HSP personality types: Ditto/ Heartlikealion

[Indigo Blue]

@heartlikealion @Ditto

I wonder if trauma creates these personality types or if these personality types are just more susceptible to abuse from predator personality types from the beginning. Like chicken or the egg. I’ve wondered this for quite awhile now. What do you think?

[Indigo Blue]

Also,  I checked  off all 27 HSP questions. I have a hard time imagining that anyone would not find any of those things unpleasant, but I suppose some do.

[heartlikealion]

Everything I've studied/learned has said that empaths are just preyed on by certain people (ie narcissists). 

I think we are born an HSP or empath. I don't think it's based on our upbringing. I think you think you became that way from your surroundings, but I don't believe that's the case. My dad and others used to tell me I was "too sensitive." It was very frustrating. As an adult he read the book first and then gave me his copy and the workbook but I never finished the workbook. Unfortunately I think he perceived it as a "how to fix that problem" rather than, "I understand you better now." I don't know. According to the author, roughly 20% of the population is an HSP. So it's not as uncommon as we may have originally thought. It's just not valued that much in our society. 

In my FOO I believe one sister is an empath, I'm an HSP, and the other sister can come across as "cold" LOL.  

Edited September 2, 2022 by heartlikealion

[Indigo Blue]

2 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I think you think you became that way from your surroundings, but I don't believe that's the case.

You could very well be right! But……. I do think I’ve learned strategies of coping that I still use even now.

[Indigo Blue]

6 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

In my household I believe one sister is an empath, I'm an HSP

Empaths and HSP are two entirely different things?

I was also told I was “too sensitive”. I think it’s true, but I also think it was used as a way to avoid accountability, gaslight, and blameshift. 

[heartlikealion]

The main distinction I make is that while I'm sensitive I'm less weighted down by other's emotions than my sister. Empaths may need more time to recuperate/be more affected. I do feel the room and don't like to be in certain places/situations with certain energy, but when I get away I think I bounce back faster than she does. But I did get physically sick after watching a very emotional movie, so I don't know how to measure it! 

[scholastica]

Fellow HSP here. I don’t think non-HSPs know what it’s like to experience the world this way. 

[Indigo Blue]

I guess this is why two devices playing in the same room is so unbearable.

[heartlikealion]

4 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

I guess this is why two devices playing in the same room is so unbearable.

I don't generally like a TV on unless I'm watching it. The kids I babysat for were playing a board game with me while the ipad was sitting there with a guy blabbing on YouTube. It was like it didn't bother them at all. I gently asked if we could turn the ipad off. I don't know if it's an HSP thing or not but I cannot stand trying to sleep with a TV on or in earshot. I want total darkness/quiet. 

If I'm driving my kids and have the radio on and then ds is in the back listening to something on his phone it's like uggggh. Competing sounds. I do not like big gatherings. I can handle them, but I prefer smaller group settings or one-on-one. I also prefer deeper connections and conversations which aren't really possible in large settings. 

I saw a cool device online similar to ear plugs but just to make volume more bearable with young children or other sounds. I probably could have benefited from that when they were younger lol. But I don't even like putting things in my ears at all (over the head style headphones for me). 

[Indigo Blue]

1 minute ago, heartlikealion said:

I don't generally like a TV on unless I'm watching it. The kids I babysat for were playing a board game with me while the ipad was sitting there with a guy blabbing on YouTube. It was like it didn't bother them at all. I gently asked if we could turn the ipad off. I don't know if it's an HSP thing or not but I cannot stand trying to sleep with a TV on or in earshot. I want total darkness/quiet. 

If I'm driving my kids and have the radio on and then ds is in the back listening to something on his phone it's like uggggh. Competing sounds. I do not like big gatherings. I can handle them, but I prefer smaller group settings or one-on-one. I also prefer deeper connections and conversations which aren't really possible in large settings. 

I saw a cool device online similar to ear plugs but just to make volume more bearable with young children or other sounds. I probably could have benefited from that when they were younger lol. But I don't even like putting things in my ears at all (over the head style headphones for me). 

