Confused about homeschooling or not (very long, CC) . . .

[BamaTanya]

I homeschooled for 6 years. I loved it. I read TWTM and felt that "kindred spirit" feeling that led so many of us here. I intended to hs through high school with each of our blessings.

 

And then I burned out. Totally. At one time I was hs-ing 3, had an ADHD preschooler (who was turning on the stove, climbing the drapes, running water in the baths, etc), and was pg. I was running from dr to dr trying to figure out what was wrong with a VERY EMOTIONAL school-aged ds. Older dd was 2 years behind in math. We had to reteach and reteach and reteach. I didn't want to go ahead until she had mastered what we were doing.

I tried 57 different math curricula for her. Were blessed by a ps teacher who tutored her for free.

 

I got allergy testing and tried supplements and coughed up megabucks for sensory integration therapy that the neurologist said was nonsense for the older ds. Traveled 150 miles to get a diagnosis (Aspergers) from an autism specialist.

 

Chased the hyper ds back from the street over and over and hid the front door key to protect him.

 

And had a baby.

 

Dh saw that we were up against more than we (I) could take and he found the best-of-all-possible (and affordable) places for our dc.

 

I was actually relieved when they still had academic trouble at school. I had been thinking *I* was failing them and *I* couldn't teach them.

 

Obviously, 2 of our dc are now on meds that are partially covered by ins. In ps, they get speech, specific academic assistance, and occupational therapy (sporadically). Dd gets extra math help from teachers after school. Another ds is gifted and gets pulled out for gifted classes, art club, and choir.

They are getting more than we could afford, even if it is ps and it isn't perfect.

 

Having the dc in school has meant I can go and sit with my terminally ill mom. Without chasing dc around or refereeing their battles.

 

I'm back in school, preparing to return to work next year. I've taken out student loans to cover some extras and my tuition in the meantime. We need to knock out some debt (orthodontics and physical therapy that wasn't covered by insurance). The house needs work. One of the vehicles is 12 years old, and we have dc in 4 different schools.

 

In the year I've been in school, despite the added stress, I've been able to BREATHE financially, knowing that SOON we'll be able to get braces for the next kid and fix this and that in the house and take a VACATION (we literally haven't gone anywhere for 10 years!) I know returning to work will cost money, but dh is a school counselor and our salary will double. We could afford household help or private school for ds with Aspergers. Put some money away for college (if, God willing, they get there!)

 

And then the progress reports come home. Dd is nose diving. She begs me to let her homeschool. She hates the kids at school. The work is too hard (she often doesn't write down assignments and is ill-prepared for tests). Maybe she's ADD?

 

Ds (with Aspergers) has a teacher sent from God this year. He has grown in so many ways. But next year he's scheduled to go to a ROUGH school. Dh and I are willing to give it a try, to see if the special ed teachers there are willing/able to work with him. But we know he's never going to fit the mold and it's always going to be a day-to-day struggle.

 

The ADHD ds is struggling. Surprised? He'll probably fail this year. He's on medication, but he's very immature. Maybe he has Aspergers, too? Insurance won't pay for the psychological evaluation.

 

Dh is discouraged by the continual struggle. We don't blame the schools. We have quirky kids. I had trouble with them in homeschool. (And I'm thankful no one can blame their quirks on my homeschooling anymore!)

 

Dh is talking about bringing them all home again.

 

When he says that, I feel like I can't breathe all over again.

 

I love my dc. I want to do what's best for them. But I can't give them a classical home education. I don't know if I can get ds to write a paragraph or dd to master arithmetic! Ever! I can't keep them from fighting with each other.

 

I LOVE teaching. That's why I became I teacher. That's why I wanted to teach my own dc. That's why I'm getting a degree in gifted and talented education. I want to teach the classics! I want to have philosophical discussions.

 

If I bring my dc back home, we'll always struggle financially. And I'll feel like a failure again. I fear I don't have patience to deal with my own dc.

 

And I feel guilty.

 

Please, be gentle with me.

