Not killing my son...

[Reya]

See? Not killing him.

 

Two nights ago, he learned long division for fun in 15 minutes.

 

Today, he cannot add and has now taken 4.5 hours to do 30 min worth of math (with a 1 hr!!!! potty break in the middle).

 

Not. Killing. My. Son.

 

Thankyouverymuch.

[Reya]

Last problem. He can't solve 998-498.

 

:blink::blink::blink:

 

Oh, good. He just did. Now grammar, and then he's free.

 

He pulls this once every two weeks with either reading or math. It has NO relation to how hard the material is. Like this time--a lot of the math was stuff he's been able to do more than a YEAR. And he'll choke in reading when it's a super-duper easy assignment.

 

*sighs* And yes, he played hard today for three hours in the middle of the day.

[Tutor]

Wow! I wish I had that kind of self-control. You're my hero!

[Jean in Newcastle]

LOL! I can laugh because I can so relate to your not killing your son. I'm glad he's finally done.

[Mandy in TN]

See? Not killing him.

 

Two nights ago, he learned long division for fun in 15 minutes.

 

Today, he cannot add and has now taken 4.5 hours to do 30 min worth of math (with a 1 hr!!!! potty break in the middle).

 

Not. Killing. My. Son.

 

Thankyouverymuch.

 

Today the little man did seventy 3-digit by 1-digit division problems in 17 minutes. Gotta time for Kumon.

 

Then, while I was trying to talk to the 17yo, he went outside and sprayed silly string on the dog.:001_huh:

 

After that he had the thrill of cleaning the silly string out of the yard.

 

Yep. That's about all he accomplished.

Mandy

 

P.S. I love those lengthy potty breaks. When exactly will he stop stripping to go potty?

[linders]

DS8 also does these l-o-o-o-ng potty breaks. In the middle of school work, never in the middle of legos. He is now required to take a book of my choice (not Star Wars: The Exhaustive Encyclopdia) in with him. Today he read half of an abridged version of Phantom of the Opera in there. We now count potty time as school time.

[swellmomma]

Sounds like my house today. DD pitched a fit for 5 hours straight about doing grammar. She had done an assignment on Thursday that was so messy it was completely illegible, so I told her today she had to redo it so I could read it enough to mark. 5 hours later she is almost done but not quite. I am ready to explode but am taking my frustrations out tonight shopping for used curric at a sale being held by a local support group. Then when we get home she can finish said assignment so that tomorrow we can start fresh.

 

That is the only thing she has been working on today, it was the first assignment I gave her, and let her know I had a craft planned for today, our st. pat's lapbooks etc, basically fun stuff to do when she was done, she still isn't done.

[momof165]

DS8 also does these l-o-o-o-ng potty breaks. In the middle of school work, never in the middle of legos. He is now required to take a book of my choice (not Star Wars: The Exhaustive Encyclopdia) in with him. Today he read half of an abridged version of Phantom of the Opera in there. We now count potty time as school time.

 

 

Why didn't I come up with this one? :D Are you sure it's your son and not mine?

 

Sonja

_______________________________________

Homeschooling JUST ONE - ds 9

[swellmomma]

DS8 also does these l-o-o-o-ng potty breaks. In the middle of school work, never in the middle of legos. He is now required to take a book of my choice (not Star Wars: The Exhaustive Encyclopdia) in with him. Today he read half of an abridged version of Phantom of the Opera in there. We now count potty time as school time.

 

Great idea! My problem is when ds disappears for a long potty break I know it is time to start banging on the door, I caught him once having "fun" and have had to remind him a couple times that certain things are not to be done in the middle of the school day :001_huh:

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

See? Not killing him.

 

Two nights ago, he learned long division for fun in 15 minutes.

 

Today, he cannot add and has now taken 4.5 hours to do 30 min worth of math (with a 1 hr!!!! potty break in the middle).

 

Not. Killing. My. Son.

 

Thankyouverymuch.

 

My rule is that you never hold what they do above and beyond and for fun against them. As in, I'm never allowed to be frustrated with you because you are acting like a six year-old who cannot subtract three-digit numbers with ease simply because on another day you exhibited any amount of precocity and supercalifragilisticexpialidociousness and were doing multivariable regression analysis in your head (or on Excel, if you weren't quite clever enough to keep track of it all in your head).