Goodness. Could have written your post right down to not liking to put things in your ear. 🙂

[Ditto]

This is all very fascinating.  For me, I have always been labeled as "too sensitive" by my parents and frequently told that I just needed to "get over it" when I was upset.     My FOO is quite cold, calculating, and manipulative.   I stick out like a sore thumb.    Honestly, I have not done a deep dive into why I am the way I am.    

46 minutes ago, scholastica said:

Fellow HSP here. I don’t think non-HSPs know what it’s like to experience the world this way. 

Yes.   I had to leave a store just today because it was all just unbearable (too loud, too crowded, too bright, too much).    Even thinking about it now to write this has my heart rate elevated and my anxiety increased.   Some days are worse than others, between being HSP and introverted, the lockdown that the pandemic brought was pure heaven for me.

[Rosie_0801]

I think it is both.

Trauma will leak out wherever there is a weakness, so the naturally selfish turn narcissistic, the naturally sensitive turn empathic. But I have seen empathic people turn narcissistic too. They got tired and broke.

[Ditto]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

I think we are born an HSP or empath. I don't think it's based on our upbringing.

Yes, I agree with this.  I just posted that my FOO is cold, manipulative, calculating.  I am the only one that is HSP and empath.  In fact, I am the only one that truly cares about others and is kind.  It made for a hellish childhood for sure.  But, to your point, if our upbringing created these traits then no way would I be either.  

[Ditto]

Just now, Rosie_0801 said:

I think it is both.

Trauma will leak out wherever there is a weakness, so the naturally selfish turn narcissistic, the naturally sensitive turn empathic. But I have seen empathic people turn narcissistic too. They got tired and broke.

That is heartbreaking (the bolded).  You also make a really interesting point that I had never considered about how trauma plays a role.

[Pawz4me]

I don't really know what a HSP is. A quick Google brought me to this quiz. It says if you score more than 14 you're a HSP. I scored 22, so I guess I qualify. I don't really get the difference in HSP and being an introvert, though. Almost all those traits are what I associate with introversion. AFAIK I've never had any close association with a narcissist or other type of emotional abuser.

[heartlikealion]

The HSP author describes it as innate but I suppose some people are molded by certain things… I just don’t know if I’d call them an HSP/empath. 

I also think there’s overlap with other descriptors so someone that is very sensitive to sounds could have sensory processing disorder or similar. And I don’t even think SPD is necessarily considered an official DSM thing. I don’t think I have SPD. I do need to get away from people to recharge, as an introvert would. I might be an ambivert. 

[heartlikealion]

3 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

I don't really know what a HSP is. A quick Google brought me to this quiz. It says if you score more than 14 you're a HSP. I scored 22, so I guess I qualify. I don't really get the difference in HSP and being an introvert, though. Almost all those traits are what I associate with introversion. AFAIK I've never had any close association with a narcissist or other type of emotional abuser.

To me the key to defining an introvert is how you recharge. Some people (extroverts) recharge by being around others. Some (introverts) need to recharge alone and may find gatherings exhausting. 

Edited September 2, 2022 by heartlikealion

[Pawz4me]

Just now, heartlikealion said:

To me the key to defining an introvert is hoe you recharge. Some people (extroverts) recharge by being around others. Some need to recharge alone and may find gatherings exhausting. 

Sure. But some of the questions on that HSP quiz I linked to ask about needing quiet time to recharge, or seeking less stimulating environments. I think most of the questions on that quiz would fit right on a quiz about introversion, too.

[heartlikealion]

8 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

Sure. But some of the questions on that HSP quiz I linked to ask about needing quiet time to recharge, or seeking less stimulating environments. I think most of the questions on that quiz would fit right on a quiz about introversion, too.

True. I retook the quiz today and got 23. 

[Pawz4me]

I think I'm kinda liking having a new label. 😉 Reading more about it does explain some things about myself that (probably) go beyond introversion.

So could someone be a HSP and not be an introvert? I'm thinking no, or at least it would be quite rare? 

(Sorry, @Indigo Blue, for kind of sidetracking your thread. I will back away now and go learn some more.)

[Indigo Blue]

For me,  it might be a mix of introversion,  HSP, and some severe food sensory issues thrown in. I think being able to sense others feelings/moods is more HSP, and needing alone time to recharge is more introversion. Some seem to overlap and some seem to fit in one box or the other. 