 

Maybe I *do* need to swallow my pride and bring them home. With their difficulties, maybe the big bad world isn't the right place for them. Maybe I'm the only one who can nurture and protect them and give them realistic expectations and map out their individual courses and help them not compare themselves with others.

 

It would be a huge jump. If we pull them out (special magnet schools), we can't put them back in. And I wouldn't be able to do my internship next spring semester to finish my degree. And I'd have to pay back those loans, so I'd probably have to find some kind of side job.

 

Obviously, we need to pray about what to do. If I try to discuss this with any of our family or friends (who don't understand homeschooling, anyway), they wouldn't even think there's a question. If we say the kids are struggling, they'd say, "Well, you know, Tanya, you aren't helping them if you protect them from everything" or "When you go back to work, you can put them in a good Christian school."

 

I don't know why I'm dumping this here. I just feel confused and I needed to get it out, I guess. I'm jealous (sorry!) of those who homeschool and their kids excel or they go to ps or college and do so well. Sigh.

[Melinda in VT]

It really does sound like you're between a rock and a hard place.

 

This is the part of your post that leapt out at me:

 

Dh is talking about bringing them all home again.

 

When he says that, I feel like I can't breathe all over again.

 

Big red flag. Parenting is tough sometimes. It doesn't matter if your kids are home schooled or public schooled, certain parenting stages can really tax you. And parents have to sacrifice some things for their kids, no doubt about it.

 

But I would be really, really wary of heading into a situation that makes you feel that trapped. I can't see how that would be in the best interests of your family.

 

I hope you are able to find a solution that gives you peace.

[mrscopterdoc]

I have to agree. If the thought of bringing your kids home is so stressful, you won't be able to be the best teacher for them.

 

Maybe you can 'limp' along for one more year. Finish your internship, and maybe try to get on your feet financially. Maybe the school won't be that rough for your children. If it is, maybe the next year you can bring them home and you will be in a better place. Or maybe just bring one of them home for now.

[OnTheBrink]

I have some friends in a similar situation. What they've done is sort of start an informal co-op. Three moms are homeschooling kids from 5 families, but not all the time and not for every subject. Could something like this work for you? Maybe send the child with the least amount of difficulties to the co-op and give you more time with the kids with the most difficulties? These gals have been doing this all year, and it's working well for them.

[Kate in VA]

I'm not sure I am one to reply or give advise. I only have one child (even tough at times she makes it seem like she's five kids!).

 

However something struck me when you mentioned that you would not be able to breathe again..... hmmm

 

Jumping back into homeschooling might not be the best answer.... I would focus of what the "main" situation is and work from there.......

 

Maybe afterschooling might work better.... at least for the next year while you finish school.....

 

Homeschooling is not for everyone.... I don't mean at all that you "can't" do it... but other options may be even better for your family (does that make sense? ----- It was not meant to come out mean..... I was trying to state that your family might have to work though your other better options) Okay I guess I can't write today...... I'm sorry

 

It was just my 2 cents.... I will be praying for you all!

Kate

[Closeacademy]

It sounds like you are not ready to homeschool. If it does come to pass and you take the kids out--I would not do a traditional hard-core classical approach. I would not go workbooks and textbooks.

 

If you bring them home, you will need to think out of the box and I would concentrate mainly on the 3 r's and have anything else be unschooled gravy.

 

My children are not quite as quirky as yours but I probably spend about 2 hours planning and writing curriculum for them for about every 15 minutes we spend doing actual work. It is a lot of work but I only have 2.

 

I find a lot of inspiration in ideas from Waldorf (apeals to visual), Montessori (hands-on), and Charlotte Mason (short intense lessons for the ADD or ADHD child).

 

Just wanted to add that Homeschooling is not for everyone and it is a tough job and sometimes especially when things are stressful or difficult school is the best option.

 

Good luck in the decisions that you make and I wish you all well.:)

[Tracey in TX]

I was actually relieved when they still had academic trouble at school. I had been thinking *I* was failing them and *I* couldn't teach them.

