heartlikealion Posted November 20, 2023 Author Share Posted November 20, 2023 1 minute ago, maize said: Thing is, for him to ignore his anxieties and concerns when spending his own money because you don't agree with them...well, that almost feels like it would require him to let himself be controlled by you. To me it feels like--it's his money, he needs to be comfortable with the manner in which it gets spent. He is clearly a high anxiety person, and no those anxieties aren't all rational. But...he can make his own choices about what to do with what belongs to him. And yes, I'd be feeling frustrated in your shoes as well. Most of all frustrated with the entire situation that has you stuck needing help from him and having to put up with the limits he is comfortable with. Ok 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 Heart you are so close to being self sufficient and not having to rely on him or jump through his hoops. Just hang in there girl. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 20, 2023 Author Share Posted November 20, 2023 I’m more upset about lackluster relationships IRL than this moving thing. I just wish I had a partner during this. My ex and I talked a couple times and made plans that never came to fruition. I feel the drifting. I guess I wanted to believe him when he initially said he’d be ok with long distance. But we couldn’t even make it work with all the obstacles (mostly him being pulled in a million directions). So even if I got the Mobile job it was too hard. That ex best friend reached out to me a couple times. First time I ignored her. Second time I spoke to her. But no apology was given. And I really didn’t need her back in my life. Because the last thing I need is harsh temperament/critical interactions. Saw this video reel where someone said you gotta ask for apologies or people think they can do whatever and just carry on like it’s ok. So today I told her how I felt and her immediate response was where is this coming from (who cares, apologize). There was some back and forth and she twisted my words and ended the conversation with an “f you.” I’m ok because I don’t want to keep people around that will do that. Seems like everyone I care about IRL ghosts me or fades away. 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartstrings Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 I think you'll just have to deal with it, but I definitely think he's being controlling by insisting on touring the apartments with you. Picking out an apartment is very personal and he should just trust you to make a good decision. It's his money yes, but it's where you are living. Saying that he'll give a loan for the purpose of the deposit is one thing, saying it has be an apartment he picks and approves of is a whole other thing. Especially when his recent ideas have been a bit out there, like you staying in the extended stay etc. He doesn't necessarily understand your need or priorities in housing It's not like you are going to take the loan for the deposit and go to Cozemel instead, or use it for drugs or gambling. You don't have a choice but to deal with it, but you aren't crazy to feel like its controlling. You aren't in this situation because you are a child, or because you make poor choices and need supervision and he shouldn't be treating you that way. 5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 20, 2023 Author Share Posted November 20, 2023 Ds saw I was upset earlier and comforted me. Tonight we finally made it to the gym together. It was a really nice time together. We did machines side by side, then would swap. We finished with cardio on side-by-side treadmills. I was today years old when I realized those giant barbells are quite heavy without any weights on the sides. Too heavy for me! He’s into fitness & eating better so that’s a shared interest. Apparently he has a treadmill at his home and I asked if the adults used it. He said no lol. He said xh hasn’t taken him to a gym in several months when xh was on a diet. I am not real surprised. Xh never sticks with things. https://youtube.com/shorts/bVxoKLFcxY4?si=1k11nPZ1qc_LFKkn 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 6 hours ago, heartlikealion said: Ds saw I was upset earlier and comforted me. Tonight we finally made it to the gym together. It was a really nice time together. We did machines side by side, then would swap. We finished with cardio on side-by-side treadmills. I was today years old when I realized those giant barbells are quite heavy without any weights on the sides. Too heavy for me! He’s into fitness & eating better so that’s a shared interest. Apparently he has a treadmill at his home and I asked if the adults used it. He said no lol. He said xh hasn’t taken him to a gym in several months when xh was on a diet. I am not real surprised. Xh never sticks with things. https://youtube.com/shorts/bVxoKLFcxY4?si=1k11nPZ1qc_LFKkn Cute video Heart ❤️ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 I'm so glad you and ds had a positive experience together! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 20, 2023 Author Share Posted November 20, 2023 (edited) I sent an email to HR asking for a letter as soon as the background check/drug test clears. She said yes. —— edited because they accidentally sent me a message intended for someone else and scared the crap out of me. Edited November 20, 2023 by heartlikealion 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 20, 2023 Author Share Posted November 20, 2023 (edited) Nm Edited November 20, 2023 by heartlikealion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 20, 2023 Author Share Posted November 20, 2023 (edited) The background check cleared. Drug test should process within a few days. But they went ahead and gave me a letter for landlords. In the letter it says that my pay will go up after one year (yay). Edited November 20, 2023 by heartlikealion 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 39 minutes ago, heartlikealion said: The background check cleared. Drug test should process within a few days. But they went ahead and gave me a letter for landlords. In the letter it says that my pay will go up after one year (yay). So will your dad accept this and help you with the deposits? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 20, 2023 Author Share Posted November 20, 2023 27 minutes ago, Scarlett said: So will your dad accept this and help you with the deposits? Yeah. And I’m trying to set up a tour on Wed (the guy is busy Tues) with my dad and both kids. The kids might be bored (at least, dd). But it will be nice to have them come. Wed ds and I might rent the Good Burger 2 movie to stream. He wants to watch and it doesn’t go to theatres. I explained that the characters came from an old 90s show I used to watch and showed him YouTube clips. He had no idea. DD’s birthday is coming up but I won’t have her that day. So we’ll be sure to get frozen yogurt or something. We’re all on the way to eat at a restaurant (it’s closed Wed) now. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 Hearts I am really thrilled to see you and ds have some great interactions. Slow and steady wins the race. You are doing well with him! 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 20, 2023 Author Share Posted November 20, 2023 Yeah I think he’s less bitter but he could just be masking. Hoping for more positive interactions. We dropped my car off today and they think I’ll get it back this week (Tues or Wed. They are closed Th/Fr). 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 (edited) Oops,.posted.int he wrong post. Edited November 20, 2023 by Faith-manor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Faith-manor said: Nt Edited November 20, 2023 by freesia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 1 minute ago, freesia said: Wrong thread 😄 Ya, I noted that and deleted. So maybe you could edit the quote of me as well so no one is confused. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 20, 2023 Author Share Posted November 20, 2023 25 minutes ago, Faith-manor said: Oops,.posted.int he wrong post. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done that by following the wrong email notification link 😅 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 20, 2023 Author Share Posted November 20, 2023 Tour is booked for the $1100/mo one bedroom. Someone else already applied but he said he’ll show me on Wed and I might want to fill out the application in advance. I can possibly visit 1-2 other places that day but budget-wise they aren’t better and this landlord sounds very reasonable. For me this is kinda humiliating if my dad is there, asking a billion questions and writing the check. Yeah I’ll suck it up but it’s kinda mortifying. I never know how embarrassing or how long my dad will talk someone’s ear off. Like today we all went to a Japanese restaurant, my aunt & dad insist we link hands and pray grace at the table, and at some point I hear my dad and aunt talking about Japanese people and how they prefer something. All I can think is umm the staff might be Japanese and not appreciate this conversation? My dad used to live in Japan and speaks some Japanese but said no one there spoke it (not sure if he actually spoke to everyone though lol). Maybe I’m weird but I get embarrassed easily by my family. I don’t care if someone prays in public but I’d just bow my head and pray silently if I was going to. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 Heart, try not to be mortified, ok. Landlords see all different sorts of people and situations. If anything he will be happy you have family support as a back up. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thatfirstsip Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 I guarantee the landlord doesn't care about your Dad, or his questions, or who pays the deposit. It's just a job for them; they just want to rent the unit to someone who will pay the rent and not cook drugs in the kitchen, kwim? Don't be embarrassed; the landlord doesn't care and won't remember. 5 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 21, 2023 Author Share Posted November 21, 2023 I have 2 homes to view on Wed. One just dropped in price $100 making it land in my search results ($1045/mo). Notes say elec and gas not included in rent which implies they pay water/sewer/trash but I’ll ask. And I don’t know if I’ll have to shell out deposits for the gas and elec. I read that they don’t always have a fee to turn on elec. Both homes have w/d inside. Ds bowls at school this semester so he suggested we go bowling this week. We went last night. We also played pool together (my dad has a pool table but mostly the kids were young and I was terrified for them to ruin the surface). Afterwards I asked if the kids wanted to go home or wander around Walmart. We went to WM because I wanted to get a couple clothing items. They own very few things bought by me/are outgrowing items. I scored 2 long length shirts on clearance (she is tall) for dd and got her an anime shirt that is a birthday gift. I tried to get ds something and he liked a t-shirt with a bowling image but it was too wide. He said he could use a pair of jeans though he mostly wears workout pants. I had him try some on and they weren’t a great fit but now we have an idea of the right size at least. Possibly I’ll get him jeans at Christmas. Then I asked dd what she wanted to eat as a birthday dessert and when. She chose a strawberry cheesecake and we sang to her last night because she didn’t want to wait lol I don’t think I could have afforded to pay for bowling, clothes, dessert if it hadn’t been for the Hive. So thank you. I have money set aside for activating my wifi etc after I move in. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thatfirstsip Posted November 21, 2023 Share Posted November 21, 2023 That would be great if they cover water/sewer/trash! That saves you $70ish a month right there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KSera Posted November 21, 2023 Share Posted November 21, 2023 Is your Dad potentially co-signing as backup on the lease? I wondered if that might be why he wants to see the apartments first. Signing brings a different level of responsibility than just giving you deposit money. I hope something you see this week works out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 21, 2023 Author Share Posted November 21, 2023 45 minutes ago, KSera said: Is your Dad potentially co-signing as backup on the lease? I wondered if that might be why he wants to see the apartments first. Signing brings a different level of responsibility than just giving you deposit money. I hope something you see this week works out. We never discussed co-signing. I don’t think that’s the intention. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 21, 2023 Author Share Posted November 21, 2023 So far it appears that AT&T internet is out of the question. I don’t know if the agent was talking upload or download speeds but said one address only offered 18 Mbps. What?! Lol I contacted another internet provider and they service both addresses. $50/mo. That’s reasonable. My last service was $65/mo. and that’s what I budgeted. $65 is probably after additional fees so it’s probably the same. I own my own 2-in-1 modem/router. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted November 21, 2023 Share Posted November 21, 2023 I'm so glad you had a nice day with your kids! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 21, 2023 Author Share Posted November 21, 2023 The autoshop said they’d have my car done Tuesday but I didn’t really buy that. Today they called to say they are replacing the cv axel (not joint) and I’m overdue for an oil change and needed transmission fluid. The quote jumped up of course but I can chip in if need be so I told them to go ahead. He plans to get the car back to me Wed. I got a health ins packet via email. I’m not sure if I’m reading it correctly. The dental doesn’t look worth it. I think I’ll end up paying approx $130/mo for my health ins. Doubt I’ll opt into the vision. I didn’t really understand it. My friend that moved from MS to LA said her auto ins doubled. Well the amount I pay is based on this old car. Hate to see the quote if I buy another car. I don’t know if I budgeted enough a month for utilities. I ballparked $250. She said sometimes hers is really high but they chose the leveling option where they pay an average that my budget would cover. I don’t know if the leveling option applies to where I’ll be living. One home has all elec. One has a gas range. My loose budget might need tweaking for car fuel use and/or groceries. There’s some wiggle room there. I doubt I eat $300 in groceries. In a typical week I buy chicken, a tub of Greek yogurt, fruit, some veggies and a few other things. I eat a pretty basic diet these days. Drink water. Don’t know about their local water. I do own a filtered pitcher. And they have a Costco there which I might try — I think my acct is still active but I’ll log online to check. I really don’t use Costco except for maybe a couple items or the gas station (which I was warned is always overrun so don’t bother). I just like buying hearts of romaine in bulk as I eat a lot of salads. They have already printed the work schedule for Nov and Dec. They are emailing me Dec soon. Now I gotta see how badly this affects my visitation. It might be moot because of the kids’ vacation. I’d like to take the kids to Dave & Buster’s one of their vacation days. It has its own parking garage. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 22, 2023 Author Share Posted November 22, 2023 We couldn’t even find the door to the second home 🤣 the numbers on the street made no sense. The home with 3 lock boxes just had the boxes hanging on a storm door that opened. But the actual door was locked via key. We don’t know if that was the home or not. But the neighborhood was unsavory so we all just left. The first home was in a nice neighborhood, the street appeared to be newly paved concrete and we met the landlord. He’s running my info for approval. I hope I get approved! He said he was going to contact my references so I gave them all a heads up. I said ideally I’d like a key to the place Friday if I’m approved. He said the other side of the duplex is a couple that are college students. Landlord won’t need the deposit money til he and his wife make a decision. After all that we went to the library and wandered around. I asked a couple employees some questions like what system they use. It’s not the one I used but looks very user-friendly. I looked up a book for dd. She was interested in graphic novels and we met an employee that showed off their collection (large imo!). My shifts will typically be 8 hrs with a 1 hr lunch. So only “on the clock” 7 hrs. I know some of my training days will be longer and take place at another location. I think it will mostly be a chill place to work. 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 22, 2023 Author Share Posted November 22, 2023 (edited) I was approved. I need to look for an email with lease to sign and send the deposit. Can’t get water on this week. Earliest is Monday… so I’m hoping my gf outside of NOLA can let me crash at her place Sun night. The power is currently on but I need to switch it to my name. The washer/dryer unit is a former tenant’s but the landlord said he turned it on and it works. I’ll just use that set though mine is nicer imo. I can’t bring mine… they don’t stack. The space is very tight. Edited November 22, 2023 by heartlikealion 39 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted November 22, 2023 Share Posted November 22, 2023 That's exciting, Heart! I hope this means a real turnaround for you as you start these changes. ❤️ I know it may be awhile before you are able to get out from under the financial burdens completely, but at least you are on your way! I hope you love your new job. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 22, 2023 Author Share Posted November 22, 2023 I can already tell a couple coworkers will be pleasant. They liked dd’s new anime shirt and one joked about stealing it lol my gf said I can sleep in her cottage Sun night! 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildflowerMom Posted November 22, 2023 Share Posted November 22, 2023 Woohoooooooo!!!!! Congratulations!!! What a load off! You can get moved in, start your new job, and finally just breathe!! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 22, 2023 Author Share Posted November 22, 2023 Yes and I’m relieved I can have my kids stay with me over part of winter break in my own place!! 33 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted November 22, 2023 Share Posted November 22, 2023 I'm so, so happy to read this update Heart. Uncertainty is the worst--having a job and place to live locked in must be a huge weight off your shoulders. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted November 22, 2023 Share Posted November 22, 2023 Great news! What a good Thanksgiving you’ll have—so much to be thankful for ❤️ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thatfirstsip Posted November 22, 2023 Share Posted November 22, 2023 Wow! That's the absolute best news, well done! You're on the way up 🙂 Having your own place and a way to pay for it is the best feeling. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted November 22, 2023 Share Posted November 22, 2023 Great news!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinRTX Posted November 22, 2023 Share Posted November 22, 2023 Wonderful news!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 22, 2023 Author Share Posted November 22, 2023 Just got my car back — barely! They called and left no voice message. I called later and no one answered. Turns out they closed at 2:30 today (not posted on their door; no one told me either). But I recognized an employee we saw outside and we talked to him. He said he’d come by for another customer to grab something and he rang us up and I was able to leave in my car. I asked them if they used high mileage oil but never got a straight answer. The printout doesn’t specify. Oh well the oil change etc is done. I’ll probably drive around on this car while I set aside money for car notes. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 23, 2023 Share Posted November 23, 2023 I am thrilled for you Heart. Truly. This sounds like a great job and now you have your own place! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted November 23, 2023 Share Posted November 23, 2023 All great news!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted November 23, 2023 Share Posted November 23, 2023 4 hours ago, freesia said: Great news! What a good Thanksgiving you’ll have—so much to be thankful for ❤️ Agreed. Such great news!!! I am so happy for you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 23, 2023 Author Share Posted November 23, 2023 Just hit the lease. Gonna have to ask them to tweak it. Doesn’t say you’re off the hook if you break lease early… even though he says he wouldn’t pursue legal action I need the contact to match. And they added a pet fee not previously mentioned… so I’m asking about that. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 24, 2023 Author Share Posted November 24, 2023 He edited the lease and I don’t owe the pet fee unless there’s significant damage when I move out. Yay. Since the elec transfer won’t process til Monday and I can’t get the key til payment is delivered, I’m gonna see if the bank is open Friday, get a cashiers check instead and hand deliver that then empty a carload of items into the home. Mattress and a few other items. According to the current visitation agreement I get the kids the Friday before Christmas until 6 pm Christmas Day on odd years. Well that isn’t as many days as I thought I’d have the kids (Dec 22-25) but it’ll be ok. I know the library is closed Sundays and Christmas Day so at least I’ll have Dec 24-25 home. I can’t open the document with the rest of the Dec schedule because it requires a log in I wasn’t given yet (Microsoft) so I don’t know what days I’m scheduled during their visit. I’ll have plenty of time to get my home ready for the kids. I’m excited to have my own kitchen & laundry. The kitchen has space for my dining table so I’m relieved about that. I won’t bring the cat to the house til I actually sleep in it. My friend that has the cat at her place said no problem and isn’t rushing me. My dad, aunt and I ate at our old neighbors’ home today. I’m welcome at Christmas too but I don’t plan to come. I’ll provide a meal at my home but my dad and aunt are welcome to join if they want. We didn’t do anything special for my dad’s birthday the other day — and he always says he doesn’t like to make a big fuss over birthdays. I just gave him a humorous card and it made him laugh. We did acknowledge his bday today at the neighbors’ and sang to him, though. I left a bunch of my curtains at my old home (they requested and didn’t charge me rent the end of my stay) and the new landlord said I can keep the ones in there now if I want. I’ll do that for now at least. One less hassle! 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 24, 2023 Author Share Posted November 24, 2023 Bank was open. Got the cashiers checks for deposit & first month rent. Heading to NOLA now to trade money for key. Paid off debt to xh — kids’ recent medical bills including ds’ eye dr visit. 🥳 Thanks to you all 😊 28 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted November 24, 2023 Share Posted November 24, 2023 Hurray for good news! I'd love pictures of your new home at some point ❣️ 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 24, 2023 Author Share Posted November 24, 2023 9 minutes ago, maize said: Hurray for good news! I'd love pictures of your new home at some point ❣️ I’ll do a little video tour soon 😊 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted November 24, 2023 Share Posted November 24, 2023 Is ma so happy for you, Heart. It must be such a relief to be moving forward. I look forward to hearing that you have decorated for Christmas. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 24, 2023 Author Share Posted November 24, 2023 Just now, Faith-manor said: Is ma so happy for you, Heart. It must be such a relief to be moving forward. I look forward to hearing that you have decorated for Christmas. I packed the artificial Christmas tree this car trip 🤣 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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