 

Be amazed and delighted when he thinks like a 10 y/o. But don't be annoyed when he thinks like a 6 y/o. It's not fair. One day they can make change with ease, one day they don't remember the difference between a quarter and a nickel. Learning is a series of successive approximations. And the journey is rarely perfectly linear.

Edited March 17, 2009 by Pam "SFSOM" in TN
Can't spell

[WTMindy]

My rule is that you never hold what they do above and beyond and for fun against them. As in, I'm never allowed to be frustrated with you because you are acting like a six year-old who cannot subtract three-digit numbers with ease simply because on another day you exhibited any amount of precocity and supercalifragilisticexpialidociousness and were doing multivariable regression analysis in your head (or on Excel, if you weren't quite clever enough to keep track of it all in your head).

 

Be amazed and delighted when he thinks like a 10 y/o. But don't be annoyed when he thinks like a 6 y/o. It's not fair. One day they can make change with ease, one day they don't remember the difference between a quarter and a nickle. Learning is a series of successive approximations. And the journey is rarely perfectly linear.

 

:iagree:

 

Dang, I love you, Pam. This is such great advice.

[Sharon H in IL]

When they're that young they often need 'company' in order to do the work. I will work in the same room, and ask my 9yo to call out each problem as he finishes it.

 

It helps. And some days you just need all the crutches you can find.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

DS8 also does these l-o-o-o-ng potty breaks. In the middle of school work, never in the middle of legos. He is now required to take a book of my choice (not Star Wars: The Exhaustive Encyclopdia) in with him. Today he read half of an abridged version of Phantom of the Opera in there. We now count potty time as school time.

 

That. Is. BRILLIANT.

[Reya]

DS8 also does these l-o-o-o-ng potty breaks. In the middle of school work, never in the middle of legos. He is now required to take a book of my choice (not Star Wars: The Exhaustive Encyclopdia) in with him. Today he read half of an abridged version of Phantom of the Opera in there. We now count potty time as school time.

 

YES!!!! Me, too! I have NO idea what he'd do in public school--20 min is fast for him. He took "You Wouldn't Want To Be In A Medieval Dungeon" this time. It extended to an hour because he wanted to finish it, and then to re-read all his favorite bits again, and then to look at the coolest pictures again, etc.

 

At least we have history done for the next two days!

[Perry]

 

Dang, I love you, Pam. This is such great advice.

That's exactly what I was going to say.

[Soph the vet]

My rule is that you never hold what they do above and beyond and for fun against them. As in, I'm never allowed to be frustrated with you because you are acting like a six year-old who cannot subtract three-digit numbers with ease simply because on another day you exhibited any amount of precocity and supercalifragilisticexpialidociousness and were doing multivariable regression analysis in your head (or on Excel, if you weren't quite clever enough to keep track of it all in your head).

 

Be amazed and delighted when he thinks like a 10 y/o. But don't be annoyed when he thinks like a 6 y/o. It's not fair. One day they can make change with ease, one day they don't remember the difference between a quarter and a nickel. Learning is a series of successive approximations. And the journey is rarely perfectly linear.

:iagree:The voice of reason.

[keptwoman]

We have days like that too. When C's brain seems to just shut down.

And I love the *idea* of him taking books in for those long toilet breaks. And I'm not at all a germophobe... but the little germophobe gets out occasionally and that's when.... I just can't do books in the toilet room.

[Reya]

My rule is that you never hold what they do above and beyond and for fun against them. As in, I'm never allowed to be frustrated with you because you are acting like a six year-old who cannot subtract three-digit numbers with ease simply because on another day you exhibited any amount of precocity and supercalifragilisticexpialidociousness and were doing multivariable regression analysis in your head (or on Excel, if you weren't quite clever enough to keep track of it all in your head).

 

Be amazed and delighted when he thinks like a 10 y/o. But don't be annoyed when he thinks like a 6 y/o. It's not fair. One day they can make change with ease, one day they don't remember the difference between a quarter and a nickel. Learning is a series of successive approximations. And the journey is rarely perfectly linear.

 

Hence why I'm not killing him!