 

Obviously, 2 of our dc are now on meds that are partially covered by ins. In ps, they get speech, specific academic assistance, and occupational therapy (sporadically). Dd gets extra math help from teachers after school. Another ds is gifted and gets pulled out for gifted classes, art club, and choir.

They are getting more than we could afford, even if it is ps and it isn't perfect.

 

Having the dc in school has meant I can go and sit with my terminally ill mom. Without chasing dc around or refereeing their battles.

 

I'm back in school, preparing to return to work next year. I've taken out student loans to cover some extras and my tuition in the meantime. We need to knock out some debt (orthodontics and physical therapy that wasn't covered by insurance). The house needs work. One of the vehicles is 12 years old, and we have dc in 4 different schools.

 

In the year I've been in school, despite the added stress, I've been able to BREATHE financially, knowing that SOON we'll be able to get braces for the next kid and fix this and that in the house and take a VACATION (we literally haven't gone anywhere for 10 years!) I know returning to work will cost money, but dh is a school counselor and our salary will double. We could afford household help or private school for ds with Aspergers. Put some money away for college (if, God willing, they get there!)

 

And then the progress reports come home. Dd is nose diving. She begs me to let her homeschool. She hates the kids at school. The work is too hard (she often doesn't write down assignments and is ill-prepared for tests). Maybe she's ADD?

 

Ds (with Aspergers) has a teacher sent from God this year. He has grown in so many ways. But next year he's scheduled to go to a ROUGH school. Dh and I are willing to give it a try, to see if the special ed teachers there are willing/able to work with him. But we know he's never going to fit the mold and it's always going to be a day-to-day struggle.

 

The ADHD ds is struggling. Surprised? He'll probably fail this year. He's on medication, but he's very immature. Maybe he has Aspergers, too? Insurance won't pay for the psychological evaluation.

 

Dh is discouraged by the continual struggle. We don't blame the schools. We have quirky kids. I had trouble with them in homeschool. (And I'm thankful no one can blame their quirks on my homeschooling anymore!)

 

Dh is talking about bringing them all home again.

 

When he says that, I feel like I can't breathe all over again.

 

I love my dc. I want to do what's best for them. But I can't give them a classical home education. I don't know if I can get ds to write a paragraph or dd to master arithmetic! Ever! I can't keep them from fighting with each other.

 

I LOVE teaching. That's why I became I teacher. That's why I wanted to teach my own dc. That's why I'm getting a degree in gifted and talented education. I want to teach the classics! I want to have philosophical discussions.

 

If I bring my dc back home, we'll always struggle financially. And I'll feel like a failure again. I fear I don't have patience to deal with my own dc.

 

And I feel guilty.

 

Please, be gentle with me.

 

Maybe I *do* need to swallow my pride and bring them home. With their difficulties, maybe the big bad world isn't the right place for them. Maybe I'm the only one who can nurture and protect them and give them realistic expectations and map out their individual courses and help them not compare themselves with others.

 

It would be a huge jump. If we pull them out (special magnet schools), we can't put them back in. And I wouldn't be able to do my internship next spring semester to finish my degree. And I'd have to pay back those loans, so I'd probably have to find some kind of side job.

 

 

 

(((My heart is breaking for you~~sending lots of hugs)))

A few things jumped out at me while reading your post. Clearly you love your children and want the very best that can be given. The learning and personality styles may not mesh well on a daily permanent basis. ( I completely understand this challenge.) Quirky behaviors are endearing, but don't always combine positively with other sibs' quirky behaviors.

 

This time with your mom is irreplaceable. Maybe you could hs DS to ensure catching him up to his full potential while still spending time w/ your mom. It would be quality time for both DS and mom. There's also a life lesson in tending for the weak, which surpasses any education offered in school. Compassion must be taught. With that said, you must be kind to yourself. DH is reasonable in suggesting hs again, but only if you can put your heart and head into it. Would you place your child voluntarily into a classroom where the teacher appears to be drowning? Probably not. This time the teacher would be you. You won't be effective as a teacher, parent, or partner if you are entirely overwhelmed.

