn't, and that's how we've been handling it this far in. But this year, money is tighter. If we didn't need them for the younger kids, we'd definitely be selling the 11yo's old books to buy his new books. Anything the younger kids aren't going to be using this upcoming year, we already sold and will just have to rebuy when the littles get there. So imagine your friend with the bag of clothes saying, "I really need to put these on consignment at the local used kid clothes store so that I can afford new clothes for my kids, but, if you have nothing else, you can have them and we'll just make do." It's that kind of vague, "er, let me see what I can juggle," kind of situation, you know?

 

If you wanted to be a pain in the you-know-what, you could sell partner's child's books used, then buy all new materials for your children, and stick ex-dh with 50% of that bill.

 

I'm certain he would rather I sell them to him at 50% off used book prices, then mail them to him (he's a teacher) when our six-year-old outgrows them, or else buy them back for the child my partner and I have together. Our relationship is civil but not pleasant, but we trust each other not to commit any sort of fraud, so I'm certain he won't think this is hinky.

Edited May 4, 2009 by dragons in the flower bed

[Pamela H in Texas]

I agree with Hillary also. I do thin you could charge him half the used price, but I wouldn't.

[Stacie]

I'm certain he would rather I sell them to him at 50% off used book prices, then mail them to him (he's a teacher) when our six-year-old outgrows them, or else buy them back for the child my partner and I have together. Our relationship is civil but not pleasant, but we trust each other not to commit any sort of fraud, so I'm certain he won't think this is hinky.

 

 

Okay, I change my opinion. ;) If you will be using the books for a younger half sibling I say don't include them on the list of materials for his contribution. I'd just include the books you need specific to "his" children. However, since you have a relationship of civility with one another, I think it is okay to let him know that since your partner is letting you borrow books, you'd like to hold on to the books xh buys to use for the youngest as a trade off. It sounds like it may be fair for each side, without having to buy-sell-rebuy-sell-rebuy. I'd have a headache just trying to keep track!!

[snickelfritz]

fiddlesticks--I messed up the quotes.

 

I was trying to agree with the principle of keeping good records/charging a reasonable amount for used books for the oldest child of your ex and considering it a hand-me down for the youngest.

Edited May 4, 2009 by snickelfritz

[phathui5]

I wouldn't ask for money for things that you are essentially getting for free.

[Tap]

I think that you should charge him 2/3 the original cost of all books since 2/3 of the use will be for his kids.

 

 

BUT!!!! I would also credit back any sold materials to the fund also and make sure he knows you are doing this,

 

So, if you buy a book for 10.00 for your partners child to use, when it gets passed on to your 1st child, charge dh 1/3 of the cost, if your 2nd child uses it charge him another 1/3 of the cost. If in the end you sell it for $2.00 then grant the same percentage of profit back into the fund.

 

An easy way to keep track is to write very lightly in pencil on the back page.

 

OP-$10.00 (orig price)

U1-$3.33 (user 1)

U2-$3.33 (user 2)

 

when you resell it you will know what percentage to put back into the fund. If only one of his kids used it then, only credit the fund the correct percentage.

 

I track the prices I paid for books this way and it is super easy. I like to know what I paid, so when I resell them, I can adjust quickly.

 

 

Or to make it super easy...can you just ask him to chip in $200 yr or whatever you agree is fair, and call it good? Maybe send him a list of what your wish list is, and let him pay 1/2. Then use the money for other supplies like paper, pencils etc.

 

Or let him maintain a zoo membership, science museum or what ever your kids are interested in?

[TraceyS/FL]

Okay, I change my opinion. ;) If you will be using the books for a younger half sibling I say don't include them on the list of materials for his contribution. I'd just include the books you need specific to "his" children. However, since you have a relationship of civility with one another, I think it is okay to let him know that since your partner is letting you borrow books, you'd like to hold on to the books xh buys to use for the youngest as a trade off. It sounds like it may be fair for each side, without having to buy-sell-rebuy-sell-rebuy. I'd have a headache just trying to keep track!!

 

Hmmmm, you could rent the books! LOL!!

 

I wish i had more advice - i've been pondering it more while i was gone. I seriously can see this being an issue around here. Each side ends up with 2 kids using the book, which technically is a wash.

 

When you sell something used, in the past have you taken it off your half, or off the total, then split the remainder? (gee, can you tell i'm going thru a divorce right now? LOL!). I guess a lot for me ties into how you have been accounting it in the past. Does he "require" an itemized list? Does he care if you keep the books at the end or does he expect that you will resell them? If you are keeping them - have you ever in the past paid him for "his" share of the book?

 

I'm still leaning towards charging him 25% of retail for what you are using like you bought it used. Unless of course, he's buying more "new" stuff that your youngest will benefit from too. But you are pushing into the more expensive courses too - and then your current partner is spending more on all 4 kids than the ex is on 3.