[Indigo Blue]

Just now, Pawz4me said:

I think I'm kinda liking having a new label. 😉 Reading more about it does explain some things about myself that (probably) go beyond introversion.

So could someone be a HSP and not be an introvert? I'm thinking no, or at least it would be quite rare? 

(Sorry, @Indigo Blue, for kind of sidetracking your thread. I will back away now and go learn some more.)

Pawz, you’re welcome to discuss this! I’m glad you are in this thread!!! 

[Ditto]

3 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

I think I'm kinda liking having a new label. 😉 Reading more about it does explain some things about myself that (probably) go beyond introversion.

So could someone be a HSP and not be an introvert? I'm thinking no, or at least it would be quite rare? 

(Sorry, @Indigo Blue, for kind of sidetracking your thread. I will back away now and go learn some more.)

I enjoyed your input quite a bit.    I'm glad you joined in.

[scholastica]

44 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

I don't really know what a HSP is. A quick Google brought me to this quiz. It says if you score more than 14 you're a HSP. I scored 22, so I guess I qualify. I don't really get the difference in HSP and being an introvert, though. Almost all those traits are what I associate with introversion. AFAIK I've never had any close association with a narcissist or other type of emotional abuser.

I think one can be an introvert without being HSP, but I don’t think you can be an HSP and not an introvert. 

[bluemongoose]

I am both HSP and Empath and also an extrovert. You can be, but more like extrovert lite. In other words, being completely alone doesn't fill me up, it drains me. However, being in a crowd also drains me (the noise, the emotions of all the people in the room, the warmth of too many bodies). I recharge by being with one or two people that I am very comfortable with and that are wanting to do something fun and relaxing. And yes, my FOO was really tough, I was "too sensitive" or "making a mountain out of a molehill" or "dramatic" etc. I am extremely sensitive to things I watch, stories people tell, and the moods of others around me. 

[Indigo Blue]

Gunshots on TV, seeing any person or animal being harmed of ANY sort, anyone screaming on TV…..all these things just unnerve me.

They always have, but it’s SO much worse now than before. Dh’s hearing is slightly bad, and he likes loud, action movies. It’s hard. He doesn’t understand at all, but he tries to keep the noise down and not have two devices going in one room, which he was really bad to do. 

[Indigo Blue]

I don’t understand what caffeine sensitivity has to do with anything, but that was one of the questions on the quiz.  And…….I have the most crazy insane caffeine sensitivity even to tiny, tiny amounts. 

[bluemongoose]

49 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

Sure. But some of the questions on that HSP quiz I linked to ask about needing quiet time to recharge, or seeking less stimulating environments. I think most of the questions on that quiz would fit right on a quiz about introversion, too.

I didn't check that box because the spirit of it was "aloneness" and I still got a 24. The truth is though... I do want that darkened room and the quite space, but not alone. I want another quiet person to be with me. To feel like I can come down from being over stimulated and talk it out if I want to or be quite and just feel their presence. Being entirely alone rarely feels good. Maybe I am my own strange flavor. LOL! I am cool with that.

[scholastica]

15 minutes ago, bluemongoose said:

I am both HSP and Empath and also an extrovert. You can be, but more like extrovert lite. In other words, being completely alone doesn't fill me up, it drains me. However, being in a crowd also drains me (the noise, the emotions of all the people in the room, the warmth of too many bodies). I recharge by being with one or two people that I am very comfortable with and that are wanting to do something fun and relaxing. And yes, my FOO was really tough, I was "too sensitive" or "making a mountain out of a molehill" or "dramatic" etc. I am extremely sensitive to things I watch, stories people tell, and the moods of others around me. 

Thank you for your perspective. That's really interesting.

[bluemongoose]

1 minute ago, Indigo Blue said:

I don’t understand what caffeine sensitivity has to do with anything, but that was one of the questions on the quiz.  And…….I have the most crazy insane caffeine sensitivity even to tiny, tiny amounts. 

I think it might be that since you already tend toward being sensitive, things that increase the stimulation you feel makes it worse. Caffeine is a stimulant. 