 

Christian schools are a beautiful option. Unfortunately they typically have less resources than a ps. This means more out of pocket expenses on an already stretched budget. I taught at a private school years prior to children. I loved the warm environment, but it's not always beneficial to a higher needs child--or gifted child, either.

 

I have three ADHD kiddos (another who is quirky and doesn't fit in with her peers..and one totally 'normal' kid). Life is much more "normal" once it was identified. What appears like family-run-amok was my daily existence. I

cried irrationally constantly. Wondered if God really gave me more than I could handle. DH thought hs'ing would be the answer to all my problems (LOL thought we'd be another 'Another Crazy Texas Momma goes ballistic' story if life didn't improve). I sent the kiddos to ps to give myself a healthy perspective before I could conjure the energy to deal with my cherubs on a daily basis.

 

How severe is DS' Ausperger's? There's so much information existing now that at least teachers and parents are aware it exists and can help facilitate friendships and learning for a child with autism. Does DS have friends at school? Is he the gifted child?

 

DD with the math issues: how old is she/grade level? Does she have a fear of math? Can the gifted child help her with her math?

 

I don't have any words of wisdom, but want to offer hugs, thoughts and prayers that you and DH come to a comfortable consensus on DC's education.

You asked "be gentle" toward you in responses. Please be gentle to yourself as you work through the process.

God Bless,

[Robin Hood]

I only have two dc, but your description of hs sounds like our home with on adhd dd and me a sahm. I want to enjoy my kids and have frequently thought of putting thm in school instead of being the mean school teacher mom. I've opted not to do it because after dd being in school all day, I know I'd be homeworking with her all night. That's all day school. At least with hs, there is an end in sight.

 

Although having two is much easier than your situation, you might think about keeping them in school and then adjust your schedule to give all the assistance they need at home after school. Or, keep them in school but be involved more at school.

 

Just the thought of somebody else being the teacher sounds like heaven to me. I'd give all the help I could if some one else did the teaching; ie: was the bad guy.

[BamaTanya]

 

How severe is DS' Ausperger's? There's so much information existing now that at least teachers and parents are aware it exists and can help facilitate friendships and learning for a child with autism. Does DS have friends at school? Is he the gifted child?

 

DD with the math issues: how old is she/grade level? Does she have a fear of math? Can the gifted child help her with her math?

 

 

The Aspergers is pretty severe. He has lots of sensory issues (can't stand other children's noise, severely limited diet, single-minded interest that looks like ADHD because he won't/can't focus on anything that doesn't interest him, avoids all writing, and says unexpected/inappropriate things that prevent him from making friends). His teacher this year understands and compensates for him and spends time instructing him on his voice level or allowing him to dictate work. He's not the gifted child (though he's incredibly gifted in a couple of specific areas -- not school related, lol!) He has a terrible self-image since he's been kicked out of 3 school programs (1 hs coop, 1 magnet school, 1 school transfer).

 

Gifted ds is a perfectionist. Has grandiose ideas and is very impatient with/embarrassed by his brothers. He's bored in school except for his special pull-outs.

 

Math trouble dd has a roller coaster relationship with math. When she's getting one-on-one instruction, she gets it. Says it's easy. But when they go back to review or take a cumulative test, she's blown away. Like she's never seen it before. Apparently her brain doesn't have a long-term file for math concepts. :rolleyes: She's 4 grade levels ahead of gifted ds, so he can't help her. And dh doesn't get math, either. I'm the only one to help.

 

ADHD ds is a hard worker, eager and wants to please, but he wiggles and makes noise ALL the time. (Not a good combo with the other dss.) By his very nature, he bothers everyone else. We're working on a dx, because apparently, ADHD isn't all there is to it. He doesn't notice when it's cold, for instance. And he can't talk in a normal tone of voice. It's high pitched and loud.