 

Gee Rose, this is complicated! I'm not sure i'm helping.....:tongue_smilie:

 

:grouphug:

[Ohdanigirl]

:iagree: I would charge him half of used prices which would be 50% of new. I think it sounds fair. I would also only charge him when you would be ready to use to books not when you bought them, in case you don't end up using the same books for the younger two.

:iagree:

[dragons in the flower bed]

The more I talk about it, the less I want to ask him for money for these things. Sending him an invoice that says, "Life of Fred, $0.00" is emerging clearly as the simplest option that covers my hide.

 

Thanks very much to you all for being a sounding board once again for my nutsy schemes.

[TraceyS/FL]

Oh good - so i should stop thinking about it? LOL!

 

Would that *maybe* open up him asking why it's $0 - or him saying here, have an extra $50 to cover the "used stuff"?

 

But you've at least given me things to ponder (and not that i have someone waiting in the wings to share my kids stuff with either - i need to make that clear since my words here are being watched....).

[Catwoman]

The more I talk about it, the less I want to ask him for money for these things. Sending him an invoice that says, "Life of Fred, $0.00" is emerging clearly as the simplest option that covers my hide.

 

Thanks very much to you all for being a sounding board once again for my nutsy schemes.

 

I think that's probably the best way to handle it. Realistically, you probably wouldn't get enough money from your xh to make it worth potentially eroding a bit of his trust. Also, having your xh do the equivalent of paying your current partner probably wouldn't sit very well with him. Had you bought the books from someone in your local homeschool group or something, I think you would have been justified in asking for reimbursement.

 

One thing I thought of, though, is to document the "savings" to your xh, and then ask for some money to cover some fun, extra homeschool materials, like some educational DVDs, computer games, a nice set of reference books, or maybe the course materials for a non-essential (but useful) elective-type class for your dc. If your xh sees that you're being honest and upfront, he'll probably be more amenable to paying for some add-ons.

 

And if not, at least you haven't created any hostility. My biggest problem is with the xh paying your current guy; I can't imagine he wouldn't resent that, at least a little bit!

 

Cat

[dragons in the flower bed]

If your xh sees that you're being honest and upfront, he'll probably be more amenable to paying for some add-ons.

 

And if not, at least you haven't created any hostility. My biggest problem is with the xh paying your current guy; I can't imagine he wouldn't resent that, at least a little bit!

 

Cat

 

 

He actually has this very creepy paternal kind of, "thank you for taking care of my little girl while she's being rebellious," kind of relationship my partner, who desperately avoids any contact with him at all because it is so very icky. I shouldn't go there, though.

 

And, if he did offer to pay for extras or add-ons, I wouldn't take his offer. The legal agreement clearly states that we each pay half of the supplies and lessons and things, so if he pays for 100% of anything, I can be held liable for the other half. I don't believe he'd ever take that stuff to court, but he technically could, and I don't want to put myself in any sort of situation that requires explaining.

Edited May 5, 2009 by dragons in the flower bed

[SnowWhite]

Are there any things you buy for the 8yo (splitting the cost with ex) that the 11yo can also use? For example, a DiscoveryStreaming account, or Meet the Masters art are things that come to mind. This would be one way to stay within the guidelines while also providing your partner with some value for his contribution to the 8yo's book bill.

[dragons in the flower bed]

Are there any things you buy for the 8yo (splitting the cost with ex) that the 11yo can also use? For example, a DiscoveryStreaming account, or Meet the Masters art are things that come to mind. This would be one way to stay within the guidelines while also providing your partner with some value for his contribution to the 8yo's book bill.

 

That's an idea! We get Discovery Streaming free in our state, but maybe a family museum membership or magazine subscription would work. I'll have to think on it a little.

 

My partner doesn't mind contributing to the 8yo's book bill. My partner is the only dad the 8yo has known. My partner's whole life revolves around making these kids' lives as good as he can.

[katemary63]

I would "buy" the books from your partner, an actual transaction with a check. Then you have a record to pass along to your xh. You can determine the amount to pay since you use the books and can have some control over their condition. A good rule of thumb is something like 75% of new value if they are still in great shape, with more for harder-to-find or expensive books and less for common, easier-to-find ones.

 

PERFECT solution!

[SnowWhite]

That's an idea! We get Discovery Streaming free in our state, but maybe a family museum membership or magazine subscription would work. I'll have to think on it a little.

 

My partner doesn't mind contributing to the 8yo's book bill. My partner is the only dad the 8yo has known. My partner's whole life revolves around making these kids' lives as good as he can.

 

Of course... I was thinking you were trying to make things a bit more equitable. (Ex *should* contribute to the educational expenses).