 

I really can't tell how much is attitude about doing something familiar and how much is that he really can't make himself concentrate if it isn't interesting enough. (And HOW exactly am I supposed to know what's interesting and what's not on a given day?????)

 

After a GREAT morning (sci and hist in record time and with lots of enthusiasm--he decided to do his reading earlier this weekend because he wanted to finish the book) and then the HORRIBLE math and then an extraordinarily wiggly but very fast and 100% accurate grammar, I'm wondering if it's getting to repetitive. I don't want to indulge him if he's being a toot on purpose, but I really think with his ADD and age and, well, gender he can't help it.

 

At bedtime, he gets two books or one book and either Latin or math-without-writing, his choice. (On weekends, he gets Latin AND math if he heads toward bed early enough.) I'm wondering if the fun, more advanced math he's doing at night might not be making his regular assignments seem more tedious. :-(

 

His backside's in Singapore NEM 1 tomorrow. I'm going to see if that won't wake up some enthusiasm, ability to concentrate, and diligence. :-P If it does and he likes it, then we'll fill in the holes from 3 through 5th grade that he needs for pre-algebra in a week or so, and then we'll go into one NEM lesson--either the class activity OR the home activity--per day, plus a few selected drills or "challenge" worksheets at a lower level.

 

I've been debating for more than a week whether we should skip ahead, since he's so close to pre-algebra level already. (And I know that's what he'd prefer...) I really, REALLY like the challenge materials, though, AND the drills. But maybe we can have our cake and eat it, too. :-P

Edited March 17, 2009 by Reya

[Reya]

When they're that young they often need 'company' in order to do the work. I will work in the same room, and ask my 9yo to call out each problem as he finishes it.

 

It helps. And some days you just need all the crutches you can find.

 

Totally in the same room! He'd have done NOTHING if I weren't constantly there. (I had the laptop and was surfing to keep my sanity. Hence being HERE on and off all afternoon.)

 

Even when he's doing well, unless it's reading, he needs company. :-) which is totally understandable! He gets lonely!

[Reya]

Then, while I was trying to talk to the 17yo, he went outside and sprayed silly string on the dog.:001_huh:

 

After that he had the thrill of cleaning the silly string out of the yard.

 

 

Oh, dear! When my DS was a toddler, he used to powder the dogs periodically. He'd scale the pantry shelves for any white powder. He hit them with baking soda, baking powder, flour, and cornstarch in the space of 6 months. I finally had to spank him the last time! (At 14-20mo old, he was WAY too young to clean it up himself.)

[Reya]

Okay. I asked. (You can't ask his response while he's enmeshed in it because he'll just say, "I don't know.")

 

He said:

 

"It was too easy, so I didn't want to think about it."

 

Deep.

 

Breath.

 

Deep.

 

Breath.

 

............

 

EDIT: (At this age, I still thinkt here's only so much he can do about feeling this way, but for GOODNESS SAKES, why noth just say it's too easy and ASK for something else? *pant, pant* Unrealistic again, I know. But...ACK!!!! HOW I wish maturity and brains developed TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!)

[*anj*]

 

Be amazed and delighted when he thinks like a 10 y/o. But don't be annoyed when he thinks like a 6 y/o. It's not fair. One day they can make change with ease, one day they don't remember the difference between a quarter and a nickel. Learning is a series of successive approximations. And the journey is rarely perfectly linear.

 

:iagree:

[CalicoKat]

DS8 also does these l-o-o-o-ng potty breaks. In the middle of school work, never in the middle of legos. He is now required to take a book of my choice (not Star Wars: The Exhaustive Encyclopdia) in with him. Today he read half of an abridged version of Phantom of the Opera in there. We now count potty time as school time.

:lol: Oh man, this cracked me up. If I'd been drinking coffee..... all over my screen. A completely new homeschooling technique I'd never heard or dreamed, but hey, why not?!

[Allearia]

There are days when my ds7 is just this way. I see two different behaviors. One, is some days when there is something I think physically different in his brain and he just cannot concentrate no matter how hard he tries. I see this especially when we do piano - easy pieces we have been doing for a while that he can't get through without constant mistakes. I always wonder if it is nutrition, not having enough exercise that day, or whatever, but since it is usually isolated I just stop for the day.