 

I have often, OFTEN wondered if God didn't give me more than I could handle. Not that I can't love and nurture them, but that I'm not meeting their needs. KWIM? If I had just one quirky kid, maybe the rest of the family would learn to accommodate him. As it is, the pointy places seem to poke at each others' soft places all the time. Gifted kid's telling another kid, "Oh, that's EASY" doesn't really help. And he's not mature enough to keep his mouth shut. He thinks it should be easy for everyone.

 

It doesn't feel like a Godly home. It feels like a warm but chaotic mess. I had big family visions of the Waltons. Sigh.

 

I guess I could prioritize and say, "Which kid (or 2) really needs to be at home?"

 

If I bring any of them home, I have to stay home. Right? I couldn't set them up on Switched On Schoolhouse and say, "See you this afternoon!" while I head off to work. Though I'm beginning to wonder if that wouldn't be better for them than struggling in front of peers to keep up.

[Whisperlily]

Oh, honey. I am in a very, very similar situation. My heart wants to be able to teach my kids at home. I am very pro-homeschooling. By bringing my kids home, I was able to pinpoint some specific difficulties my kids were facing, and I *knew* my children better. I know what it means when they move a certain way, or when they sigh... I know what makes them tick, and how they learn. I know what teaching techniques work, for each child and which ones don't.

 

At a point, (when DH was deployed, and when we finally had medical and educational screenings done on DS... and a diagnosis) it became clear to me, and to DH, that the public school had more resources, and dedicated personnel who were specifically trained to help children just like my son (and your sons.) It was more than I was equipped to do at that time. I couldn't handle ALL the special needs of ALL my special needs kids.

 

I don't care for the new school my kids are in. I love the teachers, and they have excellent academics. The kids come home and tell me they don't really like the kids. (They loved the kids at their old school) I think it can also be a time of training, and teaching. I *know* we are called to have our kids in this school at this time. Sometimes it's all I can do not to bring them home the very next day, but we have prayed, and cried about this, and we know this is where God wants them for the time being.

 

God knows why he has them there. I don't. But HE has a plan. I'm thankful for the teachers and the training, and the special skills that are helping DS thrive academically. I'm thankful for the focused learning environment with no distractions.

 

Next year my DD will be changing schools and attending the local Jr. High. Or rather, we'll SEE if she does. We can't afford private school for all the kids, but we may try it with just one.

[dangermom]

Oh, you have my sympathy. You're in a very tough place! I haven't got any advice, sorry, but I hope something turns up for you. I have to say that in your shoes, I'm not sure I would go back to homeschooling unless I felt that it was definitely what God wanted for us (and I'd be expecting a lot of help!).

[Carol in Cal.]

Unless you want to so badly, that the idea that your DH might not feel that same way would be what made you sick.

 

Because it will be really, really difficult whether you want to or not; and if you don't really want to I think it will hurt you and hurt your relationship with them too much to be worth it.

 

If I were you, I would put my efforts into finding out what the school district owes them, and getting it for them. I believe that federal law calls for an appropriate education in the least restrictive most mainstreamed possible environment. That means that your DS should not have been kicked out of the magnet school without another better school available for him. Do you have an IEP for him?

 

The school district should be providing the testing as well--you should not have to go through your medical insurance for this.

 

You can be a great advocate for your children without actually homeschooling them. Maybe you became a teacher partly to help you advocate for your children more so than to homeschool them. After all, as an insider, don't you have an advantage?

 

I love homeschooling, but I don't think it's a panacea or the one true way to educate everyone. It's hard to let that dream go, but for now, I think that another path for you might be the best. Please don't let anyone make you feel guilty about this. You have to be able to stand your life. Do the best thing for you and your family, and make peace with it.

[BamaTanya]

That means that your DS should not have been kicked out of the magnet school without another better school available for him. Do you have an IEP for him?

 

The school district should be providing the testing as well--you should not have to go through your medical insurance for this.

 

 

 

Ds was in a "school of choice" -- not our district school. To make magnet schools attractive to a varied population, those schools offer specific programs, require C grades and above, and do not offer special education services. Ds needed special education and was not making the grade.