[scholastica]

Just now, bluemongoose said:

I didn't check that box because the spirit of it was "aloneness" and I still got a 24. The truth is though... I do want that darkened room and the quite space, but not alone. I want another quiet person to be with me. To feel like I can come down from being over stimulated and talk it out if I want to or be quite and just feel their presence. Being entirely alone rarely feels good. Maybe I am my own strange flavor. LOL! I am cool with that.

This resonates with me, as well. You're not so strange. I do need to be alone, but I definitely also need quiet times with my dh.

[heartlikealion]

59 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

I think I'm kinda liking having a new label. 😉 Reading more about it does explain some things about myself that (probably) go beyond introversion.

So could someone be a HSP and not be an introvert? I'm thinking no, or at least it would be quite rare? 

(Sorry, @Indigo Blue, for kind of sidetracking your thread. I will back away now and go learn some more.)

Yes. It’s in the book on pg 98. It says they may be over aroused by things like a long day at work or too much time in the city. The book says it’s about 30% of HSPs. 

[heartlikealion]

I do not know if I have a strong reaction to caffeine other than soda makes me pee a lot 🤣 I said no to that one. 

[heartlikealion]

The book says when people are stressed a long time/overaroused (or exposed to things like viruses) they may be low on some neurotransmitters, hence depression. 

I don’t know how much of being an HSP plays a role for me, but I do have depression and take antidepressants. I think mine may be more situational. 

[happi duck]

I'm a HSP too!  *waves*

I think in the book she talks about that we are highly sensing ...like our senses.  Dh says my nervous system continues outside my body.  I sense so much more than dh.

I always test ambivert... right in the middle of extrovert and introvert.

[Storygirl]

I'm an HSP, as well. I already knew, but I took the quiz and scored a 23. I can't remember everything that I didn't check, but two of them have been mentioned in this thread -- caffeine doesn't bother me, and I'm not bothered by intense books or movies.

I don't associate myself as having gone through trauma as a child. There are things about my childhood that were hard for me, and I know that they helped shape the adult that I am. But I was HSP from day one as a child, so I think being HSP affected my experiences of life, and the experiences of life did not make me a HSP.

[scholastica]

15 hours ago, Indigo Blue said:

@heartlikealion @Ditto

I wonder if trauma creates these personality types or if these personality types are just more susceptible to abuse from predator personality types from the beginning. Like chicken or the egg. I’ve wondered this for quite awhile now. What do you think?

I realized I never added my anecdata. I was an HSP from day one. My mom has many complaint stories about how overly sensitive I was. I did experience some trauma growing up. My ACE score is pretty high. I don’t think that experiencing trauma caused it. It seems pretty innate to me. Some of my kids are HSPs and were  from day one. We have tried hard not to traumatize our children. 

[happi duck]

I forgot to say that I've always be a HSP.

[Pawz4me]

I've got the e-book on hold at my library and should have it in a couple of weeks. So not having read it yet and having minimal knowledge of HSPs . . I still think I can confidently say that I've been the way I am my whole life. What @Storygirlsaid -- "I don't associate myself as having gone through trauma as a child. There are things about my childhood that were hard for me, and I know that they helped shape the adult that I am. But I was HSP from day one as a child" rings true for me as well.

[livetoread]

Both my son and daughter are hsp and are now young adults. It's not surprising because both dh and I are too. We have a very quiet house, lol. Both kids have it more than we do though and it's been tough for them. Although they have had a good FOO, they both experience things as trauma that I would have been upset about at the time but recovered from more easily. They both experience feelings very deeply and frankly, parenting them was tough. Even the slightest whiff of displeasure from me devastated them, and I mean like a slight frown or a firm tone to my voice. I felt like I wasn't allowed to show my full range of emotions because I didn't want to scar them.

[Calm37]

You guys are "blowing my mind" this morning. I have never heard of this, checked all of the questions. At retirement age, I am basically a hermit at this point, venturing out to walk at the lake and attend church. It's quiet at the lake, church exhausts me. 

[Ann.without.an.e]

I have some of these traits. I am definitely an empath. I’m not sure I’m a HSP but maybe I am?  But my youngest dd is this to a “t” right down to the caffeine sensitivity. She tested and scored a 24. It all makes sense now 🤯

[Pawz4me]

10 hours ago, happi duck said:

Dh says my nervous system continues outside my body.  I sense so much more than dh.