 

The other is the inability to concentrate on things that are too easy. When I try to give timed addition drills, it takes him forever! Seriously, sometimes 7 minutes for 20 problems. He enjoys it much better when it is two digit mental addition or subtraction, or much larger problems written especially some of these 9 digit repeated addition problems we have in RightStart. He rarely makes a mistake on all sorts of the problems and does it quickly, so I think it just needs a certain level of challenge to keep all his attention on the problem. So I have given up on the addition drills, though they can have value it doesn't seem to be enough for what we get out of it (I want him to be able to do addition and subtraction without his fingers, and he can do that).

[Reya]

The other is the inability to concentrate on things that are too easy.

 

Since he did 40 min of grammar in all of 17 min just after the math debacle, that seems likely.

 

(NOTE: The 40 min of grammar replaced grammar, spelling, AND composition/HWing for the day.)

[WTMindy]

Hence why I'm not killing him!

 

I really can't tell how much is attitude about doing something familiar and how much is that he really can't make himself concentrate if it isn't interesting enough. (And HOW exactly am I supposed to know what's interesting and what's not on a given day?????)

 

After a GREAT morning (sci and hist in record time and with lots of enthusiasm--he decided to do his reading earlier this weekend because he wanted to finish the book) and then the HORRIBLE math and then an extraordinarily wiggly but very fast and 100% accurate grammar, I'm wondering if it's getting to repetitive. I don't want to indulge him if he's being a toot on purpose, but I really think with his ADD and age and, well, gender he can't help it.

 

At bedtime, he gets two books or one book and either Latin or math-without-writing, his choice. (On weekends, he gets Latin AND math if he heads toward bed early enough.) I'm wondering if the fun, more advanced math he's doing at night might not be making his regular assignments seem more tedious. :-(

 

His backside's in Singapore NEM 1 tomorrow. I'm going to see if that won't wake up some enthusiasm, ability to concentrate, and diligence. :-P If it does and he likes it, then we'll fill in the holes from 3 through 5th grade that he needs for pre-algebra in a week or so, and then we'll go into one NEM lesson--either the class activity OR the home activity--per day, plus a few selected drills or "challenge" worksheets at a lower level.

 

I've been debating for more than a week whether we should skip ahead, since he's so close to pre-algebra level already. (And I know that's what he'd prefer...) I really, REALLY like the challenge materials, though, AND the drills. But maybe we can have our cake and eat it, too. :-P

 

What do you mean by "his backside's in Singapore NEM 1 tomorrow?" May I gently suggest that you do not skip over things too fast. My experience with my little mathy kids is that you can push them far, far ahead of grade level, but you will get to a place where they can do the algorhythms without understanding what they are doing and won't be able to use the info to solve real problems until the logic side of their brain is developed. I'm just saying, we (being the enthusiastic math majors that we were) taught our kids skills very early. Dh would come home in the evening and teach algebra to our dd when she was in K. (She had long mastered her math facts and basics). She is now 11 and although she is very good in math, she has had to relearn much of what we enthusiasticly taught her in K because her brain is now at a totally different stage. So, if he is having fun with it (which ours did) that is fine, but in the long run, I think it is better to develop the disciplines of doing the problems, even if they are a little boring and moving at a steady pace, doing lots of real world math along the way.

[Remudamom]

Oh come on, live a little. Go ahead and kill him! 8)

[*anj*]

What do you mean by "his backside's in Singapore NEM 1 tomorrow?" May I gently suggest that you do not skip over things too fast.

 

Brilliant! :iagree:

[Elaine]

His backside's in Singapore NEM 1 tomorrow. I'm going to see if that won't wake up some enthusiasm, ability to concentrate, and diligence. :-P If it does and he likes it, then we'll fill in the holes from 3 through 5th grade that he needs for pre-algebra in a week or so, and then we'll go into one NEM lesson--either the class activity OR the home activity--per day, plus a few selected drills or "challenge" worksheets at a lower level.

 

I've been debating for more than a week whether we should skip ahead, since he's so close to pre-algebra level already. (And I know that's what he'd prefer...) I really, REALLY like the challenge materials, though, AND the drills. But maybe we can have our cake and eat it, too. :-P

 

 

Excuse me? He's six and he is close to doing pre-algebra? :confused:

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Excuse me? He's six and he is close to doing pre-algebra? :confused:

 

That's not unheard of. But NEM isn't pre-algebra, IMO. Singapore 4-6 is prealgebra.