 

After that, we requested a transfer to a school closer than our district school (for transportation reasons -- the special ed bus picks up just after 6 am and I wanted to take him to a closer school at a more reasonable hour). The transfer was revoked when he became "uncooperative." We *could* have fought that one because that school *did* offer special education services. However, we had discovered that the teacher and principal did not like our ds (yes, that happens) and we knew that every service we requested would be an uphill battle.

 

We borrowed money for a private school that offered a learning center with a small class size. Unfortunately, that school closed due to low enrollment the next year. (I don't count that in the "getting kicked out" number -- but it was another disappointment in ds's academic career.)

 

As far as testing: the second ds has been evaluated by the school. They've determined that he "qualifies" for speech therapy alone. So far. He's getting pullout and extra help thanks to our No Child Left Behind provisions to try to help "at risk" students. School psychometrists cannot make a medical diagnosis (like ADHD or whatever else is going on with him). Our ped has tried a couple of different ADHD meds but wants the full "psychoeducational" evaluation ($500-$800 according to my teacher/parent friends) to try further therapies.

 

Thank you for your thoughts. We are truly trying to do what is best for each of our dc, though sometimes it seems so complicated! :p

[Carol in Cal.]

Here, a magnet school must accept everyone. A charter school must have plans for English learners, remediation, and special needs education. And, although a school psychologist can't diagnose everything, the school district is on the hook to pay for other testing needed to fully diagnose a disability that causes learning problems, and then to provide an 'appropriate' education. I know that this coverage varies from state to state. Nevada has stronger aids for parents than CA, and so there are probably states with weaker laws.

 

What is true in a lot of places, here as well as others, is that school districts tend to kind of put off parents who want this kind of help. They are not supposed to, but it is expensive; and so if they are dealing with parents who are not that pushy, they often avoid it. That was really my main point -- that if you're not being the pushy parent, maybe that would help.

 

I'm sorry that you're in this very tough situation...

[gardenschooler]

Tanya, I am going to be gentle with you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is the matter with you? Are you trying to kill yourself?

 

(Sorry, I lied!).

 

No, under no circumstances right now would I bring them home. I would seek out whatever help and resources from the school to try to manage the problems, but I absolutely wouldn't bring them home. I would go on and finish the path I'd started.

 

It sounds like school works for you, works for the kids (for the most part), and has enabled you to be able to accomplish what is needed for the family. I would go about it in the context of "What else can I do to make this school situation work better?", not scrapping something that is mostly working and going back to something that mostly didn't.

 

I would finish my schooling, pay off the debt, and then reassess. There has to be some way to have the ADD addressed, as well as the other problems. You don't need me to tell you that your dd will miraculously *want* to work hard if you brought her home.

 

It just sounds to me that if you stop what you've started now, there will be no way out. No way to pay off the debt, no way to pay off your student loans, no way to get the help and resources you need for them from the ps, and no way to get them back in the magnet schools.

 

Maybe one day you will be able to homeschool one or some of your children, or maybe you'll be a great teacher in the schools. But I wouldn't backtrack now. No way.

 

You kinda have to be able to *breathe*, Tanya. I don't see any reason whatsoever for one ounce of guilt.

 

What a road you've been on. I really feel for you, and hope you can keep going to see the end of the tunnel. Don't quit now.

[WTMCassandra]

Tanya,

 

You are in one of the toughest situations I've heard of. Any decision you make is going to be hard. So, lots of hugs, first.

 

Second, how old are your children? I think it matters how old they are.

 

I can't help thinking that if you could finish your degree and at least work one year, digging out of the financial hole, homeschooling after that might not make you feel so trapped. At least then you could return to work later if possible. But if you quit before getting the degree, having taken out loans, ouch.

 

But you will have your children only once. Ouch again. The younger they are, the more time you would have to regroup, the more I would say (and this is NOT like me) try to eke out one more year in the schools.