 

That resonates with me, although few people--probably not even my DH--would realize it. I work really hard to keep from showing things. I'm like a lake that's calm on the surface but that's always churning down deep. I think most people would say I'm one of the calmest people they know, but I'm rarely ever calm on the inside. External calm is something I've always worked hard to project. Now I'm wondering how/if that relates to something from my childhood? Like did something about my family environment teach me that I need to project calm and hide my feelings?

 

1 hour ago, livetoread said:

Even the slightest whiff of displeasure from me devastated them, and I mean like a slight frown or a firm tone to my voice. I felt like I wasn't allowed to show my full range of emotions because I didn't want to scar them.

This is what I always associated with HSP, and I'm definitely not like that. I don't like criticism anymore than the next person, but as long as it's helpful/reasonable/logical I can take it and often be thankful for it. I always try to avoid conflict when possible, but when it's necessary I can deal with it. I was surprised that a lot of the quiz was about things other than that, things I've always (mostly) associated with introversion, although perhaps wrongly.

 

59 minutes ago, Calm37 said:

You guys are "blowing my mind" this morning. I have never heard of this, checked all of the questions. At retirement age, I am basically a hermit at this point, venturing out to walk at the lake and attend church. It's quiet at the lake, church exhausts me. 

Ditto! A long time ago we were regular churchgoers. It absolutely exhausted me, even though we often didn't directly interact with a lot of other people. Just being around them was enough to wear me out. When I have to do errands I always try to go as early in the morning as possible so that there are fewer people around. Again, those are things I associated with introversion. But maybe that's wrong, and those are more of a HSP thing? I just feel at least a little edgy around most other people, even people I don't have to interact with like other shoppers.

[GailV]

15 hours ago, Indigo Blue said:

For me,  it might be a mix of introversion,  HSP, and some severe food sensory issues thrown in.

Re: food sensory issues, when I took the quiz I realized that a lot of my answers depended on how many allergens I'd been around.

Right now I've pretty much organized my life to NOT be around many stimulating situations -- I spend daily time meditating, and generally tend towards a lifestyle that looks more like, I don't know, a yoga retreat (not that I'd ever go on a yoga retreat because all those people? eww, yuck). Throw in a low-inflammatory diet and I consider myself a pretty chill person.

But as I read through the quiz I realized that I was just a tablespoon of caffeinated beverage/collagen/corn-containing-food away from going back to feeling more sensitive to a lot of situations.

 

 

 

[Indigo Blue]

Church exhausts me, too, and I’m glad to hear others feel the same. 
 

My son was a groomsman in a wedding yesterday. He has the same personality as me. He drove an hour, arrived at 9:00am at the venue, and got home at 11:00 last night. When he got home, I was ready for it, and I was right. 
 

He was so tired and socially drained, he was actually angry. There was an insane amount of standing around doing nothing. There was an erratic photography schedule. He was hungry, tired, and in line to get a piece of cake, and someone came and dragged him away for still more photos after he was sure they were done with that. (Some nice lady saw this and actually saved him a piece!) When he got home he said he did NOT like weddings, and after having gone through this twice, he said he wouldn’t do it again. I partly can’t blame him because weddings have gotten so out of control, and putting someone in the position of driving home very, very late and very, very tired is not okay. A lot of it was his personality, though. Everyone else danced for hours while he was just done and wanted to come home, but he knew he still needed to help with clean up. Of the lady that saved him the cake, he said God bless her, and he told her how awesome she was to do that. At another friend’s wedding a year ago where he was also a groomsman, they ran out of cheesecake before ds could finally be free to get some. He hadn’t forgotten that, and was so upset when he was dragged out of the cake line. He was halfway finished eating his cake when he looked up and noticed he was sitting alone and everyone else was dancing. He finished his cake, got up, and went off and took a nap in the quiet, dark groomsmen’s dressing room. 
 

Ds is so incredibly funny, and he was hilarious telling me this story this morning. I love him. He just lives his life. 
 

Dh and I have a wedding to go to soon. I do wish I could just bop around like every one else. It will drain me.