[Elaine]

That's not unheard of. But NEM isn't pre-algebra, IMO. Singapore 4-6 is prealgebra.

 

Mmmm, maybe. It just sounds...off.

[Reya]

Excuse me? He's six and he is close to doing pre-algebra? :confused:

 

He's an insanely mixed-up kid. He's very, very smart. He's also CAPD, ADD, and dyslexic.

 

Just one example: He tested at a 5.2 reading grade level BEFORE starting Kindergarten. BUT he read even second-grade level texts at 45 words per minute. That's at the bottom of a first grade class. K started with a reading remediation program--20 min of phonics, every day, plus 15 minutes of reading comprehension work. Now he can read 4th grade texts at 200WPM--that's at the lower end of the adult range. His great breakthrough was when he read The Elephant's Child to his sister at a natural pace. That's an 8th-grade level book.

 

Is you head hurting yet?

 

He can't handle nonfiction read-alouds. He struggled to retain anything, ANYTHING in history or science, even if he was really, really interested, until I finally had him read his assignments. I feel like I OUGHT to be reading to him, at his age, but he can't maintain focus for an entire paragraph. I have to stop and ask questions at every sentence. (He doesn't have this problem for fiction!)

 

So I feel horribly guilty at "making" him do all his reading even though he much prefers it and, in fact, gets so enthusiastic that he'll do an entire week's work in one sitting at times in those subjects. (I remove other things from his day if he does so, of course!)

 

Of course, when he reads, he does so slowly revolving in a chair. One moment he's rightside up, the next upside down, the next slithering to the floor, then with elbows on the chair again....

 

In math, I tried to "take it easy" after the baby was born, and we ended up having this sort of nonsense all the time. I squished everything to three lessons a day, and he perked up and was an angel for months. It's just starting again, every so often, and when every other subject of the day except reading is ALWAYS great, and when reading is ALMOST always great, I'm inclined to believe him when he said it was too easy.

 

I started reading NEM 1 (pre-algebra and a tiny bit of alg. I and geom.) to make sure I knew where we were going with our math. As I did so, I realized that DS could handle the intro chapters without a problem. He's been doing super-simple algebra informally without realizing for a while through the challenge materials, too. He saw the book the other day and started reading it and asked to use it. I said "Not yet" because I DO believe in the value of what we're doing now. But I'm thinking if I sort of season the other stuff we're doing--the review, the challenge stuff--with NEM 1 at a VERY slow pace, it might work better.

 

Grrr. I JUST had a talk last night with DH about whether I should move him ahead, and we decided against it. I knew he'd like it better, but I still am not sure it's the best for him, but if it's hurting him NOT to, I think we can negotiate a middle ground.

[Reya]

DD has suddenly realized that DS is really cool, after all. So she's amused by him a LOT more. AND she's starting to crawl FORWARD instead of just backward. Not very well, but it's a start. Woo-HOOOOOOOOO!

 

Not sleeping any more, of course, but less obnoxious. :-) Sweet little troll-baby....

[*anj*]

DD has suddenly realized that DS is really cool, after all. So she's amused by him a LOT more. AND she's starting to crawl FORWARD instead of just backward. Not very well, but it's a start. Woo-HOOOOOOOOO!

 

Not sleeping any more, of course, but less obnoxious. :-) Sweet little troll-baby....

 

 

How old is the baby again?

[Reya]

Oh, and NO, he does NOT have the basics down anywhere near how I'd like for him to be moving on. Accuracy? Sure! Speed? Pffth!

 

The more I think about this, the more it ticks me off. (...was going to write something stronger...)

 

It is NOT like I'm making him do pages and pages of drills.

 

He NEEDS the practice.

 

He NEEDS the problem solving.

 

I would have killed to have what he's getting now.

 

Okay. This is going to devolve into a "gratefulness" rant, which is incredibly unfair and stupid, but...but...BUT...!!!!

 

*head. wall.*

 

*deep breath*

 

Okay. It is NOT constructive to continue to battle. YES, he needs an attitude change because not everything can be exciting 100% of the time. NO, I don't believe that boredom itself is character-building.