 

What about creative solutions? Is DH willing to *really* help make this happen? Like afterschooling your DD to help her cope better since she's begging to homeschool? Could one of you arrange to work second shift or weekends and tag-team parent for a year? What about finishing the degree and then working part-time, if your children are older and could possibly be alone to work on SOS or something for part of the day? Do you have an older niece or nephew that you could bring to live with you for a year and pay them to help out?

 

I will pray for wisdom for you and your family. I'm sorry you're going through this.

[gardenschooler]

I have often, OFTEN wondered if God didn't give me more than I could handle. Not that I can't love and nurture them, but that I'm not meeting their needs.

 

Oh, but Tanya, you are handling it. You saw something that needed to be changed, and you did. You're trying to make it better. Just don't beat yourself up over the fact that yes, these are very, very challenging kids, and maybe, just maybe, being their mom is enough to handle - without also wearing the teacher's hat.

 

As much as they might struggle in ps, I still think you have to be left intact to be able to look out for them.

[BamaTanya]

I hope no one took me seriously when I wrote that I was relieved that my children had struggles in school.

 

I do not mean that. It grieves me that they struggle.

 

All the things that are frustrating about ps -- particularly the cookie cutter curriculum that assumes all children are ready for all subjects at the same time -- are difficult for my dc, but at least 2 of them have been identified and their curriculum can be modified as needed.

 

I'm not sure what "stage" in the grief process I am in now, but I fear it's not completely the acceptance stage. I still struggle with the disbelief, anger, and bargaining sometimes. As new challenges arise.

 

I do have access to parent workshops and a support group. I go sometimes, but it's a little depressing. I really want to have more hope for the future than I see in many of the parents there.

 

Thank you for your suggestions and gentle words. Dh and I will certainly explore all the options we can imagine. We will pray. We trust that God will direct us and that He will clearly open doors for these little ones He loves more than we can know.

[elizam]

I didn't see your previous post, but I think I can identify. I have one in PS high school and he has a really hard time. He has ADHD and I accept taht now, but many others do not. There are no support groups or good counselors in my area. Most parents don't seem to feel much hope. THey just accpet that their kids have to be on meds and sometimes still make bad grades. It's sad and I feel sad all the time lately. He did better homeschooled, but even it had its challenges. But he learned more in his own way and seemed a lot happier.

[Beth in Central TX]

Dear Tanya,

 

I read through your post yesterday, but didn't respond because I had no good counsel to give you. You are in a hard place, and I can't imagine trying to make the decision that faces you. I think it's great that you and your DH are working through this though.

 

As for your comment about your kids not doing well in school, I didn't read any malice in the words you wrote. I feel a little vindicated too when my son acts up in Sunday School the same way he does at home. Of course, he is disciplined, and we go over the rules and how he should verses how he does behave, but he still does it all the same. I think it's normal to feel relieved that we, homeschool moms, don't bring out the worst in our children.

 

Take care,

[abbeyej]

Tanya,

 

I didn't respond yesterday either, merely because I had nothing particularly helpful to offer... But it never occurred to me that you meant you were truly "pleased" to see your children's struggles! I understood very much what you meant -- merely that it was something of a relief to see that your home schooling had neither caused nor exacerbated the difficulties your children face. I never thought for a moment that you meant you *wished* this on any of your children (or yourself as a parent!)... And I'm sure you would have rejoiced had school turned out to be able to magically erase the neurological issues your kids face. Unfortunately it can't -- but at least you know you didn't hurt them further (or prevent improvement) by trying to do your very best for your kids. Of course there's some small measure of relief in that.

 

I wish I *did* have something useful or helpful to say. You and your kids have been dealt for more than is fair to deal with. I'm so sorry...