Edited September 3, 2022 by Indigo Blue

[heartlikealion]

I learned the term "HSP" a few years back. And I didn't have such a great understanding of what introversion was until then, either. I mean, I thought an introvert just hated crowds (and really while I don't love them, I'm ok with them in limited doses. Christmas shopping at the mall... sounds like a nightmare to most people but it doesn't phase me that much. Though it's kind of a last resort as I usually shop ahead or online). So I didn't quite know how to label myself. Then later, and I think this term has been described to me in a contradictory way since then, I read that introvert/extrovert is really about how you recharge. 

Hosting a big event sounds like something I'd need days to recover from, though I might enjoy it to an extent. I dreaded those visits with my inlaws because they would last for hours and when I'd retreat to the guest room (we slept there) I'd be criticized! I was considered rude, anti social or they would think it was weird for me to nap I guess because no one else was really a napper. But the alternative was to stay in the living room where FIL watched his shows (usually stuff I didn't care about) and others would come and go (in and out of the house for smoking), talk, cook/make noise in the kitchen, etc. Just a lot of activity. I'd beg xh sometimes to just stay for dinner and go if we were doing a Friday night dinner, but he wouldn't compromise and we'd be there all day. Knowing more about myself I know that if I'm ever in a relationship again they can't expect me to spend all day long at someone's house. Like even if I really liked a person, I just don't think I'd want to be there that many hours. 

I think HSP may be why I lean toward cats. They are much more calm. But some dogs are calm. 

I don't know of a test to check for extrovert/introvert/ambivert. I am just basing that on my own observations about myself. I do want to go out and do things with people.... but no one ever takes me up on it. That's their "family time" or whatever. 

[heartlikealion]

15 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

Church exhausts me, too, and I’m glad to hear others feel the same. 
 

My son was a groomsman in a wedding yesterday. He has the same personality as me. He drove an hour, arrived at 9:00am at the venue, and got home at 11:00 last night. When he got home, I was ready for it, and I was right. 
 

He was so tired and socially drained, he was actually angry. There was an insane amount of standing around doing nothing. There was an erratic photography schedule. He was hungry, tired, and in line to get a piece of cake, and someone came and dragged him away for still more photos after he was sure they were done with that. (Some nice lady saw this and actually saved him a piece!) When he got home he said he did NOT like weddings, and after having gone through this twice, he said he wouldn’t do it again. I partly can’t blame him because weddings have gotten so out of control, and putting someone in the position of driving home very, very late and very, very tired is not okay. A lot of it was his personality, though. Everyone else danced for hours while he was just done and wanted to come home, but he knew he still needed to help with clean up. Of the lady that saved him the cake, he said God bless her, and he told her how awesome she was to do that. At another friend’s wedding a year ago where he was also a groomsman, they ran out of cheesecake before ds could finally be free to get some. He hadn’t forgotten that, and was so upset when he was dragged out of the cake line. He was halfway finished eating his cake when he looked up and noticed he was sitting alone and everyone else was dancing. He finished his cake, got up, and went off and took a nap in the quiet, dark groomsmen’s dressing room. 
 

Ds is so incredibly funny, and he was hilarious telling me this story this morning. I love him. He just lives his life. 
 

Dh and I have a wedding to go to soon. I do wish I could just bop around like every one else. It will drain me.

I cannot even fathom why he would be needed at 9am and not get home til that late. What time was the actual wedding?? Was there a great distance between the wedding ceremony and the reception? I wouldn't want to be involved, either!

[Indigo Blue]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

I cannot even fathom why he would be needed at 9am and not get home til that late. What time was the actual wedding?? Was there a great distance between the wedding ceremony and the reception? I wouldn't want to be involved, either!

The wedding was at 5:00. They requested the groomsmen to be there at the same time as the bridesmaids, but the groomsmen just ended up sitting around for a long time. 
 

I would have been a bit frustrated, too. 

[Indigo Blue]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

I think HSP may be why I lean toward cats. They are much more calm. But some dogs are calm. 

Yes! Cats are balm to my soul. I love all dogs, but if I live with one, I prefer a calm dog. 

[Indigo Blue]

I’m reading Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists. It outlines some behaviors that are indicative of having been exposed to trauma. They all resonate with me, and some of them seem to  overlap with HSP traits. So I guess this is why I feel HSP is a byproduct of that. But it makes more sense now. It is a mixed bag, with introversion thrown in, too.