 

I'm going to regroup. In the morning, I'll let him do ONE small section of NEM. He will HAVE to write the problems out HIMSELF. He will HAVE to have a good attitude the WHOLE time. And he'll still have to do the lower level stuff he wants to skip, though I will try my hardest (as if I haven't been!!!!!!!!!!!) to make sure each activity is, if not necessary, then beneficial in a unique way.

 

If he messes up, he's back to MY plan.

 

I hope he'll decide it's tedious and too much writing and what I was already doing is fun enough. It was a mistake to do bedtime math, I think. He was happy with what we were doing before that.

 

And if you don't believe me, that's fine! I was actually way ahead of where he is at the same age--and others are farther still. I would have LIKED the challenge stuff, even at a lower level. I do not like this demand for constant novelty, and I do NOT think it is good. But I can't have him hating math, either. His favorite thing to do when he was two years old and felt bad was to curl up with his blanky, suck his fingers, and listen to be read out of a math textbook. (He didn't understand it. It could be linear algebra for all he cared. He was riveted by my Schaum;s modern physics outline. He wouldn't sit still for a picture book then, though.)

 

Gah! I wish someone would give me a KEY TO THIS KID'S BRAIN. If one of these kids isn't trying to kill me, the other is.

Edited March 17, 2009 by Reya

[Reya]

What do you mean by "his backside's in Singapore NEM 1 tomorrow?"

 

 

He's been begging for this for a week. I've said "no." I'm throwing up my hands and letting him have what he wants. My first thought is that I'd throw him in and let him sink as a kind of "so there" gesture.

 

That's stupid and childish, though. I'm just mad at him because I feel like he's ungrateful for what he's gotten so far. I HAVE to be strict ENOUGH, but I shouldn't, well, pitch a fit about it.

 

I'm SO upset because I've been trying so freaking HARD not to fail him the way my schools failed me, and he can't see it. Of COURSE he can't, but it doesn't make me feel better.

[unsinkable]

He's been begging for this for a week. I've said "no." I'm throwing up my hands and letting him have what he wants. My first thought is that I'd throw him in and let him sink as a kind of "so there" gesture.

 

That's stupid and childish, though. I'm just mad at him because I feel like he's ungrateful for what he's gotten so far. I HAVE to be strict ENOUGH, but I shouldn't, well, pitch a fit about it.

 

I'm SO upset because I've been trying so freaking HARD not to fail him the way my schools failed me, and he can't see it. Of COURSE he can't, but it doesn't make me feel better.

 

:grouphug:

 

I mean this as sweetly as possible: You need to be a mother to him, not to the girl you could have been.

 

:grouphug:

[WTMindy]

He's been begging for this for a week. I've said "no." I'm throwing up my hands and letting him have what he wants. My first thought is that I'd throw him in and let him sink as a kind of "so there" gesture.

 

That's stupid and childish, though. I'm just mad at him because I feel like he's ungrateful for what he's gotten so far. I HAVE to be strict ENOUGH, but I shouldn't, well, pitch a fit about it.

 

I'm SO upset because I've been trying so freaking HARD not to fail him the way my schools failed me, and he can't see it. Of COURSE he can't, but it doesn't make me feel better.

 

It sounds like this is a very baffling little boy! :-) As someone who is going through NEM, let me tell you that it is very rigorous, and the kind of stuff that you can't really do without a mastery of the basics-the kind of multi-step problems that take a fairly sophisticated understanding of math.

 

Not to boast, but to offer perspective my 4th grader blazed through MUS pre-alg, and alg, and geom and he has to work VERY hard in NEM! I think the number one thing you could teach him right now is how to improve those listening skills and focusing skills. I'm sure you are trying this desperately. But to me, that will be the single most helpful thing as you move forward.

 

The lesson I have learned from teaching my kids math early is that eventually you have to slow down and redo it-unless, of course, your son is Einstein-ish or something, and in that case, you are way out of my league. :001_smile:

[5kidsforME]

Oh, and NO, he does NOT have the basics down anywhere near how I'd like for him to be moving on. Accuracy? Sure! Speed? Pffth!

 

The more I think about this, the more it ticks me off. (...was going to write something stronger...)