 

~abbey

 

ETA: Tanya, I'd like to put you in touch with Niffercoo. She hasn't posted (much? at all?) on the new board, but she posted frequently on the old board. She has three children, two with autism-spectrum diagnoses and one who is very bright with a very big personality. :) They're great kids, but I know she has been, in the last few years, through much of the grief and denial and terror and despair and endless worry that you're facing. I mention her though because her kids have made such enormous strides in the last few months, and I think she can also offer *hope*. It has taken tremendous work on her part, on their part, and they've dipped into the kids' college funds for therapy, etc, but when we chat each day and she tells me what they're up to (now vs even just a few months ago), I'm truly amazed. They've made such amazing strides academically, socially, in terms of self-care... If you want to talk to someone who can offer hope -- not a "quick fix" or a miracle, but real steps towards improving life and facing the struggles that autism-spectrum and academically challenged kids confront -- please email me, and I'll put you in touch with her.

[CherylG]

And I feel guilty.

 

Please, be gentle with me.

 

 

Dear Sister,

Free yourself from that guilt that Satan wants you to be under...God has a plan for your children and for you!! All of your burdens are real...He can and will bear them ALL.

Love you and are praying for you and yours.

Cheryl

[Jean in Newcastle]

And I feel guilty.

 

Please, be gentle with me.

 

 

Dear Sister,

Free yourself from that guilt that Satan wants you to be under...God has a plan for your children and for you!! All of your burdens are real...He can and will bear them ALL.

Love you and are praying for you and yours.

Cheryl

 

You realize that you resurrected a 2 year old thread, don't you?

[Mama Geek]

I haven't read all the posts, but since you will be making about the same as your dh is it possible for him to homeschool and you to work?

[Jean in Newcastle]

I haven't read all the posts, but since you will be making about the same as your dh is it possible for him to homeschool and you to work?

 

This thread is 2 years old!!!!

[sheryl]

Tanya,

 

Bless your heart. :grouphug:

 

You've given good examples of pros/cons.

 

Overall, I agree with you that your dc will do better with you. As a Mom of a s.n. dd I understand the frustrations/challenges of teaching a child with specal needs.

 

However, it sounds like you just need help.....like many of us. Your dh is a school counselor and I'm assuming is paid for his profession, but maybe not enough. This is not meant with any disrespect. My dh works professionally (college degree), but it's not a high paying profession. My dad and uncle were in public school admin and several other family members rec'd teaching certificates. I'm the one who did NOT want a teaching certificate. Go figure. But, I've always wanted to h'school.

 

All of this to say, you have a goal of supplementing the family income with returning to work after you finish your classes this next spring.

 

Is this right so far?

 

Well, this year is almost finished. Can you keep them in public/private school until you finish your degree/classes? Then work part-time? Do you have any family that would take on the role of being substitute teaching parent for your kids? I think many times, after reading these posts, people think extreme opposites. I look at the middle in a situation like this. If you found such a person (family, friend) they would really only need to teach the "time consuming" subjects perhaps...like math, language/english and either science OR history at any one time. Group them together as much as possible to teach.

 

I don't remember what your profession will be in, but perhaps you and yoru dh could share not only the working from home, but working inside the home by alternating teaching schedules.

 

Just ideas.....hope something works.

 

Or, could your dh get a 2nd part-time job during his off school hours. My dh works full time outside the home M-F, 8-6 and still runs his at home business during the evenings.

 

In fact, maybe there is a way to work from home.

 

Wish I could help you more. Sheryl <><

[kalanamak]

It really does sound like you're between a rock and a hard place.

 

This is the part of your post that leapt out at me:

 

Dh is talking about bringing them all home again.

 

When he says that, I feel like I can't breathe all over again.

 

Big red flag.

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: Except, she is between a rock and husband. I'd be honest with him, and if he is not reasonable, I would stoop to his level and start having fainting spells. (And I say that very seriously. I have never feigned an illness in my life, but I would for a this cause.)

[dirty ethel rackham]

Wow. What a difficult situation to be in. Just reading your post made me exhausted. I can see how you would be burned out. I can't say whether or not I would homeschool in your shoes. However, if I were to make that choice, I would definitely do things differently to try to head off further burnout. Is there any way you can get some help to ease some of your burdens? Perhaps you can get someone to come for a couple hours every week to help with the littles. Or some help with household duties.

 

I'll keep you in my prayers as you ponder this decision.