 

It is NOT like I'm making him do pages and pages of drills.

 

He NEEDS the practice.

 

He NEEDS the problem solving.

 

I would have killed to have what he's getting now.

 

Okay. This is going to devolve into a "gratefulness" rant, which is incredibly unfair and stupid, but...but...BUT...!!!!

 

*head. wall.*

 

*deep breath*

 

Okay. It is NOT constructive to continue to battle. YES, he needs an attitude change because not everything can be exciting 100% of the time. NO, I don't believe that boredom itself is character-building.

 

I'm going to regroup. In the morning, I'll let him do ONE small section of NEM. He will HAVE to write the problems out HIMSELF. He will HAVE to have a good attitude the WHOLE time. And he'll still have to do the lower level stuff he wants to skip, though I will try my hardest (as if I haven't been!!!!!!!!!!!) to make sure each activity is, if not necessary, then beneficial in a unique way.

 

If he messes up, he's back to MY plan.

 

I hope he'll decide it's tedious and too much writing and what I was already doing is fun enough. It was a mistake to do bedtime math, I think. He was happy with what we were doing before that.

 

And if you don't believe me, that's fine! I was actually way ahead of where he is at the same age--and others are farther still. I would have LIKED the challenge stuff, even at a lower level. I do not like this demand for constant novelty, and I do NOT think it is good. But I can't have him hating math, either. His favorite thing to do when he was two years old and felt bad was to curl up with his blanky, suck his fingers, and listen to be read out of a math textbook. (He didn't understand it. It could be linear algebra for all he cared. He was riveted by my Schaum;s modern physics outline. He wouldn't sit still for a picture book then, though.)

 

Gah! I wish someone would give me a KEY TO THIS KID'S BRAIN. If one of these kids isn't trying to kill me, the other is.

 

Reya, he's 6!!! Your baby is (how old??) you are the adult, they are not out to get you.

[Allearia]

I PM'd you.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

 

Gah! I wish someone would give me a KEY TO THIS KID'S BRAIN. If one of these kids isn't trying to kill me, the other is.

 

Children desperately want to please us, particularly our first-born children. And they do almost anything to accomplish this. (Unless one frustrates this trait completely out of the child by being completely un-pleasable. But that's another story for another day, and in any case probably not applicable to you.)

[Reya]

:grouphug:

 

I mean this as sweetly as possible: You need to be a mother to him, not to the girl you could have been.

 

:grouphug:

 

Absolutely! I totally agree!

 

He shouldn't have to carry the shadows of my demons. I AM doing my best for him. That it isn't perfect doesn't mean I'm a failure or he doesn't know how good he has it.

 

Perfect isn't possible. For ANY kid's situation. I get delusions of grandeur, though, of how I'm going to fix everything for my kids and that it'll never be like this or like that. :-P Stupid. Setting everyone up for failure. But it gets to me.

 

We had a LONG talk as I put him to bed tonight (it did end well over an hour ago--life called me away :-) ), and we've made a deal:

 

1. He must do the challenge materials and the drill-like materials with a good attitude. I will be EXTRA careful to make it as interesting as possible for the challenge material and will edit, edit, edit.

 

2. On days that he's good, he can have a little out of the NEM 1 book.

 

I think this is FUNCTIONAL (my huge concern!) and sane and is fair to him and his desires. We talked again about how important facts are for upper maths and how important it is to be able to generate the answers quickly, and he lost the stubborn set of his chin that he's had all day long and conceded that he knew they were important, too.

 

He went to bed giggling madly with a huge grin plastered across his face.

 

So I think we've reached a peace. :-) I won't ask better behavior of him than a 6-y-o with his issues can give, and I do understand that he'll have rough days again where all the promises of future goodies in the world won't make practice seem like anything but torture.

 

We've got his childhood concerns to tackle, NOT MINE! And if he doesn't HAVE to realize how much better he has it than me, so much the better! What more could I wish than that he have no clue how lucky he is? :001_smile:

[Reya]

Reya, he's 6!!! Your baby is (how old??) you are the adult, they are not out to get you.

 

No, you're right, they aren't. :-) (As my baby begins yelling... :-P) They can GET to me, though.

 

DD is now suddenly locomoting better, so some of my mind is beginning to crawl back up my neck into my ears! I love her like crazy, the sweet little skunk, and she's an absolute blast. It's just like a really, really GREAT rollercoaster you never can get off!

[Reya]

Children desperately want to please us, particularly our first-born children. And they do almost anything to accomplish this. (Unless one frustrates this trait completely out of the child by being completely un-pleasable. But that's another story for another day, and in any case probably not applicable to you.)

 

DD is a pleaser, and that worries me a little. DS is very different. It's SO strange because DS is the one who's laid back, relatively speaking, and DD is the one who's more DIRECTLY demanding and intense. DS is...indirect. And I think that's harder for me. I never have to worry about pushing DS. *rolls eyes* He'd shut down faster than you could blink. I wasn't even sure he knew his colors and shapes until he was 4 or so because he just wouldn't answer questions he knew I knew the answer to--like, "What sound does a dog make?" or "Where's your red cup?" or "Where are your eyes?" (Autism runs in the family, and I was TERRIFIED that he was autistic for a while because of it!) He'd obey requests but not engage in the teaching dialogue that Every Good Mommy is supposed to do As Part Of Everyday Life. My mother would nag me about the developmentally appropriate things I was supposed to be doing with him, but all I could said is, "I've tried it. He hates it. He doesn't want to cooperate, and I don't think it's casual learning if I'm twisting his arm, for goodness sakes!"

 

By all accounts, I don't deserve my smart little boy in the least, since just about the only thing I did "right" was breastfeed, cosleep, and cuddle him all he wanted! :tongue_smilie: Yup. My BRILLIANT PARENTING made a genius here! (super sarcasm, in case you didn't notice!) I read math textbooks to him because he dragged them off the shelves and brought them to me.

 

I'm worried about DD for a different reason. She does seem to want to make me happy already, and what if I accidentally coerce her into something that's not good for her because she wants me to be pleased?

 

I guess I'm not happy with anything! HA! My stubborn DS frustrates me, and my people-pleaser DD worries me!

 

notgoingtomessupmykidsnotgoingtomessupmykidsnotgoingtomessupmykids....

[Reya]

How old is the baby again?

 

4.75 months. She's just about taken over one of her buddy's toys, so that helps, too! (I tried EVERYTHING, and she loves the one with the alphabet--did I know my baby or what? She even tries to make the sounds of some the letters. "H" sounds roughly like "ouaououagh," but it's consistent!)

[Reya]

I'll keep those of you updated who asked on this thread! I do hope we've struck a workable middle ground. We'll see throughout this week!

 

I'm going to BED!

[Vida Winter]

Reya,

 

I just want to ask, why are you here? And why do you post these things? It is clear to me that you're either making it up, or you're delusional, or want to stir up trouble, or if there is even a kernel of truth to what you say, you belong on a gifted/talented board.

 

At any rate, something is very wrong here. I'm not even sure I want to read your answer because I certainly won't believe it.

[jedbel]

He is now required to take a book of my choice (not Star Wars: The Exhaustive Encyclopdia) in with him. Today he read half of an abridged version of Phantom of the Opera in there. We now count potty time as school time.

 

This is absolutely hilarious:lol::lol::lol:

[OnTheBrink]

4.75 months. She's just about taken over one of her buddy's toys, so that helps, too! (I tried EVERYTHING, and she loves the one with the alphabet--did I know my baby or what? She even tries to make the sounds of some the letters. "H" sounds roughly like "ouaououagh," but it's consistent!)

 

I'm sorry; I'm having a hard time believing your 4 month old is a "pleaser." She doesn't have the cognitive ability to know what that even means. Infants aren't pleasers, they're self-centered, in the respect that they want their needs met. They aren't capable of "pleasing" anyone.

 

Again, I'm sorry; but I'm finding that the more I read your posts, the less believable they are.

[Jennifer in NH]

I find it sad when a mother won't let her kids be their age. I also find it sad when mothers or fathers live through their children...whether it be a stage mother or a mother who gets mad because her little prodigy isn't up to her expectations all the time. Actually, i feel very sorry for any child who might think that their parents love or approval depends on their ability to do anything at all.

Thats it for me. I need to go hug my kids just for the fun of it.